


Overexposure

by LanternJawedStudmuffin



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Alternate Universe, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst, Awkward Boners, Awkward Kissing, Blended family, Burns, Car Sex, Coming Out, Depression, Disney World & Disneyland, F/M, Family Drama, Frottage, Hand Jobs, Horny Teenagers, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Making Out, Male-Female Friendship, Marijuana, Masturbation, Mildly Dubious Consent, Oral Sex, Parents in love, Sexual Experimentation, Sexuality Crisis, Slow Burn, Step-Sibling Incest, Teenage Drama, Underage Drinking, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Weddings, Wet Dream
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-13
Updated: 2017-02-28
Packaged: 2018-08-08 11:32:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 45
Words: 164,613
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7756129
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LanternJawedStudmuffin/pseuds/LanternJawedStudmuffin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hands down, the worst way to meet your new stepbrother is to drunkenly hit on him at a party. Worst of all, Roxas definitely isn't gay. Probably.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Happy 8/13! We're back with a multi-chapter fic to celebrate!
> 
> We'll be figuring out a regular updating schedule for this fanfic soon. You can check our tumblr (lanternjawedstudmuffin.tumblr.com) for all post-related news! We also have a new tumblr-specific oneshot series, for those interested - it focuses on SoRiKai, so if that's your jam, please check it out!
> 
> Have a grand AkuRoku day, everyone!

His shirt collar was putting up a bigger display of rebellion than Axel himself, but seeing as clothes made the man, his mother wasn't going to have any of it. Not tonight.

Despite Aerith's best efforts to raise a sweet-mannered and arguably stable child, Axel had grown up with an attitude most kindly described as 'colorful'. Where he got it, she really didn't know – his taciturn father (her ill-tempered ex-husband) hadn't been around for enough of his life to set an example, but perhaps the answer lay therein. This night had been inexorably difficult to coordinate, though, and she was determined to have everything go smoothly. Good first impressions, good manners, good food, and good company.

Very good company.

“Mom, no one's even gonna notice my collar,” Axel pointed out, and very poorly resisted rolling his eyes. Thankfully, Aerith was still fussing with it, as it was steadfastly determined not to lie flat.

“Well honey, I'll know.” At last, she seemed to decide it was satisfactory and smoothed his dress shirt with a brush of her hands. Very embarrassing, to a teenager in full public view in front of a nice restaurant. “You will be polite to Zack, won't you?”

“Yeah, of course,” he indulgently reassured her. “Best behavior.”

Aerith had done _something_ right with Axel, at least, because he did mean that. He'd known about his mother's boyfriend since their very first date – naturally, she'd wanted to keep him in the loop regarding any and all men in her life, though Zack Fair was the first since the divorce. He also knew that Zack had kids of his own, and that the main reason he hadn't met the guy yet was because they thought the introductions should be a family affair on both sides.

It'd never seemed the right time, before now. Schedules conflicting, mostly, but also Aerith's deep-seated and not unreasonable worry that Axel wouldn't be... cooperative.

“I'll hold you to that, you know,” Aerith told him, stepping back with a stern look in her kind eyes. It gave Axel a feeling of preemptive sheepishness, because he didn't think he'd be able to resist messing with the New Boyfriend if he didn't like him, but he was still gonna _try_. “Alright, we're just a little early for our reservation, but we can go in.”

“Can we get appetizers?”

For a second she pondered whether or not that might offend, but she doubted it. It'd be better to rein Axel in with food, anyway. “I don't see the harm in that.”

The restaurant was one of those places that walked the line between classy and warm; the sort where the host offered both wine lists and kid's menus. They gave their name and were brought to their reserved table, which was set for six. Axel snatched his preferred seat right off (view of the kitchen doors, to grab advance warning of food arrivals) but balked at the number of menus.

“How many kids does he have, again?”

“Two boys – oh, thank you,” Aerith smiled at the hostess as she poured them all glasses of water, carefully unfolding the cloth napkin to drape across her lap. “They're a little younger than you, but not by much, I think.”

“So I'd get to play big brother? Pass down my knowledge to impressionable young teenagers?” Axel grinned. He had a terrible habit of looking like some kind of cat on the prowl when he did that, and it virtually always meant he was up to no good.

Aerith’s patented Mom-look was back on him. “I expect you to be the most responsible.”

“That hardly seems fair.”

“I mean it,” she insisted, and then resorted to the most diabolical tactic in her repertoire. “Please, Axel?”

Put in his place, Axel sighed. “I know, Mom...”

“Thank you.” Reassured, Aerith opened her menu. “Now, any thoughts on appetizers?”

Axel followed suit and scanned the first page. Fancy script, limited choices. “All of them?”

“You can have _one_.”

“Huh... Mozzarella sticks, I guess,” Axel decided, flipping absently through the rest of the menu.

Outside, a car was circling the lot once while Zack attempted to find a parking spot in his... heightened state.

“Be really polite. Not creepy-polite – _nice_ polite. And try to make conversation. No surly-teen stuff,” he rattled off, and directed his latter comment to his younger son.

Twin tufts of blonde hair had been tamed and styled, the two boys dressed in the nicest clothing they owned. Woefully, that meant identical shirts and slacks, because it was a lot easier to buy two pieces of the same thing than hunt down another article that'd fit.

To underscore his individuality, though, Roxas had thrown on a black jacket and effectively rumpled his shirt already by keeping his arms tightly crossed.

“I know how to be _actually_ polite, Dad.”

Ventus, who could be counted on in such a situation a lot more than his thirteen-minutes-younger-brother, was quiet. He was a lot more anxious about meeting Zack's girlfriend than her son, unsure if he should be thinking of her like a mother or not.

No matter what came of their relationship, Aerith would never _replace_ their mother. But, given how terribly they all missed -

Well. It'd be nice, Ven thought, to have a maternal figure in their lives again. He just wasn't sure if it was right to think of his father's new girlfriend that way, before even meeting her.

Zack parked the car, and looked beseechingly over his shoulder. “... She's a really nice person, so promise me you'll give her a chance?”

“This _is_ me giving her a chance,” Roxas muttered. Zack didn't prod for more than that, but did briefly plead with any and all higher powers to make tonight go well.

They went into the restaurant forming a comical conga line of emotions, with Zack radiating nervous exuberance, Ven close by and wrestling with anticipation and apprehension, and Roxas slouching moodily along after.

Their appetizers ordered, Axel had slumped against the table in boredom. When she saw Zack approaching, Aerith put a hand on her son's shoulder and prompted, “Sit up straight.”

“Hn?” Automatically, he obeyed.

Zack lit up when he saw her, and his worries appeared to dissolve instantly. He practically swooped upon Aerith to kiss her cheek in greeting, bringing a glowing smile to her face.

“Don't you look nice,” she praised, one hand sliding down his arm.

“And you _always_ look nice,” Zack beamed, straightening up and turning. “These are my boys, Roxas and Ventus... And you must be Axel!”

Axel didn't appear to have heard him, at first. He was staring at the twins, lips apart in a dumbfounded gape.

“... Huh?”

Roxas stared back, color fluctuating in an alarmingly short span. He'd paled at the first mention of Axel's name, but a blush had started to creep up his neck and into his cheeks.

If anyone noticed that the two of them seemed to have met before, that they even might know each other, it wasn't commented on. Indeed, no one _had_ noticed, and the boys themselves were disinclined to let on about it. They both had to compose themselves, and quickly.

“Yes, he certainly is,” Aerith glanced at Axel, quietly cuing him. “Are you going to say something?”

Over his shock, Axel started to grin, and didn't even sound sarcastic when he said, “Great to meet you.”

“Boys, sit down, check out the menus,” Zack ushered them, and Roxas took the farthest seat from Axel that he could. He refused to look his way if he could help it.

He did _not_ want to be thinking of the thing he was thinking of. It was the _worst_ thing. _This_ was the worst thing.

“Have you guys ordered yet?” Zack questioned, flipping open the menu.

“Just an appetizer – you should get something, too, I'm sure it won't be very long...”

As the only one not wrestling with surprise, Ven was the first one to find his voice. “It's very nice to meet you.”

Privately relieved, Aerith smiled. “It's lovely to meet you, too-... I'm sorry, I'm not so sure who's who yet.”

Axel thought he already had a good grasp on telling the twins apart. He did not say so.

“This one's Ven,” Zack indicated. “Roxas?”

Forcibly reminding himself that his father _liked_ this woman, Roxas mumbled, “Good to meet you.”

“So this is nice, right?” Axel started. “Getting everyone together, giving us all a chance to get to _know_ each other. At long last. Is it cool if I call you Zack?”

Unsure if he was being sarcastic (he sounded genuine enough; Aerith was practiced at telling the difference, but chose not to call attention to it) Zack took a second to recover. “Uh – yes, of course. I don't respond to 'Mr. Fair' anyway.”

“It is nice. I've heard so much about Roxas and Ven, I can hardly believe I'm meeting you,” Aerith regarded the two boys with careful fondness. Roxas wondered how much Zack had filtered in order to say good things about him.

“C'mon, Mom, share info. I don't know anything about these people.” Axel sank back in his chair and lifted his water glass, eyes raking the Fair family.

“Well, the boys just started at Hollow Bastion High School,” Zack volunteered. “You don't go there, right?”

“No, but I have acquaintances there.” Axel counted drunken encounters at parties as 'acquaintanceship'.

“It was one of the ones we considered, but it just wasn't as close as your school, was it honey?” Aerith closed her menu, decision already made and more interested in the conversation at hand. “I've heard Roxas is quite interested in art.”

“Really?” Axel drawled, gaze leveled at Roxas. “I'm something of an artist, myself. What do you do, sing? Paint? Photography?”

Roxas pretended to be completely occupied with his menu. He desperately didn't want to talk about his hobbies _now_. With _Axel_.

Ven filled in. “He does photography, yeah.”

“Well, I'd love to see your pictures sometime,” Aerith suggested tentatively.

“So would I,” Axel agreed, a glint in his eye. Roxas's blush deepened, and he loathed that _he_ had to be the one embarrassed over this, not Axel, not the one who'd been -

Inwardly cringing over his son's (pointed, he was sure) silence, Zack nudged Roxas and implored at a whisper, “Don't be rude.”

“I don't want to talk about this,” Roxas muttered.

“Try?” Zack was even quieter.

Strangely, it was Axel who offered him an out. “And what d'you do, Zack? Something physical? You look like you work out – kudos, Mom.”

Zack laughed, good humor back. “I work at ShinRa.”

Aerith was blushing faintly, now, herself. “We met at the company once before your father and I, well... Anyway, we ran into each other again almost a year ago and got to talk properly for the first time.”

Putting pieces together, Axel whistled. “Oh, shit, so one of your bosses is my dad? That's awkward.”

That actually hadn't occurred to Zack even once, since he and Aerith had started dating. General Sephiroth rarely spoke of Aerith, or his son... and as such, it was kind of easy to forget they'd ever been a family. Now, he wondered if that _should_ make him uncomfortable.

Although Aerith would have preferred Axel mind his swearing, she'd learned to pick her battles. Instead, she said, “It won't be that awkward. Not all adults are petty about divorce, like in movies.”

“I wouldn't know how my father is 'bout this stuff,” Axel shrugged. “He wasn't very hands-on. I hope you understand if I get attached kinda quick, there might be some issues at work.”

This time, Zack picked up on the sarcasm. Roxas glowered over the top of the menu, wanting to defend his father almost as much as he wanted to sink into the ground and never be seen again.

Innocently, Axel munched on the mozzarella sticks as they were delivered to the table.

They were able to place their orders with the server, then, in which time the veiled threat of rising tempers cooled. Axel and Roxas had both promised better behavior than this, and they (unknowingly mutually) supposed they should reconsider picking a fight. Roxas chose to show his respect for his father's relationship by pretending Axel wasn't there, again.

Axel chose a different tactic. Friendly, polite. Make an effort, he reminded himself. “So. Ventus. What d'you do?”

“Oh, it's just Ven,” he corrected immediately, “And other than school, I just do some sword training and sparring. For fun,” Ven grinned modestly. “I'm not in competitions or anything yet.”

“Huh,” Axel's eyebrows lifted. “That's actually cool.”

“They're both pretty good at sparring,” Zack boasted proudly.

“So they take after you,” Aerith said, affection and amusement mingling.

“You've only had us do it since we could walk and hold a foam sword at the same time,” Roxas reluctantly contributed, and Zack laughed.

“Yeah... Guilty of that.”

“It's good for them to have something they care about that keeps them active,” Aerith noted approvingly.

“Yeah, but then my best friend became my trainer and Roxas didn't want to do it anymore.”

Lips barely moving, Roxas mouthed the words 'best friend' in invisible quotation marks. Axel bit back his own smart-mouthed commentary about handling swords.

“But you kept up your photography,” Aerith looked to Roxas again, determined to keep him involved. “That's wonderful.”

“Yeah,” he replied grudgingly.

“It's amazing, your boys are so involved in their extracurricular activities.”

Zack's chest puffed up a little in that proud paternal way. “What do you do in your spare time, Axel?”

Axel hesitated. “Uh. Chemistry.”

Aerith tried desperately not to throw him a _look_.

“Chemistry?” Zack repeated. “Sounds intellectual.”

“I think it's more artistic.”

“Axel, I don't think -” Aerith began, but Roxas's self-imposed distance had been broken by curiosity, and he indulged it without thinking it through.

“What does that mean?”

Lips curled in an impassioned smirk, pleasure for the subject poorly downplayed. “The chemical reactions between the application of fire and anything else,” Axel explained, with a glance at his mother. “ _Safe_ applications. With helmets on and whatever.”

Roxas's intrigue fizzled. “So you're a glorified arsonist.”

“No, they only call you an arsonist if there are charges.”

Zack glanced at Aerith, who had gently rest a hand over her face in embarrassment.

“Oh, so you _haven't_ been arrested?” Roxas intoned,  unable to keep his overpowering disdain contained anymore.

“Why, want to see me in handcuffs?”

He regretted that immediately. Axel watched the color drain from Roxas's face as he shot up from the table, heard his mother sigh, “Axel, _please_.”

“Sit back down,” Zack told Roxas sharply, eyebrows still raised. “Axel, do you always talk like that around your mother?”

Axel said nothing.

“I hope you're being quiet because you're thinking of a stellar apology, young man,” Aerith said crossly. Ven was sinking lower and lower in his seat.

Roxas sat again, leaning back in his chair and grumbling, “Can I go wait in the car?”

“No,” Zack heaved a breath. And to think... for a minute there, he'd thought this was going well. “I know this is hard for you guys, but we _really_ need an effort from you, here.”

“Sorry,” Axel mumbled. “I'll rein it in.”

Roxas opted not to speak.

“Roxas,” Aerith tried gently, “you understand that your father makes me very happy, don't you?”

He very much didn't want to respond. If he hadn't known it would hurt _her_ , not Axel, he wouldn't have bothered. “... Yes.”

“And I love Aerith a lot,” Zack looked to Axel.

“I gathered.”

“We're not asking you boys to be friends if you don't want to be...” Aerith started.

“But, for our sake, if you could just give... all of this a chance,” Zack shot a look to each of the teenagers in turn, big blue eyes reminding Axel of a sad puppy. “Get along, at least.”

Axel bit back the number of comments that raced through his head – how well they all _could_ have gotten along, how he'd throw the dog a bone if it really meant that much to him – and nodded shortly. “For my mom's sake, fine.”

With a scowl, Roxas turned his face away from Axel, which made it easier to say, “Fine.”

“Thank you,” Zack relaxed a little, and took Aerith's hand under the table.

  


* * *

  


Here was the thing.

It'd been months ago, still in the height of summer break. A party that Larxene had gotten wind of, once the word 'unsupervised' had been tossed around. Axel had picked up a pack of beer the way he often did, hanging around the corner store and paying off older men to pick some up on his behalf. The three of them – he, Larxene, and Marluxia – were hanging around on the backyard porch, drinking their way through a six-pack and ignoring the thrum of bass.

Light filtered out through the glass doors, enough to see by, and a gaggle of smokers had formed a circle on the lawn, where they could flick their spent cigarettes into the damp grass. The night was still fairly young, or at least it wasn’t late enough to hear any precious possessions breaking, or party-goers bolting out to return their drinks to Mother Earth. You know, the sort of cliches high school house parties are built on.

“As I have _no_ interest in hanging with you people,” Axel announced, finishing off his first beer, “I'll be taking off to mingle with higher society. Don't interrupt.”

Larxene was wearing his leather jacket. He didn't ask for it back, since he was warm enough without it and she'd threatened him until she could wear it. She snapped her fingers at him, beckoning like he was a servant. “Give me another beer, before you go.”

Of course he'd be taking the rest of the case with him. They were his. Marluxia was sipping his with an expression of distaste (too cheap for his liking) and made no such request.

“You'll be back, love,” he smirked, voice always deep and level and low with self-assurance. Axel kind of hated that about him, among all the other things.

“You're so cute when you're optimistic,” he fired at Marluxia, passing Larxene a beer and trudging his way up the back steps to get into the house.

That was where Roxas was. Abandoned by his best friend, who'd been the one to drag him to the stupid party in the first place, he'd melded into the wall and drank. And drank. Near the bottom of his glass, he'd started to feel a little hazy, _blissfully_ so, and certain options seemed less... out of reach, as a result.

Who cared about Hayner. They'd find each other by the end of the night, probably. All Roxas wanted to do in the meantime was observe the unimpressive crush of people, and let his eyes be drawn to one specific demographic of the attendees.

A hand clasped Roxas's shoulder to keep him against the wall as someone squeezed by.

“Sorry, man...” Axel hardly looked at the guy he'd almost collided with. He was searching for familiar faces. Already irritable with the number of times he'd been brushed or bumped, Roxas tensed.

“ _Hey_ , you mind?!” he snapped, all the more irate when he realized he'd been practically pinned to the wall by a total stranger.

“Apologized, didn't I?” Axel stopped long enough to look down at Roxas, and smirked. Bow lips, blonde hair, blazing eyes.

“Shouldn't be pushing in the first place,” Roxas grumbled, and he was getting a look at the guy's face for the first time. Sharp jaw, red mane, dramatic eyes.

Unknowingly, Roxas went a bit pink. Completely knowingly, Axel licked his lips.

“Not _pushing_. Holding you in position while I sidle by.”

“Who says I want you holding me in any position?” Roxas replied boldly, and Axel interpreted the blush for what it was.

“... Why wouldn't you?”

The flush darkened when he was called on his own implication and Roxas stammered, alcohol slowing the speed of his comeback. Axel drew his hand away, but made special effort to slide it down his arm in the process.

“Name's Axel.” He leaned in a little – partially to keep out of the way of hooting, wild party-goers. Mostly out of interest.

Roxas stiffened slightly, and spoke after a moment of cautious assessment. “... Roxas.”

“Well, Roxas, I'm _devastated_ about intruding on your personal space. I feel like a monster.” Axel lifted the beers. “Should I make it up to you?”

“... You're seriously offering me your beer?” he asked suspiciously.

“Yeah, one was for my friend but I ditched him. I technically have one extra.”

Mistrust told Roxas that that sounded like a planned line, but he supposed the stranger – Axel – couldn't have done much with a sealed can. He put down his emptied glass. “Sure.”

Pivoting around to lean against the wall beside him, Axel gave Roxas another quick scan and pulled out the last two beers. The cardboard case was dropped carelessly, kicked aside. Roxas had an inexplicable urge to cover himself, and a dormant urge to look Axel over the same way, see how he liked it.

“Am I forgiven?”

“I guess. This time.” Roxas cracked open his beer in unison with Axel, surveying it. He took a swig, and almost spat it right back out. “That's _disgusting_ ,” he rasped, after he'd made himself swallow.

“ _That_ , my friend, is the strongest beer you can get for cheap,” Axel informed him, and took a swig of his own. “It is the foulest substance known to man.”

“ _Ugh_. Never taking gifts from you again.”

Axel started to laugh. Roxas held the beer can back out towards him, declaring, “I'm not finishing that.”

“Fair enough. You hang onto it though, I'm busy with my own.”

“I'm not a cup holder,” Roxas raised an eyebrow.

“How about cup bearer?”

“For your shitty beer?”

“Unless you have wine on-hand,” Axel smirked, taking another drink. “... So...”

Roxas had relented to hold it, but had no idea how to make conversation. “So?”

“What grade are you in?”

Avoiding his eyes, Roxas answered, “Ninth," or he would be, come September, "Why?”

“Huh,” Axel pondered that. “Cute, for a freshman.”

That did not garner a positive reaction. Roxas's eyes narrowed. “How 'bout I show you how cute the bottom of my shoe is?”

“Kinky,” Axel commented, almost a purr, but Roxas was unimpressed.

“I'm walking away now.”

“Whatever,” Axel shrugged. Shame; he thought he'd read the signs right, but it wasn't the first time he'd hit on a straight boy, and it wouldn't be the last. He took his beer back. “Later, blondie.”

Blush igniting his face, Roxas whirled away with his back stiff. Axel was a jerk, that was all.

And they definitely hadn't been flirting.

  


* * *

  


Here was the other thing.

Marluxia's parents were wealthy people, and considerably more charitable than their spoiled and sadistic son. An opportunity had arisen to foster a young girl, an orphan in her early teens, and they'd taken her into their home. She'd made a friend in her first year of middle school, and that friendship carried over upon their entry into Hollow Bastion High.

Roxas had visited Namine at her home several times, and his interest in photography had him accordingly impressed with the veritable manor in which she lived. It was on the outskirts of the suburbs, conducive to the growing of an immense flower garden, and nature photography was a subject he hadn't yet pursued. She'd given a standing invitation to take some pictures, even if she wasn’t home, but he hadn't felt comfortable enough to do it until recently.

Knowing Namine would be busy with art club until the evening, Roxas had skated straight here from school. As he slipped through the enormous gates, Roxas surveyed the sprawling, floral acreage. He almost didn't know where to start, but where he started wound up being a lot less significant than where he ended up.

The gazebo was secluded, not so easily seen through hedge arrangements and artistic bushes of color. With one possessive hand on the back of Axel's neck, Marluxia had led him right to it.

They wouldn't go inside. His parents were home, and he didn't want them overheard. Even out here, they’d have to be quiet - the property wasn’t _so_ big that all their neighbors were out of earshot.  Axel still maintained the pretense that he hadn't come over for sex, but they both knew that wasn't true.

“Why, Marluxia, what a _romantic_ set-up.”

“I know how tenderly you like to be treated.”

Axel was pressed up against a wooden beam, his hands tangling in Marluxia's hair, just to piss him off by mussing it. “I'm swooning.”

Eyes narrow, Marluxia kissed him with enough force to knock his head against the post. With a wince, Axel kissed back just as violently, both determined to draw first blood. He bit at the same time he started working Marluxia's jeans open, was caressed roughly before the kiss was broken to have his throat viciously marked.

Oblivious, Roxas followed the progress of a bumblebee perched on one of the morning glory blossoms, snapping shot after shot. It hadn't taken long to lose interest in just using the flowers as subjects – now he sought insects or the like, switching the lens of his camera.

“What, pain no good when it's yours?” Axel murmured in response to a snarl, hand wrapping around Marluxia's cock.

“I much prefer to see it than feel it,” he breathed, pushing into Axel's hand and sliding hands up his shirt. At the urging, Axel worked his hand over him fast, the contact rough without the slide of proper lubrication – he'd substituted saliva, and it was only barely adequate.

“You just can't take what you dish out.”

Marluxia groaned softly. “We can't all have such broad tastes...”

Wandering towards the rose bushes, Roxas found a large and interesting spider expertly navigating the thorns, his shutter working so fast it barely made a sound. Following its advance along the flowers and up the climbing vines, he wasn't aware of being brought towards the gazebo. Eight legs crept from the stems to white-washed wood, perching on a horizontal rail long enough for Roxas to get a few really good, clear-

There was a strange flurry of color in the corner of his shot. Roxas took his camera away from his face, bemused, getting a proper look.

He saw Axel, turning the tides and forcing Marluxia against the post instead, hand pumping unmistakably and mouthing up his throat. Marluxia was digging his nails into Axel's hips, his ass, wrestling him closer.

“Shit-!”

At the loud hiss, Axel broke away with a startled laugh, seeking the source of the noise. Roxas had backed away so fast that he'd tripped and sprawled on the grass. He knew one had to be Marluixa, but hadn't identified the other, yet; the look he got was too brief. Marluxia tilted his head, eyes narrowing. “What do we have here? A spy?”

“You didn't mention you had voyeurs on your property.” Axel drew back a bit, but his hand was still on Marluxia's cock. His hard-on hadn't flagged at all.

“Wh-what the hell are you doing?!” Roxas, bright red, filtered his mortification as anger. “Get a fucking room, god -!”

“Oh,” Marluxia sneered, leaning into the rail. “It's Namine's little friend.”

Axel pulled away at last (Marluxia hissed in displeasure), starting to grin in stunned hilarity. “Wait. I _know_ you.”

It took Roxas a second to take Axel in, realize he _did_ know him, and what that meant. “... U-uh...”

“You sure you're not spying on purpose?” Axel's eyes flickered down. “With a camera. Wow.”

“I was – the flowers – there was a spider,” Roxas fumbled over his explanation. Sighing in distaste, Marluxia zipped his jeans and adjusted for his discomfort.

“I'm not buying it,” Axel glanced at Marluxia. “You buying it?”

“Oh, ignore him. He's always here taking pictures of something.”

Furiously red, Roxas scrambled back up to power-walk to where he’d dropped his skateboard. He needed to see Namine, and ask if she had some manner of magic ability to make him forget everything he just saw.

“Just don't put anything on the Internet,” Axel called after him. “We're still minors.”

Roxas felt hot up to his ears, and took up an even brisker pace.

He had a definite, solid opinion of Axel. He just counted himself lucky that he probably wouldn't have to see him much, if ever, again.

  


* * *

  


Still holding hands, Aerith gave Zack's a gentle squeeze and returned his encouraging smile. Difficult though it may be, she hoped the boys would keep to their word. In some sense, they were to be a family. That much was already clear to Ven, too, and he was glad to see the both of _them_ looking happy, even if Axel and Roxas weren't.

And they most definitely weren't. Roxas was still being appraised with narrow eyes, Axel was still being fiercely ignored, and the only certainty they shared was that they would _never_ get along.

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello y'all! Apologies for the long stretch between chapters - as of today's update, we're going to be adding a new chapter every Monday. Keep an eye out!

In a perfect world, Roxas would have gone months without having to see Axel again, _minimum_.

But the world was a sack full of crap hurtling through space around a flaming ball of gas.

Only a week later, Zack had made reservations at the most renowned five-star restaurant in the city and donned his dress uniform. It was an acceptable substitute to a suit, but he'd gotten both boys some nice jackets, slacks, and ties. Roxas thought he looked like an usher, or – if he was being generous to himself – a butler.

Ven may have been equally uncomfortable, but he was excited nonetheless. They were doing something fancy and obviously important, picking up the secondhand anticipation oozing off Zack. He'd made sure they were early and brought presents; a bouquet from Aerith's favorite flower shop, and (after some deliberation, and only because he couldn't think of a single other thing Axel might like) a sleek silver lighter.

The car door slammed, and Roxas looked up at the ritzy restaurant with a feeling of dull foreboding. “Think she'll guess you're trying to do something special?” he asked, the toneless quality to his voice doing nothing to dull the sarcasm.

“Hm?” Zack's heart was pounding so vigorously he thought he might be vibrating, but nothing would fade his grin. “No sass, c'mon, Roxas. I want your _actual_ best behavior – last dinner was... just okay. We can do better than that.”

“I can sass until we're inside,” Roxas groused, rolling his eyes. “You want me to pretend I can actually stand to be at a table with Axel. I got it.”

“Can't you _try_ to like him? He seems like he has an attitude, but... so do you.”

Roxas had to be careful in his protest, lest his father think it was one of those 'doth bitch too much' situations. “He's got more than an attitude. And he's just going to try to get under my skin now. Guarantee it.”

“Then be the better man,” Zack implored, getting the door to lead them inside. They were fifteen minutes early for being ten minutes early. “Please?”

A petulant part of Roxas wanted to say no. “... Alright,but just because tonight is obviously something big.”

An anniversary, he was guessing. Single parents always pulled out all the stops on anniversaries.

“ _Thank_ you,” Zack said, grin at full magnetic force, and spoke to the host about being led to their table. Ven cast wide eyes around their surroundings, never having set foot in any place so fancy and apparently finding it awe-inspiring instead of discomfiting. Roxas pulled at his collar and sighed.

They spent a much longer time deliberating over the seating arrangements than necessary. Zack seemed to be trying to calibrate every aspect of the evening to make sure the road to his unknown goal was as smooth as possible.

“You two should probably sit together,” Roxas grudgingly suggested, watching Zack go from one seat to another.

“Yeah... Yeah, probably,” Zack nodded, rejecting the idea of sitting across from Aerith at last. His sons would want to sit with him, Axel would sit with her, and it wouldn't be as conducive to the 'whole, happy family' atmosphere as he wanted.

“And then... I guess the three of us on the other side?” Ven offered. “Or would that be like a weird audience thing?”

“Maybe...” Zack was pensive. “But I should still sit with her... Maybe it's fine. What do you think?”

In the dullest way, Roxas replied. “I think it doesn't actually matter that much because you're gonna spend the whole night staring into each other's eyes anyway.”

He deliberately steered Ven into the middle seat, keeping himself separate from the chair that would be Axel's.

Fifteen minutes later, Aerith stepped out of a taxi, accompanied by her son. She'd sprung for one simply because her long dress didn't accommodate driving very well, and she was fussing over her appearance after the driver collected his pay.

It was downright _weird_. Axel had never seen her so conscious of her looks before, and it was hard to come up with anything to allay that for her. After all, whether she was in a glitzy gown or a housecoat, she always just looked like... mom.

Nonetheless, he offered her a, “You look great, Mom,” as he messed with his tie.

“You don't think I overdid it?” She attempted to adjust her hair blind. Obligingly, Axel took over fixing strays, sympathetic to her need to look her best. After all, if he was right about what was going to happen tonight (and Aerith herself had a half-formed idea, but didn't want to get her hopes up) she had every right to be nervous.

“No, it's fine.”

Aerith seemed to find some reassurance at last, and let her hands drop. “Thank you, sweetie.”

“Alright, it's good,” Axel declared, and just let Aerith attempt to flatten his hair in turn. “But that's a futile effort, Mom, the battle's lost.”

She sighed and gave up. “One day I'll manage it, I swear. I suppose that's good enough to go in.”

“We could try cement, next.”

Right before the doorway, Aerith halted him with one of those manipulative motherly looks of stern pleading. “And you're going to be a gentleman tonight, got it?”

“I will if _he_ is.”

“I don't want _either_ of you starting anything. Please just try to get along with him – you haven't had any problems with Ventus.”

“Why would I, he seems like a nice kid.”

Her son's mind was truly beyond fathom. Aerith shook her head. “Then can you try with Roxas?”

“Again, totally dependent on him,” Axel claimed stubbornly. “I started off trying to be nice.”

That was true, technically. He'd been flirting – that was inherently complimentary.

“There's such a thing as a second chance.” That was, apparently, all Aerith was going to say on the subject, as she began to head inside. Defensive, Axel lowered his voice to a grumble she'd be sure to miss.

“I thought I gave him one...”

There was no need to trek over to the table or ask the host to direct them. Upon walking in, Zack was the first thing they saw. More specifically, the enormous bouquet he was holding, and his sparkling grin.

“You look amazing,” he announced, starry-eyed admiration seeping off him from every pore. Axel braced himself so as not to be nauseated while they were romantic at each other, _right_ before he was about to eat. So rude.

“You've cleaned up nicely, yourself,” Aerith smiled flirtatiously, leaning in to give him a brief kiss. She took the flowers as they were offered to her.

“Goes without saying, these are for you...”

“You remembered my favorite,” she gushed softly. “Thank you. They're beautiful.”

“I remember the important things,” Zack laughed. “Here, table's this way...”

“I hope you didn't put yourself into debt, reserving at this place.”

“Don't worry about the cost – we're here as a treat.” Walking side by side with Aerith, Zack covertly stretched a hand out behind himself, the silver lighter in his palm. Axel, trailing behind, needed a second to realize that it was intended for him. Swiping it up, he gave it an inspection and grinned.

It was a _nice_ lighter.

They reached their table to find the very beginnings of a squabble, Roxas having been stealing sips of Ven's drink whenever he could get away with it. Any bickering was quieted when their father arrived and pulled out a chair.

“You been behaving yourselves?” Zack asked, eyes flickering between his boys. Lighter securely in his pocket, Axel slid into the chair beside Ven.

“Yes,” Roxas claimed, hastily sitting back properly. He was... _satisfied_ , he guessed, with the Ven-shaped barrier between himself and Axel. So long as they ignored each other, they'd be fine.

Ven was about to say differently on the whole 'behaving' subject, but became distracted in an instant. “Wow, you look really pretty tonight, Miss Aerith.”

Flattered, Aerith took the seat. “Thank you. But just Aerith is fine, I'm not your teacher.”

“I arranged for them to bring a bottle of wine, once we're all here,” Zack informed the table, unfolding his napkin.

“Can I have some?” Axel requested instantly. Aerith considered.

“Well, since it's a special occasion...” she paused, glancing at Zack. “Is it a special occasion?”

“I like to think so.” Zack tried, and failed, not to be obvious. Aerith didn't mind the lack of subtlety, though she still told herself she wasn't _sure_ what he was up to.

“Then, I suppose a _little_ is okay.”

Axel's outlook on life brightened considerably. “You're a wonderful caregiver and a fantastic mother.”

Zack chuckled, opening the menu. “They should be around in a minute – should we get an appetizer for the table?”

“Yes, I imagine your boys could eat quite a bit, combined.”

Ven grinned. “Yeah, kinda.”

“Anyone have ideas?” Zack scanned their appetizer list.

“I don't think this is the kind of place that does endless breadsticks...” Roxas stared at the appetizer list. Axel almost grinned, but suppressed the inclination.

Before there could be too much debate over it, their pencil-mustached waiter came with the wine and an executive decision was made by Zack. He ordered according to his sons' tastes, and hoped that Axel would approve. With their first course ordered, the waiter resumed pouring the rich red into glasses.

Aerith leaned closer to Zack, murmuring with a smile. “Since when is wine your thing?”

“It's not,” he admitted quietly. “I had to ask around to find out what's good. Ah – we should toast, don't y'think?”

Axel paused with his glass halfway to his lips. Aerith laughed softly as Zack distributed the remaining two glasses.

“What are we toasting to?” she inquired.

“How about... to family?”

“Very appropriate,” she praised, raising her glass. “To family.”

Politely, Axel raised his glass to oblige before he took his sip. Aerith savored hers, nodding to Zack in approval. “You were right to ask for help. This is good.”

“Glad you think so,” Zack grinned. Personally, he couldn't taste the difference between wines.

To acknowledge the toast, Roxas swiped Ven's drink yet again, to a vocal protest from his brother and Axel's private amusement again.

“Roxas, you can get your own drink,” Zack shot him a _look_.

“What? The waiter walked off before I could ask for a refill.”

“Don't keep stealing Ven's.”

“Fine,” Roxas sat back. “But tell Ven to drink faster.”

Ven's hands protectively wrapped around his glass. Axel smirked against the rim of his wine glass, reflecting on the sass that'd attracted him to Roxas in the first place. Too bad that sass turned to ass.

“So, Axel – how's school?”

Oh, it was time for the awkward questions from the substitute patriarch. Axel lowered his glass. “I show up and it eventually ends, that's the most I can say for it.”

“There must be something you can tell Zack about school since the last time you saw him,” Aerith wheedled.

“... There's a new dent in my locker, presumably from the last book landslide.”

“Huh,” Zack blinked. “Must be cheap lockers.”

“They are.”

Ven laughed a little. “How many books do you keep in there?”

“I have something like... two per subject...”

The laughter died, and Ven's eyes went round with sudden worry. “Is that what being a senior is like?”

“Only when you load up on sciences,” Axel reassured him, and Ven relaxed.

“Oh. Well, that probably won't be me.”

“What subjects do you two like?” Aerith asked.

“I like English... and P.E,” Ven said.

Roxas shrugged. “Math, I guess.”

Axel's gaze slid towards him frequently. It really was a shame he was so... like he was. That overall indifference but preference for the logic-based classes? Yeah, that was the shit he did like.

“And how are your grades?” Zack looked at Axel, pulling him unpleasantly back to reality.

“... When they don't bore me, good, I guess.”

Aerith was on that like a vulture on roadkill. “You're keeping up your grades for your applications, right?”

“Yeah, of course,” he said hastily. “It's less dull this year, anyway.”

Satisfied with that answer, Aerith took another sip of wine. “Hard to believe you'll be in college in less than a year...”

Exactly what he'd been trying to avoid thinking about. “Yeah.”

“Any thoughts on where?” Zack questioned.

“Not really.”

“We'll talk about that soon, though,” Aerith nodded. Axel drank more wine.

“Staying local would definitely be the most financially safe bet,” Zack pondered aloud.

“Not to mention I'm not sure I'm ready for my only child to fly the nest just yet,” Aerith laughed, with just a bit of a wistful note underneath to indicate the sentiment was genuine.

“Have you ever thought of adopting?” Axel suggested innocently.

“I didn't say I wanted to _raise_ another one.”

For Zack, there was no better time than the present, and no better opening. “... What if you had a couple more where most of the raising's been done, already?”

Her eyes slid to him. “That's an oddly specific 'what if'.”

Roxas sat up straighter. Axel leaned back to observe the show; he'd seen this coming from a mile away.

“You know I love you.” Zack smiled broadly, despite his nerves. “It's taken me a _really_ long time to feel this much like... myself. You make me like me, again, and that just makes me realize how amazing you are. And how good we are together.”

Aerith was beginning to glow a joyful pink, blushing in a way she hadn't since she was a teenager. Zack withdrew a white velvet ring box.

“... I think we're _best_ together, and our families could be too.” Zack glanced at his sons. “Once they get used to each other, a little more. But-... What I'm saying is, if it's alright with Axel too, is... I want to get married.”

Axel hadn't seen Aerith smile like that since he was much, much younger. Her hands were clasped, held against her chest as her heart skipped like a schoolgirl's. “Roxas and Ven have to agree, too, of course...”

“Boys...?” Zack prompted hopefully.

Ven's eyes were practically sparkling, nodding vigorously. Both Axel and Roxas balked for a fraction of a second.

Axel couldn't deny them anything, right now. “You have my blessing.”

Roxas didn't need to be told that to say 'no' now would be as good as breaking his dad's heart. “... Yeah. Go get the girl, Dad.”

Aerith laughed bashfully, watching Zack open the ring box.

“Then... will you marry me, Aerith?”

She was starting to feel a little teary. “Oh, Zack – yes. Of course I'll marry you.”

Her hand was held out to him, and he slid the ring onto her finger with care. They were both bright-eyed, as adoring as any two people could be, and Aerith prompted him gently closer to kiss him with her diamond-decorated hand.

Two people at the table were starting to feel cold, sinking dread. The realization that Axel would be his brother made Roxas go off his food entirely, no matter how happy for them he was... And though he'd never seen his mother so happy, Axel was more uncomfortable with the idea of having to move in with these people by the second.

Ven, on the other hand, was wondering if this made Aerith his stepmother now, or only after the wedding.

“There are still children present, parent-figures,” Axel tried to tease when the kiss went on, emulating his usual humor.

Without looking at him, Roxas spoke up. “If there's going to be a wedding, you'll have to get used to parents kissing.”

Axel bristled. “Stellar observation, Roxas. Your input is greatly valued.”

“Great. I'll maker sure to let you know any others I have.”

Aerith broke out of her blissful haze, no longer attached to Zack. “Be nice,” she addressed them both, though her eyes were more on Axel.

Totally unfair. Roxas had started it by breaking their 'ignore each other' rule. “I _am_.”

“Sarcasm isn't the same thing.”

“He's goading me.”

Zack sighed.

“You started it,” Roxas muttered.

“ _Did_ I? How?”

“By making commentary when they were just being happy.”

Axel's eyes narrowed malevolently. “Weird, I remember you starting it a _lot_ earlier.”

“What's that mean?” Roxas fired back.

“I think you know.”

Roxas felt heat in his cheeks – Axel had practically purred, and he knew exactly what that tone was for. Worse, he couldn't even defend himself without letting his dad know he was at a party _and_ drinking.

“It'll just take some time,” Zack whispered to Aerith. “They'll get used to each other.”

“If you ask me, they're acting like brothers already,” she said, exasperated.

“So we'll take this as encouraging?”

“If nothing else, we should take it as the norm from now on...”

Ven was beginning to shrink back in his seat, eyes growing wide with almost-panic. Axel was shooting Roxas challenging looks with his wine glass raised, while Roxas was glaring back with his lips pressed into a line.

“That's enough of that,” Zack commanded, bringing a little bit of his military tone into the mix. “You're making Ven uncomfortable.”

Axel lowered the glass. “Sorry, Ven.”

“Sorry,” Roxas mumbled.

Glad the truce seemed to be back on (however tentatively), Aerith sipped her wine. “Anyway, this is an occasion worth celebrating! Order anything you like, boys.”

If only. Roxas opened his menu once more, but the empty twisting of his stomach made him feel like his appetite would never appear again. He could smell rich alcohol, see Axel's ridiculously bright red hair from his peripheral vision...

Of all the worst days of his life, this just might make the top five.

  


* * *

  


Monday was overcast and drizzling, which coordinated very well with Roxas's gloom. He slid to a slow halt in the school parking lot, kicking up his dripping skateboard to carry to his locker.

The weekend had only come with more unpleasant announcements since the Friday night of the engagement, and he wasn't eager to reflect on it. That said, Roxas had always been the type to dwell, and there was only one person he wanted to talk it over with. She would understand – she always did.

He entered the lobby, a mass of students swarming this way and that over the dirty, rain-streaked floor. Pushing his limp spikes determinedly up to no avail, he almost missed the tiny blonde figure who seemed more soaked than her peers. Frown deepening, Roxas winded through the throng to see her combing fingers through her wet hair, shivery and out of breath.

“Namine...”

She'd just started to inspect the contents of her bag in concern, hoping her sketchbook hadn't gotten wet. Namine raised her head when her name was said, though, and gave Roxas a little smile. “Good morning...”

“How long were you out there?” Roxas stared, watching her rummage through the star-patterned backpack. “You didn't stop to take a sketch of something, did you?”

“Oh, no,” Namine shook her head, still sounding a little winded. “I had to walk from Castle.”

Castle High School was where Marluxia attended, and where she'd been dropped off despite the request of her foster parents to drive Namine to her own.

Roxas scowled. “Again?”

“If it wasn't for the rain, I wouldn't really mind...” Namine zipped up her bag and put it back on her shoulders. “At least my sketches stayed dry.”

He made an irritated sound that they both knew wasn't directed at her. “Come with me to my locker, I think I left a hoodie in there on Friday.”

“If you don't mind... I appreciate that a lot, thank you...”

“Can't send you off to class like that. You'd freeze to death and not say a word the whole time.”

Namine's cheeks took on the faintest flush, only really visible because her skin was so pale. “It _is_ chilly in here.”

“Come on,” he prompted, and headed for the first stairwell with Namine in tow. “So... think your weekend can top mine for craziness?”

“I have a feeling it can't. What happened?”

“You know my dad's been dating someone,” Roxas began, and she nodded.

“I remember you saying so.”

“He's marrying her.”

The news didn't seem to give Namine pause. Instead, she probed with a note of concern, “You're not happy for him, though?”

With the air of someone who'd answered that question many times already, Roxas replied, “I'm happy for him, or – at least, I want him to be happy.”

She began to nod slowly. “... Of course you do. This just puts you into a living situation that won't make _you_ happy.”

“I don't know,” he groaned. “She's nice enough, and Dad was always so happy with my mom...” Pausing, Roxas swallowed hard. “He looks the same when he's with her.”

A gentle hand touched his arm. “He will be happy, and you'll adapt. Even if it's uncomfortable... It won't be forever. Come college, you may even be able to move out.”

“It's not _her_ I have a problem with, it's her kid.”

“It amounts to the same thing, though...” Namine sighed. “It must feel awful.”

“Which part?” he grumbled.

“Wanting the best for your family, and knowing it's the worst thing for you.”

Roxas sent her a significant look. She continued without acknowledging it, “Eventually, you two will reach some kind of truce. No one wants to go home and feel... under attack. They'll _want_ to make peace, even if it means you ignore each other.”

“You don't know what he's like,” he burst out. “He's always so smug, and he looks at me like he's waiting for me to trip up so he can tell everyone-...”

He stopped mid-sentence. Namine tilted her head slightly. “Tell everyone what?”

Mouth hanging open, all he managed was a dry croaking sound.

“Roxas?” Namine was becoming worried. Only to allay her fretting did he recover quickly.

“You know when I saw Marluxia and _that guy_ in your yard, back in September?”

Beginning to nod, Namine started and clapped a hand to her mouth. “Oh-!”

“Yeah,” Roxas said grimly, “ _that's_ the one I'm supposed to move in with at the end of the month.”

“ _Oh_ dear...” Namine was a little wide-eyed. “Axel. I've met him, he comes over sometimes and – um, I don't know much else about him, but... I see.”

“Anyone who hangs out with Marluxia can't possibly be tolerable.”

“I hope he turns out to be...”

Pushing the third-floor door open, Roxas let it swing once Namine had come through. “I just hate how fast this is all happening. Dad made an offer on the new house before she even said yes, just so we could move in together as soon as they were engaged.”

He must have been extremely confident she'd say yes... Or, incredibly optimistic.

“A new house...” Namine bit her lip, a whole new wave of fear coming over her. “It didn't even occur to me you'd be _moving_ , of course there isn't enough room for them to just move into your house...”

They came to Roxas's locker, and it took her a moment to find the courage to ask her question. Even so, Namine's voice was small.

“You won't be going far, will you...?”

Roxas's eyes widened as it dawned on him – she was afraid that he'd be changing schools, going somewhere where they wouldn't end up seeing each other anymore. “No, no-! It's actually closer to your place. Farther from the school, but they wanted a place that was kind of between their house and ours.”

Namine was visibly relieved. “Good...! That's good.”

“Only apparently that means changing districts for Axel,” Roxas frowned. “So, he's coming here in November.”

“He has to change in the middle of the semester?” Namine sounded a tiny bit sorry for him. “That'll be hard...”

Roxas shrugged, unsympathetic. Trailing off, Namine let herself be lost in thought for the whole five seconds before the warning bell rang, making them both jump.

“Oh, no -”

“Shit – hold this?” Handing over his skateboard, he worked the combination lock in a flurry of twitching motion. Namine held the board in front of her like an overlarge notebook, watching him yank the locket open and rummage for the checkered hoodie. He exchanged it (rather more gently) for his skateboard.

“Thank you, Roxas,” she smiled gratefully, heaving her backpack down to rest on the floor.

“Don't sweat it. Sorry if I'm making you late.”

“I think I was bound to be late today,” she reassured him, pulling the hoodie on. The overlarge quality made her look like a black-and-white marshmallow, but considerably more comfortable. “I'll see you in Math!”

She was dashing off a moment later, bag swinging from her hands.

“Yeah, see you...” he called after her in a shrinking voice, gathering his textbooks and binders for the gray, miserable morning.


	3. Chapter 3

Moving in wound up being a quieter affair than expected, but only because the transition was eased by generous offers of bribes. It was hard for even Roxas to complain (much) when he had a brand new and very expensive camera in his clutches, and Axel's departure from his old school didn't seem so bad now that he had a sweet second-hand ride to take on his first day at Hollow Bastion. Ven, who had never been unhappy with the situation to begin with, still walked away from the gift-fest with a very excited puppy on a leash.

He'd named him Pluto. Roxas blamed their cousin's influence, Ven having spent almost an hour on the phone with Sora before christening the floppy-eared dingus.

Additionally, Roxas had nabbed the bedroom that was farthest away from Axel as possible, saddling Ven with the middle bedroom. Having his own room was already proving to be pretty novel; he could unpack at his own pace, take up as much space as he wanted, and leave his stuff on the floor without his brother ever confusing it for his own.

None of this was to say that Roxas was _happy_ , or _adjusting_ to the situation. He now had to wake up earlier in the morning to get to school, if he wanted to keep pretending Axel didn't exist. Under Aerith's orders – or rather, implicit orders masquerading as a kindly suggestion – Axel was supposed to give them a lift to school, but Roxas would rather trudge through snow, uphill, both ways.

The time had come for Axel to actually attend classes, and he wasn't looking forward to it. He'd deliberately dressed himself to look as unapproachable as possible once he'd checked whether or not the dress code prohibited leather, and proceeded to smuggle eyeliner out to his car so his mother didn't see him leave the house with it on. While he waited for Ven (he was taking his time, having to convince Pluto to stay in the backyard rather than follow them to school), Axel applied some heavy lining to his eyes.

One half stereotypically gay, the other half a nice 'just got out of juvenile hall'. Yeah, he was satisfied with his appearance – it'd make a clear impression to his new schoolfellows that he didn't give a shit and was willing to prove it.

The passenger side door opened, shut, and Ven dropped his backpack at his feet.

“Roxas coming?” Axel inquired, putting the cap back on his eyeliner. Ven stared for a full five seconds.

“No, he left like... half an hour ago.”

Axel grinned and started the car. “Perfect.”

He was perfectly happy to avoid Roxas too, but he did wonder if they'd end up passing him on the way. It'd be kind of funny to watch him suck on exhaust through the rear-view mirror.

Ven buckled himself as the car pulled out of the driveway, and he offered the start to a conversation. “I think you'll like our school.”

Although bitter, Axel curbed his instinct to snap at Ven – that wasn't a practice of his. “How bad are the teachers?”

“Most of my teachers are nice to me,” Ven shrugged.

“Hn. We'll see how much they like me.” Teachers never liked Axel. He was okay with it.

“But a lot of interesting people go there, so you'll have friends.”

“We'll _definitely_ see about that.”

Very seriously, Ven reassured him, “Even Roxas has friends.”

Axel smirked. “... So there's hope for me.”

“Yep!”

This was exactly why he kept to his best behavior with Ven. The kid felt more like a little brother than Roxas ever would, a refreshing blend of innocence and snark. Ven was just easy to get along with.

“Most of your friends are older, right?” Axel kept his eyes on the road, and one out for Roxas.

“Mhm. I have some friends my age, but my best friends already graduated.”

“Including the guy who's your sword trainer?”

“That's Terra, yeah,” Ven supplied.

“So you're close even though he's older?”

It was a casual question. Were Axel not still looking out for Roxas, he might've been curious about the light pink tinge on Ven's face.

“We've been friends since we were little – or, since I was, anyway. His dad was our sword master.”

“That's cool.”

Their chit-chat was all the more idle from there, and their occasional lapses into silence were perfectly comfortable for them both. The school parking lot had plenty of free space – the crush would come closer to the bell – and Axel parked in a spot nearer the front doors.

“Alright,” he declared as he put the parking brake on. “Just text me if you're running behind after school, or something. I'll wait here.”

“Okay!” Ven heaved up his backpack and clambered out of the car. “Thanks again, Axel!”

“Later.” Doing another quick check on his appearance (and suppressing those pesky new-school nerves), Axel missed seeing Roxas skating past at an unhurried pace.

 

* * *

 

Here was the thing.

As loners are wont to do when dropped in a hostile environment where groups are all but compulsory, Zexion and Demyx flocked together. While not necessarily outcasts, they'd both cast pretty wide shadows with their reputations.

When Zexion had shown up on the first day of ninth grade with his hair in his face, clothing stark black against a perfectly nice day, and an average that only ever deviated from 100% to 99%, he'd already come to expect being ostracized. He hadn't accounted for Demyx.

Demyx was lazy, loud-mouthed, and friendly. He had also come out of the closet in seventh grade. While he'd never been the subject of violence (probably because he didn't fight back) he was accordingly disliked, deemed 'weird' by everyone he ever tried to be friends with.

It was simply meant to be. There were plenty of factors that made their companionship improbable, but it _worked_. Since then, they'd never successfully brought a third into their anti-social circle – Zexion would find something off-putting or irritating, and they'd cut their newcomer loose.

That was fine. Zexion shot a text to Demyx to let him know he'd arrived, subsequently jerking him from his dozing in the cafeteria. Demyx brightened, shot towards Zexion's locker, and dodged milling students with the expertise of a senior.

He met Zexion there within a minute.

“Hey, Zexy!” he greeted, slamming his shoulder into the locker next to him. Zexion was collecting his books, which were neatly stacked nearly as high as he stood tall. Or, not so tall.

“Good morning, Demyx.”

He didn't sound very welcoming, but that was par for the course. Accustomed to all of Zexion's idiosyncrasies, Demyx launched into conversation like they'd just been in the middle of one. “So I forgot half my homework at home but I guess it doesn't matter because it wasn't really all done anyway. Yours is all done, right? Probably is.”

Likewise, Zexion was used to this and made no attempt to match his talking speed. “Yes, it's finished. Are you going to be able to explain that?”

“Probably not,” Demyx replied with a careless shrug.

“Do you want me to help you with the next test to make up for it?”

“You're the best.”

“I will let you know when I have some time to tutor you.” It would take up a considerable chunk of Zexion's schedule to explain coursework several times in a row.

“It can even be last minute or whatever,” Demyx volunteered. “I can be free when you are.”

“If that's what you want.” Zexion shut his locker, books zipped into his bag. “Ready to go?”

“Mm-hmm.”

Their first class of the day was Biology, one of many that they had in common. Demyx often matched his schedule to Zexion's if he could (it ensured Zexion would always have a lab partner), but Biology was one of the few he actually liked. Only the marine life portion, granted, but that was more than he could say for his other classes.

The doorway was obstructed, though, by a lanky redhead with narrow eyes. He was looking into the room with distaste and hesitation, like he wasn't sure he was in the right place and kind of hoped that he wasn't.

Demyx blinked at his back. “You gonna go in?”

“Are you perhaps lost?” Zexion arched one eyebrow.

Tonelessly, Axel replied, “In a metaphorical way, or literal?”

Demyx was all the more baffled, but Zexion almost smirked. “Literal. Unless you're blocking the way to our Biology class by pondering the nuances of true existence.”

“I'm doing both, I'm a multi-tasker. You said this is Bio?” Axel looked towards them, doing a quick sweep of the two of them in turn.

Perhaps having a sixth sense informing him when he was being checked out, Demyx spent a couple of seconds thinking about sex with the new kid before affirming, “Yup.”

“... Come with us.”

It was an invitation not often extended. Zexion thought he ought to be honored.

Getting a read on Zexion was difficult for a stranger, though, and Axel was a little intrigued. “Is that an implicit 'or else'?”

“Or let us by and go in by yourself.”

Axel could have snorted. “No, no, allow me to get the door for you.”

“Is it gonna shut on me?” Demyx asked immediately.

“It had better not.” The threat was all the more unnerving for the unaffected tone of voice. Like he could straight-up murderize Axel and still enjoy a cup of tea after.

“You haven't pissed me off yet. I'd be direct, if I wanted to fuck with you,” Axel reassured him. That seemed good enough, and the pair walked through to their usual desks.

Zexion pointedly left a seat available for Axel, though.

 

* * *

 

Their rendezvous point was just outside the school, at the bike racks. Roxas had only stopped by his locker long enough to remove his skateboard, giving him plenty of time to wait for Namine and check his hair in one of the windows.

After-school dates were traditional, with them. They didn't always see each other on weekends – especially now that Roxas's life had become hectic – so there was no better time to be together than the few hours before he was expected home for dinner. It meant that they didn't often have a lot in the way of privacy, but that suited him fine; Namine was his best friend, and one of those girls who took things slow. Reserved, proper, sweet.

Speak of the devil, she was slipping out the front doors amidst a gaggle of teenagers, smiling at the sight of Roxas and coming over to him. His expression lifted a little, and he went to meet her halfway.

“Hi,” she greeted, adjusting the straps of her backpack. “I'm sorry, did you have to wait?”

He shrugged. “Not long. You ready to go?”

With a little affirmative hum, Namine began to walk. She had the uncanny ability to guide their path while keeping in step with Roxas, and he didn't try to take the lead from her. He did wonder, though, if he should try to hold her hand or something.

“So, your house is a bit closer,” he suggested.

“I don't know... Marluxia will be home.”

“Oh.” Fuck _that_. “Can't go to my place either. Axel.”

“That's okay. We could just go out somewhere, instead?”

Quickly, Roxas took a look into his wallet. “It'll have to be somewhere cheap... Sorry.”

“How about we just go to a cafe, then?” Namine suggested. “I'm a little hungry.”

“Sure. Anywhere you like around here?”

“There's one place that's pretty nice... They let me sit and draw for hours.”

“Sounds good,” Roxas agreed, a bit of a grin forming. “Are you going to let me see what you draw?”

Immediately, Namine's face went pink. “Nothing's really done, yet...”

“You sure I can't see anything?”

“I... I'll consider it...”

“I let you see my photos, don't I?” Roxas teased.

“That's different...! Somehow...”

His grin broadened. “Okay, I'll drop it.”

More mock-huffy than anything, Namine pushed his arm. It felt a lot like a light breeze, but Roxas stumbled just to make her feel better. She giggled, unconvinced that she'd been responsible but appreciating the gesture.

“So,” she lowered her hand over her smile, “you're still avoiding Axel?”

“I plan to do it for the rest of my natural life, if possible.”

“You two have never really talked on your own, have you?”

“No,” Roxas lied immediately. “But considering the 'censored version' -” he made quotation marks with his fingers - “I get to hear around the parents, I never, ever want to.”

“Just seems like it must be difficult for both of you...”

“I don't see where _his_ difficulty comes in.”

“He's an only child, isn't he?” Namine pondered. “And suddenly he's living with two boys whom he's supposed to treat like brothers, and he doesn't even know what that's supposed to be like. It's bound to be harder, with you avoiding him.”

“Avoiding him is the best option for everyone, believe me,” Roxas said firmly. “Anyway, he's getting the brother thing just fine with Ven. He drives him to school every day. Super brotherly.”

“Is it...?”

“Sure. Ven's happy.”

“That doesn't mean Axel is. Or that they're becoming more like brothers.”

Roxas sighed. “We're not brothers, anyway, s'far as I'm concerned.”

Though he half-expected Namine to dispute that, she only said, “I just hope you start to get along.”

“You sound like Aerith, you know.”

“Is living with her alright, at least?”

He was a little uncomfortable with the question. Anything he could say about Aerith felt like a direct comparison to his mother. “... Yeah, she's fine.”

“... You don't need to think of her as your mother, any more than you have to think of Axel like a brother.”

Roxas looked the other way. “Yeah, I know,” he muttered, and spoke again after a moment. “What about your family? Do you think of Marluxia's parents as your own?”

“Not really,” she admitted, “but they've been very kind.”

“Least _they_ are.”

“They have a lot of trouble trying to control Marluxia,” she sighed, voice softer.

“You _sure_ he's the biological kid? They seem too nice for _him_ to come from.”

Recognizing the attempt at lightening the mood, Namine smiled, but it was still a little troubled. “I think they hoped he'd be a little nicer, with me around.”

“So much for that...”

Namine bit her lip. “Maybe you are onto something. I keep hoping he'll start ignoring me, soon.”

“There has to be _someone_ who can make him stop.” Roxas's voice dropped bitterly. “Like the cops, maybe.”

“I wouldn't go that far...”

“Really? I would.”

“I hope you don't have to,” she frowned.

Fuck, he'd upset her. Tentatively, he reached out to put a hand on her shoulder. “... Sorry.”

“It's alright. I really do hope you find some kind of peace with Axel, though.”

“If being able to ignore him so thoroughly I forget he's even there counts as peace, I hope so too.”

Namine was quiet, not wanting to disagree. Instead, she pointed out their destination at the end of the block. “It's just there. I don't know if their coffee is any good, but their teas are really nice.”

“That's fine, I don't actually drink coffee for the taste.”

A smile bubbled up on Namine's face again. “I forgot. You just like the caffeine.”

“I need it these days,” Roxas confirmed, and decided it would be a perfectly legitimate move to take her hand for the last leg of the journey. Namine blinked, confused and not knowing Roxas to be a very tactile person, but opened the door with her free hand when they made it to the cafe.

Namine bought herself a scone and raspberry white tea, and Roxas purchased the largest coffee they had on the menu. They sat by the window, bags at their feet.

“How is it?” Namine inquired, breaking tiny pieces off her scone to nibble on while her tea cooled. Roxas was already sipping his hot coffee, not minding being scalded a little.

“Hot. Caffeinated. How's your scone?”

“Good,” she smiled. “I'm glad we came here, we eat dinner really late usually...”

“It's the opposite at my place. Do your, um, parents work late?” He wasn't sure if it was right to call her foster family that.

Namine didn't seem to mind one way or the other. “They don't get home until at least eight, most nights.”

Roxas winced sympathetically. “You have snacks at least, don't you?”

“Mm-hmm. I just don't like to be out of my room very much.”

“Yeah well, no one would with him around.” Roxas sipped his coffee again. His tongue was a little numb. “Should I start sending care packages through the window?”

She laughed. “It hasn't gotten that dire. And sometimes Marluxia isn't even home... He has his own friends.”

“I hope he's at least going to college away from home. Maybe in another country.”

Chewing slowly, Namine tilted her head and daintily covered her mouth while she swallowed. “... You know... You seem to really hate him.”

“Why shouldn't I?” Roxas raised his eyebrows. “He's creepy and he makes your life hell at home.”

“I don't know... Sometimes when you talk about him, it seems more personal than that.”

Most fortunately, Roxas wasn't aware that he'd started to blush. It curbed his defensiveness... but not entirely. “I barely know him. Can't I be worried about you?”

Namine paused. “I didn't mean to imply anything...”

“... I know,” Roxas sighed. “You can't help psychoanalyzing people.”

Turning red, Namine cast her eyes down. “I'm sorry.”

“I didn't mean it in a bad way,” Roxas hastily amended.

She didn't appear comforted. “Most people don't like that.”

“You'd do it no matter what, though. Wouldn't you?”

“I don't know... I don't usually realize I'm doing it, until I've annoyed someone.”

Desperately, Roxas sought something to say that might actually make her feel better. “Well... you can do it to me if you want.”

Starting to smile again, Namine reached for her tea. “I'm glad you don't mind.”

“We wouldn't work out very well if I did,” he noted.

Not following, Namine sipped her tea with an inquiring sound.

“If we didn't get along, I mean,” he elaborated, not quite sure what she hadn't understood. That appeared to have been the right clarification, though, as she nodded and set down her tea. He grinned slightly – he was pretty sure that meant Namine agreed that they worked well, as a couple, and it was nice to be on the same page.

“I think we get along just fine. You're even willing to hate my foster brother, for me,” Namine said, getting quieter when she joked as though she thought it wasn't quite appropriate.

“Someone has to.”

It was a lot more pleasant to hate someone _else's_ fake brother than his own. As time trickled past four and they eventually had to part company (Namine had homework, and she liked to get it done early), Roxas was left with no choice but to skate back home with heavy feet and a gloomy air.

Hating Axel was exhausting. If he could only get him off his mind...


	4. Chapter 4

Apart from a collection of non-essential boxes, and a bit of excess furniture from blending the two households, the move-in was more or less finished by mid-November. Zack and Aerith plainly couldn’t be happier, their two sons' cold-shouldering of each other aside. Actually, their open affection and flirtation was a little much for all three children to swallow, even Ven, who seemed to be almost in competition with his father for who could love Aerith more.

Axel seemed to be settling into school. He had two people he was pretty sure could be called friends; their numbers were in his phone, anyway.

And Roxas… well, Roxas wasn’t complaining _out loud_ , during the occasions he actually left his bedroom and graced the family with the sulky silence of his company.

Zack maintained that Roxas was just being a teenager, and he’d grow out of it soon. If not… at least Axel would be in college soon enough.

Things probably could have been worse.  
  


* * *

 

It was usual – expected, even – that on evenings Ven had sword training, he'd call to let his father know he'd be sleeping over at Terra's. It was a lot closer, a lot more convenient, and enough of his clothing had been left there that getting to school the next day wouldn't be a problem. That was one kid taken care of.

Zack pulled up into the driveway and whistled on his way up to the door, swinging his keys around one finger. Shoes were clustered by the front door – three sets, that looked about right. He could hear the clinking of Plutos's jangling collar as the dog came to greet him with a cold nose to the crotch, and there was a steady pounding thrum coming from upstairs.

That would be Axel, playing music at the loudest possible volume that still fell within 'acceptable' parameters. There'd been a few family arguments before that volume was designated. It wasn't angry-pounding music, though – Zack had become practiced at figuring out the difference.

Aerith had been reading quietly ( _as_ quietly as possible) in the living room to make use of her spare time, but gently closed the book and got up to meet her fiance. He'd resumed whistling as he removed his shoes.

“You're cheerful today,” she observed, kissing his cheek. Grinning, he wrapped both arms around her waist. Pluto bounced off, now that there wasn't room for him between the happy couple.

“I'm cheerful every day. I hear Axel's in a good mood?”

“I think he's getting used to his new school,” Aerith confirmed. “He's made some friends already.”

“Do you think he and Roxas might be okay on their own, tonight?”

Neither one had any delusions that their sons would warm up to each other, anymore. “I think so, if they stay out of each other's way.”

“Great!” Zack beamed. “Want to go out with me?”

“I already agreed to marry you, don't you think that's a bit backwards?” Aerith teased.

“You know what I mean,” he laughed, and kissed her cheek. “We could go to that sushi place you like.”

“It's a date.” Aerith took his hand and squeezed it. “If you'd told me ahead of time, I would have dressed up a bit.”

“You look gorgeous,” Zack insisted, grinning. “We can leave the boys pizza money.”

“I'll get my purse and let Axel know.”

“Great! I'm going to change out of my uniform, but I'll just be a second.”

They both went up to their bedroom, where Aerith had last seen her purse and Zack had last seen his clothes, and Axel heard a knock on his door minutes later. Book in hand, he got up and opened the door.

“Ah, mother! Pleasure to see you. You're looking well-... Money?”

She had a twenty and a ten in her hand, which she kept out of reach. Both startled and wary, Aerith peered past her son. “You're not doing anything suspicious in here, are you?”

“I'm reading a book that's on the library's 'banned' list.”

Aerith didn't doubt him. “Zack and I are going out for dinner tonight, just the two of us. Ven's going to be out all night, so you just have yourself and Roxas to feed.” She handed over the money. “You can order a pizza or whatever you like.”

“Cool.” Axel took the cash, but he was frowning. “So we have to... interact?”

There was that Patented Mom Look on Aerith's face. “ _Yes_. Ask him what he wants, or I'll find out if you didn't.”

Axel groaned. “... Yeah, fine. But I hope you can live with yourself if he ends up murdering me, or something. You'll be out one biological son.”

“You're both going to have to learn to deal with the things that come with living together like this,” Aerith warned, and stepped back. “Just get dinner, and then you can retreat into your rooms and ignore each other some more.”

“I'm gonna be found at the bottom of a lake,” Axel muttered, starting to close his door.

He wanted to put off the unpleasantness of Roxas, but Aerith's apparent mind-reading was sharp. “Do it _soon_ , Axel.”

“I _will_...”

Aerith let him shut the door and heard his dramatic sigh despite the music. She sighed, herself, and met Zack just as he was leaving the bedroom in some of her most-approved-of-clothing.

“I like this look much better,” she praised, smiling and straightening his lapels.

“I thought a guy in uniform was a thing, for girls?”

“It isn't that you don't look good in it, but the novelty of a ShinRa uniform has worn off on me, I think.”

Zack took her hand and escorted her downstairs. “I'll see if I can get away with wearing a different one. Maybe a barista's?”

She laughed, listening to him banter all the way to the car and letting go of any lingering worries about how their sons would get by for the evening. At a relatively good stopping point in his book, Axel got up to watch them take off down the street.

It was... pretty early. Maybe he could wait until they'd come home and claim neither of them had gotten hungry enough to bother. Except, being a teenager with a fast metabolism meant he was _already_ hungry, and waiting was something equivalent to torture.

Maybe he could just order a large cheese pizza. That seemed a safe middle ground.

Axel fell back on his bed and had brought up the ordering site before he remembered Roxas was a finicky bitch. _Somehow_ , he'd find something to complain about, and Aerith would hear about it. He'd be raked across the coals despite his attempt at consideration.

Seriously, was it Axel's fault that Roxas was insecure in his sexuality? Had _Axel_ bequeathed Roxas's attitude problem at birth, good-fairy style? It was _normal_ to want to avoid and/or infuriate someone like that.

Whatever. Biting the bullet would at least give him something to sink his teeth into 'til the pizza arrived.

But, as it so happened, it really would have been better if Axel waited.

To block out the music, Roxas had thrown on his headphones to block out any and all sound the moment he'd gotten to his bedroom. Browsing on his laptop, he'd been entirely oblivious to his father coming home, or Zack and Aerith leaving again. And, unprompted, his body had started to take on that warm, familiar tingle a hot-blooded teenage boy was so familiar with.

Unconsciously, Roxas dragged his hand down, teasing idly between his legs. He hadn't stopped his various online activities, though he was operating one-handed now; nothing about the satire articles he was reading were at all sexual in nature, but he still thought nothing of unzipping his jeans after a very brief debate with himself. Roxas had already christened his new room this way many times over, a celebration of his newfound privacy.

His jeans were pulled down just out of the way, lotion was grabbed from his top drawer, and his headphones were back in before he went about slicking his growing erection. He was still just listening to the same music as usual, not particularly needing any other stimulus to get himself off. Roxas didn't even need to conjure up any particular images when he closed his eyes, thoughts drifting in and out of his head as regularly as though he was sitting through a particularly boring class.

It occurred to him belatedly that maybe he should be thinking of his girlfriend at times like this. But… no, wouldn’t that be disrespectful? Sure, he knew guys his age fantasized about girls they liked, but he and Namine were taking things slow - they hadn’t even kissed yet. It didn’t feel right to picture Namine while he touched himself. She trusted him after all, and she was… delicate.

Roxas pushed all thought from his head again, hearing only the music and just _feeling_.

Up, down... The drag of his thumb against the ridge of the head, the familiar pull of heat in his gut, the smooth speed he was working himself over with. Roxas's breathing had grown heavier, but that was practically drowned out by the sound of skin on skin. He heard none of it.

He didn't hear the knock on his bedroom door, either. Or Axel open it, when he figured Roxas was just ignoring him, as per usual.

Axel froze. With his eyes closed, Roxas hadn't noticed the interruption. There technically hadn't _been_ any interruption – he was seriously going at it, oblivious, cock pink and hard and beading at the tip, he was getting closer -

Well. It was rude to watch uninvited.

The door slammed shut, and Roxas sat up so fast that his headphones were ripped out of his ears. “ _Shit -!”_

Heart pounding for the wrong reasons, now (not the beating of pleasant exertion anymore), Roxas hastily covered himself up. All the heat in his body had focused in on his face, and he stared at the door with disconcerted panic.

He had _no idea_ who just saw him.

Axel had yet to move, standing frozen in front of the door with a hand in his hair. He was undecided on his next course of action – should he just go back to his room, or wait here until Roxas was done? He could always eavesdrop and try another polite knock when he was through. Maybe he'd even get lucky and hear Roxas moan something embarrassing.

Or arousing.

But that was a bad train of thought to board, so best to tear up that ticket and just. Bedroom. Go back to his bedroom.

Slowly, Axel backed away from the door and turned, zombie-like, back to his room.

… Yeah. Roxas was still a pain in the ass, and walking in on him was _beyond awkward_... but maybe that was a little hot.

After a couple of minutes of shock, Roxas managed to move, mechanically cleaning himself up and putting his jeans back on. Silence rang in his ears, despite the muffled music still coming from his headphones and Axel's room.

“School,” he mumbled to himself with a wince – his arousal hadn't been completely killed, and jeans were not the most comfortable thing to zip up over a hard-on. “Thinking about school...”

Axel's music abruptly shut off.

Roxas froze. Shock quickly turned to horror.

Throwing himself on his bed and with his door wide open, Axel picked his book back up to read until Roxas was done.

It took Roxas another minute to move again, mind a blank slate of dread. His back was ramrod straight as he opened his bedroom door, resolved not to say anything – maybe Axel wouldn't say anything, or maybe the music being shut off was a coincidence -

“Hope you didn't stop on _my_ account,” Axel called, eyes still on his book.

Roxas shut his eyes tightly and flexed his hands. No such luck. No such _fucking_ luck.

He found his voice after a moment. Thankfully, it wasn't a croak. “... Shut up.”

“I thought I had.”

“I mean permanently,” Roxas snapped, and only moved closer to Axel's open door to keep his voice low. “Don't talk about it.”

Hoisting himself over the side of his bed, Axel dropped the book and got up to approach the doorway. “You sure? We could even the score.”

When Axel got closer, Roxas drew back. “What does _that_ mean?”

“You could watch me jack off, and we'll call everything fair.”

Roxas went from pale to bright red in the span of a second, taking a few more hasty steps back. “You're _disgusting_.”

Axel laughed. That reaction had been exactly what he'd expected, and yet, more than he'd hoped for.

Glaring with the utmost loathing, Roxas grit out, “So what's it gonna take to make you forget about it?”

“Nothing,” Axel snickered. “Already forgotten. Do you want pizza or Chinese?”

“Ugh. Don't care,” Roxas scowled, wheeling around and marching back to his room. He shut the door with much more force than necessary.

“So glad I asked,” Axel intoned, and returned to his bed where his laptop was still open. Large cheese pizza it was, then... Although it was tempting to take off to Marluxia's, do _something_ to avoid staying home.

He'd only lied a little. 'Forgotten' was a generous way of saying that Axel wasn't going to mention the incident, but the image would be sticking with him for a while, whether he wanted it to be or not. And of course he didn't want it to be – Roxas was a bundle of issues bound to human form, and his stepbrother-to-be. Roxas was cold, and any self-esteem issues at work obviously had to do with his shaky sexuality. Before he'd hated Axel for anything else, Roxas had hated him for being queer, and that was the only thing Axel knew about himself with any certainty.

He didn't want to be here. Whether they were ignoring each other or not, Axel didn't want to be stuck with Roxas. Not for tonight, and not for the rest of his life.

Throwing himself onto his bed, Roxas buried his head under a pillow. He tried to reassure himself that being walked in on was _way_ less weird than finding Axel jacking off some other guy, but he was once again the one being burned by the memory.

Not for the first time, and completely without either of their knowledge, they were of one mind about something.

This just wasn't fair.


	5. Chapter 5

The wind nipped at their noses and cheeks, despite the valiant efforts of their winter wear. It was rare that they entered any of the shops they passed, Namine primarily peering into windows to guess at the price ranges and assortment of goods before deciding it wasn't the right store for them. They _did_ still duck inside the occasional home decor depot, fashion boutique, or chocolatier, but they only bothered to browse to avoid looking awkward. Really, they just wanted to leech a few minutes of heat before going out to brave the cold again.

It had been Namine's idea to go out Christmas shopping, with December fast approaching. She'd been fretting about finding the perfect gift for weeks, and Roxas – as the duty-bound boyfriend – volunteered to go with her when the weekend finally rolled around. Holding two steaming cups (hot chocolate for Namine, coffee for himself), Roxas followed her from place to place with few idea contributions.

“They really like gardening, but supplies are usually seasonal...” Namine mused, hugging her powder-blue coat around her tightly.

Roxas pulled down his nose-high scarf to speak. “Maybe you could make them some kind of decoration for their garden?”

“But what if I get something tacky?” Namine worried. Roxas floundered awkwardly.

“Well, my mom always liked things we made, even if they were ugly,” he volunteered falteringly.

She seemed sorry to have said anything. Biting her lip, Namine nodded. “I could make them something. Maybe a craft store will give me ideas...”

“There's one close by, right?”

“And it'll be warm in there.”

Hallelujah. Christmas had come early and Roxas had been a good boy, apparently. In the meantime, he held out the hot chocolate to Namine. “Here.”

“Oh – thank you,” she smiled, taking the cup in her fluffy gloved hands to sip.

“Oh, uh...”

For a second, Namine didn't catch on to what had made Roxas suddenly discomfited again. Inquiringly, she tilted her head and caught sight, belatedly, of the hand he'd extended as well.

“Oh -”

“If you don't want to -”

Namine interrupted Roxas's withdrawal by taking his hand. “The craft store, then... Let's go.”

Good. Hand-holding was starting to become a fairly regular thing – that was a good sign. Settling into her grasp, Roxas began to lead the way to the art supply store and gulped down several big swigs of coffee. Namine sipped her hot chocolate more carefully, the cogs in her brain still working furiously.

“I wonder if there's something practical _and_ decorative I could make for them...”

“Er, could be,” Roxas replied. “I don't know much about gardens. Except how to frame them in a picture.”

“Maybe there's someone I can ask.”

Their grasp on each other came apart as they entered the building, Namine lowering her fluffy hood while Roxas tugged at his scarf. He exhaled heavily, just to enjoy the novelty of not being able to see his breath.

“I guess we can just browse, since I haven't settled on anything yet,” Namine suggested.

“Yeah... You look around.”

She began to read off the aisle contents while she decided where to start, and Roxas followed her as she went. His inspection of all the shelves were with vague interest; he didn't know much about art except for the stuff that applied to photography. He did notice that they were gravitating towards the aisles Namine liked to frequent, though. Sketchbooks full of specialty paper, various tools and brushes, wide and colorful arrays of pencils. Though he didn't mind that they weren't talking to each other, Roxas still glanced at her once in a while to try to gauge what she was thinking.

When Namine stopped in front of some high quality pastels, he fondly recognized that look of nearly hungry longing.

“... I won't find anything for them here,” she sighed, tearing her gaze away at last. “Maybe something more crafty than artistic. Or both?”

Roxas side-eyed the price of the pastels and almost cringed. He forgot to respond.

“Maybe,” she started, focusing hard on her train of thought, “some kind of fence. A little one, to put around the budding flowers... If I made it collapsible... It'd just need little hinges, and I could make the boards look floral...”

“Uh – Yeah,” Roxas snapped back to attention. “That sounds great.”

“But maybe that's silly... I don't know,” Namine bit her lip, gaze falling. She looked angry with herself – no, more sad than anything. Concern stirred.

“... You're getting pretty worked up about this.”

“I just don't want to do something... childish, or -” Namine paused, exhaling slowly. “... I want to impress them, is all.”

Yes, Roxas was definitely concerned. “Is something wrong?”

Gradually, Namine led them towards the next aisle down, hesitating.

“... We talked about Marluxia, the other day.”

Roxas was interested at once. “And...?”

“They think I should transfer to Castle... If they keep fostering me.”

“Wha -... What?!”

He was stunned. He'd _been_ stunned at the suggestion that she move schools, first, but now he was floored. They couldn't. Why _would_ they?

“They think that, if Marluxia is having... problems... dropping me off, the problem could be solved if we just went to the same school. Or, if it's really that bad, putting me back in the system,” she explained, eyes downcast.

Roxas sputtered. “But-... That's _his_ problem. They can't give you up over that.”

“He's their child,” Namine said, “and I'm not.”

“You're not just some pet they can give up when you're not cute enough anymore,” he scowled.

Namine went faintly pink, staring at some oil paints without really seeing them. “If a compromise can't be reached, that's the solution they came up with. I want to show them I'm mature enough to handle this, so they listen when I say I don't want to do anything rash. I want to be impressive, and get them something that's thoughtful and practical and -”

“Namine.” Roxas grabbed her arm bracingly. “You don't have to _prove_ yourself to have a family. That's insane.”

Her eyes had fallen to the floor again. “... And what happens if I don't?”

“I don't know... But you've got to talk this out with them. This can't be what they want from you.”

“They just don't want any more trouble between Marluxia and me.”

Fury was bubbling up in the pit of Roxas's stomach and making him cold from the inside out. “I can't believe Marluxia gets away with this shit, and you get punished...”

“They're not trying to punish me,” she defended. Roxas raised an eyebrow.

“You sure about that?”

“All they want is for things to be calm.” Namine sighed into her hot chocolate cup, seemingly having been about to take a stalling sip. “If I just... put up with it, and convince them I'm worth keeping, I'm sure it'll be fine.”

He didn't like that as a solution, but after a moment’s deliberation, another came to him. “Hey... why don't you ask them for a bike for Christmas? You could bike to my place and we could ride to school together.”

Namine looked startled. “Oh, I wouldn't want to ask them for something expensive!”

“They practically live in a mansion,” Roxas pointed out, a bit amused. “They can afford a bike.”

Wrestling with herself, she suggested, “Maybe... something second-hand...”

“Wouldn't that be a compromise?”

“It would be worth asking,” Namine agreed.

“Better than trying to bribe them, anyway.”

Namine almost smiled, at that.

“I'd still like to get them something nice for Christmas.”

“Want to keep looking?”

“Mm... I think I'll try another few stores, just in case,” Namine decided, pensive again. “But I do still like the idea of carving something, it's a medium I've been wanting to investigate more. Maybe something more decorative than practical will be okay. They do have the room...”

“Why not?” Roxas grinned, and got out his phone to note the brand of pastels she'd been looking at.

  
  


* * *

 

“Dad?”

Zack was up to his elbows in dishwater, whistling as he followed their customary swap of dinner chores – Aerith cooked, he cleaned up afterwards, and the kids were tasked with all the other menial chores. There wasn't much to do tonight, though; Ven was out taking Pluto on his evening walk, and Axel had been given leave to go out to some party once he'd taken out the garbage.

Roxas's night was blissfully free, and dinner had underscored how awesome it had been to spend the day _away_ from his over-sized family. He'd barely been excused before he started texting Hayner, fishing for the invite he got within minutes.

He'd emptied his school bag and prepared to pack before remembering that whole 'permission' thing. Roxas bounded down to the kitchen to grab his father's attention and lingered under the lintel.

“Mm-hm?” Zack glanced over his shoulder, stacking another plate on the dish rack.

“Hayner says I can stay at his place tonight. Is that okay?”

“Right now?” Glancing at the clock, Zack deliberated over the pros and cons of getting another one of the kids out of the house. Axel would undoubtedly _just_ make it home in time for his eleven o'clock curfew (according to Aerith, that was standard), Ven would only be out for another half-hour at most... “That should be fine.”

Score. Already turning to leave, Roxas replied, “Cool. I'll be back by tomorrow afternoon.”

That was pretty much the same as saying 'thank you'. Rounding the rest of the way with his eyes on his phone, though, Roxas almost collided with Aerith.

“Oh – careful, Roxas,” she chided.

Zack reached for another plate, and called after his son. “Ah, hey – get Axel to drive you there.”

“Oh, _come on_ ,” Roxas protested, shoulders slumping and eyes rolling skyward.

“Drive you where?” Aerith inquired.

“Just Hayner's.”

“Your dad is right,” was her immediate response. “Were you really planning to skateboard there at this time of night, in this cold?”

“There's absolutely no way we'd let you go there without being safe,” Zack agreed.

“Can't one of you drive me?” Roxas most certainly did not whine, but an argument could've been made that he'd groaned every word.

“Axel's already going out. You can catch him before he leaves.” Since she had doubts that Roxas would try, Aerith turned to head up the stairs to do that for him.

“It won't be that bad,” Zack said encouragingly, and turned back to the dishes.

Roxas sulked all the way up the stairs and through packing things for overnight.

In his room, Axel was putting the finishing touches on his eyes. Thin, sharp eyeliner, just to make his green eyes _really_ kill... Hair styled, clothes flattering...

Stepping back, he gave himself a thorough appraisal.

“... I'd fuck me,” he declared under his breath, satisfied, and grabbed a large hoodie to cover his attire. Once he was out of the house, he'd take it off; thank god his car had heated seats.

“Axel?” There was a knock on the door, followed by his mother's dulcet voice. He capped the eyeliner and stowed it with the rest of his make-up stash.

“Yeah?”

“Roxas needs a lift to his friend's house. Take him out when you go.”

Axel just groaned in response.

“I mean it,” she warned, and trusted the motherly tone to do its work. Axel wouldn't be happy about it, but he definitely wouldn't disobey.

And damn it, she was right. The only compromise he could come to was to slip out, wait in the car, and hope Roxas would walk right by in implicit refusal.

By the time Roxas had finished packing up and started looking for Axel, the ignition had been switched on and the heated seats set to 'low'. The rumble of the engine seemed a good indicator that Axel was going to leave without him, though, and Roxas bolted out the door with many mumbled curses.

“Nice,” he spat at Axel, climbing into the car. “Real nice.”

Axel didn't look Roxas's way, checking that his fake ID was nestled safely in his wallet behind his real driver's license. “I was hoping you'd wait for me to leave. Get a ride with your dad.”

“Guess neither of us is that lucky,” Roxas groused, pulling his bag into his lap. He was also refusing to look at Axel, glaring straight ahead at the dark neighborhood streets.

“Just tell me where I'm driving,” Axel shot at him, doing up his seatbelt. “And don't expect me to pick you up later. I plan on being indisposed.”

“Whatever.” Roxas glared at the house across the street even harder. “I'll be out until tomorrow anyway.”

“Staying at your boyfriend's?”

“You know I have a girlfriend. Don't be stupid.”

Pulling out of the driveway, Axel resisted rolling his eyes. “Yeah, I have a question about that. Were you dating her the first time we met?”

Something inside Roxas's gut froze up. “... No, we were friends then.”

“Good. I can't stand cheaters.”

Roxas's glare turned on Axel sharply, but the effect backfired and he choked. “You – What are you _wearing?_ ”

It was a stupid, and rhetorical, question. Axel was dressed in leather-paneled jeans and seemed to have forgotten a shirt. There should have been _something_ under the open leather vest, and there shouldn't have been a studded leather collar around his neck.

He looked ridiculous. He looked like something out of a stereotype. He looked -

Not good at all. And only freaks had legs that long.

“What do you care?” Axel raised an eyebrow.

“I don't,” Roxas snapped, “but does your mom know you're wearing that?”

“No. I think she turns a blind eye to my wardrobe as much as she can. Why? Should I cover up, lest I give someone the wrong idea?”

Roxas crossed his arms and kicked his feet up onto the dash, sinking into his seat as though it might show mercy and swallow him. His blush was hidden by the dim light. “It's pretty gross for a seventeen year old.”

“Popular opinion says otherwise. 'Sides, as far as anyone else knows or cares, I'm twenty-two.”

His blush deepened. “So you're lying about your age, too.”

“Shocking, isn't it,” Axel drawled.

“Don't expect me to keep any secrets from Aerith.”

“Yeah?” Axel smirked. “Then don't expect me to.”

Roxas knew a threat when he heard one, and bristled. “What kind of secrets?”

“How we met, for a start. The fact that you drank, too. Maybe throw in an honorable mention of your foray into gay flirting.”

Feet slipping from the dash, Roxas sat up sharply. “I wasn't flirting, and you were drinking too. You _gave_ me a drink!”

“Yeah. Because you started flirting with me.”

“You wish.”

“Blondie, do you _know_ how easy it is for me to pick up guys?” Axel taunted. “I know signals. And I know backpedaling. It was almost sad.”

Struck by the idea that Axel could have tried to pick him up, Roxas retorted before his train of thought could progress. “I don't want to hear about you picking up guys. And don't call me 'blondie'.”

Axel was irritatingly unaffected by his acidic tone. “Fact remains, we both know that you started flirting with me that night, and you went in reverse so fast you could've gotten whiplash – presumably because you don't want to admit to your homo-thoughts. So you could tell my mom I'm going out tonight to get laid, and we could watch her cry her eyes out in that innocently homophobic way she would, but you're still fucked by the truth.”

Roxas, briefly, was shut up by that.

“... I wasn't gonna tell her,” he scowled. “I just meant I'm not covering your tracks.”

“Fine by me, I didn't expect you to. Now incidentally, where the fuck am I going?”

Arms folding around his backpack, Roxas grumpily sank into his seat again. “Sunset Terrace. It's off of Main Street, right on the corner.”

If they could just bear the rest of the ride in silence, things would be... livable. Roxas continued to grump and growl, eyes traveling over Axel's choice of attire again in disbelief, and therein was the mistake.

“Could you stop checking me out?”

Roxas almost choked and hacked up disgust. “Oh my god!”

“Seriously. I can feel your eyes.”

“That's disgusting. You keep bringing that shit up like we're not going to be legally family soon.”

“We'll never actually be,” Axel pointed out, surprisingly cold.

“No shit, Sherlock. That doesn't make it any less gross that you're implying it.”

“I wouldn't 'imply it' if you'd stop doing that full-body-scan thing.”

“Freak...”

“At least I embrace being a freak. I'm not a coward.”

“Fuck you.”

“Ah, ah – legally almost family,” Axel echoed snidely. Any of Roxas's remaining tolerance snapped.

“Let me out,” his voice was as cold as the wind lashing the windows.

“No. We're almost there.”

“I don't care. I can't be around you anymore.”

“Tough it out, or tuck and roll. I'm not stopping the car.”

Fuming, Roxas debated whether or not he was desperate enough to try leaping out. Not even Hayner, or fond reminiscing about his date earlier that day, could save his mood now.

It probably wouldn't have helped his mood to know that sex wasn't going to save Axel's, either.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Thanksgiving, to all our fellow Canadian nerds!

“ _Disneyland?!_ We're going?!”

Eyes lit with elation, Ven had almost bounded out of his seat when they got the news. It'd been over dinner on Monday, with Friday marking the last day of school before winter break.

Their first Christmas together needed to be something big and memorable, Zack had insisted, and it was always nice to escape the dreary slush of December. A warmer climate and jovial atmosphere seemed like just the thing they all needed.

There were vastly different degrees of excitement among the three boys, though. Axel thought the idea had potential, to be sure, if a theme park didn't turn out to be depressingly childish instead of a rollicking good time. He wasn't too worried, since he could always make his own fun if he really had to... He'd just need to get a few things through airport security, was all.

Roxas, admittedly, didn't mind escaping the cold. Nothing made him grumpier than chilly grey days (until meeting Axel had set a new grumpiness precedent). Being stuck with 'the family' with no possibility of seeing his friends made him pretty miserable, though, and the news struck an accordingly disappointing chord.

Even if everyone had been psyched up about the prospect, though, no one could ever match Ven's glee. They were still going to have a nice tree and Christmas movie marathon, he insisted, but Disneyland was the jolliest place he could imagine. _No one_ could be unhappy at Disneyland, and no one could be unhappy at Christmas, so this could only be a winning combination.

Ven immediately got on the phone with his friends, arranging for Pluto to stay with them rather than a kennel because _'Pluto can't be stuck in a crate at Christmas!'_ , and Aerith confirmed their reservations and tickets before the evening was out.

And Roxas sulked. All week, he sulked.

On Saturday morning, they'd be at the airport, preparing to board. He could have asked to sleep over somewhere, if he wasn't going to be forced awake so damn early. Because Namine had been spending so much time on her foster family's gift – an impressively intricate rose carving, which she was working on suspending in a glass case – Roxas only had Friday afternoon to spend with her, and he was at least going to make that count for something.

He found her packing up all her in-progress art from her locker, just in case inspiration struck over the holidays. Namine's portfolio bag was practically as big as she was, and her backpack was stuffed with her homework and various supplies.

“Hi, Roxas,” she smiled as she smoothed out a massive half-finished sketch, tucking it carefully among the others. Roxas leaned into the locker next to hers, his bag already hastily packed in order to catch up to her on time.

“Hey,” he greeted, gaze flickering to her locker. “You're really bringing all of that with you?”

“Just in case, you know...”

“You think you'll spend all of break working on art?”

“I might. I've just about finished the present for my foster parents. What will you be doing?”

He hadn't gotten the chance to tell her. A small part of him had kind of hoped Zack or Aerith might call the whole thing off, if it looked too expensive or something. “Ugh, my family's doing this big trip. I think it's supposed to make us bond.”

“Maybe it will help,” Namine traitorously suggested. “You still haven't spent much time around Axel except to avoid him or argue. If you're stuck together on holiday, you should at least find some common ground to be civil on.”

“Or he'll just be even more irritating and ruin my whole break,” he argued. “I'd rather stay here, near you.”

“It would be nice to escape the house every so often,” she sighed, realizing late that she wasn't going to have that opportunity without Roxas around.

“I won't even get to see you before school starts again,” he groused.

Namine tried to be optimistic. “That isn't too long from now...”

“Still. Will Christmas be okay for you?”

“I don't know,” she admitted. “This will be my first one, with this family.”

Pitying her was an uncomfortable experience, one that Roxas tried to stamp down. “... Sorry, I didn't think of that.”

“I'm sure it will be nice,” Namine said, valiantly pursuing a bright outlook, and zipped up her portfolio bag. “Where's your vacation?”

“Disneyland.”

Never before had 'Disneyland' been said in such a deadened way. Namine started to giggle.

“That sounds exciting! You don't like it?”

“I liked it when I was nine. But apparently Axel's dad didn't believe in that kind of thing, so he's never been.”

“That'll be nice for him, then! You should try to have fun,” she encouraged.

“I'll be good if he is.”

“I know you will.” Still, Namine withheld a sigh as she closed her locker.

“And I'll get some princess pictures for you.”

A little smile turned up her lips, an inexplicable little flush blooming on her cheeks as well. “Thank you.”

“Oh, but anyway – I almost forgot.” Roxas slid his backpack off his shoulder to open it up. Namine looked bewildered.

“Forgot what?”

Removing a slim package wrapped in blue paper, Roxas offered it towards Namine. “This is, uh, for you.”

“Oh...!” her eyes widened. “That's so sweet, you shouldn't-... I don't have anything for you!”

He was blushing a little. “That's fine, I don't need anything.”

“Should I open it now? Is that okay?” Namine accepted it, but didn't seem to know what to do with herself.

“Sure. I want to see your face.”

Her slim, nimble little fingers plucked at the tape and peeled away the wrapping paper, and she went from flustered to stunned.

“... Oh, wow, Roxas...” Namine stared down at the set of very expensive pastels, the ones she'd been ogling when they'd gone shopping the other day.

“You like it, right?” Roxas grinned nervously. They were easily the most expensive present he'd bought, and he'd been wrestling with himself over actually _giving_ them to her ever since making the actual purchase.

“I _love_ it, but these must have been so expensive – You really shouldn't have, this is too much...”

He wondered if he'd embarrassed her. He _hoped_ he hadn't. “Well, you liked them, and maybe it hasn't been that long or anything, but who else would I get a nice present like this for?”

“I -” Namine faltered, confused. “That long since what?”

“Since... you and me?”

She was all the more confused. “Since we what?”

Roxas had never known Namine to be teasing. “Since we started dating,” he laughed shortly, trying to figure out her change in attitude. “Obviously.”

Belying any and all expected responses, Namine went pale. “... What?”

“What do you mean, 'what'?” He gave her a strange look.

“... Roxas, aren't you-...” Namine had lowered her voice, a little panicked, and dropped it to be nigh-inaudible. “Aren't you gay?”

He took a reflexive step back, hissing. “What?! No, I'm not-... Namine, since when have I ever-...?”

She was ducking her head, mortified. “I am... so, so sorry... I thought -”

“Seriously?” Blushing furiously, Roxas struggled to keep the strangled note out of his voice. “You thought-... This whole time? And you didn't _say_ anything?”

“No-... I – Roxas, I'm a _lesbian_.”

The wind had just been knocked out of him. “... Oh.”

“I thought-... you knew, and – I thought – I'm really sorry...” Namine's eyes were misting up, embarrassment and guilt etched all over her face, and if she cried Roxas would probably have to actually beat himself to death.

“Don't... I'm just... Just a total asshole.”

She shook her head a little, fervent and automatic. Her eyes fell to the pastels still clutched in her hands. “... You can return these, if you want...”

“No, it's fine. They're for you.”

“But you got them for me thinking-... something that wasn't true...”

“I was still thinking about you. And you like them, so... just keep them.”

Roxas was more just... saying words, than he was thinking about them. It was kind of hard to think _at all_.

“... I'm _so sorry_...”

“It's... whatever. I should be sorry,” he denied, pulling away. “Merry Christmas...”

“... Merry Christmas,” she echoed quietly. “I hope your vacation goes okay...”

“Yeah. Hope things are alright with your family. See you.”

He'd turned to walk away, and didn't want to stop when she anxiously called his name. He did anyway.

“I think... maybe...” Namine shook her head with a shaky breath. “I, um, never mind. Just, are we still friends?”

Slowly and with a sigh, Roxas turned back to her. “Yeah, we're friends. Of course we are. It was my stupid -... Anyway, we are.”

If nothing else, the reassurance kept Namine's tears from spilling. “I'm glad.”

“Yeah. I should really go. Dad's gonna be freaking out if everything's not packed by tonight.”

And even though he meant what he said, he didn't think he could stick around Namine until his shame cooled down.

Namine nodded. “Okay... I'll see you after the break.”

She waited to bury her face until Roxas had walked out of sight, and he waited until he'd left the hallway to start berating himself for being so _fucking stupid_.

Roxas told himself he was an idiot all the way home. As he did his last-minute packing. As he tried, in vain, to fall asleep that night.

 


	7. Chapter 7

They'd left for the airport three hours early to make sure no delay would cause undue stress. Miracle of miracles, the journey actually went off without a hitch – tired as the boys may have been, they trudged to the car without dragging their feet and had their bags ready. The taxi had come on time, and the traffic was pretty clear. Customs didn't take too long to get through.

Which meant they had an hour to just... wait.

Zack ran off to get snacks and drinks to keep them going, leaving Aerith with a kiss and the boys a somewhat-pleading reminder to behave.

“Just be quick,” Aerith implored, worried even with the buffer time they had.

“I know. Don't worry, we have time,” Zack reminded her.

“I do worry,” she frowned, anyway, and compulsively checked when they could board again. Zack was going at a brisk walk obligingly, waving back at them on his way to the nearby cafe.

Axel, overwhelmingly indifferent and aggravatingly bored, slumped down in his seat and stared after Zack as well. Aerith always found it rude when he put on headphones when they could be partaking in conversation, so he'd have to wait until he was actually on the plane... Which sucked.

At least Ven was _willing_ to chat, as Roxas had hardly spoken a word since yesterday.

“So,” Ven moved over to sit with Axel instead. “Do you know what you wanna do there?”

“I was thinking I might go for one of those princess makeovers, then ride Space Mountain all day,” he replied lazily.

Ven grinned. “Well, I'll go on at least twice with you.”

“Sounds like a deal.”

“Cool. Do you like rides?”

If his mother weren't _right there_ , that would have been the perfect set-up to a sex joke. “Yeah. I mean, probably. Haven't actually been.”

“Have you never been to a theme park _ever?_ ” Ven looked incredulous. He'd known about never having been to a Disney park, but none at all?

“Nope.”

Ven's eyes were huge. Someone might have just told him that Santa Claus didn't visit hotels.

“What?”

“That's just so _sad_ ,” he declared.

This was why Axel just couldn't help but like this kid. “I agree. My life has lacked, up until now.”

“Well, this will make up for it!”

Coming back at a half-jog, Zack returned with pastries under his arm and two cardboard drink trays. “See? Plenty of time!” he announced brightly, coming over to put the trays on his vacated seat. He started distributing coffee among the three to get it, with orange juice for the twins. Roxas couldn’t muster the will to complain about the lack of caffeination… except in his own head, of course.

“Alright, mission accomplished,” Aerith gave him some obligatory praise. “Now come sit.”

Zack nodded cheerfully, leaning over to give Roxas his drink before he did so and muttering to his son in an undertone. “Hey... Try to cheer up?”

Though without outward protest, Roxas had no intention of drinking the juice. He took it, but it had all the appeal of mud. “Maybe I just need to get there,” he suggested, but clearly didn't mean it. All the same, Zack decided to take it at face value.

“I hope so. This is fun!” he wheedled. “You loved it, last time.”

Yeah, Roxas thought dully. And last time, he'd been a kid, surrounded by his real family.

He tuned out the conversation, didn't bother nibbling at anything or sipping his drink.

Maybe if he just sat there and zoned out, he'd eventually starve to death.

Annoyingly, Zack's shout following the boarding call a mind-numbing half hour later snapped him out of it. There was a flurry of movement from those around him, and a, “Let's go, guys, everyone up!”

“Axel, Roxas, Ven, you have everything? Phones, something to do on the flight...”

“Will to live?” Roxas finished under his breath, picking up his bag.

Zack gathered up the majority of the carry-on, and looked to Aerith in his enthusiasm. “You need me to take anything?”

“I can handle my purse,” Aerith laughed.

“But you have me for manual labor,” he grinned.

“Dad, stop embarrassing yourself,” Roxas interjected, voice low but far from inaudible.

“Jeez, you're even more of a dick than usual,” Axel remarked, faintly taken aback. That was the kind of attitude he expected from Roxas, sure, but not aimed towards his father.

Zack frowned. “Guys...”

“I don't want any goading on this trip,” Aerith sighed, giving over the tickets and ushering her family through.

“Which goes for everyone.” Zack really could have just singled out Roxas and Axel, but thought it sounded more diplomatic his way.

“Got it. Be a good boy. Right,” Axel nodded, hiding an eye roll. Roxas pointedly said nothing at all, and made a concerted effort to be the last one in the five-person train. He walked to find his seat like he was picking out which noose in the gallows was his.

They'd given Roxas the window seat in an attempt to appease him. Ven got the middle, and Axel had the aisle. Which meant his stupid long legs were stretched out and in the way.

Roxas glowered, considering stepping on Axel or _kicking_ him out of the way. “Do you mind?”

“I'm good,” he replied, stretching them out a little more. He sat back carelessly, and didn't even bother looking his way.

Asshole.

Roxas had to clamber over Axel's seat to reach his own and shoved his carry-on bag under the seat in front of him. He wasn't going to reach over towards Axel to give it to his father. Zack had just taken Ven's bag (after the removal of his handheld game) to put up in the overhead compartment.

“Roxas,” Zack sighed.

“I need stuff in here.”

“Alright. Just don't let it shift around,” he warned, still giving him that _look_ that meant he wished Roxas would be less surly.

Roxas shrugged and sank as low as physically possible, arms crossed over his chest. He stayed that way for several moments until abruptly leaning forward, digging out the book he had to read for school.

“What crawled up your ass,” Axel mumbled under his breath, untangling his headphones. Ven, realizing the uncomfortable position he had once again been put into, stayed quiet and started his game.

Zack took his seat beside Aerith, returning her tired smile with a more encouraging one. Taking her hand seemed to perk her up a little, and she gave it a little squeeze before starting on the book she'd brought along.

Electronics went off until they were safely in the air, and then Axel started his mp3 player on shuffle. Closing his eyes and letting one earbud dangle out of his ear (just in case there was some kind of emergency announcement, he didn't want to be the last one to know they were crashing), he let his music blast.

Roxas pretended to ignore it for as long as he could. Then he couldn't take it anymore.

“ _Ow_ ,” Axel hissed. Roxas had leaned over Ven and poked Axel hard with the corner of his book.

“Roxas,” Zack immediately turned his head, watching from the next aisle with exasperation.

“Tell Axel to turn his stupid music down,” Roxas instantly protested. “There are other people on the plane.”

“It's not that loud, and doesn't justify an attack on my person.”

Ven, always the innocent bystander, shrunk determinedly and kept his eyes on his game.

“It is a _little_ loud,” Aerith informed Axel before rounding sternly on Roxas. “But that is no excuse for fighting. I want hands _and_ weapons off.”

“He wouldn't have listened to me,” Roxas argued, glaring. Once again, he was the one in trouble? Seriously?

Axel was turning the volume down. “You're just looking for excuses to attack me.”

“Hands to yourself, or we'll take the book away,” said Zack.

“It's for school -” he began to protest.

“And if you're going to annoy each other for the whole trip, then talk about it or tough it out,” Aerith instructed. “Alright?”

Roxas sank into his seat, irritated. “Yes, Aerith.”

Axel didn't even answer. His eyes had closed again, and the bastard had the audacity to be _drifting off_.

“Sometimes it feels more like we have toddlers than teenagers,” Zack murmured to her. She smiled.

“You never knew Axel as a toddler.”

“I'm not sure if that's a relief or not.”

Aerith chuckled, gently resting her head against his shoulder, her book still open in her lap.

Roxas glared down at his own book, trying to just _read_. The harder he tried to concentrate, though, the more his brain wanted to hyper-focus on the tinny sound of pounding bass from Axel's seat. He had to rifle through his bag again to find his own earphones, but didn't find the book any easier to focus on.

School made him think of his friends. Friends like Namine.

It made the flight drag on, and on, and any opportunities he had to grab a nap were effectively stolen from him. By the time the plane touched down, Roxas felt like he'd been wrung out. Sore, exhausted...

They caught another cab from the airport to the hotel, which was unpleasantly muggy with that distinctive car smell. The cool air conditioning of the hotel lobby should've been refreshing, afterwards, but it just raised the hair on Roxas's neck unpleasantly. The whole point to warmer weather, he internally groused, was to _be warmer_.

Aerith spoke to the bellhop while Zack got them checked in, rounding up the luggage and getting them up to the eighth floor. The hotel wasn't far from the park itself, and they could look out the windows to see the vivid grounds and mass of attendees.

Tipping the bellhop once they were upstairs and distributing the keycards among the boys, Aerith told them, “Alright, you guys are right across the hall from us. Anything you need, just knock or text as usual.”

“... These all go to the same room?” Roxas balked, looking from Axel's keycard to his own.

“Fantastic,” Axel muttered, holding his card between two fingers as he sent texts off to Demyx and Zexion.

“Of course. We got you boys a private room, we had enough to spring for two,” Zack answered cheerily. Ven looked thrilled by the prospect – not rooming with his parents was one of those novel grown-up things he got a kick out of – but Roxas had to bite down on his honest response.

“Do we at least have our own beds?”

“There are two beds in your room, and only one in ours.”

“Like there would be in any standard hotel room, genius,” Axel murmured again.

Roxas broke his streak of pretending Axel didn't exist in order to glare at him. “Can I order a cot?”

“You can't try sharing with Ven?” Aerith inquired. “I don't want any fighting as soon as you're not being watched.”

Zack expressed a similar sentiment without so many words, sending Roxas a look between pleading and exasperation. They hadn't minded sharing in the past, so he clearly didn't see the issue with them doing so now.

Roxas refused to acknowledge it. He dragged his luggage through the door, being held open by Ven's shoe while Axel dragged his luggage to the bed closest to the door. This time it was Aerith's turn to encourage Zack with a sweet smile.

He exhaled, and found his happy place. “Shall we?”

The parents went off to unpack in their hotel room, and the door to the boys' closed.

Kicking his feet up on the bed, Axel pulled up his phone to continue texting Demyx, with whom he'd tentatively started flirting. Roxas narrowed his eyes.

“Ven, how about you share with Axel? Really get him into the whole sibling experience.”

Ven hesitated, putting his luggage in a corner. “Uh...”

“Don't think so,” Axel spoke up. “You two are smaller. You'll fit better.”

Roxas fumed. “We've been paired up all our lives, it's not fair you still get things to yourself when you're not an only child anymore.”

“Yeah? Then do _you_ want to cuddle up with me?”

He shot Axel a severe look. “We both know you don't mean that.”

“Says who?” Axel retorted coolly. “You're the one with the issue about sharing with Ven, so in that case, let him have his own bed.”

Anxiously, Ven wondered if he could go beg to stay in Zack and Aerith's room.

“ _I_ just want it to be my turn for once.”

“Poor baby. Then figure it out, I don't fucking care.”

Roxas's glare deepened, and he threw his stuff onto the opposite bed. He wasn't so opposed that he'd sleep on the floor.

Very, _very_ carefully, Ven sat on the same bed. “... So what do you want to do until dinner?”

“We could check out hotel pay-per-view,” Axel suggested indifferently. “They have movies and shit.”

He'd ignore them both, Roxas vowed. He picked up his partially-finished book, settled on the bed, and he'd ignore them.

“Sounds good!” Ven picked up the remote.

“And they have porn, but I don't think our parents want that on the bill.”

Ven laughed. “Gross, I wouldn't watch that anyway.”

Roxas determinedly didn't react. _Was_ that a jab? He hadn't even been watching porn, the time Axel'd seen -

He was _ignoring them_.

“Yeah, you wouldn't... Go for New Releases, see something that hasn't been replayed on cable repeatedly.”

“What about this?”

It hardly mattered. Axel wasn't planning on paying that much attention. “Sure.”

He wished they could just go down to the park, start playing around on rides or even seeing a corny live show... Axel was decidedly not feeling the Christmas spirit, yet. If the holidays were supposed to instill warm fuzzies, Roxas was quite literally the wet blanket smothering them.

But he was here, and fuck it, Axel was going to make the best of it. If the rides didn't measure up, Roxas's insecurity could serve as his own personal playground.

And there was always his back-up plan.

  
  


* * *

  
  


Despite this being a supposed vacation, the next morning was almost as early as the last. They had to get to the rental agency to pick up their car for the duration of the trip as soon as it opened in order to get to the park ahead of the worst of the crowd.

They’d only flown across two timezones, and had spent the remainder of the day sleeping. The severity of Roxas’s jet lag didn’t seem justified, given that, and he determined that his body was doing this just to make things difficult.

So here he was, in the happiest place on Earth. But Roxas did not _feel_ like being happy.

There hadn’t been any time to deal with being what couldn’t quite be called dumped or rejected. Not one moment to himself in which he wasn’t expected to be packing. Embarrassment and disappointment still stung like someone had wrapped his brain in thorns, but he couldn’t help lingering on every painful detail, anyway.

Ven, who seemed to have spent his night charting the best possible route to hit all his desired attractions, immediately sped off to stand in his first line of the day. Zack and Aerith, after ensuring that everyone was properly sunscreened and hydrated with fully charged phones, left to do… whatever parents did at Disneyland, and who cared where Axel went.

As Roxas was still determined to nurse his hurt feelings rather than enjoy himself, it was agreed that he would stay with their bags and act as a meet up point to return to.

It wasn’t so bad. He could buy as much food as his spending money allowed, and he had his camera. There were a few worthwhile sights he managed to snap pictures of over the morning, though his scope was limited by needing to keep his eyes on the table at all times.

Okay, never mind. Even Roxas had underestimated how agonizingly dull sitting at a picnic table surrounded by people all making happy memories could be. So when Aerith arrived around lunch time, and offered to take his place and have a rest herself while Zack took Ven on Splash Mountain, Roxas acquiesced.

Killing a couple hours was a matter of wandering the park pathways, taking shots of whatever captured his fancy. As promised, he took as many flattering shots of the princess characters as his camera could bear. All the while, though he tried to stamp out the thought, he reflected bitterly on how stupid he had been for failing to make the connection when he’d always known of Namine’s somewhat overgrown fondness for fantasy princesses. Had she _ever_ expressed interest, or even attraction, in any boy while he’d known her? Had he just been that dense? That self-assured, that he assumed she wouldn’t have said anything about another boy out of concern for his feelings?

As the day wore into its hottest hours, his distraction was becoming a chore. Roxas was sweaty, thirsty, and his camera was full. He wanted to go back to the hotel, bask in the air conditioning, and start the tedious process of transferring hundreds of photos onto his laptop.

He wanted to go _home,_ but no one had asked for his opinion, and it was too late now that they’d gone and spent the money on this ridiculous ‘bonding’ experience.

Roxas’s surly temper persisted into the evening, after the sun had set. He was very seriously contemplating walking back to the hotel on his own and damn the consequences when three-fifths of their blended family unit appeared at the table.

Before Ven could properly start pleading to stay until the park closed, Roxas silenced him with a snarl and a poisonous look that Zack unfortunately caught.

“We just have to find Axel, and then we can leave,” Aerith told them distractedly as she craned her neck for a sign of distinctive red hair. “I’ve texted him twice, but he’s not answering…”

“That's odd. He's been glued to his phone since we got to the airport, hasn't he?” Zack frowned. “You don't think he could have lost it?”

“I don't think so. He's very careful with his things,” Aerith said, but looked slightly unconvinced. “Maybe we should put out an announcement...”

Most of her sentence was lost to the noise rolling in like a wave. There was excited babble and chatter making its way from table to table, shock and glee palpable among the park-goers.

“Fireworks!”

“Someone set off _fireworks?_ ”

“Just around the parking lot!”

“They weren't really fireworks, just some firecrackers, I think -”

“Who did _that?_ ”

“They don't know...”

“They've called in firetrucks!”

And there he was. Bobbing through the throngs of people, Axel rejoined his mother with an expression of utmost innocence.

“Sorry, Mom, just got your texts. It is _crazy_ crowded around here,” he greeted, expression becoming one of practiced polite bewilderment. “Something wrong?”

Aerith had turned pink, her mouth moving in silent shock and anger, whereas Zack had gone a little pale. Ven looked uneasy, though the hand at his mouth suggested a little part of him also wanted to laugh.

Axel looked from Zack to his mother.

“What'd Roxas do now?”


	8. Chapter 8

Plausible deniability was Axel's best friend. At the accusations, he'd given defensive answers that seemed a little too well rehearsed – that he couldn't have possibly gotten firecrackers through customs, that no one had seen him at the scene of the tiny explosive display. Still, his shoulders were sheepishly squared as they trudged back to the car, the effect somewhat skewed by the fact that they were still snacking on funnel cake.

There'd been a delay in being allowed into the parking lot while the firemen and park staff confirmed that no damage had been done and no one had been hurt. For those reasons alone, Axel hadn't been reamed out and turned in by his own family.

Now that they were going straight back to the hotel and Axel was in trouble, Roxas should have been in better spirits, but he wasn't. The only one still in a chipper mood was Ven, though he had the good sense to recognize the seriousness of the situation and quietly munch on his funnel cake.

Aerith's back was ramrod straight as she approached their rental vehicle, clearly holding in something until they were in private. Now was probably the only chance Axel would get to appeal to her soft side.

“... I'm sorry for -”

“I don't think now's the right time, Axel,” Zack sighed, unlocking the doors.

The drive home was a silent one, apart from the occasional huff from Aerith. Her arms were crossed, physically reining in her displeasure, though it practically radiated off her. The atmosphere was of intense discomfort, and the drive seemed to take twenty minutes longer due to that alone.

Roxas bounded from the car ahead of everyone once they'd parked the car. Aerith, nearly forgetting her purse, almost called him back but decided it wasn't worth starting on that, too.

Axel mentally stitched his mouth shut. His mom was pissed.

She finally spoke when they got to their floor.

“Ven, Roxas. Go to your room.” Her voice was unusually tight and cold. “Axel, come with us.”

Ven scarpered, fumbling with the keycard, and Roxas shot Axel a smug smirk before following. Zack, who had never known Aerith's temper to reach these heights, vowed to get them a bottle of wine once this was settled and opened the door to their room.

Walking in felt a little like entering a prison cell. Axel dragged his feet and dropped into a chair, waiting to hear what his sentencing would be.

Zack shut the door softly.

Sounding strained, Aerith exhaled. “For almost eighteen years, I have done everything I can to raise you properly, to-... to keep you safe and healthy...”

It was worse than he'd been ready for. “I know,” Axel mumbled. “I'm sorry…” 

She ignored this. “I know your father wasn't perfect, I know I'm not perfect... You might not think so, but I understand the rebelling, the fires, getting in trouble at school... But this time I really don't know what the – the hell is in your head.”

Oh shit, she'd broken her own rule about swearing.

“Is this about me?” Zack asked. “The boys?”

Axel stubbornly looked away.

“You could have been arrested, you could have put yourself in the hospital,” Aerith stressed, advancing on him. “And for what...?”

If she really understood, he wouldn't have had to say. So instead, Axel hesitated and replied, “It was fun?”

She stared.

“... I-... I don't even know how to deal with this. We'll talk about a punishment when I've had some time to calm down.” Aerith grasped both sides of his head and kissed his forehead, venting her worry. “You scared me to death.”

“... Sorry,” Axel said quietly.

Pulling away, Aerith turned to Zack. “Do you have anything else to say?”

He thought about it, crossing his arms. “I don't want you to waste your vacation on bad behavior, but I think you should stay behind tomorrow. A more severe punishment should come later, when we're not here.”

Axel didn't protest, though he genuinely was let down.

“I'm gonna have a talk with Roxas, too,” Zack sighed. “I'm not impressed with his attitude.”

Aerith nodded in agreement. “Alright. Do you want me to be your back up?”

Zack was privately relieved. He was a SOLDIER; they knew better than to entire hostile territory without back up. “Please.”

Rounding on Axel once more, Aerith warned, “You will lose some serious privileges when we get home.”

At least she couldn't take all his lighters if she tried. “I know.”

“Wait here. And I hope you think about what you put your mother through,” Zack said, getting the door for Aerith and following her into the hallway. The moment it snapped closed, she sighed tiredly, trying to steady herself.

Placing a hand on her shoulder, Zack closed the door and kissed her cheek. “We'll take it easy, tonight. Get a bottle of wine, rent a movie, tell the kids that if they don't behave tonight they're grounded until summer?”

Taking a bracing breath, Aerith managed a short laugh. “You are perfect.”

He kissed her other cheek. “Round two! Let's deal with Roxas.”

“Right,” Aerith confirmed, then lowered her voice. “I'd call you boyfriend material if I weren't already marrying you.”

“Husband material?” Zack laughed.

Her lips tightened in that way Zack recognized as trying not to smile at the wrong moment. “Okay. This is serious.”

He adored that guilty smile.

“Yeah. Got to get my game face back on...”

Clearing her throat, Aerith composed her expression, not having trouble regaining some of her edge when she was still so upset. Zack knocked on the boys' hotel room door.

Ven was the one to answer. He was still a bit withdrawn, due to the presence of angry parents, and his greeting was timid. “Hi...”

“Hey. Can we come in?” Zack tried to give him a reassuring look. “We need to have a word with Roxas.”

“Sure...” Ven stepped aside.

“Why don't you go talk to Axel?” Aerith handed Ven her keycard, wanting to spare him another uncomfortable conversation. The gesture was eagerly appreciated, and he took it immediately.

“Okay!”

Roxas was ignoring everyone. Sprawled on the bed, he'd buried himself in his book despite already having finished it, going back to pick out the themes as was his homework. Any assignment was more worthy of his attention than his family, right now.

“Book down, Roxas.”

Sighing audibly, he let it drop.

Zack crossed his arms sternly. “And without the attitude, please.”

“I wasn't -”

“Roxas. You've been nothing but surly and rude, since we left to get on the plane.”

Damn it, why was he in trouble now? Axel was the one who'd fucked up. “Well, I'm not in the mood for this trip. Am I supposed to just... pretend I'm happy and everything's fine?”

“You say that, but you clearly haven't tried to enjoy yourself once,” Aerith said.

“And you've obviously kept up this... mutual antagonizing thing, with Axel.”

“He started -” Roxas muttered.

Aerith interjected, “Do the mature thing and finish it, then.”

“If you can't get along...” Zack breathed out through his nose, arms still crossed imposingly. “I don't know what you expect us to do, Rox.”

Roxas shrugged, but the implication settled under his skin like a burn. The idea that he could split them up made him churn with guilt.

“We took this trip so we could do something everyone could enjoy as a family,” Aerith reminded him. “Maybe show you that you're capable of getting along.”

“Why is this about me?” Roxas burst out. “Axel was the one setting off fireworks. If anyone's ruining the trip, it's him.”

Zack sighed. “This isn't about Axel's behavior, it's about yours. As poorly as he's behaved, he's still not the one resisting being a family every step of the way.”

“You're the one who wants to make him a part of the family, not me,” Roxas snapped bitterly.

Aerith fell speechless with hurt.

“... You're right,” Zack's voice lowered. “I do want him to be part of this family. That's part of why I'm marrying Aerith. I want all of us to be a family, and if you want to be selfish? That's fine. You're making that choice.”

Roxas flushed.

When Aerith spoke, it was very softly. “I'm sorry if I've made things difficult for you, Roxas, but your dad, and all of your family deserve their happiness, too.”

“I didn't mean I don't want you...” Roxas faltered awkwardly.

“They're a package deal. Just like you and Ven are, with me.”

“I know.”

“You aren't acting like it. If you don't want to make this easy or accept Axel as part of this family, that's up to you – I can't force that. But I want you to understand that you're giving up any right to participate in what this family, as a unit, does. You can either try to cooperate, or you'll sit out.”

There's only one last card to play, one last-ditch effort to get his dad back on his side. “... My girlfriend broke up with me.”

Zack sighed. “... I'm sorry, Roxas. That doesn't change anything I just said.”

“You could at least act like you understand why I'm not in a playful mood then,” he grumbled.

“Maybe if your mood had started just before we left. Your attitude's been terrible from the beginning, Roxas.”

He couldn't tell them why he'd disliked Axel from the beginning. “What am I supposed to do? If I start acting nice to him, he'll walk all over me.”

“There's no proof of that,” Aerith defended. “He gets along just fine with Ven.”

“And if he's behaving inappropriately, you let us talk to him rather than retaliate and make things worse.”

“Can you at least try giving this family a chance, just for this trip?” Aerith requested.

Roxas was quiet again.

“... Either way, I think you should stay behind tomorrow, too,” Zack determined. “I'd like the two of you to have some time to think about this without stressing Ven.”

Wait... so... “You're going to let me just stay in the hotel?”

That wasn't a punishment at all.

“This isn't an excuse to do anything you want,” Aerith cautioned. “You'll still be sharing with Axel, and you're responsible for keeping him out of more trouble, within reason -”

“Wh-... But-...!” Roxas tried to protest, but found he was at a loss for words.

“I don't want either of you leaving, either. You can order room service, and some movies...”

“We'll be telling the front desk you're not supposed to leave the hotel, so we'll find out if you try.” The last thing Aerith wanted was to come back to find her son had been set loose on California.

“I don't care about that,” Roxas proclaimed. “Can't I stay in your room?”

“No,” Zack shot him down. “Like Aerith said, we want you to keep an eye on each other.”

“So you want me to babysit,” Roxas summarized flatly.

“You're not really getting a choice, to be honest. Axel can't be trusted on his own, and you need to make a serious effort to either accept him into the family, or decide where you stand on the issue.”

He put as much reluctance into the word as physically possible. “Fine.”

“You can get back to your book,” Zack told him, turning to the door. “Aerith and I want a quiet night, so... please be nice.”

“I'm always quiet,” Roxas muttered, sulking.

“You can order room service tonight,” Aerith said, as though that softened the blow. “Goodnight, Roxas.”

He made a vague sound in return, burying himself in the book to determinedly ignore his brother and Axel's return.

He didn't think it was possible, but they'd done it. They'd turned this vacation from bad to worse.  
  


* * *

  
If they'd just been allowed to sleep in, maybe it wouldn't have been so bad. Maybe Axel could have just slept the entire day away, in fact. Unfortunately, Ven's wake-up call had applied to the entire room. He'd been forced to sit up and get out of his pyjamas, irritable and groggy, then forced to sit through breakfast at the hotel restaurant while pretending he wasn't dreading the boredom of the day.

And then he had to get back upstairs. In the elevator. With Roxas, since Aerith had insisted on seeing them get in before they departed.

They had a good system going, in which they didn't look at or talk to each other the whole way back up. Roxas was bound to be extra-pleasant, as nothing their parents' had said had persuaded him to eat.

Unlocking the door, they'd barely walked into their hotel room before Axel was unzipping his fly.

Roxas's heart and feet both stopped.

Dragging himself back to his abandoned pyjamas, Axel slid the jeans off and kicked them aside to put the comfortable sweats back on. Roxas reddened, not sure why he'd been so disturbed. The door shut, and Roxas threw himself down on the bed he and Ven shared.

Axel dropped onto his own with a tired groan. Roxas rolled his eyes and, having no other ideas, grabbed his book again.

It was no good. His eyes were burning too much to read. Rolling over, Roxas shoved a pillow over his head and scowled into the mattress.

“Ugh.”

“Agreed,” Axel muttered dryly, his eyes closed. He was too awake to sleep and too groggy to do anything.

Roxas ignored him. In his mind, that was just as good as being nice.

“... So...”

He stayed silent.

“Okay then,” Axel rolled his eyes. “Looks like we're in for a thrilling day.”

Roxas grumbled indistinctly.

“I'm just gonna assume you're cool with me finding something on TV. Cool? Cool.” Axel grabbed the remote.

Honestly, Roxas didn't care. He wanted to go back to sleep.

“Do you want any say in this? I could put on gay porn.”

He knew he was being goaded, but Roxas did not want that in the room. He mumbled just loudly enough to be heard, “Your mom will find out.”

“Probably,” Axel agreed carelessly. “I wouldn't anyway. Too goddamn early.” Skimming through the 'action' section of the movie database, he selected the first one he hadn't seen and paid the fee without a second thought.

The intro was loud. Roxas made a sound like an angry cat and pulled the pillow over his ears.

“Just get some coffee, fuck,” Axel rolled his eyes again.

Roxas muttered something.

“What? Who's down a well?”

“I'm not allowed,” Roxas repeated irritably, raising his head a little.

“... Why?”

He went a little red. “My dad doesn't want me drinking coffee until I'm sixteen.”

He did anyway, of course, but he wasn’t about to hand over that tidbit of blackmail material to Axel.

“... Well, fuck that. I'm getting you coffee.” Axel rolled onto his side to grab the room service menu off the bedside table.

Roxas sat up cautiously. “... If it shows up on the bill, it's yours.”

“No shit. Hence the 'I'm' part of what I said.” Axel paused the movie and got up, dropping onto the seat by the phone.

Very, very unwillingly, Roxas was pleased.

“We need a minimum order, want anything else?”

“Generic breakfast items... Generic sandwich items...” Axel flipped the menu. “Desserts...”

“... What desserts?”

Axel handed the menu over. “I'm getting ice cream. Fuck it.” It wasn't like he'd eaten his fill at breakfast.

“... Get me ice cream, too.”

Picking up the phone, Axel pressed the button to call room service. It had only rung once when someone picked up the other end. “Hey, yeah – a coffee and two things 'f ice cream for room -... Oh. Uh, shit. D'you have sea salt?”

Roxas raised an eyebrow. Salt ice cream?

Confirming their room number, Axel held the phone away to ask, “What kind of ice cream d'you want?”

“Uh... vanilla?”

Putting the phone back to his ear, Axel was about to clarify his ice cream order, but paused. “... Pricks hung up.”

“What?”

“Think they assumed we were done.”

“Did they get our order?”

“I think so?”

“... Okay, whatever.” Roxas dropped back onto the bed.

“If it's wrong, we order more.”

He actually approved of that idea. “Sure.”

Axel stayed on his feet to linger by the door, but put the movie back on first. Roxas ignored it, dozing until there was a knock and the smell of coffee hit his nose.

“Just throw the tip on the bill,” Axel said, signing off on a slip of paper, and took the tray from the hotel staff member. Roxas's coffee was put down on the table closest to him, along with a blue-wrapped bar of ice cream.

Roxas stared at it. “What's this?”

“Looks like we both got sea salt. Try it if you want. If you don't, I'll take it.”

“I can't work with this,” Roxas groused, bad-tempered, but unwrapped it anyway.

Shrugging indifferently, Axel started on his own ice cream bar – also a light shade of blue. Roxas sighed and took a sip of his coffee first, frowning at the poor quality of the beans but supposing he couldn't be that opposed to it. Then, setting the cup down, he eyed the ice cream bar suspiciously before putting it in his mouth.

His eyebrows flew up.

Giving his own a long lick, Axel glanced over. “Verdict?”

“It's... good.”

“Right?” Axel smirked.

“And weird.” Roxas licked it again.

“It grows on you.”

“That's supposed to be the idea of today,” Roxas mumbled, too quietly for Axel to pick out the words.

“Hn?”

“Nothing.”

Any other day, Axel might have pressed to know what Roxas had said, but it just wasn't in him to care. He just shrugged, and grinned faintly when Roxas stuck the bar in his mouth. “You do like it, though,” he observed triumphantly.

“Yeah. Sure. It's ice cream, what's not to like?”

“You still want vanilla?”

“... Maybe after,” Roxas decided quietly.

The movie droned on and never got particularly interesting. The ice cream only lasted a few more minutes for each other them, and any discussion didn't last more than a few monosyllabic grunts until the end credits were playing. Axel skipped them, and the hotel room was silent again.

No one had texted him back yet, irritatingly. He'd sent texts to Zexion and Demyx, and – as a last resort – to Marluxia and Larxene, but apparently, no one was awake.

Their bored sighs nearly harmonized.

“Nothing to fuckin' do,” Axel muttered.

“... Can we get more ice cream?”

“Yeah. Cool by me.”

For just a moment, a grin flashed over Roxas's face, and Axel thought he might not be completely intolerable. He ordered several more bars, and Roxas went to his standby of picking up his book.

“What is that, for school?” Axel questioned, hanging up.

“Yeah,” he replied, tone inviting him to challenge that.

“... Do you assume everything I say is a fight?”

“Most of it.”

“It's not,” Axel rolled his eyes. “That requires a lot more effort than I feel like giving.”

“Then why'd you ask?”

“To point out that you're way too hostile.”

“When have you given me a reason to be anything but hostile?”

Axel could have cited the entire morning, but opted not to. “I don't know, when I thought you were cute and tried to talk to you?”

Roxas reddened. “I didn't need to hear that.”

“I know. Every reminder of your brief foray into homoeroticism should be buried.” Axel got up to go to the door again.

“It wasn't a - ugh.”

“You do know I wouldn't have said anything if you hadn't flirted first, right?”

“How many times do I have to say it wasn't flirting?”

“Then you should really be aware that you can't talk to any guys at a party. You'll get beaten up, one of these days.”

Roxas's expression smoothed out, blank with confusion. “What?”

“If I thought you were flirting with me, I won't be the last guy to think so,” Axel explained. “Could be a homophobe, one of those times.”

He flushed again. “Thanks for the concern, but I don't need it.”

“Whatever,” Axel muttered, and answered the door when there was a knock. He accepted the second ice cream delivery.

It was a matter of misinterpretation, Roxas told himself. Axel had interpreted it as flirting, twisted his words...

A couple of bars were dropped onto Roxas's bed, and Axel sat back down on his own. “Even if you weren't flirting with me,” he started, “I wasn't trying to pick a fight. And when you said no, I backed off. You've acted like I'm the fucking devil, since.”

“I don't think you're the devil, just an annoying prick, which you are.”

“My deepest apologies.”

“Thanks. That's sweet,” Roxas sniped dully, picking up an ice cream bar and peeling off the wrapper.

They wound up eating their way through the small split pile a lot faster than either one intended. Sitting inside a hotel room was a lot more boring than sitting around a bustling park – at least there were interesting things going on around, sights and sounds and events. Roxas had underestimated that, and Axel was just lamenting it. They ate just to give themselves something to do.

To his own surprise, Roxas was the one to break the silence. “Now what?”

“I don't care,” Axel indicated the remote. “Choose something.”

“I don't care about any of these movies.”

“No shit. They're just for background noise.”

“Expensive background noise. Anyway, I'm bored.”

“Do tell,” Axel drawled.

“God, with your sense of humor, how could I not learn to love you?” Irritation prickled at Roxas like an itch.

“Some find it charming. Mostly me.”

“I bet you do.”

“No one's asking you to love me, anyway. I'm asking you to either get to an emotional place in which you're comfortable being something other than a bitch, or -” Axel paused. “Actually, no 'or'.”

Going red again, Roxas's eyes narrowed. “Then give me something to get along with.”

“You want me to reach out...? Should we bond?”

“Ugh, I don't want any association with 'bonding' when it comes to you.”

Axel shot him a raised eyebrow.

“Don't tell me you weren't thinking it.”

“No, I wasn't, straight boy,” Axel said slowly.

Roxas groaned loudly and buried his head under his pillow again.

“Not that I'd be opposed to bondage, if you really wanted to go down that road. I know what I like.”

He wouldn't rise to the bait. Roxas uncovered his head to retort, “Endangering people with fire is on that list?”

“It's controlled,” Axel rolled his eyes.

“Fireworks are controlled?”

“No shit, they can be – if they couldn't be, they wouldn't have fireworks displays and shit. They allow kids near that stuff.”

“I know that, but it's not relevant to the stunt you pulled.”

“It was safe,” Axel insisted. “Safe as it gets.”

“Whatever. It was still stupid.”

“At least I did something exciting. Better than your sulking spree.”

“I didn't want to be here. No one asked me how I wanted to spend my winter break.”

“Yeah? What did you wanna do?”

“I don't know. Stay at home, see my friends?”

“Sounds thrilling.”

“I wasn't trying to thrill you.”

“I know, you're straight.”

Roxas groaned. “Look, I'll give you that one because of last time.”

Axel snorted. “... Seriously. You'd probably be doing practically the same thing at home.”

“Least I'd have all my stuff at home. Like my own room.”

“... Guess it wasn't really fair,” Axel shrugged. “They didn't consult you or anything.”

“... Yeah.” He hadn't expected anyone to agree. “Whatever, it makes Ven happy.”

“Yeah,” Axel murmured under his breath, watching Roxas get up from his bed and stretch. Maybe it was just because the conversation was better than dreary silence, but he found himself searching his brain for another topic. “... Do you two get mixed up?”

“Me and Ven?” Roxas's brow knitted. “Yeah, all the time.”

“I'm actually surprised.”

“People who know us can usually tell,” he shrugged one shoulder.

“The attitude changes your entire face, though.”

“I guess people aren't observant, then. Why does this matter?”

Axel shrugged. Roxas sighed.

“How was... not having siblings?”

“Quiet. Gave me loads of time to get up to shit?”

“You don't seem to let it slow you down, now.”

“Now is different.”

“Well, it's different for everybody.”

“Only one happy about it is Ven,” Axel reflected.

“Ven has everything he wants. Mom, Dad, puppy and boyfriend.”

“Oh, yeah, incidentally – does your Dad know about that?” Now on a topic Axel actually cared about, he sat up a bit more.

“Not even Ven knows, I think. They're 'best friends'.”

Axel snorted. “That's why he acts like a blushing bride when he talks about him.”

“He really does, doesn't he?”

“It's actually kind of sickening.”

“Yeah,” Roxas grimaced.

“D'you think your Dad would be pissed, though?”

Roxas shrugged. “Probably not? I don't have any experience there.”

He'd kind of hoped for a definitive answer, even if it was the wrong one. “Alright.”

“What about your mom...?”

“She wouldn't be mad. Just disappointed,” Axel replied gloomily. “And she'd cry... a lot. Wonder where she went wrong, because bad behavior's one thing, but gay? Must've been my lack of father figure. Oh, and she'd never stop hoping and trying to hook me up with a girl.”

Uncomfortably, Roxas didn't know what to say.

“Kinda hoped your dad would be a positive influence? But... Probably not. She's probably set in her ways.”

“I dunno if he'd be proud of having a gay son, either...”

Axel shrugged. “Maybe Ven won't always be the favorite, then.”

“They'd probably still rather take him to dinner than us.”

“True.”

He sank back down on his bed. “But, I guess... doubly so, if you come out.”

“I'd make you look real good by comparison.”

“... Maybe,” Roxas muttered, thinking back to what Namine said. She'd thought he was gay, too...

“Maybe I'll come out if I ever want you to owe me one.”

“What do you want me to owe you?” Roxas threw him a wary look.

“I was kidding. Off the top of my head... I dunno, first-born child?” At the raised eyebrow, Axel elaborated, “Could black market that baby to a needy gay couple, or something.”

“... Right. You're in for a long wait.”

“It's cool. I'll think of something else, and in the meantime, stay in the transparent closet.”

Roxas glanced away, uncomfortable once more.

“... What about you, then? Got a girlfriend?” Axel knew he'd mentioned her before, but hadn't believed for a second they were really dating.

“No.” Roxas wasn't able to help the note of surliness.

“Ah. Okay.”

He was surprised – he'd expected Axel to press it. “And you... you've got...?”

“Unattached.”

Roxas flashed back to seeing him with Marluxia. “... Okay.”

“It was easier to find gay guys at my last school,” Axel sighed.

“Like Marluxia?”

Axel made an affirmative sound.

“Ugh...”

He almost snickered at that reaction. “Yeah. He's a creep.”

“Do you even know what he does to Namine?”

“I don't know anything about her, except that she spends a lot of time in her bedroom.”

“He really fucks with her.”

“... Yeah, that doesn't surprise me,” Axel said slowly. It didn't, now that he thought about it. “He's a sadist.”

“It's messed up, and she doesn't even say how much it gets to her.”

“She told Marly's parents?” Axel asked awkwardly.

“I don't know how much she tells them,” Roxas shook his head. “If she has, they haven't done anything about it. I'd tell them, but they know I hate Marluxia.”

“And they hate me, so.”

“I don't know if Namine will even want me around for a while,” Roxas brooded.

“What, d'you piss her off?”

“Maybe. I never know, with her.”

“What did you do?”

Once again, Roxas felt his cheeks heat up miserably. “I messed up. I read some stuff wrong, made myself look like an idiot and embarrassed her.”

“That sounds like it could be worse.”

“... I don't know.”

“... You like her?” Axel inquired.

“I don't know that, either,” Roxas sighed.

“She's pretty, for a girl.”

“I guess. That never mattered much to me.”

“It doesn't?” That didn't sound like the superficial teenage straight boy Axel assumed him to be.

“At least, I never thought about her like that.”

In other circumstances, Axel would've seized the opportunity to call him gay again, but instead he said, “Okay then.”

“She's Namine,” Roxas tried to elaborate. “I know a lot more about her than what she looks like.”

“You can find her attractive and also like her personality.”

“Yeah, I know. I just notice other things first, I guess. Isn't that what you're supposed to do with girls?”

“Uh... Well, I wouldn't know?” Axel shrugged. “Generally I notice how a guy looks first. Since, you know, that's out there. Personality's not.”

“Well, I've known Namine since before Marluxia's parents started fostering her.”

“Yeah, but you still saw her first. And you could still find her attractive.”

“Whatever,” Roxas shook his head in annoyance. “I don't have to debate this with you.”

“Wasn't 'debating',” Axel rolled his eyes. “If you like her, you like her. Wasn't telling you that you do or don't.”

“... Okay.” He let himself calm down.

“If she is mad, though, s'probably better you're on vacation. Give her time to chill.”

“I guess. Still sucks I can't see my other friends.”

“Yeah, it does,” Axel shrugged in vague sympathy.

“I guess it sucks for you, too.”

“Sucks all around. Guess we have some common ground.”

“Complaining? Sure,” Roxas snorted, “that counts.”

“My mom'll be so happy,” Axel sank back against pillows. “You're not so bad when you're not being a surly bastard, though.”

“Thanks, I guess?”

Axel wasn't so bad, either.

Sometimes.

Maybe.


	9. Chapter 9

An overall lack of hostility, along with an appropriate show of contrition over dinner, meant that Axel and Roxas's day-long time out came to an end on their next foray out to the park. It took much longer for Aerith to decide she was willing to let Axel out of her sight, but when part of his plans were actually put into action – that being, to ride Space Mountain as many times as he could before being physically sick – she finally relented. Ven still wanted to see and do more, and Aerith wasn't keen to do nothing but ride roller coasters or stand in lines all day.

To his immeasurable surprise, it turned out that Space Mountain did eventually get kind of old. Overheated and thankfully _not_ nauseous, Axel began to wander, trying to figure out what to do with his free rein.

He supposed he could've tried to find Aerith, Zack, and Ven. The likelihood of actually encountering them was astronomical, but who knew, maybe he'd get lucky. He could browse some of the cash-grab stalls, as he was finding it unseasonably hot, even for California. They had the decency to keep their water bottles and other cool-keeping products in enormous vats of ice, and if he decided not to mind the germs, it was worth stealing a few ice chips to rub over his neck or suck on.

Not super appealing. He really didn't know how many kids had stuck their grubby, sweaty hands in there. So, alternatively... he could use the money he had to buy himself a drink. Roxas was their meeting point, again, stuck at a table amidst all the food stalls and games. If he meandered that way, maybe he'd find his mother there and get on board with whatever they were doing. If nothing else, he could buy an obscenely large slushie.

It took twenty minutes and a park map to orient himself, but Axel made it there without dying. Buying a water bottle first, Axel downed the whole thing in under a minute, then bought himself another along with that promised iced drink. He wasn't exactly sure what flavor it was, but it distinctly tasted red.

Now, to find the park table...

He didn't spot it, or Roxas, at first. No, the first thing to catch his eye was the small army of amassed stuffed animals.

Roxas had only been able to sit at a table doing nothing for so long, even _with_ an ice cream sundae the size of his head. It wasn't so appealing for the third day in a row, and he didn't have the patience to endure another giant Disney mascot dancing around him in an attempt to make him smile. At last, he'd given into the only thing that was still nearby with any degree of appeal.

The midway games.

He'd been dominating a target-shooting game for the past hour. Knocking one down after the other, Roxas laughed to himself, smug at once again having destroyed his competition. The fact that his opponents were barely half his size did not interfere with his satisfaction in the least.

Setting down the air rifle, he pointed to an Eeyore plush that was one size down from the largest on display – he'd been aiming for the Winnie the Pooh, but another few rounds should take care of that.

Axel whistled. “Nice entourage.”

Roxas did not jump. He didn't come off nearly as cool as he would've wanted to, but he managed. “I'm going for the biggest one,” he explained, putting the Eeyore down among the rest. “That's how I got all of these...”

“What are you even gonna do with 'em all?” Extremely entertained, Axel tried to pick out the variety of characters. This obviously wasn't the first game Roxas had tried his hand at; there was a small assortment of Pixar toys, several Mickey and Minnie Mouses, loads of Goofy and Donald Duck plushes, a few more Chips than Dales, some of Tigger and Piglet, Stitch, Marie, and even what he suspected to be Maleficent, though it was too deeply buried to be sure...

Fishing around in his pocket, Roxas withdrew another one of the bills he'd been left by Zack. “Well, now that you're here... That's something you can help me with.”

“... _Why_ would I do that, though? I could spend my money on other shit. Like more water.” He was already running low on delicious red.

“I wasn't asking for money,” Roxas retorted, eyes narrowing. “I just wanted to know which one you think your mom would like.”

Axel's eyebrows flew up. “... Huh,” he scanned the pile again. “She'd probably really like that big Eeyore, actually. She has a soft spot for mopey things.”

“Well, she raised you.” Roxas put down the money for another round. “I'll give that one to her, then. Figure I'll send a couple to my cousins and friends as souvenirs and give the rest to Ven. He can hand them out to his friends, even say he won them if he wants.”

That was... weirdly sweet, for Roxas.

“So are you spending literally all your cash on midway games?”

“I spent some of it on ice cream, too. Why?”

“You're gonna dehydrate.” Axel waggled the unopened bottle of water at him before shoving it into his hands. “I haven't had any of this one yet.”

Roxas could clearly see the unbroken seal. Nevertheless, he pondered how it could have been sabotaged. One day stuck together definitely didn't make them _friends_ or anything, so why would Axel bother?

… He was getting really thirsty, though. “Thanks.”

“No problem. Go back to devastating children.”

Cracking open the bottle, Roxas took a long sip before hurriedly putting it down on the ground. The woman running the game had announced the start of the next one. “So, this all you're doing right now?” he inquired, lifting the rifle and aiming.

He could be civil, he guessed. So long as Axel was sharing his water bottles and Roxas had an air rifle in-hand.

“Ven got sick of Space Mountain and wanted to go ride the teacups, so we split up,” Axel shrugged. “Took a break to get some vitality back. Your dad and my mom'll probably come find us.”

“Oh,” Roxas said distractedly, firing at the targets one after the other. “Is it close to dinner time? D-... ang.”

He'd hit enough to qualify for the second-biggest prize again. Another Tigger. Axel smirked.

“Getting there, yeah.”

“Then do something interesting. Play a round against me or something.” Roxas was pretty sure the only reason he hadn't been kicked off of this game yet was because he was shelling out so much money on it.

“You're talking about me spending money again. That's crazy talk.”

“Considering you just gave away a water bottle you paid for, I think you're just afraid to lose.”

Axel rolled his eyes. “Are you trying to goad me? Really?”

“Come on. You can tell everyone we did a bonding activity.” And get thoroughly beaten into the _dirt_ by Roxas's gaming skills.

He had to admit, the brownie points he'd win back made the idea kind of worth it. Sighing, Axel got out some cash, grumbling, “This shit is always overpriced...”

“It's not a big deal if you're good at it,” Roxas touted, putting down enough for another round.

“Whatever.”

They picked up their rifles, and waited with different levels of intensity and anticipation for the woman to call the next game again.

She told them to get ready, and Axel heaved a dramatic sigh. Roxas chose to ignore it.

At least Axel's aim was pretty good. As the game started, though, it was plain he was outclassed, if only because he only knew where the most obvious targets were – plenty of the balloon-shaped targets were in obscure places, and the more they were obfuscated, the more points they were worth.

The extra push of competition had its benefits, though.

“ _Yes,_ ” Roxas hissed jubilantly as he got the final target, qualifying him at last for the largest prize.

“What a waste of money,” Axel groused, putting the rifle down. “See? Like I said.”

Roxas didn't even hear him. He was in the midst of a little victory leap, cackling, “Yes. Killed it.”

… Weird again. That was almost _cute_.

“Come on, loser, help me pick my prize,” Roxas told him, still grinning triumphantly. Aside from some truly enormous Winnie the Pooh toys, the standard Disney alum was all available in the Jumbo size.

“You're such a gracious winner. I dunno...” Axel tilted his head up to assess the options. “The Mickey one?”

“Guess that's sort of poetic. Even though I've got four Mickeys already.”

“They pale in comparison to your enormous one.”

“He'll be their king. That one,” Roxas told the woman, pointing up at the jumbo Mickey Mouse. Axel snorted, and the urge to laugh was not easily fought when he was actually handed the thing.

It was the size of a tall child. Roxas could barely hold it without dragging it on the ground.

“I'm glad you're here, actually,” he said, eyeing the pile critically. “You can help me carry this back.”

“What do I get out of this?”

Roxas paused and shrugged. “You want one of these?” he offered, starting to gather the mass.

“Not particularly.”

“... I'd bribe you, but that was actually the last of my money.”

Watching Roxas struggle with his cavalcade of stuffed toys seemed like the very stuff of comedy, so Axel was almost disinclined to help at all. “I'll do you a favor if you'll owe me one.”

Roxas assessed him with that look of unimpressed thoughtfulness he sometimes got. “Not sure if it's smart to owe a favor to you.”

Axel smirked broadly. He wouldn't dispute that.

Taking account of all his prizes, though, Roxas decided it was worth the risk. “Fine,” he sighed, and instantly found his load lighter.

“How long were you at this?” Axel questioned, rounding them up into his arms.

“I dunno... couple hours? Maybe more?”

“Holy shit,” Axel laughed.

“What? I was bored.”

“Did you at least try other games?”

“Yeah, most of them. I was just best at this one.”

“Ah, makes sense.”

“... Turns out sitting at a table doing nothing only works for one day,” Roxas admitted.

“Go figure.”

The small talk was proving to be not-super-painful, and Roxas wondered if he should attempt to keep it going. “What did you do?”

“Rode a lot of rides, mostly Space Mountain. Got a picture with a few Disney mascots. That was mostly Ven's idea...”

“Hm,” Roxas nodded, and inwardly admit – grudgingly – that it actually sounded sort of like a good time.

“I got one with Gaston. I plan on treasuring that one.”

“Why that one?”

Axel smirked. “You're so _cute._ ”

“What's that mean?” Roxas bristled.

“It means Gaston is hot and you're naive.”

He reddened. Now he got it. “Oh,” his mouth twisted. “Well, sorry my mind doesn't go there right away with Disney characters.”

“Welcome to the adult world,” Axel grinned. “C'mon, you're telling me you don't think any of the Princesses are hot?”

“I dunno. I didn't see many of them,” Roxas lied and scowled into the mass of stuffed toys, grumbling. “Mostly just Goofy trying to get me to get up and do something.”

Axel failed to suppress laughter. Less amused, Roxas kept trying to steer them towards what he thought was the direction of their meeting table (or one near it; any unoccupied one would do), but his vision was kind of obscured.

“Sorry. Sort of.” He was still laughing. “Careful, you're gonna bowl over a child.”

Roxas stopped short. “Maybe you should be navigating.”

“C'mon, short stuff.”

If he hadn't needed a guide right then, he would have kicked Axel in the shins. He settled for growling in indignation.

The jumbo Mickey got the first chair. Roxas let the rest of the pile fall over the surface of the table.

“They probably won't be all that long,” Axel commented, adding his load to the toy avalanche.

Roxas sat down, squeezed next to Mickey Mouse. “Good. I'm kind of dying for some actual food now...”

“I think my mom already picked a place in the park. Won't have to go far.”

“Does that mean people are going to be singing to me through my dinner?”

With great regret, Axel affirmed, “Quite possibly.”

Roxas sighed. “I guess I avoided most of the singing.”

“Lucky you. I was stuck on that annoying fucking ride briefly, with... _the_ song.”

“ _The_ -... Oh. I know what you're talking about.”

“I'm trying to get over it.”

“Sorry for reminding you of that trauma, I guess.”

“It's cool,” Axel heaved a breath, staring off into unknowable distance. “But if your dad starts whistling it again, I have to fight him.”

“You'd have to beat me to him, to be honest.”

“Actually, better if you do it. My mom'd forgive you.”

“You've only got another year to do it and still be called a 'troubled teen',” Roxas disputed. From behind him, a golden head bobbed through the crowd and broke through it, a long string of candy in Ven's mouth and a significant bounce in his step.

He zipped over to the table and interrupted with an awed, “ _Whoa_ ,” eyes roving over all the toys.

Not far behind, Zack's whistle tapered off on a high note. “Wow. Quite a haul.”

He had, indeed, been whistling 'It's A Small World' again. Hand in hand with him, Aerith was smiling, but she was honestly prepared to lay down the law about that song once they weren't in front of the children.

Axel glanced at Roxas like he was challenging him to do something about the whistling, stopped or not, but Roxas had gone selectively deaf and shrugged.

Ven leaned over the back of a chair, face to face with a Donald Duck. “Did you really win all of these?”

“No, he stole them from children,” Axel cut in, but hastily went, “Kidding – I'm kidding,” when Zack threw Roxas a look of disappointment and disbelief.

Roxas was indignant. “Did you seriously believe I took toys from kids, Dad?”

“No,” Zack replied quickly. “Of course not.”

He hadn't actually been totally sure.

Roxas scowled, but lightened up as he reached for the large Eeyore put in deliberately easy grabbing range. Unusually bashful, he held it out to Aerith. “Uh, this one's for you.”

Aerith's maternal instinct flared to life – she wasn't sure whether the toy or Roxas's expression was more endearing, but it melted her like butter in the hot sun. “Thank you, Roxas,” she smiled, letting go of Zack's hand to take Eeyore in both of hers. “That's so sweet of you.”

Behind her, Zack grinned in approval and gratitude. Relief stirred in Roxas's chest that he'd done something right, in his father's eyes.

“I don't know what we're gonna do with all these at dinner,” Axel pointed out.

“Should we drop them off at the hotel first?” Aerith sounded the tiniest bit reluctant, not wanting to let her cuddly gift go.

“Or get a bigger table,” Roxas advised.

“That has my vote, I'm starved,” Axel chimed in.

Zack managed not to stare for longer than a second, despite his astonishment that they'd just _agreed_ on something. “We can get a little more room, I bet.”

“Can I carry this one?” Ven pointed to the jumbo Mickey.

“Sure,” Roxas answered carelessly. Less for him to carry was all the better.

“I can take a few of those,” Zack offered. Ven had hoisted Mickey up around the middle, inadvertently covering his face with stuffed bulk.

“Do you need me to carry anything more?”

“I've got it, Mom.” Axel rounded up his pile, only to give half of it over to Zack.

“Thank you, sweetie. The restaurant's just -... Are you going to be alright, Ven?”

“I'm fine!” came Ven's reply from behind a round, overlarge ear. Zack left one hand free enough to steer him.

“... Okay, it's this way,” Aerith indicated for those currently able to see, and they set off in a clump. Axel noted, though, that Roxas was keeping particularly close to his mother, drifting from the rear of the pack to right behind her. He was never in stride with her or made any attempt to make conversation, he was just... close by.

Maybe he'd come around to Ven's school of thought.

Aerith hadn't noticed, watching Zack direct Ven with mild concern.

He navigated him around a stroller, commenting, “That thing is as big as _you_ are...”

“It's pretty great, right?” Ven marveled. “I didn't know Roxas was that good at games.”

“I'm glad you found _something_ fun to do,” Zack grinned, looking over towards Roxas.

“I don't think it's a big deal.”

“Are you going to do other stuff? Like go on rides?” Ven asked eagerly. “You should go with me tomorrow. It's our last day and everything!”

“Maybe,” Roxas replied uncomfortably.

“I don't think they'll even let you back at that game,” Axel snorted. “Got to let someone else win.”

“Which might be for the best. I don't know _what_ the airport's going to say about all this already,” Aerith remarked.

“We'll see if we can pay for an extra carry-on?” Zack suggested.

“I'll mail some of them off before we leave,” Roxas said, irritated guilt flashing again. Even when he did something good, it was an inconvenience...

“Oh?” Zack looked intrigued. “Who to? Your cousin would probably like one.”

“Yeah. Thought I'd send a few to Sora so his friends can have one. They like this stuff.”

Pleased with him, Zack nodded, “That sounds nice.”

Carrying on from his earlier thought, Roxas put forth, “Maybe if postage is less than more cargo on the plane, I'll send one to Namine and Olette and my other friends ahead of us, too...”

Axel raised an eyebrow, but didn't say anything. Maybe he was trying to win Namine's affections back, or something.

“We'll look into it!”

“Okay.”

“Just up that ramp,” Aerith interjected, indicating a restaurant that was just as crowded and colorful as the rest of the park.

Axel threw it a look of mistrust. “Our servers are gonna be in costume, aren't they.”

“Cool,” Ven grinned.

“We have different ideas about what's cool.”

Zack adjusted the toy mass he was carrying to get the door for them all. Ven needed to squeeze through with Mickey, making Roxas snort. Hoping to keep up his father's good mood, though, he quieted before he could be called out for mocking his brother.

“Yup,” Axel sighed, defeated. “Costumes.”

The restaurant had a definite 'Under the Sea' vibe, with their servers clad in mermaid-scale uniforms and the enormous saltwater aquarium at the front entrance. With the jumbo Mickey resting on the floor, Ven was able to stare after a Princess Ariel, despite having seen her several hours ago.

Roxas grimaced in distaste right up until they were escorted to a table overlooking the water, which successfully softened his mood, even as plush toys tumbled from his lap and Mickey was crammed up against him. Ven squished himself against Mickey's other side, and Aerith did something similar with her Eeyore.

“Little sick to serve seafood _here_ ,” Axel observed, sitting down with a toy pile by his feet. “'Least this is cozy.”

Aerith gently patted Eeyore's head before picking up her menu. “We've got a nice breeze coming off the water to keep us cool.”

Roxas stared out of the open window. Axel did the same, but with considerably more distaste.

“Can I have alcohol?” Axel asked, flipping the menu open.

Zack's hand in hers and a soft smile on her face, Aerith went from 'girlfriend-mode' to 'mother-mode' in the blink of an eye. “I'm not ordering you alcohol in a Disneyland restaurant,” she replied sternly.

Axel sighed, but didn't argue.

“But you can have eggnog on Christmas Eve, if you like.”

Instantly, he was mollified. “Sweet.”

“Do I get eggnog?” Roxas promptly looked to Zack.

“I think you're still a little young...” Zack pondered for a moment. “... Ah, why not. It's a Christmas tradition.”

His mood was improving by the minute. Roxas grinned. “Cool.”

“Will you want any?” Zack turned to Ven, but he shook his head.

“I don't really like it, even without alcohol. Hot chocolate is a better tradition.”

Aerith had to contain a coo, fond of Ven's preciousness. “We'll stock up on marshmallows before they're gone.”

“You can spike hot chocolate, too,” Axel intoned quietly. Zack made a curious noise, not having heard him, but Aerith had.

“Don't give him ideas if he doesn't want any.”

“I _won't_...”

“It's okay,” Ven smiled. “I think it will be more fun to watch all of you.”

“We'll be very reserved. Drink with quiet dignity. Promise.”

Roxas contained a derisive laugh at Axel's claim, but wasn't about to contradict him under threat of blackmail.

“Back on topic, does everyone know what they'd like to drink?” Aerith prompted.

“Yeah, think so,” Axel shut the menu.

“Once the waiter comes around, I was thinking of getting us a plate of appetizers?” Zack proposed.

“No actual seafood, please.” Roxas liked the sight of the beach, but not so much the smell.

“Alright. Any preferences?”

Helpfully, Roxas shrugged.

“We'll order something we can all have,” Zack reassured him, and began combing the list.

“The meals seem pretty set,” Aerith mused, looking over the entrees. Both Axel and Roxas had found the same thing, and neither was sure he'd find something at all appealing.

He'd just order the spiciest thing on the menu and deal, Axel decided. At the same time, Roxas settled what appeared to be the blandest menu option and closed it.

Zack ordered an appetizer for the table, laughing and joking with the 'mermaid' serving their table. Axel had slumped, but sat up straight when her questions came around to him, and he ordered his drink. Unawares, he'd also brushed Roxas's foot in the process.

Broken from his drifting thoughts, Roxas shot him a sharp look. It took Axel a moment to notice, arching his eyebrow at the look.

He relaxed after a moment, but only after he lightly shoved back for good measure. Roxas's foot then retreated out of range, and he pretended not to notice the strange look he got for it.

The server went, and Ven was compelled to make conversation. He was oblivious to the under-the-table war that'd been declared, apart from the fact that they'd both gone quiet. “So, I got most of the rides on my list today that I missed before. If we get here early tomorrow, I'll try to get to the ones with the _really_ long wait lines.”

Yes, that foot nudge had been deliberate. Axel pushed at Roxas's foot gently, and earned himself a glare.

Roxas held a split-second debate about retaliating, checking whether or not the parents had noticed.

“It's going to be a long day of lines, then. Make sure you bring your hat,” Aerith advised.

“I will, but my hair always keeps the sun out, anyway.” Ven turned to Axel. “Do you have any rides left?”

“Nah, hit the last of 'em today. Wouldn't say no to more, obviously.”

“We should make a plan back at the hotel, get an organized route...” Zack mused, already starting to get his folded map back out of his pocket.

“You _will_ go with me, right, Roxas?”

Roxas's reply was an indistinct sort of 'eh' sound.

Ven reached past Mickey to grab his arm. “Come on, this is like bucket list stuff! You have to go on these at least once. Anyway, I want a line buddy.”

“And if you don't, you're stuck at a table again,” Axel pointed out.

“Fine,” Roxas sighed. “But if it makes me sick, you're the one stuck next to me.”

Ven was appeased anyway, cheer radiating off him. “What's a brother for?”

“In my experience, or in general?” Axel asked no one under his breath.

“I think I see our drinks coming!” Zack announced. “Everyone know what they want?”

“Yes,” Roxas intoned, and used the distraction to kick Axel.

“I'm stuck between two,” Ven looked between pages anxiously.

Axel mouthed 'what the fuck?' at Roxas. He tried to mime 'we're even' back, very poorly, and Axel gave him an even more bizarre look.

Rolling his eyes, Roxas muttered, “Forget it,” loud enough for Axel to hear.

“Huh?” Zack, unfortunately, also heard him.

“Nothing,” he said hastily. “I remember what I want now.”

He hoped he wasn't blushing. It'd be a dead giveaway of guilt.

Axel's eyebrows were raised, puzzling out the situation. As far as he could tell, Roxas had just tried to engage in a game of footsie.

Apart from being his future stepbrother, Roxas was so defensively straight. Axel could tell him that made him gay 'til the end of days, but that didn't change the fact that Roxas's behavior seemed par for the course for every heterosexual guy ever.

The mixed signals were starting to really mess with his head.

 


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> An announcement! With Muffin madly writing more stuff to up his NaNoWriMo word count, Overexposure is now going to be updated twice weekly! Look for new chapters on Mondays and Thursdays!

Roxas relented to the Christmas spirit just about as much as he was going to, with the relieving fact that there were only a few days left to this forced-fun vacation left. He'd consented to do a proper Disneyland tour with Ven and went on rides all day on the twenty-third, tomorrow was going to be a very relaxed Christmas with minimal presents to open (the trip was _supposed_ to be the big gift, this year, and Roxas was very considerately holding his tongue about what he thought of that) and then they'd _finally go home_.

He'd gone with Ven and his father out to the post office to start shipping away stuffed toys by the truckload, matching plush to recipient mostly at random. He'd given Sora a few with the instruction to distribute them as he liked, because there was no _way_ he was going out of his way to send _Riku_ a present. Olette got one, as did Hayner and Pence just so they couldn't say he didn't get them any souvenirs. After consideration, he even sent their cousin Vanitas a Winnie the Pooh doll, just because he thought it was funny.

The only person he put much thought into was Namine. He'd won her a little toy Jessie – she always got emotional, the two times they'd watched Toy Story 2. Hopefully, she'd accept the gift in the spirit it was intended; Roxas's way of saying that, as far as he was concerned, they were okay. Hopefully, she thought so, too.

When they got back to the hotel, it was to find that Aerith had also dragged Axel out on errands. They'd picked up plenty of snacks, drinks, and Christmas crackers to indulge in that evening. Ven was predictably excited by everything, Axel was excited about the eggnog, and Roxas was excited to leave soon... so, all in all, everyone was in better spirits than normal.

After dinner, they'd all settled down in Zack and Aerith's room to start a Christmas movie marathon while they decorated the little foil tree they'd bought with Christmas cracker toys.

There was only so much of _that_ Roxas could take.

He managed to sneak out another mug of eggnog on his way back to the bedroom, and lounged in near-darkness so as not to be called on his 'going to bed' bluff. Roxas had, though, underestimated how strong the eggnog actually was... Plus, inexperience with drinking meant he hadn't realized he couldn't just pound it back like beer.

With his head buzzing hard and the world entertainingly off-kilter, Roxas slowly turned towards the door when it opened, and wasn't surprised to see Axel.

“Huh,” Axel tossed his keycard onto the bedside table. He had a nice buzz of his own going. “Look who's awake.”

Roxas's gaze slid to the blurry numbers of the clock. “Look who's ditching early. Are you gonna say anything?”

“Nah. They just started Rudolph,” Axel replied, dropping onto his bed.

“Ven _loves_ Rudolph,” Roxas unknowingly drew out his vowels. “He'll probably get all guilty partway through about leaving his dog at home.”

“M'not surprised.”

Roxas's grin was lopsided. “He's got your mom's arms to cry into now.”

“And everyone's thrilled about it,” Axel drawled.

“Everyone not in this room, you mean.”

“S'what I meant,” he retorted dismissively.

“Yeah, I just said that. Why bother being subt-... sub-... sarcastic?”

Axel snorted over his fumbling. “It makes me happy.”

“S'pretty stupid.”

“You think everything I do is stupid.”

“It usually is.” Ha. Got 'im.

“I'd be so hurt if you weren't slurring,” Axel said, a bite of laughter under his words. He'd sprawled out to take up as much room on his bed as possible.

“Whatever.” Roxas lifted his mug to drink, as though that proved he could handle more.

“Yeah, drink more. That'll help.”

“I'm unwinding,” he replied with as much dignity as he had in him. “Tha's what you _want_ me to do.”

Axel stretched, rolling his eyes. “Yeah, s'what I want.”

“You only said it like _a million_ times.”

“You kept count?”

“Something to do while you talk.”

“You _listen_ ,” Axel crooned. “That's sweet.”

“No, I count while pretending to listen.”

“Got to listen to count, dumbass.”

“What _ever_ ,” Roxas practically bellowed, to his own ears. Really, he'd just spoken a bit louder. “This is a stupid conversation.”

“You started it.” _Bam_. Got 'im.

“This is why I need to drink.”

“I thought you needed to drink to relax your muscles?” Axel lifted his head, conversational. “Y'know, before trying to pry the stick from your ass.”

Roxas scowled. “You're lucky this raises my tolerance for jackasses.”

“My ass is the most tolerable you'll ever find. It jus' happens to affect my personality.”

Roxas squinted at him, not following.

“Shut up, I'm tipsy. My point is, I think _most_ of your attitude comes from the fact that I'm hot and you hate that,” Axel smugly concluded.

His brain supplied a response before he had any time to wonder where it came from. “You wish you were my type.”

Axel sat up. “ _Do_ I?”

“You're like... 'bsessed with me being gay for you,” Roxas taunted.

“Like hell. I just know that you _are_.”

“You jus' bring it up all the time.”

“I bring it up when I wanna piss you off,” Axel corrected. Which was only _most_ of the time.

“You don't have to try. You piss me off by ex-...es'sisting.”

“That is literally the nicest thing you could've said to me.”

“Merry fuckin' Christmas,” Roxas scowled bitterly.

“You can open your present, now,” Axel snorted, dropping flat back on the bed.

Roxas was successfully thrown off. “What's that?”

“Me, obviously,” Axel teased, and his voice had become a low rumble. “I've been wooed.”

Roxas's blood was more comprised of rum than anything else. That was the only explanation. His brain had soaked in it, made room for its absorption by getting rid of sense, and decided the best course of action was to tip the power. Call his bluff.

This would so definitely fuck with Axel.

Getting up, Roxas abandoned his bed to lean over Axel, hands flanking his head. “Yeah?” he breathed, stare intent.

For a second, Axel was surprised. Then he smirked and grabbed the front of his shirt, pulling him down just a little. “Yeah.”

Panic almost betrayed him before Roxas realized there was still some distance between them, and he talked bigger to compensate. “Not like we're actually related or anything, right?”

Axel kept his voice at a purr just to keep himself from laughing at him. “Fuck no.”

“So... it doesn't matter,” Roxas stalled. He was too warm off eggnog already to figure out that the extra heat was coming from Axel's _voice_ being all... rough, like that.

“Not like they'd even know, they're gonna be busy with movies for a while,” Axel licked his lips, still teasing. “Bet they wouldn't even hear it if I made you moan.”

A blush crept over Roxas's face right up to the roots of his hair, and the warmth distinctly started to settle in one spot. “We're... we're miles away from anyone else who knows us.”

“Wouldn't be any consequences. No one would ever know.” He was starting to wonder if Roxas _meant_ it, but Axel wasn't about to back down, regardless.

Roxas swallowed, clearly flustered. “Y-yeah, so, why not?”

“Exactly. Why not,” he challenged, and glanced at Roxas's lips.

He noticed. If Roxas escalated things to the physical... Would that mean he 'won'? “... That's what I'm asking _you_.”

“Do you _want_ to?” Axel shifted a little closer, pupils blown wide but getting back on track with taunting that he didn't mean to back up. “Want me to suck you off 'til you scream? It's not gay to get head.”

Roxas moved back reflexively and grasped uselessly for a response, face scarlet. Axel grinned, victorious.

There was no way. He _knew_ Axel was fucking with him, he just didn't know why the room had gotten so uncomfortably hot... But it didn't matter. He was going to wipe the grin off Axel's face.

He leaned forward to kiss him – or, rather, get close enough to psyche him out. Instead, neither of those things happened.

Roxas missed completely, and more or less bashed his face against Axel's.

“ _Agh -_ ” Axel jerked back with a groan, the point of impact throbbing. “What the hell-?!”

Springing back with a loud hiss, Roxas put a hand to his aching nose. He felt a little triumphant, anyway.

“ _Fuck_ ,” Axel scowled. “You just set the bar for 'worst kisser ever'.”

He was somewhat muffled behind his hand. “It wasn't a kiss, it was just -”

“A really pathetic attempt at one?”

“Just forget it,” Roxas turned to stalk back towards his bed, the blows to his ego taking some of the shine away from his 'win'.

But Axel caught him before he could get too far.

“ _Fuck_ that, let me show you how this is done.”

Roxas went dead still. Axel's lips were on his, kissing him firmly, and every panicked half-formed thought was nuked into oblivion.

It didn't last long, and Axel pulled away in annoyance rather than smugness, his tipsy impulse having been to make a _point_. “Not that complicated.”

The blush had drained from his face and left Roxas pale. His lips tingled, warm. “... Yeah, well-... I don't have all that experience macking on guys.”

“That had nothing to do with me being a guy, that was just terrible form. You suck.”

“Think I'll kiss you now to prove you wrong? Nice try,” Roxas bit scathingly, throwing himself onto his bed and facing the wall.

Axel sank onto his bed, still looking affronted. His nose still hurt. “After _that_ , trust me, I really don't want to.”

The two of them fell into an unbearably awkward silence.

Roxas reached for his drink. He needed to drain the remainder of his eggnog; he needed to not care about what'd just happened. He tried not to let the faint tang of blood spoil the sugary drink, or the awareness that his 'overheated' state wasn't just that.

He stole a glance at Axel, just to check that _he_ wasn't looking. Axel had rolled over onto his side, back now to Roxas. The curve of his hips was excessively prominent.

He slammed the mug down on the bedside table, nearly missing and hitting it pretty loud.

It roused Axel from his musings about sexting Marluxia. “That's emphatic. Do you mind?”

“Mind what...?” Roxas was slurring even worse.

“Keep your sexual frustration in check and keep quiet.”

On some level, Roxas was more irked because he was _right_ , but he didn't make the connection. “I'll be _real_ quiet.”

“Thank you _so_ much.”

Savagely, Roxas muttered, “Maybe I'll quietly whip it out since you're so interested.”

Axel paused and lowered his phone. “Don't have to be quiet about _that_.”

“Huh...?” He'd nearly forgotten the context.

“If you're gonna bring it out, might as well jerk off.”

“You... you'd like that, wouldn't you?”

“Not as much as you would,” Axel countered.

Incredibly, and horribly, he was starting to consider actually _doing_ it. Not for Axel, obviously – he'd resumed texting, anyway – but because he felt like he had to. Roxas hadn't gotten _alone time_ for the entirety of the trip, and the heat between his legs wasn't going away.

The silence was starting to become unnerving, and Axel thought he might break it when Roxas groaned dramatically. For a split-second, he thought he'd actually thrown caution to the wind, but... No, he'd just buried himself in covers, and the whine hadn't been of pleasure. He was just moping.

Well, at least that was par for the course. Axel was happy to ignore him, then.

Roxas rearranged himself under the blankets to press down hard between his legs, erection unforgiving. If he just kept his hands there, maybe they'd accomplish something to the effect of a cold shower... There was _no way_ he was actually going to give Axel the satisfaction of _doing it_.

Or, himself the satisfaction...

And to think, he'd started to let his guard down. Axel was the _devil_.


	11. Chapter 11

Mickey Mouse was much too large to fit in an overhead compartment.

They'd arrived early at the airport specifically to address the possibility of needing another seat, and wound up finagling it with the airline staff. They had six tickets in total, to Aerith's mild embarrassment and Ven's delight.

“So who wants to sit with Mickey?”

Roxas raised an eyebrow. “Is that really a question?”

Honestly, it should have mostly been rhetorical. Ven had lit up at the prospect, and anyone else who might've wanted to sit with a giant plush wouldn't have said so lest they dash his dreams.

“Well, whoever has Mickey should get one of the window seats,” Aerith pondered, sorting through the tickets. With the new arrangement, they wouldn't all be sitting together – they would need to pair off.

Axel, who'd realized what that probably meant, was already groaning.

“Alright, Ven, take these tickets, and -... Hm...”

They were both looking at the two remaining children.

“Maybe we should each go with one of them?” Aerith suggested uncertainly. Time alone with her fiance was scarce with three teenagers in the house, but she could recognize the danger of the situation. Her preferences could be put aside.

“That might be best,” Zack agreed reluctantly.

“... It's fine,” Axel said, certainly not grousing but definitely hating himself. Dumb parental guilt. “You can sit with Zack, Mom.”

Roxas glanced at him sharply. After Christmas Eve, they'd been deliberately staying away from each other, which was an arrangement that almost sort of _worked_ for him. From the look on his face, Axel wasn't keen on sitting next to Roxas for hours on end either.

“Are you sure?” Aerith questioned. The first boarding call had just come over the announcements.

“Yeah, whatever...”

Looking between Aerith and his father, Roxas accidentally met Zack's eyes in the process and sighed. There was no coming back from that face. “I'll probably just sleep the whole way, anyway.”

Zack gave him a grateful grin, pleased in equal parts that Roxas was making an effort and that he'd have more time with Aerith. They all took tickets as Aerith distributed them.

“Thank you, boys.” Aerith kissed Axel's forehead when he accepted the ticket and let Zack take her hand.

“Everyone got their carry-on stuff?”

“Got it,” Ven declared, holding Mickey as evidence to that. There were sounds of acknowledgment all around, the pack of them moving towards the meandering line of people.

“Great. No one go any farther than baggage claim when you leave the plane, alright?” Zack instructed.

“Yes, Dad.”

Both parents waited to take their seats after making sure everyone was safely set up. In Axel's case, that meant dropping into the window seat with a moody air. In Roxas's, it meant taking the seat by his side with a glare, hating that he didn't even have a window to stare out of to effectively ignore him.

“They wanted to sit together, don't look at me like that.”

“I can look at you however I want,” Roxas retorted.

“Is that how you justify mentally undressing me?”

“Ugh, come on.”

Axel stretched his legs out. “Don't play in the big leagues if you don't want to be called out on your shit.”

Searching for headphones, Roxas eyed Axel's legs with a scowl. “I swear, if you kick me...”

“ _Why_ would I kick you?”

“To make room for your freakishly long legs?”

“You'll notice I'm keeping to _my side_ ,” Axel shot back. “And if I wasn't, your stunted legs still wouldn't reach mine.”

For a moment, Roxas looked like he might rise to that. Instead, he collected himself and sighed. “Fine. Just keep it there.”

“Was planning to.”

“Then... good.”

Axel rolled his eyes and stared out the window. Unable to find his headphones and determining they were probably in his luggage, Roxas gave up and stared up at the ceiling.

Call button for the flight attendant... Little lights for reading... Emergency stuff...

That about did it for taking inventory.

If they could just... stay quiet, maybe they could get back to 'civil'. They'd been approaching that level, before... Before the thing that happened that Roxas was pretending hadn't happened. Mercifully, Roxas could only remember fragments of Christmas Eve, but he knew _enough_. He was caught between wanting to make excuses for himself, and never wanting it mentioned again.

Trying to pretend anyone but Roxas was beside him, Axel accidentally let his mind stray to what would make his presence the most tolerable... Which, of course, involved occupying his mouth so he couldn't say anything about Christmas Eve.

Somewhat counter-intuitive, though.

Axel tried to redirect his thoughts to _safer_ sexual ones – he had plenty of experience with Marluxia, or Demyx was cute, either of _them_ would do – but he couldn't seem to shake the whole 'sex' theme. Occupying himself by humming, he settled on fantasizing about Demyx... only for the blonde hair to lead him right back to Roxas.

Involuntarily turning pink, Roxas exhaled and waited for take off. He was doing everything in his power not to focus on or call back the memory of Axel's voice, and it became a little easier when the plane began to move. The smooth landing strip was gliding along outside the window, starting to build speed.

Good. Roxas had no reason to believe that being in the air would make this any easier, but... it was better than waiting for take off.

On the flip side, that did still mean _taking off_. Roxas closed his eyes and held his breath as they started to tip back – he never liked this part...

“... Dude, are you okay?”

Starting at being spoken to, Roxas kept his eyes closed. “I'm fine.”

“You look like you're gonna be sick.” Despite himself, Axel was vaguely concerned, and not only because he thought Roxas would aim for him if he really was.

“I'm not,” Roxas insisted, clenching one hand in his lap.

“If nothing else, you're freaking out.”

“I'm _not_ freaking out. I'm just... getting through it.”

Axel frowned faintly. “You have issues flying?”

“I don't have issues, I just... don't like take off.”

“... Want gum?”

Roxas opened one eye. “You have some?”

“Yeah.” Axel rummaged through his pocket and handed Roxas a stick, taking out a second one for himself. Hastily, Roxas unwrapped it and popped the gum in his mouth, chewing gratefully. Every clench of his teeth removed some of the pressure against his temples.

“... Thanks...”

“No problem.” Axel put the pack back into his pocket. “That help?”

“A bit, yeah,” Roxas replied quietly.

“Good.”

His sympathy, for some reason, didn't evaporate once he'd done his part to keep Roxas from freaking out – no matter what he said, Axel was pretty sure he'd been about to. He looked out the window, watching the world become smaller below and waiting for turbulence to pass.

Hands clenched against his knees, Roxas breathed out slow and long once they were smoothly in the air, and relaxed his grip.

“Better?”

“Much,” Roxas said, sounding a great deal calmer. He glanced at Axel, watching him tilt his head against the rest, and opened his mouth to speak.

… Nope. He couldn't say this out loud.

Screwing up his face, he made an abrupt decision and leaned forward for his bag. He dug it out from the seat in front of him, rummaging through for his homework with no intention of actually doing it. The only source of paper he could find was a textbook, which would do.

Taking a pencil, he opened the book to a random page.

The book was pushed Axel's way, drawing his attention. Scrawled in the bottom corner were the words _'Sorry for before.'_

His eyebrows raised. “... It's cool,” Axel muttered. “You were drunk.”

“I said stupid shit,” Roxas admitted, barely audible.

“ _Drunk_ shit.”

“Drunk stupid shit is still stupid shit...”

“I get it, though,” Axel shook his head. “You're confused and you've got complicated shit going on with your not-girlfriend and you had a fuckton of rum. So... whatever.”

“What am I confused about?”

Axel gave him a flat look. Roxas resisted a scowl.

“All I know is that when we were almost getting along, it was the first time my dad looked happy to be seen with me in forever.”

“... You're the problem kid, huh.”

Roxas raised his eyebrows. “No, Ven's got an arrest record a mile long.”

“Not like that,” Axel exhaled. “I mean – you can see it in his face, right? Like he's wondering where he went wrong? Mom looks at me like that.”

“... Yeah. It sucks.”

“My mom's happier when we're not at each other's throat,” he sighed. “But you are so _fucking_ annoying. It's the defensiveness, see. Can't stand it.”

Roxas shrugged. “Well, you're an irritating tool.”

“But at least I know it, and I like who I am.”

“It shows...”

“And what's wrong with that?” Axel sat up a little more. “I'm so fucking over the 'hate yourself' thing, it wasn't as cool as I thought.”

“Nothing _wrong_ , it just makes it impossible to talk to you.”

“What makes talking impossible is that you're in denial about everything about yourself,” Axel argued.

“I'm not -” Roxas faltered, realizing how ridiculous it was to deny being in denial.

“It's like... you can't stand anything about yourself but you don't want to be any different, so,” Axel snorted. “You just freak out and get snippy.”

Roxas didn't any better response than, “You sound like Namine. Rude Namine.”

Axel smirked. “Mom never managed to teach me tact.”

“Which is weird, because your mom is so nice.”

“She's pretty justified in wondering what the hell happened, yeah,” he admitted.

Roxas settled back into the seat, defeated. “So, what do you want from me?”

Axel almost snorted again. “... I dunno, to stop being so... It's like you're always on edge. Cut that shit out.”

“I don't get to take the edge off very often,” Roxas murmured, right back to being barely loud enough to hear.

“Too easy to make dirty,” Axel snickered.

“Yeah, but it's that, too.” To his own surprise, Roxas leaned a bit closer. “Between you and me, I can't get comfortable enough in my own room anymore.”

The part of Axel that recognized that might be in part his fault twinged. “You need some privacy,” he said by way of apology. “Or a girlfriend. Or boyfriend. Whatever.”

“Or a bell on the door.”

“... You can use my room, if you want.”

Axel hadn't thought before he spoke. Roxas stared at him, warmth flooding his face.

“Don't make it weird,” he groaned. “I just mean – Ven's cool with barging into your room but no one walks into mine, and I got a taste of how irritating sharing a room is. And it's not like I _care_.”

“It was already weird,” Roxas looked away, face still burning.

“Don't have to take me up on it.” He wanted to retract the offer and act like he'd never given Roxas free reign to masturbate in his bedroom. Now the image would never go away.

“I won't, thanks. I wasn't asking for a favor, I was just trying...”

“I know. I'm just genuinely curious about what you're like when you're _not_ sexually frustrated.”

“I'll let you know when I know,” Roxas mumbled.

Axel snorted, but it was distinctly more sympathetic now.

“But I think trying to have a girlfriend is off the table until I get over the fear that any girl I like will turn out to be gay without telling me.”

“Maybe, I dunno. Ask.”

“Great,” Roxas rolled his eyes. “'Hi, my name is Roxas, are you a lesbian or can I consider you a romantic prospect?' That's a winning line.”

“I'd be charmed.”

“If I asked if you were a lesbian?”

“Swooning, right now.”

When Roxas scoffed, it was with the faintest hint of a grin.

“So in actuality, maybe don't open with that,” Axel amended, “but you can still ask if things go in that direction.”

“Yeah... I'll see about that.”

“Don't worry, man, there are more straight girls than lesbians.”

“I think I'll see if patching up my friendship with Namine is happening, first...”

“Yeah, do that. Sounds like she probably will.”

“Mn,” Roxas dragged the textbook back to carefully erase the message. “Yeah, she doesn't hold grudges...”

“Then, it's cool. Nothing to even worry about.”

“I also bribed her with a stuffed toy, so...”

“The key to anyone's heart,” Axel said sagely.

“Ven seems to be in love, so...”

“I thought we already knew that.”

Roxas paused. “Yeah, we did.”

“Guess there's competition, now. My money's on Mickey,” Axel declared decisively.

“Then you don't know Ven that well,” Roxas snorted.

“What? I think they make a cute couple.”

“You haven't seen how he gets with Terra yet.”

“Is it sickening?”

“Beyond.”

“Nothing worse than happy homosexuals in love,” Axel said, not in the least bitter.

Roxas sighed. “At least he's a good guy.”

“Yeah... He sounds like it.” Axel was only basing his opinion on endless anecdotes he'd heard over the morning commutes to school.

“Yeah. Works out great for him.”

“What, you jealous?”

“No.”

“You sound _bitter_.”

“I'm not.”

“If you say so.”

“... Are you?”

“Sure,” Axel shrugged. “Who doesn't want to be happy and getting laid? Although I'm pretty sure Ven's a virgin... Still.”

“ _Definitely_.”

“The kid exudes innocence...”

“He can't keep secrets about himself to save his life,” Roxas informed him. “If he actually _knew_ he was dating Terra, everyone would know.”

“They should really talk about that.”

“Terra probably wouldn't admit it unless Ven did first. He's like twenty, and not the type to be creepy... So whenever that happens, the whole thing's gonna come to light. Might as well save your coming out for then.”

Roxas had meant it lightly, but Axel shook his head. “Won't matter. Mom'll be more okay with either of you than me.”

He didn't even twitch at the 'either' implication, more curious than indignant. “Why us?”

“She didn't raise you.”

“She'd really blame herself for that?”

“You've met her, right?” Axel tilted his head back again. “My mom's great, she just... Everything 'difficult' about me is like, this personal failure, in her head.”

“That's -” Roxas faltered. “Well, she's half your DNA, so I guess it could be true...”

“I'm obviously her gay urges, manifest,” Axel joked without humor.

“Could be. Still...”

“She'll be disappointed and devastated and she'll probably cry herself to sleep, most nights.” Axel had thought about that for years, lying awake until exhaustion hollowed him out. “She wouldn't be like that with you guys.”

“Sorry...”

“It's fine,” Axel shrugged. It wasn't, but he was used to the idea.

“Maybe if she gets used to Ven she'll come around,” Roxas suggested.

“Only if I find a nice twenty year old who'll be a gentleman.”

“Worth a shot?”

“But I don't _want_ a gentleman,” Axel sighed dramatically.

“I really don't want to know what you want...”

Regardless, Axel elaborated promptly. “Feisty, kinky, hot.”

“Not listening.”

“A bit of a bad side is always sexy...”

“Mn.” Roxas wasn't taking any of that to heart. He was pretty sure Axel was just saying whatever would bother him most.

“And blonde,” Axel smirked.

Roxas twitched. That confirmed _that_.

“I'll stop,” Axel snickered. Roxas didn't deem that worth gratitude, but now that they'd been talking, Axel wasn't going to settle for silence. “So... What's Namine like?”

“What do you mean?” Roxas glanced at him strangely. “Haven't you met her?”

“I've seen her through a window a few times?”

“You should really meet her some time... Proof there's some good in that family.”

“Yeah,” Axel shifted to get comfortable again. “Marluxia is a first-class asshole.”

“Doesn't seem to be an issue for you.”

“How many gay guys do _you_ know?” Axel pointed out.

“That aren't now family?”

“Ven's too sweet, anyway.”

“Too sweet for what?”

“To date,” Axel shrugged. “Marly was fine because I could be a jackass to him and he wouldn't care. Couldn't be like that with a guy like Ven.”

“Ugh, don't make me think about that,” Roxas groaned, swatting him. Abruptly, his hand became a claw that grabbed Axel's arm when they hit a pocket of turbulence, and Axel reflexively seized him in return.

“... You cool?”

“Yeah...” Unconsciously, Roxas squeezed. “Yeah, just jumped a bit.”

“Just turbulence. We're good. I freak out pretty easy on boats, it's almost the same thing.”

That improved Roxas's mood very marginally. “So if the next Disney vacation is a cruise...”

“I'm boned.”

“I guess that makes this a little less embarrassing.”

“Right? I aim to help.”

“We were...” Roxas swallowed, “talking about Namine...”

“Right, yeah.”

“She's... nice. Quiet, smart, calm like... all the time,” Roxas told him. “Really knows people. Scary well.”

“How scary is 'scary well'? Marluxia called her a witch.”

Roxas's eyes narrowed. “I just mean she's perceptive.”

“See, we're clearing up misconceptions.”

“She knows things about people before they do,” Roxas said, and tried not to reflect on what she said about _him_. “But she's a total martyr.”

“Unhealthy combination.”

“I hate that she lives with Marluxia... but she has parents at least.”

“... He's sadistic,” Axel frowned. “It probably _is_ better when he has another outlet...”

Sleeping with Marluxia wasn't always a stellar experience, but on the rougher days, Axel wondered if he'd have been inclined to take those urges out on his foster sister instead. He didn't think Marluxia would ever touch her, but Axel knew from experience that he didn't need to to hurt someone.

Roxas scowled.

“Sounds like she has good friends, though,” Axel offered in consolation. “Attraction to girls aside, you care about her a lot, right?”

“Yeah. She's one of my best friends.”

“You're lucky.”

“You could call it that.” He certainly didn't want to imagine _not_ having her as a friend.

“Think she'll get to move out?”

“If I have to give up my future apartment for her to have a place, she will.”

Axel grinned. “That's so _sweet_.”

“Not really, that's just how much I hate Marluxia.”

The grin became a snicker.

“I don't think it's that funny.”

“It's funny to me. I hated Marly even while we were dating, it's hilarious how easy he is to loathe.”

“So you were actually – that makes it feel a little less dirty...”

“Oh right,” it struck Axel like a bolt of lightning. “I forgot you saw us that time.”

“So glad you were able to forget that...”

“Keep you up at night?” Axel asked snidely.

“Not the way you're trying to say.”

“I meant nightmares, what did you mean?”

Roxas reddened. “... Roughly that.”

“Promise that in future, my sexcapades will be private.”

“Great. Still never bringing my camera around that house again.”

“That's probably smart,” he admitted.

“Which wasn't intentional, by the way,” Roxas hastened to explain himself, now that he had the chance. “I take a lot of close-up shots, they have a nice garden.”

“Didn't think it _was_. Don't think you even knew Marly and I were acquainted.”

Roxas's brow knitted. “You made it seem like you did.”

“Yeah, I was being an asshole. How the hell could you have expected that?” Axel paused. “You don't totally suck to talk to, y'know.”

“... Thanks, I guess.”

“Take it to heart. I probably won't say anything like that again.”

“Sure, I'll take it.” If he were feeling a little more generous, Roxas might have expressed a similar sentiment, so long as a disclaimer would be acceptable to tack on. Something along the lines of 'but you're still a tool'.

“I don't actually want to fight with you all the time,” Axel said cautiously. “Makes my mom miserable.”

Was Axel getting at what it seemed like he was getting at? “Yeah, same with my dad. And it's not exactly fun for me, either.”

“So... I don't piss you off, you don't piss me off,” Axel proposed.

“Yeah,” Roxas tentatively agreed. “More or less.”

“Cool. Agreed.”

It was a very fragile truce, but a truce nonetheless.

 


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A message to our American readers, particularly those who are not white, cis, straight, or healthy either mentally or physically... Please stay safe and know you are cared about. This election was rough and the world has been watching, particularly those of us on your Northern border. We're wishing you well.

The only reason New Year's Eve was less awkward than Christmas was because it was under parental supervision. Their truce was being kept, which made the overall atmosphere in the house...

'Peaceful' wasn't the right word. 'Quieter' would be a more accurate way to put it.

All exchanges between Axel and Roxas were short and civil. Without _having_ to be in each other's company all the time, they were more than happy to spend as much time as possible holed up in the rooms. Dinners were mandatory, as were the occasional nights Aerith or Zack demanded they spend 'family time' together, but otherwise there was a healthy distance kept.

And it was driving them both stir-crazy.

Neither one felt like they could step out of their rooms or have free rein of the house, and just saying that an event was forgotten didn't make it so. Their (pathetic) kiss kept coming to mind at the most random of times, only to be fervently ignored by Roxas and denied as anything but one-upmanship by Axel.

There was a pretty reliable rumor about a party being thrown to kick off second semester, and unbeknownst to either of them, Axel and Roxas came to the same conclusion.

They needed to get completely and utterly blitzed.

Roxas, naturally, needed to justify his decision to himself. He could pretend that he was going just to be social and see friends after the Disney trip, which was the excuse Zack had bought. In truth, he'd only seen Hayner for a few minutes at a time. The rest of the time had been in search of free booze.

He was on his second beer before the party had even picked up. Finding a spot on the couch to squeeze into, Roxas casually listened in on nearby conversations for lack of anything else to do.

Axel, on the other hand, had told his mother a partial truth; he was going to hang out with Demyx. They had done some pre-drinking at his place before they'd been thrown out, and walked the rest of the way to whoever's house – he _thought_ it might be that guy with the goatee in his Statistics class, but Axel didn't really care enough to confirm that.

He let Demyx walk ahead of him to watch his ass.

“This music _sucks_ ,” Demyx moaned, stooping to pick up a can of beer from the case by the door. Axel watched his backside and stole the drink out of his hand seamlessly before he could even open the can.

“Go complain.”

“That sounds like work.” Blinking, Demyx found his hand mysteriously empty and bent to grab another one.

Roxas had become aware that he didn't know the people he'd surrounded himself with, but was buzzed enough to contribute a few sentences to the meaningless conversation. The conversation only lasted as long as the music was at a bearable volume, which changed the moment a few seniors started grinding on each other.

The music was turned up a decibel and Roxas had to shout to be heard. Not worth it, for a conversation he didn't care about. Someone else was hollering about shots being poured in the kitchen, and that sounded like a more worthwhile use of his time.

Watching Demyx go join the crowd of undulating bodies, Axel downed his beer like it was the antidote to a poison and crumpled the can when it had no more to give. Absently, he licked his lips and suppressed the impulsive idea to start a fight.

Maybe later, if the party was winding down.

In the meantime, he didn't want to be _that_ party guest that just milled around the front door drinking. He'd rather seek alcohol elsewhere.

He took another beer just in case the shot selection was unappealing (unlikely; as long as it was alcohol, Axel would drink it) and started shouldering past people to the kitchen.

Roxas, after downing two shots, was starting to become irritated with the music volume. The song had changed to a bass-heavy pounding beat, and he could feel the vibrations right up in his temples. He had to find somewhere quieter, just until the song changed or someone had the sense to turn it down.

He was practically shoving the crush of people out of his way when he collided with a familiar pair of hips. Roxas didn't lift his eyes even though he dimly recognized the figure and the clothes, just sidling by to get to the stairs.

Axel stared after him, eyebrows raised and debating whether or not he'd use this against him later.

He probably wouldn't. They were at the same party, so who was he to talk about underage drinking?

Swaying, Roxas clung to the railing and trudged up the stairs to the second floor, head still hanging a little. It was heavy, like his thoughts had thickened and were swimming around in his brain, but he didn't think he was drunk. He still had the sense to jerk his head up at the first sound of panicked voices.

Shot glass in one hand and beer in the other, Axel froze as the ripple of alarm passed from the front door to the kitchen. He'd been in this situation before; he knew what that meant.

“Shit -”

Okay. Quick thinking. Axel was drunk, but quick thinking was still doable.

The majority of people would run. Demyx might be among them, but Axel wasn't going to concern himself with that – they'd swapped enough party stories to give him confidence that Demyx could handle himself.

So, Axel would wait it out. He just needed to find a place to hide.

Roxas didn't really clue in until he heard the sirens. He bolted, pulling open a bedroom door and throwing himself inside. Heart now beating wildly, his head whipped from side to side, looking for a better hiding spot.

The closet. It was the only obvious place. Too obvious? No – he couldn't look for another one, now, he'd just bury himself in the closet.

He didn't think about what Axel might've said on the matter, and scrambled to close the closet door after him. He'd neglected, however, to close the door to the bedroom.

Axel shut it behind him, crouching to check whether or not it was clear under the bed. It was not.

Closet it was, then.

Roxas's breath caught when the folding door was pulled open, shrinking against the clothing heap and shoe boxes jabbing him in the back. Axel wedged himself inside and closed the door again before even thinking to check whether or not he was alone.

“Shit -” he almost jumped when he collided with Roxas's foot.

“Axel?” Roxas hissed into the darkness.

He relaxed when he realized he knew who it was. “Keep quiet, alright?”

“I'm not stupid,” Roxas retorted. Axel didn't say anything, taking his own advice and trying to get comfortable instead. Likewise, Roxas did the same.

The back of his throat felt strange, now. It was being squeezed by something, maybe the thing that was crawling up from his stomach and making his heart jump around his rib cage -

God, he didn't think he'd ever been this terrified. If he got arrested... Roxas could only picture his father's face too well. The anger would be buried under the disappointment, but he wouldn't be _hurt_ because he'd probably expected this ever since Roxas got suspended in kindergarten for throwing the toy keys at the teacher -

He buried his face in his palm. It was clammy.

Although he was definitely more practiced at this scenario, Axel was a little tense about hiding with _Roxas_. If anything would give them away, he would. With a bit of derision, Axel said nigh-inaudibly, “Chill.”

“Shut up.” Roxas was too anxious to include any bite to his tone.

“ _Chill_ , first.”

“You _talking_ isn't helping.”

“Wouldn't have said anything if you didn't look like you were gonna start whimpering.”

The music downstairs had stopped; someone had finally pulled the plug. The din of voices wasn't a reassuring replacement.

“I was _not_ -... I just can't have my dad find out I'm here.”

“No, really?” Axel drawled quietly. Roxas groaned.

“Shut _up_.”

“Gladly. But stop freaking out.”

“Sure, I'll just do that.”

“Great, thanks.”

Roxas rolled his eyes. “Haven't had enough to drink for this...”

“To get caught underage drinking? Sure you have.”

His heart did another one of those uncomfortable jumps. “You know what I mean, don't be like that.”

“Apparently you need to be drunk to tolerate my presence either way. Sorry, I don't have my beer...”

Narrowing his eyes, Roxas muttered, “How long do you think we have to be in here for?”

“Until you don't hear any more cops, or when the music starts again,” Axel answered. “If we're lucky, they'll only take this as far as 'noise complaint'.”

“What if we're not lucky?”

“They'll take the rowdy drunks to their parents and give the rest of us fines and other such trouble to explain to your dad.”

Roxas shut his eyes tightly. “Fuck...”

“Won't happen if, y'know. You chill.”

“How?” Roxas shot back, even harder to hear with his whisper so strangled. “There's a shoe box in my spine.”

“Stick it up your ass, instead.”

Roxas almost snarled, shifting a little in an attempt to get off the box. It was a difficult task, since he was also avoiding brushing the door of the closet – if any little movement gave him away, he'd have to just... blink out of existence. There'd be no other alternative to facing Zack.

“... Here,” Axel sighed, snaking out an arm to wrap around Roxas's waist.

“ _Ah_ -” Roxas's breath caught, almost leaning on top of him. He was... taking a surprising amount of comfort in the touch.

Axel's other arm reached out to turn the shoe box around. “Quiet,” he murmured, pushing it back. “Better?”

Slowly, Roxas settled back again and exhaled, nodding. Axel's eyes had adjusted enough to make the movement out, and he drew back.

Roxas's eyes had also adjusted, eyes drawn to the thin bars of wan light coming in from the slots in the door.

… Last time they were this close, they'd been -

Axel swallowed.

“... If we get caught, you'll probably get most of the blame,” Roxas muttered. “So, sorry. I don't want to do that to you.”

Surprised, Axel took a second to respond. “Thanks.”

Roxas shrugged. “Just don't want you getting something you don't deserve.”

“... You just mean that about the bad shit, or the good shit too?”

“Both,” he grinned.

Axel smirked faintly. “Sounds like you.”

They both fell quiet again, Roxas listening intently and Axel suddenly contemplating how hard he could bite Roxas's lower lip before he'd stop liking it.

Without warning, Roxas leaned forward, trying to see anything through the gaps in the door. There was still plenty of commotion downstairs, and he couldn't tell if any of it had migrated upstairs...

He at least didn't see anything. A sense of relief was settling into his buzz, and it was starting to feel like their tiny shared space was... separate, from what was out there.

He glanced at Axel, who looked away when their eyes met. Peculiarly, Roxas found himself a little annoyed by that. Roxas thought on the oddity of how much warmer it was, this close to him, when Axel turned his head to look at him again.

They were almost nose to nose.

Axel faltered. “... Fuck...”

“Um...”

“You're...”

Assuming he was going to say 'too close', Roxas twitched back. “Sorry -”

Impulsively, Axel leaned in. The movement had kept them from touching, but threw Roxas mentally off-balance. Surprised, his hand shot over Axel's shoulder to brace against the wall behind him, having trouble breaking eye contact.

Axel wasn't thinking enough to expect anything one way or another. He kissed him.

The shock was dampened by the spark, the kiss feeling more like something Roxas had been anticipating for a long time. Without rejection, Axel's drunken brain didn't send him any signals to stop, and he pressed closer and kissed harder.

That sent Roxas into motion. Forcefully, if clumsily, he returned the contact with a hungry tongue, turning up the heat in an instant. Running a hand up into Roxas's hair, Axel made good on his musings and bit down on his lower lip... but a lot more carefully than he'd been thinking about.

“Ngh-...”

Distance was clearly becoming impractical. Roxas moved, almost crouching over Axel's lap until he was pulled right into it. Axel swallowed the sound of another moan, kissing him that much more deeply in an attempt to keep him quiet.

Roxas took his hands off the wall and grabbed handfuls of Axel's shirt instead, leaning into him for support.

“ _Mn_...”

They were forcing themselves quieter but couldn't seem to help the noises. One of Axel's warm hands slipped under his shirt, making Roxas shiver and instinctively arch closer. He'd stopped thinking altogether, sucking at Axel's lower lip when the urge came to him, reveling in the hitch of his breath.

His hand slid down, around to Roxas's back, and then Axel froze. He pulled away sharply, heavy footsteps in the hallway outside the bedroom forcing reality back into the situation.

Roxas breathed, barely audible. “Oh my god...”

Hushing him, Axel put his lips against Roxas's without really kissing him. He was just quieting him, lingering there as he listened, but it gave Roxas a sharp jolt between his legs.

He was more aware of the heat and feel of Axel's lips now than he had been with the frantic motion between them. Every point of contact he could feel _so acutely_...

The bedroom door had been opened, the light flicked on. But no one came in. Slowly, firmly, Axel began to kiss him again once he was sure they'd moved on, the sound of a couple of cops talking far enough away to be indistinct. Roxas was much quieter even as he responded, and for several moments the only sounds between them were that of rustling clothes and lips moving against each other.

If Roxas could have formed a thought, he would have noticed he was getting more drunk on this than the shots he'd had.

This slow and sensual kind of kissing wasn't what Axel was used to, but damn if he didn't like it. His kisses became more heated when he heard the cops heading back downstairs, and Roxas's fear wore off enough to leave residual adrenaline in its wake. He pressed firmly into his lap, nails getting a grip through his shirt.

The sound Axel made – his attempt at stifling a moan – clued Roxas into the idea that he had a degree of power, here. He dragged his nails up with more intent and pulled Axel's shirt along with them, which was not disputed. Axel traced Roxas's lips quickly with his tongue.

“Think they're leaving,” Axel muttered.

“Yeah...?” Roxas let Axel nibble his lower lip, jaw a bit slack to allow Axel to explore all he wanted.

“... Yeah...”

Their kissing and groping came to a slow halt, and Roxas hesitated, sense returning enough to figure out what that meant. If the cops had gone, they had to get out of here...

Neither one of them let go, yet.

“... C'mon,” Axel sighed.

“Axel -”

“Or we could wait a couple more minutes,” he continued. “Just in case.”

“... This... can't happen out there.”

Axel nodded, a mite impatient. “Yeah, I get that, so are we gonna keep going or what?”

“... Well, yeah.”

Axel immediately caught his lips again and Roxas responded with enthusiasm, pressing flush against Axel's body. He was more aware of time, and only having one chance at this.

One of Axel's hands went up in his hair, and Roxas decided to reciprocate that touch. He didn't follow suit when Axel's hand descended, though.

Likewise, Axel knew he only had this opportunity to feel him up, and gripped Roxas's ass with an air of reverence, enjoying getting a feel after all the concealed glances. A tiny spark of tension made Roxas twitch – he wasn't sure if that was too far, if he should stop Axel, if he should encourage him or moan because there was a _lot_ of heat between his legs -

Experimentally, he tugged Axel's hair. Let him take that as he would.

“ _Mngh_...”

Okay so that had been encouragement and holy fuck. Roxas's hips bucked forward in immediate response.

“Fuck, yes,” Axel almost purred against his lips, breaking away to attack his throat. Roxas's breath caught, having had no scope for how sensitive he would be but feeling like he’d been electrified. Ghosting his lips down, Axel nipped him every time he thought it might make him twitch.

Roxas choked and pulled his head down closer. Axel had accidentally bitten down and it was too little and too much -

“Ah -”

Axel hummed, burying his lips against that spot. Roxas pressed down on Axel steadily, right to the point of grinding against him, and only then did Axel really notice how hot things had become.

He wanted more. So they had to stop.

As though he was able to predict what Axel was about to say, Roxas cupped his face in his hands and pulled him up into another kiss, maintaining it for as long as he could. Several times, Axel was about to pull away before letting himself be drawn back in.

When he finally did part the kiss, he didn't let go of Roxas's lower lip right away. Deeply flushed and eyes lowered, Roxas made to follow his mouth.

“We have to go,” Axel panted. At some point, he'd forgotten how breathing worked.

Reluctantly, Roxas took his hands away to drag them down his face. “Yeah...”

“... We won't talk 'bout this. Or, we don't have to.”

“Great, thanks.” Roxas shifted back off of him with a hiss. Axel decided not to say anything about how clearly turned on Roxas was or how appealing he found that, kind of regretting that he'd already taken any discussion off the table.

They got up and climbed out of the closet carefully, making no noise just in case anyone was still around. Roxas's legs buckled at his first attempt to stand, prompting Axel to put a supportive hand on his back. Though his first instinct was to shove Axel off, Roxas opted to just ignore him instead.

He'd go home. Zack had said he was allowed to take a taxi, but he'd walk long enough to sober up. He wasn't going to mention it to Axel – he could find his own way home.

In passing, he noticed how swollen Axel's lips were, almost bruised. His own still twinged.

Roxas thought he'd have to try to distract himself to calm down, thought he'd be trying to justify what they did now that he wasn't in the moment. As it was, the only thing in his head the whole way home was incessant, terrible white noise.


	13. Chapter 13

The new semester meant new morning classes. No more Math.

For most freshmen in Roxas's class, that came as a relief, but he was something of an anomaly. As it worked out, none of his morning classes were with Namine, which left him with no choice but to wait until lunch to find out whether or not their friendship had withstood the test of misunderstandings.

She was easy to find. Namine found a corner by the cafeteria windows to sit at, her lunch tray and sketchbook both before her. She was drawing idly and sipping her milk through a straw, largely ignoring her macaroni. After grabbing caffeine out of the vending machine and nothing else, Roxas started to make his way over.

He'd only considered for a second that he might not automatically be welcome. He was too tired and defeated without a safe person to sit with. Fortune favored him in one respect, at least; as he approached, Namine lifted her head and gave him a shy smile.

No cold shoulder, no tears, no yelling. Not that he'd ever heard Namine yell, but he hadn't ruled it out as a possibility.

“... Hey.” He didn't know what else to say. Roxas took the seat across from her tentatively.

“Happy birthday,” Namine greeted genially. “I know I'm a week late – I made you a card, but it's upstairs in my locker.”

“Oh -” Stammering over noises, Roxas stopped himself from talking lest he look like any more of an idiot. Collecting himself, he opened his Coke and gave her his attempt at a smile. “You didn't have to... Thanks.”

“You look tan,” Namine noted, smiling. “I was worried you'd forget sunscreen. How was your trip?”

Roxas was further thrown off by the comment. “Do I? I didn't think there was much difference...”

“It's subtle, but it's there.”

“Huh.” Roxas took a drink. Conversation wasn't uncomfortable, but he still didn't really know what he wanted to say.

“So... your vacation was okay?”

“Yeah, fine. Not much to say, to be honest,” he lied. “Did you get the thing I sent you?”

“I did.” Namine was still smiling, but it was a little troubled, sensing that _something_ was off. “Thank you.”

“I hope it was the right thing. I remember you saying something about Jessie one time, and you love Toy Story...”

“You were right, I love her,” Namine reassured him, tilting her head. “... Is everything okay?”

Roxas's stomach tightened. “Yeah. I mean, it wasn't how I wanted to spend my vacation, but -”

“Something happened.”

This was the reason people found Namine a little alarming. He was unnerved, himself. “No. Axel nearly blew himself up and got us grounded for a day, but...”

Namine seemed to gaze right through him, pensive. “... Mm...”

“What?” Roxas shrank slightly.

“Just... If something's changed, you can always talk to me.”

“... Yeah, I know that. If something happened...”

Namine nodded. “... Okay.”

If he were smart, he'd change the topic.

But he couldn't actually come up with a new one, so... “Why do you think that?”

“It seems like...” Namine trailed off, trying to put a finger on the feeling she was getting. “Something is different. About you.”

“Just... stress, probably,” Roxas replied, hoping that was a good enough answer. It wasn't _un_ true. “How was your break?”

Either she'd bought it or she was allowing him to divert her. “Quiet, mostly.”

“That's good, right?”

“Oh, yes!” she reassured him. “Marluxia wasn't around very much.”

“That's a relief. I was worried about you...”

“I'm okay.” Namine appraised him quickly and pressed, despite herself. “Are you sure everything's alright, though? With Axel?”

She knew everything. She'd found out somehow. The entire school knew and the news was on his way back to his dad via carrier pigeon -

Okay, calm down, he was being ridiculous. Roxas tried to sound nonchalant. “Why are you asking about Axel now?”

“I figured if anything was bothering you, it'd be Axel.”

The pressure on his lungs alleviated. “Well. Yeah, he's usually bothering me.”

“Did he do something else?” Namine inquired, concern etched through her brow.

“Not really. We ended up stuck together a lot – I mean, like sitting together.” Not in a closet. “On the plane and in the hotel and stuff. We sort of agreed on a truce.”

“That's good,” Namine blinked, surprised. “That seems like an improvement.”

“It's not making things worse,” Roxas amended.

“What _is_ it making it?”

He shrugged. “Nothing.”

That only seemed to confuse her, and she shook her head. “But if it isn't making things better _or_ worse, but something about Axel is bothering you...”

“I don't have to _like_ him to make peace with him,” Roxas defended.

“I didn't think that was the case... It's just odd.”

“How so?”

“If you're at a truce and he hasn't done anything in particular to upset you... If doesn't make very much sense that he's bothering you,” she pointed out. “You're used to not liking him.”

“... Guess I just don't have much patience for him.” He really badly wanted to get away from this subject before she saw right through him. “So, Namine...”

“Mhm?”

Roxas desperately sought another topic and said the first thing to spring to mind. “I know we weren't actually-... but since that happened, have you seen anyone?”

Namine went pink. “No.”

“Is there anyone you _want_ to...?”

Her blush deepened. He felt a little bad for embarrassing her, wondering if he'd crossed a line.

“Sorry, you don't have to answer that.”

“It's okay... It doesn't really matter,” Namine dismissed. “She doesn't go to this school... It's just a childhood crush I guess I've never given up on. That's probably really dumb...”

“Oh,” Roxas said blankly. “So you liked this girl the whole time?”

Namine nodded.

“... I really am an asshole,” he sighed.

“No – don't feel bad, it was just a misunderstanding...”

Roxas grumbled an agreement into his palms, having buried his face against them.

“And I made a mistake, I assumed you were-... So, we just never talked about it...”

He _really_ didn't need the reminder as to what she'd assumed he was. “Yeah. You know, you can talk to me about your stuff. I don't mind...”

“There isn't really very much to say...”

“Just so you know.” Roxas looked down at the table.

“... Thank you.” Namine was quiet for a moment, before she said, “Her name is Kairi.”

Glad to be distracted, Roxas lifted his head. “I think I remember that name.”

“We went to the same grade school,” Namine explained. “She was always really sweet... and she stood up for me, because I didn't really have any friends.”

“But she doesn't go here...”

“No. She moved away before middle school. I haven't even seen her in a really long time.”

“Ah... that's... Sorry about that.”

“It's dumb, isn't it,” Namine tried to make light of it.

“I don't know if it is or it isn't... People hang onto stuff like that.”

“I do, at least,” she murmured. “... You'll find someone, you know.”

Roxas raised an eyebrow. “I'm not exactly looking right now.”

“After our, um... break-up, though... I thought it might help to hear.”

“You don't have to call it that.”

Namine sipped her milk, and Roxas drank his Coke.

She still wasn't convinced that something hadn't changed.

 

* * *

 

Wedding preparations were harder to arrange between everyone's schedules, particularly since Zack was now involved in a lot of overtime; a privatized military had an incredible amount of paperwork to go through. He'd managed to find the time to pick out tuxedos, though, and their Saturday was thereby dedicated to fittings. According to the tailor, they would all need at least two, so there wasn't any time to lose.

Especially since formal wear _never_ fit Roxas. He'd only been forced into suits a couple of times in his life, and he knew they were always too baggy or too tight or too _something_.

Axel had faced similar problems when it came to fitting pants on him, and was fully prepared to be bored out of his mind. Even Ven didn't seem terribly interested in this process, which meant that the only person looking at all forward to this was Aerith, who was eager to see the men in her life all dressed up.

“They're going to charge you extra, trying to fit my skinny limbs,” Axel warned.

“Oh, shush. You'd rather have a tux that fits, wouldn't you?”

Axel would have preferred no tux at all. “Is it too late for a nudist wedding?”

For a split-second, Zack couldn't help considering the question. Aerith wisely decided not to take the bait.

“Why can't we just wear the nice clothes we have?” Roxas groused.

“Neither of you have any nice clothes that fit, anymore,” Zack reminded him. “Come on...”

“Buying a new dress shirt would be cheaper,” Roxas mumbled, following his father into the bridal shop. Ven followed with his face buried in his phone, distracting himself from a lack of eagerness by texting.

“It's our wedding,” Zack gave them all a warning look, lingering on Axel, who was mid-sigh. “Can we keep the complaints minimal?”

Axel merely shut his mouth and looked away, leaving Roxas to give an answering, “Yes, Dad...”

Aerith went to speak to the clerk about their fitting appointment, leaving them all to wait and look around. Ven's admiration was caught by the display dress, while Axel browsed with a complete lack of interest.

“It's back this way, boys,” Aerith waved them forward. Axel reluctantly gravitated towards her.

“Can I swap my suit for leather? Leather is fancy.”

Roxas desperately willed his brain not to take that image anywhere. He grabbed Ven's arm to steer him, following the procession.

“I think you'd overheat,” Zack rebutted. Honestly, he was sympathetic to the lack of enthusiasm; if it weren't his own wedding, he wouldn't have been eager either. “You boys can just sit for the moment... Am I up first?”

“Yes, yours first. They'll let you know when to start changing, Axel.”

“Hooray...”

Axel dropped onto the cushioned bench with an affirmative grunt. Ven sat and immediately got his phone back out, much to Roxas's envy. He wished he had an ongoing text conversation to distract him.

He'd have also settled for somewhere else to sit. Roxas took a spot at the very edge of the bench.

With a pause in his long-distance communications, Ven raised his head and directed a question at Aerith. “So we're all wearing the same one?”

“That's right,” she confirmed. “You and Roxas will go last since your measurements should be about the same.”

“Ohh.”

Both in the midst of looking around in vain, Axel and Roxas accidentally caught each other's eye. Startled, Roxas quickly looked away, but Axel managed to avoid that knee-jerk reaction and felt accordingly superior for it.

If they could've just avoided each other for the rest of forever, this would be so much simpler...

Zack came out of the dressing room minutes later, moving as the tailor directed him. Legs extended and sitting back on his hands, Axel indulged in a once-over and murmured under his breath, “Not bad.”

Only Roxas heard him. He gave Axel a narrow-eyed look, which went unacknowledged until Aerith was obviously not paying attention.

Giving Roxas a challenging look, Axel sat up straighter and checked Zack out more obviously this time, watching him get his inseam measured. Roxas muffled a sound of disgust, looking away.

That was his _dad_ , for fuck's sake...

Really, the only reason he'd done it was to freak Roxas out, and Axel could tell he'd succeeded. He stifled a laugh, tempting Roxas to hit him for it.

“This is you, honey,” Aerith turned back and reached for Axel's arm as the tailor's assistant came out with a second tux.

“Oh, yay.” Getting up, Axel started to strip off his shirt before he'd even reached the changing booth. Aerith sighed, briefly concealing her eyes in embarrassment, but at least she had the luxury of doing so.

All of Roxas's focus went to _not_ looking at him.

Laughing and joking with the tailor, Zack looked back to Aerith, pleased to be done. “Seal of approval?”

“That's safe to say,” she smiled.

“Do we have to get ties that match dresses or something?” Roxas asked, desperate enough to think of _something else_ to show interest. “That's a thing, right?”

“Those have been picked out – right?” Zack carefully shrugged off the tuxedo jacket, aided by the tailor.

“We-ell... Dresses, yes.”

“Should we pick out the rest of the outfits today?”

The curtain to the change room was swept aside, and Axel stepped out with his shirt not done up and vest still open, holding a cummerbund. “Mom, I have no idea what this is,” he interrupted.

Roxas's eyes flickered his way. He regretted it immediately.

Aerith shook her head as she stood up. “Do you still need me to dress you?”

“Just tell me what this is for.”

“It goes over your waist. On top of the shirt.”

“That makes so much more sense than what I was thinking...” Axel ducked back into his change room. Aerith opened her mouth briefly, but decided not to ask.

“I'll get back into civilian clothing,” Zack announced, turning towards the first change room. Aerith grinned, fond of his choice of words.

“I suppose I can wait.”

Ven, not paying attention, chuckled at something Terra had texted him. Between parental flirting, his brother's foolish grin, and _Axel_ , Roxas was starting to consider this the worst day of his life.

The curtain was pulled aside again, and Axel stepped out fully dressed, this time.

Aerith practically cooed. “That's much better.”

“I feel ridiculous,” he complained.

“You look so nice, though. I mean, after it's taken in a bit...”

“I'm swimming in this.” Axel went where he was directed with a roll of his eyes, going still to allow the tailor to starting taking in the jacket.

“The legs look a little short, though... Are those too short?”

“Probably.”

Aerith began discussing with the tailor how much the hems could be lowered, and in boredom, Axel started watching the twins in the full-wall mirror.

Unaware he was being watched, Roxas let himself be more comfortable looking at Axel in clothes that barely fit. His eyes briefly scanned his body, unconsciously comparing the bulk of the shirt and jacket to the actual lines of his long torso.

By the time he'd realized how long his gaze had lingered, Axel was smirking. Roxas slumped over his legs, feeling almost sick.

He hated this. He hated that everything was a reminder of how _good_ Axel's mouth had felt, how hot his hands were, and his body...

Axel's focus had zeroed in on Roxas's frown, closely concentrating on his lips. He had to think of something else, though, lest he get a boner while his _mom_ was watching -

“I think they want you to start getting changed,” Aerith prompted Roxas minutes later. Zack had rejoined them, and the assistant had another tuxedo in his arms. Accepting it, Roxas reluctantly got to his feet and almost curled around the protective bag, shuffling over to the change room. He closed the curtain, put the bag carelessly on the provided bench, and closed his eyes.

This would be over soon.

Stripping off his jeans, Roxas threw them over the side of the booth.

Axel's slacks had been declared a lost cause, back outside, and Aerith was becoming resigned to the fact that another fitting would have to be scheduled for new ones. He trudged over to the change room and began to remove his pinned shirt with an explosive sigh.

Roxas froze, attuned to his voice. … No, he was _not_ going to think about Axel changing. He shook his head firmly, took a steadying breath, and began putting on the dress pants he'd been provided with.

Axel's pants were thrown onto the side of the stall, making Roxas jump.

… God, or whatever cosmic force existed, what would it take for all of this to just _go away?_

He could hear the zip of Axel's jeans and the pull of the curtain again, and knowing he was fully dressed again didn't make anything better. Roxas tried to get the rest of the tux on expediently but wound up buttoning the shirt up incorrectly.

Axel took a seat on the bench again. “So does only the bride get a veil?”

“Yes, in this case. Why?”

“I think I'd look good in one,” Axel replied, but before anything more could be said, he started to laugh. Roxas had left the dressing room wearing a scowl, the tux jacket so low that it brushed his thighs and the pants' hem bunched around his ankles.

Roxas had expected Axel to laugh, but he shot Ven a look to let him know his days were numbered, as his twin was also snickering behind a hand.

“Oh, it's...” Aerith fought for something to say. “Well, they'll get it to fit...”

“... Should we get a size down, d'you think?” Zack suggested.

“We might have to...”

Roxas reddened, annoyance only exacerbated.

“Sorry, Rox, head back in there and we'll get a size down...”

“Fine...” Roxas tugged the waist up and trudged back into the dressing room, cheeks and ears burning. He heard Ven note that at least they knew he'd need a size down now, too, and felt a bitter stab of resentment.

He hadn't needed any further proof that this wedding was his curse, but there it fucking was. Once again, he bore the brunt of humiliation while everyone else played 'happy family'.

 


	14. Chapter 14

Three-fifths of the family pulled out of the driveway on their way to a Saturday night movie. It had been Zack's idea following their tux fittings, though his original plans had included everyone.

Sadly, surly attitudes and sarcastic cheap shots had been a theme over dinner, and it was decided that it might be for the best if Axel and Roxas stayed home to take care of the dishes.

Roxas had technically been assigned to drying, but he didn't intend on staying if Axel wanted him gone as badly as he wanted to retreat. He took the towel off the rack and shuffled into the kitchen, praying that he'd be told to fuck off.

The only thing worse than being stuck with chores was to be stuck with them alone, in Axel's philosophy, so Roxas had no such luck. Staring at the sink as it filled up, Axel drawled dully, “What d'you think, wet t-shirt contest?”

Roxas ignored that. “Do you want me to dry or what?”

“I'd rather you wash.”

“Fine,” Roxas scowled, dispirited. “Switch spots with me, then.”

He tried to hand the towel over only for Axel to snatch it from his hands. With an irritated huff, Roxas shut off the water and grabbed the first plate to dunk into the suds.

Axel leaned against the counter, watching Roxas from the corner of his eye as he scrubbed vigorously.

“So good with your hands,” he teased with a purr.

Roxas shoved a dripping plate at him. “Don't start.”

“If you'd let me, you'd be telling me not to stop, instead.”

Giving him a harsh glare, Roxas opted not to answer and started scrubbing out a glass.

Absently, Axel dried off the plate and placed it on the rack, snickering. “The glower's kinda sexy.”

“Seriously, shut up.”

“Make me.”

The next wet plate slapped Axel in the chest.

“You could've broken that,” Axel pointed out, taking it to dry. He was moving around the kitchen to put dishes away, now, mostly to avoid taking another ceramic object to the rib cage. “You're taking this way too personally. No one's _home_ , nothing I say counts.”

“'Counts'? Why does that matter?” Roxas demanded.

“Because no one's gonna think you're gay if I'm hitting on you in an empty house.”

“Why do you have to hit on me in the first place?”

“Because you're hot and I like your attitude. When you aren't pissing me off,” Axel amended.

Roxas abandoned the suds, turning towards him with narrow eyes. “Ignoring the massive factor at work here?”

“What factor?”

He gestured to the kitchen at large. “Why we're stuck doing this together in the first place?”

Axel shrugged dismissively. “They're not married yet.”

“They're about three months from it.”

“But they still _aren't_. Hitting on you isn't wrong 'til it's in writing,” Axel smirked.

“That's the weakest excuse I've ever heard.”

“Look,” Axel started, “as long as they're not married yet, and there's no one around, we're in limbo. No one's gonna know _anything_ we do. We could make out in a closet and no one would be the wiser.”

The jab landed, and Roxas reddened. “Fuck off.”

“I'm not wrong, am I?”

Both hands gripped the edge of the counter. Roxas sighed. “Look, I think this is just... tension. Weird stuff happens to people when there's upheaval in their family.”

Axel raised an eyebrow. “You think _sexual_ tension happens from family upheaval?”

“ _Step_ family, maybe. Maybe no one talks about it, how should I know?” Roxas shot at him. “I've never done this before.”

“Then maybe you're right. This probably will just clear up on its own,” Axel snorted.

“What's your suggestion then, genius?”

“I could suggest plenty. Want to know what else my mouth's good for?”

Roxas swallowed. “You're not serious.”

“Why not?” Axel purred. “Like I said... No one would know.”

“You're trying to mess with me.”

Axel only smirked in response. Roxas took a sharp step back.

“Don't _do_ that!” There was desperation in his voice now, edging on a sob.

Laughing, Axel admitted in a low tone, “I'm _half_ serious.”

The dishes were completely forgotten, now. Roxas was was too deeply impacted by his voice being _like_ that. “Well, be serious or don't be. This is fucking with my head enough as it is,” he seethed, and went to stalk past him towards the living room.

Axel hid his surprise well. He dropped the towel on the counter. “Fine. I'm serious.”

Roxas paused in the doorway , and took a deep breath. “You had better be. If you're going to turn this around on me and laugh in my face...”

“In theory, I should be way too occupied for that, anyway.” Axel took a cautious step towards him. “Do you actually want to -?”

“I don't know. Doing whatever we were doing because there's no consequences, that's one thing, but I can't _be_ this... I can't drag this up again...”

Axel glanced away. “'This' doesn't make you anything. It's just fucking around... Clearing the tension.”

“... And then we just go on being supposedly brothers when your mom marries my dad?” Roxas clarified.

“Yeah. Pretty much.”

“You think that'll work?”

“Best idea I've got.”

Roxas exhaled. The alternative would be... more of this. The denial and the avoidance and the horrible awkward expectation. “It's something...”

Axel wasn't entirely sure what conclusion they'd reached. “So...”

“I don't know how this starts,” Roxas confessed, “or what you're even suggesting, exactly...”

“... We could make out. We're good at that.” Approaching, Axel tugged Roxas back towards the counters, to his surprise but not resistance. “Kind of improvise, from there. You say stop, and we stop.”

It actually felt... better, doing this in the kitchen. It felt less personal than a bedroom. “... Sure.”

Axel grinned. “If you want more, you can tell me that, too,” he told him, leaning in once he had Roxas backed against a counter.

He kissed him firmly, nothing about Axel anything less than bold, and Roxas closed his eyes and let a wave of heat rush over him. He was clumsier and more hesitant than he was when he'd been drunk, which Axel noted before easing up in response.

Roxas wasn't sure how to take that, but he couldn't deny that it was easier to adjust to a less-intense pace. He needed to do something with his hands, he thought – he rested them on Axel's hips, unconsciously pulling himself first to his full height and then onto his toes just to keep up.

As tempted as Axel was to part Roxas's lips, he thought he should keep things slow at this stage. Instead he let his focus wander, smoothing blonde hair and admiring the shade. Getting into the rhythm, Roxas breathed heavily when he could and leaned into Axel's hand, experimentally using his hold to tug his hips even closer.

Everything was starting to tingle with warmth. Gradually, Roxas understood that he could get more of that feeling from parting his lips, much to Axel's approval. They were both being mindful of the noises they made, like they were hiding in a closet all over again, but Roxas couldn't help the audible hitches every time their lips parted enough for sound to escape.

After a moment of brushing his tongue lightly along Roxas's lips, Axel prompted, “Hey... sit up on the counter.”

Roxas kept his eyes closed a moment longer to linger on the feeling his tongue left behind. “That's kind of...” he started, but never made it to the word he was trying to think of. He let go of Axel's hips to feel around for the counter's edge.

“You'll like the angle better, trust me...” Axel's hands slid down him, and Roxas was certain they'd somehow gotten hotter. He hoisted himself up, and this time Axel had to be the one to tilt his head back to reach Roxas's lips.

He was right. Roxas kind of liked being above him, like this. His hands had nowhere to go but the back of Axel's neck though, and he found a grip there in the roots of his hair. Axel's hands were running up and down his legs, which Roxas hadn't parted to let him any closer yet.

The kiss was coaxed deeper and nerves tightened Roxas's fingers. The first hint of a pull made Axel groan in approval, and the sound was pure heat – Roxas's inhale was more like a gasp when he broke the contact a little, Axel following his lips and nipping lightly.

“Nn...” Roxas got a firmer grip at the base of his skull. Axel breathed out a curse and kissed him properly again, the spike of heat unidentifiable to Roxas's inexperience. Still, he was gaining confidence and eagerness with every moan he drew out of him, and tried to pull Axel closer without realizing it was his own knees getting in the way. Axel let himself be pulled until he realized what Roxas was trying to accomplish, and tried to prompt his legs apart.

The slide of their lips stuttered as Roxas balked.

“S'fine,” Axel muttered against his mouth, nipping him again. “Nothing funny...”

The combination of his teeth and his voice was hard to resist. Roxas slid forward on the counter slightly and opened his legs just wide enough to flank Axel, allowing him to shift closer and kiss him deeper.

“Mm,” Axel hummed, muffled, and placed his hands on Roxas's hips to massage them lightly. Experimenting, Roxas nipped him back – perhaps harder than necessary, but he didn't have a sense for what was 'too much' yet. Axel didn't seem to mind, his grip tightened and his groan more pronounced.

Pleased with himself, Roxas made a mental note that Axel liked that, without thinking about why he'd want to note something like that.

Parting from his lips, Axel took a moment to taste and bite his throat lightly, too softly to leave a mark, and then came back to his lips. With a shiver, Roxas practically launched himself back into it, heating up and starting to feel _restless_ when Axel's hands roamed.

He wanted to do something else, but couldn’t think just then what 'else' there was.

Axel broke away before he could get too carried away, voice rougher with breathlessness. “Can I touch you?”

Roxas swallowed hard, having trouble remembering how to form words. “How? Where?”

“Whatever you're cool with? Preferably under clothes, but... I can work with whatever.”

He didn't know what he was okay with. Or, Roxas didn't know where he _should_ be okay with. “How 'bout you just try something and I'll tell you if I don't want to.”

“Cool with me,” Axel agreed, hands tracing the hem of his shirt and slipping up underneath it. Not wanting to be left with nothing to do but respond, Roxas pulled him into another kiss and put more force into it, trying to claim _some_ control. He didn't get much of a chance to dominate, though, as Axel took his vigor as an invitation to take more from the kiss. Feeling up his chest, he sucked at his lip and grazed his nipples with slow intent.

“Mn -”

The touch broke the ferocity of the kiss. One hand lingered now that Axel felt it was welcome, the other sliding back out to run up into Roxas's hair again. Tingling where his hands had been, Roxas accidentally broke the kiss as he arched into his palm with a groan, and Axel went for his throat rather than let himself pause.

Leaning to allow that, Roxas regained his grip on Axel's neck and became more controlling, directing him, which Axel was only too happy to allow. He purred against his skin and let Roxas show him where to go, scraping his teeth lightly and sucking.

Roxas had only the most distant memory of the sensitive spots Axel had found before, but he wanted him _there_ and _now_. His breath died in his throat when Axel found one, gripping a handful of Axel's shirt.

He wished Axel wouldn't be so gentle. He was aware that being rougher might leave evidence, but he just... didn't care, right then.

Axel responded as well as he could to the demanding pull. He bit down gently, teasing with his tongue and moaning against his throat, the hand up his shirt trailing down and squeezing Roxas's thigh.

Automatically, Roxas tensed.

“You good?” Axel murmured.

“Yeah, I'm-... I think. You?”

“Yeah...”

Roxas meant to say something more, but as Axel kissed a trail up towards his jaw, all that came out was a blissful sigh. He was pleasantly hot, nerves building as quickly as arousal, and Axel's hand was moving slowly over his thigh without a real destination in mind.

His own hands were starting to feel useless. Roxas didn't have the room to do much than pull up on Axel's shirt.

Axel paused. “What, d'you want to take it off?”

That hadn't been his intention, or his thought process, but it seemed dumb to say no. “Uh... I guess so...”

“Really?” Surprised, Axel drew back a little to allow the removal of his shirt.

Roxas wasn't actually certain he wanted Axel stripped, but he guessed that he'd get to leech more of his warmth in direct contact with his skin. Thus, he nodded and pulled at the hem. “Sure. That, uh, okay?”

The shirt was dropped carelessly on the kitchen floor. Axel braced his hands on either side of Roxas. “Yeah. Did you do that to see me shirtless, or was that an impulse thing?”

“Impulse, pretty much.” Roxas glanced up at his face.

“Cool.” Axel was searching his expression, and then he was kissing him again. Having turned pink under his gaze, Roxas was relieved to have it broken, hands skimming up his sides.

The pause had reset them a little, slowed them back down. Axel wound an arm around his waist and Roxas slid closer, partway off the counter and needing to press his legs against Axel's sides for support.

It was sensual, intimate, and Axel was suddenly struck by how much the kiss felt that way. For a split second, he wanted to stop, but he ignored the impulse.

Roxas was starting to get a nagging urge to speed things up, get things back up to the level of intensity where he was too overwhelmed to think.

Taking his lower lip between his teeth, Axel guided one of Roxas's hands up into his hair again. Initially, Roxas tensed as though to pull away until he understood what he was being asked to do.

Axel moaned when fingers wound around the roots of his hair again. That was more like it – now he was glad he hadn't called this off.

Using the grip to anchor himself, Roxas tilted his head to an angle he could better work with and braced with his legs. He picked up on the control he had almost too late, but when he realized the submissive state Axel had briefly slipped into, he wanted to _work_ with it. He gave a short, harsh suck and leaned over Axel even more, wanting to make him tilt his head right back -

He pulled back abruptly at the jarring feeling of losing contact with the counter.

“Mn – shit -” Axel grabbed his hips to steady him.

Surprising himself, Roxas almost laughed as he steadied himself on Axel's shoulder, not yet letting go of his hair. Axel grinned.

“Uh, you still good on the counter?”

“Yeah, just got to be mindful of the edge...”

Helping him slide back, an inadvertent tug at his hair made Axel purr, and Roxas chose not to let up on it out of curiosity. Axel tilted his head into it.

“That's... Fuck, you're gonna have to stop that...”

Roxas let go as though burned. “So that's a thing for you...?”

“A good thing, yeah,” Axel exhaled. He was kind of disappointed that he'd actually stopped.

“Huh.” Roxas, on the other hand, was all the more confused as to why he shouldn't keep going.

“I mean, keep doing it if you want to, just don't freak out if I get hard.” Axel was halfway there already.

“... Oh. Right.”

Roxas looked vaguely uncomfortable, and it was with regret that Axel inquired, “Wanna stop?”

“Dunno. You?”

“... I feel like we should. Before this gets more intense.”

“Yeah, should do that,” Roxas agreed, unsure how to feel. Axel stole one last quick kiss.

“... Is the tension clear?”

“Guess we'll find out,” Roxas said, sliding down off the counter. Being on his feet called attention to how shaky his legs felt, how hard he'd also gotten.

Axel turned, going to pick his shirt up off the floor to redress. “Shit, uh... We should finish the dishes.”

“Oh, yeah,” Roxas groaned at the reminder. “That's great.”

“C'mon,” Axel prompted, picking up the towel. Roxas returned to the scrub brush, eyes down.

They were both still tingling all over.


	15. Chapter 15

For some reason, wedding preparations had become the new 'family activity'. Whether they were looking over the flower arrangements after school, going to the hotel whose ballroom they'd rented for the ceremony, or testing out a couple of restaurants so they could nail down the catering.

At least tonight's escapade involved dessert.

“So our samples are classic chocolate, black forest, red velvet, a chocolate souffle cake, and fudge cake,” Zack listed off. “Creamy vanilla frosting so we don't completely overdo it with the chocolate.”

“No such thing,” Axel announced, putting one of the square samples into his mouth. He was already leaning towards the red velvet.

Roxas felt differently, but didn't say so. He actually wished they'd provided some alternate options – there wasn't an assortment of _vanilla_ cakes, so if they'd gone that route, this wouldn't even be another decision to make atop the mountain of choices they already had. He nibbled at the fudge cake in silence.

“The souffle may be too light if the cake has to keep,” Aerith mused, delicately dabbing her mouth with a napkin.

Ven swallowed his mouthful of chocolate sponge cake. “It has to keep? We're having old cake?”

“Wedding cakes have to be made in advance,” Aerith told him. “The decorating process can take a long time.”

This knowledge gave Ven very brief pause, but he seemed to conclude that all cake was good cake as he popped a piece of the classic chocolate into his mouth.

“If you want my opinion, I'd go for the red velvet,” Axel put forth. “Delicious _and_ less likely to kill someone with chocolate overdose.”

“Maybe, but this is a very good regular chocolate cake,” Aerith mused. “Not too dense, not too light...”

“Less likely to clash with the pink roses,” Zack contributed. “There's going to be a lot of pink with the frosting.”

“Oh, that's a good point...”

Axel shrugged and took the last piece of red velvet, designated for Roxas but not about to be taken. If he noticed, Roxas didn't say anything.

“Have you made your decision?” The baker, who had been hovering around them from behind the counter, interjected with a smile.

“We may need to give it a little more thought,” Zack pondered, a little sheepish. “You said we could also place the order over the phone?”

“That's right,” she nodded promptly. “I'll be happy to take the order at any time.”

“Fantastic, thank you.” Zack looked to his sons and family-to-be. “We should finish up these samples before we get back in the car.”

Ven, ever the dutiful son, obligingly put a whole piece of the fudge cake in his mouth, effectively rendering himself mute for the next minute. Roxas finished off his piece, his eyes having briefly lingered on Axel's tongue as it swept over his lips.

It had been a week since they'd 'cleared the tension'. The tension, however, was as present as ever, now complete with memories and phantom sensations.

 

* * *

 

 

Axel was a... recurring feature in his dreams, lately. It had a lot to do with the fact that Roxas often went to sleep thinking about him in some form or another; sometimes the thoughts were violent, sometimes they were despairing. The dreams themselves always varied, but Axel's presence was kind of inevitable.

Tonight, though, Roxas had been drifting in and out of sleep for a little over an hour, and the presence of reality gave an unwelcome dimension to his dreams. Jolted out of sleep by the throb between his legs, Roxas sat up and stared blankly ahead, dazed.

He wasn't so sure that he was really awake, but he _did_ know that he was hard. Cringing, Roxas slowly hauled himself up and dragged a hand down his face.

There was only one thing he could think to do. If he'd been one hundred percent certain he was conscious, it wouldn't have even occurred to him... but as it was, everything had taken on a hazy tinge of non-reality.

Opening the door seemed too loud for the hour. It didn't even creak, but the subtle swing of it was still like a thunderclap to Roxas's sluggish brain. Bleary-eyed, he miraculously found his way to Axel's door in near silence, groping and struggling with the doorknob.

Axel was typically awake at this hour partaking in one of two pastimes – reading, or watching porn. It happened to be a night of the former as he was unusually engrossed in his English homework, one headphone in even though his music had been paused hours ago. The dull scrambling at his door may as well have been someone outright knocking.

Perplexed, Axel set down the book and his headphones and went to open the door. Out of everything he expected – mostly a confused Pluto pawing at the door, somehow mistaking Axel's room for Ven's – he did _not_ think it'd be Roxas at the door.

“... What're you doing?” he found his voice, but mindfully kept it low.

Roxas's eyes were only half-open, and he was too spaced out to come up with a coherent explanation. Instead, he pushed Axel back into his room with his own body.

Confusion aside, Axel was starting to like this. “Uh...”

“You're still awake,” Roxas mumbled, getting them in past the door. He pressed closer, and the situation between his legs met Axel's thigh. His eyes widened.

“... Yeah... And you're _up_...”

“Yeah... kinda woke up like this,” Roxas replied distantly. Axel reached over his shoulder to close the door quietly.

“What d'you want me to do about it?” It sounded more like an offer than a question.

Roxas sounded somewhat drunk on exhaustion. “You're the one who knows...”

“You're sure to want to -? I mean... People could wake up...”

“I'll be quiet,” he whispered dismissively.

Axel's internal debate didn't take long before he was steering Roxas towards the bed. “Awesome. Tell me if you want to stop.”

“'Kay...” Roxas was starting to wake up, but the part of his brain that would normally think through the consequences had apparently never achieved consciousness.

Moving over his hips, Axel straddling him and leaned down to kiss him deeply, a hand running down his chest. Roxas was briefly too stunned to respond; he'd gotten used to doing this more on level with him, and hadn't been adequately prepared for being... mounted.

When he didn't kiss back, Axel pulled away.

“Sorry,” Roxas shook his head.

“You sure about this?”

Roxas sat up enough to throw an arm around his neck. “Shut up.”

Axel let himself be pulled down, trying to start off slower until he remembered Roxas's cock was pressing up into him. At least Roxas was returning the kiss this time, almost lazy about it, but Axel didn't mind. He put a hand on Roxas's hip and kneaded, sending something like a chill up from Roxas's groin to his chest. He nipped Axel lightly in protest, anticipating more.

He didn't want teasing or foreplay. He wanted Axel to get him off.

One hand began to slip on his thigh, fingertips brushing Roxas's erection, and some doubt made itself unpleasantly known. Anxiety spiked alongside the heat that bloomed from his touch.

“Shit -”

Now that there was a possibility of an orgasm, Axel sounded more heated. “I don't have to, I could just let you grind on me until you come, but I'd rather actually _touch_...”

“Should probably just... go for it,” Roxas urged.

His pause was momentary, and then Axel had cupped his erection, massaging through his sleepwear. The embarrassing strangled sound that came out of Roxas was mercifully quiet, but Axel still kissed him so as to muffle him more.

Axel was starting to work his pants down out of the way to get a hand around his cock. At odds with himself, Roxas still backed up to help slide them off, nearly trembling.

His strokes were light and his kisses were hungry. At least one of those things was familiar.

Roxas got into the rhythm of kissing him, breath stuttering and wanting not to take as much from the too-hot hand as he was. Axel was slow in his strokes, wanting lube or lotion to make it easier but not pulling away just yet.

Of course, he did have another idea. Roxas might not go for it, but...

His mouth started to rove lower, and Roxas tilted his head, assuming he was going for his throat again. Axel felt it'd be rude to decline the invitation and took his time there, seeking out that sensitive spot that Roxas seemed to like.

“ _Nn_...” The hand at Axel's neck worked up into his hair, much to Axel's audible approval. He was starting to shift a little lower, though, and Roxas reflexively pulled back with a questioning sound.

“Just trust me... You wanna get off? I can do it pretty quick.”

Slowly, Roxas let go of his hair to let Axel descend. He was admittedly curious. What kind of fifteen year old guy _wouldn’t_ be?

Hiking his shirt up, Axel trailed his mouth down over skin but settled between his legs, giving Roxas a slow lick from base to tip. Roxas bit down on his tongue, moan much quieter for it – the thrill gripped him and sent electric tingles of pleasure up his body, but he was suddenly cold. It wasn't like before, wasn't warm or comfortable -

Axel had started to swallow him down slowly and Roxas's panic mounted to a boiling point.

“Whoa, stop -” Sitting up, he pressed at Axel.

Immediately drawing back, Axel licked his lips and regained his bearings. “Too much?”

“Yeah, no... I can't.”

“You wanna _stop_ , or...?”

“Not really... still, maybe I should just deal with it myself...”

“I can still help, if you want,” Axel offered, shrugging. “Could fall back on making out, that seems to work for us.”

“... I can do that.”

Sitting up, Axel hesitated. “Uh, how d'you want to position? You might be better off on top.”

“Think so, if that's good with you.”

In answer, Axel moved back to let Roxas climb over him. He had to spread his legs more than he was necessarily comfortable with to get over Axel's hips, but Axel had the grace not to look too obviously. He sat up and kissed Roxas, letting him set the pace.

He didn’t move slow. Despite his nerves, Roxas was still pent up. Their lips were crashing together, a hand sliding up Roxas's back, and this was better, this was familiar. Some of the tension bled away, spurring Roxas to seek relief.

Axel's hips had tilted to let Roxas grind against him, his own arousal stirred, and he went for the tingling friction without thinking that he was basically grinding his cock against Axel's through a very thin barrier.

His nails started to dig into Axel's shoulders.

“Oh fuck...”

The kisses were becoming aggressive, hips bucking and grinding against each other. Roxas's moans were soft but more breathless, more frequent, all additional stimulation just excessively hot now that he was getting pressure where he needed it. Axel's hands roved no lower than his waist, up into his hair as often as he liked.

Axel was almost fully hard now, which was beginning to become inconvenient; the tent in his pyjama pants gave Roxas less to push against, but he otherwise didn't care. It was an issue rectified when Axel pushed Roxas slightly to the side, giving him a spot against his hip to rub against.

The kiss broke, Roxas panting weakly. “Fuck...”

“You're actually...” Axel swallowed, straining to be quiet. “You're good, just keep going...”

His head fell forward, the jolt between Roxas's legs seeming random. “ _Ngh_...”

“Nn, c'mon...” Axel's grip accidentally tightened in his hair. “You came in here hard as fucking steel, you've gotta be close...”

“Yeah, I'm -...” Roxas was _this close_ to orgasm when another wave of panic washed through him at the thought of bringing himself off this way.

He pulled back, breaking the contact between them and leaving Axel without the plane of his hips to grind on.

“Fuck, don't -”

Roxas didn't go far, but still wasn't close enough to do Axel any favors. He slid a hand between them to stroke himself fast, closing his eyes and resting his head against Axel's shoulder, listening to his breathing.

He didn't last long. He only had to tighten his hand a little to put himself over the edge, and Roxas bit down on a shaky groan.

Frustrated with being left high and dry, Axel glimpsed the tail end of Roxas's orgasm but felt it seeping into his pyjamas first. He didn't know if that annoyed him more or less than the insistent throb now between his legs.

“... Ugh, got to strip now...”

Roxas didn't look up as he pulled away, barely audible. He sounded like he wasn’t breathing. “Sorry...”

“S'cool,” Axel said, but his irritation was building. He'd come into _his_ room, guns blazing, and now appeared to be having a crisis while Axel was hard. He tried to put that aside. “Dude, you okay?”

“No.” Roxas found his pants among the covers, shifting to the edge of the bed to tug them on. Axel sat up, sighing.

“No one's gonna think you're gay because of this,” he told him. “No one's even gonna _know_.”

“You keep saying 'no one' like _I_ won't know, and _you_ won't know,” Roxas sounded tired.

“Since when do I count?”

“You really think my only problem could be what other people think after this?”

“Yeah?” Axel withheld a groan. “Why should you care if you occasionally do sexy stuff with guys?”

“Because I can't. I've gone through this already, and I can't do it again...”

“... 'Already'?” Axel echoed.

“In middle school, yeah.” Roxas didn't look up. “We don't have to get into that...”

“You might as well. I'm not going anywhere, and frankly I'd _love_ to hear the reason behind the self-flagellation.”

“Ugh,” Roxas exhaled, tilting his head back. “Not much to say. I went through a phase, I wasn't discreet.”

“Your dad freak?”

Roxas shook his head. “He wasn't really there to notice. … It was while my mom was in the hospital.”

Axel shifted, more uncomfortable at the mention than even having cum drying on his sweatpants. “Then what was the problem?”

“My uncle knew. Mom's brother. He checked in on us more than anything, so...” Roxas swallowed. “Anyway, I made him promise not to say anything. I think he didn't want to add onto what my dad was going through.”

“I don't think your dad would really care. He's at _least_ bi.”

Roxas stared. “... _What?_ ”

“I have good gaydar.”

“It's such a wonder I've never come to you before,” Roxas spat sarcastically.

“Look, just...” Axel struggled to find something to say, never one to be very well in touch with emotional issues. “Being gay or bi or _whatever_ , it's all fine. Pretty sure the only one with a problem about it is _you_. Even my mom would be okay with you not being not-straight.”

Roxas shifted awkwardly. “I don't know if I was, or am, or whatever. After Mom died all that went away, I didn't have any feelings for anyone. Figured it was a fluke, or a grief-fueled rebellion, something like what a shrink would say...”

“Maybe or maybe not. Maybe you're overthinking it.” To his immense displeasure, Axel noted that his hard-on had diminished. So much for even jerking off once Roxas was gone.

“I still don't want things to be like that again.”

“Lucky for you that's pretty much impossible, unless my mom gets hospitalized.”

Stung, Roxas's tone flattened. “Nice.”

“It _is_ nice,” Axel replied, a little venomous. “All your issues about this are in your head and can be talked about after you jizz all over me.”

His eyes narrowed. “What makes this so okay for _you?_ ”

“It's _not_ , genius.”

“Thank god, you're not completely insane.”

“I'm thinking you are, though. Or just fucking stupid.”

“Maybe I am,” Roxas bristled, getting up.

“The second you decide to stop making this such a fucking issue, the better off you'll be...”

“This _is_ an issue. Whatever my deal was, the fact that it's you and me will always be a fucking issue.” Roxas crossed to the door, a pit having opened up in his stomach that effectively swallowed his anger. All that was left was shame, which was a lot harder to swallow.

“Not 'til their married,” Axel shot back, as though it made a difference.

“Great. Glad we've got that line in the sand.”

If it hadn't been late, if it hadn't been secret, Roxas might have slammed the door after him.


	16. Chapter 16

Roxas wasn't in school the next day.

Worrying through all her afternoon classes, Namine gathered up her notes and textbooks at the final bell and went off in search of a familiar face. She and Ven had only communicated on rare occasions, and she had no idea where to find his locker. She had to take a gamble, instead, and wait by the doors with her neck craned.

“Ven?”

Steps slowing, Ven adjusted his backpack over his shoulder and looked around for the source of the voice. When he greeted her, it was with a bit of uncertainty, like he wasn't sure if she'd actually called to him. “Hi, Namine...?”

She approached, hands wringing the straps of her bag. “Um, I heard Roxas was sick...”

“Yeah,” Ven replied, privately dubious. He was almost certain Roxas was faking illness, even though he didn't know why. “He's sick.”

“I was thinking, could I go home with you? I have his homework and some notes.”

“Oh, sure! If you want, I can just bring all that stuff to him.”

“I thought I'd bring it,” Namine shuffled her feet. “Just to see how he is... But, if that's not okay -”

“Oh, you want to hang out with him,” Ven nodded, waving her along with him as he resumed walking towards the door. “That's totally okay, just come with me.”

“I don't want to impose, though -”

“It's not imposing!” Ven insisted. “Roxas almost never brings friends over.”

Brushing her hair back anxiously, Namine followed. “Your dad won't mind?”

“Nope. Unless you're planning on staying 'til after dark, he probably won't even be home.”

She relaxed a little. “Okay. I'm not sure how far your new place is... Is it a long walk?”

“Oh, I don't walk home. I always get a drive with Axel.”

“Really?” Namine blinked. “I know Roxas skateboards...”

“Yeah, he never wanted to get a drive to school. Anyway, it's better not to put them in a car together.” Ven loved his brother, but he didn't want to sacrifice his peaceful mornings.

“Oh, right. But you two get along?”

Ven nodded. “We're not best-best friends or anything, but Axel's pretty cool, yeah.”

Namine mentally filed that information away. “I'm glad someone's getting along well...”

“Our parents are getting along. I mean, obviously.”

“Yes,” Namine laughed. “I gathered.”

“It's this one,” Ven pointed out Axel's car, going around to knock on the passenger window.

Flicking through radio stations, Axel rolled down the window and unlocked the doors. “Hey. Good to go?”

“Ready,” Ven announced. “Is it okay if we bring one more?”

Namine was hanging back a little, and Axel had to tilt his head to spot her. “Sure. Dropping off?”

“I wanted to bring Roxas his homework,” she piped up.

Axel's expression was inscrutable. “... Sure, get in the back.”

With a smile, Ven got the door for her, for which she thanked him and clambered inside. Axel shut off the radio as Ven got in the front and did up his seat belt.

“Buckle up,” Axel said, raising an eyebrow at the backseat. Blushing, Namine did so.

Backpack at his feet, Ven fished out his phone to start texting his friends. “Do you want me to tell Roxas you're coming over?” he offered.

“Oh, that's probably a good idea... He doesn't like surprises.”

“I'm pretty sure Roxas doesn't like most things,” Axel quipped.

Ven switched to 'Roxas' in his contacts. “Sure he does.”

“Like sulking?”

“He just has a negative outlook,” Namine spoke in his defense, though wasn't sure how well she did.

“That's one way to put it.”

“He gets better,” Ven also said on Roxas's behalf.

“He's got a good heart, really,” Namine agreed.

“I get that you guys like him, but he also doesn't hate you, so...”

Ven just shrugged, but Namine's attention had been caught.

“It's a shame, because I'd like him alright otherwise,” Axel commented.

“You've got lots of time to get closer?” Ven tried.

“Yeah, Mom and Zack are pretty much married already.”

Ven lit up, grinning. “Soon!”

Axel's attempt to mirror the expression was faint. “Yeah, that's gonna be good.”

Namine remained silent, listening very intently. There was something in Axel's tone.

“I mean, it really won't be much different than now...”

“It'll just be official,” Axel confirmed. “And we'll probably have a big wedding photo somewhere in the living room.”

The thought came to Ven very suddenly. “You don't think they'll have another baby, do you?”

“I dunno. Maybe?”

Ven's eyes became huge.

“They're not too old,” Axel mused. “And my mom loves kids.”

“Whoa...” Ven marveled. “Then we'd have a brother or sister that's yours, too. Like for real.”

Axel didn't seem quite so enthused. “That sounds like way too much responsibility. You come ready-made, I don't have to impart life lessons.”

“It would be pretty cool,” Ven said, not really listening.

“Doubt Roxas would think so.”

Namine made another note to herself.

“I dunno. I think he likes kids okay,” Ven doubted.

“Huh. Wouldn't expect it.”

“But I'm not sure he'd want to give up his position as the youngest,” Ven amended with a bit of a laugh.

“I hear that's a coveted spot.”

“He doesn't say it, but I think he likes it.”

“I'll bet,” Axel snorted. “I think my mom lets things slide when he gets snippy. That's the perk of being the baby of the family, yeah?”

“Yeah. I mean, it didn't happen much before... I don't think our parents really thought of one of us as older or younger.”

Namine listened, and thought.

“How much younger even is he?” Axel questioned.

“Pretty young, actually! Dad likes to joke that he thought I'd talk before Roxas was born. Like I'd say 'hi' to him or something.”

Axel snorted again. “Seems like Roxas.”

“How sick _is_ he?” Namine interrupted. Ven paused.

“I dunno, really. It was Mom – or, Axel's mom he talked to.”

Unconsciously, Axel's jaw set.

“I see,” Namine murmured.

“But he did say he probably wouldn't get out of bed all day.”

“He must be _really_ sick,” Axel muttered, trying to keep the bitterness at a minimum.

“Or lazy,” Ven chimed in.

“I'm sure he's not contagious, though.”

“Probably not,” Ven agreed, biting his lip.

“... That's good.” Namine stared at the back of Axel's head.

“He'll be fine by tomorrow,” he said, jaw still tight.

“You think so?” Ven inquired.

“Sure.”

Namine lapsed into thought again. Axel was awfully certain... Which seemed to indicate that he knew something about Roxas's illness.

“... Axel?”

“Hn?”

“Do you dislike Roxas, or does he just dislike you?”

“I – Huh?”

Ven's attention had drifted to his phone but was recaptured again, interested in Axel's response. It took him a moment to get his bearings back.

“... He's annoying,” he replied steadily. “And he's got his 'negative outlook' out full-force too much of the time.”

“It doesn't sound like you dislike him.”

“I don't – I mean, I guess. I hate his sulking.”

Not hearing anything he didn't expect, Ven returned to his phone, grinning down at the screen and tapping out a reply. Namine, however, seemed to find his answer much more interesting.

“I see.”

They were mostly quiet for the rest of the drive, Axel unwillingly reflecting on everything Marluxia had ever said about his foster sister. Specifically, the whole 'witch' thing.

It wasn't that he was superstitious, but... She was a _little_ unsettling.

They all climbed out of the car, Namine keeping at least a foot behind the both of them, as though she thought she might be dismissed at any moment. Unlocking the door, Axel walked inside and started wrestling with his boots.

“Just upstairs?” Namine confirmed, bending to remove her own fluffy winter boots.

“Yeah, Roxas's is the last door,” Ven informed her.

As it so happened, Roxas was not in his room. Clutching a bowl of cereal, Roxas hadn't heard the door open or Namine's voice soon enough to register, and he froze within sight of the front door.

“Okay – oh,” Namine slipped off her boot and smiled over at him. “Hi, Roxas.”

Wordlessly, Axel slipped by to go upstairs. Very briefly, Roxas's eyes followed before flickering away.

“Hey...”

“I brought you today's homework,” Namine told him. “And some class notes.”

That got him a little more alert. Roxas blinked. “Oh. Good, thanks. Do you want to come up to my room or anything?”

“Sure,” Namine nodded. “I was worried.”

With a jerk of his head, Roxas ran his hand through his askew hair and led her up the stairs, making sure not to give a second glance to Axel's half-open door. Namine couldn't help but peer quickly inside, watching him throw clothing from his closet to his bed with the obvious intention of going somewhere.

“There's a chair at my desk if you want to sit,” Roxas said, opening his door.

“That'd be nice, thank you.” Going to take the offered seat, Namine brought her backpack into her lap, watching Roxas close the door and drop onto his bed.

“So, homework...”

“You aren't sick,” she observed evenly. Roxas faltered.

He was only unnerved for a moment. Of course she knew, and there'd be no point in denying her. “I didn't feel like going...”

Namine crossed her ankles delicately. “And what does that have to do with Axel?”

“It doesn't,” Roxas denied immediately.

“That's a lie.”

He groaned. “Fine, I didn't want to see him today.”

“Why?”

There was no possible way she _could_ know what'd happened, but Roxas was starting to feel like she did. “I don't like being around him most days. Just too tired this morning...”

“Roxas,” she said patiently, “I know it's more than that. Axel seemed hurt, and you seem wary. What did you two do?”

He swallowed hard. “We... had a fight. And Axel wasn't _hurt_. … What did he tell you?”

“Nothing... Not directly.” For a second, she glanced away. “Did you know that he thinks about you a lot?”

“Did he say that?” Roxas's face was starting to feel hot. “And why should I care if he does?”

“I can tell. We were talking in the car – or, he and Ven were – and he kept bringing the conversation back around to you. It was obvious... and if it didn't affect you, you wouldn't have watched him when he came home, and then actively avoided looking at him again.”

Roxas sighed. “You're psychoanalyzing me again.”

“Yes.” For once, Namine was unabashed. “Both of you. Something's really wrong between you two, isn't it? But you don't know how to talk about it. Or you aren't willing to.”

“There's nothing any more wrong than any other blended family. I think,” he muttered, almost an aside.

“What do you mean?”

“It's nothing... I'll try to get along with him better,” he tried to appease her.

“I don't think that's the problem.”

“Why _wouldn't_ it be?”

“Because this isn't about disliking each other. He doesn't dislike _you_.”

“You sure about that?”

“Yes. I asked him.”

Any retort Roxas had evaporated, not sure what to make of that.

“He said he disliked your attitude, but not you,” she went on. “If that was true, he would have just said that he disliked _you_... So, you hurt his feelings somehow.”

“I have a hard time feeling sorry for him.”

“It's not about feeling sorry for him. Do you actually dislike him?”

“Sure I do,” Roxas said stubbornly. “Not as much as when we met, but...”

“But you're attracted to him.”

He gaped, horrified. “Whoa, where are you getting that from?!”

“Connecting dots,” Namine replied, calmly folding her hands over her bag. “Axel is gay. He doesn't really hide that... Or, hide it well. He doesn't hate you, but he isn't civil with you like he is with Ven. He's been hurt by you, and emotionally, and I don't think much _gets_ to Axel unless he cares about you on some level. And you're on the defensive, avoiding him to the point of faking sick, and if you didn't care at all about him you would be more dismissive. You're attracted to him, and he knows about it. Am I right?”

Roxas stared for a long moment. “... It's not the same as being attracted to someone, it can't be...”

“Then what do you think it is?” she asked patiently.

“... I have no idea,” he said, defeated. “I just know it needs to be gone.”

“Just don't use him, Roxas,” Namine gently entreated. “Whether you like him or not, he doesn't deserve that.”

“What? Why am I 'using' him now?”

“He likes you much more than you like him... and like I said, he's gay. You either aren't, or don't identify that way right now. If you use his sexuality to experiment with yours...”

Out of nowhere, Roxas felt chilled. _Hurting_ Axel hadn't occurred to him as a possibility with all of Axel's teasing. “I couldn't. Or wouldn't... We're basically related, so... that'd be pretty messed up.”

“No, you aren't. You will never be related,” she denied. “You might become family one day if you start genuinely getting along, but... never related.”

“Related enough for it to be a crime once our parents are married.”

“Depending only on where you live, it could be considered a crime,” Namine agreed. “That isn't the case everywhere, though, and I don't think he'll ever be a brother in your heart. So, until your father marries Axel's mother and the morality of the issue becomes immediate, what's really stopping you?”

“... I thought you'd be freaking out more than this,” Roxas balked, not knowing how to answer. “You wouldn't with a foster sibling, would you?”

“Dating a foster sibling really _is_ illegal. When it's not a criminal offense, it's still enough to get a foster kid thrown out of the house,” Namine replied, and some of her calm had slipped. Her hands had wrapped around each other, wringing a little. “I wouldn't risk being part of a family for anyone, which makes the situation... not really comparable. No matter what happened between you and Axel, you have a father and a brother who love you.”

Roxas's stomach twisted, ashamed to have even asked. “... I'm sorry...”

“It's okay. There are a lot of differences... but what your situation comes down to is that you don't really have anything stopping you right now, except for your own wants and conscience.”

He slumped forward, head falling into his hands. “Oh god, Namine...”

Namine's hand-wringing was born from sympathy, now. “Just do what's best for you, but try not to hurt him.”

“How the hell am I supposed to do that?” Roxas's voice was muffled by his hands.

“I don't really know,” Namine confessed, not sure how much overlap there really was. “... Did you already, um... do things, with Axel?”

Roxas was silent.

“... Oh.”

“It wasn't really intentional,” Roxas said quietly, mortified. “Or it wasn't supposed to be...”

Namine knew what she had to recommend, but also knew Roxas wouldn't want to hear it. “... You should probably talk to him about this. And, if it were me, I'd feel used. So... maybe you should apologize.”

“You wouldn't be able to give him a talk like this, would you?” Roxas pleaded.

“I don't see why he'd speak to me.”

“He spoke to you already,” he argued.

“In the car, with Ven present. He's civil and he's easy to read when you catch him off-guard... but he's friends with Marluxia, so he probably doesn't trust me.”

“So I have to do it myself?” Roxas's heart dropped into his stomach.

“I'm sorry. It has to be that way.”

Roxas sighed, once again feeling like he'd lost the debate of his life. “... Do you really have homework, too?”

“Yes... I didn't intend on this, when I came over,” Namine admitted, unzipping her bag to remove a binder. She held it out to him, studying Roxas's face. “... It'll be alright.”

“You'll find out, I guess,” Roxas accepted it gloomily.

“I'm glad you're not really sick.”

“You're probably the only person who'd say that...” Roxas looked over the binder's contents. “These are your notes.”

She nodded. “You'll need them for part of the homework questions.”

“Thank you...”

“Did you want any help with it?” Namine offered. “Otherwise, I should probably go home...”

“I can manage this. Do you want me to walk you home?”

“That's okay,” Namine shook her head, closing her bag and getting to her feet, making an attempt at lightening the mood. “You need your bed rest.”

“Clever.” Roxas at least thought he could get the door for her, and he climbed off the bed to do so. He walked her downstairs, bade her farewell, and lingered in the doorway.

Axel's car was gone.

Just as well. He couldn't have had this talk _now_ , in any case. He needed to figure out what to say. He had to decide if there was anything he even _could_ say.

It was a strange relief, that Namine knew everything... but now that she did, all he wanted was for her to give him all the answers.


	17. Chapter 17

The opportunity to talk to Axel wound up being harder to find than expected. Obviously, Roxas wanted to do it before Aerith got home from work in the evening, but Axel tended to treat his room like either an impenetrable barrier or a pit-stop before going out. Demyx or Zexion weren't available often, between music lessons and all the various extracurricular science projects, which meant Marluxia's place played host to Axel more often than his own home.

Additionally, there was Roxas's nerve to consider. The few times he thought he might be able to get a quick word with Axel, his anxiety had spiked so badly that he didn't think he'd be able to breathe well enough to form words.

Roxas just had to hope the timing would work out eventually. And then it did, and he wondered why he'd been hoping for it.

He'd heard Axel's bedroom door open and his steps on the stairs, and hastened to follow without making it seem like he was trying to creep up on him. With his keys in hand, Axel was lingering in the doorway, torn between wanting to drive and wanting to drink. Roxas seized the chance to catch him.

“Axel. Hey -”

“What?” Turning, Axel arched an eyebrow at him coolly. Roxas paused at a 'safe' distance away, several feet long of being an exaggerated space.

“Can I, like... talk to you?”

Axel seemed exasperated by the question. “ _Now?_ ”

“You got a better time?”

Sighing, Axel decided that he could be later than he'd promised; it was only Marluxia. “Alright, what do you want?”

Roxas balked. “Can we go outside or something for this?”

“Sure. C'mon.” Getting the door, Axel unlocked his car with the click of a button and went outside. Roxas hastily slipped on his shoes, unwittingly approaching the driver's seat in his attempt to follow.

“Sit,” Axel indicated the passenger's side, getting into the car. “If we're talking, we're doing it in comfort and style.”

“Style, huh,” Roxas frowned, climbing into the passenger seat. It was the first time he'd ever been inside Axel's car, and it wasn't exactly in mint condition – a very battered cinnamon air freshener dangled from the rear view mirror, an empty soda can crushed at his feet and the seat upholstery starting to get a little bit grungy.

“More style than most teenagers,” Axel defended his car. “So?”

Just like that, Roxas forgot everything he'd planned to say. “... So... uh. About the other night. And the times before that...”

“Uh-huh.” Axel pulled a lever to lean his seat back.

“I guess... I've been kind of shitty.” It was easier to admit to something when Roxas just put himself down in the process.

“... Okay.”

“So, I'm sorry.”

“Okay,” Axel repeated. “Is that it?”

Roxas shifted uncomfortably. He'd expected a little more... something, from Axel, even if it was anger. “I guess? For the record, I wasn't just testing out on you because I know you're into guys...”

Axel snorted. “Sure you were. And dude, I don't care.”

“You don't?”

“I got to make out for a bit, I don't exactly cry myself to sleep over it,” Axel smirked. “It's a shitty thing to do, you're right. But I've known you were an asshole since we met.”

Roxas scowled. “It's not like I was going to just... pick any random guy.”

“That so?” Axel shot him a quizzical look.

“You think I planned this? Or, thought it through at all?”

“No. Which is why it really shouldn't matter which guy you're making out with.”

“No, I-...” Roxas made a frustrated noise. “The point is, it wasn't going to happen. I wasn't going looking...”

“No, I get that.” Axel rolled his eyes. “What are you looking for with _this_ , by the way? Want my forgiveness?”

“I was more going for apologizing and letting you know I'm done.”

A muscle clenched in Axel's jaw. “Alright, cool. Thanks.”

That felt... settled. Roxas allowed himself to relax, however marginally, and looked around the car as something occurred to him belatedly. “Were you going somewhere...?”

“Marluxia's.”

He didn't try to hide his disapproval. “Ugh.”

“I don't have a lot of options,” Axel replied shortly. “Told you before.”

“I don't think I'd drop my standards that low if he was my _last_ option.”

“He happens to be.”

“With your taste, I'm almost insulted.”

Axel was abruptly a lot more clipped when he ordered, “Get out of my car.”

“Later, then,” Roxas rolled his eyes, opening the door to let himself out. He was more bothered by the idea of Axel and Marluxia together than he knew how to handle, which made it that much worse that he couldn't think of anything else as he trudged back into the house.

Fuck, and Axel had seemed mad about something. He shut the front door and had his shoes off before he allowed himself to curse up a quiet storm.

He'd meant for that to _fix_ things. Why did it seem like he'd just made it worse?

 

* * *

 

After a very long shower in which Roxas attempted to scrub his entire body raw, he'd figured out what his next course of action should be. Still rubbing his hair with a towel, he fell backwards onto his bed and sought his phone with his free hand. He didn't have many contacts to go through; he selected the one he needed and let it ring.

Confined to her room under threat of torment, Namine had little to do. Making too much noise might make Marluxia think she was passive-aggressively protesting, but there were only so many quiet activities one could do before an interruption became welcome. Hence, it didn't take her long to answer. “Hello?”

“ _Hey, Nam_ ,” he greeted wearily. “ _Are you busy?_ ”

Namine set aside her sketchbook. “No. What's the matter?”

“ _I tried talking to Axel... It backfired.”_

“Oh, no...” she lamented, but wasn't terribly surprised. Her sketchbook was closed and put away, preparing for a long conversation. It was just as well she'd been confined to her room; she hadn't minded in the first place, but it was all for the better if Roxas needed her help.

“ _I thought it'd be better if I just called things off completely, you know?”_

“And he reacted badly?”

“ _I don't know. He said it was cool?”_

“Then why do you think it backfired?” she inquired.

“ _He brought up Marluxia, and that he was going there to see him...”_

Her brow knit, perplexed. “Axel comes over every so often. What makes it different, this time?”

There was disbelief in his voice, like he couldn't believe Namine would even ask such a question. “ _You know I hate him.”_

“But what does that have to do with Axel? He and Marluxia have been spending time together before he knew you.”

“ _I know_ ,” he said, frustrated. “ _Why shouldn't I be bothered that he's hanging out with a guy as bad as Marluxia?_ ”

“Are you worried about him?”

“ _Not... really.”_

“Roxas... Are you jealous?”

“ _What, no,_ ” he responded reflexively.

“Then why are you upset?”

He floundered for a moment. “ _It's... insulting?_ ”

“Why?”

“ _Because... that's who he's going to? He knows we're friends..._ ”

“But he and Marluxia were friends before you or I were ever even known to him,” Namine pointed out. “I imagine he hasn't made all that many friends at his new school, and even if he has, Marluxia has history with him.”

She could hear Roxas's logic crumbling. “ _Wh-... Yeah... But..._ ”

“And you already knew he and Marluxia are friends. This wasn't a surprise,” she went on.

Roxas groaned. “ _Stop... using logic_.”

She put on her best reassuring tone. “It's okay to be jealous... Jealousy is natural.”

“ _I can't be jealous. Namine, why would I be jealous?_ ”

“Axel was giving you attention that you liked,” she reasoned. “Now you won't be, and someone else will have that instead. Someone you don't like.”

“ _Sounds pretty awful when you say it like that._ ”

“No, it makes sense to be... And it's okay.”

“ _No, it's not_ ,” Roxas groaned.

“Why not?”

“ _All the reasons it wasn't okay to do this in the first place, plus I said I was done, plus I'm an asshole_...”

She didn't try to talk him out of putting himself down. Namine knew from experience that it didn't work. “Did you mean it, when you said you were done?”

“ _I don't know!_ ” he despaired. “ _You said I was using him, that sounds like something I should stop doing...?_ ”

“But do you want to?”

“ _Still don't know... And it doesn't matter now, does it?_ ”

“Of course it does. You're allowed to change your mind, Roxas.” From downstairs, Namine heard the doorbell ring. She didn't have to guess who it was.

“ _Axel won't.”_

“You can't predict that.”

“ _I think I can. He's pretty pissed_.”

Downstairs, Marluxia approached the door in a state of preemptive annoyance, fuming that Axel was later than he'd said he'd be. Opening the door, he quickly discerned what had kept him. “Ah.”

“'Oh'?” Axel sidled past him on his way into the house, a bit of a weave to his gait.

“You've been drinking, darling,” Marluxia observed.

“Brilliant observation.” Axel knelt down and unzipped his boots. “Your room?”

“If this is what you kept me waiting for, I certainly hope you won't fail to _perform_.”

Offended by the accusation, Axel righted himself and threw himself into a hard kiss, Marluxia's tongue and teeth getting involved on contact. Just the response he'd hoped for.

Upstairs, Namine had risen from the edge of her bed, pacing light-footed around the guest room designated as 'hers'. “You really think he's angry?”

“ _You would, too, if you were there...”_

“Was he _angry_ , or hurt?”

“... _I don't know. He said he wasn't hurt? Or, something like that.”_

“That's an awfully specific thing to say.”

“ _I don't remember that well.”_

“Hm. Well, even if he said he wasn't hurt, that doesn't mean he was telling the truth.”

Roxas made a strangled noise. “ _What am I supposed to do with that?”_

“When you were talking, did you address his feelings at all?”

“ _... I mean, I guess? I don't actually know. Maybe not...”_

“Did you ask him how he felt about stopping? Or about you using him?”

“ _No... but he said he didn't care. And when I said I was done, he said that was fine.”_

“But he seemed angry,” she clarified.

“ _Not right away...”_

“... Was anything said after?”

“ _After that... he mentioned Marluxia.”_

Axel had pushed Marluxia to the wall and was fighting his attempt to flip their positions, one hand at his throat until Marluxia practically ripped at his hair. The sting wasn't pleasant the way it usually was, and Axel shoved himself off of him.

“Alcohol,” he shot at him. “Got any, I need something else...”

Marluxia gently dabbed the corner of his lips. “None that I'm giving to _you_ right now.”

“... Are you fucking serious?”

“You've clearly had enough,” Marluxia grimaced in distaste.

“You're gonna get off either way, here,” Axel claimed hotly. “What's your issue?”

“I've been around you too drunk before. It isn't pretty, trust me.” Grabbing the collar of his shirt, Marluxia started to pull him towards the stairs.

Namine's figure-eights were slowly migrating her closer to her closed bedroom door. “And you got... annoyed, that he was seeing him.”

“ _I don't remember what I said, but yeah, I was annoyed._ ”

“So you told him you wanted to stop using him, then acted jealous of Marluxia, and then Axel was hurt or angry.”

“ _That's the gist of it...”_

At first, Axel let himself be pulled. “I'm not here to provide wit and deep conversation, am I? Who the fuck cares?” he argued, and knocked Marluxia's hand away.

“You're not going to be here very long if you keep up the attitude,” Marluxia's eyes narrowed.

“Bull _shit_ , I'm not.”

“I am not in the mood to babysit you when you're too drunk to stand,” Marluxia bluffed. “Are you going to join me upstairs or not?”

“You'd rather I be on my knees anyway, what the fuck does it matter?”

“If you're simply here to treat my home like an open bar – What is even the matter with you tonight?”

“I _just_ said we weren't doing the conversation thing.”

Namine was starting to hear the telltale tones of an argument, drawing her towards the door. “Is it possible he was offended by you being dismissive of what you two were doing, and then acting jealous? Those are sort of mixed signals.”

“ _I wasn't being dismissive. It had to stop, didn't it?”_

“He may not have seen it that way...”

Roxas's voice was muffled when he next spoke, like he'd buried his face. “ _Maybe I should just let him hate me and hope it blows over eventually_...”

“Um, hang on... I hear them fighting.”

There was a distinct note of hope hidden in his voice. “ _Yeah...?_ ”

“Is this a broken heart?” Marluxia was cooing through a smirk.

“You are so fucking – you'd _love_ that, huh?”

“I'm not hearing a 'no',” Marluxia taunted. “But in any case, fury is a much better fuck than sorrow, so no. I wouldn’t.”

“That explains your delight in pissing me off.”

“M-hm,” Namine's voice went quieter, eavesdropping by the door. “Axel doesn't usually sound angry when they fight, but I think he might be...”

“ _Did something happen with them?_ ”

“I can't quite hear... But Marluxia is mocking him.”

“Do you need a shoulder to cry on now, precious?” Marluxia's tone was syrupy.

“If something like that seriously happened, you think I'd come to _you?_ ”

“ _Haven't_ you?”

“No,” Axel bristled, turning to go back downstairs. “It'd never be you.”

“Axel just said 'it'll never be you', I think, _”_ Namine echoed, whispering into the phone.

Roxas sounded equally baffled. “ _What will...?_ ”

Marluxia grabbed Axel by the waist. “Come now. I'm good for a rebound, you know.”

“I am _not_ rebounding,” Axel growled. “But you _are_ pissing me off enough to go find a replacement for _you_.”

“That's a cute bluff.” Marluxia turned him bodily to shove him into the wall, hard enough to make the railings shake.

Eyes widening slightly, Namine made a bold move and opened her door just a crack. “... I think Marluxia is teasing him for being upset over someone. You, I assume...”

“... _That doesn't make sense_.”

“Marluxia is cruel, but... He likes to base things in truth. Even if it's only a little.”

There was no way. Roxas wasn't willing to believe that.

The jolt of his back against the wall admittedly brought Axel's desires back around to sex, but he was going to make him work for it. He grabbed Marluxia's throat. “Not worth it if you're gonna be such a bitch.”

“We all make sacrifices. I'm willing to put up with you tasting like a brewery.” Marluxia leaned into the choking hand to get closer. “You're so pent up...”

“You're an asshole.”

“I don't think you care.” Marluxia's tongue slowly traced Axel's lower lip.

“... They've quieted down a little,” Namine reported softly, carefully closing her door again.

Roxas liked that news even less. “ _Why?_ ”

“ _..._ I think they're, um...”

He knew what she was going to say, but he had to hear it. “ _What?_ ”

“They're going to have sex anyway, I think.”

“ _Of course they are._ ” He hadn't expected anything less, but it planted the memory of seeing Axel and Marluxia together back in his head.

Roxas was starting to feel dizzy.

Namine lingered by the door to keep listening, only to hear a crash. She jumped with a sharp intake of breath.

“Oh, _honestly_ , sober up... Come on, I want you out of that tacky outfit...”

“It's only tacky when you want me naked.”

Namine turned her back on the door, holding her phone tightly. “Um, I think Axel's drunk.”

“ _Wait, are you sure?_ ”

“There was a crash, and Marluxia told him to sober up... He's at least been drinking, I don't know if he's drunk. _”_

A whole different sort of chill wracked Roxas as he remembered Axel's mood, the details of his car, the keys in his hand. “ _Fuck_.”

Okay. He had to think fast. Aerith might have been home by now, but he didn't want to snitch; that'd only make Axel even less well-disposed towards him. He looked at the clock, the door.

He was the only one who knew where Axel had gone.

“ _Sorry, um..._ ”

“What're you about to do?”

“ _I don't know, just... make sure Axel doesn't leave, okay?_ ”

“I – um, okay? _”_

 _“Just say whatever you have to. See you_.” Roxas hung up before Namine could ask what he'd meant by saying 'see you', and he bolted off his bed to grab his sweater and his skateboard.

He'd sneak out the back door. Roxas checked that the coast was clear, slipping down the stairs as quickly and quietly as he could, on the verge of breaking into a run. Once he was outside, he did just that – he ran until there was enough distance between him and the house that he couldn't be noticed if Ven or Aerith looked out a window, and dropped his skateboard.

He knew the quickest way to Namine's house. At his fastest, he thought he could get there in twenty minutes.

He got there in fifteen.

Coming up to the driveway, he kicked up the board and looked for Axel's car, not seeing it anywhere and not sure what to make of that. Had he parked it somewhere nearby, maybe hid the car in case Marluxia's parents came home?

No time to worry about it. Roxas jogged up to the front door and beat his fist against it rapidly.

No answer. Namine had heard, but was torn between the fear of leaving her room when she'd been told to stay in there and not wanting to leave Roxas outside... because, of course, she knew it was him.

He waited less than a minute before knocking again. A small part of him hoped he'd interrupt Axel, if he really was... doing things.

While he waited (though he was counting down seconds in his head) he started looking for Axel's car again. There was no way Axel had gotten fed up and left to go home already, had he...?

The door opened. Namine was half-hidden behind it, the look on her face not unlike a started deer.

“Hey,” he rounded towards her. “Is he still here?”

She nodded. “They're in Marluxia's room.”

He wasn't back on the road. Roxas exhaled. “That's fine. I'll wait.”

“If Marluxia catches me outside my room,” Namine began anxiously. Roxas's scowl deepened.

“Then let's go there.”

“Okay...” Namine let him in, locking the door before creeping back upstairs softly. For all her conscientiousness over noise, it became redundant halfway up the staircase.

The noise from behind Marluxia's closed door was distinct, and _they_ weren't making any attempts to keep down the volume. Roxas's stomach twisted into a tight knot.

They went to Namine's room, and she softly closed the door again.

“Where do I sit?” Roxas asked tonelessly.

“Anywhere you like,” she offered, distinctly uncomfortable. It had occurred to her too late that Roxas would be subjected to non-consensual voyeurism. His back was rigid as he sat next to her on the bed.

There were an awkward few seconds in which neither of them spoke, though not in silence. Namine's cheeks colored. “Um...”

“It's fine,” Roxas said stiffly. “At least, if I can listen to this, I'll know...”

“What will you know...?”

He cringed. “If this is about being jealous...”

There seemed to be no sound _but_ the two of them, grunts and curses and moans all muffled by walls.

Namine folded her hands in her lap. “Why did you rush all the way here?”

“Because Axel left with his car, and you said he was drunk.”

Strangely, she looked blank rather than concerned. “He didn't arrive in a car.”

“... You're sure?” Roxas stared, the stones in his stomach weighing it down further.

Nodding, Namine rose to check out the window, confirming what Roxas already knew: Axel's car was nowhere in sight. “He really didn't drive here.”

Roxas buried his eyes against his palms. “So instead I'm just an idiot...”

“You were concerned, that's all...”

“I don't get it,” he sighed. “He was in his car when I talked to him...”

“Maybe he got out,” Namine suggested. “If he knew he'd be drinking -”

She was interrupted by a very distinct, very conclusive groan. That voice was unmistakable, and there was also little doubt as to what it indicated.

Roxas sank harder into his hands, dizziness turning to nausea.

“... Roxas...”

“Whatever you're about to say,” he muttered, “there's no point.”

He didn't know _what_ he felt. He didn't think it had a name. All Roxas was certain of was that the feeling _sucked_.

Moments later, there was a sharp tap on Namine's door and Marluxia spoke through it. “Namine, dear, who was that at the front door?”

She hadn't expected him. Namine's breath caught and she rushed to the door, going to open the door a crack. “Sorry -”

Marluxia's palm clapped against the door, showing that he could open it wider if he so chose. “Well, did you answer it?”

Roxas lifted his head, hatred crawling up his throat. He was prepared to jump to Namine's defense.

“Yes... It was just my friend...”

“Strange.” Marluxia pushed the door. He was wearing only his pants, and those were unusually wrinkled. “I don't remember being told of any friend visiting.”

“Hey, lay off her,” Roxas stood. “I didn't say I was coming over.”

“Oh. It's you,” Marluxia observed indifferently.

“You... remember Roxas...” Namine squirmed uncomfortably. Marluxia shot him an unreadable smirk.

“Yes. Do enjoy yourselves.”

God, Marluxia made him _so sick_...

“He'll go home soon,” Namine said, clinging the door in the desire to close it.

Having picked up on familiar voices, though, Axel had pulled on his pants again and left Marluxia's room to find out what was going on. “What the hell are you doing?”

Roxas froze.

The sight of Axel was even worse than having heard him. He was in disarray, dark patchy bruises marking his bare throat and chest, holding himself precariously as though he'd been left sore.

Axel stared. “Roxas. What the fuck?”

“You,” he started, glancing at Namine for help. “Uh, drinking...”

Axel continued to stare, waiting for a clearer explanation.

Namine had started to chew her lip. “... Roxas will go home.”

Floundering for another few seconds, Roxas finally spoke without being able to keep bitterness out of his voice. “Yeah. Sure...”

Marluxia, obnoxiously, was still smirking. Axel gave them both strange looks.

“Let me know if you're coming home tonight,” Roxas muttered, pushing past them to leave. Namine shrank as she passed Marluxia, following Roxas to see him out.

“I hope you plan to lock the door behind him,” Marluxia chided, as though Namine was a child who wouldn't know to do so. Then he turned to Axel. “Go wash up.”

“You can't order me around, actually,” Axel replied flatly. “Throw in a 'please'.”

The terse bickering followed Roxas and Namine down the stairs, mortification still on Roxas's face.

“I'm sorry,” Namine murmured, going ahead and placing a hand on the doorknob. Roxas crouched to put on his shoes and pick up his skateboard.

“I'll see you at school...”

“Okay...”

“Will you be okay?” he stood up. “Didn't mean to get you on his bad side...”

“I'm always on his bad side,” Namine dismissed, trying to sound as though she wasn't bothered. It didn't keep Roxas from worrying.

“If you ever want to come over and get away for a while...”

“I know. I'll be okay... Really,” she insisted.

“If you say so,” he exhaled. He still felt awful, guilty, sick, that sucky emotion he hadn't named yet... “I'll see you.”

“Hold up.”

Axel was coming down the stairs, fully dressed and irritable. He only stopped long enough to blow a kiss with his middle finger, then came down to the foyer.

Despite not knowing whether he should, Roxas paused. Namine held the door.

“Might as well walk back with you,” Axel shrugged, going to put on his boots.

“... Didn't know you meant leaving _now_...”

“Yeah, I didn't know either. You don't have to wait if you're that opposed,” Axel informed him evenly, zipping the boots up.

“I don't care,” Roxas squirmed. “That's kind of what I came here for...”

“You came to get me?” Axel questioned.

“We don't have to talk about that. Are you ready?” Roxas avoided looking Axel's way, giving Namine a limp kind of wave goodbye. She nodded silently in return.

“Sure.” Axel's hands slid into the pockets of his hoodie, walking out and down the walkway. The door was closed and locked behind them, and the two of them were fairly close in stride. Roxas had the manic urge to run ahead of Axel and hide, and Axel decided to take Roxas up on his suggestion of not conversing.

He really wished he had showered before he left, but he hadn't wanted to let Marluxia order him around.

“... Did you drive anywhere?” Roxas asked, needing to know for any peace of mind.

“No. Left the car at home.”

“Oh.” God, he felt _really_ stupid now.

“So, you came all the way here because you thought I'd drink and drive?”

“... Yeah?”

“So you think I'm an idiot.”

“Sort of,” Roxas shrugged uncomfortably. “I was just making sure. If you crashed somewhere, I'd be responsible 'cause I knew where you were going.”

“And you couldn't, say, text me?”

Roxas didn't want to admit that he hadn't thought very long on his plan. “Didn't know if you'd answer me...”

“Million dollar question,” Axel went on, apparently opting not to argue that he wouldn't have known unless he tried. “How'd you know I was drinking?”

“Namine heard you... You won't tell Marluxia about that, will you?” He couldn't even imagine the hell he'd put her through if Marluxia found out she'd been eavesdropping.

“No. Why was Namine telling you about me?”

“We were already talking,” he replied evasively. “She overheard...”

“We weren't _that_ loud,” Axel's eyes narrowed. “Not at that point.”

“Namine hears things. I don't know.”

“Right. You have some serious issues, you know that?”

Roxas looked away. “That's probably true.”

Axel just shook his head stiffly.

“... If there's something you wanted to say, you might as well do it now while I'm being dragged along rock bottom.”

“What're you expecting?”

“You were obviously pissed off earlier,” Roxas said, knuckles white around his skateboard. “If you want to leave it at that, fine. You won't hear any more from me about it.”

“You mean when you commented about my low standards, and how you wouldn't resort to Marluxia if he was the last option you had?”

“... Maybe.”

“Gee, what about _that_ could've pissed me off,” Axel drawled.

“... Okay, but I _really_ hate Marluxia,” Roxas defended.

“And I _really_ hate being alone. Which happens a lot when you're the gay child of a single parent who works full-time, so how about you shut the fuck up with your judgmental BS, in future?”

Roxas felt his throat tighten in discomfort. “... Yeah, sure. But I have a right to be pissed off at Marluxia whenever I want.”

“Not where I'm concerned,” Axel shot him down. “You wanna be pissed off on your not-girlfriend's behalf, fine. But fuck you, for what you said.”

“Sorry,” Roxas mumbled. “I was-... not thinking...”

“Whatever.”

“And, uh, about the other thing... I assumed stopping everything was the right thing to do. That's still my best guess...”

“What, you suddenly change your mind?” Axel gave him an inscrutable look.

“I just... didn't ask what you thought, I guess?”

“It's not up to me.”

“It's at least _half_ up to you...”

Sighing, Axel's annoyance returned. “What's it matter? You say you're not gay and you don't want to keep using me, so don't.”

Roxas swallowed. “Couldn't keep it going, anyway...”

“Even though it was pretty much the only thing keeping us from fighting all the time,” Axel sniped. “Plus, not like it bothered me, being 'used'.”

“It wasn't supposed to be like that... Not a test or, whatever, just... what it was. Something that happened with you.”

“And that was fine with me?”

“Was it? Actually?” Roxas pressed.

“Why shouldn't it,” he claimed. “Frustrating, sure, but if you're gonna get pissed off every time I fuck someone else, it'd at least be valid if we're messing around.”

Roxas reddened. “I can't rationalize it... What am I supposed to do?”

“How should I know?”

“Anyone would have better ideas than I do,” Roxas shrugged weakly.

“What do you want? You wanna fuck around every so often?” Axel questioned, vaguely accusatory. “Want me to stop sleeping with Marluxia?”

“... Sort of,” he muttered.

“So you want to be exclusive.”

“I don't -... What is it you're gaining from this?”

“The trade off is, you stop running,” Axel declared.

“'Running'?”

“You run from me when you get freaked, and you run from yourself and your problems every time you think things are getting _too gay_.”

Roxas couldn't exactly argue that without proving him right.

“So,” Axel looked at him, expression carefully kept even. “D'you wanna?”

“... I wouldn't know how to say it if I did...”

“Which if proof that you can't meet my terms. Fuck that.”

Roxas fell silent. He wondered if it'd seem too drastic to just... give up. Run away. Who cared if that was what Axel was accusing him of... Maybe it was the solution, not the problem.

He dropped his skateboard, stepping onto it. He couldn't run away, but he could go on ahead home. He needed the time to... think.

“Going on ahead?”

“I might as well,” he answered, head down.

“Fine. Later.” If Axel was upset that he was being left behind, he didn't show it.

“I'll try not to make much noise on the way in...”

“You're a saint.”

Roxas kicked off and rolled on forward, picking up speed until the wind was rushing over his face. Until he felt like he'd left everything behind.


	18. Chapter 18

Out of all the strange things currently in Axel's life, the weirdest was probably his relationship with the educational system. Despite all evidence to the contrary, Axel didn't actually hate school – Sciences were interesting, Math was easy, and English was an exercise in making bullshit look coherent. School was just kind of boring and repetitive, full of people he either didn't like or didn't care about one way or the other, and went directly against a rebellious nature.

Right now, though, school was his haven. For five days of the week, Axel had a haven to escape to that didn't make him think about Roxas, or the wedding, or his sexuality, or Roxas, or his mother's disappointment, or Roxas.

Zexion and Demyx were also proving consistently to be good company. Zexion was forthright and snobbish, Demyx was self-absorbed and laid-back. They complemented his own quirks well, and were simultaneously the most and least accepting people he'd ever met. While he'd never come right out and told them he was gay, it was pretty clear they didn't care one way or the other. Demyx had even been receptive to his flirtations, which had gone on until Axel realized that Demyx was a _little_ bit in love with everyone who paid him the slightest of attention and lost interest.

All in all, school was probably his favorite place to be, which was all sorts of sad.

Getting a slice of pizza from the cafeteria line, Axel proceeded towards the sad-looking table occupied by only two people. Demyx, who had no tray in front of him, was giving Zexion a wide, pleading stare, unblinking until a portion of his lunch was meaningfully pushed to the side. He snatched it up gratefully and hummed his gratitude. Taking a seat, Axel popped the tab of his soda.

“Ah,” Zexion raised his head. “I wondered when you would find us.”

“Had to drop off my textbook mountain before my arms dislocated, hey– first off, fuck you?”

Demyx grinned innocently, chewing on a piece of pepperoni stolen right off the slice. Zexion, who was at liberty to, ignored him.

“How necessary are your classes this afternoon?”

As warm and mushy as his feelings towards the place were... “Not. Why?”

“You're coming out with us,” Zexion told him.

He didn't bat a lash, chewing on pizza and barely swallowing before he spoke again. “Cool. What're we doing?”

“S'up to you,” Demyx said.

“It's sort of a tradition,” Zexion explained. “When Demyx and I see no value in our classes, we take the day off, one of us choosing the activity.”

“And you're new! So it's your turn,” Demyx announced, as though he'd just announced that Axel was getting the key to the city.

Axel was undeniably intrigued. “... Yeah?”

Zexion nodded once. “I reserve the right to refuse anything dangerous, or... too illegal.”

“Weed doesn't count as too illegal,” Demyx added in an undertone.

“How do you feel about controlled fire?”

A shadow of a grin crossed Zexion's face. “Could be interesting.”

“What're we setting on fire?” Demyx frowned. “Not like, a building, right?”

He doubted Demyx actually cared about the morality of the act of arson. It was more likely that he obeyed the law simply because he didn't feel up to running away from the scene of a crime.

“Fuck, no. We could go out to the woods or something.”

“But what about forest fires?”

“Dem, I doubt we'll have enough dry wood for a suitable _campfire_.”

“Might be worth bringing along a few samples to see how they burn,” Zexion mused.

“Cool,” Axel grinned. “This is perfect, I need to let off some steam.”

“Don't you always?” Zexion hardly bothered to make it sound like a question.

Taking another bite of pizza, Axel inclined his head as though to say 'that's fair'. In lowered voices, they continued to discuss what they might be able to get away with bringing along; in spite of poor attendance, Zexion was a favorite of a few science teachers, and the idea of sneaking chemicals out of the lab was tempting. Determining that they could probably be traced back to the school, though, they wound up vetoing that plan two-to-one (Demyx failed to see the problem when they could just blame it on some other kids).

They got what little they cared to bring and ditched school grounds before the first warning bell, trudging their way through a thin layer of slush out to the woods. The forested area was a fair walk away from school grounds, but a lot less of one when one of their number had a car to take them most of the way.

Jacket left in the backseat, Axel led the way through the trees to a suitably clear space, his binder from first semester tucked under one arm and some good kindling sticks in his hands. No one had brought along much; Zexion had ultimately decided this was a hands-off outing for him, and Demyx had only bothered to bring along his guitar and newly-bought stash.

“Man, I wish we had marshmallows,” Demyx complained, having realized what they were lacking too late. “D'you think we could go get some?”

“I haven't got cash, do you?” Axel knew already that he didn't.

“Aw.”

“Just up here looks good,” he indicated a spot the sparse snow hadn't reached, and Zexion shook a thin cigarette from his pack on his way to a nearby log. Taking a seat, he flicked his lighter and watched Axel start methodically piling sticks.

Hoisting the guitar case down, Demyx collapsed next to it and watched as well. “So, if it's not like a campfire thing... why d'you want a fire?”

“Burning shit is cathartic.”

“Isn't that the thing with hearts?”

“That's cardiac.”

“Emotional release,” Zexion explained, putting his lit cigarette between his lips.

“Oh.”

Piling tinder underneath his stick-tent, Axel reflected, “I like to think that I'm literally throwing my problems into a blaze of destruction.”

“Similar to what music does for you, Demyx,” Zexion patiently interpreted.

“ _Oh,_ ” Demyx sounded as though he actually understood this time. “Cool.”

Axel resumed building his fire, testing the amount of air flow. He wanted to maximize the amount of flame – it wouldn't be a big fire, but it'd be as high and as quality as he could make it. He didn't need it to be long-lasting.

Short-lived and hot, that sounded familiar.

Igniting the end of a longer stick, Axel prodded the fire into being and grinned as the fire caught.

Having removed something from the inside pocket of his jacket, Demyx looked intrigued as a thought occurred to him. “Can I light my joint off it?”

Zexion exhaled smoke. “You'll burn your hand and drop it in the fire. The smell will get us caught. Just come here.”

Sitting up, Demyx dragged himself over to Zexion and accepted him lighting the end of his joint. It'd barely been lit before he was shifting around to get to his guitar, following his tried-and-tested routine of composing while he got high.

Axel didn't pay either of them much attention anymore. Getting out his binder, the ripped out a page of his Shakespeare notes and held the corner above the highest lick of flame, watching it curl and blacken. It took a while to properly catch, but as the fire spread, Axel imagined every spiteful word Roxas had ever spoken written on the burning page.

He went through a second page, and a third. Demyx strummed an idle stream of notes that was actually proving to be a calming backdrop to his demolition.

They didn't really talk to each other for a while, until Zexion's cigarette was on its way to becoming a stub.

“What are we burning to?”

“My stubborn brat stepbrother-to-be.”

“Ah, one of the twins,” Zexion nodded. Demyx decided to show his sympathy by continuing to smoke.

He made a vague sound, memories unpleasantly juxtaposed; what it was like to cop a feel of Roxas, the disdain when he heard that Axel was going to see Marluxia. “... Shit's so easy for him and he doesn't even acknowledge it.”

“Preferential treatment?”

“From life, yeah. He has _options_ , you know?” Axel groused, dropping another page into the fire as it became ashes. “He acts like he's so fucking hard done by when he's gonna have options his whole life. He gets to be a jackass and he'll never suffer for it.”

“Lame,” Demyx indifferently declared.

“That seems like a rather conceptual reason to resent someone,” Zexion noted.

“He just... rubs it in my face, is all.”

Still entirely toneless, Zexion said, “It sounds as though you've come to equate his privileges with the loss of your own.”

“Only because -” Axel started to mutter, then stopped.

Only because Roxas got to keep those privileges while he used him.

After a beat, Demyx prodded, “'Cause what?”

“Nothin'.”

“I'm merely suggesting that there's been a great disruption in your life, and it's common to assign all of your frustration to a single target,” Zexion stated, with just a touch of that vague sense of superiority he just couldn't seem to help having.

“You think I've got some mommy issues to work through?”

Demyx laughed. “Gross, you wanna do your mom?”

“Your intelligence outshines us all, Dem.”

Demyx laughed again, finishing off his joint.

“That's a gross oversimplification,” Zexion stated. “I think you want to ignore his reasoning to further your self-image as a victim. Simple coping strategy.”

Axel snorted. “Maybe I am. He still goes out of his way to be a dick.”

“I don't doubt it. From what I hear, that's expected of siblings.”

“We're not siblings,” he reflexively shot down, and Zexion's eyebrows rose.

“Step-siblings.”

“Whatever,” Axel dismissed. “We don't think of each other like that.”

Unnoticed, Demyx set aside his guitar and grabbed a stick to poke the fire.

“Then you have little cause to associate with him at all,” Zexion pointed out, taking a long drag.

“Tried that. Didn't work.”

“Because he's pursuing it?”

That was one way of putting it. “Because... we get stuck together a lot.”

“Hm. Nonetheless, a temporary problem.”

“... I guess.” He had to admit, Zexion – as he always did – had a point. Once this patch of sexual tension passed, ignoring each other would undoubtedly come with ease again.

Zexion made a sound of indifference, going to get another cigarette from his pack. Still being ignored, Demyx dropped the stick as it ignited.

Turning away, Axel crouched to get the binder he'd abandoned to the ground, and Demyx tried to flick the burning stick into the fire.

Embers went flying, and made contact.

“Mother _fucker_ -”

Axel hissed as the cinders ate through his sweatshirt and burned his skin, whipping off the smoking clothing to stamp it out.

“Sorry!” Demyx yelped. “Sorry, shit, sorry!”

“Fucking _ow_...” The bite of cold wasn't helping. The burned spot on his back smarted angrily, making Axel shudder. “What did you just do?!”

“Sorry!”

Cigarette left in the pack, Zexion craned to check the burn with a look of immense displeasure. “Do you need medical attention?”

“Nah,” Axel hissed, picking up his shirt to inspect the damage. “S'minor...”

“It was an accident -”

“Demyx, stop talking,” Zexion instructed, getting up.

“Okay...”

“How's it look?” Axel grimaced, turning to let him check it out. It didn't _feel_ as minor as he'd said, but he knew from old experience that could be the case with even something as mild as a sunburn. No matter what, he couldn't go running to the school nurse or a doctor without having to give some explanation that'd be passed on to his mom.

“Superficial,” Zexion confirmed, “but it should be cleaned promptly.”

“I have burn cream at home, I can deal with that later. Cleaning it up, though...”

“We'll put out the fire and fire the nearest running water.”

“I can -” Demyx began to volunteer.

“ _No_. You're forbidden from fire, now,” Axel cut him off, giving him a sharp look and going to grab some of the wet wood nearby. Between cutting off the fire's oxygen and some well-aimed kicks to the slushy ground, it wasn't hard to extinguish.

They wound up driving all the way back to a strip mall in order to find an adequate washroom, and barely made it back to the school in time for Axel to pick up Ven. He kept his jacket on, acutely aware of sting of the burn and the holes in his sweatshirt.

 

* * *

 

The evidence was buried under a clothing pile in his closet, and that'd be good enough for the time being. Axel would have to sneak the burned sweatshirt into the garbage at some point, and no one would be the wiser... if not for one small problem he was trying to contend with.

The burned spot on his back was within reach, but only barely. Axel had to do some contorting to get to it, but the motion of rubbing the soothing ointment in just wasn't possible. He craned and stretched and swore, but it still just wasn't going to fucking work.

He narrowed his eyes at his reflection, and weighed his options.

Leaving it be would possibly lead to the burn getting infected. He needed the anti-bacterial stuff, and a bandage. The plus side to just abandoning it to nature's whims was that he might end up with a cool scar to show for it, but he might also wind up having to explain it to Aerith one day and that looped straight back around into being a con.

He could continue to struggle, do a sloppy job, and walk out angry and poorly tended to. Axel could be patient when he needed to be, but that just didn't sound appealing.

So there was one other option he could think of, and it was grudgingly sliding into first place in the race to see what would give out first: Axel's sense or his pride.

Managing to wipe off what little of the burn cream he'd gotten onto himself, he threw his hoodie back on and left the bathroom, knocking reluctantly on Roxas's door.

Sitting on the bed with a number of high quality letter-size photographs arranged in front of him, Roxas didn't even lift his head. Whatever the disturbance was about, he could count on it not to be very long – he had a contest to submit these to, and he wasn't going to interrupt his artistic process for just anything.

“Yeah, Ven?”

“It's me.”

Roxas paused. Zack and Aerith weren't home yet, and he hadn't hallucinated that voice...

“... 'Kay, come in.”

Opening the door, Axel slid into his room and shut it quietly behind him. “... I need a favor.”

Roxas didn't lift his head. “Hard to do a favor if we're not acknowledging each other's existence.”

“Can we skip this and get to the part where you help me? My mom can't know and I think Ven would freak out.”

At that, Roxas looked up. “Oh yeah? What'd you do?”

“Nothing,” Axel retorted. “Demyx -... You know what, doesn't matter.” Unzipping his hoodie, he slipped it off and turned to show him the angry spattering of raw red marks.

“Oh, _shit_ , dude,” Roxas snorted.

“Can you just put the burn stuff on? I can't reach properly.”

“Yeah, sure,” he snickered, accepting the tube of ointment and a gauze bandage. “Go sit down at my desk.”

“Yes _sir_ ,” Axel muttered. He obviously didn't find it as funny, but Roxas ignored the sass and followed.

“So, I guess you were starting fires.”

“One fire.”

“At school?”

“Not 'at' school,” Axel clarified irritably. “During school.”

“Okay, where?”

“The woods. Is this an interrogation?”

“I want to know what I'm not telling your mom.”

Almost growling in irritation, Axel answered, “An illegal campfire was made and my English notes were the only other casualty.”

“Hm.” Roxas tentatively brushed a fingerful of ointment against his back. “And you acknowledge that was dumb?”

“Inviting Demyx was dumb.”

“Okay, well just give me a heads up next time I need to play medic.”

“I'll spring for the nurse costume.”

“You're _really_ going to joke about that?”

“Oh no, you're right. That was too far,” Axel drawled sarcastically.

“I'm not trying to start a fight, god.”

“... Fine. Sorry.”

Gently spreading the cream with a pair of fingers, Roxas let himself concentrate on that for a second before he added, “... And I was serious. If you can't come to your mom with stuff like this, you can tell me.”

Axel paused. “... Why?”

“Because Ven can't keep a secret, and Dad won't keep one from your mom.”

“I mean, why should you care?”

Roxas, surprisingly, already had an answer prepared. He'd been thinking enough about it when he had nothing else to do but toss and turn, aggravated and miserable and sleepless. “If we're not friends, and we're not enemies, might as well be allies.”

Axel considered quietly. “What's that mean for... y'know. That thing we did like, twice.”

“I dunno,” Roxas sighed.

“It doesn't _have_ to mean something. Just curious.”

“Even if we were friends, we can't -” Abruptly, Roxas recalled what Namine said; 'You don't really have anything stopping you right now...' “We _shouldn't_...”

“Right. No, I know that. Do we just forget it, or what?”

“Do you think you can forget it?” Finished with the cream, Roxas was still compulsively running his fingers in small circles.

“We _should._ ”

“Anyway, you want me to know what I want, and I don't.”

“ _Any_ progress on that?”

“No. And I still don't get what you want with me.”

“I want to stop getting pissed at you. It's not the gay old time it used to be. I'm serious,” Axel insisted, when Roxas's eye roll was practically audible.

“Well, are we only ever _not_ pissed at each other when we're making out?”

“S'what it seems like. Even when we've got a truce going on, you bitch about my life choices and I get mad at you for it.”

“In my defense, the only ones I know are playing with fire and Marluxia,” Roxas pointed out.

Axel's jaw set.

“... Sorry,” Roxas hastily went about fixing the gauze patch over the burn. “We're not talking about him anymore.”

“Good.”

“You're done, by the way.” Roxas took a step back, turning to go back to his bed.

“Thanks,” Axel rose, getting his hoodie and shrugging it on. “... I'll see you later. But, alright, 'allies' is good.”

Roxas sank onto his mattress, trying not to disturb his photos. “For the record, I know it sucks. Leaving things like this.”

Axel shrugged. “S'better.”

“...Better than nothing,” Roxas agreed. Axel paused partway to the door, kind of surprised.

Neither of them _used_ to think so.

'Little cause to associate with him' – so maybe that was kind of true, but... Axel didn't want to just ignore him.

And Roxas didn't want to shut Axel out completely, either.

“Yeah. See you later.”

That had to mean something more than being 'allies'. Just, neither of them knew what, yet.


	19. Chapter 19

It'd been weeks since Axel and Roxas's relationship had progressed from 'vitriolic make-out buddies' to 'lukewarm allies'. They'd started passing each other food items at the dinner table, Axel had started turning his music down, Roxas stopped looking offended by Axel's fashion decisions. Both Zack and Aerith had noticed the change and were openly thrilled, and with the majority of wedding plans dealt with, the household at large was more relaxed. The wedding would be in May, only two months away, and it was starting to look like it wouldn't be the worst thing to ever happen to the household.

Except it was going to be the worst thing to ever happen. Honest-to-god civility was becoming the most confusing thing to ever happen to Roxas, and something had to give. Without constantly hiding in their rooms, Axel seemed to be everywhere – grabbing breakfast from the kitchen in only his pyjama pants, getting out of the shower when Roxas needed to brush his teeth, lounging on the living room couch with his ridiculously long legs splayed out like he didn't even _care_ that there were other people around.

Roxas could almost feel it wearing away at him, and it was starting to feel like whatever tenuous strand there was would inevitably snap, and they’d do something impulsive again.

If that happened, everything would go to hell again. Axel wanted him to be sure of what he wanted, but he wasn’t, and there was only one way he could think of to find out.

It was just going to be a _huge_ risk.

His seat belt was the only thing keeping him from sitting bolt upright at the edge of the passenger seat, and his heart was hammering almost too loudly for him to think. Without giving Axel much in the way of information, he'd approached after school and asked for (or demanded) his chauffeur services, and had directed them farther from home than they reasonably needed to be. So far, every time he'd thought he was ready, he lost the nerve and told Axel to just keep driving.

Couldn't keep that up for much longer, though. Roxas hadn't come up with a back-up plan to explain where he was going if he didn't go through with this, and he still needed to get them home in time for dinner.

“Uh-... up here, turn... right.”

Having long since given up on trying to figure out where he was going, Axel silently followed the direction, taking them down a side-street that didn't look like it was being used for anything but scenery. There were houses tucked down dirt roads splitting off from the street, and at the first one of them that didn't look to lead right onto private property, Roxas got his attention.

“There. Stop there.”

Axel arched an eyebrow. “What, did you arrange for an axe murder? I thought we were getting along fine.”

“Do you want to keep driving or are you going to stop?”

“I'm pulling over,” he assured him, flicking his turning signal out of consideration to the total lack of traffic. He turned onto the dirt road and went far enough down to see the eventual dead end, trees on either side of the car.

Axel let the engine idle, and looked over at the passenger side.

“... Uh, Roxas?”

In danger of hyperventilating, Roxas was preventing that from happening by not breathing at all. “Put it in park.”

“... Right.” He pulled the gear shift and turned the keys. The car settled.

Slowly, Roxas unbuckled his seat belt. “First, I'm sorry for bringing you way out here...”

“To axe murder me?”

“To be alone for a bit.” Damn it. He'd rehearsed in his head how he wanted to go about this, and now he'd forgotten it all. “So... there's something I want to try...”

It'd been long enough since their last non-platonic encounter that Axel only had some idea what he could be getting at. “What kind of 'something'?”

“This obviously isn't going to just go away... I get it...”

Axel contained a snort. So it _was_ about that.

“You want me to say it, right?” Roxas looked at him, wildly clawing up confidence from the furthest reaches of his gut. “That I want to do this... Whatever it was we were doing. But right now I just want to know if I can get through it once without completely freaking out...”

“What exactly do you wanna 'get through'?” Axel inquired, not wanting to mentally jump the gun. He'd just about written off everything between them as being a complete lost cause, and whether it was a bad idea or not, his libido was one hundred percent on board.

“... Thought I'd leave that up to you, since this is a long shot to begin with,” Roxas confessed.

“No good. I have no idea how far is 'too far', with you.” Axel crossed his arms, almost accusing. “You already left me high and dry once, after frotting.”

“After-... What, sorry?”

“After you and I got grindy and you came all over me.”

Well, if that hadn't been the most embarrassing way he could've put that. “... Right. Something like that is fine, too, but... Got to know what you're willing to do, too...”

Axel sighed, mulling it over. “I was willing to suck you off, before. I'm still willing to. Less likely to make a mess of my car, if I swallow...”

Thinking back to that night, a spike of intrigued accompanied the image of Axel between his legs. It wasn't something Roxas had an easy time forgetting. “Then, that,” he decided quickly. “I was too freaked out before, but I want to try.”

Axel unbuckled his seat belt. “Move your seat all the way back.”

Reaching for the lever, Roxas slid himself back once he found it, regarding Axel like a deer in headlights. “That's it? You're cool?”

“For the moment. Only because you're being pretty up-front about this.” Privately, Axel was kind of jittery and unsure what doing this _again_ might be leading to, but he wasn't going to let on about it. He clambered over the gear shift and got on the floor, not having as much room as he would've liked but not complaining, either.

Knowing that he was admitting to wanting Axel was more terrifying than the act itself. Roxas was tense, taking a moment to realize he should undress. “Uh...”

“I got it,” Axel lowered his voice and took over unzipping his fly. “You concentrate on being cool about this.”

Chills ran through him again, and Roxas quickly glanced out the windows. Nothing but trees and empty road. “Sure...”

Clothing was pulled out of the way, and a warm hand ran over his cock. From the moment he'd suggested this, whatever 'this' really was, Roxas had started to harden, but nerves dampened pleasurable sensation. So long as Axel was just going to use his hand, he wanted something familiar to keep himself together.

“Come here...” Roxas grabbed a handful of Axel's jacket and tugged him close enough to kiss. It was softer and less coordinated to start with, but Axel got over his fumbling stage with relative ease. Steadily taking control and getting into it, Axel deepened the kiss and began to stroke him, slowly unfreezing Roxas's limbs.

He needed that. Roxas needed to trust that Axel knew what he was doing. Hands relaxing, they left Axel's jacket to drift up to his neck instead. The warmth and size of his hands was already putting Roxas's masturbation technique to shame, prompting a small groan that resonated in the tight space.

Things were becoming comfortable – as comfortable as they could be with the incessant buzz under his skin – and Roxas tilted his head up to respond to the kiss with more heat. So long as they were locked around each other like this, he could forget that he was getting hard in Axel's hand, forget the cramped space and the world outside.

Axel sucked his lower lip and broke away slightly. “Still good?”

The only way _Axel_ was staying 'okay' was with reminders that Roxas had been the initiator.

Roxas wished they hadn’t paused, practically hearing the seconds ticking down to when he’d panic and bail. His nod was slight, angling to recapture the kiss before his mind could catch up with him.  Strokes light, Axel began to move his hand faster, making Roxas shiver.

“Nn-...”

He was reciprocating more now, remembering things he wanted to try with his tongue. Axel made a quiet sound of his own that went right to Roxas's groin.

His need had grown incessant enough to push into Axel's hand, and that was signal enough. Axel's hand slipped away.

“Sit back,” he instructed, sitting up and licking his lips.

Roxas met his eyes briefly before he did as he was told, trying not to let anticipation build up at all – good or bad. Still, there was a bolt of reflexive panic when Axel's tongue dragged around the head.

Closing his eyes helped, a little. Roxas's nails scraped the seat for want of something to cling to, and Axel guided hands into his hair. He got a grip on his roots, only just remembering he could do that, and let out a deep exhale.

“Nnh...”

They were going slow. That was good. With anyone else, Axel would've felt like he was teasing... but he didn't think Roxas could handle anything faster than the light licks he was giving him. It was more than stimulating enough for him right now, and Roxas breathed a bit faster, tilting his head back.

Axel began focusing his attentions to the tip, tongue sweeping gently across the slit, and Roxas's moan was sharp. His hands tightened to the point of pulling Axel aimlessly 'closer', and given that there was nowhere else to go...

He was ready enough. Axel parted his lips around the head, and sucked.

“ _Mm_...” The rush of tingling heat, the warmth engulfing him, it was bringing him close to the edge faster than Roxas had ever experienced in his life. “Hey -”

Axel drew back with another small lick. “Yeah?”

Roxas opened his eyes and regretted the immediate jolt he felt, looking down at Axel's face. Lips slick and cheeks flushed, and something… something about his eyes he couldn’t put a name to. Momentarily, he was struck dumb.

“Want me to stop?”

“No, I -...” Roxas pulled at him again. “I'm just close to...”

Smirking, Axel resisted his desire to ask 'already?' and started to swallow him right to the base. Despite not saying it, Roxas still got the sense he should be irritated until all thoughts were wiped from his mind.

“Ngh-...!” Clamping his teeth together to keep himself from getting louder, Roxas's legs twitched in the uncertainty of what he wanted to do with them – open them wider, close himself in -

“Mmn,” Axel hummed, helping by seizing Roxas's legs and keeping them still, and that was all he could take. Roxas's back arched, hips bucking shallowly, and eyes opening to confirm that Axel really wasn't pulling away – he was swallowing, and Roxas's surprise was dampened by the _rush_.

His orgasm lasted ages and was over too quickly. Silent in the aftermath, Roxas watched Axel lick his lips clean and carefully ease himself out from between his legs, dropping into the driver's seat and stretching his legs with a sound of relief.

Breath evening out, Roxas gripped the edges of his seat and finally looked away. “Fuck...”

Unzipping his jeans, Axel glanced his way. “That a good 'fuck' or a bad one?”

“Don't know...”

“... Are you gonna leave me hanging again?”

Pulling his pants back into place, Roxas steeled himself and turned towards him. “No, I can still...”

“You sure?” Axel balked a little, himself, uncomfortable with the idea that he was pressuring Roxas. Still, he was nodding.

“You might have to walk me through it...”

“I didn't bring lube... Saliva might do if we really need something, I guess...” Axel slid his jeans down and took his erection briefly in hand. Roxas's eyes followed the path of his hand, then snapped abruptly to somewhere around his shoulder as another wave of panic rose in his throat.

“Let's start by being able to _look_ at me.”

“What? I can do that.” Roxas defended, looking purposefully into his eyes.

“Not my face, Rox.”

… It'd be too awkward to just... look down. Now that Axel had _said_ it...

Swallowing hard, Roxas crawled over the divide between them with minimal help, winding up straddling Axel's lap. It wasn't any better than getting an eyeful, and Roxas hesitated. Encouraging kisses were pressed to his throat, though, and Axel was giving him all the time he needed to get acquainted with this, so he wasn't panicking yet.

Lifting his hands, he drifted them down Axel's chest unable to do much feeling through his clothes. There wasn't a lot of definition, he knew, unless one counted his rib cage, and his body heat only permeated the material so much, but... touching wasn't unpleasant.

“Good,” Axel muttered once they started getting lower. “Just keep going...”

Still not looking where he was going, Roxas's wrist brushed the head of his cock sooner than he'd prepared for. Likewise unprepared, Axel's breath caught.

Did he stop, pull away, explain that he didn't mean to do that? Or just... go with it?

“It's okay,” Axel nipped his jaw. “Light like that's good to start...”

Closing his eyes, Roxas steadied himself and slowly ran his fingers down along the shaft. This should be just like touching himself – not a big deal. Axel's unusual warmth was helping, and Roxas's touches were fleeting.

“You're doing good,” Axel exhaled, sinking back a little. He knew Roxas wasn't deliberately teasing, but he pretended otherwise until he gradually started to stroke him. “Nn, you've got this...”

He'd all but purred, and Roxas was spurred on by his voice. He wasn't nearly as intimidated as he expected to be, and it wasn't too hard to find a rhythm. The angle was strange and the strokes of his hand were... longer, by necessity, but it was a simple motion.

One hand coming to rest on the back of Roxas's neck, Axel leaned in and sucked lightly below his pulse, responding to little spikes of pleasure with nips and kisses. It soothed his nerves a little more, even making him hiss and grip harder when Axel gave him a small bite.

To his surprise, Axel's hips twitched with a short, breathless noise, and Roxas paused. He glanced at his face, trying to discern if that was a bad sound or a _good_ one.

“That's good, not too tight but-... It's good, keep going...”

Okay... More like that. Easy. Roxas took his hand away briefly, spat into his palm, and tried to find the level of firmness to his grasp that he liked.

“That's good,” Axel repeated lowly, and resumed his attentions to his throat. Leaning into him, Roxas averted his eyes to keep them over his shoulder, too uncomfortable to look anywhere else. He picked up the pace of his strokes.

It was getting warmer, but it still wasn't enough; Roxas's inexperience was kind of working against them both. Sexy thoughts – Axel just needed sexy thoughts.

His mind immediately went to their make-out session in the closet, and he groaned.

Shutting his eyes and leaning into Axel's shoulder, Roxas lowered his other hand to give attention to the head, trying to speed things up. Heat spiked and Axel shuddered, starting to feel the pressure mounting, and Roxas correctly interpreted that to be a good sign. He sat back, coming face to face with Axel in the process.

Axel wasn't expecting to see his expression. He expected the hot jolt between his legs even less. “ _Ngh_...”

Not having meant to meet his eyes, Roxas faltered, nearly losing his nerve.

“Shit, don't stop...”

“I wasn't gonna,” he claimed immediately, squeezing gently to prove his point.

“Mn, good...”

Now a bit defiant, Roxas leaned into him again, mouth at his throat and hands running over him. Panic was pushed down, not as important as getting through this, proving he _could_...

“Fu- _uck_ , I'm getting close – You're doing really good, didn't actually think you'd ever-... _Ngh_ , Roxas...”

Axel's hips twitched, and he was spilling over Roxas's hands, into them, and Roxas froze.

Sinking into his seat, boneless, Axel barely caught his breath before saying, “You're fine... Don't freak out...”

“Shit,” he said quietly, screwing his eyes shut.

“Breathe slow and just... Don't freak, please?”

Roxas managed to look at him again after a moment, and somehow he knew just what he needed. He swooped forward to kiss him, and the familiarity helped. Even if Axel was a guy, it was still bringing him back down from the precipice of melting down he'd almost reached, pushing all of his anxiety against Axel's lips.

Eventually, he lost the energy needed to hyperventilate and tilted his head down, breaking the kiss. His sullied hands had dropped to his sides, uncertain what to do with them.

Methodically, Axel breathed. He got a good grip on his dizzied thoughts, and murmured, “D'you want to, like... get ice cream or something?”

He was surprised to find that that sounded like a _really_ good idea. “Ice cream? Uh, sure.”

“Cool,” Axel kissed his cheek. “I’ve got tissues in the back seat, if you want to...”

Roxas's hearing had almost failed after the weirdly affectionate gesture, but he caught the gist. “Yeah, I'll...”

They had to do some awkward shifting around to prevent Roxas from kneeling on Axel's junk. He almost tumbled back into the passenger seat, tissues balled up in his hands and cleaning his fingers, both rapid and meticulous.

“Where do I toss this?”

“Out the window?” Axel suggested. “I don't have a place in here to throw shit out.”

“Like I care where these go,” Roxas agreed, and waited for Axel to start the car. He lowered the window and tossed them out among the trees. They were biodegradable – it was probably fine.

“... So...”

“What?” Roxas looked down for the lever to fix his seat.

“You okay?”

He shrugged. “Sort of. Better than a minute ago. You?”

“Good, if confused,” Axel replied, doing up his seat belt.

“It's that confusing?” Getting his seat into the right position, Roxas buckled himself in.

“You haven't even spoken to me in ages.”

“Things go bad sometimes when we talk, and was talking to you before now actually necessary?”

“It's not necessary to talk to me unless we're getting off,” Axel summarized flatly. “Really.”

He hadn't expected that to go over so badly. “I mean... we barely talk at home, anyway...”

Checking his rear view mirror, Axel reversed back onto the road and sighed. “Fine. That's true. But all things considered, this could've backfired on you hard. Reads a lot like more of the same bullshit as before.”

“... I know...”

“So? What was this about?”

“I told you. I wanted to know if I could do this.”

“Yeah, why?”

“Because you wanted me to give you an answer.” Roxas stared down at his hands. No one who didn't know better would be able to tell they were covered in another guy's jizz, a minute ago.

“This still isn't one, you know,” Axel pointed out.

“... Well. I was going to ask... if you wanted to make this kind of a thing.”

Axel glanced compulsively at him before putting his eyes back on the road. “Can you handle that?”

“... Is it okay if it stays like this?” Roxas shrugged. “Out of the house, I mean...”

“Might be hard to arrange that.”

“What's your idea, then?”

“Beats _me_. I was fine with the parents out of the house... But if you want to keep it outside, we've got the car.”

“This is better... It's not for long, anyway.”

So they were still going to stop, once their parents were married. That actually suited Axel better, to think of it that way – he didn't know how much more sneaking around he could juggle. “Yeah. That's true.”

“... We don't have to go out this far again, though.”

“Good,” Axel snorted. “This was ridiculous.”

“Yeah... well, I almost backed out a few times...”

“You could've said something.”

“Didn't want to risk it.”

“You've got to start talking to me, Rox...”

“Fine,” Roxas rolled his eyes. “We can talk with ice cream.”

“Now you _are_ talkin'.” Checking up ahead and behind him, Axel slowed to a crawl to pull his GPS up on his phone. “Geez, we are seriously in the middle of nowhere. Wanna pick a red-light district next time?”

“Why don't you pick the next spot.”

“Deal,” Axel grinned. “What if I choose, like... School? Basement blowjobs.”

“Bullshit.”

“Could crawl under a cafeteria table and suck you off there. Or, abandoned classroom?”

Rolling his eyes again, Roxas leaned forward to turn on the stereo.

Sounding immensely proud of himself, Axel declared, “Principal's office.”

Flicking through stations, Roxas ignored him.

“Nothing? What about... Chem lab?”

“Oh my god, shut up.”

Axel snickered. “I'd say you can shut me up, but I'm driving.”

Roxas groaned. _This_ was what he was signing himself up for...

“Hey, I'll buy you your ice cream.”

That seemed out of nowhere, and surprisingly nice. “Uh... if you say so.”

“I'm a gentleman, I know. How's sea salt?”

Roxas hesitated. “It was good the last time...”

“That's what I'm buying you,” Axel said with finality, taking the turn his GPS claimed would take them back to civilization. In the ensuing lull in the conversation, his mind drifted back to having Namine in the back seat, her probing questions. Asking what he felt about Roxas.

“... Hey...”

“Hm?” Roxas turned his head a little.

“Do you like me even remotely?”

“Why ask that now?”

“... Forget it,” Axel shrugged, containing a sigh with effort.

“Yeah, sure,” Roxas agreed, relieved not to answer.

He wasn't sure what he would've said.


	20. Chapter 20

Axel skipped his last class just to make sure he caught Roxas on the way out of his. It took half an hour of combing through classroom windows to pick out the right shade of blonde, and the rest of the time was spent milling in the hallway by the door on his phone. It was put away when the bell rang, and he lifted his head and waited.

“Hey.”

Not expecting anyone, Roxas was already reaching for his headphones when he was snagged by the sleeve. Startled, he lifted his head and stared at Axel accusingly before figuring out who'd stopped him. “Uh, yeah...?”

“You need a drive?”

“N-...” Getting it, Roxas made a great effort to drag his 'no' into a yes. “Ye-e-e-eah, actually...”

The modicum of tension that'd built up over the last hour fled Axel's shoulders. “Cool. We drop off Ven at home and then go do that thing.”

Desperately hoping he wasn't blushing, Roxas lied, “Fine. I don't need anything from my locker.”

Hopefully, Namine would forgive him; he'd encounter her there if he stopped by, and he couldn't think of an explanation that would get by her uncanny instincts. He tried to climb onto her mental wavelength and send apologies her way.

He'd need a _real_ drive tomorrow to get to school, his skateboard was in there...

“Follow me,” Axel inclined his head. “And, uh, think of something I need to drive you to. I've got nothin'.”

“You're kind of putting me on the spot here,” he muttered, mind already racing to the first feasible excuse.

Falling back enough to be heard, Axel's voice dropped to barely-audible over the din of chattering students. “Couldn't think of a better time. Driving you somewhere after school is at least easy to explain.”

“Fine, I'll think of something.” It was giving Roxas something to think about than what they were going to do. He didn't want to anticipate – not in _public_.

As they approached, Axel noted, “Then again, Ven might not even notice you.”

Not even bothering with pretense, Ven was standing in front of his open locker and getting completely absorbed in his phone, in one of his common text-sessions with either Terra, Aqua, or both. Roxas smirked, withholding a laugh.

“Hey,” Ven greeted, not yet looking up and taking a while to acknowledge Axel. “I'll be ready in... just a second...”

“Take your time.” Axel so did not mean that. He'd been combating a slew of sex-related thoughts since second period.

Wrapping up his text after another beat, Ven shut his locker without taking anything out of it. “Okay, I'm good. Oh. Hey, Roxas.” His eyes were suddenly wide. “Is someone dead?”

“No one's dead,” Roxas hastened to reassure him.

Ven relaxed. “So... you're coming home with us?”

“Yeah... sort of. I actually have somewhere to be. It's kind of far to use my skateboard.” He could feel a blush creeping up. Fight it down, fight it down...

“And I, being the good Samaritan that I am, volunteered the backseat,” Axel added. “You going home or to Terra's?”

“Home. Terra's out of town at a tournament today and tomorrow...”

“Home it is,” Axel declared, twirling his keys around one finger and shouldering his backpack. They made their way down to the lobby, Ven walking in step with Roxas.

“So, where are you going?” he questioned conversationally, talking for the sake of talking rather than out of suspicion. Still, for Roxas's gut reaction, he could have just grilled him on his whereabouts on the night of a crime.

“... Classmate's house. Group project.” That sounded plausible.

Ven tilted his head. “You couldn't go home with them?”

Fuck. “They take the bus.”

“Oh. You know, you can take the bus with them if the bus driver says it's okay.”

“Why bother when you have a chauffeur,” Axel contributed over his shoulder.

“Yeah, one I've barely used,” Roxas shrugged. “You know I hate school buses.”

“That's true.” Ven accepted that answer, mostly just surprised to see the two of them agreeing on anything.

They exited the school and crossed to the parking lot, and Ven waited at the back door for Axel to unlock the car. He got in and slid all the way to the opposite side rather than taking his usual passenger's side seat, and with a raised eyebrow, Roxas followed him in.

Both he and Axel were trying to keep their minds off sex, but it was that much more of a trial now that they were both actually in the car.

Starting the engine, Axel physically turned his body as he reversed at a snail's pace, needing to pay attention to the influx of pedestrians more than anything else. The increasingly warm weather had the irritating effect of increasing their willingness to take their time, no longer desperate to escape the outdoors. “Fuck, students everywhere...”

Used to the commentary, Ven replied, “Yeah, it's a school.”

“They'll probably just bounce off the hood,” Roxas suggested quietly.

Axel managed to reverse far enough to start turning the car towards the street. “Should I just mow 'em down? Like, fuck, it's a parking lot, not a crosswalk...”

“Dodging cars is a life skill they have to learn eventually,” Roxas half-grinned. Axel laughed, and then needed a second to be surprised that he laughed.

“Roxas, that's terrible,” Ven said, aghast.

“But true...”

“I wouldn't hurt anyone too bad, at this speed.” Axel waved a pack of girls forward impatiently, almost to the street.

“Teenagers are bouncy. They'll be fine.”

“See, Roxas knows what I'm talking about.”

Ven gaped at them both. “This is actually why you shouldn't drive together...”

“It's fine, I'm pretty sure I can outrun a cop,” Axel jested.

Roxas didn't doubt that he could... and probably had, knowing his track record with the law. He diverted his eyes to the window.

“If you guys commit a crime, I'm not defending you to Mom and Dad – I mean, sorry -” Ven started to correct himself. He was slipping and calling Aerith that more and more often.

“Dude, you can call her 'Mom',” Axel said. “I do it all the time.”

“Are you sure? I don't wanna like, move in on your spot...”

“Too late, you're already younger,” Roxas told him flatly. He sort of wished Ven _wouldn't_ call Aerith 'mom'.

“I don't care,” Axel shrugged. “I think it makes her happy.”

Ven perked up a bit. “Okay. But don't think I forgot what we were talking about – if Roxas gets a mugshot, then I'm in trouble, too.”

“We don't have identical fingerprints.”

“They might be close enough. My law class says that twins' prints can be mistaken for each other's,” Axel chimed in.

“See? I'm not going to jail for you, Roxas.”

Containing his incredulity that Axel took _law_ , Roxas sighed. “I _guess_ I can withhold on the illegal activity for your sake. But you owe me.”

Axel bit his tongue, aware that mentioning the drinking and public sex might be something of a tip-off that even innocent Ven couldn't ignore. Ven, proving himself not to innocent, shoved Roxas a little and started a war in doing so. The two of them shoved at each other until Axel started a new train to the conversation.

“So, this tournament-thing Terra's in, is it a big deal?”

That stopped the fight, as Ven was eager to talk about that. “It's like... the third-biggest deal of the year. He's defending his title from last time, actually, but also its the first time he's got his own students entering the lower levels, so... yeah, it's a _pretty_ big deal.”

Having no idea what that meant for him, Axel whistled low anyway. “Think he'll win?”

“I'm sure,” Ven said, completely assured. “But... between you and me, if Aqua hadn't moved up, he'd have serious competition.”

Having known Terra and Aqua about as long as Ven had (though not as closely), Roxas's interest was vaguely captured. “Aqua's national level, isn't she?”

Ven nodded proudly. “And like... smashing records for her category. Terra acts like he's jealous, but I think he's really just happy one of them made it.”

Suddenly, Axel was kind of jealous. He couldn't even fathom having such a bond with someone when he had to struggle to keep _casual_ friends – Marluxia was only good for a fuck, Larxene's company was intolerable unless in a group, and he barely saw Zexion or Demyx outside of school.

“No matter what he says, it's great advertising for the dojo,” Ven went on. “And I think what both of them really want is to give Master Eraqus a good... you know, legacy. Me and Roxas’s class got to train with him for a little while, but really they're the last two who'd qualify as his students...”

“Ah. Yeah.” Axel knew that name, and the thread of discomfort lacing the air at the sound of his name. He didn't know how to act when people talked about dead loved ones.

Uncomfortable, Roxas spoke just to say something. “Well, they're doing that.”

“That's what I keep saying,” Ven nodded, and nattered on about tournament regulations and point systems all the way home.

They were both glad he did. Eventually, the awkwardness dissolved as much as it could when Roxas and Axel were sharing a confined space.

When they pulled up in front of the house, Ven grabbed his bag. “Okay, see you guys later. Should I say you won't be home for dinner?”

“Uh...” Roxas was caught off guard.

“Maybe. I'm gonna go hang with Marluxia, so I might be late,” said Axel.

Even knowing full well that was a lie, Roxas felt a twinge of annoyance. “I, uh, have no idea how long this will take, but I'll eat leftovers if I'm back late.”

“Okay!” Ven was a tiny bit disappointed that no one was going to be around, but he didn't fool himself by thinking they'd have spent time together anyway. Getting out, he waved to them both. “Thanks for the drive, Axel.”

“Anytime, you know the drill,” Axel nodded, and they watched him go. He didn't pull away from the curb until Ven was inside, and let out an explosive sigh.

He glanced at Roxas in the rearview mirror.

“... More to the point, I've been thinking about sucking you off almost all day.”

Roxas choked on saliva and tried to clear his throat. All attempts at suppressing arousal had just been rendered pointless. “Isn't that something you're supposed to fantasize about being on the receiving end?”

“I do that, too,” Axel smirked.

He wasn't sure why he'd even asked. “... Right.”

“But mostly I was thinking about you twitching and making those sexy sounds, like you're trying not to moan, but you suck at that so I hear it anyway. _That's_ a fun image.”

“Well-... sorry for trying to be mindful of the small space,” Roxas swallowed, temperature spiking.

“I've long since forgiven you. Stay in the backseat when we park, by the way. More room.”

“Yeah, I was going to say if you didn't.” Roxas looked out the window as they traveled down the west end of suburbia. “Where are we going, anyway?”

“Other side of town where people don't park, and then I'm gonna park anyway.”

“Is anyone going to notice?”

“Only if I'm blocking an emergency exit or something,” Axel dismissed.

“... 'Kay. If you actually get me arrested, you're gonna have to start sleeping with one eye open,” Roxas warned.

“S'long as we're sleeping together, sexy.”

Roxas rolled his eyes and grumbled. Axel took a left.

The houses they were passing were becoming narrower and closer together all the time, the occasional playground sad-looking with no one occupying them.

“Before we park, though... You still okay doing the kind of thing we did before?”

Roxas didn't see how he had any cause to protest. “It's cool with me... I don't know what it is for you. Not like I have any idea what I'm doing...”

“You knew well enough last time,” Axel rebuffed. “If you freak out, though, I'll handle my own orgasm. I've had years of practice.”

Just _talking_ about it was making him anxious, but Roxas still didn't want to say no. “If you say so.”

“Just... I won't make you do anything, alright?”

“Yeah, I got that. I didn't think you were gonna.”

“Aw, that's sweet,” Axel crooned. “You don't think I'm a complete asshole.”

“You're still a complete asshole,” Roxas shot him down. “Just not, like... evil.”

Axel still seemed to take that as a win. “That's better than what you used to think.”

“I guess we're making progress.”

“We'll be kissing and making up before you know it,” he declared.

“That's the plan.” Roxas slowed his breathing consciously. He wasn't going to let himself get worked up yet, in any sense of the word.

They were in the right place, now; Axel had used to come around these back lots to drink, since no one cared to check on them but store employees on their smoke break. They were behind a strip mall, and the few cars that littered the place were used by the people working and delivery trucks. So long as they parked far enough away from any doors, they'd be safe. With a triumphant sound, Axel looped around a cluster of cars to put a little more distance between them before parking.

They couldn't even see the street. The lot felt strangely enclosed and untouched by the rest of the world.

“We can't see them, they can't see us,” Axel claimed victoriously. “We good here?”

“Doubt anyone would be _looking_ ,” Roxas agreed, unbuckling. He took another deep breath as Axel got out of the front seat to walk around to the back.

There was no reason to back out, he told himself. The slight bulge in his jeans couldn't give him a single reason why he should.

“Way better, room-wise...” Axel shut the door and glanced at him. “So, wanna make out?”

“Usually.”

Oh _fuck_ why did he speak without thinking?

Grinning, Axel pulled him into a kiss and Roxas forced himself to forget his blunder. Their practice was paying off after doing this so much, figuring each other out and finding the right angles a lot quicker than the times before. Tugging his leg out of his backpack strap where it had somehow managed to tangle itself and swinging it over Axel's lap, Roxas let the kiss go to reposition himself, facing him.

“You keep getting hotter, you know that?” Axel breathed, holding onto his collar as he captured the kiss. Despite trying not to let that go to his... well, 'head' applied in both meanings of the word... Roxas felt more heated on contact, stretching his arms onto the ledge behind Axel's head to prevent them from being crushed awkwardly between them.

Hands slid down Roxas's chest, moving with firm purpose to his hips. Roxas would've been proud to say that he wasn't so far gone that he was moaning, but his breathing had grown heavy and he was feeling good enough to find his bold streak. Tilting his head, he traced Axel's lips with his tongue.

Enticed, Axel let his legs part a little and slid his hands back. He was already hard, and Roxas could _feel_ it but his panic was strangely absent. Something like smugness had replaced it.

 _He'd_ done that. Hell, Axel had probably been hiding a boner all day, thinking about _him_. If that wasn't cause to be smug, what was?

Axel sucked at his lower lip but was far more focused on squeezing his ass, and Roxas tried to bury a moan that he refused to believe had anything to do with the placement of his hands. He kissed harder and slid lower, supposedly getting out of Axel's grasp but really just giving himself something to grind against. God, his erection was _straining_ , the car was so hot...

“Pants,” Axel urged breathlessly, “in the way.”

Roxas was just relieved that he hadn't had to be the one to say it. “Yeah... one sec...”

Reaching down to unzip himself, he hesitated over Axel's fly, hand slipping away as his focus did. In all fairness, Axel had just wrapped a hand around his dick, and his attempt not to groan culminated in a far less dignified sound. His head tilted back, and Axel seized the presented opportunity to nip his neck.

Fuck, he had to have that spot memorized or something. As Axel started to stroke him, Roxas slipped a hand around the back of his head. “Shit, Axel...”

He purred in reply, hand moving slow. Roxas's grip tightened, holding him quite securely where he was and trying to move his hips with the warm hand. It didn't prove successful, essentially trapped by his jeans.

“Ngh.”

Axel was cruel enough to find that funny, but he wanted him enough to start coaxing him to move back after another, harder, nip to his neck. “Want me to suck you off?”

Roxas's breath caught and gave his words a more invested tone than he'd meant. “Mm, yeah...”

Still bound by tight denim, the shuffle to move back on the seat was a little difficult. Roxas had to duck his head to keep from colliding with the low ceiling, and was tipped backwards when Axel started removing his pants for him. With a strangled sound, he tipped back one way while his pants went the other.

“Ow...”

“Shit, sorry – you okay?” Axel sat up a little, trying to sort out what to do with himself.

“Ngh... yeah.” Roxas wedged himself up against the door, double-checking that it was locked. Pressing one of his bent knees to the seat, he braced the other on the back of the driver's seat and actually managed to provide more adequate room. Satisfied that they could move on, Axel climbed down to get between his legs and licked up his length, taking the head into his mouth and swirling his tongue.

Already, that was phenomenal. Roxas bit down on the inside of his cheek and moved one hand into Axel's hair. “Mm...”

There were nails against his scalp, evoking a pleasurable relief. Humming in approval, Axel slid his tongue down and moved his head shallowly, letting Roxas lift his hips.

“Ah-...” Last time, Roxas had barely reached this point before losing control. He was determined to get the most out of it, now. “Mn. _Fuck_...”

His grip twisted with a shiver as Axel took him deeper, sucked him harder. The pull made Axel moan, drawing it out deliberately and it _buzzed_ all the way up Roxas's body. Choking down another moan, he arched off the door.

The movement pressed his hips up again, and Axel knew what he wanted. He inhaled slowly through his nose, relaxed his throat, and swallowed at the first brush of Roxas's cock at the back of his throat. He took him right to the base, catching Roxas off guard with searing heat.

“Nn-...” Melting, Roxas was suddenly not so concerned with keeping quiet or contained. His other hand pressed against his eyes, sliding up through his hair. “Axel... what the fuck...”

What was he _doing_ to him?

Keeping him in his mouth for as long as possible, Axel drew back with a soft moan when he started to get dizzy. Roxas's leg slipped from the front seat, hanging awkwardly before he draped it over Axel's shoulder and pulled his hair for balance.

“ _Ah_... Yeah, keep doing that,” Axel groaned, licking around the tip to reward him.

“Nn...” Daring to look down at him, Roxas felt a rush of nerves to his gut, both good and bad. So long as he didn't think -

Readjusting his hand to a different spot on the back of Axel's head, Roxas tugged him down. He got the picture promptly, taking him back into his mouth and sucking at a steady pace, just letting Roxas thrust shallowly into his mouth.

Familiar heat was mounting fast. “God, like that is-... Ax-...”

He'd meant to give him a warning this time, but couldn't get the words out. They devolved into a shuddering groan, spilling into his mouth, and he didn't think he'd ever felt so hot in his life.

Licking and wiping his lips after swallowing, Axel kissed his thigh, his voice rougher from having taken him so far down his throat. “You're seriously gorgeous when you come.”

Roxas just let his voice wash over him without thinking, making an unintelligible sound. He let go of Axel's hair to slide his hands into his own, brushing it off his sweat-dampened forehead and neck.

He wasn't willing to return to the present just yet. Not with Axel kissing his hip and his legs still shaking.

Not disturbing him from his afterglow, Axel settled into the small space available and pulled his jeans enough to start stroking his own needy cock with a sharp exhale.

The bliss and buzzing in Roxas's head slowly faded enough to make him sit up and rearrange his legs, almost saying something but cutting himself off before he could do more than breathe. Silently, he picked up his underwear off the car floor.

Closing his eyes, Axel replayed the last few minutes over and over again in his head, letting himself get close; it wasn't hard, he was so pent up... “ _Ngh_...”

“Uh... should I...?” Roxas glanced at him.

Eyes opening and given pause, Axel purred, “If you're conscious enough.”

Roxas reddened. “I'm-... Yeah... but you seem to be doing fine...”

“You don't have to take over, but if you wanna do... anything... Anything is good...”

“Anything...?” Leaving his pants for the moment, Roxas slid across the seat to get closer to him.

“Whatever you want, just don't be a jerk,” Axel affirmed, starting to stroke again.

“How was I going to be – never mind.” He decided not to replace Axel's hand – it looked like he... had a better grasp on the situation than Roxas would – and instead braced his hands on his chest, leaning in to nip Axel's throat.

“I mean don't _tease_ ,” Axel clarified, humming.

Lips still against his throat, Roxas's irritation was difficult to communicate muffled. “Why not just _say_ what you want?”

“I don't _know_ what I want, I want...” Axel's breath caught audibly. “You, you's good...”

Roxas hesitated, not sure how to interpret that.

Annoyed, Axel groaned. “Or just stop doing anything, but in that case, I'll go back to fantasizing.”

“S'nothing,” Roxas shook his head and slid a leg over Axel's, not quite straddling it, and ran his hand down to his ribs. Unconsciously, Axel had slowed his pace to tease himself, wanting to know what Roxas would do.

His knee was between Axel's without pushing close enough to touch and his mouth returned to his throat, trying to find the approximately the same spot that affected him the most. Roxas sucked at the spot on his throat, taking it as a good sign when Axel tilted his head and picked up the pace of his hand.

“Nn... Damn,” Axel moaned, breath hitching. Roxas's hands had gone to the hair at the nape of his neck, pulling with the certainty that he was into that, mouth roving higher with his teeth scraping over skin. “Yeah, that's good... Like that, 'm gonna...”

Roxas shut his eyes and bit down.

Axel barely kept the presence of mind to keep his spend contained to his hand, moan loud and face flushed. Hand falling from Axel's hair to his shoulder, Roxas went stock still, not sure what to _do_ with himself until Axel was sinking back, satisfied.

Drawing back, Roxas licked his lips, noting first that they felt a bit swollen. Then he glimpsed the dark marks scattered across Axel's throat.

“Oh-... uh, shit...”

“Hn?” Axel opened his eyes, having let them drift closed.

“You're sort of...” Roxas touched his own neck to indicate, and Axel took a second to understand.

“... Oh. Don't worry about it, I'll tell my mom Larxene did it... She already thought we were dating.”

Roxas frowned a little. “Sure. That works...”

“If Marluxia or someone asks, what d'you want me to say?” Axel smirked.

“I guess someone else...?” Roxas shrugged.

“Want me to credit someone Marly hates? We might as well piss him off.”

Admittedly, the prospect sounded like a plus. “If you've got someone in mind.”

“He hates loads of people, I'll give one of them credit.” Axel started to clean off his hands. “I can also cover 'em up, if we get back before my mom does.”

“Sure, if you can do that,” Roxas agreed. He rolled off him to grab his discarded jeans.

“Done it before and I will no doubt do it again.”

He tried not to think on the implications of that statement either way. Roxas just went about straining to maneuver his legs into his pants.

“Here,” Axel zipped up his fly. “I'll give you more room...”

He checked the coast was clear before getting out of the car and climbing back into the front seat, Roxas stretching out across the back seat to continue his struggle. He felt and sounded like getting dressed was a workout all on its own.

Shutting the doors and locking them again, Axel declared, “I need a bigger car.”

“I need to learn to drive,” Roxas muttered, finally zipping up and cramming his feet back into his shoes. He got out to sit in the passenger's side, Axel rolling down the windows to air out the smell of sex.

“... So, we don't have to go _right_ home,” he started, watching Roxas fix his mussed hair in a side mirror. “I'm kind of putting off homework.”

“Hasn't been long enough for my 'group project' story to fly, either.” Roxas glanced at him. “You got somewhere in mind to go?”

“Not exactly... Movie?” Axel proposed, shrugging. “Not hungry enough to go for food, but overpriced snacks and mindless violence might hit the spot.”

Roxas hadn't actually expected a _good_ suggestion. “Uh... yeah. Movie sounds good.”

“Cool.” Checking his mirrors, Axel started the car but got distracted by his neck, starting to laugh.

“What?”

“It looks like you were trying to _draw blood_ , holy shit.” He began to reverse out of his parking spot.

Roxas went red. “It's that bad?”

“It's _awesome_ , I like rough.”

“I guessed.” Roxas wasn't sure what that meant about _him_. He muttered, “It didn't feel like I was doing that at the time...”

“Means you were giving me what I want,” Axel reassured him. “S'all I care.”

“So you're saying I should keep doing that?”

“Fuck yes. Unless you don't want to,” he amended quickly.

“I'm not _that_ freaked out, it's just your neck...”

“Some people get freaked out by that stuff.”

“Well, if _you_ freaked out, yeah... but you said you liked it, so...”

Roxas had kind of liked it, too.

He wondered when he'd stop tingling.


	21. Chapter 21

Axel was going to use his weekend as nature demanded: doing nothing at all. Blankets kicked down around his legs and dragging a pillow over his face, he was dozing his way into a state of almost-unconscious, until he was rudely interrupted by a knock on his bedroom door.

He responded with a noise that was completely incomprehensible. Surely whoever was disturbing him didn't realize it was still _early_.

That was good enough of a response for Roxas to poke his head in the door, anyway. “Hey,” he whispered. “You awake?”

What came out of Axel's mouth was either a grumble, a whine, or both.

“I need you to drive me somewhere,” Roxas hissed. In choosing his clothing, he definitely had _not_ taken into account how easy they would be to remove, and he had _not_ woken up earlier than usual on a Saturday to style his hair and get some things together. His backpack was waiting at the top of the stairs, and his jeans were the baggiest ones he owned, but he would have argued to the death to make sure anyone who asked thought it was coincidence.

Pulling the pillow of his face, Axel opened his eyes with a great deal more willingness to be alert. His voice was still a little rough with sleep. “Yeah? … How bad d'you need this drive? Can I get ready, or should I go like this?”

Axel was barely dressed. Pretending not to know what he meant or that it made him blush, Roxas replied, “I want to get going before everyone else is up.”

“Sure,” he fought down a yawn, sitting up and stretching. “Ten minutes.”

“You got it.” What the hell was he going to do to keep himself from lingering on nervous thoughts for another ten minutes?

Picking up his bag, Roxas went downstairs to try eating something small, just in case everything went horribly wrong or his stomach decided to be picky on the road. He dropped bread lazily into the toaster and dragged out the family sized carton of chocolate milk, pouring himself a glass and considering doing the same for Axel.

Did Axel like chocolate milk? Suddenly, he couldn't remember whether or not he'd ever seen him drink any. It'd probably be weird to prepare him one, anyway.

His toast popped, and Roxas grabbed the two pieces to spread butter and jam on both slices, shamelessly unhealthy for the sake of more sugar. It was about then that Axel wandered into the kitchen, teeth brushed and hair wild, fully dressed with quick eyeliner done. His brown roots were starting to show and his shirt was so rumpled that Roxas couldn't make out what the name was on the band tee, but the addition of make-up made everything about Axel's look seem intentional.

“That seems excessive,” Axel observed, eyeing his toast on the way to open the fridge. “... Who'm I kidding. I live for excessive.”

Chewing a huge bite, Roxas shrugged in an affirmative sort of way.

“Mind if I grab a bite of that?”

He swallowed. “You can have the other one if you want.”

“Cool. Thanks.” Grabbing the other piece of toast, Axel gave the fridge door a push to let gravity do the work of closing it. He put about half of it in his mouth in one go.

Roxas couldn't claim to be any better, polishing off his toast in four bites and picking up his milk. He swigged it back, draining the glass pretty quick.

“Ugh,” Axel swallowed with some difficulty. “Water.”

Roxas obligingly pointed at the tap.

“Thank you. I wouldn't have known how to quench this thirst if not for you.”

“You're welcome.”

Filling up a glass to the top, Axel downed it all in one long go before eating the other half of his toast. Popping it into his mouth, he started filling the glass again and turned his head, watching Roxas pick up his bag and start going to the front door.

Why would he need his bag? Unless, of course, Axel was about to do some literal, no-ulterior-motives driving. Which, it wasn't like he minded, but he wouldn't have skipped putting on boxers if he'd known.

He finished up in the kitchen and approached the door to get his shoes on. Roxas had his skateboard tucked under his arm, leaning against the door frame.

“After you,” Axel offered, clicking the button to unlock the car.

“Thanks,” Roxas replied cautiously, getting the front door and going to make himself at home in the passenger's seat. Sliding the chair back and dropping his bag and skateboard at his feet, Roxas slouched down and got comfortable.

Climbing into the driver's side, Axel shut the door and started the engine. “Where to?”

“Right now? Convenience store.”

“Sure.” So it looked like this was an actual drive, not a 'drive'... which was disappointing, and he wished he'd kept his eyes to himself and not sent so many enthused signals to his dick.

The car reversed, and Roxas twisted his hands in his lap. Very unusually, he was starting to wish he was skilled in the art of small talk, just to make everything less awkward.

“... So why the skateboard?” Axel asked, pretty much at random.

“Why in general, or why bring it with me now?”

“Why'd you bring it?” he clarified.

“Obviously, so it looks like I went out on my own.”

Axel was vaguely impressed. “Clever.”

“That's pretty basic parent deception,” Roxas contradicted.

“Okay, in that case...” Axel's eyes flickered to him. “Is this a drive in which I get you off, or a drive where you get out?”

“I'm staying,” Roxas exhaled. “I'll explain in a minute, okay?”

Axel grinned. “Cool. So it _was_ a good call to go commando? I'm really just looking for some validation regarding my life choices.”

Roxas turned pink again. “That's your call, dude.”

With a snort, Axel refocused his attentions to the road. “Hey, want to turn on the radio or something?”

“For the drive to the corner store? It's like three blocks one way.”

“So? You can't appreciate music in a forty-second sample?”

“Go for it, then,” Roxas rolled his eyes.

Flicking the radio on, they were assaulted by some very emotional music accompanied by lyrics designed to appeal to pre-teen girls, about pretty faces and beautiful souls. The last station had been chosen by Ven, to Axel's chagrin.

“... I regret this decision...”

Roxas laughed despite his own distaste. Somehow, that felt like justice.

“We have got to start bringing music,” Axel commented, turning the radio off again.

“ _Can_ this car play mp3s?” Roxas was dubious. He had no idea how old this car was.

“If I get an aux cable, yeah.”

“Maybe next time, then.”

“And then we can put on a make-out playlist,” Axel concluded, grinning.

“If you use a teen movie soundtrack I can guarantee we'll never make out again,” Roxas threatened.

“What about Barry White?”

Roxas gave it some thought. “Only directly before or after the making out.”

“Sweet,” Axel crowed. “I vote before.”

“Great. That'll break the ice.”

“I have literally had your dick in my mouth, I think the ice is broken,” Axel pointed out. Roxas's ears burned, though a little of that heat made itself known between his legs.

“Yeah, well-... whatever.”

They'd reached the corner store, the street parking not nearly as barren as they might have hoped. Preemptively despairing the frustrating task ahead of him, Axel asked anyway, “Should I park?”

“If you can find it, yeah.”

“I could pull over long enough to try shoving a car out of the way,” Axel suggested, searching for any space large enough to slide in.

“I wouldn't try that much physical effort with no underwear.”

“Could be funny.”

“Enjoy that chaffing,” Roxas cajoled.

“Would you kiss it better?”

Roxas's voice caught in his throat, defeated. Smirking, Axel pulled up alongside another car to reverse into a spot, forced to parallel park. Once the gear was put in place and the ignition shut off, Roxas got out onto the sidewalk with a huff, patting his back pocket to make sure his wallet hadn't fallen out.

Axel got out to follow him. “What're we here for?”

“Not cigarettes or lottery tickets. Take a guess.” Roxas opened the door and headed in, preparing himself for a suspicious stare on his back the entire time. Giving off the impression of a punk kid had downsides.

“ _Would_ make clean up easier,” Axel mused in barely a mutter.

“Huh?”

“If we picked up condoms.”

Roxas managed not to sputter, even as his blush became a violent shade of red. He lowered his voice and clarified, “I was going for _snacks_ there.”

“My point stands,” Axel argued, but quickly became curious. “What, why snacks?”

“Because we might get hungry?” Roxas cleared his throat. “But... yeah. I guess we could get those, too.”

It hadn't occurred to Axel until now that they might not be going out solely to mess around, but he still wasn't sure what Roxas was intending. Still, best to just go along with it. “I'll buy 'em, if you want.”

“You'd better. And they'd better not be sketchy.”

Axel rolled his eyes as he went to check the selection. “'Sketchy'...”

Breaking off to look at the snacks, Roxas grabbed a bag of plain chips and scanned the candy and chocolates with a lot more deliberation, having distinctly more variety in his tastes when it came to sweet stuff. Several colorful bags were shoved under his arm.

Having grabbed a pack of condoms and some lube packets upon discovering they carried them, Axel approached to grab some spicy barbecue chips and whistled. “That's a lot of candy. Planning for a long trip, then?”

“This is a lot for two people?” Roxas asked blankly.

“For _most_ people, yeah.” Axel grabbed his chips anyway.

Roxas shook his head. “You didn't grow up with Ven.”

“Hell no, I earned my place as the spoiled only child.”

“Hey, take these to the counter,” Roxas instructed, piling everything into Axel's arms. “I'm getting more.”

“You're – huh. Okay.” Axel raised an eyebrow, wondering if he was amassing rations, and took everything up to the counter.

With his arms now free, Roxas collected a bag of pretzels and a couple of energy drinks, rounding everything off with some ice cream bars – sea salt, now that he'd gotten hooked on the flavor. Joining Axel by the cash, he heaped everything into a pile and watched the total climb with budding nervousness.

Rifling through his wallet, Roxas's stomach sank. If he wanted to hang onto emergency bus money... “Shit... I'm coming up a bit short.”

“It's cool, I got it.” Axel removed his debit card from his back pocket.

This really wasn't going the way he'd intended. “I'll give you what I've got for now and owe you the rest?”

“You don't have to, y'know.”

“Nah. I dragged you out, and it's not like I've been paying gas.”

“Didn't _drag_ me,” Axel countered, but took the money anyway. Probably because Roxas had a point, when it came to the gas costs.

Roxas wasn't sure what the implication there was, or if there was one. “Well, got you to get up and get dressed anyway.”

“Good point,” Axel frowned good-naturedly. “Fuck you.”

Determinedly, Roxas did not turn that into a double entendre, and looked away when the condoms were scanned as though it wouldn't make him an accomplice to their purchase. Everything was loaded up into a couple of bags and they headed back to the car.

“Seriously, though, why did we get so much food?” Axel inquired, getting back in. Roxas didn't respond until he was in his seat and buried among snack foods.

“I just had this thought that... y'know, it's Saturday. We don't have to be anywhere,” he began tentatively. “And I dunno about you, but I normally spend my Saturdays vegging out, so why give that up?”

“... Valid.” More surprised than he was letting on, Axel started the car with a noise of consideration.

So Roxas just wanted to... hang out, with him. That was new.

“So, yeah. If you're into it we can find a spot and do that...” In a rush, Roxas tacked on, “Probably with making out included, or whatever.”

“Yeah, let's do that,” Axel nodded, anticipation overcoming any impending annoyance with the cars parked in front and behind him.

So, this was... a date.

No, not a _date_ – they were going to spend some totally normal time together, with kissing. That was... kind of cool, maybe.

Roxas leaned back in his seat and tried to steer the conversation back to casual. “So, Barry White...”

 

* * *

 

 

On the outskirts of town, there was little more than industrial buildings and empty lots – pretty much ideal. Roxas nodded slightly in approval of Axel's choice.

“Pretty good, y'think?”

“Better than some back woods,” Roxas commented.

Going by Axel's grin, saying that might have been a mistake. “... Next time, back woods. With our own custom soundtrack. We could go full-on sexy cliché.”

Roxas tilted his head back with a put-upon sigh. “Fine. You're on. But if I get killed by a slasher, I will haunt the shit out of you in the sequel.”

“That's only fair. I expect nothing less.” Axel turned off the ignition. “Backseat?”

“Obviously. Help me move all this stuff back.”

“On it.” Axel leaned over him to pick things up off the floor, and considered stealing a kiss, what with their proximity.

No, work up to that. They were going to hang out, and the kissing would happen at some point.

Only the skateboard remained in the front seat, Roxas dragging his backpack and the rest of the convenience store bags to the back of the car.

“Hey – want to just give me the bags? You can get in the back,” Axel suggested, putting the majority of their stuff back in the trunk.

“Sure.” Roxas handed the plastic bags over, freeing his hands up to open the car door.

“See this? This is what any chauffeur would call full service.”

“So what does the rest count as?”

“Complimentary care,” Axel replied. “Because you're hot.”

With a snort, Roxas climbed into the back. Axel almost closed the trunk without remembering to fish the condoms and lube out of the bags.

“Oh, wait, fuck -” Likewise about to close the door, Roxas stopped and pointed. “Ice cream!”

“Shit! Right.”

“Ice cream's first. Very important.” Shutting the car door, Roxas sat and unzipped his bag to remove his laptop. He rested it on his legs, waking it from sleep while Axel retrieved the last of the immediate necessities and got into the backseat beside him.

“So... what're we doing?” Axel questioned, settling back and putting a rearranged bag on the floor.

“Eating ice cream, first and foremost. But, uh, if you want to... this'll last a few hours on a charge.” Roxas opened his folder of bootlegged movies. “Could make this procrastinating official.”

Feeling increasingly at ease, Axel leaned forward to get a look at the monitor. “Sweet. What've you got?”

“A lot. Wanna narrow it down to a genre?”

“I vote shitty action flick.” Axel was kind of a sucker for overdone explosions.

“Got it.” Roxas double-clicked on one of the folders within a folder, having once spent an evening categorizing everything out of frustration. “Funny shitty action flick? Sci-fi shitty action flick? Classic, straight-up cliché violence?”

“Hm... You can never really go wrong with unabashed action porn...”

“At least you don't have to worry about following the plot,” Roxas noted.

“Hell, I could invent my own.”

“Especially if you watch it in another language with no subtitles.”

Axel smirked. “You have some good ideas.”

“I just get bored fast,” Roxas shrugged. “It's way better with soap operas, though. Action movies don't have enough dialogue for a made-up plot anyway.”

Rather than mock him for watching soap operas, which Axel considered doing for the span of a second, he had to admit to Roxas's genius. “Holy shit. Not like you could make 'em more ridiculous, anyway.”

“That's what makes it fun. Sadly, I don't have any soap operas on this.”

“We'll stick with action and ice cream.”

“Works for me.” Roxas selected the most mindlessly destructive movie he had at his disposal – rated R and not allowed, by Zack's standards, but he didn't have to know – and put it in full screen. “Gotta put this somewhere...”

“Hn...” Axel tried to set it up between the front seats, but found the screen too wide for the gap. “I s'pose if we-... Here, get closer to me...”

Trying to set it up at the other end instead, Axel brought Roxas against him and slid up against the door, which he conscientiously locked. Roxas tensed at first, but determined that leaning on Axel was more comfortable than trying to lounge against the door with no buffer.

“Relax, we're still clothed.” Axel shifted, trying to get comfortable. “Work for you?”

“Yeah, it's alright,” Roxas concluded, his leg sort of wound with Axel's.

“Pass me ice cream, would ya'?”

Leaning forward, Roxas plucked two ice cream bars out of the bag and sat up, letting Axel nab one of them. He did just that, with an impulsive kiss to the back of Roxas's neck.

“Thanks.”

The most startling thing was how natural that almost felt. Roxas quickly unwrapped his sea salt ice cream. “Yeah... There's another one in there with your name on it, unless you eat too slow.”

“Fuck you, race is on.”

The movie had already become background noise as the two of them became focused on devouring their ice cream, having various degrees of success when it came to savoring it and rushing at the same time. Roxas was pretty much a champ by necessity after living with Ven all his life, but Axel had unknowingly entered the bet with a handicap, as well.

The bar shrank in size each time Roxas stuck it in his mouth until he could fit the better part of it in all at once, periodically withdrawing it to lick up the softening drips. Axel realized way too late that his libido had taken an active interest.

In an impressively short amount of time, Roxas followed his pattern precisely until he raised the empty stick to wave victoriously in front of Axel's eyes.

“Show off,” he muttered, licking the end of his own ice cream.

“No shame in losing to a pro,” Roxas boasted, dropping the stick into the bag and picking up another bar.

“Who said anything about shame,” Axel countered, mind wandering. Roxas missed the implication, not even sure he heard him right over the tearing and crumpling of plastic.

“Sounded like a sore loss to me.”

“Blow me,” Axel retorted, halfway honest. Taking it as one hundred percent sarcastic, Roxas snorted halfheartedly and occupied his mouth his ice cream.

“Get me the second one?” Tossing the stick up front idly, Axel whistled. “A car would not explode like that unless the backseat was loaded with gunpowder.”

Roxas was barely paying the movie any attention. “Yeah, but gotta give the people what they paid for... Or, didn't pay for, in this case.” Grabbing the last ice cream bar, he dropped it over his shoulder and onto Axel's stomach. He felt him jump.

“Cold, shit -”

A slight sound betrayed Roxas's grin, and he went about eating his ice cream much more slowly.

Unwrapping it, Axel frowned. “I hope you realize that I'm gonna get revenge.”

“I'm shaking,” Roxas claimed flatly, amusement still lifting the corners of his mouth.

Axel purred. “That'll be part of it, yeah.”

He'd almost started tuning into the movie again. Head tilting just short of actually looking at Axel, Roxas glanced back at the screen so quickly it looked guilty. Casually, Axel started on his ice cream, and Roxas tongued his slower. He challenged himself to wait between licks to let his mouth defrost so as to properly absorb the taste, and started to let himself get comfortable... mentally, this time.

The heated presence of Axel at his back and his focus on the mindless rush of motion on the screen... They were kind of putting the part of his brain that told him to panic to sleep.

Axel tossed the second ice cream stick up to the front when he finished with it, and found his mouth completely unoccupied as a result. Careful, he leaned forward and kissed Roxas's neck, pausing to make sure it was okay.

Roxas paused mid-lick, playing it off as licking his lips clean.

“Want me to stop?”

“... No. That's an okay speed.”

With a quiet hum of acknowledgment, Axel started to dapple attentions to his neck, the contact warm and sort of fitting with whatever it was they were doing. His lips roamed, seeing what he'd respond to. He switched to the other side when Roxas breathed in slowly and tilted his head accordingly, and neither of them realized Roxas had stopped eating his ice cream. His teeth were digging into the exposed part of the stick.

Arms unconsciously slid around him, and Roxas tried not to read too much into that. His brain had seemingly reset, ignoring that they'd done a lot more touching than this before. He rested his arms gradually on top of Axel's, like he had nothing more in his head than finding the most comfortable position. There were teeth gently digging into his skin, and his muted breathing was shakier than he expected it to be.

The movie was forgotten, and Axel's tongue was soothing the spot he'd been nibbling. Roxas stiffened, and Axel stopped.

The moment passed without the electric feeling to respond to, and Roxas settled again, pretending they both hadn't noticed that.

Slowly, Axel licked the rosy spot he'd been enjoying. At the involuntary shudder, Axel's attentions focused there more deliberately.

Roxas had to admit to himself that this was definitely more than spontaneous and idle touches, now, but he wasn't willing to play into that yet. Tense, he redoubled his efforts to get absorbed in the movie, but very deliberately didn't move to pull away or halt Axel's progress.

Still, Axel paused with his lips halfway across his jaw, more uncertain that unusual. This felt more... intimate than usual, and he _liked_ it, but he wasn't sure how to tell whether or not Roxas did.

Letting out a heavy breath, Roxas seemed to lose all the strength to hold up his head, tipping it back until it met Axel's shoulder. Appraising him, Axel drew a hand up to run it through his hair.

Roxas had closed his eyes. He wasn't sure he wanted to see the way Axel was looking at him.

“... Hey...”

Almost sighing, Roxas cracked one eye open. “Hm?”

“You'll tell me to stop, right?”

“Yeah, but...”

“'But'?” Axel swallowed the tension that threatened to rise.

“Wanna give me a clue where this is going?”

“... Don't know,” Axel confessed. “I was kind of leaving that to you.”

“So... the plan was just to keep doing things 'til I said no to one of them?” Roxas clarified.

“Yeah. Pretty much.”

Roxas considered that with mixed feelings until a drop of ice cream landed on his leg. Jolted, he sat up and swore, having forgotten he hadn't finished off his bar and working to correct that... while also stalling for time.

Axel snorted. “Want me to lick that off?”

“You'd just be licking jeans,” Roxas mumbled around a rapidly liquefied bite.

“Dude, I'm trying to be sexy and you're wrecking it with facts.”

“Try again.”

“Could lick that spot again, instead...” Axel prompted him to tilt his chin. With a preemptive shiver that didn't quite make it to the surface of his skin, Roxas tilted his jaw to follow his fingers and was rewarded by Axel's tongue and teeth. He settled against him again, sucking the last remnants of his ice cream off the stick.

It blindsided him when Axel sucked hard, brief but sudden. With a gasp, he dropped the stick and his hands, and Axel licked the same spot more gently than ever.

Almost to himself, Roxas murmured, “How the fuck...”

“Mn?”

“Nothing.” Roxas shook his head slightly and tried to encourage the graze of his teeth.

“F'you say so.” Axel sucked again, hard, then softly, moving one arm to slide a hand up and down his leg. Roxas was starting to shift restlessly, starting to feel weird about just _sitting_ there but also feeling rooted to the spot. He kept trying to guess Axel's next move.

About to explore, Axel slowed things to a stop again and asked, “Can I take your shirt off?”

Nonsensically, Roxas's first concern was warmth. The interior was still well-heated even without the car being on, though, and with Axel up against him... heat was _not_ a concern. He made an affirmative sound and leaned forward to make it easier, needing to wriggle a bit to get out of it and narrowly avoiding elbowing Axel in the head.

“Shit...” Axel snickered, pulling Roxas closer again once it was off to slide his lips towards his shoulder.

Yeah, there was _no_ way he'd be at ease being idle. Roxas dragged his hands back and over Axel's thighs.

“Think we might have to put the laptop away before we break something...”

“Noise is kind of... good, though.” Roxas could scarcely believe how inadequate that statement turned out. The sound effects and music swells, the dialogue he was tuning right out... it was helping to keep him in the moment, not so much in his head.

But he couldn't just explain that.

“Yeah... Could put it on the floor, maybe?” Axel suggested, and bit down gently. Roxas almost jumped forward to get it.

“Floor works.”

Taking the opportunity to take off his own shirt, Axel watched Roxas arrange his laptop to sit safely between the back and front seats, turning up the volume a little to void the muffling effect. Then he slid back, now unsure whether he should return to his former position or face Axel instead.

Axel helped him decide by prompting him to turn, kissing him. Kneeling over him, Roxas tilted his head into it responsively but made certain there wasn't much contact otherwise. They could work back up to that, starting with Axel's hand sliding into his hair.

He was going to be the driving force behind the touching, Roxas vowed, and he'd get there when he got there.

The heat started to pick up again with a sharp suck to Roxas's lower lip. He squeezed Axel's shoulders a little, resisting his coaxing to come closer but responding with his tongue. His hands were drawn to the heat of his skin, sliding both up to massage the back of his neck.

Axel made a low sound of approval, hands roaming idly along Roxas's side instead of pulling him close. Roxas's lips parted around a moan, weak to the sting of Axel's teeth and giving in despite himself. Muscles shuddered and slackened, and Roxas sank against him.

“Mm... You taste like ice cream, y'know,” Axel muttered, pleased, and buried his lips against his neck.

“Yeah, so do you...” His fingertips pressed in a bit, directing him just a little. He hissed when his teeth scraped just the right spot, all but gripping his neck now, and Axel latched there with a short, blissful exhale.

Damn him, Axel _did_ know what that spot did to him. Fine – he could play dirty, too.

Fingers climbed up and scratched bluntly at the roots of Axel's hair, making him groan and his _need_ for something flare. He wanted some relief, or... pressure, or _something_.

Either picking up on it or needing it just as much, Roxas sank his weight into Axel's lap.

“ _Mm_...” Axel sucked harder and began to trail his hands down.

Breathing had become heavy and staggered, even though Roxas had no idea how was supposed to move. He let instinct do the work, hips moving to seek some reprieve every time Axel's mouth made his blood run hot, and Axel was liking _that_ just fine. He gave Roxas plenty of control, though one hand descended to carefully grip his ass.

The fingers in Axel's hair tightened. Roxas wasn't sure anymore if it was nervousness or pleasure or just reflex, because all he was sure of was that he was breaking out in restless tingling everywhere. One hand slipped lower and gripped the roots at the base of his skull, pulling at Axel and prompting him off his throat. With a purr, Axel followed his lead.

Briefly, it looked like Roxas was about to say something. Instead he recaptured the kiss, tongues immediately seeking each other out. He was starting to realize that he didn't have to just react – there was plenty he wanted to do, plenty of ways he could explore Axel's mouth. He tilted Axel's head back a bit to an angle he could work with, leaning forward but making a dissatisfied sound upon discovering that he couldn't kiss him the way he wanted to without pulling up out of his lap.

He wound up breaking their kiss to consider their position, thinking with just a degree of irritation that this wouldn't be an issue if Axel wasn't so damn _tall_.

“What're you thinking?”

Roxas sighed. “Come on,” he urged, leaning back and pulling Axel with him. The idea of having Axel on top of him didn't sit totally well, yet, but he'd also never really allowed it long enough to get comfortable... and he couldn't see any other way to keep going without frustrating himself.

Kissing Roxas when he could, Axel joined in the repositioning effort to line their bodies up, though the height difference didn't really allow him to settle the way he wanted to. Assuming he'd have a better idea of how to do this, Roxas decided to trust Axel, even when he got one leg between his. His back stiffened, but he bent the knee of his outside leg and opened up as much as the space allowed for.

“Just focus on getting off, alright?” Axel muttered against his mouth. “Relax.”

“I'm trying...”

Axel drew back a bit. “What's freaking you out?”

Averting his eyes, Roxas shrugged.

“... Wanna stop?”

“No, I just-...” Trailing off, Roxas's words devolved into a sound of frustration.

“Just what?”

“Just want to know what this is doing for you... what you even want...”

Axel's back straightened and he sighed. “What's it matter?”

Shifting to sit up on his elbows, Roxas spelled it out. “'Cause we're hiding out from parents, yeah, but we're not drunk in someone's closet anymore.”

“And what, you think I have to be drunk to make out with a guy? That's the great part about being rampantly homosexual.”

“That is completely and utterly not the point,” Roxas replied, irked.

“There's a point?”

“Yeah,” his eyes narrowed. “There's got to be some reason you're still doing this.”

Axel tried and failed to hide his defensiveness. “I get my rocks off corrupting you.”

“Uh-huh.” Roxas slid back and sat up against the door. “I know it's not because it's easy, because this is about the farthest thing from easy, and I'm not even-... experienced or _good_ or anything. And it's not just to indulge me, so, what?”

“... Fuck it, let's just go home...” Tense, Axel began to sit up. Roxas grabbed his arm.

“What the fuck, Axel?”

“What d'you _want_ me to say here?”

“I don't care what you say,” Roxas insisted. “I just don't want to guess.”

Axel growled, a frustrated sound. Roxas rolled his eyes.

“Or we could go home.”

“Just give me a second, alright?” Axel snapped, and Roxas put his hands up defensively. He sat back and sighed, picking his shirt up off the floor. “... Ugh... I just-... I like doing this, what more d'you want?”

Roxas turned his body, sitting the way people were supposed to when in the backseat of a car. “... This is a lot more than what I used to do when I was in middle school... That was just playing around with kids who didn't know any better than me...”

Uncomfortable, Axel looked out the window.

“You've done this stuff before, y'know. You actually know what 'this stuff' _is_.” Roxas's shoulders hunched. “How am I supposed to ever relax or get to being _okay_ with this when I'm in the dark all the time?”

“What, should I spell everything out for you?”

“No, just give me a bullshit meter or something...”

“ _How_?” Axel pressed. “What're you actually looking for, here? You want to know if you're gay or if I'm actually hitting on you, or, what?”

“A little bit more the second one.”

“Fine,” he said shortly. “I'm hitting on you. You're easy on the eyes and your attitude is hot.”

Still just staring straight ahead, Roxas nodded. “... Okay.”

“... I'll drive you home,” Axel muttered, and arranged his shirt to put it back on.

“Hang on, that's only part of the question.”

“What's part two?”

Roxas swallowed his mortification at having to ask. “I was hoping kind of for more answers about the sex stuff, too.”

Axel paused, shirt not yet on. “... What, like, you still want to?”

“Yeah,” he said simply.

Staring in blatant surprise, Axel processed that.

“What?” Roxas looked to him, perplexed by his silence.

“I, uh... I didn't think you'd be okay with this, if you knew I want you.”

Roxas rolled his eyes. “I'm not stupid. You're not like me, you're over 'experimenting', so you wouldn't be here if you didn't.”

Biting back a scowl, Axel glanced out the window again. He hated that they were having this conversation. He was pretty sure he was the most vulnerable he'd ever been. “Right. So... sex.”

“... Yeah...”

“... What d'you even want to know?” Axel questioned. “How it works? What I want?”

“I want to know what you _actually_ want, what you're... settling for, and what's just a joke...”

He was almost offended. “None of it's _settling_. I said it's what you're cool with, and I meant it. But, yeah... What I want...”

Roxas just watched him, thinking.

Naturally gifted with lies on the fly, Axel thought he might've been able to muster anything but the truth. He'd told enough of it, today. Nonetheless, what came out of his mouth was a lot more honest than he intended. “... I like your hands, that's been good, and I think about your mouth when I get turned on, and I have dreams about your ass. I want to touch you pretty much all the time, you taste good, and the hottest thing I've ever seen is you writhing around and panting.”

“... Oh.” Wide-eyed, Roxas wanted to be embarrassed or defensive, but he was pretty sure he'd managed to get completely hard in the span of time Axel was talking.

“... None of it's joking, but I'm not stupid either. You're skittish and you freak out when things get _too gay_ , so what the hell else am I supposed to do -”

Roxas sat up and grabbed Axel by the hair again to meet him halfway, kissing him hard. He was caught off guard but quick to catch on, parting his lips to kiss back.

Whatever he wanted – and Roxas honestly wasn't sure – he knew it was something Axel had to give him, like, right now. All the heat from before their conversation break was back and building up faster than ever, and with the impression that Roxas wanted 'bolder' Axel decided to be just that, skating one hand up his thigh. Surprise turned to smugness, not expecting to find him so hard.

They were starting to tip back, Roxas bringing Axel over him to resume where they left off, and the kiss was more hungry and that much more agonizing to have to break.

“Hold on -”

“What?” Roxas was a little indignant.

“S'my turn. What do _you_ want?”

Embarrassment finally found root in Roxas's brain, pulling some of the attention away from his cock. He glanced up at the roof to avoid looking at Axel's face. “Uh... everything we've been doing so far has been good...”

Axel's eyes flickered down. “So d'you want me to suck you off, or do you want more?”

“'More'?”

Oh god, it was so tempting to just _show_ him, but that would be so not okay. “D'you know about your g-spot?”

“Uh...” Roxas's confusion was drawn out. “Isn't that a thing with girls?”

Axel smirked. “Not just girls.”

Based on his vague notion of gay sex, he was starting to get an idea of where his g-spot might be. “That's supposed to feel good?”

“I can tell you from experience that it's awesome.”

Roxas was visibly hesitant and not wanting to think about how Axel knew that.

“It's cool if you don't want to, 'specially since it'd involve fingers and lube, but... It'd make you squirm and come harder than you ever have before.”

Certain he was blushing, Roxas brought one hand back to cover his face. “Yeah, I don't think I want to...”

“Sure, you don't have to.” Axel hesitated. “Did I freak you out too much to keep going?”

Roxas shook his head.

“Cool if we ditch your pants, then?”

“Sure. What about yours?”

“If my nakedness won't push you past your comfort zone.” Axel went to undo his fly anyway.

“Nothing I haven't seen before,” Roxas defended himself.

“You haven't really _looked_ , I don't think. Have you?”

“What? Sure I have.”

Axel grinned. “You've checked me out?”

“I didn't 'check out' anything,” he denied. “Hard not to look at some point this whole time...”

“Sure, whatever,” Axel rolled his eyes, lifting his hips to slide his jeans down and off. He made sure it was obvious when he checked Roxas out, watching him removing his own jeans.

Shifting closer, Axel kissed his shoulder, and Roxas realized this was the first time they'd both been undressed in this close proximity. “Um...”

“Still cool?” Axel muttered.

“Yeah. Cool.” His cock was still standing tall and now he wasn't sure what to do with himself, but he wasn't panicking, so... cool.

Still, it was a relief when Axel wrapped a hand around his erection and started to stroke him, kissing his way up to Roxas's lips. Parting his legs around him more effectively, Roxas let his hands drift down Axel's sides somewhat awkwardly, arching up when Axel's hand ran down to the base and gave a gentle squeeze.

“Mn...” His hands came to rest over Axel's hips. He wasn't at all sure what to do with them – Roxas wasn't used to doing much for Axel until he'd already gotten off, and Axel's own body was sort of... in the way.

Nipping him, Axel spoke up breathlessly. “Keep to what we know, y'think? Want me to blow you?”

“Yeah, but... kind of not, too...”

His eyebrows raised. “Yeah? What _do_ you want, then?”

“Dunno, just, would rather not...” Roxas tried to make some motion to imply Axel moving.

“You've lost me.”

Roxas groaned. “You move down there and I'm up here with nothing I can do and I have to find a spot for my hands and I can't figure out where to look -”

“Hey. Shut up.” Axel kissed him briefly. “You're overthinking it.”

He shut up... momentarily. “... Still.”

“Just look at me if you want to. Close your eyes, if you don't. Touch where you want and if I don't like it, I'll stop you.”

“... Okay,” Roxas shrugged, trying to let that allay his uncertainty.

“Move up,” Axel told him, finding a way to position himself to get between Roxas's legs. Kissing his thigh, he began to stroke him again slowly. “I hope you know, the only thing that could improve this view would be bedposts and bondage.”

He was about to ask if that was a joke, but Roxas decided he didn't want to know either way. He swallowed hard as Axel licked the head, his legs starting to tremble when his tongue roved around the ridge. Axel began to take him into his mouth, hollowing his cheeks, and Roxas sighed his name as his head tilting back. Fingers gripped ineffectively at the seat.

Axel had done this to Roxas enough to start figuring out what he liked, a _little_ roughness didn't seem to go unappreciated. Without warning, he sucked harder.

“ _Fuck_ -”

Roxas's hips canted up and Axel accidentally let them, nearly deep-throating him in the process. He pulled back and became gentle again, teasing him.

Melted into the seat, Roxas was far less impressed with the gentleness and care, now. He tilted his head back down with narrowed eyes when Axel pulled off him entirely to kiss the tip.

Axel smirked wickedly. “Problem?”

It was alarming how much Roxas _really liked_ that expression. “You know what my problem is.”

“Not a mind-reader, Rox.” He flicked his tongue over the head.

“Ngh-... Why are you doing so little now?”

“To torment you.” Axel's hand slowly glided up the shaft.

“Why?” Roxas repeated.

“You're sexy when you're annoyed.” Axel's tongue ran up the side, next. “Plus... I like dragging things out...” He kissed his way lower until he was mouthing over the sensitive sac.

“Whatever...” He finally dragged his hand where it was always going to end up, back in Axel's hair. He twitched and tugged.

“Mmn-...” Axel drew back again, voice lower. “And it makes you do _that_.”

“Are you gonna talk like that the whole time?” Roxas grumbled.

“I'll get on with it,” Axel replied, rolling his eyes with a grin. He guessed he'd worked over Roxas's patience enough and rewarded him by swallowing his cock again properly. Strangely, Roxas was both pleased and just a little disappointed, though he wouldn't have been able to explain why.

Lightly scratching or dragging his fingertips in a rhythm that almost matched Axel's, Roxas choked and shivered harder when Axel took him deeper and hummed.

“H- _ah_... Hey...”

He was starting to squirm, bare skin trying to stick to the seat – he was so close, and Axel had grabbed his hips to keep them steady, sucking hard -

Slumping back with a stuttered groan, Roxas spilled into the heat of his mouth, hands twisting around tresses. He almost whimpered when Axel swallowed the spend and descended to the base of his cock to draw off his slow, defeated by that.

Axel kissed the tip of his cock. “You good?”

“Mmn,” came the weakened response.

Idly, Axel massaged his thighs and touched as he pleased until he started to move back up, groan short as he stretched. “I need a bigger car...”

Slowly regaining some alertness, Roxas cringed. “Wanna open a door or something?”

“Probably should... Windows are fogged up anyway and no one's around to care.”

“Are they actually?” Roxas looked around to check, starting to laugh.

“Always a good sign that you fucked around right,” Axel declared. “Maybe we should've cracked the windows.”

Bringing a hand up to his forehead, Roxas snorted. “Maybe next time.”

Despite still being hard, Axel started to redress, not totally sure that he _wanted_ to get off at the moment. Reaching for his boxers and shirt, Roxas took notice.

“Uh...”

“Hm?”

“You don't want to...?”

“Oh – nah,” Axel replied. “Maybe.”

“... Why?” Roxas was totally dumbfounded. In truth, so was Axel, but he shrugged anyway.

“... Don't really need to come, right now? Like, I'm hard, yeah, but... You don't have to do anything about it.”

Roxas didn't really get it, but replied all the same, “If you say so...”

“'Sides, this way I can get the chips from the trunk.”

“Good point,” Roxas gave a little nod. “I'm starving again...”

Axel pulled his shirt on. “M'on it.”

Only getting out once they were adequately covered, Axel went out to the trunk (wishing he'd put on shoes while he was at it) and retrieved the remaining bags. He left the door partway open to air out the heavy scent of sex, sliding into the seat.

“Chips? Candy? Both?” he offered.

“Are there drinks in there?” Roxas had stopped the movie, which was more than halfway finished.

“Somewhere, probably.”

“Thanks,” Roxas took one when Axel's rooting around in the bags proved successful, cracking it open and draining half in one go. “Now chips. Should we change the movie?”

“Might as well. Not that this isn't captivating.” Axel passed him a chip bag.

“I'm going to spoil the end for you. He blows up the guy, saves the girl, and they make out for a bit but then he has to leave her behind and ride off on his motorcycle into the distance.”

“Shit, I didn't see that coming.” Axel opened his bag of barbecue chips. “Mind, blown.”

“It's a groundbreaking exploration of the genre.” Closing the video player, Roxas brought up his media folder. “Hey, so...”

“Mn?” Axel had a mouthful of chips already.

“I've got the latest episode of this show I watch downloaded, and I've kind of been waiting to watch it...”

Axel swallowed. “You can watch it, if you want.”

“You don't mind? You can watch, but you probably won't get what's going on. I'm like, three seasons in...”

“I'll invent backstory.”

“Great,” Roxas, greatly appeased, opened the new episode and let the recap play for Axel's benefit. It was immediately obvious that the show was some kind of science fiction superhero mixture, which Axel could get behind.

But thinking of 'getting behind', his hard-on hadn't gone away. Obviously, it wasn't going to until he'd had some time to calm it down, but... why hadn't he just _dealt_ with it? It wasn't like Roxas was going to be horrified by it or something.

Just... he didn't want an orgasm as much as he wanted...

He just wanted...

Axel felt a jarring twist in his chest.

He... really should talk to someone about this... Roxas-thing, he realized. Roxas was surprisingly expressive while the episode played, occasionally murmuring at characters he didn't like or urging the protagonist not to do something stupid, and Axel's heartbeat had started to pick up.

The discomfort from before was mounting into something identifiable and worrisome.

“Dude, watch this,” Roxas nudged him. “She doesn't think he knows that she betrayed him last season but he actually found out from the seer guy like two episodes ago.”

“Huh – oh, shit.” Axel tried to pay attention, and completely failed. One arm wrapped around Roxas's shoulders in a show of casual interest, getting closer to the screen, but Axel was despairing.

Roxas, intent on the screen, didn't notice.

Axel, intent on Roxas, hated himself more than he thought he ever had in his life.


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Take note, friends, that we are now including the approximate chapter count. Lately, it seems that some of our readers might be thinking this fic is going to end soon, but nope! We're only halfway there. So don't get ahead of yourselves, everyone - when we say slow burn we MEAN slow burn.

If anything was liable to evoke Namine's concern, it was learning that her best friend was engaging in a very volatile relationship of vague proportions, and then not hearing from him for a while. Roxas had been withdrawn, sometimes disappearing completely during lunch with Hayner, Pence, and Olette, usually leaving school without bothering to stop by his locker or say goodbye, forgetting to reply to texts...

But Hayner had skipped school today, and Pence and Olette were at a yearbook club meeting. They had the opportunity to chat if she could track him down, and she wasn't going to let it pass her by. Not only was she worried, but... she missed him.

Thankfully, Namine was pretty familiar with Roxas's routines and was able to track him down with ease, once she really put her mind to it. She located him just outside the cafeteria, standing in front of one of the vending machines and disinterestedly deliberating over soda options.

“Roxas...?” Lightly, she tapped him on the shoulder. Despite having given him what she felt was plenty of warning, he was still startled.

“Huh – oh,” Roxas turned, still a little jumpy. “Namine. Hey...”

“Could we talk?”

Roxas glanced at the vending machine. “... Right here?”

She shook her head. “I thought we could go for a walk.”

“Yeah, if you want...” Roxas took a look at the large clock in the foyer, checking how much time they had until afternoon classes. He had a distinct feeling he wasn't going to like this talk. “Got somewhere in mind, or are we just wandering?”

“Not really. I'd just like us to be alone, if it's possible.”

“... Okay.” Roxas left the vending machine, dread cemented in place.

“If you don't mind going outside...”

“It's not that cold today,” Roxas shrugged.

“Good,” Namine murmured. “We'll have more privacy...”

Nerves twisted in Roxas's stomach. They were quiet on their way out onto the school grounds, passing the athletes and the kids hanging around to have lunch outside, circling around the building and giving wide berth to the smokers. Once they were away from people, Namine started feeling comfortable enough to speak. She wanted to be direct.

“... It's about Axel.”

Really, it was only then that Roxas realized he hadn't told her _anything_. “Oh. Yeah.”

“Can you tell me what happened?”

“... You're gonna need to be more specific,” he muttered.

“You could start with what went on at my house,” Namine prompted.

He really didn't want to drudge up that memory. “Nothing. We walked home, that's about it.”

“You were so worried. And, Marluxia...” Namine hesitated.

“... What?”

“He was angry that Axel left. Normally, he wouldn't have.”

Surprise quickly turned to concern. “He didn't do anything, did he?”

“No, I'm fine.”

Roxas relaxed a little. “I dunno, we just left. We kind of talked, but that went bad and then I went on ahead.”

“Bad?” Namine echoed. “In what way?”

“Pretty standard. I said some dumb things.”

“That can mean a lot of things,” Namine pointed out.

“I dunno... I just took everything I said before and kinda made it worse. And he wanted me to say what I wanted and I couldn't, so...”

“Are you still unable to?”

Eyes down, Roxas kicked at some pebbles as they walked.

“... Do you _know_ what you want?”

He balked. “Things have... changed a bit, since then.”

Namine's tone was gentle. “Tell me how.”

Before he could start, Roxas looked over his shoulder, feeling like someone could have been directly behind them, recording everything he said to splash over tomorrow's headlines. “Uh, well... if me and Axel ever go off 'cause I need him to drive me somewhere, that's kind of... code.”

“Code?” Namine caught on quickly, and flushed pink. “Oh. For -?”

Roxas cleared his throat. “Yeah.”

“... Is _that_ what you want?”

“I don't _know_ ,” Roxas professed, a little despairing. “I mean, the first time was kind of to make up for how bad I fucked up the night with... yeah. I kind of wanted to test-... No wait, test sounds bad...”

“Experiment?” Namine provided.

“Closer to that. I wanted to figure out what my answer was... If I freaked out that'd be the end of it, wouldn't it?”

“I suppose so. Although, if it did scare you or make you nervous, but you still wanted it, then maybe there's something else there that needs exploring?”

Roxas reddened. “That's how it ended up, pretty much...”

“I see.” Namine wasn't really surprised. “Can you identify what makes you the most nervous?”

He wasn't able to focus long enough to pick out any one thought before his insides were squirming in discomfort. “Dunno...”

“If you remove sex from the equation, are you still nervous?”

“If I removed that, there wouldn't be much left,” Roxas said without thinking. He immediately felt strange for having admitted that he was doing _stuff_ to _Namine_ , who was surely the purest person he knew.

Namine wasn't actually phased. “What _is_ left?”

“Pretty much avoiding each other at home and at school... And we do some stuff around the sex part when we go off for that. Movies, eating, just hanging out I guess.”

Namine blinked. “Like a date?”

“No, not like that,” he denied quickly. “Like... just making it less awkward. I mean, just leaving to make out and stuff and then sneaking back... That's weird, right? Might as well fill the time.”

“I suppose... But it seems strange that you'd bother, if you were only bothering for sex.”

“It's not like I want this to be creepy, either,” Roxas objected.

“Is hanging out uncomfortable, then?”

“Sometimes?” he shrugged. “Usually when we talk.”

“Is it just awkward, or are you nervous then?”

“Both? What's the difference?”

“If it was only awkward, that would probably be because you have nothing but sex in common... But if you're nervous, too, it's probably all linked. It isn't just the idea of sex with him that makes you anxious.”

Roxas stared, then sighed. “You've lost me, Nam.”

“I mean... is it possible what's really scaring you is that you're attracted to him? Or that you might like him?”

Suddenly, their surroundings were the most fascinating thing Roxas had ever encountered, and he had a mighty need to inspect them in total silence.

Namine didn't let the quiet go on forever. “... Are you scared you're not straight?”

“Maybe,” Roxas mumbled. “Evidence is kinda stacking up against me...”

“Okay,” she nodded slowly. “What would be bad about not being straight?”

“It would just be bad. I mean – not that it's bad that you are. Shit, I'm sorry...”

Namine bit her lip, but shrugged it off. “I'm serious, though. Can you tell me why it's bad? What would happen?”

“Worst case scenario? I wreck my whole family.”

“How? Your dad would be angry?”

“If what's going on with Axel gets found out, they'd at least call off the wedding and move us as far away from each other as possible,” Roxas replied gloomily. Once, that idea would've given him nothing but joy – being as far away from Axel as he could be was the dream. Now... he couldn't imagine hurting his dad like that, and being separated wasn't... _as_ appealing as it once was.

Namine shook her head. “Separate it from Axel, for now. We'll get to that.”

In that case... “I don't know.”

“Do you think your dad would be angry, or disappointed, if you were gay? Or at least, not straight?” she amended.

“He might be. I mean, it's not like he's hoping for grandkids yet or anything, but he seems kinda... more happy if I ever talk about having a girlfriend. I think he wants us to be like him...”

Namine was nodding. “What about Axel's mom? Your stepmother?”

“According to Axel, she might not care if I am, but she'd cry if she knew _he_ was.”

Which only left one question. “How would _you_ feel about it?”

Roxas shrugged again. “... It just doesn't mesh, you know? I don't _feel_ gay, if that makes any sense at all. Like, maybe gay is something I used to be... but not now.”

“Sexuality is a fluid thing, but you don't have to necessarily be gay to be attracted to men. You don't have to feel like you are or aren't.”

“I don't get how people 'just know',” he confessed.

“Not everyone does. And even people who 'just know' might get confused, sometimes.”

... Fuck. He didn't want to think about being _attracted_ to Axel, and much less what liking him would entail. All the chaos that'd come with being an actual couple...

“... If it helps, I don't think your dad would be bothered, if you're not straight.”

Roxas looked towards her. “How d'you know that?”

Namine seemed a little flustered. “I, um... never mind.”

He raised an eyebrow at her.

“... Well, I... I just don't think he's _strictly_ straight, either.”

Remembering what Axel said, Roxas was all the more unnerved. “... How do you _do_ that?”

She went red, not answering.

“Never mind...” Roxas didn't think he wanted to know.

“... Anyway... I think, in this case, Axel might not be the problem.” Hastily, Namine amended, “Not that your, um, eventual relationship with him isn't a problem. But, in terms of _now_ , whether you're brothers by law or not... It's your sexuality that's really bothering you.”

“So, what do I do...?”

“Maybe explore it a little bit _apart_ from Axel? I don't mean you should go fool around with people, but maybe reflect on what you like, what you don't like. And there's always, you know, porn,” Namine suggested, sounding far too honestly innocent.

Maybe she wasn't actually the purest person he knew.

“... I cannot _believe_ you, of all people, just told me to watch porn...”

“It's normal, for teenagers! We're in our exploration phase,” Namine protested. Roxas managed to laugh, watching her get flustered.

“You're right.”

“It's worth a try, isn't it?” Her face was a bit pink again.

“It's gonna feel weird now, knowing you suggested it,” he muttered, making her giggle. “... I'll think about it, if you promise not to ask me about how my porn-watching made me feel.”

“I promise,” she laughed.

“Hey...” Wrapping an arm around her shoulders, the two of them sobered, and he brought her close enough to rest his forehead against hers. “I do love you, you know... And that's weird for me to admit, so...”

Namine smiled. “... I know. I love you, too.”

Pulling away, Roxas added, “And, you know... if you ever need a cover-up boyfriend...”

“You'd be the first person I would ask.” She looked pensive. “Though, if you do end up dating Axel, it'd be practical to anyway.”

Roxas's face felt hot. “I can't think about us dating. We _might_ be friends, maybe.”

“You should find that out, too.”

“You're _sure_ you can't do that for me?”

“If I could, I would.”

He didn't doubt it. “Yeah, I know...”

“You'll be okay,” she told him.

“You're weirdly confident.”

“You're stronger than you think, Roxas. Even if things go badly, you'll get through,” Namine looked at him fondly, and any response Roxas could've given was cut off by the warning bell. “I'll see you later, okay?”

He supposed she could have the last word on that. “Yeah. Maybe we can talk about something normal for once.”

“Probably not.”

“... Yeah,” he admitted with a hint of a grin. “Probably not.”

 

* * *

 

All the porn Roxas had ever watched had just kind of been grating. He didn't think there was anything sexy about watching two people screech and caterwaul while the actress's breasts bobbed and the actor's hips moved like a jackhammer. Sex was sexier as a concept than a visual. Still, like any hormone-ridden teenager, even the least interesting pornography sent signals to his dick.

He was a little prepared to write off all his reactions to watching gay porn accordingly, and also prepared (with trepidation) to find it hopelessly arousing.

After a short time, though, he couldn't sit through it anymore. The lanky male porn star had started to push his fingers inside his smaller partner, and that was about when Roxas shut and shoved his laptop away. Then he'd buried himself under his covers and tried to forget.

That was hours ago, and he'd managed to fall asleep.

Without warning, he found himself in a familiar locker-lined hallway.

Axel was leaning against a locker that wasn't his, or might've been Roxas's, talking to teenage boys who weren't distinct enough to matter. Roxas didn't even think to question the fact that he was now walking the halls of his school, and didn't notice that everything that wasn't Axel or the row of lockers was hazy and incomplete.

The people Axel was talking to must have left, though they seemed to have just faded out of existence once his eyes were on Roxas. “Hey... Ven's already gone home.”

“So, he's not driving home with you.” Roxas was right in front of him in no time at all.

“Nope. Free seat. Want it?”

Axel's eyes were the brightest, most acidic green. Briefly, Roxas was caught up staring.

Turning, Axel put one arm up against the lockers, cutting Roxas off from moving, and repeated, “Do you want it...?”

Roxas felt pinned to the spot. “... Yeah.”

His other hand ran up Roxas's jaw and he leaned down to kiss him firmly. It wasn't as vivid or visceral but it was hotter than ever before. Roxas tilted his head up... or maybe Axel had done that. Axel's lips were apart, and he was pressing up to him like he was trying to get Roxas to grind on him -

Half-pinned to his locker, Roxas couldn't think enough to process how fast things were moving. His body was getting what it needed as soon as he needed it, that was all – yet it still felt like teasing...

“ _Mn_ -...”

Kissing him deeply, Axel's lips didn't seem to leave Roxas's, yet he was still able to speak. “We need to get to the car.”

He became aware of where they were – the school, that was right – and the thrill wasn't identifiable as being good or bad.

“Mn. Let's go.”

Winding his arms around Roxas, Axel held onto him and kissed him harder instead. They were moving, and then… it wasn’t the parking lot they arrived in, but an empty classroom. With another jolt, Roxas grinned.

He heard breath and rustling and felt overwhelming tingling warmth, and Axel was kissing him against one of the desks, running his hands between Roxas's legs. Feeling the pressure distinctly, Roxas was pretty sure he felt himself moan. His hands ran along Axel's sides and down his hips, enjoying the way his body heat flared to unrealistic heights.

Axel spoke between kisses, mouth going to his throat, palm grinding between his legs. “Anyone watching?”

“I don't... know-...” Roxas's hips rolled into his hand.

“Check.”

Biting down, Axel's hand never let up on his massaging, yet he was able to start taking Roxas's pants off anyway. Roxas didn't think anything off the oddity, looking up – his mind couldn't work fast enough to create or process a classroom, and the setting blurred. His eyes closed instead, wrapping his arms around Axel and pulling him flush against his body.

Rocking his hips against him, Axel's hands traveled all over him in a rush, like he couldn't decide where he wanted them aside from _everywhere_. “Fuck... Roxas...”

Starting to breathe hard when he realized he _should_ , Roxas wound his legs up around Axel's hips to grind on him and didn't need to wonder how he managed it. Now he was on his back with a firm but forgiving surface under him, and Axel was on top with his clothes in such disarray they were practically falling off him and then they were.

Roxas opened his eyes to the sight of Axel bare-chested and leaning over him, both of their clothing gone as if they'd never been dressed to begin with. The frantic pace slowed only long enough to him to look at Axel like that and to take in the new location – the living room couch, which wasn't really this spacious or made of leather but it didn't strike him as being inaccurate.

Axel leaned down to kiss him again, slower and hot, and the warm and heavy press of his body seemed to be everywhere. Suddenly, Roxas remembered that he could make Axel moan if he pulled his hair and he did just that, getting him to groan low and rough. It wasn't clear anymore who was breathing heavier, who was making more noise – Axel wasn't saying anything distinct but it was clearly pleasured praise.

Snaking one hand under him, Axel gripped his ass hard to align and guide the motion of their hips, mimicking sex in every way. Stars burst behind Roxas's eyes with every thrust, but it still wasn't _enough._

Suddenly Axel was down his body and dragging his lips over Roxas's cock, and Roxas opened his eyes to see him settle between his legs. He'd been able to see the whole time regardless but this was different... Somehow, his hands were still in Axel's hair and his eyes were still meeting his, and Axel was swallowing him down and sucking – there was none of the pressure but the heat was _blazing_ and pleasure boiled over until he couldn't see or hear anything anymore.

The dream disappeared with his climax, and the total darkness around him really _was_ darkness. Forehead slick with sweat and pyjama pants disgustingly sticky, Roxas tore the blankets down from around his head and tried to breathe.

It wasn’t coming. Disorientation and alarm seemed to have seized his lungs while his mind unhelpfully replayed the scene.

Numb tingling made his movements robotic as Roxas ditched his pants and underwear on the floor - he _couldn’t_ deal with that right now - and sought out a clean pair of boxers to replace them.

Once dressed, he dropped back onto the edge of the bed, avoiding where the blankets had been dampened with sweat, and buried his face in his hands.

Why him? Why did he _have_ to dream about Axel? It didn’t _answer_ anything, and if it did, it was an answer he couldn’t possibly accept. If it had just been some random guy, some good looking actor, even one of the porn stars, that could have told him he was _probably_ kind of gay.

But no, it was just Axel. And what did that mean? Gay, straight, or whatever else, Axel was going to be his _brother_ , for fuck’s sake. A little messing around, experimenting, he could overlook that as long as he stopped wanting it after their parents married.

He couldn’t be attracted to Axel, not _really_. And if he was, shouldn’t he have at least felt satisfied after the dream, even relaxed?

He didn’t. All he felt was cold.

Another thought hit him with such intense nausea that he sat bolt upright and clapped a hand to his mouth. If he could want Axel, even once they were family, what about Ven? God, even the thought seemed to be violating him.

Abruptly, Roxas couldn’t be alone with his thoughts, anymore. He had to do… something. He had to prove to himself he wasn’t this person.

If he made any noise opening his door and crossing the hall, Roxas was deaf to it.

Quietly, he knocked on his brother’s door, letting himself in at an audible grunt. Entering the room, he closed the door quickly behind him, sealing them in darkness, and pulled up the covers to crawl under.

Ven shifted aside to make room for him.

“Bad dream?” he mumbled thickly.

“... Yeah.”

Ven yawned as he rolled onto his side. “‘Kay. Don’t kick me.”

“I’ll try.”

It seemed to take only an instant for Ven to drift off again, but Roxas’s eyes wouldn’t even close. He stared up at the darkened ceiling, and didn’t even try to make sleep come.

Lying in bed with Ven felt… normal, almost uncomfortable now that they barely fit alongside each other. Roxas didn’t feel any inclination to touch him… kiss him… undress him.

That was something. Not much… but something.


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're sorry for the lateness of this chapter! Our Internet has been spotty, among holiday preparations! Speaking of which...
> 
> We are going on a very short hiatus just for the rest of December, while we celebrate Christmas with our families out of town. We WILL be back on January 2nd!
> 
> Happy holidays, everybody, and we hope you're all safe and warm! (Or, if you're in Australia, safe and cool.)

“Shit, y'know what I just realized? I forgot the Barry White.”

He'd mapped the route out beforehand, while it was still light out – there was enough room for a car at select points in the wooded area where Axel had gone to skip school before, and with some slow weaving he was able to get them good and hidden among the trees.

The tension that'd been bubbling in Roxas's stomach since dinner settled slightly, and he snorted. “Alright, turn around and take me back.”

There was no reason to expect this time to be... different. Still, Roxas had had that sense nagging at him from the time they'd left the house, claiming they were going to hang out with Namine and Marluxia, respectively, so they might as _well_ both go in the car since it was the same destination.

“Should've thrown on YMCA, too. Shit,” Axel frowned, glancing down at the mp3 player in the cup holder, attached to the speaker by an auxiliary cord. They hadn't been playing music for the trip, as he'd insisted they save it all for 'mood music'.

Roxas covered his face. “Oh my god...”

“Too late, now. Shame.” Axel brought the car to a rolling halt, dimming the headlights. “Hey, think this is good?”

“Don't see any lights or anything around. Probably no one nearby.”

Putting the car in park, Axel killed the engine but left the car on. It was time to get things started, in a manner that would not suggest he'd developed a crush. “Awesome. You're wearing too much.”

Roxas raised an eyebrow. “That was fast.”

“C'mon, ditch the pants, give me something to look at,” Axel coaxed, putting on the same tone he might've addressed Marluxia with. Roxas was a little unnerved, some of the stomach-bubbles returning.

Just then, it hardly sounded like it was Axel asking him at all, but… someone else; Someone he’d rather say no to.

Trying to shake it off, Roxas purposefully lightened his tone.” Was all this set up for nothing?”

“Good point... Guess you can keep 'em, for now,” Axel conceded. “Should we go in the backseat, or make out on the hood?”

Lips tilted into something resembling a grin. “Hood wouldn't fog up the windows...”

Smirking, Axel picked up the mp3 player to set up his playlist. “Another good point.”

“You don't have a blanket or anything in here, do you?”

“I might in the trunk. Mom put an emergency bag in there.”

“Cool. It's not too cold out, but it's still metal.”

Axel popped the trunk in the midst of adjusting the stereo. “Go check that, I'll be a second.”

Pushing his door open, Roxas slid out and rubbed the back of his neck in a nervous gesture. Axel didn't notice, making a triumphant noise when the music started, and Roxas managed to smile again.

Surprisingly, he didn't hate the song. The sound carried nicely out here, too.

After turning up the volume, Axel got out of the car to go sit on the hood, stretching out his legs. Roxas started to look through the trunk, feeling a little weird about going through the stuff Axel had back here. A pair of tall black boots, his backpack...

Spotting a bundle, Roxas dragged it forward. “Ngh – Think I found it.”

Having been gazing up at the sky but only seeing trees, Axel snapped out of his reverie and went to check. “... Yup. That's my mom for you.” He unzipped the travel kit and rummaged through for the blanket. “There we go.”

“Now it's properly cliché,” Roxas noted.

“Hold on -” Axel caught his wrist and lowered his voice. “We need cheesy dialogue. Have I ever told you how beautiful you are in the light of the full moon?”

The moon was neither full, nor visible.

Roxas gave him a shove. “Unless you're about to turn into a werewolf, shut up.”

“Would you be into that?” Axel inquired, shutting the trunk and going back up to the hood. “I could try.”

“No.”

“I guess we could just make out, then.”

“That's more like it.”

Setting out the blanket, they started on the slightly awkward process of figuring out positioning on an uneven surface. Axel leaned back and pulled Roxas over him, letting him get his bearings.

“Won't let you slip, or anything,” Axel reassured him.

“I'll believe it when I see it,” Roxas claimed, but lowered his voice and settled over him a little more. “I like this song.”

With a slight grin, Axel caught his lips and wrapped an arm firmly around his waist. Sinking into it, Roxas went with Axel's pace, the two of them going slow to start. For all his talk earlier, Axel didn't actually want to rush anything.

Roxas focused on the music, the heat, the movement of Axel's lips, and everything else that kept his mind off of what Namine said. Breathing when he could, his hands went up and down Axel's arms, and as much as he would've liked to shut his brain up completely, this was a speed he could work with. It wasn't a deep kiss, but sensual nonetheless.

Shifting a little higher up on the hood, Axel was able to get them at a bit of a better angle and Roxas followed so closely that the kiss didn't even break for a second. Now more comfortable and knowing what Roxas would respond to, Axel ran his tongue past his lips, Roxas parting them with an acquiescing hum. Their tongues moved together familiarly, getting them further settled. They were a bit too close together for Roxas to wind his hands under him, so he settled on his elbows instead as Axel moved his legs apart to give Roxas more room between them.

Now, despite any chill from the night, things were warming up between them. Roxas put one leg between Axel's, small sounds chiming in with the music against his lips. Intrigued, Axel kissed him a bit harder, and Roxas broke the rhythm to moan.

The car was vibrating under them, a little. Roxas... really liked that.

They were starting to touch more, tease more. Axel tangled a hand in his hair when Roxas nibbled his lip, making a low, rumbling sound of approval, and Roxas responded without even being sure what about that had made him feel good. His leg pressed up when Axel copped a feel of his ass, sending sparks up his body. With a low sound, Axel broke the kiss and caught his lower lip between his teeth, Roxas's tongue brushing him.

Letting go and prompting his chin up, Axel nibbled along his jaw and nipped his earlobe. “You taste good.”

“Hmn-...” Tilting his head, Roxas shivered, almost too caught up to overthink Axel's words. “This could have been even better with some booze...”

“We'd need me sober to drive. You're right, though...” His tongue traced the shell of his ear.

“I don't need to be... nn.”

“Then we'll get you drunk, next time. Make it that much easier for you,” Axel muttered, going to that spot that made Roxas react the most and sucking hard at his neck. Roxas shuddered.

“Fuck-... You're going to leave a hickey.”

Easing off, Axel moved higher up his throat with increasing gentleness, to which Roxas's body objected. He missed the hard contact, and pressed down against Axel to make up for it. Axel responded in kind with a rough grope.

Voice breaking over a moan, Roxas almost jerked back with embarrassment.

“You liked that,” Axel observed.

Roxas automatically became defensive. “So what?”

“So,” Axel gripped him by the ass hard again, “I want to hear you moan again...”

“Nnh-...” Suddenly, Roxas wished the music was louder. He shoved him down to kiss him firmly again, wanting to shut down whatever it was in Axel’s voice that kept making him squeamish. His other hand had joined the first, getting rougher the more Roxas rolled his hips.

Dragging a hand down Axel's side to his hip, Roxas prompted him to shift and give him something to slide against. They finally lined up right, letting Roxas grind against him hard and slow.

“Ah-...”

“Ngh...” Axel scraped his teeth down his throat. “Fuck... Keep going like that...”

“Ye-eah...” Breath heavy and warm, Roxas reached down to hastily unzip himself, and after a moment of steadying himself he brushed his palm lightly between Axel's legs.

Axel sighed in approval, shuddering, and Roxas was kind of startled by the idea that he could _do_ that to him. Swallowing, he started working on Axel's fly.

“You're sure you're okay with -?”

“S'fine,” he interrupted. “Done it before, kind of...”

“Right... Cool...” Axel told himself to chill.

“Do I, uh... need to take off more, or is this good?”

“That's fine.” Almost affectionate, Axel kissed his neck and let Roxas tug his hips up, responding immediately and getting hard fast.

Tilting his head down, Roxas just breathed and felt, his hips finding the beat of the music and matching it in a lazy manner. With a low groan, Axel bit down gently on his throat, Roxas's breath catching.

It wasn't the only thing catching, unfortunately. Their zippers kept holding them up by getting caught together, and they weren't grinding as smoothly as either would like. Roxas was starting to get sore in weird places.

Sucking briefly, Axel broke away with a laugh. “Maybe they should come off...”

“Prob'ly,” Roxas agreed, pushing back.

“Your call.”

“Better...” Sitting back, Roxas tugged his jeans down, looking around before tossing them onto the roof of the car.

“Better,” Axel echoed, almost laughing again.

“Wanna get yours?”

“Yeah...” Momentarily distracting himself by checking Roxas out, Axel struggled to remove his jeans without slipping around too much on the blanket. Without a second thought, he shimmied out of his boxers as well and carelessly dropped his clothing, Roxas hesitating when it came to his own.

Biting his lip, Roxas braved a glance down.

“Enjoying the view?” Axel purred, trying not to make his teasing obvious. Roxas blushed and looked away, starting to take off his briefs.

Huh. Privately, Axel had been aiming to get a reaction, but he hadn't floundered the way he thought Roxas might. Roxas, of course, was doing everything he could to _not_ get anxious, tossing his briefs up to join his pants.

“That's better...” Axel drew him back by the hips, wrapping a hand around Roxas's cock. “You freaking out?”

His arousal having been dampened a little by the pause, Roxas let Axel guide him and exhaled. “Only a bit...”

“We could keep making out until you're not.”

“Sounds good.” He was relieved by the suggestion. The kiss was hotter when their lips met, and Roxas's legs parted over Axel's lap. He could feel his erection distinctly against him, but he didn't mind so much when he had Axel's mouth to focus on.

Luckily, if there was anything Axel knew how to do, it was turn him on. Hands going to his hips and ass, Axel ran them idly over both until he decided that wasn't enough. He started applying more pressure, and that effectively sent the signals back to his arousal. Their tongues tangled and Roxas started urging their hips to rock together again, hands drifting with uncertainty over where to rest them.

Then Axel was grinding up against him slowly, and something about that was much hotter than whatever they were doing before. Hazy memories of pushing up against Axel in that closet returned, and Roxas pressed down into him with something like eagerness, lips parting.

“ _Ah_...”

Axel rocked against him at a steady pace, but he was shakier than he was letting on and blissfully hot. They were moving with the music again, and Roxas was too breathless to recapture the kiss, too dizzy to think of what else to do. His head dropped onto Axel's shoulder.

This closeness... God, Axel would never admit it, but he was getting off on it. His eyes slipped closed.

They flew open again when there was a sharp snapping noise from somewhere nearby. Both of them froze.

“... You heard that, right?” Axel asked, hushed.

“Yeah... Think it was anything?” Roxas's voice was just as quiet, eyes round.

“... Probably not...”

Neither one of them moved, straining to listen to their surroundings over the music. Another snap made Roxas jump.

Axel sat up. “Wanna bail?”

He opened his mouth to answer, but another sound rang out and answered for him. Roxas flung himself off of Axel, only just having the presence of mind to grab his clothes on the way. “Shit -”

Axel grabbed the blanket and his pants, not caring to redress. He threw himself into the driver's seat and started the engine, locking the doors once Roxas had slammed his shut. The headlights were turned on, the aux cord ripped out to stop the music, and they were racing out of the woods with hearts pounding.

Neither one relaxed until they were on one of the dirt roads leading out to civilization again, and Axel let out an explosive breath.

Roxas pushed his hair back. “Holy _shit_...”

Almost hysterical, Axel started to laugh. “That was some horror movie shit... Too cliché?”

“If I believed in karma... I'd swear we brought that down on ourselves,” Roxas stated.

“Like _hell_ we did.”

The two of them started to relax enough to start laughing, hearts still skipping wildly.

“ _Shit_ ,” Axel snickered.

“So, no more dark woods, huh?”

“Unless we want to _die_.”

“Yeah, there's some things I still want to do with my life,” Roxas concurred.

“Fuck... Only thing that would've made that more insane is if the playlist was somehow interrupted by a news bulletin.”

“We're not doing that bad,” Roxas countered. “We could have ignored it like idiots.”

“So we're one-up on your average B-horror movie.”

“Unless something's following us.” Just in case, Roxas looked over his shoulder. “... Looks clear.”

Automatically, Axel had sped up a bit, anyway. “Good. … Think we should put on pants?”

“You willing to slow down for that?”

“... Maybe in a minute.”

“Good call.” There was nothing stopping _Roxas_ from redressing, anyway, so he started to squirm back into his clothes. His arousal had been completely and utterly defeated, and by the (fleeting) look of things, Axel's had been too.

“Want to go through a drive-thru, or something?” Axel proposed, wanting to make _something_ of the evening. Neither one of them had eaten very much at dinner.

“Yeah, sure... Uh, after you put on pants.”

“Buzzkill.”

“You wanna burn yourself on grease?”

“I have a blanket.”

That wasn't going to be a pretty sight. “If you insist.”

“I don't. Pants come on the second I can pull over.”

“Thank god.”

“This sucks, though,” Axel sighed, spotting a place to pause up ahead. “It was getting good.”

Roxas wasn't sure how to comment on that, reddening. “Probably not gonna be able to pick it back up before we head home, huh?”

“Doubt it,” Axel confirmed with regret, turning on his indicator as he stopped on the curb leading back into the non-wooded part of the world. He put his seat back to redress.

“Makes sense.” Just in case they were in for a cheesy jump scare, Roxas glanced around to keep look-out.

“Ugh...” Axel struggled with his jeans. “Fuck... There isn't _room_.”

“Sorry about that...” Roxas felt kind of at fault, and wondered if maybe Axel's erection hadn't completely flagged. He wasn't going to check.

He kind of thought he could make an offer to do this elsewhere, outside the car... but he had no idea where else they'd go.

“S'fine.” Axel zipped himself back up. “So, fast food and caffeine after dark?”

“Works for me, but if anything else creepy happens...”

“We go to the nearest police station,” Axel said decisively.

“At least we're both wearing pants now.”

Pulling back out to the street, Axel sighed. “I'd die first. The pretty one always gets it.”

“Wrong,” Roxas argued. “Passenger always dies first so the driver can try to get away.”

“Hell no, you'd have to get out and run for the chase scene.”

“I'm not -” Roxas cut off short of denying he was 'the girl', not liking the implications. “Maybe. But if we'd stayed out there, I definitely would have gotten it first.”

“You're blonde!” Axel protested. “You have a free pass on first death, when there's a slutty redhead present.”

Roxas laughed. “I think we've watched different movies.”

“Got to fix that.”

“Now we're going to watch scary movies together? It's like you're begging for us to die.”

“Not _tonight_. In daylight, with weapons nearby.” Axel sounded as though that had been obvious.

“Better.”

“We could invite Ven,” Axel suggested. “He does... whatever kind of fighting. I honestly don't know.”

“Not sure Ven likes horror.” Plus it would be weird, if they were to seriously have a movie marathon or something. That felt like a thing just the two of them should do.

Roxas didn't think on those implications, either.

“He's there to protect us, not to watch,” Axel informed him.

“Right. Of course, doing his brotherly duty.”

“Damn straight,” Axel declared. “So, next time we do this... Back to parking lots?”

Grinning, Roxas looked out the window. “Yeah, and maybe when we can get away a little earlier...”

“I could go cruising for sex spots, later. I'm gonna have to jerk off at _some_ point tonight, so I might as well avoid doing that at home.”

That was kind of more than Roxas wanted to know.

“Uh-... yeah.”

“I'll drop you off, first.”

Roxas rubbed the back of his head, repeating, “Yeah.”

“Unless you want to watch.”

“I'll pass.”

“You sure? I could record it, for you,” Axel teased.

“ _No_ , thanks.”

“Alright, your call.” In a bitter kind of way, Axel was a bit smug over having made him visibly awkward at last. That had been his aim several times that evening, like knocking Roxas out of his comfort zone (but not too far) would make this...

'Normal' wasn't the right word, but. Like usual. Like he _hadn't_ developed a crush on his would-be-step brother-booty call.

Leaning his arm on the window, Roxas sank into it, his own thoughts starting to catch up with him. His gut instinct had been right about one thing, and it was completely separate from their potential run in with a serial killer. This night had been different.

He wanted things to go back to being kind of fun and mildly terrifying... not in the way _this_ was terrifying. He was having a hard time thinking about anything but how _good_ grinding on Axel like that had felt.

If only Namine were here to tell him what to do or say now, although the thought of her witnesses all that was beyond mortifying.

“... Earth to Rox?” Axel was kicking himself, wondering if teasing him that time was too far. Then he was irritated with himself, missing the days that he wouldn't have cared.

Snapping his head up, Roxas sat upright. “Yeah, sorry...”

“You alright?”

“Recovering from my near-death experience, but...” Roxas replied lightly.

Axel snorted. “We could be going to your last meal.”

“And what a meal it'll be.”

He seemed to be okay. Axel relaxed, but still needed to say something – he needed to prove it to them both, that this was... just a thing they did. Not a relationship, and certainly not with feelings involved.

“Hey, so... next weekend, I'm not gonna be around. Got a party to go to. So, no drives.”

“... Mn? That's fine... s'your car, man.”

“Cool.”

“Whose party?”

“Some friends of Demyx's. Bunch of guys in college, I think,” Axel said.

“Huh.” Probably no one Roxas knew, then.

“I'm _pretty_ sure he's slept with the majority of them,” Axel went on, “but someone's gotta vie for the 'underage slut' niche if his position's ever gonna be usurped.”

“... That would be you?”

“In horror movie terms, hell yeah.”

“What about real-life ones?”

“In real-life ones, it'd be cool to have guy friends I can sleep with who aren't Marluxia, so. Yeah.”

“... Right.”

To Axel's irritation, he kind of wished Roxas seemed more bothered. But then, that had been the point of remarking on it at all, right?

Roxas, though, was a lot more bothered than he'd have liked to be. He wasn't even sure he had a right. He didn't _own_ Axel, and the only time they'd ever mentioned being exclusive was before Roxas had decided what he wanted. Apart from fooling around and sometimes hanging out, they didn't-... Or, they weren't...

Fuck.

If things kept feeling that good and then this awful, Roxas wasn't sure he could keep doing this.


	24. Chapter 24

Axel had been to college parties before – only twice, and only by crashing, but he knew roughly what to expect. A warehouse filled with milling people, everyone drinking beers they brought themselves, someone's garage band playing their version of edgy alternative rock; it all met expectations, but still managed to be disappointing. He'd thought Demyx might have had an in with a different kind of crowd, one a little more... flamboyant.

Still, Axel didn't know what an 'openly gay' party would even look like. He wasn't sure they existed, or if they could only be accessed by knowing some kind of queer code.

He wanted a good time, good beer, and a good fuck. Every one of those seemed less likely than the last, but that didn't mean he was going to give up.

He couldn't give up.

Axel had stuck close to Demyx for a while, sifting through his acquaintances. A disappointing number of them were college girls, who all seemed to regard Demyx as some kind of pet; they cooed, asked if Axel was his boyfriend, talked and laughed about people Axel didn't know and didn't care to. The guys they encountered were friendly in a cool, vaguely condescending way, and Axel could read the 'no homo' signals like a neon sign.

Things were starting to look bleak. Then things started to look like they were turning around.

He wandered into the grungy bathroom and said goodbye to the beer he'd imbibed an hour ago, only to catch the eye of the guy at the next urinal.

It wasn't classy. It wasn't even good. But they'd shut themselves in the lone stall, lips dragging messily over lips and hands palming at exposed skin. The guy's stubble felt like sandpaper, his grip was too tight, and he started to laugh when he accidentally came on Axel's jeans.

“Dude,” he'd snickered, breath awash with the sour smell of alcohol, “'s fuckin' crazy... I'm not even a fag.”

Axel had left then. Left the stall, left the party. The desire to get off had been extinguished the moment the word 'fag' had been spoken. He walked back to Demyx's place and waited for him on the doorstep, head hanging between his knees for a little over an hour before Demyx showed.

That time gave him nothing but opportunity to think, and he'd spiraled around and around the conclusion for the majority of it before accepting the truth.

He'd never find someone who was out and didn't care, never find someone who didn't think of Axel like a dirty secret, never make a connection with anyone better because he wasn't a good person. Axel was a mess of _wrong_ , and that kind of person never _became_ good no matter what they did.

It was just Marluxia. He was the only one who could deal with Axel at his worst, who was willing to keep him company (however unpleasant) when sex wasn't even involved, but fuck him good and hard when it was.

It was Marluxia, or being alone.

 

* * *

 

Roxas was doing a very good impression of paying attention, though he hadn't actually absorbed a minute of the movie they were watching. The bag of pre-made popcorn in his lap hadn't even been opened.

They were in the back of Axel's car, as per usual, but none of the normal goings-on were taking place and that left _way_ too much room for Roxas to think, instead. Every part of him that was touching Axel felt somehow more... intentional than it had before, and as such, Roxas subtly positioned himself as casually as he could while making sure there were as few points of contact as possible. Still, he was sneaking glances when he was sure Axel wasn't looking.

They hadn't talked much, since the weekend, not that Roxas would've known what to say. The last 'drive' they'd gone on hadn't just been a failure – it'd been _uncomfortable_ , and too often had it felt like Axel had become a totally different person.

But he'd suggested another drive, all the same. Roxas had his doubts even as he mentioned it, kind of worried he wouldn't know how to handle Axel's aggressive forwardness, but neither one of them had even tried to feel the other up yet. In fact, Axel looked _bored_ and far away, leaning against the window with his elbow and crushing his face against the heel of his hand.

Roxas was kind of having a hard time getting worked up about him when Axel was looking like that, but he still wondered – was he attracted to Axel, or just attracted to what they were doing? Was it the secrecy of it that made it so appealing?

… No. The secrecy was what made this so stressful, made Roxas feel sick to his stomach and lie awake when he was trying to sleep.

Then, was he just enjoying... enjoyment? Was he gay, or just seriously messed up?

There was... one thing he could do. A way to test whether or not he was actually into sex with dudes. He didn't think he was necessarily comfortable with doing it, but it was better than the _other_ thing he could think of.

Unaware, Roxas stared a bit too long until Axel's attention was finally caught. He raised an eyebrow, and Roxas looked away sharply, realizing he'd been caught.

… Damn it, it was stupid to act like he hadn't been trying to start something. He _should_ start something. It would be less awkward than trying to explain everything going on in his head, so Roxas just had to... do it.

He sat up a bit. That, in itself, felt like a victory. Then he inhaled, purposefully enough to imply that he was about to say something.

Axel's eyes lost their glazed quality as he regarded him.

Unexpectedly, Roxas started to climb over Axel instead and full-on kicked his laptop screen in the process. He swore under his breath.

“The fuck -?” Axel, startled, went still, and Roxas felt caught all over again.

Mind racing with excuses, Roxas only managed to stammer, “I'm just-... Gonna...”

Axel's own thought process ground to a halt as Roxas found himself a stable place on his knees, squeezing himself into the very narrow floor space and almost draping over Axel's legs. Pretending he wasn't being watched, Roxas began to undo Axel's fly.

“... Uh... Rox?”

“Shut up,” he said quietly. “I mean, _don't_ shut up, just-... don't ask.”

Roxas started to tug the jeans down enough to work with, though he hadn't realized how difficult undressing Axel would be without his enthusiastic cooperation. Still having trouble processing this, it took Axel a moment to offer, “D'you want help?”

“... Fine, if you want to-... yeah.”

Sliding his jeans down over his hips, Axel balked for a split-second when it came to his boxers, until he remembered that he _wanted_ Roxas to panic. He wanted him to freak out just a little, just enough to retreat so that Axel could have the upper hand again. Momentarily, he considered putting a hand on Roxas's head to push him down, but shut out the impulse – that would be going too far.

He just settled back, sitting with his flaccid dick out and feeling kind of absurd for it.

Roxas was willing himself not to lose his nerve, though he was now faced with the unfamiliar task of getting Axel hard first. He spat into his palm and wandered his hand up between his legs, not yet fully committing to touching him in any particular way. When nothing seemed to happen, he started to get past the initial skittish feeling of _touching_ and massaged with more purpose, skimming his finger tips along the shaft.

Axel's mind and body were in different states of 'present', and it helped to tilt his head back and imagine a more confident, more teasing version of Roxas. He'd thought about having him between his legs more than enough to make the replacement easy.

So far, this was just... weird. Roxas was making himself okay with the reality of this, unsure whether the fact that he was doing this with _Axel_ made it easier or harder to accept, but he would've expected more to be happening. By the time he'd worked himself up to stroking him properly, Roxas was starting to get impatient.

'More' was appreciated, though, and Axel exhaled.

Hyper-aware of sound, Roxas's eyes darted up. Good, that was... good. A response. Leaning into his other elbow to give his arm room, he pumped at the full length of his cock and was starting to find a rhythm when -

“Nn – hold on, stop...”

Instantly, Roxas backed off. His hand had gone dry.

“Lube,” Axel sat up a bit. “Still have some in here, somewhere...”

“Can't remember,” Roxas said, his mind a blur when he tried to think of anything other than pushing himself to do this.

“Under the driver's seat, I think.”

Mercifully, it didn't take Roxas long to find. He had to squeeze himself even closer between the seats and feel around for it, dusting it off before opening the tube and squeezing a small amount into his hand. He was conscious not to use very much – he didn't want there to be an excess, he just wanted to smooth out the friction.

“Ngh...” Axel settled back again as he was stroked, wishing Roxas had let the cool gel warm up a bit first. It didn't matter that much, though, not as much as the reason why Roxas was even doing this at all.

But he didn't ask.

Roxas's strokes got a bit faster, very to-the-point and almost robotic. He just needed him hard, and Axel was getting there with the aid of his imagination. One hand casually slid up into his own hair and gripped at the fading roots, trying to give himself a bit more stimulation.

It was faintly startling, being able to feel the difference in a growing erection, but Roxas was starting to get tense with frustration. His grip tightened.

“ _Mm_...”

Axel's hips twitched, and Roxas almost paused. He took it for encouragement, though, and kept the same amount of pressure on. Axel's exhale was quiet, but almost a moan.

He was probably hard enough, now. Roxas chanced another look up at him, but found himself cut off from Axel's expression and faced with how... daunting things were, at this angle. How long should he keep this up for? Would he just _know_ when the right time to switch to his mouth was? Should he back out...? He could finish Axel this way, claim it was his intention all along...

Swallowing once, Roxas leaned forward and pressed his lips to the hollow of Axel's hip. If he could do this, he could work his way up to more intimate spots.

“Hng-...” Axel's hips jerked a little again, mostly out of surprise.

That was a stronger reaction than he'd expected, and it rattled Roxas as much as it intrigued him. Cautiously, he let himself linger and suck gently, reminding himself that the skin here was no different from that of Axel's neck, or anywhere else he'd put his mouth before.

Still, he was actively fighting panic.

“Mm...” Axel relaxed again, but he was making himself keep still. He'd started to understand what Roxas was planning to do, though he doubted he'd actually follow through with it.

It wasn't dirty, Roxas told himself on repeat. Axel did this to him before with no problem, so why shouldn't he be able to? It wasn't dirty. It wasn't...

He shut his eyes, close enough for his breathing to be felt against hard flesh. After an eternity, he opened them again, just in time for Axel to reopen his as well.

The nervousness on Roxas's face tugged at Axel, just a little.

“Just do it, if you're gonna,” he muttered, “but you don't have to.”

Roxas almost took the out.

In a burst of spiteful energy, though, he didn't. Roxas pressed a small kiss to the shaft, missing anywhere particularly sensitive but evoking a surprised sound all the same. With eyes screwing shut once more, Roxas tried it again a bit higher, and all the hesitation that remained stemmed from uncertainty.

He'd taken care of step one. Now, it was just a matter of figuring out the technique, which was not as self-evident as he'd hoped it'd be by this point.

Unsure how to encourage him, Axel's anticipation began to taper rapidly off into impatience.

He had to just admit it. Flushed, Roxas pulled away a bit and muttered, “I have no idea what I'm doing.”

Axel sighed. “Do you want me to walk you through it, or should we go back to formula?”

Roxas's blush deepened and he looked away. “... First one.”

Yet again, Axel was surprised. “... Okay. Won't get complicated. Can you put your mouth over the head?”

Stomach twisting, Roxas already found himself regretting the decision to make Axel talk this upfront about it. He adjusted his position. “Yeah, uh...”

“If you can get your mouth around it, you're fine,” Axel said, lowering his voice a little. “Go slow, swallow as much as you can, don't push too far too fast.”

At least Axel's voice was encouraging. With a slow breath, Roxas slowly pressed his lips to the head and started to part them.

Axel had pictured this so often that the real thing was almost jarring. “Like... that... s'good start...”

The taste of him was both startlingly familiar and completely not what he was prepared for. Roxas's heart seemed to have forgotten that it could beat regularly, heightening how intimidated he was by the idea of swallowing more. Instead, feeling ridiculous, Roxas darted his tongue out to circle what was already in his mouth.

“Nn, tongue is good, too... Suck...”

The mild relief over doing something right was quashed, jarred by Axel's directness. He pulled back, now gun shy. Heat turned right back over into frustration.

“...Or not,” Axel exhaled, not hiding exasperation well. He felt like his libido kept hitting dead ends.

Roxas's irritation was with himself, but he turned it on Axel, stroking him again while he built his nerve back up. “Just... Give me a second.”

“One more good old college try, and then I'm taking over,” Axel muttered, head tilting back. Roxas's eyes narrowed.

“Give me a break, it's not like I've ever done this before.”

“No kidding.”

“'Least I'm trying,” Roxas grumbled. Keeping his hand firm around the base, he experimented with small licks back up to the head.

Axel started to relax a little again, but rolled his eyes. “You could try without snapping at me like I forced this on you.”

Roxas almost argued with him just to stall, but recognized the urge for what it was and mindfully clamped down on it. With measured breaths, he worked his way up and slowly took the first inch or so into his mouth.

There was really nothing erotic about this when it was so _exhausting_ – Roxas's brain was trying badly to freak itself out while simultaneously begging him to keep calm, and it was making him tired. He tried to keep swallowing, did so until the first hint of discomfort.

“That's good,” Axel encouraged. “Can suck harder...”

Roxas tried, but sucked too sharply instead.

“Ngh-... Less...”

Skittish, he removed almost all pressure, nervously realizing that he could hurt Axel.

“Not 'none', I-... Try tongue again...”

With an irritated sound, Roxas pulled back enough until he could move his tongue, though he was tempted to give up out of sheer frustration.

There was accidental pressure combined with Roxas's tongue, and it was good for less than a second. Axel moaned quietly and closed his eyes.

He liked the idea that Roxas was getting off on this, but realistically, Axel doubted it. It was easier when he wasn't watching.

For a moment, Roxas thought that had been a moan of complaint directed at him, but figured out otherwise. Any sound Axel made gave him only the barest of warm jolts, as he was far too focused on the task to get anything out of it. He curled his tongue around the underside and deciding he could probably work with that, tilting his head to work it around the shaft and moving his hand around the base.

It was _nice_ , but not enough. “Fuck...”

Roxas worked up the will to try sucking again, not quite so harsh this time.

“Better,” Axel told him, breathing in slow. Still, the warm washes of pleasure didn't feel like they were _going_ anywhere.

Sucking was a whole other sort of thing, Roxas discovered. It was even harder to breathe, and he only managed it semi-effectively through his nose. It was getting uncomfortable – not enough to bail, but he was feeling like this wasn't _doing_ anything, either.

“... Mn, look,” Axel reluctantly spoke up. “I think I need more if I'm gonna...”

Roxas drew away slowly. “I can... stop, or whatever...”

“Get back up here.”

He avoided Axel's gaze as he started to pull himself back up onto the seat, but buckled at the protesting ache flaring up both his legs. “ _Agh_...”

“Shit, yeah, they'll do that,” Axel informed him too late, helping him sit back up. Roxas very carefully slumped on the seat, his eyes stinging.

“Maybe a car isn't a great idea for this...”

“It kind of sucks, yeah.” Axel leaned in and kissed him lightly. “... It's cool, that you... Yeah...”

Roxas shrugged. He felt a bit weird about Axel kissing him, after his mouth had been on his...

“I'll just get myself off. No offense, you're just not gay enough to work a dick.” Axel stole another kiss and reached for the lube, kicking at his jeans to get them the rest of the way off.

“Yeah, I figured that out,” Roxas mumbled, just embarrassed now.

“It's easier, y'know, not in a car.”

He shrugged again. Roxas sort of wished he could be home, now.

Axel paused in slicking his fingers. “D'you wanna make out, or should I just get off quick and get us back on the road?”

“I'm good to just go when you're done,” Roxas answered awkwardly, and looked out the window.

“Unlucky for you, then.” Axel repositioned himself, putting some space between them to get a bit more comfortable. Comfort was kind of necessary, if he was going to do this.

The sharp, needy sound Axel made wasn't familiar, not like his usual groans and sighs. Roxas's eyes unthinkingly flickered over, and immediately snapped back when he realized what was going on, color draining.

He'd buried two fingers inside himself and was pretty much ignoring Roxas, though the idea of this freaking him out made Axel smug. His breathing roughened as he sought out the angle he liked, his eyes closing and moaning when he finally brushed his prostate.

There was nothing really to focus on but those sounds. Roxas stared at the window and blindly grabbed for the discarded bag of popcorn. He hadn't anticipated the need to deal with aftertaste.

“ _Nngh_...”

He'd _never_ heard Axel sound like that.

Increasingly uncomfortable and self-conscious, Roxas ripped the bag open and leaned his head forward into the seat in front of him, pressing hard against it like he could sink right through and disappear.

Axel's mind was a blank, and that was for the better. It meant his climax wouldn't be spectacular, but it was much better to think of nothing. He worked himself up fast, groaned loud, and only removed his fingers from inside to stroke himself once, twice to completion.

“ _Fuck_...”

Roxas shut his eyes tightly. His hands had almost crushed the popcorn bag.

“... Ugh, where's the tissues...”

Promptly, Roxas leapt to grab the half-crushed box from where it'd been shoved under a seat. “Here.”

“Thanks.” Accepting it, Axel began cleaning off his hand, glancing at Roxas. He watched him drop popcorn into his mouth without guilt, and didn't think for long that the only reason he'd opted to finger himself was to make Roxas squirm.

“... You alright?”

“I'm-... I dunno,” Roxas faltered. “It's fine, though.”

“You handled that better than most straight boys would. Kudos,” Axel commented, being meticulous in the process of cleaning off his hand.

Roxas raised an eyebrow. “Thanks?”

“Especially considering you didn't get yours.”

“Wasn't expecting to...”

Axel whistled. “ _Weird_.”

“What?”

“Here I thought that was the whole point of us doing this.”

Roxas shrugged. “You... didn't finish, last time.”

“But this isn't about _me_ ,” Axel countered, a little colder. “Aren't we catering to you and your sex drive?”

Stunned, Roxas froze. Axel began to redress.

“... You said-...”

“Said what?” Axel put his legs through his pant legs.

“Last time I asked you said you just liked this,” Roxas said slowly, feeling a bit like the ground had been taken out from under him. “You said you didn't mind-... whatever it is.”

“Did I say I didn't like it?”

“If you've got a problem...”

“Didn't say that, either,” Axel shut down coolly, zipping up his fly. “It's obvioud why we're here and it's weird that we totally avoided the _point_ of 'driving'.”

“... I didn't think we missed out.” Roxas grumbled. He slid to the door and pushed it open, shutting it loudly behind him and leaving his laptop behind in the back seat. Eyes narrowing, Axel followed suit to get into the front of the car.

“So what _is_ the point?” Axel fired at him, closing the driver's seat door.

He didn't want to talk, now. Roxas _wanted_ to be pissed off at Axel for making accusations, and at himself for not having a real answer. He leaned forward and grabbed the hoodie he'd abandoned much earlier, tugging it on and throwing the hood up over his eyes.

“By your silence, I'm guessing... You don't know?”

Roxas turned his head towards the window.

“Don't fuck around right now, answer me,” Axel snapped, starting the car.

Sitting up, Roxas turned blazing eyes on him. “I _don't_ know. It was something I wanted to do with you. It was _almost_ the only thing that seemed to work for us.”

“That shit flew when we didn't know each other. We're past that. We actually get along, when you're not having a crisis about your sexuality.”

“That doesn't matter if this is all about catering to me, does it?”

Axel's tone flattened. “We're going out in secret, in a cramped car, to make out and come until you decide we're done and you can be a good hetero.”

He was more stung by that than he expected to be. “What's so different about _you_ sneaking out of your own?”

“Because I'm still gay, when all's said and done,” Axel replied shortly. “I still wind up with _Marluxia_ while my mom cries.”

“So why are you still agreeing to do this?”

“I said I like it, that wasn't a lie.”

Growling in frustration, Roxas tilted his head back. “Whatever. If this is still about 'catering' in your head, then fuck it. I don't need a big brother to take care of me.”

Axel laughed, short and disbelieving. “There's _nothing_ brotherly about what I do.”

“Point stands,” Roxas scowled.

“Fine. You don't want to mess around, that's your prerogative. 'Tils you get pent up again and want me to blow you, I'm sure.”

At that, Roxas nearly snapped at him to be let out, but realized how much it would suck, having to walk all the way back home when he wasn't even sure how they _got_ to this vacant lot. “If you don't want to stop, and you don't have a problem, what _do_ you want?”

“I want you to figure out your _bullshit_.”

“What do you think I was _trying_ to do?”

“Play with the gay?” Axel suggested shortly.

“I am so _fucking_ _confused_ , Axel,” Roxas snarled, a note of strain in his throat.

“I'll bet.”

Anger still boiling, Axel came to the conclusion that above all else, he was tired. He was just really fucking tired.

No less confused, no less hurt, Roxas slumped in his seat again and pulled his hood back up determinedly, as if hiding his eyes might stop them from stinging.

It wasn't said aloud; it didn't need to be. They'd both figured it out.

This – whatever this was, whatever it had been had been – was over.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to 2017 have a break up!


	25. Chapter 25

Ever since that drive, Roxas hadn't been sleeping well. He went through his days heavily fatigued, sure that gravity had a heavier pull on him than it should. He didn't talk to Namine save to mention that he and Axel were done – he just wasn't up for any conversation about it, and if he could be thankful for anything, it was that Axel didn't seem to want to talk about it either.

What sleep he did get was highly valued, as a result, and he didn't take kindly to it being interrupted. He was pulled from uneasy rest by the incessant and echoing yapping of a dog.

One of the neighbour's dalmatians. Just great.

It _could_ have been Pluto, though, if Ven forgot to let him in again for the night. Dragging himself up, Roxas trudged over to the window to check, but found he couldn't get a proper vantage point from his room.

The barking wasn't going to stop, though, so he had to do something. Heaving a sigh, he decided that he could at least check Ven's room. Pluto would either be at his usual place at the foot of Ven's bed, or he was out in the backyard.

Roxas glanced at the clock. Well after two in the morning.

Fantastic.

Yawning weakly, Roxas opened his bedroom door and went on his way to Ven's, trying to be light on his feet out of consideration for the rest of the household. But he wasn't the only one awake.

Voices, coming from Zack and Aerith's room, and something about their tones made Roxas wonder if something was wrong. He stopped outside of Ven's door and listened hard.

“ - boys will be there, and I'm sure our local friends could make it -”

“This isn't about how big the ceremony will be, but since it comes to that, we'd be throwing away all the money we put on deposits.”

Zack was trying not to sound heated; Aerith, trying not to sound tearful.

“I can make more money,” Zack dismissed.

“That still isn't the point. I have no idea when you'll come back-... _if_ you'll come back.”

“The _if_ is the point. Aerith... if I can make life easier for you once I'm gone -”

Aerith's voice grew sharp. “I'm not marrying you just to be guaranteed a widow's pension!”

“That's not – It's not _just_ for that reason! I love you, and it'd give me peace of mind to know that, if the worst happens -”

“Well, then I'd rather not give you peace of mind, so you don't take risks!”

Roxas's gentle knock had gone unheeded, but he was too worried about what he was hearing to care, and pushed the door open instead.

“Risks are necessary in my line of -” Zack stopped abruptly as the door creaked, getting up from where he'd been seated on the bed. “Roxas. What-... What are you doing up?”

“What's going on?” Roxas had shot past concern into fear, now. Something cold roiled in the pit of his stomach, dreading to hear what he had to know.

“... We were going to wait until morning to talk to you,” Aerith said, her voice steadier in his presence than it had been through the door.

Zack sighed quietly, having been hoping to put off this conversation for as long as possible. “... There's an escalating conflict in Wutai that SOLDIER has been deployed to... get things under control.”

Ice crept up through Roxas's blood. “But, you aren't on active duty for... another year, or something.”

“Your father wasn't assigned,” Aerith explained. “He... requested to be deployed on a special mission.”

Before either of them could get another word in, Roxas burst out, “Requested?! You _asked_ to be sent into combat with all that's going on? So soon after Mom?!”

“Roxas, calm down,” Zack lowered his voice. “I may not be active, but too many of my friends are – Axel's father, and your uncle. I shouldn't discuss what we have to do, but it's better that I'm there.”

His uncle. He remembered hearing the news that he had been deployed months ago, largely because of a distressed phone call between his father and uncle reassuring the former that he would definitely be on leave in time to attend the wedding. Since then, Roxas had been asked periodically if he wanted to read the emails his dad received from him. He hadn’t thought about it at all with all the shit in his own life, but come to think of it, he couldn’t recall reading one of his messages in an unusually long time.

“... Is Uncle Cloud in danger?”

“Everyone over in Wutai is,” Zack replied evasively. “I can help, though, and I'll be okay.”

“I think we should wake everyone to have this conversation,” Aerith suggested softly. Zack looked slightly pained.

“... You're right. Roxas, would you mind going downstairs? We'll get everyone in the living room...”

“Okay,” Roxas said, and turned to go.

He felt numb.

“I'll take Axel, you take Ven?” Aerith suggested, tired. The two of them followed Roxas out of the bedroom and went separate ways, and Roxas took hold of the banister as he climbed down the stairs.

One step. Another step. Another.

His father was going back into combat.

It wasn't the first time, but in the past Roxas had been too young to properly appreciate the danger his dad would be in. Before, when Zack was shipped overseas to handle huge crises, Roxas had thought of TV dramas with car chases and negotiators and heroic victories. It hadn't really occurred to him that Zack could get hurt.

Then he'd grown up, figured out what the world was capable of, and realized that Zack could die if he was sent somewhere dangerous enough, if even one thing went wrong, one oversight... It hadn't been immediately relevant, then. Zack hadn't gone anywhere, and his mother was there, and things were good.

And then they weren't, again. There had been a period of time Roxas could hardly sleep for the thought that he could become an orphan. He could still end up as one.

Roxas reached the bottom of the stairs, listlessly walked to the living room, and sat down on the couch. He stared down at it while his family filtered in; Ven looked sleepy, still rubbing his eyes and yawning with his mouth wide open, Zack's expression was set. Axel had a look on his face as though challenging Zack to have a good reason for calling a family meeting so late at night (or early in the morning).

“You should all take a seat,” Zack told them, but Axel remained standing. Also remaining on her feet, Aerith put a hand to her mouth, covering most of her expression.

“... Sorry to have to wake you guys up,” Zack began, steeling himself. “We were going to tell you in the morning, but...” he trailed off, exhaled, and came out with it. “I'm being deployed to Wutai, before the end of the week.”

Roxas stared down at the couch. Ven's tired eyes blew wide.

“But-... You're not supposed to be deployed right now,” Ven protested.

“Special request. Uncle Cloud is over there, as is the General, Axel.”

As the implications had hit him, Axel's shoulders had hunched, suddenly feeling a lot younger than he was. “Yeah. I figured.”

“The thing is,” Zack swallowed, “their squad is missing. They failed to report in.”

It took everyone a second to process that. Axel, wishing he'd taken the suggestion to sit, glanced at his mother and found Aerith unable to speak, pain creasing her brow.

With a slight quaver in his voice, Ven asked, “Does that mean they're...?”

“We don't know,” Zack admitted heavily. “I don't think so – they're good soldiers. Whatever's happened, I'm going to help find them.”

Without looking up, Roxas pointed out, “But if something _did_ happen to them, you're going where the same could happen to you.”

Exercising an incredible amount of effort, Aerith managed to speak softly. “We shouldn't think like that. They haven't even been officially reported Missing In Action yet...”

“Aerith is right. This is to prevent anything from really happening.” Zack sighed. “Really, I should be going over there sooner, but they want to wait until they can cover our flight... We're taking precautions.”

“How long are you going to be gone...?” Ven had gone pale.

“... I don't know.”

Ven looked from Zack to Aerith, then back. “So... what about the wedding?”

“We haven't decided yet,” Aerith replied wearily.

“It's being discussed,” Zack added, staring at his sons. He was struggling to find his resolve all over again, the decision to go having been agonizing to begin with.

Axel had lapsed into total silence. He was, for once, at a loss for words, and the unpleasant realization that he felt worse for his mother than he did about his father being missing made him burn with unexpected guilt.

“There's no question of whether we're getting married,” Aerith assured them, “only if we rush it and have a much smaller ceremony, or if we postpone until... whenever we need to.”

Roxas wondered what would happen to Ven and him if Zack didn't return. Legally, Aerith wasn’t their mother yet. Most likely, they’d be dumped into foster care. They’d lose everything but each other in one fell swoop. His eyes prickled and stung incessantly.

“... I'm not going to be reckless,” Zack said firmly. “I _am_ coming back home.”

Ven nodded slowly. “... Can I have a hug?”

Zack barely let Ven get the question out before he was hugging both Ven and Roxas, holding onto them as tightly as though they might slip away. Ven wrapped an arm around him and clung, but Roxas just let the hug happen.

He recognized this feeling. This felt exactly like the time they heard their mother's diagnosis. When they'd known she was going to die.

“... Mom?” Axel found his voice, and it was surprisingly weak.

“Yes...?”

“Are we gonna be okay...?”

She crossed to where Axel was standing to hug him, too. “We'll be fine,” she soothed him. “We'll all be fine.”

Aerith was holding him as if she wasn't significantly shorter than him, like she used to when he was little, and Axel kind of needed exactly that right now.

He hadn't felt like a kid in years, but now... Now, he did.

No one had an easy time falling asleep again, so they didn't. They all took the day off school, Aerith calling into work and Zack staying home to spend the time he still had with his sons.

  
  


* * *

 

By Friday morning, Zack had gone.

The wedding hadn't taken place. He'd caved at last when it seemed they'd run out of time, and promised that he'd come back with both Cloud and Sephiroth in tow.

For all his reassurances, for all the time he'd spent trying to make it okay, Zack's departure still felt like losing a father.

For Roxas, their house had never felt less like home.

 


	26. Chapter 26

It took a few weeks to start feeling like Zack wasn't gone for good. He was allowed to make calls periodically, and he made sure his children and fiancee knew he was still alive and well. The search for Sephiroth and Cloud's squad, though, wasn't going as well as they'd hoped, so no one felt like they could relax just yet.

Aerith was in a bit of a tizzy, trying to rearrange all the plans for the wedding, now that the original date had passed. Things had to be reordered, rescheduled. The florist and catering was very sympathetic, as was their minister, but things such as the venue still needed to be paid for since the cancellation was such short notice. Money was a bit tighter as a result, more down payments being made and things being paid for without even being used.

The end of the school year approached rapidly, but the lustre of summer was too dulled to lift anyone’s spirits.

Axel mostly kept to his room and only showed up for meals, and during those he was uncharacteristically silent. Ven was good at filling the silences and keeping a brave face on, but he still frequently left the house and went to his friends for comfort. Things at home were tense, but not necessarily miserable.

Still, there were other things on Roxas's mind. Equally important, as far as he was concerned.

He carried two slices of cake over from the cafe counter, turning back to the table. Guilt had prompted him to do just about everything for Namine during this outing, leaving her to relax in an overlarge cushioned chair, sipping at her white tea.

“There...” he slid the plate of strawberry shortcake across to her, and she set down her tea with a smile.

“Thank you. You really didn't have to treat me.”

Taking the seat across from her, Roxas picked up his much-needed coffee. “I wanted to. At least a little payment for the free therapy you've been giving me for months.”

She shook her head. “I'm your friend! I want to be there for you.”

“But I haven't been much of a friend, have I?”

“What do you mean?” Namine frowned. “You're my best friend.”

Roxas gave her a slight look, feeling it really should be obvious what he was talking about. “We've barely seen each other the last few weeks, and I didn't even realize until today that they only times I _have_ seen you is to talk about Axel or my dad.”

“I know you're busy. There's so much going on, and you're dealing with serious things.”

“Well, what about you?” Roxas pressed. “You must be going through... something.”

Fork in hand, Namine paused. Roxas watched her expectantly.

“... Do I have to be the one telling _you_ to communicate, here?”

“No...” she said slowly. “I suppose... I guess, things at home are getting difficult. I've tried to talk to my foster parents about Marluxia.”

Immediately, Roxas had to fight down a scowl. “God, what's he been doing now?”

Namine bit her lip. “He won't let me close my door. And he takes my drawings from me.”

A look of revulsion crossed his face. “What the fuck? And what are your foster parents doing about it?”

“Nothing really,” she answered, a little despondent. “They've said it's a good thing, that Marluxia is taking an interest in my art...”

Roxas fumbled with his fork and nearly dropped it. “Have you told them you don't want your art taken away?”

“Yes, and he lies to them. He tells them that he's only looking at them, that he'll give them right back...”

“ _Ugh_ ,” Roxas spat, tense with hateful rage. “I know you like them most of the time, but they've got a purposeful blind spot when it comes to Marluxia. They _never_ listen.”

“He's their real son...”

“ _Don't_ start saying stuff like that,” Roxas cut in heatedly, a little harsh. “Don't ever let yourself start thinking you deserve less than someone's 'real' kid, because good parents would never treat you like it.”

Namine's eyes had fallen downcast. “I don't know how I should be treated.”

“Like someone's daughter. Someone's smart, talented, and way too nice daughter.”

She went pink, still staring down at the table. “... I don't think they'll change.”

Roxas's voice softened. “Namine, it sucks to have to use _my_ situation as an example, but... Aerith would never let Axel _pull rank_ on me, or Ven. And you should never have to put up with that.” He took a deep breath. “You probably know what I'm gonna say, and you won't like it.”

Namine had bitten her lip. “I can't go back.”

“Is the only alternative living with _Marluxia?_ ”

“If I go back in the system... What if I'm taken in by someone across the city? Across the _country?_ ” Namine fretted. “They can't be accommodating when there are so few people willing to foster a teenager...”

Roxas bit down on the inside of his cheek. He _hated_ the idea of losing Namine, really hated it. But... he couldn't be selfish about this, not about Namine's well-being.

“If he's doing this to you, and your parents aren't doing anything about it, _someone_ has to know.”

“... I'm scared to.”

“I know,” Roxas exhaled. “But he's not going to get any better, and I hate thinking of you being stuck in that house with him for the next... three years, at least. More, if you stay past eighteen.”

Lightly, Namine dragged the fork across the icing of her cake, making patterns. “... I know that I can't stay. _He_ knows that I'm trapped there, unless I'm willing to be alone again.”

“Maybe you won't have to go back into the system for long,” Roxas said, a little desperately. “Maybe you'll be adopted.”

“Maybe I will,” Namine agreed, but didn't sound convinced.

Roxas hesitated even as he spoke. “Okay, don't shoot this down right away. I could-... _Maybe_ I could talk to Aerith and my dad, when he calls next. I mean, before last year I didn't think Dad was looking to accumulate any more kids, but...”

Namine stared. “They'd need a license if they fostered me, and if I were adopted-... I'd be a huge financial burden.”

“You're my _best friend_. That has to mean something to them.”

Without warning, Namine sniffled. Roxas froze up in alarm.

“... Oh god.”

“I'm sorry, I...” Naming grabbed her napkin to dab her eyes as tears spilled over.

“Shit, I made you cry...” Roxas got up, groping around uselessly for something to do. “Hey...”

“Don't feel bad, it isn't...” Namine sniffled. “... You're really nice.”

He sat on the arm of her chair, wrapping an arm around her. He wanted to make her smile, or laugh, and said the first thing that came to mind. “Hey, maybe I could tell them they owe me now. I didn't get to pick my new 'brother', I should get to pick a sister.”

Namine giggled through another sniffle. Relieved, Roxas squeezed her shoulder a little. He had no idea how this whole comforting thing worked.

“... It's sweet to offer,” she finally said. “I'm really thankful to have a friend like you...”

“I don't really know how to say stuff like this, but I couldn't have made it through this last year without you, so... no thanks necessary.”

“It's okay.” Namine wiped her eyes and smiled again. They were still watery and red. “I know what you mean.”

Glad to see her smiling, Roxas grinned weakly back.

“I think you'd be a good brother, too. But then, Marluxia is my only basis for comparison.”

“I don't know if I'm a good brother or not, this whole thing has gotten so fucked up...” Roxas sighed. “But at least I can promise it wouldn't be that way with you.”

“I know.” Namine's head rested lightly against his shoulder, which finally managed to make Roxas smile genuinely. Lightly, but not really teasing, she suggested, “If you want to, we can stop for ice cream when we're done our dessert.”

Roxas pushed her gently with his hip. “See, you've got the sibling thing down already.”

Smiling, Namine loaded up her fork with cake to put in her mouth.

After a moment, Roxas spoke again. “Hey, if you decide to report him, I'll be there. If you want me in the room when you call, or if you want me to go to Social Services with you, it's done.”

Namine blinked before any more tears could well up. “... That would really help.”

“Good.”

“I'll need to figure out all I have to say... And I don't think I'd feel right doing it behind my foster parents' backs...”

“They wouldn't try to stop you, would they?”

“No, I don't think so,” Namine answered. “But they will be upset.”

“Well, good. If they're upset, maybe they'll do something about it.”

“Unless it's me they're upset with...”

“That sounds like _their_ problem,” Roxas grumbled, squeezing her once before returning to his seat.

Covering a slight smile, Namine had another mouthful of cake.

 

* * *

 

Zack's video calls were a semi-frequent tradition he partook in whenever possible, which usually was quite late at night for the family and very early in the morning for him. Still, any fatigue was carefully hidden from his sons to keep them from worrying, and he continued calling as often as possible while he was still able.

Roxas was extremely glad tonight was one of the nights he was available. He'd purposefully let Axel and Ven have their chats first, going over everything he wanted to say and the way he wanted to say it.

Ven and Zack were saying their 'I love you's and wrapping up their chat, and Ven was wearing a broad smile.

“Okay, gonna let you talk to Roxas now,” he announced. “And for-real Roxas this time, not where I put on a different shirt and pretend I'm Roxas for a bit.”

“Yes, I don't make the best prank partner,” Aerith chimed in, sitting just in view of the webcam. Zack laughed.

“You'd have almost had me. But yeah, I'd like to talk to the real Roxas.”

“Yeah. 'Night, Dad, or... morning?” Ven shook his head. “Anyway, talk to you soon.”

“Goodnight, Ven,” Zack chuckled. Still grinning, Ven stood up and stretched, allowing Roxas to immediately take his seat.

He was eager to speak to them both. He had this all figured out.

“Roxas!” Zack greeted brightly. “You being good?”

“Wow, why is that the first question I get?” Roxas asked, slightly indignant but really only teasing.

“Because it's the same one I asked Axel and Ven,” Zack grinned. Roxas returned it.

“Yeah, sure. So, there's actually a thing I wanted to talk to both of you about...”

Aerith's eyebrows rose. That sort of opening was always a bit worrisome. “This is the first I've heard about it.”

“What is it?” Zack inquired, brows knitting. He was trying not to assume Roxas was in trouble.

“It's... You know my friend Namine? Well, she's-...” he realized he shouldn't go into too much detail. “She probably won't be able to stay in her foster home anymore.”

Zack was starting to look concerned. “Is something wrong with her foster family?”

“Sort of? I shouldn't really talk about it,” Roxas professed, and plowed on. “Anyway, that means going back into the system and being put into just any home that will take a teenager, or even a group home.”

“I'm sorry to hear that,” Aerith said, sympathetic. Zack frowned, starting to get an idea of where Roxas was going with this.

“But, if there was a family she knows, one that won't move her far from her school, they'd approve it for sure,” Roxas went on quickly.

“You're suggesting we foster her,” Aerith narrowed his rambling down to the point, and shared a look of concern with Zack.

“We don't have another bedroom for her... And we could never promise a permanent home for her,” Zack thought aloud. “We just don't have that kind of room...”

Roxas had already planned his response. “I'll go back to sharing with Ven. We can move into my room, or she can. And even if she could just stay until she can find a permanent home, that would help her so much.”

Quieter, Aerith put on her most reasonable tone. “We don't even have a fostering license...”

“Couldn't you get one?” Roxas looked to them both with his best pleading blue eyes. “Please? I don't want to lose my best friend...”

That look was infamous. Zack always had a hard time saying no. “... I know how much you care about her...”

Meeting his eyes, Aerith already saw that he'd been defeated. “I _could_ get in touch with Tifa, find out how she started fostering...”

“I don't know if the fostering stipulations allow someone abroad to get their license...”

Having done his research, Roxas immediately interjected. “But you can get one as a single parent, then update it later. Since you guys aren't... y'know...” he trailed off guiltily.

Aerith tried not to frown. “I'll have to do some reading of my own to see if such a thing is even feasible. We aren't _struggling_ with money right now...”

“... Aerith and I will do some research and discuss it, alright? It's a maybe,” Zack determined.

Roxas fought a smile. Fifteen years had taught him that a 'maybe' from his father was generally a 'yes' in disguise.

“Not to mention Axel and Ven have to agree,” Aerith pointed out. “I'm guessing you haven't mentioned your plan to them yet?”

Roxas looked a little caught. “I wanted to ask first...”

“Ven will agree,” Zack pondered, mind already on the way this could work. He was starting to open webpages about the fostering process. “He'll think of it like a slumber party, probably.”

“Yeah, probably...” Roxas just hoped Axel had enough sympathy to choose Namine over Marluxia.

“Have a family discussion about it,” Zack said. “Then, we'll see.”

“Sure,” Roxas grinned.

“Adoption is definitely out of the question, though,” Zack cautioned. “I think we would if we could, but we just bought this house... We can't have four kids in the house at a time in the long-term. We just don't have the space.”

Roxas couldn't help but be a little let down by that, but he'd purposely disallowed himself from getting his hopes up. “Okay, I'll let you guys talk!” he declared, quickly getting up.

Zack was amused, but all the more willing to give Roxas's plan a try when he was so obviously eager. “Okay. I love you.”

“Love you. Talk to you later,” Roxas said, getting up to head to his room. He was barely out of the room before he heard the two of them starting to discuss. If he'd been more uncertain about what the outcome of their conversation would be, he would've lingered to eavesdrop... but he was pretty sure he knew what they were going to end up deciding.

He needed to text Namine right away.


	27. Chapter 27

Ven's bedroom had been cleared out and cleaned to make room for Namine and her possessions, which she had so few of to begin with that it hardly seemed relevant once she was there. She was perfectly content with her art supplies, though, and even more content to be out of Marluxia's house.

The fostering process, as it turned out, didn't pan out the way they'd hoped it would. Getting a license could take up to a year, they discovered, and that was far too long for anyone's liking. While that process was initiated, Aerith instead had to negotiate with Namine's current foster parents for temporary custody. Essentially, Namine's situation was still legally in their hands while she had a sort of extended sleepover at Roxas's house, but it was an arrangement that was, so far, working. Marluxia and his parents were spared a black mark, and Namine seemed to be a balancing influence on Roxas’s moods. After a couple of weeks, the fear that she'd be taken away calmed, and she began to properly settle into the house.

Namine started leaving 'her' bedroom to draw in the dining or living room, doodling or sketching when she wasn't politely offering to help with chores. She started doing her homework with Roxas – and, sometimes, Ven – as the school year droned on and came to its close. She attended Axel's graduation ceremony with the rest of the family, even joined in the occasional online call with Zack.

She was fitting in.

The first day of summer vacation was unexpectedly and almost unbearably hot. In her breeziest dress, Namine sat on the living room floor with her sketchpad on the coffee table and her hair pulled off her neck, while Roxas lay sprawled on the floor under the air conditioning unit. No one had seen much of Axel since his graduation; he didn't do much but stay in his room and snooze until he got hungry, and Aerith still had work every day.

With a rapidly dissolving popsicle in hand, Ven came out of the kitchen and looked around the living room, silent but for the hum of the air conditioner.

“... So, are you guys gonna do anything?”

“No. It's too hot to move,” Roxas grumbled from the floor.

Namine made a soft noise of agreement. “The air conditioning seems to be stuck in this room... The rest of the house is stifling.”

“Especially upstairs,” Roxas concurred.

“Then let's go out somewhere with better air conditioning!” Ven declared.

“You want to go _outside?_ ” Roxas lifted his head slightly. “Are you insane?”

Ven looked unabashed, despite his bold and ridiculous suggestion. “Axel could drive?”

“Okay, if you want to be the one to ask.” Roxas hadn't seen much of Axel, and he thought that was probably for the best.

“It _might_ be nice to do something to break the monotony...” Namine pondered. “But it really is too hot to walk around outside.”

“Yeah, but still...” Ven dropped onto the couch. “You guys are _boring_.”

“Hey.” Roxas pointed vaguely in Ven's direction. “That's my sister you're talking to.”

She was never able to suppress a smile when he said that. License or no license, they seemed to consider her part of the family regardless. “If there was something we could do without having to move a lot...”

Ven rolled his eyes. “But all the best stuff we have to move for. And I'm your _brother_ ,” he added to Roxas, “so there.”

“Actually...” Roxas hauled himself to sit upright. “We were going to wait to tell you, but... you're adopted, Ven.”

“Wh-... No, I'm _not_.”

The ludicrousness made Namine giggle. In a tone of mock-understanding, Roxas went on, “I know this is hard to accept, but we all love you and -”

“Oh my god, I know I'm not adopted, Roxas. We're identical twins!”

He clicked his tongue knowingly. “Ah, yeah, that's the thing. So you wouldn't figure it out, they did emergency plastic surgery on you as a baby.”

“No, they didn't.” Ven pitched a pillow at him. Roxas dodged it.

“Hey, I know you're upset, and I'm sorry. I didn't want you to find out this way.”

“You know, being adopted is nothing to be ashamed of,” Namine played along. “And they did a very good job on your surgery.”

“Aw, not you too, Namine...”

“Yeah, turns out Namine is my real twin,” Roxas nodded. “We were separated at birth, it's really sad.”

Namine covered her mouth before she could laugh again.

“You have different birthdays!” Ven argued.

“Yeah, crazy how that happened...”

“Strange, how twins can be born months apart,” Namine agreed knowingly.

“One of those wacky medical mysteries. They probably thought it was better just to find a random kid with the same birthday.” Roxas 'tsk'ed. “But we couldn't hide the truth forever.”

Ven chucked another pillow at him, this time hitting Roxas in the chest. “You guys at the worst!”

“Hey, there's no need for that. Family is still family, Ven, honestly.”

“We all love you just the same,” Namine consoled.

There was a snort from the hallway. Axel had left his room to go to the kitchen,  dressed only in shorts, and moved on after hearing enough of their conversation. Roxas looked up, and then down and anywhere else, his laugh faltering.

Namine was careful not to look at Roxas to avoid drawing attention to him. “Adoption or no adoption... that doesn't really help us decide what to do.”

“I'm not sure I want to hang out with you guys anymore,” Ven said.

Roxas dropped onto his back again. “I'm too hot to think.”

“I'm sorry, Ven,” Namine said, still smiling.

“I guess I can forgive you. Roxas is the one who betrayed me forever.”

He laughed weakly. His mind was still on Axel.

“I suppose going outside might not be too bad if we stay in the shade... but we'd need somewhere to go,” Namine thought aloud.

“Mm...” Roxas went silent for several minutes while his head buzzed with the effort of thinking, until it dawned on him that something was actually buzzing. He slid his phone over from where he'd abandoned it on the floor a foot away. “... Hayner's calling me...”

“Mm?” Namine glanced over. Roxas answered the phone and brought it to his ear.

“Hey – agh-!”

It was quickly moved away from his ear again, and Hayner was clearly audible without even being on speaker.

“ - at the train station! Can you be there in half an hour?”

“ _Ow_. Yeah, I guess, but why?”

“Dude! The beach!” Hayner hollered. “Didn't I say we were all going to the beach this summer?”

Namine covered a smile again. That was pretty typical Hayner.

Roxas held the phone as close as he could without wincing. “I didn't think you meant on day one.”

“Yeah, figured we should go before everyone gets busy and we miss it like last year.”

“Okay, okay. I'll be there.” Roxas begrudgingly supposed he could move to spend time with his friends. “Hey, can I bring Namine?”

Namine, having assumed she'd be staying behind, lit up.

“Why not? More the merrier, right?” Hayner continued to bellow. “Just get here pronto and don't forget to bring extra cash.”

“Why do I need -”

“Pretzels, man! Duh. Okay? See ya'.”

Hayner hung up, and Roxas put his abused phone back down.

“I've never been to the beach,” Namine told him, kind of shy about her anticipation and hoping that wouldn't mean she couldn't come along.

“Aw, crap, you probably don't have a swimsuit then... Hang on.” Roxas picked his phone back up and tapped on his messaging app. “If Olette hasn't left yet, I can ask her to bring you a spare...”

“That'd be really great.” She was practically brimming with happiness over getting to do something with friends.

Roxas typed a hasty request. “Ven, you wanna come?”

“Nah, I'm waiting for Terra and Aqua's next day off to go with them,” Ven shook his head.

“Sorry to just leave you behind,” Namine began to say, but he shrugged dismissively.

“S'okay. I've got tons of video games I need to make progress on.”

Relieved he didn't feel abandoned, Namine relaxed. “Oh, good.”

“Olette's got you covered, Nam,” Roxas informed her as the text lit up his phone.

“Thank her for me!”

“Uh-huh,” Roxas got to his feet, still looking at his phone. “We should get ready quick. Wouldn't be the first time Hayner ditched me 'cause I was late.”

“I'll just put my sketchbook away!” Namine gathered it up and hurried off upstairs.

It was nice to see her happy. It was nice just _having_ her here. If Zack could also just come home, then...

Well, it probably still wouldn't have been perfect. There was still Axel to account for.

 

* * *

 

The following week, Ven had chosen to accompany Aerith and Namine on a shopping excursion – upon hearing that she didn't own a swimsuit, Aerith thought they ought to rectify that. Additionally, Aerith had agreed that Namine should come to the wedding, which meant she also needed something to wear to it. As much as Roxas loved Namine, he still could think of a hundred things he'd rather do than go clothes shopping, the first item on the list being to sit around and mope all day. It was a hell of a lot easier without Ven's obnoxiously cheerful presence in his bedroom.

There wasn’t even anything particularly wrong today to depress him. He’d been to the beach, the skate park, took more pictures in a week than he had since there was still snow on the ground. Life wasn’t great, but it was… okay. He was okay.

Maybe it was _being_ okay that was getting to him, while he was dogged by a vague sense that things _shouldn’t_ be okay. Or maybe it was that the hot, bright stillness felt more precarious with every day nothing went wrong.

But what did he know? Wondering why didn’t help any more than trying to ignore his unease, lingering like a stubborn itch in his brain.

Unfortunately, there was only so long someone could mope all alone before the call of nature rudely interrupted, and Roxas had no choice but to leave his room.

Hands still a little damp after washing them, Roxas exited the bathroom with the intention of slinking off to sulk some more. The smell of smoke gave him pause, though.

That couldn't be good. Hesitating, Roxas glanced down and backtracked, checking under doors. When he pinpointed the source, he was both relieved and not surprised.

Axel's. He was definitely burning something in there.

Damn it, did he just not care that he could burn the house down?

“ _Shit_...” Roxas sighed, knocking shortly. It went ignored. “Come on...”

Inside, Axel dropped the burning essay into his metal wastebasket, getting up to open the window with shaky hands. “Not now,” he called tensely, and his voice accidentally broke mid-word.

Roxas's stomach dropped. He didn't even _recognize_ that voice.

Axel heard the door open, but it didn't stop him from lighting another paper aflame. “Mom, seriously, can I -...” Glancing back, he stared at Roxas with red-rimmed eyes, clearly not having expected him. His tone went flat. “What?”

In that moment, he was totally unfamiliar. Roxas stared back, winded by the strangeness of seeing Axel not cocky, not angry, not... _anything_ that he could decipher. “What is this...?”

“I opened a window, it'll clear out.”

Roxas stood his ground, not accepting the dismissal. “No, what the _fuck_ is this?”

“Can you just. Go?” Axel sounded tired.

“No. Something's up, and no one else is home.”

Axel dropped the burning paper scrap into the ashy heap in his trash. “... I'm not up for this,” he muttered. “Can we skip it...?”

“Great, best time.” Undeterred and stubborn, Roxas marched in and sat on Axel's bed.

Still not willing to face a conversation, Axel fell back on a rarely-used tactic. “Roxas, _please?_ ”

“Why are you burning shit?” Roxas demanded, balling up his fists.

“It calms me down. Are we done?”

Craning his neck, Roxas squinted into Axel's defiant gaze. “Your eyes...”

Axel looked away sharply. “Seriously. I'm not a stellar conversationalist, so can we not?”

“Fine, don't talk to me. I'm not moving, though.”

“You don't want to hear it and I don't want to talk about it,” Axel insisted.

“No, I really fucking want to hear this. I told you, didn't I? We're allies, so... you can tell me things.”

Axel's groan came out a little choked. “Fuck you...”

“You're _scaring_ me, I want to hear why,” Roxas pressed.

That seemed to jolt Axel a little, enough to put a crack in his wall. “... Scaring you?”

“This looks-...” Roxas trailed off, pushing a hand through his hair. Axel dragged a hand down his face, his inhale a hiss and his silence heavy, and Roxas just waited. He rocked very slightly on the edge of the bed, expression forcibly wrestled into something neutral.

At last, Axel muttered, “Don't laugh.”

“I'm not laughing,” Roxas promised. Axel took another moment, sorting out words before speaking them.

“... I feel... doomed.”

“... Doomed?” Roxas repeated.

“I'm... Fuck.” Axel began to pace, in lieu of starting another fire. “I'm never gonna be happy. I'm _stuck_.”

Stunned silent, Roxas just listened. This wasn't what he'd expected. Hell, he hadn't known what to expect of Axel, but this was the strangest thing of all the impossibilities.

“Friends are-... Friends don't happen for me. Not easy. Even fewer of those friends'll be gay _and_ attracted to me. Even less of those will like me. Marluxia-... Marluxia is literally the _only guy_ who wants me long-term, to _fuck_ with, fuck with my head and... We fucking... wreck each other. And that's what I'll get. That's... what I'm stuck with.”

Roxas's stomach was twisting. “You're only stuck 'til college, right?”

“Who else will I meet?” Axel shot at him. “More dudes at parties who only want to fuck and go? Or just want a secret lay?”

“... I don't know what kind of guys you'll meet...”

“What do I even do if I meet a guy I like?” Axel went on. “Take him home to meet Mom?”

“Well, uh... No...”

“So...” Axel stopped pacing, defeated. “What do I do.”

It didn't sound like a question. Axel had already accepted one possibility, and hated it.

“... Look, I don't know,” Roxas said helplessly; he felt completely out of his depth. “I don't know how gay guys have relationships when their parents don't know. But I know they do. And...” he swung his legs idly, a nervous gesture. “Realistically, I don't think you'll have that much trouble... bringing them to you.”

“Hn?” Axel glanced at him, a little blank.

“You-... You're boyfriend material, right?”

“Apparently not,” Axel replied flatly.

Roxas shrugged, not knowing what the correct response to that was. “... It's not going to be the same out there.”

“I don't know that. Neither do you.” Axel picked up another paper and withdrew his lighter again.

“That doesn't make you _doomed_ , though.”

“Sure as hell feels like it,” he said quietly, and started to burn the corner. Roxas watched it catch, watched the embers crawl up the paper.

“... So, what are you going to do?”

“Accept fate and date Marluxia?” Axel suggested hollowly.

Roxas became intent, dead serious. “You are _not_ dating Marluxia.”

“... So I just stay alone.” That was the only thing Axel could think of that was actually _worse_ than being bullied and fought with all his life.

“Fuck, I don't know, but just... not Marluxia,” Roxas insisted. “You're too good for that guy. You don't... deserve to be fucked with by him.”

Axel glanced away. “... Alright. No dating Marluxia.”

“... If I knew a better guy I'd suggest him...”

Axel's voice was too hollow to be anything but honest. “Could've been you.”

Even if they hadn't fought, hadn't unofficially ended all their screwing around, Roxas would have been mystified.

He was still so confused. Still _wrecked_ inside, wondering who he was, what this all made him.

“... Why?”

“I can fight with you without hating you. You're sexy. You're fun.”

Roxas sure as hell didn't see those things in himself. “Not sure you deserve that either...”

“Apparently, I don't deserve anything.”

“Shit,” Roxas exhaled. “You know what I meant...”

“No, I really don't.” Axel sank onto the mattress. “I don't fucking know.”

“You don't want someone as fucked up with themselves as I am,” Roxas began. “You said you don't care about being used, but you're here now, so...”

“Dude, just... Shut up.”

Roxas went quiet.

“Being used was literally the best thing I could hope for.” Axel lay back. “S'pathetic.”

“Okay. Well, that's not what I want for you,” Roxas expressed.

“Now who's brotherly?”

“Got to practice sometime. Seriously, though...” Roxas nudged him, “... I'm not good at talking about this stuff.”

Axel didn't comment on that either way. He wasn't any better at this sort of thing.

“You're actually a pretty good guy, Axel,” Roxas professed. “I mean, still an asshole, but... yeah, better than I expected.”

He just snorted.

“So. You deserve better,” Roxas concluded.

“... Thanks.”

Roxas shrugged.

There was something Axel thought he needed, and really, Roxas was the only person he could ask it from. “... At the risk of destroying whatever's left of my good name, can I kiss you?”

To his own surprise, Roxas didn't even deliberate over it. “If it helps.”

Sitting upright again, Axel placed a gentle hand on the back of Roxas's neck, then leaned in.

The kiss was chaste. It was just... what Axel needed, to feel some kind of closeness that wasn't about sex, wasn't about shutting the other person up, wasn't about anything but being with someone who gave a damn. For the moment, the nature of their relationship didn't matter so much. They just kissed each other until Axel pulled back.

He couldn't maintain eye contact for long, but his eyes weren't as red. “... Thanks. Uh, again.”

Roxas mumbled indistinctly and also averted his gaze, looking at the floor.

“... Could you not tell my mom I was burning shit? She knows I do that, but she gets worried.”

“I won't. You couldn't tell her why...”

“Yeah. I mean, I could lie, but.”

Roxas squirmed a little. The smell of smoke was still pretty prevalent, if Axel wanted to hide what he was doing. “D'you... Can I bring anything? I have a fan in my room.”

“It'll air out on it's own, s'probably fine,” Axel dismissed.

“... I didn't really mean things like a fan, anyway,” Roxas admitted.

“What did you mean?”

“Something more helpful, I guess.”

Axel hesitated. “... Could bring your laptop. We could chill, I guess.”

“Yeah, uh. I can do that.” Roxas got up hastily, glad to be doing something that wasn't talking. He went back to his bedroom to get it, grabbing his external hard drive as well when an idea of what they could watch popped into his head.

He wondered if it'd be weird, just hanging out without either of them expecting sex.

Returning to Axel's room, he nudged the door further open and asked, “Outlet?”

“Yeah, here...” Axel sat up from where he'd crashed back onto his bed again, reaching out for the cord and plugging it in by the outlet next to his bed. Roxas edged around the ash-filled can to take a seat.

“So,” he began, holding up the hard drive, “I have the whole series we were watching before on this. If you're interested in starting from the beginning.”

Axel found that his misery wasn't lingering as intrusively as he'd thought it would, and managed a faint grin. “Sure. Context would be cool.”

“Good,” Roxas turned the laptop and plugged in the hard drive. “There's a character in the second season I think you'll like.”

Again, Axel was surprised. He wouldn't have expected Roxas to give much thought to what Axel liked, but there it was. “Nice.”

Roxas opened the folder containing the first season, and the two of them sprawled out as much as two people could on a twin-sized mattress to watch.

The smoke took a while to clear, but they were breathing easier even before it disappeared.


	28. Chapter 28

The sense of equilibrium and comfort was dissipating by the day. Aerith had become more stressed, more occupied and easily upset as of late, and the reasons weren't hard to pinpoint. Wedding plans had become involved again as dates were discussed, arrangements were made and remade, and guests were spoken to at length. Worse, though, was that Zack had stopped calling as his squad entered the highly classified phase of the mission, and there was still no word on when he'd be coming home.

Something had come to a head, though, one particular day,  and the gloom of the house had become inescapable. Axel didn't know what was different about today, but the tension had spread to not just his mother; Ven had departed early in the day to spend the day and night at Terra's, Namine had retreated to her on-loan bedroom, and Roxas...

Who knew about Roxas. He hadn't seem him since yesterday, when they'd watched a couple more episodes. They weren't always chatty, but Roxas had been dead quiet the whole time, and walked off with his laptop kind of listlessly when it got late.

So, for the first time since summer vacation began, Axel determined that there was no point in hanging around the house. He wasn't in the mood to suffer through the discomfort.

He got dressed, grabbed his keys, and went downstairs. The car was unlocked by the click of a button, alerting the person sitting at the end of the driveway.

Roxas had been resting both feet on his skateboard, sitting on the curb and watching it slide an inch back and an inch forth with glazed eyes. He'd been resigned to just being there in a sullen daze when the sound of the car doors unlocking changed his mind.

Axel locked the front door to their house, then turned and raised an eyebrow. “... Hey.”

“You going somewhere...?” Roxas questioned.

“Was just gonna go for a drive.”

“I'm coming with you.” His presumptuous attitude about it came off as rather hollow and hard to read.

Suddenly, Axel was _very_ uncertain about his decision to go out. He didn't know what Roxas was asking or expecting. Still, he didn't want to go back inside, so he shrugged one shoulder and circled around to the driver's seat. “Cool. Get in.”

Picking up his skateboard, Roxas got into the passenger seat and kept the board between his legs, quietly drumming his fingers against it. Axel started the car and did up his seat belt.

“I didn't have anywhere in mind...”

“I don't care,” Roxas replied.

“... Okay.”

He'd just drive until Roxas said something.

That didn't happen, though. Roxas was silent, staring with an unbroken gaze out the window, not making any suggestions about when to turn or stop.

They came up to a red light, and Axel couldn't take the quiet anymore. “... So...”

Roxas snapped out of it, a little. “Yeah...?”

“What's with you?”

He considered not answering, trying to be annoyed with Axel for asking in such a way but not able to muster it. “Just had to get out of there...”

“The whole house is depressing today. Don't blame you,” Axel commented.

“... Yeah.” Roxas's gaze fell to his skateboard.

“Not sure if it's just Mom or what,” Axel went on. “Not that I blame her. I think she really just misses your dad.”

“Yeah,” Roxas repeated, and he felt like something had cut into his stomach. “She probably does.”

Axel's eyes flickered towards him, a little unnerved by his monotone. “... Uh, no word yet on when he's coming back, right?”

“No. Haven't heard anything.”

“Okay...”

Roxas wasn't about to say anymore unless he was pressed to, but the reminder of his father's recent silence brought back a near-sickening bitterness. His eyes narrowed, stinging.

Axel made a decision about where they were going.

They drove for a bit, Roxas barely seeing what was before his eyes all the while, until they parked in front of a strip mall.

“Chill here for a second,” Axel instructed, and got out of the car to head into the nearby convenience store. Roxas looked up, and for a moment, he had trouble processing the nondescript line of shops, as though they weren't real.

He pulled his legs up onto the seat. He didn't feel any better than he had at home, not that he'd expected to.

Axel wasn't gone for long. When he returned, it was with two ice cream bars in his hands.

“Take this,” he handed Roxas one as he opened the door.

“... Oh.” Roxas reached out a hand for it, hesitating for a few seconds before unwrapping the bar. He didn't have an appetite, but ice cream wasn't repulsive the way other food had been for the past couple of days, and the cold was sort of grounding.

Axel was quiet as he drove on aimlessly again, eating his ice cream carefully with one hand on the wheel. Roxas licked up drips with a focus that was almost obsessive, letting that occupy his mind completely.

Until Axel spoke again, unable to stand the heavy silence.

“I didn't fuck something up, did I?”

“... Huh?” Roxas uttered, uncomprehending.

Axel's eyes stayed on the road, trying to make his discomfort less obvious. “Everyone's in on something. Or, it feels that way. Even Ven was down, before he left, so... What the fuck is it?”

Roxas was briefly silent again. “... Oh.”

“What...?”

“Guess you don't know. Thought your mom would have said, but... maybe she forgot...”

Apprehension started to transform into irritation. “So I am out of the loop. Cool. What's going on?”

Roxas should have been able to just say it, but it felt somehow... wrong. “... Nothing's happened or anything. Nothing new.”

Not sure what that was supposed to mean, Axel's irritation covered a building layer of hurt, wondering if this secret was being kept from him for a reason. “That clears that right up.”

Distractedly, Roxas stared at this ice cream. He hadn't been as vigilant in licking up drips while he'd been talking, and a couple had slid down the stick and onto his hand. He was irrationally and disproportionately distressed by that, horrified to feel tears starting to form but _fixated_ on his now-ruined ice cream, which was continuing to drip down -

He pressed the button to lower the window and threw the remainder out the side, and got a split-second rush of relief for it.

Axel was effectively jolted out of his growing resentment. “... Are you okay?”

The momentary high was gone, and the urgent need to cry flooded back in with more force than before. . “... Sorry,” he mumbled, wiping his hand carelessly on his jeans.

“Rox, are you okay?”

He wished Axel would stop asking. His concern seemed to batter against Roxas's composure. “It,” he began, but heard his voice begin to break and shut his mouth.

Axel's anger dissolved. “... I'll find somewhere private to park. If you want. Not to-... I mean, obviously, not to _park_. Just, if you need a minute.”

Roxas just nodded. He was afraid of what would happen if he spoke.

Axel drove, and Roxas squeezed his biceps, trying to bring himself down. He clamped down even though it felt like he was forcing more pressure on his already-compressed rib cage, and it was hard to hear anything past the rushing in his ears.

They parked in a back lot, a vaguely familiar place if Roxas had cared to think about it. Axel kept the engine running.

“... Can I do anything?”

Roxas shook his head, trying to crush himself until he was small enough to disappear. His voice was steadier, but very quiet as he responded, “You can pretend you're not seeing this.”

“... Sure. If that'll actually help.”

“Nothing _helps_ ,” Roxas retorted, almost accusing.

“Seriously, is this something I did...?”

“Why the _fuck_ would I be here if this was about you?” Roxas snapped.

Axel snuffed his reflex to snap back. “... I just want to understand, Rox.”

He wrestled with himself. He wanted to just be angry at Axel, just for being the closest target. “... It has to be with you. Dad-... Dad didn't come back, and it's too hard with just Ven, and I can't talk to Namine right now, and your mom, I just-... I can't.”

“Can't... what?”

It was a struggle, trying to articulate what was wrong. He wasn't even sure what the gnawing feeling he'd been getting around Aerith was, and he didn't want to admit to himself how much it felt like hatred. “I can't be there. When she's there.”

Fuck, that didn't even make sense to himself.

“Be around who?” Axel asked, nonplussed. “... My mom?”

“Yeah...”

“Did she do something?” Axel was perplexed. He wasn't sure how Aerith could have offended Roxas... or how she could offend most people, for that matter.

“No. I don't know,” Roxas said quickly, starting to lose the little composure he'd regained as his insides twisted with guilt.

“Dude, if she did something, I could talk to her. If you're not comfortable doing it.”

Frustrated, Roxas shook his head. “She didn't do anything. Not one thing, anyway. Just. Everything. Making dinner and doing laundry and asking about school and checking in on me and talking about my dad...”

The more he listed, the more panicked he became. His nails were cutting into his arms.

Very suddenly, Axel understood. “... Your mom...?”

Roxas shook a little. His throat closed up at the mention of her.

This was the anniversary of the day she'd died.

“... I'm sorry.”

“I don't care if you're sorry or not,” Roxas bit out viciously. Not knowing what to say, Axel just looked away.

The flare of his temper deflated fast, anyway. Roxas's voice was thick. “He didn't come back. He didn't even call or _say_ anything... Like he just forgot.”

“... I don't think he's allowed to get in contact right now,” Axel muttered.

Roxas clearly didn't care to hear it. “So? He should have-... Should have done something.”

“Maybe he tried. Or he still will. I dunno... He can't have forgotten.”

Roxas shook his head and buried his face in his arms, not knowing why he was shutting the possibility down. Bitterness crawled up his throat again.

“... If you want to... go somewhere, or do something... I'd go with you. Or I could drive you and Namine somewhere, if you want her with you.”

“I don't want to talk to Namine,” Roxas said quietly. “She'll just explain why I feel like this and tell me it's okay.”

“Oh,” Axel replied dumbly.

“And I don't want to go anywhere,” Roxas concluded dully.

“Then we'll just chill here.”

Roxas exhaled. He was reluctantly starting to feel like there was too much distance between them. “... Can we move to the back?”

Axel had a few reasons as to why that was a bad idea, but nodded anyway. Roxas slowly uncurled, a little unsteady from all the tension draining his muscles of strength. The two of them left the front and piled into the back, and Axel tried not to overtly invite himself closer but made himself available if Roxas chose to move. As it was, Roxas just pulled his legs back up his chest, feeling cold and exposed when he tried to sit normally.

“... It's only been two years,” Roxas murmured.

Axel refrained from commenting.

“I want my dad to be happy, but I don't want this.”

“Well... yeah...” Axel agreed vaguely.

“I like your mom. But I don't want her to be my mom, I -”

To his horror, Roxas's voice broke over a sob. At that, Axel pulled Roxas against him impulsively, and the dam broke.

“I just want _my_ mom,” Roxas said feebly, and hated how childish it sounded. He hated that he was crying, now, and he hated that he didn't think he could stop.

Axel hugged him. “... Yeah, man, of course you do...”

Drawn to his warmth, things started spilling out with no filter. “I don't want a new family. Everything's different... The house and all the stuff in it and my camera and my skateboard... S'like I'm supposed to forget my life before even existed...”

“You shouldn't.” Axel corrected himself. “Won't-... You can't forget that stuff...”

“I hate it,” Roxas sniffled. “I hate this wedding, and that anyone's even _thinking_ about it today...”

“... Your dad's probably not.”

“He's not even here,” Roxas pointed out coldly. “Me and Ven-... What the fuck are we supposed to do?”

Shrugging a little, Axel held him tighter. “... I dunno.”

“Neither do I...” Trembling, Roxas buried his face completely, his breathing too fast and shallow.

“... If it were me-...” Axel stopped. “... It isn't me, I dunno what this is like. Fuck.”

Roxas just sank into him. At least he wasn't feeling any worse.

“... My mom's not replacing yours, though,” Axel muttered. “They're just getting married, it's not... The old family still exists, it's just different now.”

Roxas wanted to protest. “Can't they just... be married without making us all the same family?”

“I wish.”

Still sniffling, Roxas at least managed to breathe a little slower. “My life'd be half as fucked up as it is now...”

“That's a pretty significant decrease.”

“I could use a little less fucked up,” Roxas said, sounding tired.

“... Have you tried religion? They say that helps.”

Roxas snorted, which sounded pretty gross with his nose already running.

“Or yoga,” Axel continued. “There are a ton of bullshit things we could do to sort out your life.”

Roxas laughed weakly, voice muffled. “That's a terrible suggestion.”

They were quiet again as Roxas breathed deeper, remaining burrowed against Axel's chest, and Axel wondered if there was something more he should say. He knew he hadn't made anything better.

Axel wondered if it would be harder or easier to relate if it turned out his father was dead.

Though he was still aching, the outburst had eased some of the pressure in Roxas's chest. He pulled back and hastily rubbed his eyes. “Sorry, this is...”

“Don't be,” Axel replied immediately.

“S'pathetic...”

“That's probably the least pathetic thing to cry about ever.”

“I dunno why I made you the one I vent to...” Roxas didn't really want to pull away, but he figured he should. He slid out of Axel's arms.

Also not keen to let go, Axel let him anyway. “... Sorry about your ice cream, too.”

“That was my fault... I dunno why.”

“Shit happens. Bad day.”

“Still a waste of perfectly good ice cream...”

“Can get another, if you want,” Axel suggested.

“Not really in the mood now...”

“We'll call it an IOU.” Axel reached for the box of tissues to offer to him, which Roxas accepted.

“Thanks.” He took one and blew his nose, cleaning himself up quickly and not thinking about what they used to use that tissue box for.

Axel wasn't sure what to do or say, next, and Roxas picked up on that. “You don't have to-... You can do whatever. Or drop me off somewhere.”

“I'm not gonna _ditch_ you,” Axel frowned. “My jackassery only goes so far.”

Roxas shrugged. “You just don't have to make me feel better.”

“... Yeah, but that's what friends do, right?”

“Assuming we're friends...”

“We're kind of friends by now, I figured.”

“... I'd rather be friends than whatever the alternative is.”

Axel hesitated. “The hostile alternative, or the sexual alternative?”

“I think they're the same thing.”

His eyebrows raised, kind of disheartened. “Got it.”

“I mean – fuck...” Roxas sighed.

“It's cool, Roxas.”

“I dunno what it is.”

“This is probably the worst time ever to think about it, though,” Axel noted.

“Yeah. Probably.” Roxas slowly leaned back into the seat. “... I'm glad you're my friend right now.”

“I can be your friend on multiple occasions, if you want.”

Roxas managed a faint smile. “I'm serious... This could have sucked a lot more if we still hated each other... and I'd much rather be your friend than your brother.”

“ _Yeah_ ,” Axel agreed emphatically, “that... That's just never gonna work, with us.”

“Wish we didn't have to act like it after-... Well, whatever.”

“That's not in the rules,” Axel countered firmly. “All they care is that we're getting along.”

“It's _kind of_ in the rules.”

“As far as I see it, this is between my mom and Zack. We're just casualties.”

“This would be a lot less confusing if we didn't live under the same roof pretending we're family...” Roxas kicked a little at the front seat, rubbing his eyes again.

“I'm just gonna be my regular charming self and never treat you like family,” Axel decided. “I can manage with Ven, but that's just how how we are. They can't exactly force it.”

Roxas nodded, and very cautiously brought up, “What about the rest of it...? The sex stuff, I mean. I thought it'd be over by now, and it kind of is, but...”

The 'kind of' caught Axel's attention, blatantly surprised.

Catching himself, Roxas rephrased, “If it's nothing anymore, we can just drop it.”

“... So, to clarify: you want to start doing stuff again?” Axel asked cautiously.

Roxas reddened, face still blotchy from tears. “... Not if it's gonna be like it was before.”

“Yeah, that wasn't working.” In part because Axel had started sabotaging it. “I dunno. Depends on why you want to.”

“... I don't know,” Roxas hunched his shoulders. “If I knew how to stop being confused-... But I don't. I'm tired of it.”

Axel managed not to get frustrated. “What's even confusing about it?”

“It-...” Roxas was somewhat caught off-guard. “Just wanting to doesn't make sense...”

“It's not really that it doesn't make sense and is more the 'we shouldn't' factor, though. Right?”

Roxas squirmed. “... They go hand-in-hand, don't they?”

“I don't know. Not really, for me.”

“You're more used to wanting people you're not supposed to, I guess,” Roxas said quietly.

“Sad but true.” Axel sounded a lot more okay with that than he was.

After a moment, Roxas spoke again. “Sometimes, I mean, not often, but more lately...” he struggled to find a way to phrase his feelings that didn't sound so odd, and started again. “Sometimes I wonder what she would think... my mom.”

Axel cringed slightly. That, he could sort of relate to.

“That sounds bad-... I mean, if my mom were alive, the 'family' thing wouldn't be a factor.” Roxas braced his hands on his knees and squeezed.

“... Still. I get what you mean.”

“I dunno what my mom's opinions were about this stuff. Obviously she wasn't gonna bring it up to me 'til I was older...”

“So, no telling,” Axel inferred.

“Yeah, but... The whole thing that happened when my mom was in the hospital, and my uncle catching me. It's... hard to tell what he's thinking ever, but he kept it secret because he said he didn't want to make things harder for my parents. Sort of made it sound like I'd break my mom's heart or something... but I don't know if he meant it like that. I don't know if she really would have cared or not...”

Axel was familiar with Cloud – he'd been good friends with his mother for his entire life. He felt a niggling sense of resentment for him, which was new. “Maybe it was really _his_ problem.”

“Maybe,” Roxas shrugged, “but it was a weird time. Everything felt... breakable, back then.”

“... Yeah, guess I can see why...”

Roxas hugged his knees again.

At a loss, Axel spoke anyway, feeling like he needed to. “This is probably a fucked up thing to say, but... it you're gay, or not-straight, it's not like you can help it. So, it doesn't matter what she'd think of it. You're you, either way.”

Roxas almost flinched.

Cursing himself, Axel tried again, “I mean, beating yourself up over it won't change you. It's just gonna make you miserable.”

“You still seem pretty miserable,” Roxas pointed out.

“I'm not you.”

Quiet for a while longer, Roxas struggled to get the words out when he finally found it in him to speak. “... If I was just... kind of not-straight with you... do I have to know the rest yet?”

Axel had raised his eyebrows again, and shook his head slowly. “Just, when you put it like that, it sounds kind of like a dating thing.”

Roxas paled slightly. “Is it?”

“If you want to do 'not-straight' stuff, just with me...”

“Yeah, I-... I don't know, we're friends...”

“Can I get one thing straight? No pun intended, and no bullshit?” Axel asked.

“... What?”

“Are you attracted to me?”

Avoiding his gaze, Roxas reddened again. “... I think so. Don't really have anything to compare to...”

Axel nodded slowly. In all honesty... he was pretty much won over by that and that alone. “Okay... So... we can do stuff. Mutual stuff.”

“And that's alright with you? _Actually?_ ” Roxas clarified.

“This isn't just you experimenting anymore, or an easy orgasm... I get that.” Axel grinned a little. “And we're friends. Hot friends. So, it's alright with me.”

Roxas almost started to grin. “Probably shouldn't keep it up after they're married, still...”

As always, talk of their parents’ marriage now came with an unspoken ‘if’.

“Maybe we'll actually get it out of our systems if this is a _thing_ ,” Axel optimistically reckoned.

“Worth a try.”

“For now, wanna go do something?” Axel suggested. “Home's out of the question...”

“It'd probably be better than wallowing out here,” Roxas shrugged.

“We could go to a movie or something.”

“Anything good out?”

“Not a clue.”

“Then let's see a terrible movie.”

Axel snorted, starting for the passenger side door. “I like your way of thinking.”

Uncurling, Roxas started to get out to follow. He didn't feel better. He just couldn't feel better today, no matter what.

But he did feel... settled. More at peace. He and Axel, being an exclusive... whatever they were...

At least one thing felt okay.


	29. Chapter 29

_[Roxas. 2:39 PM] 'Hey'_

_[Roxas. 2:39 PM] 'you busy?'_

Roxas turned his phone over in his palm, waiting for a response. He hadn't left his bed all day, but his unwillingness to move had been overwhelmed and replaced by a different urge.

He'd been thinking about his conversation with Axel. The idea that they were together, in some manner or other. It was... less intimidating than it would've been, weeks or months ago, but they also hadn't _done_ anything together since that talk.

_[Axel. 2:41 PM] 'Nah. Just letting boredom melt my brain into goo.'_

_[Roxas. 2:41 PM] 'Drive?'_

_[Axel. 2:41 PM] 'Yeah'_

Roxas hadn't even had time to put his phone down before receiving a response. That was both typical and encouraging. With a bit of a grin, he got up to quickly change out of his pyjamas and was downstairs minutes after checking that the coast was clear.

“Hey,” Axel flashed him a grin when Roxas dropped his skateboard into the front seat and climbed in. He was playing around with the radio, changing the channel back to the station he liked; Ven had changed it the last time Axel had driven him to the dojo.

“Hey. Any idea where to?”

“No clue,” Axel shrugged. “We could go the horror movie route again.”

“Maybe we won't die it it's daytime,” Roxas mused, doing up his seat belt.

“No good movie kills the teens during the day. That a plan, then?”

“Sure. All we have to fear it nature walkers.”

“You jinxed it. Nature walkers will fuck you up.”

Roxas grinned. “My bad.”

Putting the car in reverse, Axel backed out onto the street. “It's up to you to defend me, now.”

“Hm. Nice knowing you.”

“Wow.”

“What? Look at me – I'm no match for nature walkers,” Roxas claimed.

“I assumed you had some sort of self-defense training.”

“Not unless you have a sword handy.”

“Fuck. I left it in my other car.”

Axel drove the route he'd mapped out last time, the two of them chatting all the while. There was a noticeable difference in the level of comfort between them; they weren't talking to fill silence, or with the intention of putting themselves at ease before fooling around. The time spent just binge watching TV like normal teenagers had culminated in an easy sort of rapport for the pair.

“Look for Bigfoot,” Axel instructed, parking in what he was pretty sure was the same clearing.

“Are we gonna take a blurry picture of him?”

“I was thinking for safety reasons, but that's a way better idea.”

“Thanks.” Roxas cleared his throat. “So, uh, back seat?”

“Probably shouldn't try the hood again. Pull your seat forward first...” Axel did the same with his own before getting out of the car. Roxas had to do a little more struggling with his seat before it slid all the way forward, startling himself in the process.

Axel unzipped his fly on the way into the back. Just to make things easier later, though he hoped that wouldn't come across as anything but preparedness. He didn't want to make things uncomfortable or tense for Roxas, this time.

“Should we break the ice first? It's been a while,” Axel proposed, shutting the back door once the two of them were in. “Could go with either dirty talk or sweet nothings.”

Roxas raised an eyebrow.

Keeping a straight face, Axel shifted closer. “Your eyes... are like the sky, only not even close to that shade.”

“Uh-huh.”

“Now you tell _me_ I'm pretty,” Axel prompted, leaning in and grazing his lips up Roxas's neck.

Tilting his head, Roxas muttered, “You'll be a lot _less_ pretty if you keep talking like that.”

“Whatever, you didn't even bring a sword.”

Roxas's laugh tapered to a quiet sound of approval as Axel lightly scraped his teeth over his skin, nerves feeling more sensitive after all this time. One of Axel's hands rested on Roxas's knee as he started to suck at that spot, and Roxas slid his hands up Axel's arms to hold onto him.

Things did feel a little too quiet when the only sound was Roxas's growing-quicker breathing, but it still wasn't nearly as awkward as it used to be. Axel nipped his earlobe before going for his lips, letting Roxas take the lead with the kiss. Roxas pushed nearly close enough to be in Axel's lap, sitting up for a higher angle and running his tongue over his lower lip. Axel made a sound, distinctly approval, and tried to encourage him with another when Roxas nibbled at that spot.

He wanted more sounds like that, but Roxas broke the kiss instead. Breath was briefly too complicated for Axel to figure out.

This was a _lot_ better when it felt like they both wanted this just as much.

“How are we gonna do this?” Roxas inquired.

“D'you actually want to try again? Like the whole blowjob thing...”

Roxas reddened. “I dunno. I could...”

Axel kissed him briefly. “I'm on board. And willing to teach by example.”

“By example, huh?”

“Exactly what it sounds like,” Axel purred. Roxas was immediately flustered.

“I, uh-...”

“Did I just move too fast?”

“No, I just... didn't think of that. 'Til just now.” Which was a shame, because that sounded like the best idea ever.

Both hands ran idly over Roxas's chest. “And?” Axel tested. “You want that, or should we stick to hands this time around?”

Roxas licked his lips. “I want to try. If it doesn't work, we can switch back.”

“Cool.” Axel leaned in to reclaim the kiss, tongue sweeping over Roxas's lower lip and sucking hard at it.

“ _Mngh_...” Roxas pressed the kiss deeper until it was broken, warmth stirring as Axel's mouth trailed lower. He was a little nervous as Axel's hands skimmed along the hem of his shirt, but it was making him more impatient than tentative. “You can take it off...”

“We need tear-away clothing,” Axel commented, starting to remove it. Roxas almost snorted.

“We can look into it... later.”

“Definitely.” Axel ditched his own shirt after Roxas's.

Unsure of what to do now, Roxas awkwardly repositioned his legs to flank Axel as the other moved onto the floor.

“Was better with the seats moved. We're idiots,” Axel remarked, beginning to work on removing Roxas's pants.

“Yeah, kind of,” Roxas watched his progress. “But idiots who can learn.”

Before prompting him to lift his hips, Axel kissed Roxas's stomach. He breathed in sharply and fought down a laugh, surprised by the little jolt of ticklishness. With a smirk, Axel coaxed his hips up and removed Roxas's pants enough to give himself room.

“Alright?” he checked in.

Roxas had missed this too much to back out. “Yeah, fine.”

“Cool...”

With a shiver, Roxas melted into the seat as Axel gave the head a slow lick, running a hand over his cock to work him to hardness. Biting into his lip, Roxas let himself watch.

As much as Axel didn't want to talk too much and freak him out, he'd never been so good at keeping quiet either. “This'd be fucking amazing on a bed. I picture you twisting up the sheets 'cause you need to grip onto something...” he trailed kisses up the shaft, hand following, and heat momentarily drowned out all of Roxas's other senses.

Moaning, he groped at the back of Axel's head and wound his fingers through his hair. Axel purred.

“But _that's_ good, I'm all for it...”

Roxas closed his eyes, and his imagination decided to run with the image of Axel on a bed under him. His hips arched up automatically, twisting his grip in response to Axel parting his lips over the tip and teasing the slit with his tongue.

“ _Mn_...” Slowly, Axel descended on him and sucked. Roxas moaned louder.

“Ah, fuck...”

He was having trouble keeping his hips and legs still. Eyes closing tighter, Roxas tilted his head back against the seat and basked in all the feeling. Axel's hands were moving along his legs, and he drew off him in a long, slow movement.

“Paying attention...?”

“What...?” Roxas sounded almost dreamy.

“Supposed to be learning,” Axel reminded him, hand wrapping around the base again and flicking his tongue over the frenulum.

“Mmn... Yeah...” Sitting up, Roxas ran appreciative hands through his hair and let himself get caught up watching. Axel took him into his mouth again, falling into a rhythm easily, and Roxas had to force himself to breathe slowly just to keep breathing at all. He was getting close, between feeling and seeing...

His hands tightened in his hair and pulled, not quite directing him. “Axel...”

“Mmn...?” Eyes opening, Axel glanced up. The sight sent blinding heat through Roxas and settled between his legs, and he was barely able to get words out.

“ _Close_...”

Reluctant as he was to pull back, Axel kept his mouth at the tip. “D'you wanna...?”

“Wanna...” Roxas twitched, breathless. “What?”

“Wanna come yet?” He stroked him, very slow.

Roxas couldn't understand why he'd ask, as though the answer would be no. “Mn, yeah...”

Containing a smirk, Axel swallowed him to the base again and hummed, and that was all Roxas could take.

“ _Ah_...”

He didn't hear himself, vision seeming to white out, and he wasn't able to push any deeper into Axel's mouth but he was certainly trying. His hips stuttered through his orgasm, through Axel held him as still as he was strong enough to.

Hazy eyes started to open again as Roxas relaxed back into the seat, in time to see Axel absently wipe his mouth. He pried his hands out of Axel's hair carefully, looking down at him as he got back onto the seat beside him.

“Fuck yeah, that's better...” Axel stretched out a bit. “Definitely easier with the seats pulled all the way...”

“That's good.” Roxas still sounded a little out of it. Smirking, Axel leaned in and nuzzled his jaw.

“You good?”

Roxas leaned into the contact. “Yeah... in a second...”

“Mm.” Axel kissed a spot he'd just nipped, and Roxas ran a hand over his thigh. The tingling his orgasm had left behind made him that much more eager to keep touching, and Axel seemed to approve. His head bowed a little to bite and kiss his collarbone, hand sliding up to drift aimlessly over his chest.

Humming softly, Roxas hesitated very briefly before feeling between Axel's legs, wondering how hard he was. If he hadn't been so relaxed, he might've pulled back immediately upon finding him both hard and his fly unzipped, but instead he palmed at him more firmly.

“ _Ngh_.” Axel's legs shifted apart.

Encouraged, Roxas gradually started to move, keeping pressure on as much as he could while he turned towards Axel and tugged at his jeans. They were promptly discarded, and Roxas stroked his palm up Axel's cock through his boxers.

He just needed another moment to get up the nerve. Axel's purr of approval helped the process along.

Divesting him of the last of his clothes, Roxas started stroking him, brain still too dampened by pleasure to panic. “Hey, uh, how should I do this?”

“Mm... Are you up to trying?” Axel leaned forward to nip his jaw again. “I keep fantasizing about your mouth, y'know... Getting you to deepthroat me. Not that I expect you to do that,” he added hastily.

The idea of it – or maybe Axel's tone – made Roxas groan and warmth stir again, mixing with the buzz of nerves. “I can try...”

“Cool. Awesome.” Axel lacked any better words, anticipation building rapidly.

“Guess I should, uh...” Sliding backwards, Roxas lowered himself onto the floor of the car.

“If you cramp up, just stop,” Axel advised, running a hand reflexively through Roxas's hair. The touch was kind of comforting, and Roxas positioned himself to nudge Axel's legs farther apart.

“Nice view,” Axel commented.

Roxas reddened. “Could you, uh, move a bit closer?”

“Yeah...” Shifting, Axel did his best to move without shoving his erection at him.

“Thanks,” Roxas muttered, wrapping a hand around the base to stroke him until his confidence built up.

“Nn, my pleasure.”

“S'the point.” Gradually leaning closer, Roxas worked his lips up to the head and tried to mimic the way Axel had teased with his tongue. The reflexive twitch of Axel's hips made him draw back a little, movement making him hesitate, but Axel was gracious enough to get that under control quickly.

Parting his lips was the thing that he was actually struggling to work up the nerve to. He kind of had a fear that Axel would just take over moving, and Roxas wouldn't be able to say when it was uncomfortable or if he had to stop...

But, again, he was being good about keeping still, now. Axel was also letting himself be vocal, guessing that stifling his noises might make Roxas think he was doing it wrong.

The sounds were encouraging, so now... How had Axel done it...? Mostly, Roxas just remembered the _feeling_ of his mouth, not the intricacies of how his mouth had moved.

Slowly, he took the head into his mouth and swirled his tongue around it. He wasn't thrown off by the taste of him, this time.

“Mn, like that is good...” Already, actually, he was doing better than last time. Axel thought it might be a bit tactless to say so aloud, and kept that to himself.

While he figured out his next step, Roxas stuck with teasing the crown until he needed to pull back to adjust his jaw, lips still against the tip. It seemed obvious, but once again, Roxas needed a moment to be at peace with what he was about to do.

He started to swallow him deeper, and Axel groaned quietly. Their eyes met briefly, and he gave Roxas a smirk through uneven breath.

Roxas reddened and quickly glanced down again. He was aware of what the view was probably like, and didn't want to think about it lest he get too flustered to function. He distracted himself by sucking gently and shifting on his knees, experimenting with this. His hands splayed over Axel's hips and his fingertips dug in slightly. “Mm...”

“That's,” Axel inhaled sharply. He was already getting off on watching Roxas figure this out, on the fact that he _wanted_ to do this, but stimulation was a fantastic additional benefit. “Fuck. Yeah...”

With a hot jolt, Roxas realized that he was actually making Axel feel good like this. He liked that knowledge. He hummed again, since he'd seemed to like that, and was rewarded with a moan.

This... really wasn't that complicated, actually. Breathing was a little difficult, but other than that...

Roxas slowly moved his head, trying to mimic the way Axel had done it to him.

“You're learning fast, that feels good...” Axel's voice was a little rougher kept low, a hand running through Roxas's hair.

Warmth ran down Roxas's spine and a rather abrupt thought popped into his head: he wanted Axel to talk like that some more. Something about the rumbling quality to his voice was really, _really_ nice. He was out of breath, though, and he pulled back to rest his lips against the head.

“Right, fuck, breathe,” Axel grinned lazily. “You're good.”

Catching his breath, Roxas licked his reddened lips and brushed the slit in the process, and got the idea from there. He tried lapping at the head, chancing another look up as he dragged his tongue.

Axel's lips were apart, blissful little sounds leaving him with every exhale, and his gaze was intent. Arousal started to stir again and Roxas wasn't sure _what_ to make of that.

“Feels good, looks better... You're sexy, y'know...”

“'F you say so,” Roxas murmured, confidence admittedly a little bolstered.

“Ngh, I'm an authority on this shit.”

More relaxed but still flushed, Roxas tilted his head forward to start sucking again, deciding to take him as deep as he comfortably could.

Axel moan was low, but louder. “Oh, fuck.”

Startled, Axel's voice went straight between Roxas's legs and made him moan softly in return. He dragged his tongue along the shaft with every move back, drawing up until he'd almost taken his mouth away before descending on him again.

The image of Roxas like this was probably going to be permanently imprinted on Axel's brain, something that made him an extremely lucky guy. He was feeling everything acutely, one hand sliding up to his own hair just for something to hold onto, his breathing audibly uneven.

Roxas was unexpectedly hot, a little drugged on the power he had here, and didn't realize how tight his hold on Axel's hip had become. The added sting was what did it.

“ _Rox_... Pull back, gonna-...”

Jolted, Roxas moved back sharply and started to climb up onto the seat again. Immediately, Axel stroked himself that last little bit over the edge, swearing breathlessly, and Roxas glanced over in time to watch.

With a slight stab of fear, he noticed he was half-hard again. Roxas hadn't even known he could recover that fast.

Sinking back, Axel sounded both satisfied and impressed, catching his breath. “That was good...”

The part of him that wasn't trying to suppress panic was a tiny bit pleased with himself. “Uh...”

“Can you pass me tissues?”

“Right, yeah,” Roxas hastily leaned forward for them, and hissed.

“Shit, you okay?” Axel sat up a little.

“Fine,” he claimed immediately, reddening. “Legs are sore, it's fine...”

Axel accepted the tissue box and started to clean off his hands, letting Roxas avoid his eyes but looking down for somewhere else to look. He paused for a fraction of a second upon glimpsing Roxas's half-hard cock, watching him gather his clothes.

He decided not to comment. “Wanna do something?”

“Like what?” Roxas kept his eyes on the ground, picking up his shirt.

“Drive-thru?”

“Sure...” Roxas began to wrestle the article over his head.

“Wait, that means putting pants back on,” Axel lamented, starting to redress anyway with a long-suffering sigh.

“If I ever hear about a pants-free drive-thru, you'll be the first to know.”

“Question is,” Axel started wrestling with his jeans, “does 'no shirt, no shoes, no service' count in your own car?”

“Maybe not, but I wouldn't risk the hot food anyway.” Roxas tried not to cringe as he did up his pants.

“... Are you sure you're okay?”

“... I'm a little freaked out, but not as bad as I could be.”

“Would it help if I pointed out that not once were we harassed by Bigfoot?”

Roxas paused, looking for a second like he might groan but winding up laughing quietly instead. “Maybe he just watched.”

“Fuckin' perv. Think there's more than one Bigfoot? Like we just got 'im in the mood to go reproduce and create a legion?” Axel was muffled as he put his shirt back on. Roxas zipped his jeans and went for the car door.

“I really _don't_ want to think about it.”

“I do, if this winds up destroying humanity.” Axel followed suit out of the car, and Roxas rolled his eyes. “Be skeptical if you want, you'll feel like an idiot when Bigfeet trample our house.”

They climbed back into the front seats, and Roxas struggled to move his seat back up. Axel did not, instead staring ahead.

“Bigfoots? … Big _foot_...”

“Don't tell me you – agh – haven't done your research.”

“I never research,” Axel declared, moving his chair forward at last. “How dare you imply I'm a nerd.”

“So sorry.”

“No, that was the last straw. Get out and walk.” Axel started the car and did up his seat belt.

“Now you're throwing me to Bigfoot?”

“You put that on yourself. I'm not sure what I'll tell your dad...” Axel began to reverse out and drive back through the makeshift dirt road.

“Shame you already started driving.”

“Damn it. Tuck and roll.”

“Nah.”

“Shit,” Axel sighed. “Foiled. Don't get smug, next time, I'm ditching you.”

Roxas couldn't resist a little grin. “I'll keep that in mind.”

“Good. Remind me if I forget.”

“I will definitely do that.”

 

* * *

 

The only reason they decided on the place they did was for their ice cream sundaes. Laden with both fudge and caramel, Axel accepted the two ice cream cups and paid at the window, handing one to Roxas and crawling the car along at a snail's pace while he unwrapped his plastic spoon.

It was a series of coincidences that had brought them to that specific drive-thru at that specific time, and another coincidence that Roxas happened to look out the window.

“Hold up -”

“Huh?” Almost reflexively, Axel braked. It was extremely fortunate that they weren't obstructing parking traffic.

“Look,” Roxas pointed. Sitting by the window was a very familiar face, accompanied by an older teen; Ven and Terra, leaning over the table to be closer to each other while they chatted animatedly, only pausing to enjoy their meals. Specifically, when Ven occasionally picked up a fry to offer it to Terra, who'd eat the proffered french fry.

Axel stared, watching Ven lick salt off his fingers with a broad smile and almost literal stars in his eyes. “Oh my god, they're on a date. I'm parking.”

“We're gonna spy on them?”

“Abso-fucking-lutely.”

“Cool. Find a spot with a good view.”

Terra had just taken one of Ven's hands affectionately, and Ven had a visible blush on his face.

“Holy shit, I think they're gonna kiss.” Axel turned the car into a parking spot.

“Wait, actually?” Roxas lowered his sundae.

“I _think_.”

Terra leaned in a little closer, saying something else... and then offering Ven a fry. Ven happily closed his mouth around it, and Terra did _something_ that might have been kissing his hand.

“Fuck, what was that?” Roxas craned to get a better look.

“Didn't see. Looked gay.”

When Terra did it again, though, it was a lot more obvious.

“That was a hand kiss,” Axel announced.

“That's more forward than I thought they were,” Roxas raised his eyebrows. “Damn.”

“Wait, so you think Ven's aware they're dating?”

“I dunno. Always thought he'd be more freaked when he figured it out.”

“Hm. Maybe it's 'friendly hand-holding',” Axel suggested, making air quotes.

Both Terra and Ven were casting quick self-conscious looks around the restaurant as Ven timidly looked down at their joined hands, saying something, and Terra leaned forward looking very much like he was about to kiss him.

Ven, however, was the one who sealed the distance. Axel whistled loudly.

“Holy shit, he actually went for it,” Roxas stared.

Axel made a triumphant sound. “No denying it now. I knew it.”

“Least _they_ know it now.” Roxas was getting over his surprise; it wasn't like this was news to him. He'd guessed it ages ago.

“Unless they think it's 'friendly kissing'.”

Terra had parted from the kiss with an affection-laden, teasing grin, offering Ven another fry. The grin on Ven's face threatened to crack from being so wide, and he accepted it.

“Don't think Terra does 'friendly kissing',” Roxas countered, still staring.

“You're right. They're probably betrothed.”

Roxas watched Terra kiss his brother's cheek. “... Ugh, this is starting to feel weird to watch.”

“Let's move on before this gets gayer...” Axel flipped his indicator before reversing.

“Think it's too late for that.”

“I literally had a dick in my mouth a half hour ago and that was still gayer than anything I've ever seen,” Axel concluded, grabbing his ice cream to take a bite as he left the parking spot. Roxas fought to contain his blush.

“Agreed.”

“... We probably shouldn't let Ven know that we saw 'im.”

“Probably not. Does he know you're...?”

“Never came up in conversation,” Axel denied. “So, only if he's observant.”

“So, he doesn't know, in other words.”

“Not a clue.”

Roxas hesitated. “He might be freaking out, then.”

“... I'll talk to him. Should be me, I have years of gay experience. Unless you want to?”

Roxas really didn't want to. “I'll... talk to him if he asks me,” he decided, quickly putting ice cream in his mouth.

“Maybe you're better suited to it, all things considered.”

“Maybe,” Roxas shrugged. “Dunno if he's thinking the same kind of thing as me, though...”

“Why, what're you thinking?” Axel asked before he thought it through.

Roxas glanced at him and put a spoonful of caramel sauce in his mouth, eyebrows raised.

“... Other than the pseudo-incest, okay, I realize now it's different.”

He made an acknowledging sound around his spoon.

“I'll tell him I saw him and Terra making goo-goo eyes,” Axel decided. “Maybe I'll even get a pin or something. 'It's okay to be gay.'”

“Use the phrasing 'goo-goo eyes'.”

“Of course. How else would I put it.”

Next time he drove him to sword practice, Axel resolved, and he'd be sure to volunteer soon.


	30. Chapter 30

Opportunities to talk to Ven managed to be both plentiful and scarce at the same time. For the most part, he spent a lot of time out of the house to be with his friends, which made it hard to track him down. It would have been frustrating, except Axel really couldn't blame him for wanting to be elsewhere. If he could have, he would've avoided being home, too.

Aerith was miserable. Without regular calls from Zack, she was in a constant state of worry about the happenings overseas and was on a vigilant lookout for news. Her days were occupied by work, which seemed to make her feel guilty about leaving her teenage sons-and-stepsons-to-be (and Namine) at home by themselves. Money was tighter, due to the presence of a fourth child. She was stuck re-planning a wedding all by herself, as her maid of honor lived on the islands and was in no better of a state; Tifa, while not married to Cloud, was so close to him that they'd had a son together. As long as he was missing, Tifa was just as worried as Aerith was, and all her self-control was put towards keeping herself from going to look for Cloud on her own.

It was hard to see Aerith like this, and harder knowing that there was nothing anyone could do. Namine had simply advised the others to make as little trouble as possible and help around the house wherever they could, and keep complaints to a minimum.

When Ven _was_ around, he and Namine were both contenders for 'most helpful'. He was cheerful, which seemed to improve Aerith's mood by proxy, and the first one on his feet to help with the dishes after meals. Axel could've talked to him when the two of them were washing and drying, but having the conversation in the house felt a little too public.

As he'd predicted, the chance came about when Ven needed a drive to practice, and Axel insisted on being the one to do it. Two birds, one stone – his mother had some time at home to (hopefully) relax, and he'd have Ven alone.

The difficult part now was finding a way to bring it up. Axel didn't want to do it in a way that'd upset Ven; he was fond of the kid.

Ven was chatting animatedly about his progress in kendo – and, more importantly, Terra and Aqua's praise of his progress – and barely gave Axel room to get a word in edgewise. There wasn't a whole lot of driving left to do before they'd arrive at the dojo, so the pressure was on.

The only way to do it was to cut Ven off, which Axel did at the next mention of Terra's name.

“Hey, yeah, about him.”

Not expecting to be interrupted, Ven's monologue came to an abrupt halt with a blink of surprise. “... Yeah?”

Alright. So, now, how to phrase it delicately...

“You're dating him, right?”

What Axel lacked in tact, Ven also lacked in subtlety. It was a lucky thing Ven had no aspirations of acting, because by the look on his face, he'd been caught. Still, Ven laughed and said, “What? No. We're best friends...”

“It's okay if you are,” Axel glanced at him. “I wouldn't tell anyone.”

Ven had started to turn pink. “Did Roxas say something?”

“No...” Axel debated what reason he had for suspecting, and decided a partial truth was best. “I saw you kissing him a couple days ago.”

Ven fell silent, anxiety knotting his stomach all at once. “Oh. That was, um...”

“It's cool, Ven. I know how to keep this stuff under wraps. Been doing it my whole life.”

“'Stuff'?” Ven echoed. “D'you mean you're...?”

“A flaming homosexual? _Yeah_.” Holy shit, so he really hadn't known. Speaking of which, he hastily added, “Mom doesn't know, don't tell her.”

For Ven, a few things made a lot more sense now, but thankfully nothing that might've involved his twin brother. “Oh, right, of course I won't.”

“So,” Axel glanced at him again quickly, “if you want to talk about it... or, you know, anything.”

With a rush of gratitude, Ven started, “I-... well. We're not _officially_ dating right now, I think...”

“Yeah? Why not? He was looking at you like he was the most in love person, ever.”

Ven reddened. “Well, it would be hard for us...”

“Neither of you are out, huh.”

He nodded. “And he's so much older than me, plus with the way we were with Master Eraqus, he's been like my big brother since I can remember...”

It was so tempting to laugh. Axel bit the inside of his cheek. “Ah.”

“If _anyone_ found out-... I mean, Aqua knows, but that's because she guessed.”

“... Well, nothing wrong with keeping it under wraps. Just 'cause some people wouldn't understand and make it complicated doesn't make it any less real,” Axel declared.

Ven practically lit up. “You think so?”

“'Course. You like him, he obviously likes you – that's all you need.” _Lucky fucker_ , a bitter part of Axel whispered, but that was waved away within seconds.

“Oh,” Ven settled back, a little validated. “Does anyone else know?”

Axel made a snap decision. “Dunno. No one was with me. Roxas's might've guessed.”

“Roxas is always saying stuff like that. You're not gonna tell him, are you?”

“Hey, your secret to tell. I won't say a word.” It wasn't technically a lie.

Ven exhaled in relief. “Okay. Thanks.”

“And if you're ever confused or anything... I have tons of experience being a secret gay. I'm practically an expert.”

“I totally didn't know,” Ven confessed. “The way Mom talks about you...”

“I _know_ ,” Axel groaned. “I promise her I won't get anyone pregnant, and does she trust me? No.”

“Well, at least you won't?”

Axel snorted. “Yeah, it won't be a problem. Maybe she'd even take my coming out well, if I put the right spin on it. Your dad seems pretty chill about this stuff, though...”

Ven nodded. “I think he is. The way he talks about his military stuff sometimes is – uh, never mind.”

Axel laughed, mentally adding another check to his 'proof of bisexuality' tally. “And he likes Terra. Once you're legal, he might not have a problem with it.”

“That's what I'm hoping,” Ven agreed quietly. Axel grinned, and envy was eclipsed by sympathy.

“If you're thinking ahead that far, that's awesome. If nothing else, even if he's not thrilled about it, I think Zack'll respect it.”

It was a little ironic, now that he thought about it. Axel had lived his entire life without his father, but if he'd had a choice, he would've preferred Zack. He was sure Zack would defend his preferences; he just seemed like that kind of guy, even if he didn't actually understand. And then Axel had gone and fucked it up by wanting to screw around with Zack's son.

Ven was smiling like a weight had been taken off his shoulders. “So... what about you?”

“Hn?” Axel willingly left his train of thought.

“Are you dating anyone? You know, _secretly?_ ”

Axel almost choked, and cleared his throat. “Sort of – no. Not exactly. I mean... Just no.”

Raising an eyebrow, Ven grinned and said, “ _Okay_...” with a tone that clearly implied he didn't believe Axel.

“It's... complicated,” Axel coughed. “But it's definitely not dating.”

“Well, if you wanna talk about it...”

“Nothing worth talking about,” Axel insisted. “All my gay trysts have been _just_ trysts. Sex and... that's it.”

“Oh,” Ven went red. “Me and Terra haven't done that!”

“Yeah? Don't know how, or are you waiting?”

“I know how!”

“Wouldn't blame you if you didn't, not like they teach this shit,” Axel pointed out.

“I'm just not ready to yet,” Ven confessed. “We haven't really talked about it, but Terra won't even kiss me much, so...”

“You probably should, dude. Especially if you want him to kiss you more often or anything. He's the older one, he probably thinks he's corrupting you or forcing you or something, _especially_ if neither of you are really out...”

Axel was maybe projecting, a little.

“Oh, no. He _did_ say something like that...”

“Yeah?”

Ven was starting to sound distressed. “But I don't think that!”

“I'm guessing you've told him so.”

“Yeah. Well, sort of.”

“'Sort of'?”

“Like I said, we haven't really brought it up that much,” Ven muttered lamely.

“You should,” Axel shrugged. “Or, if he won't kiss you, kiss him first.”

A small grin played on Ven's lips. “I can do that.”

“Do it enough, and eventually he'll get the picture,” Axel assured him, pulling up in front of the dojo. It kind of warmed his heart to see Ven smiling openly, now. “Mom'll probably assume she's picking you up after, so just text if you're getting a ride or something.”

“Cool,” Ven said brightly. “Thanks, Axel!”

“No problem,” Axel leaned back a little. “Enjoy your sword-swinging.”

“I will!” Ven grabbed his bag from the back, waving on his way up to the building. Axel lingered, watching Ven break into a run the moment he saw Terra by the door, and Terra catch him in a one-armed hug the moment he was close enough.

They looked comfortable. They looked pretty much in love.

Out of nowhere, Axel kind of wished he was. In love.

Then he remembered that if he was going to be in love with anyone, it'd be with Roxas, which was a recipe for utter disaster. He _liked_ Roxas, and now that he'd stopped sabotaging himself, that was... basically a good thing. Being in _love_ with him -

That would just... ruin everything.

 

* * *

 

When two artists had a lot of time and were in consistent proximity to one another, it became an inevitability that the two of them would find something to collaborate on. In Namine's loaned bedroom, Roxas had spread out an array of printed photographs on the floor for Namine to sketch out into fantastical interpretations. They were going to merge them in photoshop, which meant Roxas had some messing around to do with the program, figuring out the ways he wanted to blend the drawn elements with the real.

“It's going to take me ages to get the level of detail I want,” Namine lamented, though she was just as excited by the prospect as she was preemptively frustrated. “I hope that's not going to be a problem.”

“It's not like this is for school,” Roxas dismissed, eyes still on his laptop screen. “We don't have a deadline.”

“Still, I don't want this to take _all_ summer. You probably have other things to do, right?”

“Not really,” he replied dully. “My plans are to survive until the wedding.”

Namine hesitated. “... You sound even less excited than usual.”

“It's just that it's dragging out so long now,” Roxas sighed. He couldn't even work up excitement over the idea of his dad coming home – there was no set date, no word as to whether or not it would be in time for the current date set, no way of knowing when he'd be home and how much time there'd be between his arrival and the wedding...

“How does that affect you, though?” Namine inquired, adopting a careful tone. “Axel?”

Roxas hesitated a bit too long. It was already nigh-impossible to get something past Namine, and his pause told her an entire story in barely a breath.

“You're still fooling around, then,” she surmised. Roxas reddened, and wished he could muster surprise that she'd figured it out.

“It's not 'still'. It stopped and then it kind of started again...”

“That isn't really any better or worse, is it?”

Roxas looked defeated. “Do you have to put it like that?”

Namine set down her pencil. “It's okay. Like I've told you, I don't really think it's wrong.”

“I know _you_ don't. You're the only one who doesn't.”

“Only one?” she echoed. “Does that include you and Axel?”

“If one of my friends was screwing their stepbrother, I wouldn't be so cool about it,” Roxas replied, starting to lower his voice with every word. He didn't think Aerith could overhear them – he was almost certain she was downstairs preparing dinner – and Axel had taken Ven out to his practice.

“Why not?”

Roxas raised an eyebrow at her in disbelief. “It's still incest... sort of.”

“But you still aren't related, and you really can't help who you like,” Namine countered.

“You can help who you have sex with, though.”

“You know,” Namine said wonderingly, “not very long ago, you just would have told me you don't 'like him'.”

Roxas stammered briefly. “I was trying to make a _point_.”

“So was I. Do you like Axel?”

If Roxas could have evaded any question, he would have chosen that one. “... He's not as bad as I thought. Sure. We're friends.”

“But is it anything other than just friendship...?” Namine coaxed.

“Friends with benefits...?”

Namine sighed, and changed the subject, but not really. “Do you have, um... I mean, when you two have sex. What do you do?”

Roxas could have gaped at her. “Are you actually asking me that?”

“Well, I kind of... worry.”

He'd gone red, and tried to keep himself from stuttering. “Worry about the kind of sex I'm having?”

“Yes,” she answered, not nearly so embarrassed. “There isn't as much information on how two people with, um, matching parts have sex safely.”

Roxas's volume accidentally went up a decibel. “We're not doing anything like -”

“Involving penetration?” Namine sounded way too innocent considering the words she'd just said. Roxas attempted to vanish into the floor, or oblivion.

“ _Yes_.”

“Do you think you ever will?”

“No,” Roxas replied immediately, a little pale.

“I don't only mean, um.” _Now_ , Namine started to flush pink. “You wouldn't, to him?”

“God, Namine, I don't know!”

“I just think... It would be better to _know_ , just in case. Even people in common heterosexual relationships should really know...”

“I don't think I could...” Roxas swallowed. The thought alone made something in his chest feel like it was being squeezed.

“Then that's okay,” Namine nodded a little, sheepish.

“Anyway,” Roxas exhaled, “it's not that much longer.”

“... What do you expect to happen after the wedding?”

It wasn't the first time the thought had popped into Roxas's head, but he'd never let himself think about it for long. “... I guess we'll try to keep being friends, but not hang out as much. And Axel's gonna go to college and probably get a boyfriend or something.”

Namine nodded a little. “How would you feel if he does?”

“... It'd be better for everyone.”

“That isn't what I asked.”

“That _is_ how I'd feel,” Roxas retorted, a little confusedly.

“That's what you'd think. There's a difference,” said Namine.

“Come on, Nam,” Roxas groaned. “What do you want me to say?”

She shook her head. “... What you're doing... It won't stop, after the wedding. You'll both find reasons to make allowances, somewhere down the line.”

“We _can't_.” Roxas was a bit dumbstruck, trying to tell himself she was wrong.

But Namine was hardly ever wrong.

“But you will,” Namine sighed. “What I know about Axel is that he doesn't let anything get in the way of what he wants, even when he _should_ , and you... You'd rather hate yourself for doing things later if it means you feel a little less empty now.”

Roxas stared at her. “... We could stop. We've only gone on one drive since we started this up again.”

“Are you planning to again?”

“I guess... I mean, probably.”

Namine gave him a look of faint exasperation.

“Fine, sure, we're going to do it again,” Roxas confessed stubbornly.

“Roxas... You either need to reach some sort of closure between the two of you, or accept that this is going to continue past the wedding. And, if that's the case... Seeing Axel go off to college and date some other man is going to hurt you.”

Roxas swallowed. If he thought about Axel dating someone else, right now... He'd feel...

“... How do you get 'closure' about _this?_ ”

“I don't know,” Namine sighed, brushing hair out of her face. “It depends on what you really are to each other.”

“Like I said, we're friends,” Roxas said hesitantly.

“If you're friends with benefits, and you really believe this isn't right, why did you start fooling around again?”

Roxas balked helplessly. “... It's not technically incest 'til they're married?”

“Roxas,” Namine sounded suddenly stern. “If you were caught now, who would be in more trouble?”

His throat suddenly tightened. Axel was eighteen, he was a minor. He hadn’t thought much beyond the family connection, but now that he did, that was obvious fact.

“Regardless of whether or not you've thought about that, you've known this whole time that getting caught would be a huge risk to you both. If it just meant sex, you would've stopped for good after the initial – for lack of another term – break up. The risk wouldn't be worth it, anymore.”

“... What are you saying, then?” Roxas asked, despite really not wanting to.

Namine gazed down at the array of photographs Roxas had put out, and wrung her hands. “I'm saying... If you like Axel, and you want to continue, I think you should be serious about it. If you're really friends with benefits and that's all there is to your relationship, you should talk to him about how to end it, then _actually_ end it.”

God, he didn't want to imagine how well _that_ conversation was going to go. “I'll try.”

A bit rushed, Namine added, “And if you do decide to have penetrative sex, do a lot of research first.”

“Oh my god, Namine.”

She was blushing but folding her arms. “I don't want you to do anything impulsive and get hurt.”

“Do you actually think I'd make a snap decision to do _that?_ ”

“If you felt cornered, maybe...”

“Cornered?” Roxas repeated.

“Like you have to do something drastic instead of talking to Axel and figuring out what you should do, together.”

Roxas blushed and tried to hide his face behind his laptop monitor. “I'm not gonna do that. I don't see how that's supposed to feel good, anyway.”

“It's mostly about the prostate, I think. Some people can orgasm just from prostate stimulation.” Despite not stumbling over a single word, Namine's cheeks had flamed.

“... That was kind of supposed to be rhetorical,” Roxas said weakly. “Where do you _get_ all this?”

“I research things!”

Roxas lifted his eyebrows at her. “Is this the kind of 'research' you told me to do?”

“No – I... Um, I started looking things up when I was fostered and I couldn't really understand what Axel was getting out of his, um, arrangement with Marluxia. Well – not just Axel, I mean, but...”

Roxas fell silent.

“... Sorry,” Namine fidgeted, picking up her pencil again.

“No, don't be sorry. I get it.” Roxas swallowed, and bitterly noted that it wouldn't be that hard to cope with Axel having a college boyfriend in comparison to seeing him with _Marluxia_. “Anyway...”

“Right, um, anyway... I think I've decided on a motif, but it might be hard to work in some of the beach photographs...”

“Yeah, sure – we don't have to use all of them...”

They kept discussing their collaboration, but Namine's mind was occupied.

She'd never had a one-on-one conversation with Axel about this... and it was probably time to rectify that.


	31. Chapter 31

Being alone in Axel's room with no one else in the house was not a common occurrence. Namine had that vaguely knowing look on her face when she'd departed for the movies with Aerith and Ven, the three of them going out to see the third installment of a film series that neither Axel or Roxas had any interest in (to much shock and dismay).

Whatever Namine had been worried about, though, had not come to pass. They were continuing their TV show marathon, lying on Axel's bed in varying degrees of growing restlessness. Roxas's brain was starting to feel a bit fried – probably not helped by the fact that he'd seen the whole series before – and Axel, while still interested, could feel the buzz under his skin that meant he was going a little stir-crazy.

His attention was grabbed when Roxas stretched and rubbed his glazed eyes, and Axel lowered the lighter he'd been occupying his hands with.

“Hey, if you're zoning out, we can do something else,” Axel proposed, reaching over to pause the media player.

“Hm. It's good and all, but I don't think I can take any more right now.”

“I know what you mean.” Axel absently let the lighter drop, watching Roxas turn over onto his other side. His face was practically against Axel's hip.

“So, now what?”

“Don't know. It's hard to think when you're down there.”

Rolling his eyes, Roxas pushed himself upright.

Axel continued to look blank. “... Nope. Still no ideas.”

“Your mom said they wouldn't be back 'til late,” Roxas shrugged. “We've got the whole house to ourselves.”

“Yeah, okay, this is only reinforcing the one sexy idea I _do_ have.”

Roxas hesitated. “D'you want to...?”

“Do _you?_ ” Axel raised an eyebrow. “Thought you only wanted to in the car...”

“I want to where we won't get _caught_. There's a difference.”

Axel started to grin. “... Alright, c'mere.”

Roxas might've commented on how easy that was to convince him, but Axel had already shifted closer and drawn him into a kiss. Having a _bed_ opened up a few exciting opportunities, and they were both kind of eager to explore each other with the comfort of a mattress supporting them. Roxas stretched out as he directed them downwards, just to appreciate the leg room.

After the barest curious attempt to see if Roxas would let Axel pin him – he didn't, but only because he didn't understand what Axel was trying to do – Axel tried out the reverse, having fantasized about both positions equally. He accidentally broke the kiss when he went to his back, pulling Roxas with him. It looked smoother than it was, when Roxas straddled him; he'd actually been trying to keep his balance.

“Alright, I like this view,” Axel purred.

Roxas fought down embarrassment in order to respond. “Doesn't look bad from here, either...”

“We need access to a bed more often,” Axel decided, running a hand up Roxas's back and kissing him again with more heat. Roxas immediately deepened it, not lingering on that thought when he had better things to do. After a second of encouragement, Roxas settled his weight on Axel's hips and cupped his jaw, then the back of his neck.

This felt less taboo when they weren't in the backseat of a car, more like it was supposed to. Not, of course, that Roxas had any idea what messing around was 'supposed to' be like, but... they had room for Axel to arch and grind against him, and with a throaty moan, Roxas rocked down with him.

It amounted to feeling good, so he wasn't going to think about it.

Axel started to slide his shirt up, blunt nails dragging over Roxas's back and teeth gently catching his lower lip. Roxas shivered and parted his lips a bit more, the slight sting heightening everything.

“Ah...”

Just enjoying all the freedom he had to touch, Axel's hands roamed without thought or direction as he murmured, “What d'you think, shirts off?”

“Yeah, uh... Should probably be quick, just in case.” It may have felt less taboo, but that didn't mean it _was._ Roxas didn't think anyone would be coming home soon, but for his peace of mind...

“Good point.” Axel prompted them up to strip off his own shirt, dropping it by the laptop. Roxas wrestled his shirt over his head and was immediately treated to Axel's mouth as he dragged it over his chest. Interested, he tried to put himself in a better position to let that happen.

Biting down gently, Axel lingered at spots he thought Roxas might be sensitive, making his arms tremble as he slipped back against the mattress. Their positions had reversed, Axel climbing over him to trail his mouth down lower and palm between his legs.

Back against the bed, Roxas pushed up against his hand with a faint hum. He was halfway hard when Axel paused in his ministrations, and Roxas tilted his head up with a curious, “Hmn?”

“What d'you think? Could suck you off real quick?” Axel suggested.

“Uh, is that good for you?”

“I can get off on that _no_ problem. If you wanna do something for me, though, I won't complain.”

“Mn...” Roxas was thinking it over. “Both're good... I don't know.”

“I'm having a hard time thinking of anything that isn't getting my lips around the base of your dick, so I kinda need you to be the idea guy.”

Roxas brought his hand up to his forehead. “How am I supposed to think when you talk like that?”

“C'mon, we're trying to make this a quickie. Brainstorm.” Axel was being supremely unhelpful by resuming trailing kisses over his chest.

“Mm... Then we should do something at the same time.”

“Hands?” Axel said between kisses. Roxas tilted his head back.

“Sure... That's good.”

“Gonna have to occupy my mouth some other way...” Shifting up to his knees, Axel moved over him and nipped Roxas's earlobe while he sought out the lube in his bedside drawer. Moaning quietly, Roxas parted his legs around Axel without thinking.

They briefly wrestled with their pants, getting waistbands down around their thighs before Axel slicked his hand and passed the bottle to Roxas. His tongue toyed with the shell of his ear, making Roxas fumble with the lube.

“C'mon,” Axel coaxed, wrapping his hand around Roxas's cock to stroke him slowly. His responding groan with one of irritation.

“Give me a sec,” Roxas told him, squeezing the bottle and tossing it aside when he was done with it. He worked around Axel's arm to get a hand between his legs, fingers wrapping around the base.

“You good?” Axel hadn't forgotten that Roxas had done this before, but he still wanted to make sure.

“Yeah, m'fine.”

“Cool,” Axel exhaled. “Good...”

His hand slid down and lightly squeezed the base, and Roxas automatically copied the touch.

“ _Nn_.”

As he teased the head, Axel kissed Roxas again firmly, and it was eagerly returned. Their hands moved at no particular pace or rhythm, getting distracted by the slide of tongues and press of lips, only to divert attention from the kiss with a purposeful brush of a thumb or a gentle squeeze.

Roxas broke the kiss to press his lips to Axel's jaw and throat. “Hmn...”

“Bed... is _so_ much better,” Axel muttered, head tilting appreciatively. Roxas made a muffled sound of agreement against his skin before sucking hard, and Axel's hand twisted around his cock. “ _Ngh_...”

“ _Mm_.” Experimentally, Roxas bit down, and was pleased with the moan he got. Axel's hips reflexively twitched like he was trying to buck into Roxas's hand, and he gave Axel's cock a light squeeze in response. He _really_ liked that reaction.

“Fucking-... yes,” Axel cursed under his breath, stroking Roxas faster.

Abruptly, Roxas's free hand grabbed Axel's hip and pulled him closer, like he was trying to grind against him. Axel practically purred again, mouth seeking anywhere.

“You're so hot when you're bold.” His other hand ran up into Roxas's hair. “Mm... I think about you like this all the time, you know... Think about how bad I want to make you shiver and what it's like when you glare at me because I'm teasing you and you want me...”

Movements stuttering, Roxas arched and bucked into his hand. His eyes opened halfway to look at him, flushed.

“Fuck, and when you're like _that_...” Axel bit back a groan. “I wanna make you feel so good, Roxas, if you were ever cool with it I'd fuck you until you were screaming and coming harder than you ever have...”

Axel's pace picked up as he talked, his filter breaking down completely, but Roxas loved the sound of his voice too much to be freaked out by the words. He was writhing under him, now, one leg winding behind Axel's in an attempt to get even closer.

Their control slipped, their hands fell away, and they were just rutting against each other, panting.

“Or, fuck, if I could just ride you... Wouldn't have to do anything but try to last as long as you could, I'd fuck myself and if you thought my mouth was good, you have no idea...”

Shuddering, Roxas's voice became a wanton whine. “Axel -”

“Ngh, Roxas-...”

Roxas bit down at his collar, so close to orgasm, guessing that Axel was, too -

And then Axel jerked back. The distinct sound of the front door being shut was like a jarring splash of cold water.

“Wait,” he hissed. Roxas had almost groaned, tempted to hit Axel for stopping, but paused and listened hard instead. He hadn't picked up on the sound of the door.

The footsteps, though. He heard those.

“Mom.” In cold panic, Axel wrenched himself back and grabbed his shirt.

“Shit -” Roxas felt like his breath had frozen into a block of ice in his lungs. He scrambled for whatever clothing was in reach, struggling to get his jeans back over his hips and then to zip them up. Axel hit the laptop accidentally in his attempt to restart the episode, trying to give them a cover story.

Aerith walked up the stairs to Axel's room, approaching the closed door and knocking. Axel gave Roxas a quick glance before calling out, “Yeah?”

Roxas hastily tugged the covers up to his waist. His pants weren't providing adequate cover.

Opening the door to poke her head in, Aerith appeared both surprised and a little pleased to see them both, apparently, hanging out with absolutely nothing shady going on between them. “Oh, good. You're here too, Roxas.”

Axel sat leaning forward with his legs folded under him, letting his pyjama pants conceal his hard-on to the best of their ability. “Just watching shi – stuff. Movie over already?”

His brain was still on sex. He'd almost slipped up and soiled his good name by swearing in front of his mom.

Aerith gave him a _look_ , letting him know she'd noticed the quick save, but eased up after a second. “It was shorter than the first two – they're releasing a fourth movie to wrap everything up. In any case, we were all thinking about going out to dinner and wondered if you boys would come, too. It'd save you the trouble of finding something around the house.”

Roxas glanced quickly at Axel, mind too occupied with the pounding of his heart and ache between his legs. “Uh...”

“Sure, I just need a second to put on real pants.” Axel cursed himself immediately for not declining, but he couldn't think of a reason to justify turning down food.

“Alright, but don't take too long. Ven and Namine are waiting in the car,” Aerith said.

“Cool. Be right out.” Axel leaned farther forward to pause the show.

“Oh, and remember to brush your hair, both of you,” Aerith instructed before she backed out of the room, considerately closing the door after her.

The moment she was gone, Roxas dropped his head forward onto the bed. Axel audibly deflated, an extended curse of, “Fu-u-u-uck,” on his breath.

“Can't believe this,” Roxas mumbled.

“I'm still -”

“Yeah. Me too,” Roxas groaned quietly.

“... You should get out while I put on jeans,” Axel said apologetically, still hushed. “Might be weird otherwise.”

“Yeah, okay.” Roxas sat up and winced. “Trying to finish as fast as possible isn't really an option, is it?”

“Fuck, I wish, I was so close...”

“Same.” Roxas got to his feet and quickly ran a hand through his hair. “Ugh, wish I could shower at least...”

“You should definitely fix your hair,” Axel advised, going to dig his black jeans out of the pile at the bottom of his closet.

“It's bad, huh?”

“My fault.”

All Roxas could do was hope that Aerith wasn't right outside the door to see the bulge in his jeans, but thankfully, she'd gone back downstairs. The two of them hastened to calm themselves with only marginal success – in Roxas's case, he had to change to looser jeans for comfort's sake – and met Aerith by the front door, both of them keeping uncomfortably silent. Assuming they were both simply moody as usual, Aerith didn't ask questions.

“Shotgun,” was the first thing Axel said upon spotting the free passenger seat.

“Whatever.” Privately, Roxas was relieved, having been trying to telepathically urge Axel to take the front seat. It'd be easier to get his dick to chill out if he wasn't in immediate view.

Namine unbuckled herself and scooted over to the middle seat, glancing at Roxas as he climbed into the seat next to her. On her other side, Ven cheerfully greeted them, normally sunny disposition in even brighter force as of late. He'd been more obviously fond of Axel since they'd talked on the way to practice.

“'Sup,” Axel greeted in return, buckling himself into the car. Small talk was good; very distracting. “How was the movie?”

“Great! Ended way too soon, though.”

“Yes, I thought the ending seemed rather abrupt,” Aerith agreed, starting the car. “I suppose there was no better cliffhanger...”

Axel didn't even hear their responses. He was vividly picturing Roxas spread out on his bed. “Cool...”

Silent, Namine kept her sidelong gaze on Roxas, who determinedly ignored her. He stared out the window and rested his head on the cool glass, forcing his focus.

Ven talked at length about the movie for the entire drive, with Namine chiming in sporadically to give context to some of the events Ven mentioned. Axel made the occasional noise to show he was listening, while not actually listening at all. Roxas didn't even pretend, his brain having decided to replay everything Axel said over and over, even adding some creative options of his own.

“Oh, good. It doesn't look too busy,” Aerith observed, finding a place to park. She'd taken them to the same restaurant they'd all gone to first meet, which did not escape Axel's notice. Still, he didn't undo his seat belt for a long moment, as he was thinking about whether or not he could steal Roxas from dinner long enough to jack themselves off in the bathroom.

Ven and Namine had piled out of the car already when Aerith gave Axel a nudge. “Wake up, boys.”

Roxas snapped out of a fantasy of Axel whispering some _very_ dirty things in his ear and almost sprang out of the car.

“Huh – out of it,” Axel shook his head, getting out of the car in what he hoped was a casual manner.

Namine observed the two of them as they put about three feet of distance between them, and gave Roxas another meaningful look. With a writhing gnaw of guilt, Roxas avoided her gaze. No one else had noticed where Namine's attentions were, at least; if Namine was anything, is was discreet.

They sat down at a table meant to host six, Axel sitting in one corner and Roxas taking the opposite. Aerith settled in across from Axel and opened her menu.

“So, what did you two do with your day?”

Axel's mind abruptly went blank. “Uh-... TV.”

“Oh, what were you watching?”

“I bet it was that show that Roxas likes,” Ven cut in.

“Yeah. We're up to the third season,” Axel confirmed.

“Uh, yeah, finally caught up to the episode you saw before,” Roxas added, sure that Ven would find a way to poke fun of him if he didn't make some effort to include himself in the conversation.

“It's good, I'm liking it.” Axel wasn't able to think of anything more intelligent to say on the subject.

“That's really good to hear. I'm glad you two finally have something to connect over,” Aerith said, pleased. Roxas became very interested in his menu.

Ven laughed. “I kinda thought you two would be fighting forever.”

“Nah, I get along with everyone,” Axel claimed. Roxas stared even harder at his menu.

“So, Roxas.” Aerith turned to him, changing the subject. “Getting out with your camera again now that it's summer?”

Unknowingly, Axel and Roxas both immediately thought of _that_ time at Marluxia's house. Roxas struggled not to blush. “Uh, sort of. Not as much as I should.”

“You did take some nice ones while we were at the beach,” Namine spoke up, trying to help steer the conversation. “And some for our project together, but I haven’t seen you taking pictures since.”

“That's a shame. I hope you're planning to take lots of pictures during the wedding,” Aerith smiled slightly, cautious in her attempts to bond with Zack's broodier son.

“Oh. Yeah. I won't miss a thing.” Especially since taking pictures would mean Roxas wouldn't have to sit around talking to relatives.

“Of course, I expect you to be _in_ some pictures as well.”

“You could just photoshop Ven in twice. No one would know.”

Axel snorted, only paying just enough attention to find that funny. Mostly, he was thinking about the flowery gazebo and what could have happened if he was there with Roxas instead, holding his wrists up against it and grinding a leg between his until Roxas was begging for it...

“Aw, that's not funny, Rox,” Ven nudged him, and Roxas almost leapt away from the touch. He'd made the mistake of looking at Axel when he'd laughed.

“The way you dad talked about your photography, it seemed like you were planning to make a career out of it,” Aerith said.

Roxas shrugged. “I dunno yet.”

“Well, you've still got time.” Aerith glanced at Axel. “Which reminds me, there's still so much we have to do to get you ready for September, honey.”

That effectively put a damper on his libido... but only kind of. “It's still early, we don't have to think about school yet.”

“I don't want you rushing last minute. You still have to choose your courses, and we have to make a decision about whether or not you're going to commute from home or live on-campus... Anyway, after the wedding, the summer will be flying by before you know it.”

“Is there another date set, for sure?” Ven inquired.

“Well, we had to pick one to book the venue... I had a letter from Zack, and he's ninety percent sure he'll be back by then. There wasn't much else he could tell me, but that's still excellent news.”

The absolute last thing Roxas wanted them to talk about was the wedding, but that conversation didn't appear to have an end in sight now that it'd started. Even when their server came for the orders, the discussion continued, and he felt his mood progressively spiral down.

Just as awkward, Axel got up once they'd all placed their food orders. “Be right back, washroom...”

Roxas, who'd just been about to announce the same thing, wondered if it'd be weird to do so. Then he decided he didn't care, as long as it got him away from this conversation. “Uh, yeah. Gonna... wash my hands.”

The two of them left the table, going to the men's washroom at different unhurried paces. It was mercifully empty, and their eyes met once they were both inside.

“... So, how're _you_ holdin' up?” Axel laughed uncomfortably.

“Ugh.” Roxas leaned against the sink. “Do they _have_ to talk about the wedding?”

“I wish they wouldn't. This is awkward enough.”

“No kidding.” Roxas tilted forward until his head pressed against the mirror.

“I also can't _not_ think about sex while they're talking about _that_ , so that's an extra layer of fucked up.”

Roxas reddened. “You, too?”

“Fuck,” Axel sighed. “ _Yes_.”

“... Well, fuck.”

“... So, uh... Drive, later?” Axel suggested with a lot less enthusiasm than he normally would've had, starting to wash his hands.

“You mean like, tomorrow?”

“Or like at midnight once everyone else is asleep. I don't care.”

“What if they notice?” Strangely, Roxas only felt like he was asking because he was supposed to.

“I'll come up with something. You in?”

Sounding miserable, Roxas agreed, “Yeah, sure.”

Axel started to wash his face, next, splashing water over his eyes and staring at himself in the mirror briefly, heaving a sigh. Roxas followed suit, wondering how bad it would be if he just... didn't go back. Hid out here and wallowed until they were done.

“I'm heading back, I guess,” Axel proclaimed, drying himself off with a paper towel. When there was no immediate response, he turned to go.

Impulsively, Roxas wanted to call out to him. If he didn't go back – Well, who said he had to be alone, if he didn't go back?

But he didn't. Axel went to rejoin the table, and Roxas lingered, dousing his face once more.

This was the first he'd even heard about Zack possibly coming back. As much as he loved his father, and missed him... this situation had almost started to feel normal. Just... having Axel, without the wedding hanging over them like a guillotine.

He just wanted things to be normal. He just wanted to _be_ normal.


	32. Chapter 32

Namine had waited specifically for a time she knew Roxas would be out of the house, before going to talk to Axel. When she'd proposed they discuss Roxas, he point-blank refused to do it in the house, and so the two of them had gone for a walk. Initially, Axel had suggested they drive for privacy, but Namine felt _weird_ about that, knowing what she did.

Coming back, Axel was more visibly subdued than perhaps he'd ever been, his hands in his pockets and back hunched as they turned the corner back onto their street.

As it so happened, Roxas had arrived home only moments before the two of them, having been hanging out with Hayner for only a short time today. Bending over to untie his shoes, Roxas froze upon hearing muffled conversation on the other side of the front door and the jangling of keys.

“ - probably should've ages ago.”

“I don't know about that... I don't think it would have made your dynamic now any easier. It wouldn't have made _you_ happier,” Namine replied.

“Who says that's mutually exclusive?”

Namine gave Axel a look.

“Don't say it,” he sighed, and opened the door.

He and Roxas stared at each other.

“... Oh, hey,” Axel said, looking a little caught. “I'll be upstairs.”

“... Okay,” Roxas replied cautiously, getting out of the way as Axel kicked off his shoes and went on ahead. Namine followed Axel through the front door, an accusatory look on her face.

“You didn't talk to him,” she whispered, crossing her arms.

“What? There wasn't a good time,” Roxas defended, shrinking.

“Did you at least think about what you want?”

“I want... whatever makes my life less messed up,” Roxas muttered.

Namine smiled sadly. “That isn't really an option. _Talk_ to him.”

Roxas could have groaned, and loudly, but he didn't want someone else to hear him. “Can you at least tell me what you said to him?”

“I wouldn't tell Axel what I talk about with you,” she pointed out. “I'm not going to tell you what we talked about either. Now, good luck.”

She was pushing him out of the doorway with words alone. Sullen, he mumbled, “Thanks,” and proceeded after Axel upstairs.

He wondered if he could get away with going into Axel's room and avoiding this discussion, but he didn't know what kind of mood Axel was in now. Maybe he _wanted_ to have 'the conversation'. Even if he didn't, though, and they just hung out for a bit, Namine would _somehow_ know...

Roxas's stomach sank with dread.

The door to Axel's room was open, so he went to lean against the door frame. There was a lingering smoky smell and an open window, two obvious signs of how Axel had taken the edge of his anxiety following whatever he and Namine had talked about. The scrap of paper was still burning at the bottom of Axel's trash can.

“Uh, hey,” Axel greeted again when he sat up on his bed. He'd been just about to go and talk to Roxas, but was kind of not-surprised to see him right there.

“Hey,” Roxas swallowed. “So, Namine talked to you, I guess...”

“Yeah,” Axel sighed. “We gotta talk.”

“Famous last words.”

“This doesn't have to suck. In theory.”

Roxas came into the room reluctantly and shut the door behind him. “So.”

Unceremoniously, Axel crashed backwards on his bed again. “So, Namine thinks we should elope.”

“Is that what she said...?”

“I may be taking some liberties,” he confessed.

Roxas leaned into the wall rather than come any closer. “She thinks we should keep going, though.”

Axel ruffled his own hair. “Okay, not exactly – she thinks... We should talk about what we want. What I want from you. Vice versa. If we're stopping this... How.”

“Okay... you first,” Roxas decided.

“Fuck that,” Axel seemed vaguely indignant. “You're less gay, you've got more factors to work with.”

“This isn't _about_ that.”

“I guess not,” Axel shrugged one shoulder, looking at the ceiling. “... You want to end this, right?”

“We have to. Don't we?”

Axel visibly hesitated.

“That was what made this _okay_ , that we had a date it definitely had to end,” Roxas plowed on.

“So, if we stop... Are we stopping _now_ , or when they get married?”

Roxas balked. “Now?”

“... Okay.”

“Whoa, wait – That wasn't an answer,” Roxas hastily corrected.

Privately, Axel was relieved. “It wasn't?”

“ _No_ , it was just... stopping out of nowhere would be kind of weird.”

“Well...” Axel started slowly. “If we did stop, I was thinking we could at least go out with a bang. Sorry about the pun. I'd get us a motel room or something, and we'd just... get the last of it out of our systems. Screw until we pass out. Then it's back to real life.”

“... That sounds good,” Roxas nodded. “Closure and everything.”

“So, question is, when do we stop.” Axel was so not enthused by the idea, but he wasn't denying that it absolutely had to end. He _wanted_ it to end, even, or... he didn't want to keep going once their parents were married.

“Things'll probably be too busy just before the wedding,” Roxas pondered. “So, earlier than that, I guess.”

“Yeah...” Axel glanced away. “... If we're stopping, it should probably be sooner instead of later. So that we don't keep putting it off...”

“If it's too soon, what's gonna stop us from finding excuses when we're alone?” Roxas argued, remembering what Namine had (accurately) said.

“... Got a point there, too.”

“... A week before,” Roxas suggested. “Does that sound good? That way we'll know if my dad will even be home for the wedding.”

“Week before. Yeah... Sounds good,” Axel nodded. He was lying; it didn't sound good. He wished he didn't feel like he was losing out, making this agreement, but... They just _had_ to.

“Then, after that...”

“Then we become your orthodox roommates with married parents.”

Roxas managed a slight laugh. “Are we still gonna be friends? Still gonna do... mostly the same stuff?”

“'Course,” Axel replied instantly. “Just without sex.”

That was a relief. There was only one other thing Roxas thought needed to be said, to make sure this ended without anything being weird between them. “And, uh, it's okay, you know, if you go out and get together with some guy at school.”

Axel was unreservedly surprised. “Huh-?”

“I mean, after this is done. Obviously, you're free to-... You don't have to worry about me,” Roxas explained. “That's all.”

“... Uh. Right,” Axel was still taken aback. “Yeah, I mean. I didn't think it would. If you wanted to date...”

“I figured.”

“Right,” Axel said again, and stared at the ceiling hard. He kind of hated himself for being disappointed.

“... Good.” Roxas stared past Axel and out the open window.

“I'm staying local, you know – not sure if I ever told you. Money was a factor.”

“Are you staying here?”

“Mom wants me to. I kinda want to rent somewhere, if I can't get a dorm room.”

“Yeah,” Roxas said quickly. “That'd be good.”

Axel smirked dryly. “Be easier on you if I was out of the house?”

“Wouldn't it be easier for you, too?”

“Everything would be easier.”

Roxas grew quieter. “Oh. Yeah. Less sneaking around, I guess.”

“I could apply eyeliner _before_ leaving the house,” Axel joked, as though that was what they were sneaking around about. Roxas's responding smile was a bit hollow. “... So. That seems settled, right?”

“Seems like it...”

It didn't feel remotely like it was settled. “Good, then.”

“So, uh...” Roxas swallowed, lips strangely dry. “The motel room thing...”

Axel managed to smirk. “Yeah, we should figure that out.”

Roxas reddened. “You thinking of anything in particular?”

“Motel movies... Load up on snacks... Then ignore the movies while we get each other off, snacks while we recover, then go again and again and again until we eventually pass the fuck out.” Axel grew serious. “But you should call the shots on the physical, because there's nothin' I wouldn't do to you. Your comfort level sets the pace.”

Roxas got stuck on that. “Wait, _nothing?_ ”

Axel grinned. “I probably have some limits. Haven't thought of them yet, though.”

His blush was getting darker by the minute. “Uh-huh...”

“That okay?”

“That you want to? Yeah, it's fine...”

“So yeah. Think about it. What you're okay with.” Axel thought for a second. “I mean, we can try stuff _before_ then, too.”

“Speaking of the elephant in the room...” Roxas mumbled.

Axel raised an eyebrow.

“Sex,” Roxas sighed. “Like, all the way kind of.”

He tried to play off his surprise. “Interested?”

“I don't know,” Roxas said, sinking into the wall. “It used to freak me out too much to even think about...”

“But now you're thinking about it,” Axel surmised.

“Well, everyone keeps _talking_ about it,” Roxas practically snapped.

“Uh. Everyone?”

“Everyone being you and Namine.”

Axel's face went stony as he tensed. “Shit. I wasn't trying to pressure you.”

Sighing, Roxas came forward to fall back on the bed with him. “I don't know if I'm pressured. I don't know _what_ I am.”

There were a few moments of uncomfortable silence as Roxas closed his eyes and thought, Axel unsure of what to say that wouldn't come off wrong.

“... There's already a lot to regret about... what we do. If you think you'd regret, you know. Full-on fucking. Don't do it.”

“... What if I regret _not_ doing it?” Roxas asked quietly.

Honestly, Axel hadn't thought of that, whereas Roxas couldn't _stop_ thinking about it. He didn't know whether or not he actually would, but he was at least _curious_... and he hadn't forgotten how blissful Axel had sounded when he'd fingered himself.

“... I dunno if what I want to say will come off like pressuring,” Axel said slowly.

Roxas shook his head. “Just say it.”

“... We're only gonna have a short span of time we can fuck in. If we don't before the wedding, we never will.”

“Yeah...” Exhaling, Roxas rolled onto his side, and didn't sound like he was joking when he asked, “How bad could it go?”

“I've done this before. If neither of us knew what we were doing, yeah, it could be bad,” Axel replied.

“Okay, but that doesn't answer the question.”

Axel took a breath. “I could hurt you. You could hurt me. Rips can happen... Could hurt bad enough that you don't even get off for all the trouble and you have issues sitting for days.”

Roxas appeared to take that information pretty well.

“... But I've done this before,” Axel went on. “I know how prep works...”

“So that _probably_ wouldn't happen...?”

“Most likely.”

Roxas's voice was a bit smaller, feeling stupid for asking, “And it _actually_ feels good?”

“When you do it right, it feels so fucking good,” Axel answered, trying not to be too emphatic. “If you trust anything I say, just... believe me, I wouldn't have ever said anything about it if I'd just end up hurting you.”

“... Yeah, I know that.”

“I'd only ever want you to enjoy stuff. Even if you said you want to, you could change your mind anytime.”

That reassurance made him feel a bit better. “I definitely wouldn't trust anyone other than you,” Roxas mumbled.

Axel tried to fix the serious mood. “That works well, 'cause I _am_ kind of awesome at it.”

Roxas gave him a flat look.

“Charmed yet?”

Groaning, Roxas rolled over to sit up. “Would it be totally stupid to think maybe I could try, and then back out completely when the time comes?”

“Fuck no.” Axel glanced away, tone forced casual. “I kinda wanted to do that, first time I...”

“But you didn't...?”

“Didn't want to look like a fucking idiot, so I didn't say anything. Not like I regret it, but it was still... It's not stupid to have to back out,” Axel concluded.

“Might be prying, but... when was that?”

“About... three years ago, I think?”

Roxas's eyebrows raised. “Longer than I thought...”

Axel just snorted. He just barely resisted commenting that he'd been Roxas's age, realizing how _old_ that made him sound.

Speaking slowly, as if working out his thoughts as he went, Roxas said, “I think... maybe we can try _some_ stuff leading up to it.”

“Yeah. Sure, just let me know beforehand. I'll make sure we have enough prep stuff.” Honestly, Axel kind of doubted he'd stick with that decision, which accounted for the reaction, or lack of. Roxas had somehow expected more surprise, maybe even his usual smirking lust.

“'Least then I'll have some idea...”

“Yeah,” Axel agreed.

Roxas cleared his throat and sat up. “Anyway...”

“Right, so...”

“I should probably...” Roxas pointed vaguely towards the door, tone careful. “'Less you have a better idea...”

Almost grinning, Axel leaned in and lightly tugged him closer by the front of his shirt and kissed him soundly. He stamped down the annoying part of him that reminded him this was temporary, and Roxas slid his hands up to the back of Axel's neck. He liked the idea of Axel pulling away even less than usual, and it was to both of their benefit when they wound up dragging themselves down to the mattress. The kiss only broke so that Roxas could wriggle closer.

“How close do you wanna get?” Axel murmured.

“I dunno,” Roxas answered, a fragment of desperation making his heart beat a bit faster. “This is good?”

“Yeah, it's good...” Axel pressed his lips against Roxas's again. He parted his lips on contact, wanting more of Axel's warmth and meeting his tongue with his own. One of Axel's legs slid between Roxas's and tangled there, but it wasn't really in a sexual way.

The mood didn't shift to one, either. They were just enjoying this, reciprocating touches with the occasional shiver or sigh. The kiss broke again occasionally for their mouths to roam, teasing each other's throat or jaw or ear, but inevitably they found each other's lips again until the languid kisses had lulled them into a comfortable haze.

Axel's hand ran through Roxas's hair, stroking lazily. “Did you know you're gorgeous?”

Face taking on a bright pink color, Roxas tilted it closer to bury against Axel's chest. He was drawn in closer and held, which only worsened the blush, but he liked this position too much to pull away for the sake of his pride.

Just to fill the silence, Axel started to mumbled theories about the show they'd been watching, accepting the occasional correction from Roxas (who knew the trivia inside and out) by making them even wilder. They didn't think about sex, or the end of whatever their relationship was.

They were just together, for the moment.


	33. Chapter 33

It wasn't difficult to convince Namine or Ven to get out of the house. All it took were a couple of hints, a suggestion that the cafe might be nicer to draw in than the living room, an idle thought that Terra and Aqua could probably use help at the dojo, and they were off. Aerith, of course, was back at work with a reinvigorated attitude.

The point was, it was easier than ever to find time alone. Namine had been easy to convince (though she probably knew exactly why she was vacating the house) and Ven was down the driveway in no time. By the time he was definitely gone, Axel had pulled Roxas to the bed and over his hips.

They were getting a lot better at this. Axel had already started this with a lot more experience, but all the practice he was putting in with Roxas had made them naturals with each other above all else. Their lips slid and caught on the places they'd learned to like best, the ones that made Roxas gasp and Axel shudder, and there was an equal amount of give and take when they kissed each other deeply. The gentle pressure of Axel pulling him closer stirred warmth between Roxas's legs, sending a suggestion to his cock to get interested, and Axel was already buzzing a bit from rocking their hips together.

Wanting to touch him everywhere, Axel sought to remove some of their clothing and practically threw Roxas's shirt across the room before discarding his own the same way. They only broke their kisses long enough to get rid of the shirts, and then they were attached by the mouth again. Axel's hands went up Roxas's arms, shoulders, back, chest, and the eagerness was starting to wind Roxas.

It was fervent and good and familiar, except it was running the risk of leaving the 'familiar' part behind as Axel's hand kneaded Roxas's ass.

Roxas hesitated, though it was just for a fraction of a second. There was no pressure to do... the thing, this time around. It was just a wandering hand, which he had to admit _did_ feel nice. Forced back to calm, Roxas pushed into the kiss and rocked his hips with more purpose, able to feel Axel's reaction to the heat.

Half-hard, Axel broke the kiss to take in a breath, and smirked. “Still good...?”

He may not have been as aroused as Axel evidently was, but Roxas was still on his way there. “Yeah... good,” he reassured him, hands running down from Axel's shoulders to his chest. Axel nipped his lower lip.

“If you lie back, I can make it better.”

“Sure.” Roxas's cheeks colored and he pulled his leg off to move to one side. Axel descended over him and started to mouth down his chest, periodically sucking sharply. Arching against his mouth, Roxas let his hands fall uselessly to his sides while he tried to figure out what to do with them.

Tongue circling a mark he just left, Axel slid a hand down between his legs to palm him. Roxas's legs started to part around him.

“Ah-h...”

Axel's teeth scraped a little, then he went to start removing Roxas's pants. Roxas twitched, but settled to make undressing him easier. As they were pushed aside, Axel wasted no time in kissing the tip and licking up his cock from the base to the crown, and Roxas sat up on his elbows to get a good look. One of his hands brushed Axel's hair back and came to rest on the back of his neck.

The blissful contact with his arousal didn't last, though. Axel started to stroke him instead as he trailed little kisses along Roxas's thighs, sucking way too gently, and Roxas got the distinct sense that he was teasing.

“Axel,” he sighed impatiently.

He felt Axel smirk against his thigh. Roxas tightened his grip on his roots.

“Ngh...” Returning to his cock, Axel murmured against it. “Playing dirty.”

“Look who's talking.”

With a quiet laugh, Axel parted his lips around the head and sucked.

“Nn... Yeah, that's better...”

He was completely hard in Axel's mouth, now. Swallowing hard and tilting his head back, Roxas gripped the covers with his free hand while Axel moved his head, making good use of his tongue and sucking thoroughly whenever he drew back to the head.

Roxas fought to keep his hips against the bed, but the temptation was almost as seductive as Axel's mouth. Mewling his name, Roxas tightened his grip in his hair and was rewarded by Axel taking him to the hilt. His legs trembled and he squirmed, unable to help himself under the assault of pleasure.

Hoping to get him to pull again, Axel took him to the base again and gave a short, hard suck. With a light cry, Roxas did just that, and was rewarded yet again when Axel moaned. It became vibration, liquid heat that raced down his spine.

Axel had to draw off him to pant after a minute, having completely forgotten to breathe, and Roxas let him. He massaged at the place he'd just tugged, and Axel's eyes slipped closed.

“Fuck, Rox,” he purred.

“Yeah...” Roxas looked down at him with lust-fogged eyes.

“I've gotta -” Axel began to speak, but decided it'd be quicker to just sit up and start taking his pants off. Roxas promptly slid back to give him room.

It didn't take him long to get naked, and then he was trailing kisses back up the shaft. Roxas twisted the covers, trying and failing to catch his breath.

“D'you wanna come like this?” Axel murmured between kisses.

The sight of him accompanied by the pang of want listening to his husky voice briefly overwhelmed Roxas. “I could...”

“Hn...?” Axel wasn't thinking enough to piece together what Roxas was leading up to.

Embarrassed to say it aloud, Roxas pulled back a little. “This is good, I mean, but if we're gonna try...”

Axel caught on. “ _Right_ -... Yeah.” He kissed the tip of his length, mouth open and lingering. “Just lie back...”

The clench of nerves in Roxas's stomach was very much like the first time he'd suggested 'driving'. Roxas lay back haltingly, watching Axel grab lubrication from his bedside drawer, hidden at the very bottom.

Opening the bottle, Axel settled next to him. “You can always tell me to stop.”

“I know,” Roxas replied breathlessly.

Kissing the corner of his lips and his jaw, Axel prompted Roxas's leg up to get better access to his body. Very carefully, he slid a fingertip over his entrance, letting him get a feel for it first.

Roxas inhaled sharply. He'd anticipated more than that, and his stomach twisted when it didn't happen, suddenly sure that he was going to do something humiliatingly wrong.

“It's okay,” Axel murmured. “I'll warn you before I...”

“Yeah,” Roxas replied, avoiding his eyes.

“I'm gonna, okay? Try not to tense too much, I'll go slow.”

After double-checking whether he needed more lube, Axel pressed forward and breached him cautiously with one finger. Roxas had tensed despite himself, and wasn't prepared for how _strange_ it felt. He clenched his teeth together to prevent making a sound.

Trying to distract him, Axel nipped his throat and sucked slowly while he worked his finger inside, and gave him a second to get used to. Eventually, Roxas started breathing again when he realized he wasn't in any pain.

Pain or no pain, though, he felt distinctly... invaded, and Roxas was having trouble getting around that.

The attentions were constant even when Axel was distracted in his multitasking. His lips roamed and he sought that _angle_ , the one to find his g-spot – he wanted to show Roxas right away why he was doing this at all. The motion was bizarre, almost too much, and Roxas thought he might have to tell him to stop when something lurched, hot and abrupt, through his body. He seized Axel's arm with a choked sound.

Axel sucked harder in reflex, but asked, “Okay?”

“It's...” Roxas's voice momentarily died in his throat. “... _weird_ , I don't know.”

Axel brushed that spot again, slower.

“ _Ah_...” Again, the rush of sensation was too intense to identify, but Axel was gentle and he refused to let up. Roxas kept his crushing grip on Axel's arm and the initial shock ebbed into sharp tingling.

He must have responded in some way that Axel was attuned to, because he began to move his finger in shallow thrusts. Roxas tensed infrequently, but his body was starting to open up and adjust. The feeling was too foreign to get used to, but it wasn't enough to panic him anymore. He was breathing almost steadily, and he was tempted to bury himself against Axel's chest.

“Won't do a second one. Not unless you think you want it,” Axel noted, voice low. Roxas shook his head.

“Yeah, I don't think so...”

“Cool,” Axel nipped his earlobe and brushed his prostate just a little more firmly. “You're taking it so fucking well, though.”

Roxas was incredulous. “Is that what I'm-... ngh...”

“You haven't freaked out,” Axel pointed out, tongue tracing his ear. “And you're so hot...”

A thrill of heat made Roxas's breath catch, and he almost had to start the whole process of evening it out over again. To his own surprise, he started to moan when Axel thrust his finger against his prostate at a steadier pace, and started to grind on the leg Axel had slid forward in offering. He was rapidly reacquainted with the arousal he'd lost.

He wanted more of... something. More pressure against his cock, definitely, but... _inside_ was okay, too. Roxas was losing enough control of himself to stop caring what it meant if he got off on this.

Steadily more intense, Axel nipped and sucked nonstop, circling his fingertip. The edge was back to his lust and he spoke without really meaning to. “Wanted to get you like this for so long... Had dreams about it, thought about it all the fucking time... I think about _you_ all the time, you're so insanely hot when you're all...”

Roxas's eyes opened a sliver, bucking against him. He didn't linger on the implications (or the words at all, really) as Axel's voice massaged its way into his libido. “Mn... When you talk like that...”

“Yeah?” Axel shifted his leg to grind into Roxas a little. “Fuck...”

“It's-... It's good, I dunno...” Roxas tried to grind back, tightening inside in the process. “ _Ngh_.”

Axel exhaled, filter dropping. “Holy shit I want to be inside you. This, this is so good, you're doing so good... The way you just tensed up – fuck, I mean, I don't wanna _hurt_ you so tell me if it's too much, but you got so tight...”

Biting into his own lip, Roxas closed his eyes and shivered, failing to find the words to answer him.

“I want to make you come like this,” Axel said, voice lowering further. “I want...”

There was an uncertain stab of nerves, and Roxas tilted his head and stammered, “I don't-... Don't know if I can...”

Axel hushed him, almost purring. “It's okay if you can't, I don't care how – if you can't or you're not there yet, it's still good... I just want to see you-... I want to make you... However you want to, don't care...”

Roxas sat up a little, breathing hard and trying to sort his head out. “Maybe... if you put your mouth back...”

“Yeah – lie back again.”

On the way to his knees, Axel's finger slipped out and Roxas shuddered. It felt even weirder to just have the intrusion vacate him, and his voice was sharp when he reprimanded, “Warn me next time.”

“Sorry.” Axel had grabbed the lube again to apply some more. “You okay?”

“Yeah,” Roxas replied somewhat grudgingly, the short thrill of panic having put him in the mood to be irritated. “Doesn't hurt or anything, it's just... weird.”

Axel kissed the head of his cock. “Alright if I put it back?”

Roxas's answer of, “Yeah,” was almost too quiet to hear. Axel almost thought he'd imagined it, but pressed the finger back inside him and wrapped the other hand around Roxas's cock.

His body tightened slightly, but Roxas remembered him now and could adapt far more quickly. He exhaled, kind of glad to recover from that intensity for a moment, but he also wished he hadn't signed away his ability to do anything but lie back and react.

Axel found his prostate again and started to swallow him, and Roxas forgot himself entirely. He thrust up into Axel's mouth, making him draw back with a noise of protest.

“Shit, sorry -”

In answer, Axel took him to the hilt and hummed. Roxas forgot his guilt, and which way was up.

“ _Ah_...” Arching his back, he groped at the bed covers, losing control fast. Axel was figuring out his pacing until he'd managed to thrust against Roxas's g-spot every time he was taking him back into his mouth, and Roxas's entire body was trembling. The only time the tremors seemed to stop was when he arched his body and moaned brokenly.

He wasn't going to last with the combined stimulation, and it wasn't so strange anymore. He tripped over Axel's name in the attempt to alert him, voice weaker than he expected.

So caught up in what he was doing, Axel's response was almost belated. He drew back a little in time for the dam to break.

Roxas made a sound like the start of a loud groan, then bit down hard on his tongue to stifle it into, “ _Mmn_.” His body language said it all, anyway, his hips twitching and shuddering through his peak, eyelashes fluttering over eyes that felt blinded.

Axel swallowed, his finger still moving but much slower. It took Roxas a while to recover from his squirming even after his orgasm, and when he finally slumped onto the bed, it was with an utterly blank mind.

Catching his breath, Axel kissed Roxas's thigh and informed him, “Taking it out...”

Roxas closed his eyes as he did so. It was still a weird feeling, but the buzzing in his nerves overshadowed it pretty quickly.

“You okay?” Axel inquired breathlessly.

“Mm-hm,” was Roxas's indistinct reply. Axel climbed back up onto the bed.

“Good...”

Roxas glanced at him cautiously, watching Axel wrap a hand around his cock with an uneven exhale. He turned his head to kiss him, much to Axel's surprise, but he was more than happy to kiss back as he stroked himself. Almost lazily, Roxas deepened the contact. He didn't think he could move any more than that, even if he wanted to.

Axel hadn't realized how much fingering Roxas had _gotten_ to him until he was right there on the edge, and he groaned into the kiss. He didn't need much more stimulation, but a gentle bite on his lower lip was just the thing to give him that last push.

“ _Ngh_...”

Another small shiver went up Roxas's spine at the sound of Axel's moan. He'd spilled into his hand, still kissing Roxas with unabashed need until air became scarce for them both.

“Good?” Roxas asked, taking in his dazed expression.

Axel smirked a little. “Yeah.”

Roxas managed to grin back. “Uh, tissue?”

“That'd be real good right now.”

Starting to sit up, Roxas cringed slightly. It didn't escape Axel's notice.

“Anything hurt...?”

“Not really... It's just _weird_.” He felt like he’d been saying that a lot, but he didn't know how to identify what he was feeling.

“That shouldn't last long,” Axel assured him. With a nod, Roxas retrieved the box of tissues and passed them over to Axel. Cleaning off his hand, Axel sat up and began, “So. Not-physically. Are you okay?”

“... I think so.” He wasn't bad, by any means.

“Want pants?” Axel offered, finding Roxas's before his own.

“Yeah, thanks.” He experienced another twinge of discomfort when he put them on, but... _discomfort_ still wasn't really the right word.

It was just... _weird_ , like he'd said.

He didn't know if weird meant good, or bad.


	34. Chapter 34

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just an FYI; starting Thursday, when we post chapter 35, we'll be in the home stretch! The final ten chapters of Overexposure! To celebrate, we're going to post chapters every other day - meaning, chapter 36 will be on the Saturday, etc.
> 
> We hope you guys enjoy! Also, just a quick shout-out to all you fantastic people who've been commenting on practically every new chapter! You have no idea how motivating that is and how much we appreciate it.

They'd reached the mid-point of summer, and at last, Axel had heard from his friends.

In high spirits, Axel finished loading up his trunk with everything he would need for the evening, the hazy blanket of warmth and orange-streaked sky boding well. All he thought he'd need were snacks and to tell his mother he'd be out for a while, and then he was good to go.

As he passed the dining room table, Roxas glanced up. He was poking around inside of his camera down here, where there was better lighting, delicate tools in hand, but his priorities often seemed to shift when Axel was around.

“Hey...”

Axel paused on the way to the pantry and grinned. “Hey.”

“So... I could use a drive somewhere...”

Despite being visibly intrigued, Axel balked. “Ah, shit. I, uh. Actually have plans.”

“... Oh.” Roxas's face heated up and he looked back down at his camera. “That's fine. It wasn't like-... No big deal.”

“You could come with. And, after.”

Roxas opted not to hear the awful innuendo, but he wasn't sure whether or not they were still speaking in code or not. He doubted Axel would invite him along if he was actually going out with friends. “Where are you going...?”

“Couple friends of mine and I are going to create a fireworks display. No one you hate,” he tacked on, “I don't think.”

Roxas raised an eyebrow. “Like at Disneyland?”

“No way. Better and bigger.”

“And still illegal?” Roxas prodded.

“... It's not something I'd want to tell Mom, necessarily,” Axel replied cagily.

Roxas considered carefully. “... Will I get in huge trouble if you're caught?”

“Not _huge_ trouble. You are a minor, after all.”

That was the opposite of encouraging, but it did give Roxas a scope of how much bigger and better they were talking. “They're gonna be pretty impressive, huh?”

“Should be. Zexion's helped me fine-tune the technical.”

“The genius science guy?”

“That's the one,” Axel confirmed.

Well, that clinched it. With Axel and Zexion’s combined chemistry expertise (and general lack of regard for laws that might inhibit them) it was guaranteed to be one hell of a show. Roxas grinned and patted the side of the camera. “Give me a few minutes with this and I'll document plenty of evidence.”

“Awesome,” Axel grinned. “I'll bring extra snacks, then.”

“Good food to go with your felony. Cool.” Deciding his tinkering could wait, Roxas began putting the camera back together.

“I know how to party,” Axel claimed, and resumed his route to the kitchen.

It took a few minutes to gather all the junk food Axel desired, for Roxas to get his camera back into working order, for Axel to go find Aerith and tell her what was going on. They met each other at the front door as Roxas was sliding on his shoes.

“Got everything?” he asked, eyeing the shopping bag full of tortilla chips and dip.

“Yeah. Well-... Actually, I should get some extra stuff for later.” Axel removed his keys to toss them to Roxas. “You go ahead to the car. I'll be right down.”

With a grin and a nod, Roxas shoved the keys into his pocket and pulled the door open. He went ahead to the car and climbed in.

Nerves had started to bubble up under the veneer of anticipation. Roxas guessed they'd be doing... stuff similar to last time, unless he said otherwise. The issue was, of course, that he wasn't sure if he _wanted_ to say otherwise, or if he wanted to stick to what was familiar and nice. Very nice.

It wasn't like he was worried about things being 'more gay' if they kept playing around with fingering. That had stopped being a concern a while ago. It was just the _other_ taboo that made him uncomfortable with the idea, now... The thought that he was crossing yet another line with his brother-to-be.

Roxas held his camera bag tight to him. It was better to think of lesser concerns... Like being arrested for what they were about to do.

Coming back to the car, Axel opened the door to the driver's seat and began speaking before he was even buckled in. “By the way, I told Mom that I'm having dinner at Demyx's. Not sure what your excuse is.”

“I'll think of something,” Roxas shrugged. “She's not as quick to keep tabs on me.”

“Weird. It's like she doesn't trust me.” Axel started the car.

“S'why I thought you'd try harder to move out,” Roxas told him, buckling up.

“I'm still figuring that out...”

That topic died quickly, neither one of them wanting to think of the future when it would involve their parents being wed.

 

* * *

 

They managed to make the car ride comfortable again with idle chatter, though Roxas did spend the majority of the trip wondering whether or not this was a bad idea. It took the best part of an hour to get to the spot Zexion had designated, and by the time they arrived it was almost wrong to say the time of day was 'evening'. The sunset made everything dim, the pink glow sinking into the horizon and heralding night.

It was a good spot for fireworks. They'd gone all the way out to the beaches of a nearby lake, where civilization was sparse and the view was good. Funnily enough, Axel was pretty sure they'd found this place before on their longer 'drives'.

And, speaking of which...

“Hey...” Roxas caught Axel's arm once they'd piled out of the car, a good distance away from Zexion and Demyx. “How much do your friends know about me?”

“I used to bitch about you,” Axel responded. “They don't know we, uh...”

Turning red, Roxas let go of Axel's arm and snapped, “Obviously.” Both hands went to rest on his camera bag, trying to keep a platonic amount of distance between them.

“Then chill,” Axel coaxed, going around to the trunk of the car.

On his next glance around, Zexion rose to his feet and crossed his arms impatiently, a small crate at his feet. Demyx was sitting on the very edge of the shore with his feet in the water, chatting just-audibly to Zexion. Conscious of them, Roxas kept his eyes on Axel, watching him pull out a black bag.

“Please tell me there's nothing in there that could’ve blown up the car.”

“You have no concept of how incendiaries work,” Axel told him, and called down to his friends as he carried it over. “Hey.”

“Axel!” Demyx tilted his head back with a grin that turned into an expression of confusion. “And, uh?”

“The reason you're late, I assume?” Zexion turned a cold eye on Roxas. His eyes narrowed in return, and Roxas hung back a little.

“Nah, that was my bad. Wanted to bring snacks,” Axel breezed, and knelt down to start unloading the bag.

“This is your brother, right?” Demyx inquired.

“Stepbrother,” Roxas corrected firmly.

“Oh,” Demyx blinked. “Uh.”

“He's alright,” Axel assured them. He didn't like the look on Zexion's face as he glanced between Roxas and Axel.

“I'm not here to get in anyone's way,” Roxas said. “Got invited.”

Zexion was experiencing a vague and unsettling confusion, but he dismissed it after a moment. “Hm. Stay well back. Same goes for you, Demyx.”

“Yeah, I know.” Demyx barely moved, regardless.

Roxas raised an eyebrow. “How back is 'well back'?”

“Farther back than Demyx is,” Axel replied pointedly, kneeling down to start helping Zexion set up.

“Aw.” Reluctantly, Demyx got up, sand clinging to his wet feet.

“Up on the hill is fine,” Zexion clarified.

“... Sure.” Roxas turned to walk away, going up to find a spot to perch and crouching in the sandy grass. He shielded his camera upon removal, starting to adjust the settings.

Demyx plopped down beside him, watching Roxas fiddle about. “So. You do. Uh... Camera... stuff?”

“Uh-huh,” Roxas replied distractedly, choosing a night setting.

“And... you and Axel don't fight anymore, I guess?”

Roxas snorted. “We still fight. Not as much, I guess.”

“Weird.”

“You don't have any brothers, do you?” Roxas felt incredibly bizarre calling Axel that.

“Nah. I live with my aunt and uncle and no cousins, either,” Demyx answered, shuffling his feet absently and wiggling his toes.

“... Oh.” Roxas decided not to ask, instead looking down to screw on a lense attachment for taking landscapes.

“It's just weird 'cause he doesn't mention you at all anymore, so we figured that meant you just ignored each other.”

Roxas wondered if there was anything he could say to discourage this guy from asking any more questions. “Yeah, mostly. He thought I'd want pictures, I guess.”

“I guess,” Demyx echoed. He obviously still thought something about the situation was weird.

Roxas just shrugged.

While they worked, Zexion gave Axel a number of questioning looks, which came so frequently and so intensely that he couldn't pretend to miss the silent question.

“He's not so bad anymore,” Axel claimed. “Thought he might want pics, anyway, and this counts as bonding.”

“I seem to recall you claiming you'd only bond if someone implanted magnets in your foreheads,” Zexion replied evenly.

“Maybe someone put me up for surgery without my knowledge,” Axel shrugged flippantly, then sobered. “... Mom's been miserable enough without us fighting, and he stopped being hateful after a while. And he has alright taste in TV.”

“Hm. You're certain he won't decide to save this as blackmail?”

Axel smirked. “I wouldn't invite anyone along to my illegal shit without dirt on them, first.”

He didn't mentioned that the dirt on Roxas also involved him.

“I believe that, at least. Finished with that?”

Axel snorted. “Yeah, just about.”

“When you're ready.”

Drawing back, Axel got out his lighter. “Alright, let's hear it for practical applications of chemistry...”

Smirking, Zexion moved to cover his ears, watching Axel ignite the end. Stepping back, Axel called out, “In three, two, one...”

Demyx whooped as the first one went off. The firework launched high up into the blackening sky and burst into bright white sparks, followed by a second explosion of red. Surprised that it had actually worked, Roxas glanced first down the beach at Axel just to confirm that he wasn't on fire, then quickly tried to snap a picture of the colors painting the sky. He only caught the tail end, but he hardly cared – Roxas laughed in amazement.

“So cool,” Demyx cheered.

The next shower of sparks were blue and green, three of them going up at once. Roxas knelt to keep his balance and aimed his camera at the approximate spot the last fireworks had gone up, but he was still unable to capture all of the color in frame. With a sound of irritation, he got to his feet and hurried backwards, moving from place to place as they continued to light fireworks and set them off.

A wide burst of red, then smaller ones of purple and orange. Axel grinned up at them, then looked back, seeking Roxas.

His face was hidden behind his camera, and Roxas kept it trained on the sky even when nothing was going off.

“Axel.”

“Hn?” Immediately, Axel flicked the lighter again.

“Are you paying attention?”

“'Course,” Axel replied, lighting the next to go off.

“Keep on time, then.” Zexion covered his ears immediately once he'd gotten his words out.

With a high whistle and a bang, the sky lit up white again, then red. Roxas took pictures in a continuous stream, ignoring that his arms were going numb.

The last one was lit, and Axel looked back at Roxas, barely covering his ears in time. Demyx cheered at the largest explosion of blue, and Roxas took shots until the last crackling sparks had fizzled out and disappeared. Impressed, he lowered the camera and caught Axel's eye, who grinned broadly.

Brushing himself off, Zexion stood up. “Could stand to refine the composition, but a successful test, all things considered.”

“We'll play around with the formula. Think we could go even bigger?” Axel didn't look away from Roxas right away, pleased to see him grinning back.

Demyx sat up, having laid back while he was watching. “That was _awesome_. Is that all of 'em?” he shouted down towards them.

“Yeah,” Axel confirmed.

“If I could ask for help cleaning the debris?” Zexion prompted.

“Dem. Clean-up crew time.”

Demyx groaned.

Putting his lighter into his back pocket, Axel made his way up the hill, effectively shafting Demyx with all of the work without having to say a word in excuse. Demyx grumbled when he realized Axel had no intention of helping, but went dutifully to round up what debris hadn't ended up in the water. Zexion remained with Demyx, already planning what work he could saddle Axel with when he didn't have a convenient way out.

“Fireworks leave a lot of junk behind,” Demyx observed.

“A lot of evidence we don't want linked back with us.”

“Oh, yeah...”

Axel went up to check in with Roxas. “Any good ones?”

Roxas was flexing his shoulders, arms a little sore. “Hard to tell. I pretty much just pointed and let it go.”

“Sweet. We should check 'em out later.”

“Later, yeah. Food now?” Roxas stretched.

“Yeah. Just gotta let 'em know I'm bailing.”

“Cool. Tell them I said bye, or whatever,” Roxas said, turning in the direction of the car.

Heading back down towards the other two, Axel went to pick up his black bag. “Hey, I'm gonna head out.'

“Huh?” Demyx was stuffing scorched cardboard and thin metal rods caked with blackened powder into a plastic bag. “What about hanging out?”

Zexion, busily dipping whatever what still smouldering into the shallow waters to cool, raised his eyebrows and asked, oddly pointed, “Curfew?”

“He's only a wee thing,” Axel waved a hand.

“So make him take a bus,” Demyx protested.

“What do you take me for, a selfish jerk?”

“... Uh.”

“If you do bring him along again, choose a daytime activity or bring him a blanket,” Zexion said impatiently.

Axel snorted. “Can do.”

Zexion and Demyx both watched Axel trudge back up towards his car.

“That was weird, right, it's not just me?” Demyx asked, hushed.

Zexion matched his volume. “There is definitely more to this than he's telling us...”

Waiting on the hood of the car, Roxas let his legs dangle until Axel opened the car doors.

“Let's go,” Axel grinned. “As the driver, I can't rummage for chips, so you'll have to feed them to me.”

“Yeah, don't count on it.”

“If I crash the car and kill us both because I'm trying to get to the salsa, it's on you,” Axel informed him, getting in and starting the car. Roxas got into the passenger side and buckled himself in.

“Whatever. Where are we going, anyway?”

“Anywhere. Nowhere.”

“Could do the really stupid thing and try our luck at the horror movie setting again.”

Axel smirked. “Ooh. Tempting.”

“Nowhere else has enough room,” Roxas grinned as well, reaching down into the bag and dropping some chips in his mouth.

“Let's go for it,” Axel declared. “I need sustenance, though.”

“Ugh, fine. Open up.”

“You're a godsend.” Axel opened his mouth, and Roxas pushed a chip inside. Axel crunched it with apparent great satisfaction.

“Enjoying that?”

“Mm.” Axel swallowed, then opened his mouth for another. “Ahh.”

“Salsa?”

“Hell yeah.”

Opening the jar of extra hot salsa, Roxas scooped some up and forced it more clumsily into his mouth. Axel had some more difficulty getting the entire chip in his mouth, and Roxas started to laugh at him. Whatever Axel tried to say was muffled as he chewed.

“No idea what you're saying.”

Axel swallowed. “I said 'fuck you'.”

“Hey, I _gave_ you the chip.”

“And that was an affectionate 'fuck you'.”

“Oh. S'that a promise?” Roxas tried to sound casual and stuffed some chips into his mouth.

Axel grinned. “Every time you want it to be. Speaking of which... What do you want to do?”

“... What we've been doing so far is good.”

“Including...?”

Almost too quick and quiet to be heard, Roxas replied, “Yeah.”

“... Cool. Chip?”

Roxas practically threw the next one at him. Axel missed it completely.

“Wow. Was that deliberate? If so, you're an asshole. If not... You're still an asshole.”

“Well, then you don't have to know.”

“I retract the fucks I intended to give you. They're held hostage until I get another chip.”

“What a threat,” Roxas rolled his eyes.

“Orgasm withdrawal is no laughing matter.”

Roxas dipped a chip and held it up to Axel's mouth anyway. It was immediately crunched down on.

“Satisfied?”

“Mn,” Axel swallowed. “Satisfaction for satisfaction, sure.”

“Hm. Catchy.”

“And I _think_ that was the motto that inspired the barter system. Which... actually, that's kind of the opposite of sexy. Not what I was going for.”

“How do we always end up in these stupid conversations?” Roxas mused.

“Well... _I'm_ kinda stupid. Still brilliant and devilishly attractive.”

Roxas thought it might be in poor taste to agree, but he couldn't bring himself to disagree either.

They parked in the woods, and neither of them could tell whether or not it was the same place as they'd been twice before, but it didn't seem to matter very much.

“Too bad we don't have our sexy playlist,”Axel lamented.

“Least we'll hear the serial killer coming,” Roxas noted.

“Nothing sets the mood like horror movie caution.”

They got out of the car and into the back, once they'd pulled their seats forward to give themselves as much room as possible. Roxas climbed in, announcing, “Closing the door. Watch your head.”

Axel had sprawled, but sat up properly. “Thanks for the warning. It's my best feature.”

“You think?”

“You _don't_ think?” Axel ran a hand through his hair.

“I can think of better...” Roxas trailed off, then realized what that'd sounded like when Axel started snickering. “You heard nothing.”

“Fuck no I didn't.”

Now was a good time to shut Axel up, and Roxas pulled himself close to do exactly that.

 

* * *

 

The two of them had drifted off entangled in one another, having little choice considering the amount of room in the backseat. Neither one of them had intended to fall asleep there, but as it had gotten later, they'd found themselves giving into drowsy satisfaction. Occasionally Axel shifted in his sleep as his limbs cramped, and usually he slept so deeply that a hurricane couldn't wake him. This time, though, he was roused by the sound of buzzing from the floor of the car. Barely conscious, Axel reached around for his jeans and lifted them up to get to his phone.

“'Lo?”

“ _Axel?_ ” Aerith's voice was oddly high-pitched and hurried. “ _Oh, good, I got one of you_.”

“Mom?” The sound of her voice woke Axel up properly. “Yeah-... Sorry, what?”

“ _I tried calling Roxas first, but I couldn't reach him. Do you have any idea where he is?_ ”

Roxas remained steadfastly asleep. Axel tensed.

“Uh... I think at a friend's?”

“ _Oh_ ,” Aerith seemed to consider her response for a moment. “ _Do you think you could pick him up and bring him home with you?_ ”

“Yeah, sure,” Axel stifled a yawn. “Is, uh, everything okay?”

“ _Yes, everything's fine._ ” She sounded strangely like she might giggle. “ _There's just some things we have to talk about._ ”

“Uh, sure... I'll give you an ETA once I pick up Roxas.”

“ _Thank you, sweetie. Oh -_ ” Aerith became a bit stern. “ _You may almost be in college, but I'd still appreciate a text when your plans change to staying over for the night._ ”

“Sh-oot, sorry. Forgot.”

Aerith sighed. “ _Well, try not to forget again. See you soon.”_

“Yeah, love you.” Axel hung up and shifted, and Roxas – who had been resisting wakefulness and was very unimpressed about being stirred awake – slowly blinked at him.

“Wha's going on...?”

“Mom,” Axel replied. “She wants me to pick you up and head home.”

Roxas needed a second to understand that, during which Axel sat up properly and began to dress himself. Then the beginnings of panic stirred in Roxas's gut. “Why? What happened?”

“Nothing bad, I think? She just sounded weird...” Axel handed Roxas his pants.

“That tells me so much,” Roxas frowned and groaned as he sat up, stiff and sore. It took him multiple attempts to get his pants onto his legs.

“Hey, you know as much as I know.”

It took them a while to get themselves in order, and much hissing and moaning when they exited the car and stretched their legs. Having been thoroughly explored, Roxas still had a little bit of trouble adjusting to the feeling inside himself, and they put off their return long enough to let him get the hang of walking again. To top off the discomfort, his lips and tongue still twinged like they’d been burned, because _goddamn_ that salsa Axel had been eating was ridiculously spicy.

Once they were back in the car, they adjusted their seats and turned on the radio at full volume in an attempt to _really_ wake Axel up.

Roxas rubbed his neck the whole way out of the woods, Axel driving them out and texting his mother once he was within a reasonable distance.

Roxas glanced around when they got out of the car when they got home, as though he'd get a clue of what was going on just by looking up at the house. Axel yawned as he headed up to the door, unlocking it and letting the two of them inside, only to find Ven waiting right behind it.

“Come on, get in,” he urged, grabbing for Roxas. He was still in pyjamas.

“What's going on?” Roxas asked, trying to read his expression. It at least looked like nothing _bad_ had happened.

“No one died, right?” Axel kicked off his shoes and tried to sound offhand.

“No… maybe?” Ven said quickly. “I don't really know yet, either.”

They made their way to the dining room, and found Aerith waiting there with her phone in her hand. They'd left Namine to her sleep apparently, as she was nowhere in sight.

“Sit down, sit down,” she prompted them all, getting to her feet. “Are you hungry?”

“Uh, no,” Roxas declined, taking a seat.

Axel dropped into the chair nearest to his mother. “Nearly always, but more curious.”

Pacing in her excitement, Aerith waited until they were all seated before she started, “I'm sorry to wake you up so late, but time zones and everything... I just got off the phone and I thought you'd want to know right away... Your dad's coming back!”

Ven immediately sat up straighter. “Dad?”

“When? Soon?” Roxas spoke in synchronicity with Ven.

“Yes!” Aerith practically glowed. “He'll be back in the country three weeks before the wedding, but he's making a stop to get your uncle home first. That's one of the things we have to talk about.”

Ven was alarmed again. “Is Uncle Cloud okay?”

“Yes, they're both fine,” Aerith reassured him breathlessly. “Everyone got out alright, it just took some time and a lot of bureaucracy to arrange to come back this quickly.”

Axel had been hit with a really unfortunately timed realization that he'd expected the wedding to be delayed again. “That's awesome,” he chimed in, thinking of Roxas. This _was_ awesome news, no doubt a huge weight off the twins' minds...

But...

“So when does he get here? Is the wedding staying the same day?” Ven asked eagerly.

“We talked about it and we think we can keep the date,” Aerith confirmed. “It's cutting it a little close, but he's going to stay with Cloud and his family for one week, then the three of them will be coming to stay here until the wedding.”

“The 'three of them'?” Roxas echoed.

“Zack, Cloud, and your cousin Sora.”

“Sora and Cloud are staying _here_ for two weeks? Why not a hotel?” Roxas asked.

Axel considered whether or not Roxas would find it funny later on to learn that meeting his uncle had been Axel’s sexual awakening. Probably not, he decided.

“After everything that's happened, we agreed it's more important to keep family together,” Aerith replied with an air of reprimand.

Ven grinned. “We haven't seen Sora since we were ten. Whose room is he in?”

“Cloud will be taking Ven's room. Now, of course we can't put four boys in one room, so we're going to discuss what's going to happen with Namine's care. There already may be legal issues with her having stayed here for so long, as she's still under another family's guardianship... We'll figure it out in the morning. But no,” Aerith turned to Axel, “you can't put Roxas, Ven, and Sora together and keep your room to yourself.”

Roxas's stomach sank. Namine might be leaving, he'd be sharing a room with someone... He'd adjusted to sharing with Ven, maybe, but Axel wouldn't want a stranger in his bedroom. Either he'd be stuck with his hyper-happy cousin, or... in close quarters with Axel.

“Why wouldn't they want that, though? You know, to catch up,” Axel protested.

“There isn't enough space, it isn't fair to them. Of course, you don't have to stay with Sora, you don't know him. But maybe, Roxas, Sora could take your room and Ven could bunk with Axel?”

“Doesn't make a difference to me,” Roxas lied.

“Aw, can't I stay with Sora?” Ven pleaded. The two of them had always gotten along well.

“I don't care who stays in my room,” Axel also lied. He wasn't about to just volunteer to room with Roxas, _knowing_ that wouldn't end well for them, but... also, he wanted to room with Roxas.

“I thought it might be easier so neither of you have to give up staying in your rooms,” Aerith thought aloud.

“I don't care if Sora and Ven use my room,” Roxas said. “I can sleep on the couch if I can't stand sharing.”

“You'd have a sleepover with me and Sora sometimes, right?” Ven turned to Roxas.

“Yeah, sure...”

Axel avoided looking in either twin's direction. “So Roxas bunks in my room, Ven and the mysterious cousin crash in Roxas's, and Cloud is in Ven's with Zack? It's indecent to share your bed before the wedding, Mom.”

Aerith gave Axel a look, but hid a smile poorly. “Zack will be in with Cloud just for the night before the wedding.”

Unable to help being pleased his mother was so happy, Axel started to grin. “Thank god, I don't want any funny business under my roof. Man of the house and all that.”

“Oh, honestly,” Aerith smiled and shook her head, finally taking a seat. “Well, we'll keep that as the tentative arrangement for now. We'll still have to talk about it closer to the time, find out for Sora and Cloud feel, make sure Namine has somewhere safe to go...”

“This is awesome,” Ven nudged Roxas, smiling broadly.

Worry niggled at Roxas again, but for a change, he didn't linger on it. His father and uncle weren't going to be stuck overseas much longer.

They were both safe. They were _coming home_.

“... Yeah,” Roxas smiled. “Yeah, it is.”


	35. Chapter 35

Early in the week, Namine was moved back into the house of Marluxia and his parents. There were a few tears and many reassurances during the short move, as well as plans made in advance to meet up as soon as she was settled again. Any and every excuse to leave that house, Roxas figured, was going to be welcome.

Carrying her sketchbook on her way to their favorite cafe, Namine checked her phone as she walked inside, intending on sending a text to Roxas to let him know she'd arrived. However, she wound up not needing to when he waved over at her, a bit of strain in his barely-there smile.

Namine smiled at him much more easily as she went to join him. “Hello... I'm not late, am I?”

“Nah, I wanted to get here early,” Roxas replied, glancing down at his coffee. He'd only bought it to justify taking up a table – for a change, it just wasn't appealing to him.

“... Is everything okay?” Namine questioned, lowering herself into the seat across from him and setting down her sketchbook.

Roxas shook his head. “You first, though. Are you okay?”

“Marluxia's out of the house more often than not,” Namine reassured him. “It's been quiet.”

“And quiet is good?”

“Quiet is excellent. Now,” she folded her hands, “tell me whatever you're comfortable with.”

For some time, Roxas wondered how to begin. They hadn't had many chances to talk privately, since they'd received the news of his father's homecoming. The joy had waned to expectation, and expectation had brought dread along with it.

“... The wedding is really soon. Only a few weeks. You probably know where this is going already...”

Namine nodded, crossing her ankles. “Axel.”

Roxas copied the gesture glumly. “We agreed we'd stop this a week before the wedding, so...” he balked, failing to articulate. “It's soon.”

“... And you're not ready for it to end,” Namine surmised, holding back a sigh.

Roxas didn't need to answer, hanging his head.

“Roxas... I really don't want to upset you, but... are you sure this is only, um. Physical?”

“You mean am I in love with him or something?” Roxas's voice lowered at the word 'love', like he was saying something so incredibly vulgar that he couldn't risk someone else overhearing.

“Maybe not love...”

He kicked the underside of the booth with his heel. “Maybe it's something...”

“Well... What do you think it is?”

He shrugged. “Inappropriate?”

Namine almost smiled. “That isn't what I mean. You know that.”

“I know. Does it really matter what it is, though?”

“Yes.”

“But if I acknowledge... whatever it is, it'll just be harder to end,” Roxas argued.

“Roxas... It's too late for that.”

He groaned. “I was afraid you were going to say that...”

“I'm sorry. It's just true.”

Roxas heaved a huge sigh.

Leaning forward, Namine pressed, “Do you love him?”

“... It's too soon for that.”

“Okay,” she accepted. “Do you like him, romantically?”

“He's... He's my friend. But it's a bit different, yeah.”

Namine chose her words carefully. “Roxas... Is there a chance you might love him, one day?”

“God, I hope not.” Roxas sounded tired.

“Do you think there's a possibility that Axel likes you? Or could love you?”

Just the idea of trying to fathom that was like hitting a mental roadblock hard enough to give someone a concussion. “I don't really want to think about it...”

“I need you to think about it,” Namine insisted, stern. “If avoiding this would fix everything, I wouldn't have asked.”

With a touch of a whine, Roxas protested, “Why can't avoiding it fix things?”

“Because you'll never confront anything. You'll never actually let this end but it will never progress. You'll sleep with Axel, in secret, until you're caught or you begin to resent each other. You won't be with anyone else, neither will Axel, or if either of you try you'll get hurt or be hurt or hurt a third party whose only crime was liking one of you. You'll fight, and you'll tear apart your family... If they don't find out and fall apart because of this secret, first.”

Roxas's mouth was hanging open slightly, speechless. Though it was subtle, anyone who knew Namine well could've discerned that she was upset.

“... I don't want that for you,” she concluded.

“That's a pretty dark way to put it,” Roxas said, trying to sound light and playful but failing on both counts.

“It's true,” Namine lamented. “You have weeks until the wedding. That's a really short amount of time to figure out what you're going to do, while this isn't hurting anyone. Your dad, and Axel's mom... This has been between the two of you up until now, but once they're married, your dynamic affects them too.”

Roxas lost all pretense of trying to lighten the mood. “So what am I supposed to do?”

“... If you like each other, you have to come clean to your parents.”

His eyes went wide, then narrowed. “ _No way_.”

“You won't stop, if you do! You haven't stopped before now, you won't after either! Things will _never_ feel over!” Namine wrung her hands under the table. “You can't keep this a secret forever, Roxas. You just _can't_. But if you're honest before the wedding, with everyone, maybe the situation can be saved.”

Roxas shrank in his seat during her miniature tirade, never having seen her like this before. “I'm not gonna break them up. Maybe I don't like it, but they're _happy_ , and after everything with my dad being away...”

“You don't have to _break them up,_ but... They're your parents, and they love you. Maybe you can all figure out a way to be happy, without the lies. And, if not... Then it will really and truly end, no more confusion, and no one did anything wrong.”

“You make it sound so easy,” Roxas shook his head.

“It's not. I _know_ it's not.” Namine squeezed her hands. “... I honestly don't see anything wrong with you and Axel being together, while your parents are married. You still aren't brothers. But not everyone sees it that way. This could go really badly. I don't even _know_ what could happen to Axel – you're younger, he'll take more blame...”

“That's exactly why it has to _end_ , no matter what,” Roxas interceded. “Axel can't even tell his mom he's _gay_ , how is this supposed to go over better?"

“... If you can end it... _Really_ end it, not just _say_ you are, on your set day a week before the wedding... Then, that's good. But you can't escape your feelings, and if you honestly like him or don't think you'll really end things then, talk to Axel. And consider talking to your dad and his mom.”

Roxas was a little sharper than he meant to be. “It's not about 'if' – it has to end so we can move on with our lives. Nothing good is ever going to come from this!”

He sounded firm, but he was shaking a little. Namine did not shrink or flinch when he sounded harsh, just regarding him seriously.

“Not if it stays this way. You're right.”

The wind sort of having been taken out of his sails, Roxas leaned heavily onto the table.

“That's why you have to do something,” Namine continued.

“... We might be sharing a room soon,” Roxas admitted quietly.

Namine just let her head drop into her hands.

“Hey, it wasn't like I wanted to,” Roxas defended himself. “I just didn't want to share with my cousin. He talks all night and kicks in his sleep.”

She just made a small despairing sound into her palms.

“I'll probably just sleep on the couch, anyway?” Roxas was uncomfortable in a different way, now.

Lifting her head, Namine had a sympathetic expression on her face. “... I know you. You won't stay on the couch.”

“I _might_.”

“Don't be ridiculous,” she told him off, and Roxas almost flinched.

“I'm _sorry_ , okay?”

Biting her lip, Namine wilted miserably. “Don't be. I... I just want you to be happy. I wish there was a simple way to have that.”

Shrugging, Roxas pushed his cold coffee away. They were quiet now, uncomfortable with each other in silence for the first time.

After some time, Roxas muttered, “Thanks for listening,” and slid out of the booth. “I have to get home early... Aerith wants us all there to clean up the house before my dad gets back.”

He tried to sound at least a little brighter at the prospect of seeing his father, but it was hard when Namine was biting her lip and keeping her eyes on the table.

“Good luck,” she bade him quietly.

“Thanks,” he sighed, and left Namine to her immense worry.

 

* * *

 

The house was complete pandemonium.

Aerith was directing everyone in the various chores assigned to them all afternoon, right up until she had them drop what they were doing to go change into clean clothes. She'd gone, perhaps, a touch overboard in trying to make the place spotless and welcoming, especially since the house had never been so perfect when Zack was around.

It was better than fretfully watching the clock, though.

The only room exempt from the rule was Axel's room, as Roxas and Axel had an understanding with Aerith that, since no guests would be staying there, it didn't matter what it looked like. As such, Roxas ditched the pile of his clothing carelessly on the bed, resolved to not pay attention to Axel. He'd discovered that it wasn't possible to avoid barging in on him changing, so that was all he could really do for his sanity.

Axel was in a casual and accidental sort of war with his mother, continuously being sent back to his room to change as he kept compromising with what counted as 'acceptable clothing' for having guests over. He'd at least abandoned leather and mesh, wearing his nicest t-shirt and a pair of black jeans.

Said jeans were a little tight, but maybe Aerith wouldn't notice. She was in such a flutter that it seemed likely.

Passing by Roxas's room, Aerith paused and poked her head in. “Rox – I mean, Ven. Could you do me a big favor and get the oven preheated? I'm so behind.” If she couldn't have dinner done in time, she intended on at least making the house _smell_ like dinner.

“Uh, sure! Right away,” Ven answered, dashing out onto the landing with his shirt half-buttoned. Aerith went into the room to straighten and smooth the covers on the guest bed before hurrying out to the hallway. Checking the time, she bemoaned to herself as she went to knock on her son's door frame. “I've _got_ to start getting ready... Axel?”

“Yeah?” Axel did up his fly and opened the door wider.

The ever-present panicky note in Aerith's voice came closer to the surface. “I just sent Ven down to get the oven ready, but I've got to start changing or I'll look like-... Well, anyway, could you put dinner in when it's preheated? It's all ready, you just have to put it in and set the timer for forty minutes. You've done it for me before – you remember, right?”

“I've got it, yeah.” Axel slipped out of his room. Mission accomplished: no comments on his outfit. “Chill, Mom, he's gonna be so happy to see you that you could wear a bag and get the same results. Don't, though.”

“I know, but it's a homecoming and all. I want to look nice,” she sighed, and held back the kind of romantic notions she'd been entertaining about welcoming her soldier home while looking like everything he'd missed. Axel wouldn't want to hear it and she was too embarrassed to admit to it, anyway. “Oh, and could you make sure the shoes by the door are neat, and check if the hall closet needs straightening up?”

“Sure.” Starting downstairs, Axel muttered to himself, going over his order of operations. “Shoes, closet, dinner... and eyeliner...”

Ven came barreling out of the kitchen looking somewhat wide-eyed, and almost slammed into Axel. One hand automatically braced against Ven's head.

“Ow,” he said, despite not being hurt.

Ven staggered back. “Sorry-...!”

“You okay? You look... slightly crazed.”

“I don't know-... I think I have to, um, I forget...” Ven squirmed, antsy.

“... Okay, you should sit down.”

Eager to accept any instruction, Ven hurried to do so. “Okay.”

“Oh, one more thing, Axel?” Aerith called down the stairs. Axel withheld a sigh.

“Yeah?”

“Remind me to make you a hair appointment. Your roots are getting obvious.”

“Can do,” he called back, and supposed he couldn't complain about the criticism when he'd noticed that, himself. Going to check on the oven, he redirected to the hall closet since it hadn't yet preheated, muttering to himself again, “I don't know how to straighten a closet. That's like, the opposite of what I do.”

Still, he tried to make it look a bit more orderly and neatened the shoe pile before going back to the kitchen. It beeped at him when he checked the temperature, which he knew to mean it'd preheated, so he put dinner into the oven and set a timer.

Now, break time.

Axel went upstairs back to his bedroom, where Roxas had collapsed on his clothing pile beside his laptop. He'd considered putting his clothes away, but honestly he hoped to save that as a task for when he and Axel were stuck with each other later.

Roxas pressed a hand to his eyes and tried not to replay Namine's advice and dismayed expression in his subconscious theater.

“Made yourself at home?” Axel closed the door. Somehow, he hadn't expect Roxas to just... be there.

“As you can see,” Roxas responded, muffled.

Axel went to the mirror. “Want to figure out ground rules now or later?”

Roxas shrugged, though it was hard to tell from his position. “Stick to my side of the room, that kind of thing?”

“No girls, no parties, no waking up at two AM and crawling into each other's beds for a handjob?” Axel raised an eyebrow.

Roxas sighed, just audible.

“So now's not a good time,” Axel inferred, starting on his eyeliner.

“Not really,” Roxas sat up. “Look, I'll just... try not to be here as often as possible.”

“No, dude, you don't have to. You don't exactly have a getaway from the madness, without your room... At least I have a car.”

“It's fine. I can stay with Hayner or something.” Almost without realizing he was doing it, Roxas started to put away clothes.

To his total bewilderment, Axel felt a short stab of jealousy. “Don't.”

“... What's the problem with that?”

“... Nothing wrong with it,” Axel replied, and started on the other eye. “I actually do want you to make yourself at home in here. That's all. Situation's not fair to you.”

“Making myself at home is what I'm worried about.”

“... This doesn't have to be weird?”

“You sure about that?” Roxas was skeptical.

“Fuck, no. I'm pretty much convinced that we'll at least make out if we're sharing a room, but...”

Roxas muttered something about Namine, then said louder, “Should we act under the assumption we're gonna make out at some point, then?”

“... Knowing us...”

“So... ground rules?”

“Ground rules,” Axel agreed, and got up to sit on the bed.

“Probably unrealistic to think there's ever going to be a time no one's in the house...”

“So, nothing during the day, at least,” Axel decided. “Only when we're pretty sure everyone's asleep.”

“Sounds fair.”

“Obviously... got to be quiet...”

Roxas started to blush. “So certain things are off-limits.”

Axel lowered his voice, all the more conscious of someone overhearing. “Should we, uh, just stick to basics? Handjobs, making out?”

“Yeah, probably,” Roxas agreed hastily. “And, uh, should probably keep clothes on as much as possible.”

“Hot. Okay.”

Roxas gave him a strange look.

“I'm into foreplay,” Axel shrugged. “Not the point – what else...”

“That's all I can think of, other than ending up in separate beds at the end of the night.”

“Agreed,” Axel nodded.

“And I guess, act grudgingly civil around each other the rest of the time,” Roxas mused.

“Definitely. I'll keep my hands to myself,” Axel sighed dramatically.

“We can still watch TV and stuff, though,” Roxas amended.

“Damn right. New season starts up soon.”

“By the time school's started, yeah.” Roxas's grin was surprisingly affectionate.

“I plan on making a fucking event out of it. Popcorn, over-sized drinks. Ice cream is a given.”

“Sounds good. It's a date,” Roxas said thoughtlessly.

Axel's eyes went briefly wide. “... Is it?”

“Uh-...” Roxas felt like he'd been caught. “Not like a dating-date, since... you know, that's after-...”

“Yeah – I mean. Obvious in hindsight.” Axel cleared his throat. “No clarification actually needed.”

“Yeah... good.” Roxas wondered if this was the time he was supposed to talk to Axel, as Namine suggested. When he tried to muster the will to do so, though, he found his ability to form words had vanished. He just returned to packing up his clothes into neat piles.

Needing to break the mood, Axel reached for the first ridiculous thing he could say. “... So would it be weird if I hit on your uncle?”

Roxas stopped, staring at him with utter certainty that he'd heard him wrong.

Axel kept a straight face. “He's a very pretty man.”

Not oblivious to the resemblance, Roxas crossed his arms. “Uh-huh.”

“What, are you doubting my powers of seduction?” Axel stretched out in a mock-alluring display.

“You can try, sure,” Roxas replied, uncaring. “It might be funny for a bit to watch.”

“Oh shit, if it worked, though.” Axel fell back on his bed, exhaling. “He's so hot. I'd do terrible things to that guy.” He glanced at Roxas. “Are you open to threesomes?”

Roxas gave him a look that was a very clear answer. He was annoyed to feel a ripple of jealousy, finding himself comparing himself to Cloud despite the ridiculousness of the scenario.

“That's cool, I can still dream about it.”

“As long as I don't hear you dreaming about it.”

Axel closed his eyes. “Mm. Blondes.”

Roxas aimed a rolled pair of socks at Axel's stomach.

“Ow,” Axel grinned.

Satisfied that he'd caused him pain, Roxas resumed his chore.

“Worth it.” Axel opened his eyes and sat up. “I should check on dinner. I expect a martini prepared when I come back up, and I'd like a foot massage and a cigar.”

“You'll probably get something,” Roxas threatened.

“I'm pretending that's a _sexy_ threat.” Axel got the door and headed downstairs.

He found his mother in the kitchen, talking excitedly on the phone. Aerith had dressed in a brand new outfit and done her hair in curls down her back, making her look a decade younger. Axel whistled as he went to check on the oven.

Looking around sharply, Aerith failed to look stern, almost giggling instead. “Yes, okay,” she said into the phone. “We'll see you soon.”

“On their way?” Axel inquired once she'd hung up.

“They're less than ten minutes away,” Aerith crooned delightedly, and forgot to comment on Axel's eyeliner. “Can you watch this for me, please? I want to finish getting ready.”

“Consider it watched.”

“ _Thank you_ ,” Aerith expressed, kissing his cheek as she passed. Axel spared her the customary groan just because she was happy.

As she passed the living room, she saw Ven sitting on the couch and paused. “Oh-...”

“Yes?” Ven looked alarmed, expecting more instructions.

“You look very handsome,” Aerith told him affectionately, then continued towards the stairs.

Axel watched the oven with an air of boredom until he thought he could hear a commotion outside. Aerith summoned Roxas with a slightly raised voice and practically dragged Axel towards the front hall in her haste, the three of them finding Ven already there and bouncing anxiously on his toes.

Outside, Zack was tipping the driver generously, having spent the entire drive with one arm slung around Cloud's shoulders and talking at top speed about everything: the twins, Aerith, Axel, and the wedding. Overladen with bags, a bushy-haired brunette rushed around the side of the car and stared up at the house, and Cloud got the luggage out of the trunk.

“Sora, come on, still got your bags?” Zack asked, barreling up to the door and not waiting for an answer. He wrenched it open without even thinking that it could be locked; it wasn't, anyhow. “ _Aerith!_ ”

Only a few steps inside the door, Aerith's smile softened. “Welcome home.”

Zack's bags were dropped and he wrapped her in a hug, spinning her around once. Cloud silently picked up the dropped bags.

Aerith lost her composure and laughed in delight, arms wrapping around Zack's shoulders. Over by the stairs, Roxas had made it to the hall and slowed down, staring ahead at his father.

Zack kissed her cheek. “I missed you _so much_ , I'm so glad I'm home...” Zack only released her to round on his sons, scooping Ven into a hug and grinning over at Roxas. “And my boys, come here, I thought about you every day -”

“We all missed you, too.” Aerith stepped out of the way to let Roxas come forward.

Ven squeezed Zack as hard as he could. “Welcome back, Dad! I really missed you.”

Roxas visibly hesitated on the spot before rushing forward, letting himself be wrapped up in a hug too.

“Me too,” Zack hugged them tight. “I missed you so much...”

Quiet enough not to be heard outside the group hug, Roxas murmured, “It's great to see you, Dad.”

Axel had been distracted by the way Cloud's arms were flexed, but glanced at Roxas when he thought he heard his voice. He didn't let himself look for very long, feeling like he was intruding on something very private, and his eyes landed on Sora's brown spikes.

Straining to see, Sora looked to his father. “Uh, should I like, put the bags down, if it's gonna be a bit?”

Cloud nodded once. “Probably.”

“It's cool, I'll show you where to put 'em,” Axel quickly volunteered.

“Huh?” Tilting sideways to see who'd spoken, Sora found Axel hard to miss. “Oh. Cool, thanks.”

“Right this way. Mi casa is your home.”

“Uh, right.” Sora hauled his bags up, edging past his uncle and cousins. The two of them headed up the stairs, and Cloud watched them go before turning to Aerith.

“Good to see you.”

Aerith smiled, and despite her temptation, did not move for a hug or any other contact. “You, too. You have no idea.” She was tearing up again. “I was so _worried_ about you. Both of you.”

“We tried to write when we could. The General sent regards, by the way.”

Aerith's expression went slightly blank, but she was still smiling. “That's good to hear.”

Placing a hand on her arm, Cloud said quietly, “I haven't congratulated you yet.”

“Thanks, Cloud. It means everything that you'll be here for the wedding,” Aerith blushed and gestured. “We should get out of the hall, come on...”

Roxas had finally started to pull himself out of Zack's grip, and Zack let go reluctantly.

“Has everything been okay? Getting along? How's your summer been?”

Ven immediately launched into a full account of the summer, his sword competitions, and everything else he'd been doing since Zack had left. Oddly enough, Roxas's voice seemed to be doing battle with Ven's as they both tried to tell their father everything at the same time.

Upstairs, Sora was making conversation, naturally inclined towards friendliness. “I guess you're Axel?”

“You guess right. You're up in Roxas's room, and then bunking with Ven. We're hoping to create a paradox.”

Sora took a second to work that out, then laughed. It wasn't often that Axel's sense of humor went acknowledged, and he found himself already warming to Roxas's cousin.

“Here we go...” Axel got the door to the room, and Sora looked around and grinned.

“This is definitely Roxas's room,” he declared, staring at the checkered bedspread. He jerked his head towards it, an airbed set up in the other corner of the room and making it just a bit cramped. “This mine?”

“Pro-obably?” Axel drawled. “Don't think Ven will care. Just dump stuff and we'll get housekeeping to sort it out later.”

“Awesome.” Sora tipped himself back onto the bed along with all of his bags.

Feeling oddly like he wasn't allowed to be in here, Axel leaned against the doorway. “So. You're Cloud's kid. What's that even like?”

“Uh, I dunno,” Sora blinked, giving him a strange look. “Normal, I guess?”

“I don't have context for that.”

Aerith had led Cloud up the stairs to drop off the rest of the luggage, showing him over to Ven's room. Spotting Axel in the doorway, Cloud assumed that was where his son was and said, “Sora.”

He hadn't raised his voice, but Sora had heard him just fine. He swung himself into a sitting position, calling out, “Yeah?”

“I have one more bag of yours.”

“Oh, yeah!” Sora jumped up and hurried over to Ven's room, taking the bag Cloud had slung over his shoulder. “Thanks, Dad.” His gaze shifted to Aerith and his eyes briefly went wide. “Oh, oops, I didn't even say hi. I guess I call you Aunt Aerith now!”

Apparently touched, Aerith went a little pink. “Only if you want to.”

“Can _I_ call you Aunt Aerith?” Axel asked.

She gave him another look that was covered by Sora snorting, in his attempt not to laugh.

“No? I'll stick with 'Mom'. I'm more used to that anyway.”

“If you like 'the person who decides when or if you get dinner' better, though,” Aerith challenged.

“That's catchy,” Axel said.

“Don't spend too much time up here. Your cousins probably want to say hey,” Cloud instructed Sora, and went on into Ven's room.

“Got it!” With an exaggerated salute, Sora went to return the bag to the pile. “Thanks for showing me, Axel!”

Aerith accompanied Cloud into the temporary guest room, and Axel watched Sora approach the banister, giving it a look as though judging whether or not he could slide down it.

“Not worth it,” Axel cautioned.

“Aw.”

The two of them went downstairs, finding Zack, Roxas, and Ven all in the living room. Zack was recounting one of the very few funny things that had happened while he was away, and for the first time the twins looked properly identical. They were both listening to their father with the exact same rapt expression.

“Hey, guys!” Sora greeted, not realizing he was interrupting.

“Hi, Sora! Wanna sit?” Ven offered, the first to look up.

Zack grinned at Sora. “I was just telling them about what Kunsel did on the way to Wutai – you heard in the car...”

Sora laughed, going to sit cross-legged to listen to the story again. “Oh yeah, that was good.”

Axel didn't pay any attention to the tale, watching Roxas instead. He had eyes for no one but his father, at the moment, and had barely paid Sora heed when he'd joined them.

He was so _cute_ , at the moment. Axel wondered if he should feel guilty for looking at Roxas like this when the atmosphere was so... familial.

Cloud came downstairs and listened as well until Aerith called them for dinner, which both Axel and Roxas almost didn't hear with their thoughts so occupied. Zack launched himself at Cloud to escort him to the table.

"You've had Aerith cook for you before, right? She's the best.”

“Mm.” Used to this, Cloud let Zack manhandle him to the dining room. Likewise, everyone related to either Zack or Cloud was accustomed to this behavior, and Roxas was sort of relieved to see it. They hadn't been properly together since...

Before his mother died.

Aerith looked a little horrified when she entered the dining room. “I completely forgot to set that table. Boys, can you help me?”

Sora automatically assumed that meant him, too, and he came forward to help.

“Oh – Honey, think this calls for that bottle of wine I got back in January?” Zack called.

Aerith shooed Sora back to his seat. “I think you're absolutely right. Do you mind getting it out?”

“Yeah, I'll grab it.” One hand practically dragged over Cloud's shoulder and his head, on his way out of the dining room. Going to get it from the basement, Zack took a detour on his way back up to stop in the kitchen. Aerith had tied an apron around her waist while she opened the oven, the boys in and out of the room as they grabbed cutlery, glasses, plates, and mats.

They had a moment without the kids around. Grinning, Zack kissed her while they had the opportunity.

Returning it affectionately, Aerith giggled like a teenager. “My Soldier...”

“And your husband soon,” Zack beamed.

“I haven't forgotten about that. Tomorrow, we'll get back to planning.”

“Bright and early,” Zack vowed, and kissed her again. “So, wine! And anything I can carry in?”

“Just the wine and yourself,” Aerith smiled, hanging up the apron again.

“On it.” Stealing another quick kiss to her cheek, Zack headed back into the dining room to uncork the wine bottle. “Alright! Cloud, you're having some, right?”

He made a sound that probably meant yes.

“Everyone's free to serve themselves,” Aerith announced, bringing the last of the serving cutlery out and taking a seat by Zack.

“Shouldn't we make a toast or something first?” Sora eyed the wine hopefully.

“Which are customarily done with wine,” Axel agreed, boring holes into the wine bottle with his eyes.

“Not until you're old enough,” Cloud informed Sora.

“Aw, but it's a party.” Sora turned huge pleading eyes on Zack, instead.

“It's not fair to the others if I just give some to you, Axel,” Aerith said.

“I'm all for equal opportunity,” Axel protested. “Like he said, we're celebrating.”

“... Well, just a bit wouldn't hurt,” Zack considered. “They're already allowed to have wine at the wedding.”

Sora lit up.

Aerith bit her lip. “Well, I can't tell the twins no, and if they're having some I suppose that Axel can. But Cloud's word is still law as far as you're concerned, Sora.”

Sora turned immediately to Cloud. “Come on, Dad...”

“You're too young,” Cloud replied simply.

Zack nudged him. “Hey, you drank before you were of age.”

Cloud looked briefly annoyed that he pointed that out. “... One glass,” he told Sora. “That's all.”

“Just one,” Sora beamed, enjoying his uncle's influence over his father immensely.

“You're even younger,” Aerith cast a worried look over the twins. “I don't think the two of you should have any more than enough to toast with.”

“They'll be fine, they might sleep earlier and that's it,” Axel dismissed. Roxas gave him an irritated look that didn't have much feeling behind it.

“Aerith is right. You also don't _have_ to have any, if you prefer,” Zack said, mostly to Ven.

“I'll at least take a sip for a toast. If I don't like it, I'll just get juice after,” Ven decided. He was the only one at the table who hadn't actually had alcohol before, so he had no idea what to expect.

“Alright, pass your glasses down,” Aerith instructed, though she looked like she didn't quite approve.

“They'll be fine, it won't be very much,” Zack reassured her, pouring wine for each other them. The glasses were passed down, and Zack stood up, lifting his own. “Now, the toast. To family, being together. At _last_.”

Concerns allayed, Aerith's eyes went glassy as she lifted her wine, having trouble keeping her emotions under control. “To family, and the two of you.”

Axel was hit with a hard wave of guilt.

Smiling at Aerith, Zack gently clinked their glasses and took a sip. Cloud drank simultaneously, giving the two of them a look that was hard to read unless you knew him. It could've been interpreted as fondness.

Roxas hastily downed what little was in his glass and looked at no one, and Ven took a tiny sip and pulled a face. Axel laughed at Ven's expression, not noticing that he'd forgotten to drink, himself.

“So, not your thing, huh?”

“Eugh, no.” Ven reached for the jug of juice.

Sora was the first one to reach out for a dish. “So, I've never been to a wedding before.”

One hand twined with Aerith's, Zack shook his head. “Not true! You were at my first wedding.”

“Sora was barely a month old,” Cloud pointed out.

“Still counts.” Zack began serving himself. “You should have more fun at this one, you'll actually be able to enjoy the party.”

“Was I really at your wedding?” Sora lit up. “Did I cry the whole time? Do you have pictures?!”

Axel and Roxas were both trying not to look at each other at any time during this meal, and Roxas waited with unusual patience for dishes to be passed down to him. He desperately hoped that he wouldn't be seeing any pictures of his mother today, or any of the days leading up to the wedding.

“I can show you some other time, but I think you're in a couple pictures!” Zack said.

Sora grinned. “ _Cool_. I bet I was super embarrassing.”

“Are you going to try to outdo yourself this time?” Ven teased.

Roxas nudged him. “Don't encourage him.”

“You weren't bad,” Cloud informed Sora. “You shrieked during the vows, but you didn't cry at all.”

“You were a pretty happy baby,” Zack agreed.

“I wasn't able to be there, but I'm sure you were cute enough to steal the show,” Aerith smiled warmly.

“Huh. Sounds like me.” Sora sipped from his glass. “So, what's it gonna be like this time?”

As Zack launched into the details of the wedding, Axel tried not to listen, though the family-talk had already done damage to his appetite. Likewise, Roxas made a show of eating only when anyone looked at him, which didn't happen often. He cut a piece of chicken with far more attention and care than necessary.

“Oh, Uncle Zack, did Dad tell you my friend Riku's coming, too?” Sora asked. “He's my plus-one.”

“Oh. We'll have to double-check the seating,” Aerith mused.

“I'm sure there's room. We did plan for reserve seats, and we would have counted the plus one during the initial tally,” Zack prevented any seating-related panic.

Though she looked worried, Aerith asked kindly, “Is he going to need a place to stay, too?”

Roxas scowled. He remembered Riku, and also remembered not liking the smug little boy he’d known.

“I would have warned you,” Cloud told her. “He won't need accommodations.”

“Oh, good,” Aerith sank slightly in relief.

“Hey, Sora, what d'you want to do here before the wedding?” Ven questioned.

“I dunno, what's fun around here?”

“Legally, or...?” Axel trailed off, and had to pretend he didn't find Cloud attractive when he was giving him a piercing look.

Sora laughed sheepishly. “Well, I was talking about arcades or beaches or stuff.”

“This isn't the islands,” Roxas spoke up. “You have to take a train to get to the beach from here.”

Or drive for a really long time...

“There are malls, though. Movie theaters. Parks. Free taxi services,” Axel listed.

“Huh?” Sora looked quizzical.

“Axel's got a car,” Ven interpreted. “He gives us drives sometimes.”

Roxas stared determinedly down at the table, then jumped badly at a sudden brush against his leg. He looked to Axel without thinking, accusing, but then felt Pluto's nose against his hand.

“Everything okay?” Aerith looked concerned.

Zack glanced under the table. “Oh, it's Pluto!”

Sora immediately looked under the table as well. “Is that your dog? Uncle Zack talked about him.”

Aerith started to get up. “Oh, he shouldn't be in the dining room...”

“I thought I put him out.” Axel had no memory of actually doing so, but did remember being told to.

“Ven, could you...?” Aerith asked anxiously.

“Sure,” Ven rose immediately. “Here, boy.” Drawing Pluto away from the table, he needed to take his collar in hand when Pluto continued to turn back, trying to beg for scraps. Sora stared after them, looking like he had every intention of following the large puppy.

“You can play with the dog after dinner,” Cloud headed him off.

“It's not very late, you boys could also show Sora around the neighborhood,” Zack suggested.

“I'll go with him,” Roxas offered quickly. “Pluto needs a walk anyway, Ven and I can both go.”

“That would be great, Rox.” Zack looked pleased.

“Sounds awesome. Thanks!” Sora exclaimed.

Ven returned with paw prints on his shirt, which he was trying to brush off with fairly good results. Aerith had started to strike up a conversation with Cloud about old friends, but Axel interrupted.

“Mom? Can I be excused?”

She was too distracted and pleased to wheedle more family time out of him. She supposed Axel might be feeling like an outsider in this close-knit scene. “Oh, alright, I suppose.”

“Nice to meet you,” Sora called after him. “Guess we'll see each other around!”

Axel might've responded, if he hadn't needed to be... away, so pressingly. He made his way up to his bedroom and shut the door, stomach protesting with a grumble of hunger, but trying to go back for food felt as appealing as chewing gravel.

He fell back on his bed, looking over at the cot that had been set up for Roxas.

 

* * *

 

The only reason Axel found to move was to strip off everything but his boxers, though he kept himself covered from the waist down by his blanket. He lay on his stomach, watching videos on his phone in a bored sort of way.

It was too early to sleep, by his internal clock. Roxas's walk with Ven and Sora had been a long one, and he'd continued to avoid Axel's room for as long as possible with a slightly extended goodnight to his father. He'd given Ven and Sora a last refusal to spend the night with them, and then he couldn't put it off any longer.

"You stayed out late,” Axel drawled once the door had closed. Roxas's eyes found him automatically, then looked away just as quickly.

“Did I break curfew or something?” Roxas stripped off his shirt on his way to his cot.

“Just saying...” Axel turned over, pausing his video. “Do you, uh. Want me to start putting off crashing here?”

“You can do whatever you normally do,” Roxas denied.

“... Well, this is normally the time of night where I bypass parental controls and masturbate. That was a joke,” he tacked on hastily, “in poor taste.”

Roxas looked alarmed nonetheless, unsure what he'd do if that ever... came up. He turned away, changing into pyjamas.

“... Sorry.”

“It's fine. I didn't expect anything different.”

“No, uh. I'm sorry about...” Axel sighed uncomfortably. “You really missed your dad.”

Roxas paused, not sure why that was embarrassing. “Well... yeah, obviously. Anyone would...”

“You never said anything. But it was really getting to you, huh?”

“Why would I?” Roxas shrugged.

“Because it was hard on you, I guess?” Axel turned onto his side. “Glad he's back. For Mom's sake, obviously, but. You, too.”

Roxas sat down, not sure how to take this. “Uh, thanks, I guess? It's not really the kind of thing you talk about with...” He gestured, not sure what he was about to call Axel.

“... I get that.”

Going quiet, Roxas tried to figure out how to say that he didn't know how to feel about Zack being home now that it'd happened, or if he _should_ say anything at all.

“You, uh. Can, though. Talk about whatever to me,” Axel told him.

“... So, dinner was weird.”

Axel exhaled. “Fuck, right?”

“Sort of figured acting normal around Dad would be the same as it used to,” Roxas admitted. “Maybe that was stupid.”

“If it helps at all, Zack definitely bats for both teams.”

“You mean the way he acts with my uncle? That's just how he is,” Roxas argued.

“He looks at Cloud the way he looks at my mom,” Axel snorted. “I think if he could marry them both, he would.”

“I-... That's a SOLDIER thing. They're close and stuff.”

“Yeah, and we're 'close and stuff' too.”

“Maybe Cloud reminds him of my mom, then,” Roxas snapped.

Axel silenced.

Chest rising and falling once in irritation, Roxas said, “I get what you're trying to say, but it doesn't matter.”

Turning back over onto his stomach, Axel spoke without tone. “Then forget I said anything.”

Roxas waited a moment, then got to his feet to cross over to Axel's side of the room. Less confident than he'd sounded in his head, he asked, “Hey, can I kiss you?”

Slowly, Axel shifted onto his side again. “Yeah.”

Bringing one knee up onto the bed, Roxas leaned down to his level and seemed to momentarily forget how to do this. Then he gently pressed his lips to Axel's, and Axel was deliberately not tentative in the least, not wanting the kiss to feel either awkward or like some sort of apology. One hand slid up to the back of Roxas's neck, parting his lips.

Still, though, the kiss was actually quite chaste. Axel didn't press for anything past that, more reluctant than he was willing to let on, and Roxas was pulling away fairly quickly anyway.

Roxas stood up again, trying to think of something to say but coming up blank. He figured it was better to just go back to his bed, berating himself for what now seemed like a stupid thing to have done.

“... Hey,” Axel murmured. “We'll figure this out.”

He was too tired to combat that. “Sure.”

Axel closed his eyes.

Neither one of them slept.


	36. Chapter 36

Since his return, Zack had been checking in on his sons with perhaps obnoxious frequency. Roxas knew who'd knocked on Axel's door immediately, and he still felt weird about being allowed to invite people into Axel's room.

Sitting up in the bed he'd been relaxing in, Roxas prepared himself for another 'Just saying hi' or 'Are you hungry?', putting down his phone.

“Yeah...?”

Zack opened the door, dressed in a crisp white shirt. “We're heading out and probably won't be back for dinner,” he announced. “I've told Ven.”

“You and Aerith?” Roxas clarified.

“Cloud, too,” Zack replied brightly.

“Oh.” Roxas tried not to find that strange, Axel's view of his father's relationship with Cloud still fresh in his mind. “Sure. I guess we're in charge of our own dinner, then?”

“Yeah – we left some money on the counter, it should be enough for everyone. Just call if you guys need anything.”

Already getting an idea, Roxas nodded.

“Oh, and be nice to Sora, okay?” Zack turned away from the doorway, grabbing the doorknob to close it after him.

“I am being nice...” Roxas muttered in disbelief.

With the enthusiasm of a child, Zack bounded downstairs to where Aerith and Cloud were waiting arm-in-arm by the front door. They intended to review some of the relevant wedding decisions over dinner, but one would've thought they were on their way back to Disneyland. “Ready to go?”

“Just waiting on you,” Cloud replied.

“You'd think we were taking him out for ice cream,” Aerith noted fondly, and Cloud's lips twitched.

Zack swiftly kissed her cheek. “Well, cake tasting might be part of this, right? Same thing.”

Aerith pulled away from Cloud to take Zack's hand. “True. But if I see you putting your fingers in the frosting...”

“I can restrain myself!” Zack exclaimed, getting the door for the other two adults.

Axel was in the driveway, washing his car as he'd taken to doing after the last carwash he'd gone through had overcharged him, but paused to watch the procession. Aerith broke off to speak to her son while the others went to the family car.

“The three of us are going to be out for a few hours, past dinner time at least. So, you're in charge,” Aerith told him, trying to keep the note of concern out of her voice.

“Cool. I'll keep 'em in line.” Axel resumed wiping off his windshield.

“Thank you. There's money for dinner. You can take them out if you want.” Aerith leaned down to kiss his forehead.

“Probably will, cheaper than ordering...”

“We'll see you later tonight,” Aerith straightened up and began to return to her fiance.

“Have fun,” Axel called. “Within reason.”

They waved at each other as Zack drove out of the driveway, and Axel watched them take off down the street.

“... Sweet,” he breathed, dropping the sponge and hauling the bucket aside, heading back inside to change. He met Roxas halfway down the stairs, and they both froze.

“Hey,” Axel said. “Adults just bailed.”

Roxas was staring at him. Axel's shirt was soaked and clinging to him like a second skin.

“... You look like you're buffering.”

Snapping out of it, Roxas asked, “So, are we getting out of here?”

Axel smirked. “Give me a second to change.”

Roxas grinned and resumed going down the stairs, and Axel passed him to go up to the landing. He was surprised to see Sora and Ven hurrying out of Roxas's room, though, the two of them leaning on the banister.

“Hey, Axel!” Sora greeted. Axel stopped.

“Hey – yeah?”

“Well, we've all got to get dinner, right?” Sora started.

“Later, I figure, yeah,” Axel responded, alarm bells going off.

“Well,” Ven continued for them, “the thing is, I've got to be at the dojo at seven tonight -”

“And Ven was telling me about this burger place, if we could go there before his practice...” Sora implored.

Feeling distinctly cheated by fate, Axel tried not to groan. “Oh, shit, right. Yeah, we could go.”

“And Roxas is invited too, obviously, if he wants to go,” Ven said.

“Let me just change and I'll ask.”

“Sure!” Sora grinned, and started to bound down the stairs. Axel let them by and stripped off his shirt on his way into his room, closing the door behind him.

Then he began to swear copiously under his breath. This timing _sucked_.

 

* * *

 

Dinner had taken way too long, in Axel's estimation, even though he'd decided that Sora was pretty good company. There were never any uncomfortable silences with Sora around, that much was certain, and he treated everyone as though they'd been friends for years. Still, once dinner was done, there was only enough time before Ven's practice to drive there.

Once they'd dropped him off in front of the dojo – and lingered long enough for Axel to privately envy the warm way Terra and Ven looked at each other when saying hello – they began the unpleasant drive back.

It wasn't unpleasant for everyone in the car, but Roxas, for one, was in a very dark mood. He was alone in the back now and leaning heavily into his arm, not even pretending to listen to Sora's constant chatter. Under the impression that they'd be hanging out for the rest of the night, Sora was eagerly recounting every significant vacation he'd had as though determined to catch Axel up with his life until now. Axel wavered back and forth between irritable frustration and baffled awe, listening just because he was a nosy person.

“ - Kairi wanted to come too, obviously, but I could only bring one guest and Riku – well, Riku wanted to more.”

Axel wasn't the kind of guy who passed up opportunities to talk, no matter how laid he wasn't getting. “Shame. I'd've given up my seat, if I knew.”

Sora snickered. “Well, maybe we could pass Kairi off. Her hair's almost the same color as yours.”

“Does she have my hips?”

“Well, no. She'd look pretty weird.”

“No good, then. That's my second-most identifiable feature,” Axel said.

“Oh, well,” Sora shrugged, and dived right back into his story about the summer he and his friends had planned and executed three elaborate play-weddings. With a snort, Axel glanced in the rear-view mirror to check on Roxas.

He'd sunk so low that only his dull eyes were visible. Despite the situation not having been what Axel intended, he still felt kind of guilty.

“So what about you?” Suddenly, Sora had switched gears and was asking questions.

Axel had lost track of the conversation. “What about me?”

“What d'you and your friends do?”

“Oh – mostly, uh, scientific experiments. One of them is kind of a genius, best recreational chemistry partner I've ever had.”

“Science experiments?” Sora repeated, and it was evident that that didn't sound especially interesting to him.

Axel smirked. “This one time we were playing around with acids -” he began, then stopped. “Technically this story's incriminating.”

“Oh, so it's like _mad science._ ”

“I call it 'artistic interpretations of science'.”

Roxas stirred from his sulking. “Your dad tell you about the fireworks incident at Disneyland?”

“Huh?” Sora had barely heard him, turning in the passenger seat. “Oh – that was _you?_ ”

“Yeah. Philistines.”

“Whoa,” Sora marveled. “D'you still do fireworks?”

“Bigger and better.”

“Can I see them?!” Sora asked excitedly.

“Sure – wait. Maybe. Depends on how fast we can get shit together,” Axel amended. “Should probably also tell Zexion ahead of time that I'm bringing someone...”

Roxas said nothing, but sank into his arms again. He was strangely bothered by the thought of Axel bringing someone else to his fireworks show.

“That would be awesome. Man, if we could do it when Riku's here it'd be perfect, but then he's only here three nights and one of those is the wedding,” Sora sighed.

“I don't get why Mom doesn't want incendiaries at the reception. I think that'd kick off a marriage better than a bunch of people trying to dance appropriately in front of family.”

“Lots of flammable stuff,” Roxas mumbled. “Dress, flowers, decorations...”

“Burning flowers just has even more appeal,” Axel commented, thinking of Marluxia's garden.

“Well, if you can do it, just tell me when,” Sora grinned.

“Sure. Might not be when your friend's around, but I think I can make it work.” Axel was beginning to form ideas as to how close those two friends were, but didn't say anything about it.

“Aw, that's okay. I'll just tell him all about it so he can be jealous,” Sora decided.

Axel snorted. “That's how you know you're _best_ friends.”

Sora's smile spread even wider. “Right? So, anyway... What d'you want to do?”

“Uh,” Axel blinked. “Probably something that doesn't require a lot of work. Maybe something in management – I'd be a great king.”

Sora laughed. “I mean more like, what do you want to do tonight?”

“That makes way more sense than what I was thinking,” Axel said, glancing into the back seat. “Well, uh... I still have to drive Roxas to that thing.”

Only one blue eye was visible in the rear-view mirror, and it met Axel's.

“Oh, yeah,” Sora had no reason to be suspicious of that. “What about after?”

Axel wasn't able to think of an excuse in time. “Then I'm free for the night, I guess.”

Roxas's eyes narrowed.

“Great!” Sora crowed. “I mean, if you don't feel too weird hanging out along with me.”

“Sure, cool.”

“... Hey, Axel,” Roxas spoke up. “Forget about dropping me off. I'm too tired now...”

“Sure,” he replied, and felt a pull from his own frustration. His body was still under the impression that he should be getting sex.

Before Sora could suggest they all do something together, Roxas cut him off. “I'll just go home and sleep, probably.”

“Home it is, then...”

“Aw, Rox, you feeling okay?” Sora asked, turning in the passenger seat again.

“M'fine,” Roxas mumbled.

If only Sora wasn't likable, Axel despaired, he could just be pissed off at this change in events.

 

* * *

 

Axel's evening was not actually unpleasant. He and Sora had played video games until it was time to pick Ven up, and Sora had come along for that ride as well. Once they were back home, Axel decided they could entertain each other just fine and went off to his bedroom to grovel.

He'd texted Roxas 'sorry' earlier that evening, and gotten no response. He could only conclude that Roxas blamed him for how things had gone.

Opening the door, Axel found the room completely dark. Roxas had been lying on his cot-bed with the lights off ever since shutting himself up in the bedroom.

“Rox?” Axel quietly tested, shutting the door behind him.

There was no response.

“... So, either asleep or mad,” Axel discerned, starting to undress. There was no movement or indication that Roxas had heard him, so he was inclined to believe the former. Shuffling around in the dark to get on his pyjamas, Axel went to his bed and let out a long exhale of frustration.

His sigh drowned out the sound of Roxas sitting up.

Not noticing, Axel browsed apps on his phone, unaware of Roxas crossing the room and coming over right up until he'd tugged on the covers to climb under. Axel paused his game before it'd even started, confused, but Roxas merely slung an arm around his waist and said nothing.

“... You run cold by default, huh?” Axel muttered, and turned to shift a little closer. He pressed right against Roxas in an attempt to help him get warmer.

“Yeah,” Roxas confirmed, almost inaudibly, and brushed his ankles with freezing cold feet.

“ _Jesus_ -”

“Sorry,” he mumbled.

“It's fine,” Axel dismissed, tangling their feet up together and bearing through the cold. “What are you, ice?”

“My circulation sucks,” Roxas grinned very slightly. “Why are you so warm?”

“I'm hot, obviously.”

Roxas groaned.

“I don't know what you expected,” Axel chided.

“Me either...” Roxas buried his face in his shoulder.

Axel slid a hand into Roxas's hair. “About earlier...”

“It wasn't your fault. I get it.”

“Would've _preferred_ hanging with you,” Axel muttered, and realized too late that he'd meant to say 'hooking up'.

“Just annoying,” Roxas admitted. “Feel like I've got no time left...”

“... We really don't have much.”

Roxas's stomach sank. “... Is the motel thing still on, or will we even be able to get away?”

“It's still on. No fucking way I'd let _that_ fall through.”

That was a relief to hear, at least. Roxas grinned. “And if someone asks?”

Axel's response was immediate. “Demyx is having a crisis and he needs my steadfast support. You're crashing at a friend's for one of reprieve from all the chaos and room-sharing with an obnoxious stud.”

“Sounds like something I'd do,” Roxas nodded.

“I figure you'll go ahead and chill for maybe half an hour, tops, which gives me time to get a call from Demyx. I head out, pick you up, and we hit the motel.”

Roxas sounded amused. “You really planned this.”

“Want it to go smoothly,” Axel claimed. “I'll bring your laptop and everything. Thought I'd put you in charge of getting snacks.”

“Sure, might as well fill the time I'm out of the house.”

“So, yeah, got it all planned,” Axel finished. “Wouldn't lose out on it _now_.”

“Good...” As much as he was on board with the plan, a bit of anxiety chewed on Roxas's nerves. It was so soon, now... So real.

“... It's gonna be exactly what we need,” Axel said with certainty.

“You think so...?”

“Yeah,” he smirked. “And if the first round isn't, we'll have plenty of time to keep at it 'til it _is_.”

Roxas snorted. “Glad to see you've got a hard-working attitude.”

“I'm motivated.”

Still grinning, Roxas settled into him, finally starting to feel warm. They were quiet for a moment, holding each other without it being weird, until a thought occurred to Roxas. He made a sound as though about to say something, wrestled with it, and then muttered, “S'a stupid thought...”

“Let's hear it anyway,” Axel prompted.

Roxas groaned. “I know it'd never be like that, even if we weren't already-... Was just thinking, no one would think it was weird to leave us alone for a while if we were actually-... Yeah...”

“Actually... Dating, or?”

Roxas wished he hadn't said anything.

Quieter, Axel tried to sound casual. “Guess that's true. If I had a dorm, you know... No one would question it, if we were just. Yeah.”

“But you don't.”

“No... I mean. I could. Possibly. I was thinking... I might ask Mom after the wedding.”

Roxas shook his head a little, nose brushing Axel's t-shirt. “You can get one if you want, but...”

“Not because of you, just to have some _freedom_. You know?” Axel clarified.

“Yeah, I get that. You should. Maybe you can get a real relationship.”

“You keep saying that,” Axel frowned, arm starting to slip off him.

“I mean it,” Roxas insisted.

“You can't tell me that wouldn't bother you.”

Roxas took a minute to try to find a way to say just that. “... Does it matter?”

“Yeah? To me, it does.”

“Why? No matter what, we're both gonna have to... move on from this, eventually.” Roxas had trouble admitting there was even something to 'move on' from.

Axel protested in the most 'fighting dirty' way he knew, which was to kiss him. Roxas's sigh was trapped, but his chest still rose and fell hard once anyway, grudgingly responsive to the tongue teasing his lower lip. Parting his lips, Roxas wound his arms tighter around Axel, and Axel's leg shifted to pin him down.

Roxas didn't mind. He sort of needed to be overwhelmed at the moment, and Axel was delivering. He was getting more intense the more he thought about Roxas just forgetting about all this and being alone.

Pushing more heatedly into the kiss, Roxas clung to whatever he could still get from this and was disappointed when Axel broke away. He was still plainly out of breath, and tried to make out his face in the low lighting.

Axel had stopped when he started to get that this-is-leading-to-an-erection feeling, but the blood obviously hadn't rushed back to his head. If it had, he probably wouldn't have impulsively asked, “Would dating in secret _really_ be any different than what we're doing now?”

Sighing, Roxas sat up on his elbows. “The consequences are a lot worse if we get caught.”

“'Bout the same, for me,” Axel confessed.

He was unable to really see him, but Roxas glanced away all the same. “... No matter how you look at it, this is never going to turn out well. Like, where do you honestly expect this to _go?_ ”

Getting irritated, Axel pointed out, “You remember that you were the one to bring this up, right?”

“I said it was stupid,” Roxas argued defensively.

“And I never fought you on that.”

“It was just supposed to be a... a fantasy, or whatever,” Roxas claimed.

“You fantasize about _dating_ me?”

“ _No_ , not like-... Forget it.”

“... No, let's-...” Axel stopped, frustrated, and caught his breath. “... Actually. Yeah, forgetting it works.”

“Great.”

“So, are we pissed off at each other now?” Axel inquired cautiously.

Roxas shrugged. “I'm not really...”

Axel relaxed, lying back down. “Good... It's hard to tell, with you.”

Sliding down off his elbows, Roxas shifted as though to pull away, not sure whether or not he wanted to go back to his bed.

“Wait, but you're ditching me?”

“Ditching you?” Roxas looked back to him.

“I was using your cold limbs to cool down.”

“... I'm not going anywhere.”

“Sweet,” Axel got comfortable again, one arm looping around Roxas's torso.

Roxas was a little tense, wondering if he was the only one who had any sense of how terrible an idea this was. They were breaking a rule – yet another, among the many they'd ignored or obliterated – by not being in separate beds. If they drifted off like this, someone could find them in the morning.

He could have said something, but instead, Roxas kissed him once. Axel returned it, the contact sweet and brief.


	37. Chapter 37

Axel had done some serious shopping around before settling on a motel. The room was clean and welcoming, if Roxas were to look at it at face-value, which he was trying to pretend he was. They walked in weighed down by backpacks and shopping bags full of junk food, swiping the keycard and setting everything down the moment they could.

“Nice,” Axel commented as he set the backpack on the bed. “Mini-fridge! Thank fucking god.”

“Shit, I didn't think a place like this even _did_ mini-fridges,” Roxas raised his eyebrows. Then again, his idea of a motel was something lot seedier than the new low-rise building they'd driven up to; he'd been trying to get used to the idea of getting comfortable in a dilapidated room with peeling wallpaper and bugs in the sink.

“Just got to know your motels.” Axel put down the shopping bag on the floor. “Got cold stuff?”

“Yeah,” Roxas lifted one arm, where the sodas clinked ominously in a weighed-down bag. “Didn't think ice cream was a good idea, though.”

“You're not wrong,” Axel agreed, opening the fridge to start putting things away. “Your laptop's in the backpack.”

“Cool,” Roxas dropped the other snacks on the bed and took a seat on it. “Uh... Should I set it up?”

“That'd be good.”

“Right...” Pulling the laptop out onto the bed and pushing it open, he typed in his password and started to search for the power cord. Axel shut the mini-fridge and got up to check out the bathroom.

He came back to find Roxas crawling under a side table to get to an outlet, and he whistled. “Alright, ass-view.”

Roxas nearly smacked his head before finally managing to plug the cable in. “Agh-... Obviously, this was intentional.”

“The part where you crack your head open is kind of less sexy.”

Roxas grumbled as he wriggled his way out.

“Got it?” Axel checked as he dropped onto the bed. Roxas gave him a thumbs up from over the edge of the bed, then climbed up with cord in hand.

“Sweet. So they've got a pretty big shower here, too,” Axel mentioned.

“Good to know?” Roxas raised his eyebrows quizzically.

“We might wanna clean up after, and we'd be saving the environment if we showered together.”

Roxas laughed in a halfhearted sort of way. He was a little too... _ready_ to appreciate Axel's ideas or jokes. Not ready to _do it_ , per se – he had to work up to that, get comfortable, be sure – but ready for... something. To spring away, maybe. To kiss him, maybe. To pace until his nervous energy burned itself out.

“We don't have to, if you're not into it,” Axel shrugged.

“Don't worry about it,” Roxas shook his head slightly. “Can we just watch something?”

“Thought you'd never ask.” Axel hesitated. “First, though...”

“Hm?”

His libido, if given form, would have kicked him for what he was about to say, but Axel would've done far worse to himself if he didn't. “I just want you to know – nothing _has_ to happen, today. No pressure for anything.”

Roxas gave him an impatient look. “Axel, I _know_.”

“Do you, actually? You're not gonna rush and do something just 'cause you feel like it's now or never?”

He hesitated, but gained some of his edge back. “Can we just go this one night without the wedding being a factor?”

“That'd be good by me,” Axel agreed.

“Good.” Roxas rolled onto his side and started to navigate his folder of downloaded movies and TV.

Axel shifted onto his side as well, observing. “I want a rom-com that critics say made them laugh _and_ cry.”

“Sorry, I don't have your life story.”

“Damn,” Axel sighed. “The leading man is eye candy.”

Roxas couldn't help grinning, deciding on a comedy he liked.

“If I cry, this counts.”

“I could make you cry,” Roxas offered, sounding far too eager.

“... You can be kind of terrifying, you know that?” Axel eyed his grin. “I might cry on _principle_ , now...”

“Then you'll be satisfied.”

“Until I develop a bad case of raccoon eyes.”

“I'll still kiss you,” Roxas said, very generously.

“That's noble.”

“I'm basically a saint.”

“I think you have to be celibate to be a saint,” Axel mused. He didn't actually know, but it sounded like something the church would declare.

“I said 'basically'.”

Axel snorted. Watching the opening credits, they slowly leaned into each other and made themselves comfortable, blindly groping for snacks until they each had an open bag in front of them. Roxas opened a bag of pre-prepared popcorn, and Axel shoved an obscene amount of chips into his mouth.

“That's attractive,” Roxas commented, and tossed a piece of popcorn high. He rolled onto his back to catch it in his mouth.

Axel said something that couldn't really be understood around chips, and Roxas mumbled 'ten points' around the popcorn.

Swallowing, Axel said, “You get five extra if you make 'em consecutive. Fifteen points on the next kernel. Feel the pressure?”

Roxas chewed and swallowed. “Ye of little faith.” He threw another piece but overshot, needing to launch himself halfway off the bed. However, he managed to trap it between his tongue and upper lip, and threw his arms up in triumph.

He'd been prepared to mock him, but Axel wound up laughing when he got it. “ _Nice_.”

To avoid choking, Roxas sat up properly to pop it into his mouth. “That was worth _at least_ twenty.”

“I'll consult with the judges.”

“Come on,” Roxas's groan was muffled.

Lifting a finger, Axel ate another chip. “... The judges are revoking your corn-launching license. They called you reckless and a danger to others.”

“What? Lame...” Sliding back onto the bed, Roxas stole some of Axel's chips. He retaliated by taking Roxas's popcorn.

“Should've known better,” Axel chided.

Roxas appeared to sulk as he devoured a handful of chips.

“Maybe I can appeal to the judges on your behalf... But my services don't come cheap.”

“You want me to offer bribes?” Roxas looked appalled. “What do you take me for?”

“Immoral.”

“I'm offended.” Roxas leaned closer.

Axel smirked. “No, you're not.”

“I _could_ be offended.”

“You're an athlete. You know your passion.” One hand drifted over Roxas's arm on Axel's way to the popcorn bag. “You'll go to any lengths to play.”

“When you put it that way...”

“So, bribes. You know what I want,” Axel purred.

“Do I?”

Axel leaned in. “I want... you to get me a drink. Thanks in advance.” He crammed popcorn into his mouth.

“I knew it,” Roxas grinned, and sat up to slide off the bed.

Through a full mouth, Axel said, “What'd I tell you. You know me.”

Roxas opened the mini-fridge, grabbing sodas for himself and Axel.

“Fuck.” Axel was picking at his teeth when Roxas turned back to the bed.

“Alright there?”

“Sharp kernel,” Axel grimaced. “Motherfucker.”

“Aw, are you gonna make it?” Roxas passed him a soda.

“Maybe not. _Probably_ not.” Axel took the bottle. “Ever smuggled a body out of a motel?”

“Not yet. Could be a new experience.”

“I'm glad I can give you that,” Axel said, and took a swig. “You're back up to thirty points.”

“ _Sweet_.” Roxas opened his own bottle to take a drink.

Axel drained almost half the bottle. “Mm. There we go. Dislodged that fucker.”

“So happy for you.” Roxas stole another handful of chips.

“I can tell you mean that.”

“I'm always sincere.”

“That was the most sincere thing you've ever said, ever.”

Roxas pretended to be completely occupied with his bottle, and the two of them wound up leaning into each other again as the movie went on. Just because it was there, Axel dropped a kiss against Roxas's neck, which got him a contented sound. He lingered there, watching the movie over Roxas.

The innocuous kiss had reminded him why they were there, though, and Roxas got the unpleasant feeling of time slipping away. He closed his eyes as Axel idly brushed his lips against him again, caught between letting this go on – and potentially end in awkwardly tapering off – or turning over and letting this proceed to the place it was going to.

Axel drew back after a moment, reaching for his drink again, and Roxas stared down at the covers.

“... Axel...”

“Mm?” Axel hummed around the rim of the bottle, lowering it.

Roxas turned over onto his back, almost underneath him. “... What time is it?”

Axel's eyes very quickly roved over him, and he reminded himself that he was letting Roxas call the shots tonight. Kissing him without an enthusiastic invitation was a no-go. “Almost ten-thirty.”

At least it was earlier than he'd thought. Roxas bit his lip. “Should we try... something?”

“Want to just make out and see where it goes?” Axel proposed, glancing at his mouth.

“Could go for that.” Roxas sat up enough to lean on one elbow. “Should probably move the food off the bed, in that case...”

Axel grabbed both bags to put them on the nightstand. “I should also grab... One second.”

Roxas wasn't thinking fast enough to understand, curiously watching Axel go for the other shopping bag he'd carried in. He didn't remove anything from it, just leaving it within reaching distance before sinking back onto the bed. They left the laptop running but kept a safe distance from it, and Roxas drew Axel down on top of him.

Bracing his weight against one arm, the other was free to run through Roxas's hair before Axel kissed him. His hand and the weight of him was soothing, and Roxas kept the kiss slow for now; he needed his brain to keep working for just a little while longer.

Axel almost grinned against Roxas's lips. He could taste salt from the popcorn and found that amusing, and Roxas mostly tasted soda in return.

Adjusting his legs to tangle them with Roxas's, Axel glided a hand from his hair down his side, and Roxas's nerves started to melt into want. He pushed himself up to be more on level with him, and wound up tipping them sideways instead, coming dangerously close to rolling Axel off the bed.

“Shit -” Axel was forced to part and catch himself.

Roxas grabbed his waist reflexively, pulling him back and laughing.

“Did you just try to murder me?” Shifting right up against him, Axel failed to sound very accusing.

“Guess I got too caught up in the body-smuggling idea,” Roxas grinned.

“You can smuggle me out _live_ , later,” Axel kissed his jaw. “All the thrill with none of the jail time.”

Roxas tilted his head up a bit. “It'd suck to explain to your mom, too. I guess you can live.”

“I'm also your ride,” Axel reminded him, and started to suck.

“Driving a getaway car might be tough without even a learner's permit, yeah...”

“Mn.” Axel sucked just a _little_ hard before moving back up to his mouth. Roxas's low moan was cut off and he pushed himself on top of Axel this time, one leg ending up around his hip. Settling back, Axel coaxed him into his lap and kissed him more hungrily, nipping his lower lip.

“Mm-...” Roxas squeezed Axel's sides, hands resting there, and broke the kiss very suddenly. He was tempted by his neck and started to trail kisses there, Axel cooperating immediately and starting to knead Roxas's hips.

“Stopping?” Axel asked when Roxas paused just above his collar.

“Your shirt's kind of... in the way...”

“I'm not attached, we can ditch it. Or burn it.”

“You might need that later,” Roxas countered, pulling back to let Axel remove it.

“Then it can live.”

Roxas glanced down at his body as though he fully intended to jump him, but hesitated. “Should I...?”

“More of this, first,” Axel decided, pulling him back.

“Okay...” Settling closer, Roxas found a spot that was previously covered up and attached both lips and teeth there, eliciting a pleased rumble from Axel.

“Yeah, that. That's good.”

He sucked sharply, remembering that Axel liked that.

“ _Nn_ , my mistake, that's fucking perfect,” Axel groaned, a distinct spike of interest warming him.

Roxas's hand drifted down his chest to his belt line as he bit down, snickering when Axel reflexively twitched. He drew back a little to glance at Axel's face.

“You look smug,” Axel observed. “It suits you. You prick.”

Sitting up on his knees, Roxas kissed him again. Axel kissed back, heady, much to Roxas's satisfaction. His hands lingered at his belt, giving the buckle an inquiring tug when Axel tried to rock up against him. He was already getting worked up, which kept the smugness on Roxas's face.

“Mn -” Axel broke away. “Yeah.”

Glancing down, Roxas started to work his belt open and slid it from his jeans, letting it drop heavily to the floor. After unzipping him, Roxas settled back.

Axel's hands ran through Roxas's hair again. “Should I strip?”

“Go for it.” Roxas slid off his lap, and when Axel ditched his jeans he got the distinct feeling of being overdressed. Axel's boxers will still on, at least.

“I'm assuming these 'll come off at _some_ point,” Axel said, glancing at him.

Roxas reddened. “Yeah, that...”

“Should I leave them on, or take them off?”

“Leave them for now. I'm still...”

Leaning down to kiss him thoroughly, Axel lingered before moving back on the bed. “Shirt.”

His hands followed the hem as Roxas tugged it up, Axel feeling up his chest until he was drawn into another kiss, a much deeper one now that they were both in states of undress. Nerves had returned though, making it difficult for Roxas to think of anything but how he wanted them positioned. As though sensing that, Axel took over and moved onto his back, drawing Roxas on top of him.

Roxas kept his hips hovering just above Axel's, not willing to make contact yet, but he was defeated the moment Axel's nails dragged down his back. He buckled helplessly, tingling, and now that he was there he couldn't feel as much as he wanted to through his jeans. Axel seemed to disapprove of their presence as well, his hand roaming down to his backside anyway.

Nipping gently, Roxas pressed his nails into Axel's back and was groped roughly in return, making his breath catch and the kiss deepen again. Roxas slid up against him, and the two got caught up in each other's mouths until Axel's frustration mounted too high.

“Your jeans -”

“I can get rid of them,” Roxas said, licking his stinging lip. Axel had nipped it pretty hard, and he was okay with that.

“That'd be good. They're kinda being a third wheel.”

Sitting back, Roxas unzipped his jeans and shimmied them off his hips.

“You know,” Axel observed, “you look way better without those.”

“You sure know how to be charming.” Roxas dropped them over the side, leaving his boxers on.

“Charming and _honest_. Have you considered being a nudist?”

It was time for the laptop to be on the floor. Roxas leaned down to lower it. “That might raise a couple of questions.”

“Not the only thing it'd raise.”

With a groan, Roxas slumped flat halfway off the bed. “Get out.”

Axel smacked his ass, because it was there. “You gave me that one.”

“ _Leave_...” Roxas drew the word out.

“Never.”

Roxas finally pulled himself up. “Why do I go places with you, again?”

“I hypnotize you with offers of candy and orgasms,” Axel replied.

“Oh. Yeah, that's fair.” Roxas pulled Axel closer, hands sliding over his shoulders to scrape with his nails again. Axel's hands ran freely over Roxas's body, palming right above his cock when they were rudely interrupted.

Roxas's phone was going off. The two of them froze, looking nervously at each other.

“... Should you -?”

“Right-...” Roxas was jolted into action, climbing off of Axel to sit on the edge of the bed. He leaned down to search inside his pants, stomach dropping when he found the buzzing device. “It's Dad...”

Axel tensed and sat back, making a serious effort not to be distracting.

Making an effort to even his breathing, Roxas was as casual as he could force as he answered the phone. “Hey...?”

“ _Hey!_ ” Zack sounded cheerful as usual. " _How're you doing?_ ”

Eyes wide, Roxas cautiously replied, “I'm fine... What's up?”

“ _Heard from Aerith you're at Hayner's?_ ”

“Uh, yeah,” Roxas glanced compulsively at Axel. “She said it was okay...”

“ _Just checking, are you sleeping over? Or will you need a drive?_ ”

“Sleeping over. I've got my skateboard, I can get back on my own tomorrow,” Roxas lied.

“ _Are you sure? I don't mind picking you up.”_

“You're way too busy,” Roxas shot him down quickly.

Zack laughed. “ _Never too busy for my son._ ”

Roxas turned a stern tone on him as a last resort. “Does Aerith know you're trying to duck wedding prep?”

Zack's laughter was a little sheepish, this time. “ _It isn't like that. But, you're probably right. Just call if you need anything, alright?_ ”

“Yeah, definitely.” Roxas swallowed hard, certain he'd dodged a bullet. “'Night, Dad.”

“ _Goodnight! Say hi to Hayner for us._ ”

Zack hung up. Roxas remained frozen for a few seconds before letting his phone drop limply to the floor.

“... Everything okay?” Axel exhaled. “Are _you_ okay?”

“Yeah,” Roxas replied hastily. “Yeah, uh, Dad just wanted to check where I was.”

“Why?” Axel asked, tense.

“I don't know. He wasn't home when I left, I guess he just wanted to know for sure?”

Axel relaxed a little. “... Okay. Good. They wouldn't have any reason to suspect us anyway...”

“Obviously.”

“... Want to chill for a bit? Try to let the mood come back on its own?” Axel suggested.

Still painfully reminded of what they were doing here and _why_ , Roxas shook his head, resolve only strengthened. He pushed his way back into Axel's lap.

Surprised, Axel almost pushed him away but decided not to. “... Alright, cool.”

Roxas wanted to move fast, now, but he couldn't figure out how to just pick things up. Almost anxiously, he glanced down and back up Axel's body before placing his hands on his shoulders, pinning Axel to the bed and recapturing the kiss.

Still thinking they'd build up to it, Axel kissed him back too slowly. Roxas’s exhale came out more frustrated than he meant it to, settling flush on top of Axel to try reawakening his libido.

He got the message. Axel deepened the kiss and massaged his hips, and Roxas was able to relax a little with him touching like that.

Still, he was having a hard time getting his father's voice out of his head, and the unshakable feeling of being somehow monitored.

One hand moved between Roxas's legs. His approving sound became a hum against Axel's lips and he raised and parted his legs, giving Axel room. Roxas's hand drifted to Axel's hip, then down to his thigh...

And Axel decided the only way past any lingering discomfort was to be forward as hell. He started to rub Roxas through the thin cotton, and Roxas broke the kiss to moan shakily, squeezing Axel's thigh. All the anticipation and nerves made him oversensitive to such bold contact.

“You good?”

“Mn... yeah, good.” Roxas pressed into his hand to get even more pressure going. “You?”

“Getting better by the second.” Axel starting to drift towards the waistband of his boxers, wordlessly suggesting.

Roxas bit his lip, fingers sliding up to mirror Axel. “Should do both, if we're going to.”

“I'm good if you are.”

Nodding, Roxas's eyes landed somewhere between Axel's collarbone and his waist as he started to pull his boxers down. His own were slipping out of the way and he felt strangely out of breath as the two articles were dropped over the side of the bed.

Axel kissed the corner of his lips.

Roxas paused with his knees flanking Axel, unsure of what he wanted now or if it was just back to kissing him. Recognizing the indecision, Axel smirked a little.

“Mind if I...?” Axel had already started to stroke him as he spoke, tilting Roxas's chin to the side to nip his earlobe.

Roxas was more than okay to go ahead with this, and he was certain Axel knew that. Still, he made a small, enthusiastic sound of agreement, enjoying Axel's tongue on the shell of his ear, the sound of his breathing, the warm hand. Fingers dug into the nape of Axel's neck, which he rewarded by teasing the crown of Roxas's cock with his thumb.

“Nn, that's good...” Roxas arched, putting Axel more on level with his collar. His attentions roved there and he bit down, making Roxas shiver and drag his nails into Axel's hair.

With an encouraging groan, Axel stroked him one more time, but held the base of his erection. Roxas murmured his name like it was a question.

“Want me to suck you?”

Briefly, he considered demanding things move even faster, but Roxas was never one to turn down Axel's mouth. “Mm, yeah...”

Kissing him once before pulling away, Axel shifted them around so he could kneel on the floor. Roxas admired the view, commenting, “Better than the car...”

“I'll say.” Axel parted his lips around the head. The warmth was familiar and as good as ever, and Axel didn't tease as much as he was inclined to. Already, he was swallowing him, and relief hit Roxas almost as strongly as pleasure. Spreading his legs wider, he found himself most comfortable with one leg over Axel's shoulder, and Axel wrapped a hand around it to steady it.

Leaning heavily into one arm, Roxas made no attempt to quiet his heavy breathing, kind of relishing the freedom of not needing to. His free hand slid over Axel's scalp appreciatively, and Axel moved his head at a pace just short of overwhelming. He only slowed to take him in deeper, right to the hilt, and Roxas's leg twitched in Axel's hold.

“ _Mmn_...” Wrapping his other hand around the base, Axel drew back.

Roxas's eyes were a bit fogged as they looked down at him, not managing to breathe for a couple more seconds. He didn't manage words or any kind of intelligent sound.

Stroking him a couple of times, Axel traced his tongue along the underside and sucked hard at the head. Roxas gripped his hair hard enough to keep from falling back onto the bed as strength escaped him.

“ _Fu-uck_ , Axel...”

The pull made Axel shudder and almost growl, the sound muffled. Roxas choked, pulling again but this time to urge Axel off.

“Ngh?” Axel took a second to understand, licking his lips.

“That's _really_ good... but if you want to do anything more...”

“Do _you?_ ” Axel reached over to the bag to grab lube.

Roxas reddened, having a hard time admitting to it now that they were here. “I-... We should-... I want to try, at least...”

“... You know you can tell me to stop.” Axel kissed his thigh and grabbed a condom, as well.

“Yeah, I know...” Roxas glanced at the door in reflex, having no idea why he felt more watched than ever.

Sitting up on the bed, Axel started to slick his fingers. “Spread your legs?”

It was hard to look at Axel as Roxas slid back on the bed and parted his legs, turning darker red. He told himself that he'd done this before, that there was nothing to feel weird about now. His eyes closed as one finger was pressed into him, and he hated that it didn't feel as easy as before. It still didn't hurt, exactly, but there was more resistance.

Because of that, he was almost surprised to find himself groaning when Axel put direct pressure against his prostate, and pulled Axel down immediately for something to occupy his mouth with. They kissed hard and heatedly, Roxas's nerves climbing again at the strange feeling of being stretched and needing to do _something_ with the restless rush.

He hadn't really appreciated how long Axel's fingers were until now. He trembled and sucked at Axel's lip hard enough to bruise, gripping him tighter as Axel tested a second finger. He'd taken two before, after the fireworks show, so he knew what to expect.

His body wasn't as keen to relax with his mind half on the door. Axel started to pull away.

“You're tense...”

“I'm not trying to be,” Roxas gritted out, somewhat defensively.

Axel kissed his cheek, “No, I mean... Can I help?”

Rather than make him feel better, Roxas felt like he was doing something wrong that needed correcting. “... It's fine.”

“If I do this right, should be better than fine,” Axel muttered, and curled both fingers.

Whatever Roxas was about to say was lost along with his breath. His hips raised a little as though directed by his fingers, a renewed surge of warmth gripping him.

That was more like the response he wanted. Axel brushed his sweet spot as often as he could as he scissored his fingers, going slow, but Roxas couldn't help wincing anyway.

“That's... not the same as what you did before...”

“Trying to be careful,” Axel kissed his neck. “This is different, yeah. If we're gonna... I need to make sure you can take it... Stretch you a little...”

Certain he missed something obvious, Roxas went an even deeper red. “Oh. Right...”

“Does it hurt?”

“No, it's just... just weird,” he answered, quieter.

“I'll see if I can distract you from the 'weird'...” Focusing on his prostate as much as possible, Axel slowly kissed him again. Roxas was less frantic now that his body had had time to adjust, reaching up to cling to or claw at whatever part of Axel was available. He wasn't picky over which.

“ _Mmn_...” Axel was most appreciative when he scratched from the base of his neck down his back, and very carefully began to add a third finger.

Roxas's groan of discomfort was muffled and he tightened reflexively, pretty sure he was going to be pushed past his limit soon.

“You're okay,” Axel mumbled, and drew back. “Trust me, you can take it, I just need you to relax...”

Roxas's eyes darted to the wall. “I _do_ trust you, I just don't see how I'm supposed to get used to this...”

“Just try to resist tensing up,” Axel advised, slowly starting to thrust his fingers into him.

Shivering, Roxas mindfully tried to relax, but his body seemed to want to tense any time Axel's fingers moved out of him. “Ngh...”

Sitting up and applying more lubrication just in case, Axel asked, “Am I hurting you?”

“No,” Roxas answered, and he was starting to find the question annoying. “It's not that it hurts. Not like that.”

“... Fuck. I'm-...” Picking up on his irritation, Axel started to withdraw his fingers one at a time. “I'm not sure about this.”

Roxas winced again when they were removed, though it wasn't as bad as if Axel had removed them all at once. Sitting back on his elbows, he sighed. “If you don't want to...”

“I _do,_ I've wanted this for _months_. Since meeting you, practically.”

He swallowed. “Okay, so...?”

“It feels like I'm forcing this – I dunno, it seems _wrong_ , somehow?” Axel looked away. “Can't shake the idea that you don't really want this, you just don't want it to be too late. Right?”

Roxas struggled with his answer, feeling cold and empty without Axel touching him at all. “... You're not forcing me to do anything.”

“... I'll keep going, if you want.”

Sitting up with a slight frown, Roxas made several false starts at speaking. “You-... You're _used_ to this. You know what you're doing. And I,” his shoulders hunched, “...don't.”

“Well... Yeah,” Axel was surprised. “That's true.”

“It's... yeah, it's stupid, but it's almost like... I don't know what to do, so I don't know how to like doing it.”

“... I can't just do it anyway and hope you start liking it, that's...” Axel shook his head.

Roxas shrugged, biting down on another worry clawing at his brain. “I want to do it... and I want to like it, obviously...”

“Yeah... Obviously... Ideally...”

“This doesn't-...” Roxas brought his hands up to his face. “This isn't sounding right.”

“I'll shut up. You go ahead,” Axel prompted.

Roxas rocked back and forth a bit. “... I can't help being sort of freaked out. Weren't you, the first time...?”

“Yeah,” Axel confessed. “It was also miserable, and with a sadist, so.”

“Maybe that's not the best example...”

“It makes sense, though. I get it.”

“... It's not _doing_ it that freaks me out, and not you either...” Roxas faltered.

“What does?”

He groaned. “I don't know... Liking it?”

Axel leaned in, kissing him briefly. “I get it.”

“Seriously...? 'Cause I don't.”

“Plenty of reasons to be freaked,” Axel said. “You don't even know if you're gay, what liking it'd mean. And if you like it, this is it, you might end up wanting it again after we're done and you can't have it.”

Roxas scratched at the bed covers. “Sounds like something Namine would say...”

Axel lifted an eyebrow. “Okay, that's not _super_ conducive to turning me on.”

He was surprised to find himself laughing. “Sorry. If it helps, we wouldn't be naked.”

“That does and it doesn't,” Axel snorted.

Roxas half-grinned, studying his face, and Axel met his gaze.

“... I seriously do want this,” Axel told him. “But you're more important than sex.”

In quick succession, Roxas seemed to lose all color and gain it right back. Axel kissed him again.

“Your call.”

Roxas wasn't sure what to make of the warm feeling in his chest. “... You're the only person I've ever actually wanted sex with... Or, the rest of it,” he amended quietly.

Axel kissed him again, being surprisingly tender about it, and Roxas uncurled a little. His flagged arousal twitched with interest at a brush from Axel's hand, and he parted his legs to fit around Axel.

“Mm...” Raising his arms, Roxas slid them over his neck and nibbled at Axel's lower lip. Running his hand down lower, Axel took a moment to slick his fingers all over again before carefully pressing one back inside, just to tease his g-spot. Roxas hissed quietly, but it wasn't a protest.

Disinclined to break the kiss, Axel did so anyway to bury his lips against Roxas's throat and rocked his finger into him. Roxas tilted his head to give him more room, nails trailing along his spine again and eliciting a sharp inhale. Axel slid a second finger carefully in alongside the first.

He was stretched enough to accept the finger without much trouble, but he sounded a bit strained nonetheless. “Can you... warning?”

“Yeah, sorry...”

“S'okay, just next time.” Roxas's hands slid into his hair.

In apology, Axel spent a long moment focusing on massaging his g-spot, and Roxas's hips bucked and rolled with the motion. What arousal had diminished returned full-force at the sound of Roxas's long and low groan, and as much as he _wanted_ he was more intent on keeping Roxas in this state.

All of their focus was on each other. Roxas pulled Axel by the hair to bring him into a kiss, the two of them pouring everything into it. Moaning against his lips, Roxas was starting to feel good enough on his fingers to consider telling Axel to finish him off with his mouth, to forget going any further.

Unknowingly, Axel was considering the same thing, and thus asked before he lost nerve. “Can I do another finger?”

Roxas almost backed out, remembering the discomfort from earlier, but he could guess how much worse it would be if Axel didn't prepare him properly. “It-... Yeah, I think so...”

Shoving down discomfort and second thoughts, Axel added just a dollop more lube and started to add the third finger. Roxas removed his hands to brace against the bed, though he took it with ease that surprised him thanks to the liberal coating of lube.

“Nn...”

Axel nipped his throat, trying to spread out sensation to keep anything from becoming too much. Spreading his legs more in the hopes it would ease the pressure, Roxas panted and tilted his head back to let Axel kiss the pink mark he'd left.

“Alright?”

Roxas nodded. “It's not bad...”

“Alright, cool.” Axel curled his fingers to hit his prostate again.

That nearly became too much sensation, and Roxas felt his legs start to shake. “ _Ah_... God damn...”

Trailing kisses down his chest, Axel put most of his focus into making him feel good over the slow stretch. The strength the stay upright failed Roxas in stages, slipping back onto his elbows while he tried to watch Axel.

“Mmn...” He felt a clash between a surge of heat and something unpleasantly like guilt. He liked the look of Axel like that too much.

Axel sucked a bit harder every time he moved his fingers, and Roxas was thankfully unable to linger on that thought with sensation taking up what was left of his focus. He closed his eyes, body adjusting gradually save for the brief tightening of his muscles whenever his hips arched.

Starting to drag his lips back up to Roxas's, Axel cut off his moans with a needy kiss. It almost took Roxas aback with how hot it was until he matched it, pushing back into the kiss with all the built up want and anxiety and everything else that was making him buzz.

Working him open a little more, Axel teeth lightly caught Roxas's lower lip as he pulled back. “Could I...”

“Ah-...” Roxas's eyes flickered from Axel's lips to his eyes and back, nervousness returning in a rush. Still, he nodded, though he wasn't sure how he'd be able to tell if he was prepared enough.

“Okay...” Again, Axel removed his fingers one at a time. Roxas closed his eyes briefly again but couldn't help glancing down when he opened them again.

Grabbing a tissue to clean off his hand, Axel then opened the condom wrapper to roll it onto himself. “Sit up a little.”

Roxas did so, feeling breathless. He was struck with the enormity of what they were doing now that it'd actually come to it, his heart pounding.

Slicking himself, Axel shifted closer. “Try to stay relaxed. I won't, until...”

“Yeah, I know...” Suddenly, Roxas was over-conscious of what his arms and legs were doing, and he repositioned himself.

“Tell me when.”

Once he'd shoved another thrill of nerves down, Roxas inhaled. “You can...”

Axel kissed him to give him some sort of outlet, pressed himself to his entrance, and then inside.

The first thing Roxas knew was _intensity_ , and then how warm Axel was. Axel was going slow and wasn't even halfway inside yet, letting him adjust.

“I won't move... Not until you want me to...”

“Mn.” Roxas was trying not to stiffen, his body still trying to convince his brain he was being invaded. Nodding, he brought his head forward to rest on Axel's shoulder.

Then his father's voice popped back into his head and Roxas lifted his eyes, darting them towards the door. He was convinced he'd just heard something.

“Rox-?” Axel wrapped an arm around him.

“Nothing...” Roxas looked away, but he couldn't stop thinking about it now. He'd gone tense.

“If something's wrong...” Axel was a little strained, the promise of a warm, slick place to thrust into a vicious tease.

Then Roxas was suddenly too tight, and a stab of pain felt _wrong_.

“I can't -”

Axel withdrew himself immediately. Aching and embarrassed all at once, Roxas turned away from him.

“Sorry,” he mumbled.

Axel leaned forward and kissed the corner of his lips. “Don't be... Are you okay?”

Drawing away again, Roxas grabbed the first thing he could hide his face under. His voice was muffled by the pillow. “I'm so stupid...”

Alarmed now, Axel swallowed awkwardly. “I missed something.”

He hated that Axel was blaming himself for this, but Roxas was too embarrassed to gather words. Axel considered touching him, but thought he shouldn't.

“... Want clothes?”

Roxas shook his head.

“... Buying into my nudist idea?”

The groan was audible from under the pillow.

“Is that a maybe?”

Roxas finally sat up, still unable to look at him.

“Look... You're freaking me out a little,” Axel admitted.

“Sorry.” Roxas had a blotchy kind of blush on his face. “Can we... go back to watching stuff, or something?”

“Yeah, we can do that.” Axel sat up to discard the condom.

“Cool...”

Getting up, Axel first went to wash his hands, and Roxas rubbed his arm uncomfortably as he watched him go. He tried to position himself in some way that didn't make the ache flare up.

Coming back to the bed, Axel stooped to pick up the laptop and sat back down. The movie had ended, leaving them in silence.

“Axel...”

“Uh – yeah?” Axel double-clicked the folder of movies, then paused.

“I'm fine. I just kind of... choked...”

Axel shrugged. “I think this was probably a bad idea.”

“Don't.” Roxas swallowed. “... I'm sure about wanting this... It'd be fine if I could just stop _thinking_ about everything.”

“Sex is kind of supposed to take care of that _for_ you,” said Axel.

“Maybe if you're thinking things a bit less related to-... fuck, wrong word to use...” Roxas ground his palm into his forehead.

Axel really didn't mean to snicker. At Roxas's look of disbelief, he said, “Sorry. It's not actually funny.”

With a shake of his head, Roxas mumbled, “Maybe later we can... try again...”

“If you want,” Axel hesitated. “Or, uh. If you _do_ still want to do stuff later... Maybe not... _this_. I like blowing you just fine.”

“So, you don't want to?”

“I _want_ to not be second-guessing and freaking you out.”

Roxas went quieter. “Does that mean we're waiting to end this, or are we still...?”

“... I don't know,” Axel looked torn. “What if you're never really ready? We can't put off ending it forever.”

“Can't put it off longer than six days.” Roxas met his eyes with wide, worried ones.

“And it's crowded, at home.”

“Yeah. And Sora's nosy as hell.”

“He might not give us a hard time,” Axel tried. “He seems alright.”

Roxas raised his eyebrows. “You think he'd be chill about _this?_ ”

“Maybe? He's got his... Riku.” It took Axel a second to place the name. “He might be sympathetic.”

His gaze leveled. “And those two things are somehow re-... similar?”

“Maybe? He's keeping _his_ boyfriend secret, maybe he'll – not that we're...”

Roxas didn't latch to the implication; he was busy sorting something else out. “Since when was Riku Sora's boyfriend?”

“... Did you seriously not get that?”

“They've been friends, like, since they were born. That's all.”

“I will bet you money that they're at _least_ friends with benefits.”

Roxas's eyes narrowed slightly. “... How much money?”

“Fifty bucks.”

That was steep enough to make Roxas balk, but he started to grin. “Fine, you're on.”

“Sweet. Easiest fifty I've ever made.”

“Whatever you say,” Roxas snorted, and leaned forward to scroll through the movies again. “What d'you wanna watch?”

“Maybe something with a real plot,” Axel suggested.

“I can do that.” Briefly, Roxas hesitated while he tried to figure out if it was a bad idea to lean into Axel, but slowly did so anyway. Without thinking, Axel put an arm around his waist.

They were both still pretty aware of their nudity, but things were approaching their comfort zone again.

They didn't end up doing anything else, that night. And they only had six days left.


	38. Chapter 38

Roxas had only stopped at home long enough to change his clothes and tell Zack where he was going next. In one part, it was to avoid Axel – he wasn't sure how to _act_ around him when they back at home together, sharing a room, trying to be normal, knowing what they'd done or tried to do.

It was mostly because he needed Namine.

He texted her and took off on his skateboard, which he regretted every time he kicked off against the ground. The motion was a painful reminder of his stretched muscle, an uncomfortable twinge that went halfway up his spine. It took her a while to text back, and he was relieved when she did, though he hadn't doubted she would see him.

_[Namine. 12:52 PM] 'Marluxia is home, so we should probably talk outside. Just come right over.'_

_[Roxas. 1:08 PM] 'coming up the driveway'_

He didn't knock or ring the doorbell, not wanting to alert Marluxia to his presence. He just waited at the door, waiting with forced patience for Namine to come outside.

She opened it just a crack before pulling it the rest of the way. Immediately, she bit her lip, discouraged by the miserable expression on Roxas's face.

“Hi...”

“Hey, Nam,” Roxas greeted gloomily.

“We should go to the garden,” Namine suggested, slipping out the door. “We'll have privacy...”

With a nod, Roxas jerked his head towards the garden and stepped back. Namine had brought her sandals out and took a moment on the front step to put them on, then followed his out around the massive yard.

Neither one of them spoke for a while, until they were wandering the maze of short hedges around the back. When Roxas didn't start, Namine quietly asked, “Are you okay?”

“You know the answer already, don't you?”

“You wouldn't be here if you were,” Namine confirmed.

Roxas paused, a small part of him wounded by the implication. “I might still come over.”

“Right before the wedding? You're bound to be busy... Either helping, or with Axel.”

He hung his head. “... You're right.”

“So... what happened?” Namine inquired, brow creased with concern.

Thinking about it seemed to cause Roxas pain. He bit his lip, eyes downcast.

“... Roxas... Is it over?”

“I think so,” he muttered, gripping both his arms.

“You 'think'?” Namine looked all the more fretful.

“We didn't really... talk about it,” Roxas confessed, sounding strained.

Namine's face fell. “What?”

“It... Some stuff happened and it was too awkward to talk about.”

“You can tell me... I'm not going to be shocked.”

Holding himself tighter, Roxas was almost too quiet to be heard. “We tried to...”

“Tried?” Namine repeated. Roxas had started to blush, now.

“It didn't really... work.”

Of all the things Roxas could have said to worry her, that was probably among the top of the list. “What went wrong?”

Deeply uncomfortable describing any part of this to her, let alone giving a play by play of his fuck ups, Roxas hand-waved his explanation. “I panicked? Do I really have to go into detail?”

“Just – did he hurt you?”

“No-... not _hurt_ , and not on purpose...”

Namine relaxed marginally, though she was still chewing her lip.

“I mean, it was kind of uncomfortable, and it hurt for a bit right before we stopped, but it was my fault-... Fuck, I'm such an idiot...” Roxas's lip quivered slightly, embarrassingly vulnerable. His eyes stung with shame, and he didn't even know what it was he should be ashamed _about_ – screwing up their night, having done anything to begin with, or coming crying to Namine about it. “I couldn't stop thinking about my family, and the wedding, and the time left...”

“You're under a lot of stress,” Namine said softly.

Roxas couldn't keep his voice from shaking, now. “I thought I could go through with it. I _wanted_ to. I would never have agreed to it if I thought I'd need to back out, you _know_ I wouldn't -”

Namine took his hand. “I do know.”

Squeezing it, Roxas's head swam with questions that all felt too needy, too stupid. What he wound up asking was, “Was this a huge mistake...?”

“... If it's brought you any happiness, any at all... Then no.”

Roxas pressed his other hand to his eyes. “I-I don't know...”

“It seems to me like it's brought you a lot more stress and misery than happiness,” Namine shared her opinion reluctantly, only speaking loud enough for Roxas to hear. “And I don't think it's over.”

“We-... I don't have a choice anymore,” Roxas evaded, muffled.

“You didn't get your closure,” she murmured. “You couldn't resist up until now.”

“Well, what am I supposed to do?” he asked, bringing the conversation around to what he really needed to hear. He needed Namine's insight, her objectivity, her empathy.

“I really don't know.”

Roxas lifted his eyes from his hands to stare at her.

“I'm sorry,” she said, glancing at the ground. “I can't tell you what will make you happy, what's right, or what will fix things.”

He was floored. He'd never known Namine to _not_ have answers.

“... There's no hope for me, then, is there?”

“I don't meant that,” Namine sighed. “... Roxas... You _and_ Axel have to decide what to do.”

“I don't think being alone together with Axel _at all_ is a good idea anymore...”

“You can't decide on your own and not consult him, though,” Namine told him. “Don't just ignore this and hope it goes away.”

Roxas shrugged. “I haven't got any better ideas...”

“But unless Axel does the same thing, it doesn't even have a chance of working,” Namine debated.

“He might,” Roxas replied weakly.

“Then make sure. Talk to him.”

As they reached the gazebo, Roxas let his knees give and dropped onto it, a little flare shooting up the bottom of his spine in consequence. He barely winced. “Talking to Axel isn't like talking to you,” he said, trying to formulate an argument as to why just talking to him wouldn't work.

They'd end up fighting. They'd end up kissing. They'd end up going in circles, getting frustrated, getting depressed.

Namine sat down beside him. “What _is_ it like?”

“I dunno... Not even close to sane?”

“I see...”

“And I can't make sense of what I'm thinking the same way... so it never goes the way I meant to,” Roxas continued. Now that he said it, every other instance of trying to talk seriously to Axel was in perspective; he'd gone in every time with a picture in his head, a direction to go in, and found himself blindsided right away. It was nothing Axel even did or didn't do... Or, maybe it was everything Axel did and didn't do.

This was the problem. Roxas just didn't _know_.

“... Would it help if I was there?”

Roxas looked at her. “You'd do that?”

Namine nodded. “Of course I would.”

“That might help...”

“Then whenever you're ready,” Namine vowed. “I'll try to help.”

An unbidden whimper built in Roxas's throat, and he pressed the heel of his palm to his eyes. “Thanks...”

Namine gently patted his shoulder, and managed to pick up on the apology he'd mumbled. “Sorry? What for?”

“For my shitty decisions...”

“Don't apologize. You haven't hurt me,” Namine justified.

“Still, 'm sorry you had to witness it,” Roxas muttered.

Namine just shook her head. To Roxas's incredible self-loathing, he felt a lot like crying, and compensated by grinding his palm into his eye.

“It's okay to cry, you know,” Namine murmured.

Roxas shook his head. Not insisting, Namine just leaned against his shoulder.

“Okay.”

For some reason, that was what broke him. A sob escaped his throat, and Namine didn't say anything. She just let him lean into her in return, and Roxas tried not to think about how pathetic this was, or what Marluxia would say if he saw him right now.

Roxas's palm was burned by the tears he tried to conceal, and they didn't talk at all anymore.


	39. Chapter 39

With only a few days before the wedding, they both understood that when Roxas asked for a drive somewhere, it wasn't the usual kind of code. He was nonspecific as to where he was going, only speaking to give Axel directions and bringing them to a very familiar house.

Waiting on the doorstep, Namine got to her feet when she saw the car pulling up in front.

“So... are you gonna need a pick-up later?” Axel asked, slowing to a stop.

“Actually, I won't be staying for very long,” Roxas muttered.

“Okay...”

Namine approached the backseat and got the car door.

“Like, _really_ not long,” Roxas clarified uncomfortably.

“Hello, Axel...” Namine slid inside and automatically did up her seat belt.

“Alright, I don't take credit cards for fare,” Axel told them tonelessly. “Where to?”

“Anywhere. Or we can just drive around...” Roxas trailed off.

Axel took his foot off the brake pedal and pulled back onto the street. “What's actually going on?”

“Namine, she-...” Roxas glanced behind him. “Wants us to... talk.”

“I'm just here to facilitate,” Namine informed Axel, who groaned.

“We couldn't have done this in private?”

“You know what would happen if we did,” Roxas argued. Axel sighed.

“You know I know about your situation,” Namine started, “and I doubt you've been able to get any other perspective, so... I thought it might help.”

Reluctantly, Axel decided being stubborn and refusing wouldn't do anyone any good. “There isn't actually much to talk about. The wedding's in three days.”

“That's what I thought,” Roxas agreed.

“So you both think things will definitely end, after your parents get married,” Namine observed.

“It has to,” Axel responded automatically.

“You both keep saying that. 'It has to' doesn't mean it _will_ ,” Namine pointed out.

“It'd be much worse if it _doesn't_ ,” Roxas insisted, as though anyone was arguing that fact.

“If we got caught...” Axel shifted in discomfort.

“But will you stop thinking about ways to get around that?” Namine questioned.

“Implying we're thinking of ways _now?_ ” Axel countered.

“That's what you've been doing all this time...” Namine pointed out.

“It's still different,” Roxas said. “After things are set in stone...”

Namine finished it for him. “You'll think more creatively. Make more excuses. If you can think of ways to be together, you will, and you'll chalk it up to 'this one lapse'. Or, if it happens enough, 'we might as well'.”

Roxas squirmed in discomfort, seeing how it could happen too easily. “Still, the alternative...”

“Is what?” Namine prompted.

As though it was obvious, Roxas started, “It's-... Well, it's-...” he changed tactics. “Things could only get this far _because_ they had to stop eventually.”

“You didn't answer the question. What's the alternative?” Namine asked patiently.

Axel, who'd lapsed into silence, found his voice again. “To sneaking around? _Not_ sneaking around. Seems straightforward.”

Roxas glanced at him, momentarily confused. It had sounded like he meant being _open_ , but he knew that couldn't be it.

“By which you mean stopping, or telling the truth?” Clearly, Namine wasn't sure how to interpret that, either.

“Stopping,” Axel corrected hastily. “Obviously. We come clean, and we'd be breaking up the 'family'...”

Roxas relaxed a little. “If you do end up getting a dorm like you said...”

“Then we wouldn't even have to see each other,” Axel concluded. “No temptation, right?”

“Or a private place for you both to be together. You can't tell me you haven't thought of it like that,” Namine disagreed.

Roxas was momentarily silenced. “It wouldn't be that easy. I'd have to be signed in every time, and get transport there... and we'll both be too busy...”

“I've still thought about it,” Axel confessed quietly.

Roxas said nothing to that.

“... I don't want either of you to take this the wrong way,” Namine began cautiously. “I've already told Roxas. But, I think this can only go two ways. One, you stay home and eventually you two _do_ things because you never stop being exposed to each other and you'll never really get a sense of closure. Two, you move out, and you both start finding reasons to be alone at your dorm until it's clear why you're both really there.”

“... Huh.” Axel was kind of speechless.

“Either one is bound to get us caught, eventually...” Unintentionally, Roxas sort of confessed to a fear that'd been in the back of his mind for a while. “Unless we get sick of each other, or it becomes too weird, and we end up stuck together as exes...”

“No way,” Axel denied unthinkingly.

“... Axel?” Namine prompted.

“I mean...” Axel was kind of caught. “We're friends, right? Even if we were exes, nothing could be worse than how we started off. Now... I think we're kind of... past that. Besides,” he lowered his voice, “I don't see why I'd get sick of you. Drama aside, you're fun.”

Roxas was sort of _more_ alarmed by the implication.

“... If anything would be an issue, it's the weirdness factor,” Axel tried to backtrack.

“Yeah... Going to be a lot more family stuff from now on,” Roxas muttered.

“Which you could be excluded from, if you told the truth.”

“... You're hilarious,” Axel, had he not been driving, would have stared at her. Roxas, on the other hand, knew she was serious.

“Being honest will save you a lot of pain and stress,” Namine told them. “You might have a chance of being _happy_ together -”

“Hell no. Absolutely not,” Axel cut her off.

“More likely they'll split to keep us apart and be miserable,” Roxas agreed.

“My mom would have yet another reason to hate me _and_ she'd think she failed as a mother.”

“Will you just hear me out?” Namine persisted.

Roxas folded his arms, and didn't argue. Axel's silence was all the invitation she would get.

“I've given this a _lot_ of thought. If you told the truth before the wedding, you can talk this out like reasonable people. Your mother and your father seem really committed to this family, and they're in love. And, for now, you haven't done anything really wrong. Axel, you're older and you could get in trouble for that, but you haven't technically broken any consent laws – I've done the research and the law very rarely prosecute teenage relationships. In the worst case scenario you'll have to stop messing around with each other, and your parents may be upset but they'll get over it. There'll be no more hiding who you are.” Namine's voice dropped in volume, a little. “They're good people, it seems a shame not to treat them like they are. … In the best case scenario, who knows what might happen. Maybe you can be together without all the guilt. I don't know. But, on the flipside to all of this... There's only misery. There's hiding, or there are 'what ifs' and feeling like you've missed something. And when you give in... because honestly, I think you will, I'm sorry... When you give in, you could get caught, with _real_ repercussions. _That_ is what would break up your parents' marriage. They wouldn't come to terms so easily.”

Axel had pulled over partway through Namine's speech, and was just leaning against the steering wheel. Roxas was speechless, eyes developing a telltale sting.

“... You have a really small window where telling them is an option at all,” Namine murmured. “I'm scared that you'll miss the chance and be stuck.”

Rather than look at either of them, Roxas stared out the window. He felt like he'd backed himself into a corner where the only option was to disappear.

Axel considered what running away would be like.

After several moments, Namine lowered her eyes, anxious. “... Um... I'm done talking.”

Guilty that he couldn't think of something to break the silence, Roxas cast his mind around for anything to say. “... Do you want to head back, then?”

“... Sure...”

Wordlessly, Axel put his foot on the brake and the car back in drive, turning onto the street.

“... I'm-... I'm really sorry. Maybe this was a mistake...” Namine wrung her hands.

“It's not your mistake,” Roxas mumbled. He wondered how long it would take anyone to notice if he slipped away right after the wedding.

The drive back to the house was too slow, a thick atmosphere of discomfort lingering in the car. Axel was trying to focus on driving and nothing else, like he was alone in the car, and Roxas stared out the window without really seeing anything.

Axel left the car running outside Marluxia's house, and Namine undid her seat belt.

“... There's, um. One last thing.”

Roxas glanced up.

“I don't have much of a family – my foster parents are nice people, but family is... difficult. I love Roxas like a brother, Axel... and I care about what happens to you, too, so... Whatever you both choose, I hope it works out.” Namine opened the car door.

“Thanks, Namine,” Roxas said weakly. Intentional or not, she'd just taken him on a guilt trip.

Axel just said nothing, not knowing how he'd respond anyway. They waited for Namine to get back inside the house before he drove them away, a little slumped in his seat.

There was another minute of quiet, and then Axel blurted out, “You think we'll break up?”

Roxas needed a second to process that and recover from shock. “... We'd have to be dating to break up.”

Axel made a frustrated sound. “You know what I meant.”

“I can't imagine it not ending somehow, if it doesn't happen now,” Roxas shrugged helplessly.

“... Yeah. I mean... Yeah.”

“So... all things considered, it's better to do it now... since it's mutual and everything.”

“... Just to check,” Axel hesitated, “You don't _like_ me or anything. Romantically. Do you?”

“... Why are you asking that now?” Roxas's throat was tight.

“Can you just answer?”

For a moment, Roxas occupied himself with kicking under the dash. “I don't know.”

That... hadn't been the answer Axel expected. “... Oh.”

“... You?” Roxas wasn't sure he actually wanted to know.

Axel let out an explosive exhale. “... I don't know, either.”

“We should leave it at that, then, yeah? Better not to know...”

“Probably,” Axel said, though he'd lied. “Which means we shouldn't tell them. No need.”

“Yeah. Well, that was never going to happen, anyway...”

“You have eccentric friends.”

Roxas managed an affectionate smile. “But you have to appreciate she's the only person who could find out about this and be cool with it.”

Axel snorted. “Yeah, that's pretty... something.”

“'Least it gives me someone to complain to...”

“Especially since this'll get... less complicated, I guess, but... You know,” Axel finished lamely.

“Yeah, I know.” After another minute of quiet, Roxas spoke up, “Hey, Axel...”

“Yeah...?”

“Since we're not going to get another second alone before the wedding... I dunno, do you want to hang out for a bit? Try to get the closest thing we can to closure?”

“... That'd be good. Don't think anyone's expecting us,” Axel agreed.

Roxas exhaled. “What do you think, ice cream?”

“Best thing, in times of stress,” Axel verified. Roxas grinned very slightly, and Axel turned the car to start heading towards the nearest ice cream place. “... I'm trying to think of a conversation topic that doesn't include the wedding...”

“Might be pointless,” Roxas muttered.

“... How about we talk about how everyone in your family is definitely not straight?”

“Is this about Sora again?” Rolling his eyes, Roxas gave Axel a look.

“This makes three for three,” Axel started to grin. “Zack, Ven, Sora.”

“Ven is the only one you know for sure,” Roxas argued.

“Hey, my intuition is spot-on.”

“Says you.”

“Deny all you want. _I_ know,” Axel claimed.

“I'll believe it when you bring me proof.”

“Do you really want proof for your dad?”

“I meant Sora,” Roxas grimaced. “Gross.”

“See, that's why I checked.”

“You're not gonna get proof from my dad, anyway.”

“Proof is right in front of us,” Axel insisted.

“You're still on about him and Cloud, huh?”

“Admittedly, everyone is gay for Cloud.” Axel's eyes flickered to Roxas's dubious expression. “You're exempt. He's so hot, though.”

“Dude, he's still my uncle. He's almost _your_ uncle,” Roxas sighed, and wished he hadn't said the latter part.

“That doesn't mean I've gone _blind_. If it helps, I think you're hotter.”

Roxas groaned. “Less weird, more confusing.”

“Why confusing?”

“'Cause he's older and like... filled out.”

Axel purred. “Yeah. … But, he's too stoic.”

“So I'm fun in comparison?”

“You're _especially_ fun in comparison.” Axel pulled into the parking lot. “Ice cream... Did you bring cash, by the way?”

Roxas, who had been considering ordering the biggest thing they had, stopped. “Uh...”

“I'll spot you,” Axel snorted. “You owe me, though. Plus interest.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Roxas said, faintly embarrassed. “I'll pay you back when we get home.”

“I don't want _money_. I want more ice cream bars.”

They left the car and started walking up towards the parlor. “And I want... one of your kidneys,” Axel declared.

“Oh great, _now_ I feel secure in my decision to sleep in your room.”

“You can survive without a kidney!”

“What if you take my lucky kidney?” Roxas protested.

“I wouldn't do that,” Axel said, getting the door. “I'd double-check.”

Roxas grumbled. “Maybe they're _both_ lucky...”

Since he wasn't paying for his own, Roxas had copied Axel and got a single bar of sea salt ice cream, the two of them returning to the car to find somewhere to park instead of eating at the ice cream place. Roxas decided to wait before unwrapping his, but Axel did no such thing, holding the bar in his mouth while he got the keys out of his tight pants pocket.

“Want me to get that for you?” Roxas raised an eyebrow.

“Hmm-nm.”

“I can't even tell if that was a yes or not.”

Axel waved a hand and unlocked the car doors, getting in and removing the stick of ice cream from his mouth. “I said 'no thanks',” he explained, and licked his lips.

Roxas tried not to zero in on that. “Oh.”

“Where should we go?”

“I dunno. Anywhere empty.”

“I'll drive, you keep an eye out,” Axel agreed, putting the bar back in his mouth to put both hands on the wheel. He started the car up to take them back out of the busy parking lot.

“You're gonna drip all over yourself,” Roxas informed him.

Axel obliviously protested.

“Do you really not trust me to hold your ice cream?”

Axel waited to take it out of his mouth before he tried talking again. “I don't know that I trust you not to eat it.”

“You can keep mine as a hostage, if you're that worried.”

“... Will you hold mine out for me to lick while I'm driving?”

“Then you'll just get it all over your face,” Roxas snorted.

“... Fuck.”

“Chill. I'll find somewhere for us soon. You won't be apart for long.”

Grudgingly, Axel handed it over. Roxas took it and needed to exercise a significant amount of self-control not to lick it immediately, just to be a jerk.

“... You want to lick it, don't you.”

“That is vicious slander, how dare you.”

“Don't do it.”

Deciding to be a bit of a dick, Roxas brought the ice cream much closer to his mouth.

“I can see you doing it, I will turn this car around.”

Roxas parted his lips and let them hover less than an inch from the bar.

“ _Roxas_.”

“I'm not licking it.”

“You're _threatening_ my ice cream.”

“It's perfectly safe,” Roxas reassured him unconvincingly.

“You bastard. You're playing a sick game, you know.”

Roxas grinned. “Hey, do you think that parking lot would work...?”

“Yeah, think so,” Axel agreed, flicking his turning signal.

“Cool.” Roxas lowered the ice cream, but not before licking a drip off his hand.

Axel only kind of glimpsed his tongue. “I _knew it!_ ”

“What? It dripped on me. Anything that lands on my skin is fair game.”

“You orchestrated that.”

“I did not,” Roxas said. “It was a byproduct.”

Axel grumbled as he found a parking spot. “I've never been so betrayed.”

“You'll never recover,” Roxas agreed.

“Probably not.” Axel put the car in park.

“Want it back?”

“ _Yeah_.” Axel held Roxas's back out to him.

Roxas eyed it. “Swap on three?”

Axel nodded slowly. “On... two...”

“Three.” Snatching his own, Roxas gave Axel's back.

“Mm, baby, I _missed_ you...” Axel gave the bar a long lick. Roxas felt his cheeks get warm.

“Get a room.”

“I would if I could.”

Roxas got the door for himself. “I'll give you guys a minute.”

Axel pretended to moan as he put the ice cream back in his mouth, watching Roxas shut the door again and go around to hoist himself onto the hood. After a moment, he got out to join him, and the two of them licked their ice cream and stared up at the sky.

The sun had nearly dipped below the horizon, tinting their surroundings orange and pink, brilliant in some places, delicate in others. The long shadows the two of them made streaked along the otherwise uninterrupted pavement. The hot buzz of summer air which had lingered all day was finally starting to wane as cool evening breezes drifted in. Here it was warm. Here it was quiet.

They both thought. They were trying not to think, but it happened nonetheless.

Summer would be over soon, and for them something more would die with it.

When the silence stretched onto the point of being significant, Roxas began to feel time slipping away while he did nothing, and launched into the first topic he could think of. “Barely have any time after the wedding before school starts again...”

“... Fuck. Yeah,” Axel groaned. “I was thinking more seriously about residence. Thought I'd ask soon.”

“Think there's still going to be space?”

“Never know unless I try,” Axel shrugged.

“Wonder if your mom will be upset, since it's only been a year since she bought a whole new house with a room for you.”

“Maybe she could turn it into a guest room. Then she'd have an excuse to invite Cloud over, too.”

“She'll probably think of something to do with it, yeah,” Roxas nodded.

“If she'll even let me apply. She might not.”

“Dad might advocate for you,” Roxas said. “He's big on life experience, adventure and independence and whatever else.”

“Heh, maybe. Mom's surprisingly stubborn though.”

“Guess we'll see who wins.”

“We could put money on them,” Axel suggested.

“I can place the money I win on the Sora bet,” Roxas smirked.

Axel snorted. “And fall further in debt.”

“We'll see.” Roxas put ice cream back in his mouth.

Axel glanced at him at the wrong time, looking away from his mouth quickly and watching the sky begin to dim now as the sun sank lower and lower.

“... Wish we had a view from higher up,” Axel commented.

“Hm?”

“To watch the sunset. Bet it's prettier without all these buildings in the way,” Axel explained.

“Oh.” Roxas hadn't realized Axel would be having sentimental thoughts along the same lines. “Yeah, well... what can you do. We probably shouldn't stay long enough to watch the whole thing, anyway.”

“... Can I tell you one thing?” Axel didn't wait for an answer. “I don't regret anything about us. Even the fucked up parts. Had to take the bad with the good, and... I liked the good.”

Part of Roxas wished he could have stopped Axel from talking, and part of him was glad he hadn't. “... There's some parts I wish I could take back.”

“... Guess I can't blame you...”

“Not, like-...” Roxas cleared his throat. “Like the time I ran over to Namine's and you were with-... Yeah.”

Very inappropriately, Axel almost laughed. “... If it helps, I'd take back every time I ever slept with Marluxia. You're right, I can do better.”

Roxas smiled weakly. “If that's the one thing that sticks with you from this, that's good enough for me...”

Axel considered kissing him, and went back to his ice cream instead.

“It's weird,” Roxas said quietly, staring out at the sunset. “Feels like one of us is leaving forever or something. But it's not like that. You'll still be there every day, or at least holidays and maybe some weekends...”

For reasons he wouldn't explain, Axel felt briefly guilty. “... I know what you mean.”

“There's still plenty of things we can do just the same as before. And I like doing those things. I like being your friend...” Roxas tapped his heel against the front of the hood. “And, honestly, I can get over the sex parts. Probably.”

“... Friends is good.” Axel grinned faintly.

“... Yeah.” He was glad he hadn't had to finish that thought, a little terrified of where it was going. “Way better than brothers, anyway.”

“Who needs brotherhood.” Axel looked up. “No offense, Ven.”

“Ven's an exception,” Roxas grinned. “And I draw the line at being attracted to my flesh-and-blood twin.”

Axel snorted so emphatically that he nearly tipped off the hood of the car. “Shit-!”

“Axel-!”

Both sticks of ice cream fell as Roxas grabbed for him with both hands, Axel gripping his arm to keep from slipping right off. As Axel stared down at the remainder of the ice cream, Roxas attempted to haul him back to a 'safe zone'.

“God, there's a time and a place to be theatrical.”

“My baby,” Axel mourned.

“Oh my god.” Making sure he wasn't going to fall again, Roxas let go and sprawled on the hood, catching his breath.

Axel started to snicker. “... You saved my life, though. You're a hero.”

“Yeah, but was it really worth the cost?” Roxas indicated the long streak that was once his ice cream, disappearing over the edge of the hood.

“We should go get replacements,” Axel suggested, but Roxas was reluctant to leave.

“Maybe...”

“Whenever we head back,” Axel glanced at him.

“... Good, yeah. We could probably avoid questions if he get some for Sora and Ven, too,” Roxas suggested.

“Good thinking.”

Axel planned when they went silent again, and Roxas opened his mouth a couple of times, considering telling Axel the plans that were slowly filling up his own head. He always came back to the conclusion that telling him would just make him sound hopeful for something, though, and that was just wishful thinking.

“... We should go,” Axel finally said. “It's getting late.”

Roxas had the miserable feeling he'd missed his chance to do _anything_. “... You're right,” he muttered, starting to slide down. Axel got up to get back in the car.

Impulsively, Roxas followed him to the driver's side and caught his shirt. Their kiss was clumsy and faltering until they remembered their natural rhythm, kissing each other back as Axel wrapped his arms around Roxas tighter than meant to.

Despite his usual shamelessness, Axel reddened as they pulled away from each other. “... Sorry.”

Fascinated to see him blushing, Roxas tried to linger when Axel caught his lips again. The hand in his shirt wrapped around his side, squeezing once.

For a second, Axel considered kidnapping him. Getting in the car, driving away with Roxas.

They parted, perhaps realizing at the same time that they couldn't keep going, and Roxas stared down at the ground.

“... We're getting depressing,” Axel said with false casualness. “Ice cream, right?”

Glancing up, Roxas forced a slight grin. “Yeah.”

They turned away from each other to go back around and get into the car. Roxas buckled himself up, staring at the pale blue streak on the hood.

Until it rained, or until Axel washed his car, that would be the only thing left of their relationship. It was something so stupid and temporary.

Axel drove from the parking lot, and began fitting his plan together.


	40. Chapter 40

Cloud had a daily routine which started early in the morning, with a quick jog around the neighborhood to get refreshed after a commonly restless night. He was the first one up in the house, and the first one to see the note attached to the inside of the front door.

His plans took an unpleasant turn, and he marched himself back upstairs towards Zack and Aerith's bedroom.

The knock made Zack jump, sitting at attention with bleary eyes. “Huh-?”

Recognizing the knock as Cloud's, Aerith pushed off her sleep mask and hastily sat up, calling, “Come in...”

Cloud opened the door and strode forward, and Aerith could tell immediately that something was wrong. She pushed the covers aside and let her legs drape to the floor, a little too disoriented to stand.

Zack, having no such powers of perception so early in the morning, sleepily greeted him. “Morning...”

“What is it...?” Aerith inquired, and took the note Cloud wordlessly handed to her.

_'Mom_

_I'm sorry about this. I know it's really unlikely, but try not to stress too much over this, even though it’s really inconvenient timing. Again, sorry. Maybe it's because things are so crazy around here, but I've just hit a point where I can't lie anymore. I'm incurably and undoubtedly homosexual. That's not because you raised me to be or anything – it's not your fault, and neither is any of the other shit I pull. It's just one more thing I'm doing wrong though and I can't stand it anymore. I'm leaving before I become any more of an embarrassment to this family. I have everything I need, and I'll be safe, so don't look for me._

_Axel'_

Aerith's expression changed rapidly, from confusion to shock to horror. She lost all color, falling forward into Cloud, who caught her.

“Should I call someone?”

More alert, Zack started to get out of bed. “What's going on?”

“Yes-... we should-... the police,” Aerith stammered, having trouble understanding everything she'd just been presented with. “And we need to get out there...”

“The _police?_ ” Though he didn't understand yet, Zack quickly grabbed his phone.

“Axel's run away,” Cloud explained.

“What?!”

“He just left... There's this.” Aerith handed Zack the note, looking up at Cloud. “Where did you find this, and when?”

“Taped to the front door. I only just found it now.”

Aerith started to get up shakily. “Someone should tell the boys...”

“We should ask them if they know anything. You sit, I'll wake them,” Cloud told her, keeping calm.

Now that the shock was wearing off, Aerith's eyes had started to fill with tears. “Thank you,” she said, but couldn't sit down again. She remained standing, looking to Zack.

He was talking on the phone to the police, giving them a description. He reached one hand out to her, and brought Aerith into his arms in time for her to collapse and cry quietly.

“We'll find him,” Zack murmured, once he'd hung up with the police. “It'll be okay...”

“Why would he just _take off?_ ” Aerith sobbed.

“...I don't know... We'll ask him, when we find him.”

“He didn't say _anything_ before... this.” She was having a hard time, underneath all her fear, not feeling a _little_ annoyed that he chose to do this now.

“Maybe that's why... Things get bottled up, kids do rash things... Can I see the letter?”

Aerith nodded, turning around and wiping at her eyes. “Oh, I... dropped it on the bed somewhere...”

Cloud's first stop was Roxas's room, where Sora and Ven were sleeping. Sora got tangled in his sheets in his attempt to bolt upright, knowing the knock to usually mean he was in trouble.

“Dad? What?”

Ven woke more calmly, lifting his head and blinking.

“Axel's run away. Get dressed, everyone downstairs,” Cloud instructed. Ven sat up, more awake.

“Run away? Axel's gone?”

Cloud had scarcely nodded before Ven had bolted up to start getting dressed in whatever clothing he found.

Zack finished reading Axel's parting letter, and handed it back to Aerith with an awkward, “Oh.”

“I don't know _what_ to think, but running away...?” she took it back in both hands, tears dropping onto the paper.

“Well,” Zack muttered. “He's obviously had a lot on his mind...”

“And he'd rather _this_ than talk to me?” Aerith shook her head.

“Coming out is hard. He was scared,” Zack said quietly.

“But he-...” Aerith straightened up and wiped her eyes. “It doesn't matter. We just have to find him.”

“We will. I'll get dressed.”

Cloud didn't knock on Axel's door right away. First, he put in a quick call to Sephiroth, and he knocked on the door to wake Roxas after he'd hung up the phone.

“Roxas. Axel's run away.”

Roxas had only just sat up, and felt his blood go cold. He stared at his uncle, who was standing in the doorway with a severe expression. “What?”

“Get dressed. We're going to look for him. Zack already called the police,” Cloud told him, then turned to head downstairs.

Roxas reeled. It took him probably less time than anyone to figure out how and why, and he glanced at Axel's bed, wondering when he'd left and if he could have noticed.

He wasn't surprised, or angry. Really, Roxas had been thinking of doing the same thing. He only wished Axel had told him so he could've gone, too.

Roxas ran into Ven and Sora in the hallway after dressing in yesterday's clothes, and knew they'd already been informed by the looks on their faces. Ven's eyes were huge.

“Do you know why he ran away?” he asked immediately.

“I... have an idea.”

“Why? Does he not want your parents getting married?” Sora guessed, eyes also very round, and was shushed frantically by both twins as they hurried downstairs.

“So I'll take the car and start checking places he'd go – do we know any?” Zack was saying, in a whirlwind by the front door as he got his shoes on and looked for his keys.

“His friend's houses, maybe his school...” Aerith guessed, still very pale.

“We should try Namine's place,” Roxas suggested as they reached the foyer. “She needs to know, anyway.”

“I'll go there first,” Zack decided.

Quietly to Aerith, Cloud said, “You should know I called Sephiroth. He has people who can spread out, find him.”

Aerith, if possible, blanched a little more. “You didn't tell him _why_ , though?”

“Just that we need to find him,” Cloud shook his head.

“Can I go with you?” Roxas asked Zack.

“Yeah – Aerith, you should stay here in case the police come by or someone calls,” Zack barely breathed between words and pocketed his keys.

“Just call me if you find out anything,” Aerith implored him.

“I'll call Terra and Aqua and my Sensei,” Ven proposed. “That's two more cars we can use.”

Aerith pulled him into a tearful hug. “Thank you, sweetie.”

“Sora,” Cloud quietly got his son's attention. “Could you go start on coffee?”

“Aw, can't I help look?”

“Do you have any idea where to start?” Cloud countered. His first priority was the crash of exhaustion that would hit Aerith soon.

“No. But I can go with you!”

“... Alright,” Cloud sighed. “Ven, if you don't mind staying.”

“I don't mind. I'd have to stay until my friends get here, anyway,” Ven said.

“Alright. Sora, let's go.” Cloud kissed Aerith on the cheek. “I'll check in on you.”

“Thank you,” Aerith replied faintly. “Who knows how much time we would have lost if not for you.”

Zack and Roxas were already out in the car, with Roxas texting Axel despite being sure he wouldn't respond and Zack backing out of the driveway.

“Namine's house... That's right, he's friends with her foster brother, huh?”

Roxas barely lifted his head. “Huh – oh... yeah.” Truthfully, he didn't think he'd find Axel there; he certainly wouldn't be anywhere _near_ Marluxia. But Namine was there. He had to tell her, and hope she would know what to do.

“Did you know Axel's gay?”

That got him to look up, and Roxas navigated a brief inner struggle over whether or not he should lie. “... Yeah, I knew. So did Ven.”

“I want you to know, and I'm gonna tell Ven too... If either of you have ever been afraid that you aren't straight, it'll be okay. I'd never be upset with you boys, and there's nothing wrong with being gay.”

With no idea where to even start responding to that, Roxas chose the easiest lie. “I know.”

Zack kept his eyes on the road, driving the familiar route. “Just, I keep thinking about how freaked he must have been, to run away instead of telling somebody...”

“... Yeah. Really freaked,” Roxas muttered, and guilt almost choked him, thinking of what Axel and Namine had both said about his father. “... Dad...”

“Yeah?” Zack turned through a yellow light, narrowly managing to get there before it went red.

He wasn't sure how to ask, or if it was even the right time. “Did you and Mom ever... talk about this stuff?” he asked awkwardly.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, what if-... anyone in our family wasn't straight?” He'd nearly said 'me and Ven', but reconsidered.

“Ah. Well...” Zack hesitated. “To be honest, it wasn't discussed when it came to you two very much, just sort of mentioned. You were just kids, who knows what'll happen in the future? We knew there was a chance one of you or both wouldn't be one hundred percent heterosexual.”

Roxas latched to part of what he'd said. “What do you mean, 'when it came to us'?”

Zack cleared his throat. “Well. Your mother always knew she was straight, but, uh.”

Of course. Of course they'd been right all along. “But?”

“My first serious relationship was actually with a man,” Zack cleared his throat again, almost nervously. “You've seen pictures of him, actually. From when I just joined SOLDIER – Officer Hewley, I've told you about him.”

Roxas did remember him, and his eyes widened. “You-... with him? But didn't he...”

“... Yeah, he died. He was on an away mission.”

Realizing what that meant for the two people his father had loved, Roxas's heart twisted in sympathy. “Oh. Uh... sorry.”

“I met your mother years after that. And I still love them both.” Hastily, Zack added, “Aerith knows, we talked about all that in the very beginning. And it was a little difficult for her, but we're past that.”

It took Roxas a second to get past several emotions, shock chief among them, and then settled on anger. “God, Dad, why didn't you ever tell _us?_ ”

“I didn't know how,” he replied frankly.

“Don't you think that would have been good for _us_ to know? What if you had started dating... Cloud or something, and we got a stepdad instead? Would you just spring that on us?”

Zack coughed, slightly startled. “No, _no_. Honestly... I didn't expect to ever find anyone else, again. Aerith came out of left field.”

Roxas wasn't in the mood to be pacified. “And if _Aerith_ knew, and was okay with it, maybe your kids wouldn't have needed to hide that stuff.” He doubted it would have actually changed the present situation, but he wasn't going to mention that – he was angry for his own sake, for Axel's, for Ven's.

“It isn't up to me to tell Axel that,” Zack replied, a touch defensive. “Just like it wouldn't be up to Aerith to talk to you or Ven. Which, as far as you two went... Ven's never seemed interested at all, and I knew you were dating Namine. Maybe I made an assumption. That's my fault.”

Reddening, Roxas wondered if now was the time to just... tell him.

He decided on a half-truth. “I was never actually dating Namine. I just... thought I was.”

“Oh,” Zack was surprised, then sympathetic. “I'm sorry.”

“I'm over it,” Roxas shrugged. “I was stupid and thought 'cause we're such good friends, she'd be interested in me.”

“Still, that's rough. I'm glad you two are still friends.”

“Yeah... I guess that's lucky.” Roxas lowered his gaze, and got out his phone.

[Roxas. 6:43 AM] 'you were right. dad's bi. he's not mad. please come back.'

They were quiet as they pulled onto the right street, and Roxas watched his phone right until they'd parked. With a sigh, he got out and asked, “Dad, can you ask Namine's parents just to get her?”

“You don't think I should say why?” Zack shut the car door.

“... Maybe tell them later if we don't find him. Namine will be honest if he's here. Marluxia... might not.” Not that it mattered, because there was no way Axel was hiding in such an obvious place.

“If you're sure. I'll trust your judgment,” Zack said, and approached the front door. They had to wait for a bit after ringing the doorbell, and Zack issued apology after apology for disturbing the house at the early hour, but eventually Namine was fetched from upstairs.

She looked surprisingly awake, and came to the front door looking between both Zack and Roxas. “What's happened...?”

“Sorry about this – have you seen Axel anywhere?” Zack asked.

Her face fell. “No...”

Roxas started to feel guilty on Axel's behalf, knowing how disappointed she was about to be. He avoided her eyes.

“I don't know how well you two got to know each other, but... he ran away last night, and we're trying to figure out where he might go,” Zack explained, looking disheartened.

Namine's eyes had started to shine. “... I'm sorry. I don't know him _that_ well... He's need somewhere to sleep, and I don't think he would have gone to a friend's house.”

“You don't?” Zack frowned in thought. Reddening slightly, Roxas glanced up at her and hoped Namine knew that he'd thought the same thing.

“He wouldn't want to get caught and brought home... or have someone talk him into staying... If he has a credit card, maybe you should report it stolen. It would be flagged if he used it, right?”

“Yeah – the police have his plates... At least he took his own car,” Zack sighed.

Roxas shrugged a little as she met his eyes, trying to say he was sorry without words. Once again, though, he was astounded by how quickly she had formed a strategy.

“I wish I knew more... I'm really sorry. If I can help...”

“We'll keep looking,” Zack said. “Thanks.”

“I'll call you if I know anything,” Roxas muttered.

“Thank you...” Namine chewed at her lower lip. The two of them returned to the car.

 

* * *

 

They searched until the sun had set again, and now that Roxas was exhausted, all he wanted was some privacy to try calling Axel.

“Aerith?” Zack opened the door and called out, looking around as though he was hoping to see a 'Welcome home' banner and Axel standing underneath it. Instead, all they were greeted by was Aerith rushing out of the kitchen, looking extremely weary through her hopeful eagerness.

He shook his head, and she wilted. “There's dinner in the fridge for both of you,” she told them, having gone overboard in cooking – she'd needed something to busy herself with, and had essentially gone from preparing one meal to the next.

Ven came out into the hall and gave Roxas a small, miserable hug, looking nearly as worried as Aerith. Roxas let his brother hug him, then murmured, “I'm going up to my room...”

“Alright... Try to eat something before bed,” Zack bade him, then rested a hand on Ven's shoulder. “Hey, I want to talk to you about something.”

“I will,” Roxas started towards the stairs.

“Huh? What's up? Did you find anything?” Ven asked in quick succession.

Zack shook his head. “Just a talk I had with Roxas, and I want to have it with you, too. Let's go to the living room...”

“Uh, okay...” Ven's worry was dialing up, noticing how serious his father seemed, and he followed him to the living room couch. Sitting beside him, he swallowed anxiously, watching Zack and waiting.

“... I've never talked to you about Angeal,” Zack began, once he'd figured out how. “I know I've mentioned him, you might not even remember...”

The name was vaguely familiar. “I think I remember a little...”

“He was one of my commanding officers. My mentor, when I first joined SOLDIER.” Carefully, Zack went on, “He was also my first relationship. Which I guess wasn't technically allowed, but it wasn't... _not_ allowed...”

Ven didn't comprehend, at first. “Your first... like dating?”

Zack nodded. “We were dating for almost two years.” He swallowed; it had been a while since he'd talked about this so much. “Until he went on a mission, and was killed in action.”

Ven's jaw dropped, and he started to tear up when he got the full picture. “So, you...”

“... I was never sure how to talk to you two about it... And after your mother passed away, it didn't seem to matter,” Zack tried not to sound sad. “But I think it's important that you know, and I hope that it's... okay.”

“Dad, that's awful...” Tears slipped from Ven's eyes and he almost leaped onto his dad to hug him. “I'm so sorry...”

“I'm okay,” Zack hugged him back reassuringly, feeling bad for having sprung this on him.

“It's just... really sad. After mom, too...”

“... Losing them both was... I'll be honest, I kind of felt like I was cursed to be alone,” Zack confessed quietly. “But I still had my sons, and that made it easier. And then I met Aerith, and things have been great. They still will be, once we find Axel, but – there's a reason I told you this... I wanted you to know, and I told Roxas too... That you never have to be afraid of being who you are, if you're not straight. I'll get it, honest. I don't want you to feel like you have to run away or hide.”

Ven had been so caught up in the tragedy that he'd nearly missed the sexuality aspect to what Zack was saying, but now that he understood, his lip started to tremble. He hugged Zack tightly again, having significantly less resolve than his twin when it came to secrets. “I'm really sorry...”

“You don't need to be sorry...” Zack held him, and the house of stress and worry broke Ven down into tears. “It's okay...”

“I didn't mean to hide stuff from you,” Ven choked, voice badly muffled.

Zack was only surprised for a second. “If there's something you haven't told me, that's _okay_... This stuff is scary, and I should have told you ages ago that it was alright to tell me...”

“I didn't want you to hate him or tell me I couldn't see him anymore... I didn't want to be mad at you, but I kept secrets instead...”

Zack only knew Ven to have one male friend that close. “Wh-... Terra? You know I like Terra... Are you dating?”

Ven started to nod, but faltered. “Maybe...? We were kind of not sure it'd be okay to, so we didn't want to make it official...”

“Of course it's okay,” Zack soothed. Part of him wanted to protest that Terra was older than Ven, but he realized that he really wasn't one to talk.

“Is it...?” Ven pulled back a little.

“Yeah... I just want you to be happy. You can absolutely date Terra if you want.”

“... Oh.” Ven wasn't sure if he should be happier, since he still mostly felt like crying, but his smile turned into a beam pretty quickly after he'd thought it. “Thanks, Dad.”

 

* * *

 

Shutting the door to Axel's room, Roxas collapsed onto his bed and swiped at the screen of his phone. The conversation window with Axel was backlogged by dozens of unanswered texts, but rather than try to text him again, Roxas hit the button to call him.

There was no answer. That was what he'd expected. Roxas hit the button to call him again.

He'd just harass Axel until he picked up.

To his surprise, though, the phone was answered after one ring.

“ _I'm not coming back._ ”

“Fucking hell, at least you _answered_ ,” Roxas whispered, not wanting anyone to know he got through.

“ _... I was gonna text you. Once I figured out what to say._ ”

“I don't want a prepared speech,” Roxas snapped. “I just want to know where you are, and if you're okay.”

“ _Yeah, I dunno_ ,” Axel replied, stifling a yawn. “ _That's the answer to both of those questions. I've been driving south since eight in the morning, that's the extent of my knowledge.”_

At least he wouldn't be able to answer any questions if someone found out that he'd called Axel. “That's it? That's your plan?”

“ _I've got money, I've got food, I've got my laptop... Some clothes... I'll make it alright_.”

“Why didn't you tell me you were going to do this?” Roxas failed not to sound hurt.

“ _Because you'd want to come with, and_ _ **that'd**_ _be hard to explain if we got caught_.”

“So instead you're just going to... what?”

“ _Find somewhere cheap and far away to live, get a shitty job?_ ”

“And just not see your mom or your friends ever again?” Roxas ignored the hypocrisy, seeing as he'd planned on doing basically the same thing with less forethought.

“ _My friends will move on, and my mom will be_ _ **way**_ _better off. The wedding will cheer her up, she'll have a great new life with you guys and Zack, and there'll be significantly less fuck-ups in her perfect family._ ”

“If you think your mom is just going to move on and be happy-... She's a wreck, and so is Ven. Dad's feeling pretty fucking guilty about this too, but that might be partly my fault.”

“ _It's just day one_ ,” Axel muttered. “ _You know what they say, time heals all wounds...”_

“The wedding's not going to just go ahead with one kid missing,” Roxas argued.

“ _Like hell it won't_.”

“You think they're going to get all dressed up and see their families and smile and all that two days from now? Or... not even.”

“ _They wouldn't cancel_ ,” Axel insisted.

“Yes, they will. And you'll cost them a ridiculous amount of money. Why couldn't you have at least waited 'til after to do this?”

Axel sounded annoyed. “ _Because then they'd have a fuckton of wedding pictures with me in them. I didn't want me mom to start to her awesome new life with me all over it.”_

“Your mom's not going to have an 'awesome new life', jackass,” Roxas bit out, frustrated.

“ _So it might not be awesome. At least she'll have a life where her gay son isn't fucking around with her stepkids.”_

He was momentarily defeated by that. “So, instead she'll just have a life with no kid of her own. She'll settle into _that_ just fine.”

“ _Assuming she doesn't have a kid with Zack? They're not that old, they could.”_

“You think she'll just replace you?” Roxas asked incredulously. “What the fuck is wrong with you?”

“ _You could probably get a list from her, actually_.”

Roxas growled. “You know, she knew about my dad.”

“ _... Okay, and?”_

“Apparently she's cool with it – at least, the fact that my dad _has_ dated a guy.”

“ _Called it._ ”

“Yeah, yeah, I know. But the _point_ is...”

“ _I told you before. My mom wouldn't have a problem with anyone else, just me._ ”

“You wouldn't know that unless you told her,” Roxas countered.

“ _And I did. Seemed like a good time.”_

“So instead of waiting around to find out her reaction, you're going to let her blame herself for the rest of her life?”

“ _I_ _ **told**_ _her not to..._ ”

“When has that _ever_ worked?” Roxas pointed out.

“ _I wouldn't know. This is my first time telling the truth and bailing._ ”

“Well, now she gets to feel like a shitty parent no matter what she thinks. Great.”

“ _So you think I should've stayed?_ ” Axel muttered. “ _And then what?_ ”

“I-... I don't know,” Roxas admitted. “I was thinking of doing the same thing until tonight...”

“ _You were gonna run? … You don't have a car. Or cash. Or a high school diploma._ ”

“I _know_ that.”

“ _That's dumb._ ”

“I didn't say it wasn't!”

Axel sighed. “ _... This just seemed like the best thing for everyone. And I figured running after the wedding would just mean there was more to remind my mom that I'm a fuck-up.”_

“Instead she just gets to either go through her wedding constantly reminded of her only kid not being there, or doesn't get married.”

“ _Guess that's her call. I'm still not coming back._ ”

Roxas hesitated to ask. “... Am I going to see you again?”

Axel was silent.

“... Fine,” he sighed.

“ _I lied when I said I didn't know if I liked you,”_ Axel confessed in a rush. “ _I do_.”

Roxas was struck speechless.

“ _... I like you a lot, actually.”_

“... What does that mean?” Roxas's throat was dry.

“ _It means... I dunno. That I wouldn't just start dating in college? And I can pretty much guarantee, if you move onto someone else, it's gonna hurt._ ” Axel sighed. “ _... It means this isn't_ _ **over**_ _when our parents get married. Not for me._ ”

Roxas sank back onto his bed and stared over at Axel's empty one. Something in his chest ached.

“ _... You don't have to say anything. I should hang up_.”

“... Okay. I'll probably call again soon... Oh,  only fair to tell you – they called your dad.”

“ _ **What?**_ ”

“Yeah,” Roxas muttered. “Cloud called him like... right after he woke us all up this morning.”

Axel sounded unnerved. “ _It's not like he'd care..._ ”

“Well, just so you know, that's another person out looking for you,” Roxas said, not sure how to take that.

“ _Shit. Thanks..._ ”

“No problem. I guess.”

“ _Later_.”

Axel hung up, and Roxas let his phone drop.

All he could really do to keep from crying was fall asleep.


	41. Chapter 41

Around one in the morning, the adults had all but forced each other to go to bed. Cloud had been almost physically coerced to his borrowed room, and Zack had bargained with Aerith in order to convince her to go rest. Just in case of a knock, Zack slept on the living room couch, prepared to leap up and answer the door if someone so much as brushed against it.

No one slept well, though. Aerith kept hearing the sound of a doorbell in her dreams and would be halfway out of bed before realizing she'd imagined it.

When she sat up at the sound of a bell, pale sunlight filtering in through the curtains, she was prepared to lie back down and wait for sleep to take her again. Then, she heard Zack shout.

“Aerith-!”

She felt her heart stop in the instant it took to realize she wasn't dreaming. Aerith bolted out of bed and hurried downstairs.

Distinctly uncomfortable, Axel was silently stuck in the grip of a large, dark man in a black suit and sunglasses, his no-nonsense attitude having successfully triumphed over Axel's flippant attempts at bargaining. He'd tried offering him money to let him get back on the road, only to be told that ShinRa paid an exponential amount more than Axel had on his person.

So, there was nothing else for it.

Zack opened the door, dazed and tired and relieved, and shook the man's hand once Axel was ushered inside.

“The car will be sent later today,” the man evenly informed Zack.

“The c – oh, Axel's car? Thanks... _Thank you_...”

Aerith ran unsteadily down into the hall, tears already falling by the time she had Axel firmly in her arms. A little stiff, Axel barely returned it.

“The General has already informed the police, but as he does not retain custody, you will need to confirm with the police that the boy is home,” the man went on.

“Great... Great, pass on our thanks... And thank you, again...”

Aerith was too distraught and caught up in hugging her son as tight as she could to properly thank the man who'd brought him home.

“... Mom,” Axel wheezed, and she shook her head, refusing to let go. He was stuck trying to figure out how to breathe until she let go.

Pulling back, Aerith held Axel at arm's length to inspect him. “Are you alright? Are you hurt? Have you eaten?”

“I'm fine,” he muttered.

Zack closed the door and slouched against it, exhausted. “... Should I wake the boys? Cloud?”

“We should at least tell them.” Aerith's tone was a little sharper when she turned it back on Axel. Deliberately, he held his head a little higher.

“I'll do that,” Zack said, sidling by to head upstairs.

“Come and sit down,” Aerith instructed Axel.

“I'd rather stand. You can sit, my legs are cramped up.” It wasn't a lie, but it was more for the effect of being stubborn. Axel was not going to cave to guilt right away.

Aerith didn't fight him. “Alright then, stand. But come into the living room, anyway.”

Axel headed to the living room without a word.

Upstairs, Zack knocked on the door to Axel's room to wake Roxas up first. Deeply asleep, he only rolled over and grunted, only lifting his head when the door opened and his father whispered his name.

“Mn...?”

“Axel's home,” Zack told him, keeping his voice down. “You can go back to sleep, but I wanted everyone to know.”

Roxas sat up sharply and kicked the covers off, the news more effective than a splash of cold water. He glanced at the clock, but the luminous numbers in the dark were too much for him to read. “Since when?”

“Just now. I'm about to go tell Ven and Sora.”

“'Kay,” Roxas stumbled out of bed, heart beating almost as fast as it did when he'd learned Axel had left in the first place. “Thanks.”

Downstairs, Aerith had started to pace in the manner that meant Axel was in for a serious lecture, taking some time to choose her words. “First of all-...” she began, her voice too high-pitched. She swallowed, corrected it, and spoke again in a more level tone. “First of all, Axel, I don't want anything I'm about to say to make you think I'm not relieved and incredibly happy to have you home and safe... I am, and nothing can change that.”

“We'll see about that,” Axel uttered under his breath.

Aerith's chest swelled briefly, and she paused to select her words again. “You've pulled a lot of stunts in your life that have made me angry, or embarrassed, or scared me to death... but until this morning, nothing you've done has ever been so _hurtful_ to me.”

Axel said nothing.

Producing the note from the pocket of her housecoat, Aerith held it up. “Would you please explain this to me?”

“... I thought it would be nice if I didn't just up and leave with no explanation?” Axel tried.

“This is what you call an explanation?” Aerith demanded. “Without ever speaking to _me_ about it?”

“Yeah,” Axel replied tonelessly.

Aerith was visibly stunned, amazed that he hadn't even tried to deny it. “How could you?”

Footsteps light enough to be drowned out by Aerith, Roxas crept down the stairs towards the living room.

“Seemed like the best thing to do. This is just one more thing for you to be disappointed by.” Axel shrugged, not looking at her. “So I could talk about it and see you be disappointed again, or I could leave before I mess up anything _else_ in your life.”

Aerith looked like she might cry again. “The only thing you've done to 'mess up' my life was try to take my only son from it. How could losing you ever be a good thing?”

Axel decided it was smarter not to answer that.

“Do you honestly think of me as the sort of person who would turn you out over something like this?”

“ _No_... Not over being gay...” Axel shifted his weight.

“Then why did it have to be this drastic?”

Axel bit down on his real answer. Listening in, Roxas experienced the clammy grasp of terror, thinking Axel was about to confess.

When he said nothing, though, Aerith waved the note and continued. “I'll be honest... I still don't _completely_ know how to feel about this. But if the alternative is _losing_ you, I'll learn how. I love you, and I don't ever want to fail you as a mother...”

“You didn't,” Axel interjected quietly. “You're a great mom.”

She sighed. “I separated from your father to avoid exactly this sort of thing. I didn't want to be this socialite family always concerned with our image. I want you to be _happy_ , not forced into hiding...”

Roxas felt the same horrible wash of guilt that'd become uncomfortably familiar. Axel couldn't say anything, unable to tell her that he was still hiding even now.

“And... I hope this means you won't be running away again. You're not an embarrassment to me. You're my son, and Zack's too, if you want to be.”

Axel couldn't tell her that he didn't want that. He couldn't say that it wasn't Zack's fault without having to explain what the real reason was.

Roxas considered bolting.

Waiting for him to say something, Aerith finally went on, “... Well, in any case, Cloud is going to be sharing with you from now until he leaves.”

“To make sure I don't pull another disappearing act?”

“Yes.”

“Alright, that won't be awkward,” Axel mumbled.

Exhaling, Aerith lost some of her fire. “If you're hungry, you can get something to eat. Zack or Cloud might want to speak to you as well. But what we all need now is some rest.”

“I couldn't sleep if I wanted to,” Axel shrugged, still looking rather blank.

“Still, you should eat something...” Aerith turned, and saw the half-concealed eavesdropper in the living room doorway. “Oh. Roxas, I didn't hear you come in.”

Showing the first visible emotion since his lecture began, Axel jumped and looked around at him. Roxas stared, visibly livid, and Axel glanced away.

Marching the short distance towards him, Roxas balled up his fist on the way and slammed it into Axel's cheek the moment he was close enough.

“ _Roxas!_ ” Aerith yelped, alarmed.

Axel stumbled back, not trying to defend himself from a second blow to his chest, and then Roxas was wrapping him in the tightest hug he was capable of before Aerith had time to rush forward. Axel hugged him back before he really thought it through, shutting his eyes, and the two were past caring about how this looked.

Aerith froze, having been about to pull Roxas away, but now wasn't sure what to think.

Roxas buried himself closer to avoid the temptation to kiss him. He felt like he was imploding. There was too much feeling, building and crushing Roxas underneath it all.

“... Sorry,” Axel muttered.

Making an indistinct noise, Roxas pulled away, eyes alight with anger and hurt.

“Sorry,” Axel repeated.

“I'm going to bed,” Roxas declared with a shrug, and turned to leave the room.

Bewildered, Aerith let him leave, not knowing whether to punish Roxas or not and hoping Zack would have an opinion.

“... I'll go eat,” Axel murmured.

He couldn't go anywhere without his car, but still, Aerith thought it best to ask if Cloud would keep an eye on him. She went over to the stairs, hearing Roxas stamp his way back to Axel's bedroom, and met Zack on the landing.

“There you are,” she breathed, relieved, and tilted her face to let Zack kiss her on the cheek.

“... How're you feeling?” he asked. He'd just finished venting his stress to Cloud, and was prepared for any answer.

“Exhausted. I need to talk to you about Roxas, though...”

“I saw him on my way down. What happened?”

“He... punched Axel,” Aerith paused, still confused, “and then hugged him.”

“... Oh,” Zack replied blankly. “I'll have to have a talk with him.”

“I wasn't sure if that was just the way boys make up, or...”

“Still, he shouldn't be punching anyone, least of all his step-brother,” Zack frowned.

“Good, we agree on that.” Aerith embraced him, sighing into his shoulder. “I only gave Axel half the scolding I should have. I'm just so tired...”

“You can worry about that after the wedding,” Zack said, hugging him.

“I'm glad I still get to marry you tomorrow.”

“So am I – and hey, now that the worst happened, the rest will go off without a hitch,” Zack grinned. Aerith managed a little laugh.

“Don't go jinxing it,” she told him.

Her head was still swimming with stress, but with her family all in one place, she thought she could at least concentrate on the upcoming ceremony and the hectic preparations it called for.

At the top of the stairs, Ven caught Roxas with one hand on his arm, stopping him in his tracks. He and Sora were both milling around the landing, bushy-haired and bleary-eyed.

“Hey,” Ven greeted, and sounded as though he was still determining whether or not to be anxious. “Axel's back?”

“Yeah,” Roxas replied vaguely. He felt dazed, his own intentions a mystery to him. He wanted to wait at the top of the stairs for Axel, kiss him until every thought of running away again was out of his stupid head. He also wanted to slink off to bed and never speak to Axel again, stung by his abandonment.

Ven held out his arm in silent offer, and despite not being much in the mood for hugs, Roxas didn't have the energy to reject him. He leaned into the hug, then sank into it.

“So wha's happening now...?” Sora, whose hair threatened to consume his entire head, yawned.

“Think your dad's staying in Axel's room from now on,” Roxas informed him. For reasons beyond himself, he spoke in hushed tones.

Sora nodded in slow understanding. He knew from experience that Cloud wouldn't let any rule-breaking happen under his watch.

“Want to stay in with us 'til we're all ready to wake up for real?” Ven offered.

Roxas nodded miserably, and glanced back over his shoulder once before following Ven back towards his room. Somehow, this felt even worse than getting no closure whatsoever.

“So, like...” Sora dropped heavily onto his makeshift bed, “is the wedding still happening on time?”

Automatically, Roxas climbed into his own bed and didn't care when Ven joined him. “Think so. They would have said if it wasn't...”

“I think we'd go crazy if it was put off again,” Ven smiled blissfully, obviously relieved. “I'm gonna ask Terra to dance with me at the reception.”

Despite his misery, Roxas managed a very slight smile on Ven's behalf. Underneath all the bitterness and disappointment, he could be glad that things were working out so well for his brother. “Hopefully Aqua taught him how.”

Ven laughed. “It'll be more fun if he has to figure it out, though.”

Sora joined in the laughter, the three of them picturing something similar even though Sora had only met Terra in passing. As the image of Terra lumbering about trying to waltz faded, the three of them settled, each too tired to keep up the conversation.

It was quiet for a moment, the buzz of early morning creating a surreal sense of skewed time. It felt like they were only just going to bed before the biggest day of their lives.

Rolling onto his back, Sora laced his arms behind his head. “It's pretty cool, y'know... That you guys get to have another mom so soon. I loved your mom, too, obviously, but Aerith is awesome. If anything happened to my mom, I think she'd be happy if someone like that was taking care of me.”

“I think so, too,” Ven said quietly, glancing at Roxas. “Mom would have loved Aerith.”

Roxas could reluctantly see the truth in that. “Yeah, probably,” he muttered, rolling over and closing his eyes.

He wasn't ready to be so at peace with that, even though the wedding was tomorrow. Even though they were both right, and Aerith was exactly the sort of person his mom would have wanted in Zack and her sons' lives. Even though he had that feeling of needing a mother present, to make things make sense again.


	42. Chapter 42

Somehow, Zack had been right. The worst had happened, and everything from that point on went as smoothly as any wedding possibly could.

There were no late guests, no rude interruptions. Everything arrived on time, from the minister to the catering. The venue was beautiful, decorated with bursts of floral color provided by Aerith's place of work, and Aerith had never looked more relaxed and happy than she did when coming down the aisle. Waiting for her was Zack, dressed in his finest and looking like he'd just seen a goddess on earth, and her boys, all of whom were smiling... and if any of those smiles were forced, they were convincing enough to fool everyone.

Axel had covered up the bruise on his face with some liberal applications of cover up, but that was the only make-up he was wearing. With his hair neatened, he actually looked like the college student he was about to be in a month's time, rather than the punk kid who'd just run away from home. He clapped along with the crowd of friends and family, toasted with the adults when everyone sat down for dinner, and ate his meal with apparent enthusiasm.

Except, Roxas had not spoken to him once since he'd been dragged back home, and the effort it was taking not to look miserable was killing him.

Now that no one's eyes were on him, Roxas prodded at his dinner dully without talking to anyone. Namine, as it turned out, hadn't been able to come to the wedding; Marluxia's parents had decided a week-long getaway was just the thing the two foster siblings needed to finally bond, and if Roxas hadn't known better, he would have sworn that they'd done it out of spite. The only person he might've bothered trying to talk to wasn't present, and so he stuck to his seat at the family table, even as dinner was coming to a close and people were starting to mingle. Ven, of course, left at the first opportunity to sit with Terra and Aqua, which left Axel and Roxas completely alone at the table.

Aerith and Zack had vacated arm-in-arm, neither one of them able to stop beaming. Zack laughed not-so-sheepishly when the maid of honor got up to tease him for tearing up when he saw Aerith come down the aisle.

“I'm just so _happy_ for you...” Tifa tried not to crush Aerith when she hugged her. “Would it be weird to tag along on your honeymoon, beat up anyone threatening to make it less than perfect?”

Zack almost snorted. “I can strong-arm if I have to.”

“Don't underestimate how terrifying I can be if I want to,” Aerith laughed. “I think you just want a vacation.”

“I wouldn't say no to one,” Tifa admitted. “House-sitting for you guys will have to do.”

“Well, we're still paying back for the Disney vacation and our honeymoon, but next time we take the boys somewhere, you should bring Sora along,” Aerith suggested.

“I absolutely will, the poor kid's way too cooped up. He has too much wanderlust for an island.”

“I can see that,” Aerith nodded. “He's made sure to visit everything remotely interesting the town has to offer.”

“I keep telling Cloud, if he doesn't want Sora eventually joining SOLDIER, he's got to let him go travel before he starts college,” Tifa remarked.

“Some things about Sora just don't compute with Cloud,” Aerith hummed.

“He can't remember being a kid,” Tifa agreed.

Zack laughed. “Aw, he's got an inner child in there _somewhere_.”

“Even his inner child is nothing like Sora,” Aerith grinned. “He's all you.”

“He is, isn't he,” Tifa said fondly.

Sora was at the table nearest to that of the family and wedding party, sitting with a silver-haired teenager on his best behavior. He was giving Riku a play-by-play of the entirety of his stay, voice loud and gestures animated, as well as his thoughts on every detail of the wedding. Apart from being accessory to all the talking, Riku seemed determined to display himself as mature, sipping his champagne idly while he listened and interjected dry remarks.

Eventually, though, Sora took notice of Axel and pointed him out to Riku, the two of them surprised that he didn't look happier.

“Hey, Axel!” Sora got up to approach him, waving. “Want to come sit with me and Riku for a bit?”

“Huh-?” Finished with his champagne and left with nothing to do but jiggle his foot, Axel glanced at Roxas and wasn't surprised when he didn't speak to him. “... Sure.”

Sora considered asking Roxas to join as well, but apart from being aware that he and Axel weren't speaking at the moment, he also knew that Roxas and Riku never got along very well. “Great! Our table's just over here.”

Axel accompanied Sora and sank into an abandoned chair, taking one of the untouched champagne flutes.

“Having fun?” Sora inquired, dropping back into the seat beside Riku.

“Not as such. You guys?” Axel took a drink.

Riku, not about to admit to a stranger that he actually quite liked weddings, gave a detached answer of, “It hasn't been bad.”

“Yeah,” Sora agreed. “If this is what weddings are like, I want to go to more. Your mom's super pretty, and there's lots of food...”

“I think the novelty wore off when we all started cohabiting,” Axel shrugged, drinking. “They've acted married for months.”

“It definitely hasn't worn off for them,” Riku glanced over at the bride and groom, watching them laugh with Tifa. Sora also stared over at them, starry-eyed.

“So are they going to go off on a honeymoon now even though it's only a few weeks before school?” Sora asked.

“A short one, yeah. All the back-to-school shopping's already done, so better to get it out of their systems before they have to start ferrying kids around.”

“So you guys get like, the whole house to yourselves?” Sora marveled.

“Not anymore. I heard Mom ask her maid of honor last night if she's babysit to make sure I don't run off. That'll suck, because she'll _actually_ keep an eye on us.”

Riku, who hadn't been privy to that part of the story yet, raised his eyebrows.

“Really? She didn't tell _me_ that!” Sora's eyes widened, wondering if that meant he'd get to stay, too.

“I'm going back with you and Cloud,” Riku pointed out. “I think just your mom is staying behind.”

“... Tifa's your mom?” Axel, who had not been aware of that, gaped.

“Yeah,” Sora gave him a weird look. “Didn't you know that?”

“Holy shit? No? I thought Cloud birthed you. Magically, like Zeus spawning Athena,” Axel continued to stare.

“No,” Sora snorted. “Mom just doesn't live with us.”

“Divorced?”

Sora shook his head, amused. “They were never married. They're just my mom and dad.”

“Huh,” Axel leaned back in his seat. “That makes so much more sense.”

“Than Cloud spawning Sora?” Riku asked.

“No, divorce. That theory still has merit.”

“Have you heard much from Marlene and Denzel lately?” Aerith asked Tifa, absentmindedly feeling over the ring on Zack's finger. Marlene and Denzel were both children Tifa had fostered many years ago, before having a son of her own.

“They check in! Denzel forgets from time to time and _pretends_ he doesn't. They're doing alright,” Tifa grinned fondly.

Aerith laughed. “Gosh, they must be old enough to be getting married soon. They're still younger than Sora, in my mind.”

“Crazy, right? No wedding bells, though. Marlene has _no_ interest, so we'll see. Denzel, though, he gets quiet whenever anyone asks... I'll keep snooping, let you know,” Tifa promised.

“Please do,” Aerith giggled. “I've got all these leftover wedding ideas we never had a chance to use. I have to give them to _someone_.”

“Give it a bit of time before the next wedding,” Zack implored teasingly.

“I know. It's just exciting, getting to do this again,” Aerith sighed contently. “Feeling like things are just beginning.”

Tifa nudged her. “Does that mean new additions?”

“Oh, I don't know,” Aerith promptly went pink. “It's not like we're _actually_ young again.”

“Young enough,” Zack defended, kissing Aerith's cheek.

Tifa laughed. “Might save you from the empty nest syndrome Cloud and I went through. Sora was _our_ solution, and I think that worked out well.”

“My empty nest syndrome might be put off for a bit with the twins,” Aerith glanced at Zack. “But I did miss the chance to see you with young kids... I bet it's adorable.”

“I'm always adorable,” Zack proclaimed.

“That's true.” Aerith leaned her head briefly on his shoulder, contemplating. “I might like to have another girl around the house, though...”

“I wouldn't mind trying,” Zack grinned. Aerith blushed more brightly, though she was privately pleased.

“Your plan is working,” Aerith gave Tifa a look.

Tifa was not remotely apologetic. “Time for your first dance, isn't it?”

“I think it is,” Aerith glanced at Zack, who took her hand and kissed it.

“Shall we?”

“Let's.”

Sora, Riku, and Axel were still chatting. “I see Mom plenty, though,” Sora was saying. “She comes by like, every couple days, or I stay with her on weekends. Or I hang out at the bar to do homework.”

“You get to hang out at a bar?” Axel was envious.

“Only when Mom's there. Everyone knows me,” Sora shrugged.

“That's awesome,” Axel groaned. “I'm jealous.”

“It's a small island, everyone knows each other. It's not that unusual, back home,” Riku said.

“Things are definitely more rigid around here...” Axel trailed off upon noticing that Aerith and Zack had taken the dance floor, and silence moved throughout the crowd as effectively as a rumor.

The music began, and the two of them began their dance. Aerith's smile grew all the while and she was whirled when the music picked up, making her laugh aloud. Zack drew her into his arms and grinned so wide that someone could've counted all his teeth, the two of them brimming with infectious joy.

Axel wished he didn't feel resentful.

“... I'm gonna... Yeah.” He stood up to return to his table.

Others were starting to join the bride and groom on the dance floor, Ven prompting Terra out of his seat with obvious intention. Riku, whose hand had landed on Sora's knee, turned to him.

“Would you like to -?”

“Are you sure?” Sora lit up.

“I'm sure,” Riku grinned, and the two of them got up to join the many others.

To avoid being glanced at anymore, Roxas got up to hang out near the wall, and refused to look Axel's way when he joined him.

“... You can keep not-talking to me, but... After? Can it be after?” Axel muttered, leaning into the wall heavily.

“Depends,” Roxas replied coolly. “Are you still going to be here after?”

“Don't have a choice now.”

With a sullen shrug, Roxas turned towards Axel.

“... I shouldn't have run without you. I'm sorry.”

“Yeah, you shouldn't have,” Roxas agreed.

“In my defense, I'm a tiny bit in love with you, so I figured that was a really bad idea,” Axel said.

Roxas was speechless, not knowing how to react to Axel just _saying_ it out of nowhere. “Uh...”

“... Sorry,” he sighed.

“Just, what am I supposed to say to that?”

“I dunno?” Axel despaired. “This is kind of why I left. I don't face honesty well.”

“... Ah.” Roxas watched the people on the dance floor for a long while. Sora was trying to get Riku to twirl under his arm, and Ven had cut in to dance with Aerith, leaving Zack to dance with Tifa. “... I'm glad we didn't split them up.”

“Me too...” Axel sighed. “I hate that I'm glad. This'd be easier if I could hate the whole situation, but your dad's so goddamn likable.”

“I know what you mean...”

“This is just... _it_ , then.”

“... Yeah,” Roxas muttered. “This is it. So much for closure.”

“Yeah, that... Yeah.”

Roxas glanced at him. “... I'm gonna... go out for some air.”

Not even close to subtle.

“... Want company?”

“Yeah. Come on.”

The two of them slipped out the door in quick succession, making sure no one was watching them leave.

“Any idea where we can go?” Roxas asked, keeping his voice down. There wasn't anyone else milling in the large, open hallway of the venue, but he wasn't keen to make their intentions known to anyone who might be about to exit.

Axel started to shake his head, but paused. “There are private bathrooms... It's not a fantastic option, but...”

“It's private,” Roxas shrugged, and the two of them went to one of the two single-occupant washrooms. Axel locked the door after them, and Roxas pulled him in close rather than face any awkward conversation.

It was just as well. Axel didn't know what he'd say, anyway. He kissed him, and Roxas didn't care how far this was going to go, or how long they had. He just kissed back the way he'd wanted to since the last time they were together.

“Mn...” Thoughtlessly, Axel grabbed his hips to pull him closer and was pinned to the door. Roxas got one hand around Axel's tie to keep him on his level, making a soft sound as he parted his lips. The warmth of him, the taste – Roxas wanted _everything_ , as much and as close as possible, and he put his other hand on the back of Axel's neck as he tried to convey that. Axel accidentally knocked Roxas's jacket askew as he ran his hands up.

Almost groaning, one hand clutched at the back of Roxas's shirt while the other went for his belt, and Roxas's breathing was short when he broke the kiss to let Axel maneuver.

“This is okay?” Axel felt hotter than he expected to be this quickly, undoing the belt and Roxas's slacks.

Roxas nodded. “As long as it's quick.”

“I can do quick.” Axel dropped down the kneel, one hand running up his leg. Inhaling sharply, Roxas lost his grip on him and braced against the wall instead.

His mouth was already so much hotter than he remembered. Axel brushed his open lips along his cock, stroking him and taking him to the hilt the moment he was hard enough. Without preamble or teasing, Axel moved his head up and back, sucking and tonguing around the head.

Roxas moaned louder than he meant to, gripping the back of Axel's head with his free hand. “ _Nn_ -... Axel, that is so-... Holy fuck...”

“ _Mmn_...” One hand slid back to rest firmly on Roxas's ass.

Choking on his breath, Roxas buckled slightly and leaned harder into the wall.

Axel drew back to catch his breath, stroking him in the meanwhile and murmuring huskily, “God, I'm gonna miss this... Roxas, you have no idea...”

He kissed along the shaft, and Roxas swallowed hard, wishing there was some way he could talk like that _and_ suck him off at the same time. Almost panting, he twisted his hand in Axel's hair. “I think I... have some idea...”

With a quiet moan, Axel dragged his tongue up to the head and took him into his mouth again. Roxas was so hot he was dizzy, already feeling close and _wanting_ that but also wanting this to go on for ages, forever. His breath caught loudly as Axel hummed, and he tightened his grip in his hair to pull a little.

“Ax-... Ngh, god, I'm so close to...”

He was about to keep going, but Axel drew away and rested his head against his thigh. “D'you want to-?”

Flushed and too hot under all his clothes, Roxas glanced down at Axel's face and said softly, “Yeah, but... also not really...”

“Not yet?” Axel breathlessly surmised. Roxas bit his lip and nodded.

Giving another kiss to the head, Axel stopped his attentions to unbutton Roxas's shirt, and Roxas caught his breath in the moment he had to do so. Moving up onto his knees, Axel hotly kissed up his chest and Roxas wrapped his arms around him, wanting to touch him more. His fingers stayed in Axel's hair, massaging his scalp to express how much he _needed_ , and Roxas watched with intrigue as Axel pulled at his tie to loosen it and unbutton his own shirt in turn.

Tilting his head up, Axel pulled Roxas down without warning and kissed him intently. Jolted, Roxas steadied himself on Axel's shoulders. The kiss broke when Axel righted himself but was recaptured instantly, Roxas easing him to the wall again and blindly going for his belt. With some fumbling and muffled swearing, Roxas worked it open and unzipped his slacks, getting caught up in clothing more than once but unwilling to stop kissing him even to watch what he was doing.

As it was, Axel barely noticed any falter or fumble. He was effectively distracted by his mouth, and only more so when Roxas closed his eyes and started to get to his knees.

Avoiding touching him with the hand he'd had against the wall, Roxas guided the head of Axel's cock just-barely into his mouth and swirled his tongue around it, the way he loved it when it was done to him. To his own surprise, Axel's breath caught and he hissed Roxas's name.

He wanted as many sounds like that from him as possible. Tonguing across the slit and tilting his head, Roxas started to swallow him, and Axel bit down on a quiet keening sound. He was way too hot and this was _not_ helping in the most wonderful way.

Grabbing Axel's hip, Roxas tried to ease his mouth around him deeper. There were no trace of the usual nerves or reservations he used to have when it came to this, only heat and closeness and wanting.

More relaxed than usual, Roxas was able to swallow him deeper before it became uncomfortable, and he shivered.

“Holy shit, Rox...” Axel toyed with his hair, not sure why he felt so close when he knew he _wasn't_ , really, it was just _good_. “Mn-... That's perfect...”

Pulling back an inch or so, Roxas kept one hand firmly pinned to his hip and began to rock his head back and forth, sucking whenever he'd taken him as deep as he could.

Axel exhaled heavily. “That feels so fucking intense...”

Making another sound of acknowledgment, Roxas pulled back very slowly when he needed to give himself a break and breathe, pressing his lips to the shaft as he inhaled heavy and slow. He glanced up, meeting Axel's eyes and swallowing hard.

He wanted so much that he couldn't have, right now.

There was a hot spike of arousal when Roxas kissed his way back to the head, and Axel murmured, “Starting to get close, Rox... Just looking at you, it's so-... You have no idea...”

Trying not to think, Roxas closed his eyes and took him shallowly unto his mouth, sucking hard until he felt like he was capable of moving again.

“Fuck-...” Axel shuddered, pleasure boiling under his skin. “Think I'm-...”

Roxas pulled back. “What should I do...?”

He wasn't sure why he asked. He was used to moving away as fast as possible, but that didn't feel... right, for the moment. He didn't want to just watch Axel finish himself.

Not expecting the question, Axel groaned. “I... dunno... I wanna taste it when you come, don't ever want to forget what it's like. You can finish me off however you like, I just... Want you.”

Chewing his lip briefly, Roxas glanced behind himself, trying to justify something in his head by thinking of how awkward the clean up would be. “I-I could... try to...”

“... Rox... I don't want you to do anything you're not gonna-...” Axel hesitated. “Don't regret this any more than you have to.”

Roxas leveled him with a glare for reminding him and leaned forward again, dragging his tongue under the head and half-closing his mouth around him. Axel was regretting reminding _himself_ , the edge having receded with the glum thought, but the return of Roxas's tongue aided in bringing it back.

“ _Fuck_...”

Sucking gently between flicks of his tongue, Roxas seemed to coax him towards climax, entirely guessing at what he should be doing but doing a good job of it.

“Nngh... Rox, fuck, please...”

Heat twisted in Roxas's gut as he only just became aware of how much he wanted to hear Axel beg like that. Swallowing him a little more, he sucked hard and steeled himself, Axel's grip in his hair the only warning he was capable of giving.

“ _Ah_ , mn-...”

Axel bit down on his lip to quiet himself, orgasm flooding him. Roxas wasn't entirely prepared for the taste on his tongue, and though he managed not to recoil instinctively, he sort of forgot to do anything but keep his mouth around him. His throat protested swallowing quite adamantly, and Roxas spat into his hand when he drew back.

Far from offended, Axel closed his eyes and grinned faintly. “I should've brought the champagne...”

“It's fine,” Roxas murmured, grimacing a little. “Still an acquired taste, I guess...”

Axel laughed, short and breathless. “Sorry...”

Roxas made a dismissive noise and struggled to his feet, his knees protesting. “Ow...”

“You okay?” Axel reached down to help him up.

“Yeah... Tile's worse than the car, that's all.”

“Tell me about it...” Axel leaned down and nipped his earlobe.

“Nn... Hang on, I want to wash this...” Roxas's hand was still soiled, and he couldn't risk getting anything on their clothes.

“Yeah, go quick. Don't want to leave you hanging.”

Roxas turned away to reach the sink, quickly rinsing his hands and catching sight of himself in the mirror.

“What's up?”

“Nothing, I just look...” Roxas trailed off. His lips were a little red and swollen, he was still a bit flushed, his hair was mussed...

“Really sexy?” Axel supplied. Roxas raised an eyebrow when he turned back to him. “What? Okay, matter of opinion?”

“Your opinion, maybe.”

“Since I'm the one about the get reacquainted with your dick, I think my opinion's the one that matters,” Axel countered, and slid back to his knees.

“Guess you have a poin- _nn_...”

Roxas leaned into the wall this time, both hands clutching Axel's hair. He was sucking hard and starting to move his head in a steady rhythm, picking up as though he'd never parted from him.

“Ah-... Hn, that's really-...” Roxas cut himself off with another moan, holding tighter to ground himself and desperately trying to keep quiet. Despite good sense, Axel retaliated by trying to make being silent as difficult as possible, tonguing his cock and stroking what he wasn't sucking.

“God, Axel...” Roxas tilted his head back, shuddering. “What the hell are you even...”

“ _Mm-mm_...”

The peak that had cooled off slightly was building faster than ever, and Roxas nearly slipped down the wall when Axel deep-throated him again, dizzy with need.

Without pent-up lust to direct his thoughts, Axel let himself love that he could do this to Roxas and tried to think about _now_ , rather than the unpleasant picture that'd popped into his head. A picture of Roxas moving on, finding someone else, never kissing him again...

Arching slightly, Roxas was also letting his mind wander but to more pleasant things, liking being able to do this on a comfortable bed without the fear of being found, without knowing it was the last time...

“Soon-...”

Roxas's hips rolled forward and Axel opened his mouth wider, groan muffled, and it wasn't long until he was spilling into the inviting warmth. Moaning longer and louder than he safely should, Roxas tilted his head back and clutched at Axel like he was the only thing keeping him upright, and Axel at last felt his mind go blank the second salt touched his tongue. He wrapped an arm around Roxas's hips with good timing, Roxas's legs twitching and shaking as he panted.

Axel's arms stayed around him when he stood up, and the tension left Roxas's body completely for a few brief moments. The moment he was capable, Roxas held him in return, not wanting to give up the warmth he was providing.

Closing his eyes, Axel wondered if what he was feeling was anything like closure, enough to get by.

Thinking about what Axel had said on the phone, in the reception hall, Roxas had to speak.

“I... I do know.”

“Know what...?”

“... What you asked me before you left. I said I didn't know, but now...”

“... Oh.” Axel's heart hammered in his chest, and as close as he was, Roxas could feel it.

“But I don't think I should say,” Roxas mumbled, lowering his eyes.

“... Closure. If you don't, we'll both never stop thinking about it.”

Exhaling, Roxas leaned into his shoulder. He didn't even know _how_ to say it.

“... But you don't have to...”

“I don't know how-... It isn't that easy to say,” Roxas admitted.

“I know...”

“Then, you know what I'm trying to...?”

“Yeah... It's alright, I know.”

“Good,” Roxas said shakily, and buried himself in the hug again.

Axel shut his eyes tightly. “... Maybe this'll be okay.”

Roxas stayed silent, knowing as well as Axel did that those were empty words.

 

* * *

 

In the reception hall, Zack had managed to convince Cloud to dance with him, and then sent him Aerith's way. He looked very serious even as he twirled her, and mercifully, she only kept him as long as one dance before kissing his cheek and informing him he'd done his duty well.

“Steal you for another dance, Mrs. Fair?” Zack almost scooped Aerith up as he came back to her. She made a startled noise that turned into a laugh.

“Well, seeing as you've already swept me off my feet, quite literally...”

Cloud gave them both the smallest of smiles before returning to his table, where Tifa was in deep conversation with their friend Leon about his restoration work.

Not far from them was Ven, dancing with both Terra and Aqua at the same time, and all three of them were laughing more often than not. Aqua twirled gracefully around Ven and laughed warmly when his attempt to emulate her resulted in a gentle collision with Terra. Shortly thereafter, Terra dipped Aqua fairly smoothly, then dipped Ven... less smoothly, pulling him right up against his chest to keep from dropping him.

Sora was thoroughly red in the face and only ever left the dance floor to grab more food, having almost managed to get a glass of champagne as well. Riku went where Sora led, for the most part, and collapsed into a seat with him.

“Hey,” Sora began suddenly, looking around. “I haven't seen Axel in a while...”

Frowning, Riku set his own glass down once he'd soothed his parched throat. “There isn't a chance he's run off, is there?”

“I don't know,” Sora was starting to look worried. “Maybe I should ask Dad if he's seen him...”

“We don't want to cause a panic... Especially if there's a good reason he's gone,” Riku pointed out, kind of protective of Zack and Aerith's bliss.

“Do you think we should look, then?” Now that the idea of investigating was in his head, Sora was eager at the prospect.

Nodding, Riku got up. “Let's take a look around.”

Somehow, Sora was still brimming with energy as he leapt to his feet. The two of them did a thorough search of the reception hall before exiting to search the rest of the venue.

Having finally managed to pull away from Axel and compose himself, Roxas slipped out of the washroom alone. He had the poor fortune of being the first lead Sora thought worth following, glimpsing him almost immediately and forgetting that he and Axel supposedly weren't speaking to one another.

“Hey, Roxas!” Sora called to him, approaching with a wave of his hand.

Roxas froze, and tried much too hard to appear casual. “... Yeah?”

Riku narrowed his eyes.

“Have you seen Axel anywhere? We just realized he wasn't in the hall,” Sora explained.

“No,” Roxas replied immediately, and managed to come off as annoyed in his shortness. Sora's eyes grew wide with worry.

“Maybe we _should_ tell your dad,” Riku muttered.

Sora glanced at Roxas, very grave. “We think maybe he ran away again...”

“Uh, no,” Roxas panicked. “I don't think so...”

Riku raised his eyebrows. “Then _have_ you seen him?”

“No, not for a bit, anyway... But he said he was going...” Roxas failed to come up with a lie quickly.

Sora was simply confused, but Riku was growing more suspicious by the second.

“... To the car,” Roxas finished suddenly.

“On his own?” Riku asked. “If he was _going_ to run away, he'd need the car.”

“Look,” Roxas was growing frustrated. “I know he's not going to run away.”

“Oh, hey!” Sora tugged Riku's sleeve, pointing out Axel as he slipped out of the washroom, in pretty much perfect order.

To his credit, Axel managed not to freeze up. “Hey. Shouldn't you be tearing up the dance floor?”

Riku eyed Roxas silently.

“We've been dancing _forever_ ,” Sora replied, openly relieved. “What about you?”

“Washroom. Didn't feel well.” Nonchalant, Axel started to walk past them. “I think all the sweetness got to me.”

Roxas flushed faintly, knowing his lie was obvious now. Either Sora didn't connect the dots or didn't care what his fib had been covering, because Sora turned to follow Axel in.

Riku didn't. Not right away.

“... I don't care why you lied,” he muttered coolly, and turned to leave. Roxas trailed after them miserably.

There was still the rest of the wedding to get through, and with the idea now in Riku's head, Roxas couldn't be sure whether or not they'd blown their cover at the last second.


	43. Chapter 43

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Before you go ahead and read this chapter, we suggest taking a moment to put on an [Overexposure playlist](http://8tracks.com/xatyrn/overexposure), made by kingdomfuckingsin on tumblr! We took the time to listen to it as we revised this chapter, and we love it - thank you, kingdomfuckingsin!

The wedding changed nothing, and everything. Given that they were all already living together, going home after the reception felt a lot like coming home after a family dinner. Cloud and Sora stayed one more night, though Riku had to catch a late plane back home, much to Sora's dismay. Tifa came by early the next morning, finding the newlyweds all packed and ready to go on their short vacation, and they left in the taxi that would also take Cloud and Sora to the airport.

Roxas got his room back. Axel hardly ever left his. Because nothing had changed, they were still in the same close quarters, living with temptation just down the hallway. Because their parents were married, everything had changed.

Neither one of them had ever been so miserable in their entire lives.

The day that she returned, Namine went right over with a bag over her arm. Pluto barked wildly at the ring of the doorbell, and she could distantly hear Ven trying to calm him down. She'd texted Roxas that she was there, but he wasn't the one to answer the door.

“Oh! You're... Roxas's friend, er...” Tifa snapped her fingers, having trouble putting a name to an unfamiliar face. She stood in the doorway, managing to take up the entire space with presence alone, and Namine wasn't sure whether or not to find her intimidating.

“Namine,” she supplied, and gave her a small smile. “It's nice to meet you.”

On sight, Tifa found her precious. “ _Yes_ , Namine. I heard about you from Aerith, but never got to meet you. I'm the boys' aunt, Tifa.” She stepped out of the doorway and gestured to the foyer. “Come in, come in!”

“Thank you.” Namine stepped inside, slipping off her sandals by the mat. “I won't stay for too long, I don't want to impose or anything...”

“Don't be silly, you're family! Feel free to call me Aunt Tifa too, if you want.”

Namine started to smile. It was rare she met someone so warm and welcoming; even Aerith, who had been quick to act as a mother to her, had shown more reservation. “I, um... Thank you,” she managed to say, though privately promised herself that she wouldn't stay for dinner, lest she overstay.

Tifa lowered her voice. “I'm glad you're here, actually. I think Roxas could use some cheering up.”

At the bottom of the stairs, Roxas was near enough to hear that, but too tired to deal with people excusing themselves. He lingered there for a moment longer, just to pretend he hadn't heard anything.

“That's what I'm here for,” Namine said, her smile softening. “He's my best friend.”

Tifa could hardly contain herself. “You're just the sweetest.”

“Hey, Namine,” Roxas took the last few steps and greeted her hoarsely.

“Roxas -” Namine turned to greet him, and words promptly failed her.

Roxas looked as though he hadn't slept since the wedding – possibly even before. There was a redness to his eyes that would have suggested he'd been crying, if someone didn't know him well. As someone who did, Namine could tell he hadn't been; he was long past the stage of crying, and didn't have it in him anymore.

After a second, she lifted the bag on her arm. “... I brought ice cream.”

Roxas just stared at her when it seemed he couldn't say anymore, and tried to show gratitude with his expression alone. Tifa looked between them, forming incorrect conclusions about the nature of their relationship.

“Alright, I'm going to bug Axel some more,” she announced, eyes gleaming.”I swear if I have to force-feed that boy, I will.”

Namine was sympathetic already, able to guess what mood Axel was in. “Good luck...”

“Thanks.” Tifa rolled up her sleeves.

“My room?” Roxas quietly suggested. “It's... my room, again.”

“Let's go,” Namine nodded, and went to follow him. They trudged up the stairs, and Namine wasn't surprised to see that Axel's door was shut.

They went to Roxas's bedroom, shut the door, and Roxas wrapped his arms around her tight.

There wasn't much to say. After Namine said, “I wish there was something I could do, I'm sorry,” and Roxas shook his head, there wasn't anything to say at all.

 

* * *

 

Come fall, Axel moved out. When Aerith asked why – it was so much cheaper just to commute from home, and she'd feel so much better knowing he was eating right, was he sure? - he told her that what he thought he needed, above all else, was some independence. Zack, as expected, advocated for him. He was still on watch for running away, but that itself had made it obvious something about their house wasn’t working for him. He was too late to apply for a dorm, though, and the race to find an apartment became the family's hectic fixation for a couple of weeks. He ended up in a high-rise nearby, with a roommate he'd only met when he went to check out the place.

Still, leaving the house – and leaving Roxas – was the better option for everyone. He started school, and the process of learning how to cope with living on his own was so involved that he started to forget the source of his misery.

There was money to manage. Aerith made sure he always had some, enough to buy groceries, but that didn't leave room for Axel's prior spending habits. He learned to live off rice with a variety of condiments, after he'd spent too much of his allowance on clothes and 'science experiments'.

High school wasn't quite as all-encompassing as balancing life and an education at the same time, but Roxas found ways of keeping himself busy. He'd drawn the short end of the stick, for certain; the house was a constant reminder of everything he and Axel used to do, whether it was sexual or not.

He missed having a friend around. Having a brother present wasn't even close to the same thing – Ven didn't share his interests the same way, didn't fall into that comfortable banter he and Axel used to have.

It was made harder for the fact that time with Namine became more and more scarce. On the day she’d brought ice cream to Roxas after the wedding, Tifa had of course insisted that she stay for dinner, feeding her as much as she would take and probing for anything she was willing to tell.

After that, Tifa had wormed her way into Namine's life, learning more about her home situation from Aerith. She wasn’t away long after the honeymoon, and the next time she returned it was with all of the signed paperwork to foster Namine, and a promise to adopt her as soon as possible. With Sora also coming up to college life, she was in a position to provide for another teenager. Namine was thrilled when the approval came through, but saddened at the same time; she would no longer be going to the same school as Roxas. She wouldn't even be in the same city, when she moved out to the Islands.

Both Tifa and Sora came to accompany her there, and on her last night in the city, the two families gathered at the house she had spent a few summer weeks in to celebrate. Finally, Namine was able to wear the dress Aerith had bought for her, the one she should have worn to the wedding.

Roxas couldn't be too depressed over her departure – or so he told himself – when it meant Namine finally had a stable and loving home. Not to mention, to Namine's shock and shy delight, the fact that she was introduced to Sora's friends, and thus reunited with her longstanding crush. Kairi happened to be one of Sora's best friends, and she clicked with Namine again right away.

With the hurt feeling a little less raw, Roxas tried to think of the months with Axel - the good ones, anyway - as a sort of summer fling. As if he’d briefly loved someone on the other side of the world, someone he had no chance of seeing again. Except of course, he _did_ see him, on holidays and the odd weekend, and had to act like they’d never shared more than friendship. And without Namine nearby, there was no one he could confide in on the hardest days.

Loneliness seemed like it would prevail, until Axel got a boyfriend.

He still came home from time to time, usually to do laundry, and they were still friendly with each other. There was some awkwardness between them, and they made sure never to be alone together, but it was still undeniably good to see each other.

“So I met a guy,” Axel mentioned, pseudo-casually, to his mother while Roxas happened to be in the room. “Smart, kind of serious, dyes his hair. His name's Saix.”

Aerith had had long enough to wrap her head around her son's sexuality to be happy for him, and insisted Axel bring him over for dinner some time. And Roxas...

Roxas was surprised to realize that he didn't want to be alone anymore.

He started hanging out with his friends again, getting closer to Hayner, Pence, and Olette until he couldn't remember why he'd ever thought he was isolated. He and Namine called each other almost every night, just to chat about everything and nothing.

He came out to her, first. It just slipped into the conversation one day, and only came up at all because Roxas was comfortable enough to say it. He said it again to Zack, when his father asked if he was dating Olette. To his mortification, that didn't stop Zack from offering him condoms.

Still, he was becoming more comfortable with who he was, and his trysts with Axel were thought of less and less. He stopped associating being gay with his stepbrother, and instead just... _was_ gay.

He never started thinking of Axel in a brotherly way, of course. When he came home one day with tattoos on his face – two small upside-down teardrops – Roxas could freely admit to himself that he found them hot. That was not something he voiced, for multiple reasons, but chief among them was not wanting to fan the flames of Aerith's ire.

“You had such a handsome face,” she bemoaned, her hands on Axel's cheeks as she inspected the tattoos like she was searching for a way to take them off.

“I still do. I _improved_ it.”

Axel was enjoying college, once he'd gotten the whole independence thing down to an art form. He knew he wasn't _really_ independent – not so long as he had Aerith's money and access to her washing machine – but he was certainly free enough to date who he wanted, dress as he liked, and get tattoos with the money he saved up from birthdays and a couple of skipped meals.

He wasn't just free, though; he was also safe. He still had a house key, and could come crawling back for a hot meal or to vent some roommate-related stress if he really needed to. In one memorable case, he also came home to see Cloud slinking out of Aerith and Zack's bedroom, and that was a chuckle-worthy experience that picked his mood _right_ up.

Axel's room was no longer _his_ , though, which was probably the only downside. Axel couldn't bring himself to mind how quickly it'd been converted though – the baby would get a lot more use out of it than he would.

Time passed. Roxas once again learned the lesson he had after his mother died, and after Zack had been deployed; For Axel, it was the thing he learned after Aerith divorced his father.

Closure or no, life… went on.

Things had become normal. As normal as they were going to get, and as good as anyone could've ever hoped for.


	44. Chapter 44

The house hadn't changed much. Axel's visits weren't so few and far between that he'd have expected it to, but it still wasn't often that he came home, which made things both familiar and weird at the same time. Still, he felt at perfect liberty to walk through the unlocked door, and was greeted by two differences.

First, the front hallway was lined with stuff to be taken out to the car. Roxas wasn't bringing anything but the essentials – dorm life didn't provide a great deal of space – but there was still more than could reasonably fit in one car.

Second, there was a toddler in the living room. Trapped behind a baby gate, Yuna was clutching a baton-like rattle and watching Axel with quiet, alert interest.

“Aa,” she declared enthusiastically, shaking her baton at him, and he stared down at the little girl as though contemplating what she'd said.

“... Fair enough,” he decided, and leaned over the gate to pick her up and balance his baby sister on his hip.

Aerith had assumed Zack had returned from his errands (fetching more garbage bags; it turned out that Roxas had a lot of junk lying around that he didn't want) and came downstairs to greet him, pleasantly surprised to see her eldest instead. “Oh, I didn't expect you so soon, and-...” she paused, and sounded a little tired. “We just got her in there.”

“She made me do it,” Axel shrugged. Yuna smiled brightly at Aerith.

Not actually upset, Aerith sighed and came over to kiss both of them on the cheek. “She gives me the same smile that got you anything when you were a baby. And Zack says she has the twins' puppy eyes,” Aerith stroked Yuna's hair, “so she's dangerous.”

“You're doomed,” Axel snickered. “Sorry, Mom.”

The door opened behind them, and Zack entered with a box of garbage bags under his arm. “Axel's here!” he announced, as though he wasn't right there in the foyer. He swooped forward and kissed Yuna's head, apparently not minding that she was out. “Hey, glad you came.”

Smiling, Aerith parted Axel's hair with her fingers. “You need to touch this up as well. You two practically match.”

“Yeah, it's bad. Haven't had a lot of time – did you know you have to _work_ for money? No one told me,” Axel remarked.

“Rok!” cried Yuna.

“No, it doesn't rock. At all-...” Axel trailed off, and saw what she'd actually meant. “Hey.”

Roxas was coming down the stairs, somewhat ungainly on them after he'd gone through yet another growth spurt. “Hey,” he greeted, and went to ruffle Yuna's hair. “Hi, Yuna.”

Yuna babbled at him, making a valiant effort in telling him about the last few minutes in which everyone showed up.

“Weren't you, like, a foot shorter?” Axel teased.

Zack laughed. “He keeps growing, makes finding pants _impossible_...”

Just from exposure to Yuna, Roxas was able to make out a few of her words and made a sound of acknowledgment before giving his attention to Axel and Zack. “I still don't even reach your nose,” he complained.

“You still aren't gone growing, maybe one day,” Zack said.

“No. Never,” Axel countered. “You will never get any taller.”

Sighing, Roxas looked at his father. “You're not as tall as he is, and neither is Cloud, if we're looking at that side of the family.”

“My genes are doing their best,” Zack protested. “Is that everything, by the way? Should we start loading?”

“That's... mostly everything.” Roxas cleared his throat, starting to turn back towards the stairs. “I should get back to that.”

“Well, since you're here, you can start helping Zack with some of the heavy things,” Aerith turned to Axel.

With a sigh, Axel hoisted Yuna back over the gate. “Back to jail.”

“No-o...” Yuna was sadly plopped down on her behind.

Aerith bit down on a smile. “There's not much in the way of furniture.”

“Which car?” Axel asked.

“Ours is bigger, should probably cram what we can into that one...”

“I think that's a good idea,” Aerith agreed. “That means Yuna's car seat might have to go with you, if that's okay.”

“Sure.” Axel appraised the furniture critically. “Ven picked a really inconvenient time to take off with the muscle.”

The entire family had somewhat come to rely on Terra's penchant for heavy lifting, when it came to moving around. Ven was taking a year off with Aqua and Terra to travel and train abroad, though, which eliminated their moving MVP from the picture.

“Hey, we'll do alright,” Zack protested. “I'm buff.”

“At least you're not moving a bed?” Aerith consoled.

“Yay.” Axel went around to the biggest piece of furniture, Roxas's desk.

“Garbage bags are just there-... _Lift_...” Zack heaved it up with Axel on the other side. Axel grunted in exertion, thin arms not made for labor.

“Thank you, honey.” Aerith picked up the garbage bags to take them up to Roxas's room, and Zack and Axel began the involved process of packing up the cars.

 

* * *

 

Yuna, Axel learned, was not a fan of driving.

Handing her off to Roxas, Aerith secured the car seat into the back of Axel's vehicle, while Yuna babbled worriedly about cars and accidentally smacked him in the nose with her baton. Already stressed, Roxas rubbed his nose and tried not to let that annoy him.

“I'll take her now. There we go,” Aerith straightened up and reached for her daughter, lifting Yuna into her arms and exaggerating happiness in an attempt to make her forget her worries. “You're going to go on a trip with Axel. Does that sound fun?”

“No,” Yuna whimpered.

“It'll be fun, I'll even let you drive,” Axel called, wrestling the trunk shut.

“Roxas will be there, too,” Aerith coaxed. “You'll get to see his new room, and his school...”

“Rok.” Though Roxas was one of her favorite people, she was still pouting.

Roxas attempted to step in. “I'll be right there with you the whole time. We can even play your favorite music.”

“Do we _have_ her favorite music?” Axel asked in an undertone.

Yuna sniffled, and Aerith looked at Roxas imploringly. “Roxas, could you...?”

He knew what she was trying to ask, and tried not to look pained as he offered. “What if we sing something together?” he suggested. He'd learned, to his downfall, how much Yuna loved singing...

Especially with him.

Yuna brightened. “Okay.”

“Thank you,” Aerith looked relieved and carried Yuna to the car seat.

“Oh god, it's gonna be too cute,” Axel commented, sounding as though he was being given a present he never knew he wanted.

“You can't say anything about this,” Roxas threatened quietly.

“I've dreamed of this moment for years.”

“Shut up,” he hissed.

Making sure Yuna was buckled in safe, Aerith squeezed in her diaper bag to fit in next to a garbage bag full of Roxas's clothes. She kissed her head and promised Yuna she'd see her when she got there, then pulled herself out of the car. “She should be okay once you get going, but she just woke up from her nap so she'll be pretty energetic,” she informed Axel.

“Cool. I've got it under control,” Axel said.

“We'll be right behind you.” Aerith waved and smiled at Yuna as she closed the door to the back seat.

Yuna shook her baton after her. “Mommy...”

Axel and Roxas piled into the car, Roxas turning in his seat as soon as he was buckled in. Yuna cooed at him, rattling her baton, and he grinned at her. He was hoping she might just forget the singing thing.

“So what sing-along are we doing?” Axel asked traitorously, starting the car.

“Sing, sing...”

Roxas almost groaned. “I don't know. What do you want to sing?”

Yuna stared for a second before launching into the theme song of a cartoon she watched, which Roxas happened to know by heart. Firmly ignoring Axel, he joined her and turned red when she happily sang it again from the start when she was done.

Mercifully, she seemed happy with two times through.

“She's kind of precious,” Axel observed, taking them down the street. “Even though I still haven't wrapped my head around her existence.”

Yuna was now babbling about the cartoon, not seeming to be talking to either of them in particular.

Roxas turned to face forward. “You're not around her all the time. Still, it's kind of weird how she looks like, exactly half-and-half your mom and my dad. I didn't know that was genetically possible.”

“It's her eyes that get me.”

Yuna cooed, blinking heterochromatic eyes.

“Right? If I sit on one side, it's like I'm looking at your mom as a baby,” Roxas agreed. “On the other, it's brown-haired Ven.”

“She's a perfect split,” Axel laughed. “Least she's destined to be adorable her whole life.”

Roxas's eyes widened. “Oh god, we're going to have to be hyper-protective older brothers for life.”

Axel snorted. “That's why we move out so she still has enough space to do dumb things. That's how we _learn_.”

“Aa...” Yuna stared down at the car floor, baton no longer in hand. Roxas heard it rattle, but didn't immediately realize what'd happened.

“That's not especially comforting, you know.”

“I sincerely apologi -”

“Akel,” Yuna interrupted loudly.

“Hn?” Axel jumped a little. Startled, Roxas looked around to see Yuna's face start to crumple.

“Rok...” she whimpered.

That toy was all but attached to her in Roxas's mind, and he realized what she was missing instantly. “Oh, you dropped it...”

“It's fine, Yuna, couldn't have left the car. Roxas'll get it,” Axel soothed. She whined a little.

Roxas twisted around as far as he could to search the floor, but found it out of his reach. He strained to grab it anyway.

“Should I pull over?”

“I think you have to,” Roxas groaned.

“On it...” Axel flipped his indicator.

Rarely the bawling type, Yuna started to sniffle regularly instead, not reassured by Roxas's hushing. Once they'd stopped on the side of the street, Roxas hastily got out and gestured to Zack's car that it was alright before opening the back. He leaned over Yuna and grabbed the baton, handing it back to her.

Through another sniffle, Yuna perked up and took it, politely saying, “Thanku.”

Unwillingly, Roxas melted. “You're welcome.”

“Aw, they started on manners early. Probably smart, didn't stick with me...” Axel turned slightly to give Yuna an approving nod. “Good job, Yuna.”

Yuna only recognized the praise and not what for, and rattled her baton emphatically. Laughing, Roxas got back into the passenger's side seat.

“So... Excited for dorm life?” Axel asked, waiting for an opportunity to merge back into traffic.

“Not really. I mean, being on my own, sure. But not the part where I have a roommate I don't know.”

“Yeah, that sucks.”

“Couldn't afford an apartment, though,” Roxas sighed.

“... You could've moved in with me.”

Roxas paused. “No one ever mentioned that as an option.”

“I mean, I would've offered, if I'd heard anything,” Axel glanced at him quickly. “Because who needs better judgment, right?”

Roxas shrugged. “It probably would have been cheaper, and it'd be easier to get rides if I need them.”

“Well... Probably would've had to run it by my roommate anyway...”

“Right, I forgot. You wouldn't have a spare bedroom, anyway.” Instantly, Roxas was reminded of sharing a bedroom with Axel, but he dismissed those thoughts much faster than he used to. “Anyway, I already paid my fees to residence. They own me.”

“Then I really hope your roommate doesn't suck.”

“Me, too,” Roxas glanced at him. “But maybe think about moving to a bigger place next year?”

“You'd really want to?” Axel asked.

“I dunno. I just said think about it. Maybe by the end of the year I'll change my mind. Maybe residence will be a great experience and I won't want to leave.” Roxas sounded as though he doubted that last part completely.

“Yeah, but. You'd want to live with _me_. Moving out is one thing, I'm another,” Axel pointed out.

Roxas grew somewhat defensive. “I know you, which is more than I can say about anyone else at this school.”

At that, Axel guessed he just didn't think about _it_ , anymore. “Fair enough. I'll keep a three-bedroom in mind.”

“For now, though...”

Yuna interrupted, shaking her baton vehemently and babbling at it.

Axel needed a second to find his train of thought, having almost forgotten she was there. “Uh-... Yeah, dorm life.”

“Would you mind if I used you to avoid the grocery bus? I've heard... things,” Roxas said. Mostly things about it being so tightly packed that there was barely room to breathe, plus being a freezer in winter, and oven in summer, which didn't sound at all appealing.

“You want me to be your taxi?”

“Yes? If it's a problem, I'll just tag along whenever you go for groceries.”

“It's not a _problem_ ,” Axel remarked. “I just think you only love me for my car.”

Roxas faltered, able to think of several implications he'd rather not. “I-... well, fine, if you were hoping I'd drop by for dinner, too...”

“I'll accept that as payment.”

Roxas reddened, not having expected him to agree to that specific suggestion. “Uh.”

“With _your_ groceries, obviously,” Axel decided.

“Dude, the grocery money comes from the same people.”

“Principle of the thing.”

“... Okay.”

“... I'm kidding, you know, you don't have to,” Axel amended.

“Yeah, I know,” Roxas said hastily. “But I wouldn't hate to come over and hang out.”

“... That'd be cool, yeah.”

“No,” Yuna chimed in suddenly.

“Huh?” Roxas turned in his seat.

“What, you want to keep Roxas all to yourself?” Axel asked.

“No,” she repeated.

“... Then I fail to see the problem, Yuna.”

Obliviously, she put her baton in her mouth. Roxas grinned slightly as he turned back around, though the refusal had startled him all the same.

“Seriously, it'd be cool to hang out again,” Axel resumed their conversation.

“Yeah. I mean, if I'm not spoken for by Yuna.”

“What d'you say, can I borrow him?” Axel asked Yuna.

“No.”

“I'm going to anyway. Time to learn that you don't always get your way.”

Roxas snorted. “Sorry, Yuna.”

They chatted about majors and classes for the rest of the drive, Yuna occasionally contributing insights such as 'no' and incoherent sounds. Turning into the college parking lot, they stopped and Axel sighed.

“Oh boy, soon we get to take everything upstairs.”

“At least it's not the first day. It's supposed to be less... busy...” Even as Roxas spoke, he could see that was clearly not the case.

“Why did I say I was free,” Axel grumbled.

“You're not going to dump my things and ditch, are you?”

“'Course not.” Axel would've been offended by the implication, except he absolutely would have done exactly that were he not in a helpful mood.

“You're too kind,” Roxas relaxed a bit, having been worried about trying to manage everything.

“Also I don't want to make Zack throw his back out or pull something.”

Roxas grinned. “Really, though. Thank you.”

“Anything for you,” Axel snorted.

“You'll make me blush.”

“I hope so.”

Roxas's thought process stopped dead.

Axel didn't even notice. “The more embarrassed you are now, the less you'll be later, when you feel like you're fucking up being a freshman. It'll all be out of your system.”

“When I'm what?” Roxas came back to himself and sharply jerked his head in Yuna's direction.

“Uh-... shucks,” Axel said quieter. Yuna rattled her baton and kicked her feet, and they were relieved that she seemed not to notice the curse word.

“I think I see a parking spot,” Roxas pointed it out.

“Dibs.” Axel promptly squeezed by another car to steal the space, and Roxas hoped that Zack and Aerith managed to find another, seeing as the one they were vying for had competition.

When he parked, it was with a crow of triumph. “Nice!”

“I think that lady in the minivan is gonna break your legs,” Roxas observed.

“She can fight me. I'll destroy her.”

“No,” Yuna piped up.

“You heard her. No destroying,” Roxas agreed.

“Lame. Fine.” Putting the car in park, Axel popped the trunk. “Okay, everyone out.”

Climbing out and getting into the back to unbuckle Yuna, Roxas tried to figure out where she was supposed to go in all the madness but figured holding her was an excuse not to heave boxes in the meantime. Yuna was distinctly happier to be out of the car seat, clinging to Roxas and starting to babble about all the people around.

Axel got out to text Aerith where they'd parked and got a response back almost instantly. “They're still parking. We can haul some stuff upstairs, get a head start...”

“Cool. I've got this.” Roxas hoisted Yuna a little higher.

“Cheater.” Axel went to grab a box.

“Hey, she's an important part of the décor,” Roxas claimed, looking down at her. “Right?”

“No.”

“Aw, she's too young to think she's not important... _Uf_ -...” Axel hauled the box up. “Can you lock the car? I didn't think this through...”

“On it.” Roxas reached into Axel's pocket for his keys, resulting in a second of awkwardness. Axel swallowed hard and Roxas pulled back quickly, hitting the button to lock the doors. “... I'll just hang onto these.”

“Yeah, good call,” Axel agreed, a bit strained.

“Akel...” Yuna waved her baton, trying to hit the box in her curiosity. She whapped it with a tiny frown and talked emphatically, and Roxas failed not to laugh.

“I know, I hate moving too,” Axel told her. “You gonna lead?”

“Huh? Oh, yeah.” Roxas struggled to grab his student card from his pocket, two fingers still around Axel's keys. With the patience of a saint – if someone was to ask Axel, anyway – he followed and waded through the thick of the crowd. Roxas got them past security and into the elevator, snagging it immediately after a mass of students and parents exited.

They piled into the elevator, much to Yuna's surprise and dismay. She babbled worriedly as a crush of people flooded the elevator, a couple of freshman girls cooing over her.

“It's okay,” Roxas reassured her.

“What floor are we going to?” Axel inquired.

“Third, but I think they're all pressed...” Roxas craned his neck to check, then turned his attention back to Yuna, stroking her hair as she buried her face.

“This is gonna suck,” Axel sighed.

Roxas held Yuna against his neck and gently bounced her while they stopped at the second floor, then the third. Axel spoke up to clear the crowd.

“Excuse us, box and a baby coming through...”

They squeezed out, and Roxas asked one of the student mentors which way to go down the hall. Yuna was hiding as much as possible now, shy, and was carried on ahead to the room they were directed to. To Roxas's relief, his roommate hadn't arrived yet.

“Do you want to go down?” he asked, and she shook her head warily. Axel sidled by, finding somewhere to put the box.

“My arms... Will I ever regain the feeling?”

“I'm sure you'll get there on day. Looks like I'm stuck with this one,” Roxas indicated Yuna.

“Lucky...”

“Hey,” Roxas lifted her a little higher. “You want to hit Axel with your baton?”

“What'd I do to deserve that?!”

Yuna shook the baton in answer, seeing if she could reach Axel with it. Roxas watched her and grinned. “Have you heard anything yet?”

“I'll check,” Axel searched his back pocket for his phone and checked his texts. “... Oh, frick, they're parked and waiting. I'll head down, you watch Yuna?”

“I guess I can manage that,” Roxas declared, quite pleased with his current lot. “What do you think?”

Yuna looked around for a television, asking about cartoons. Roxas sat back on his empty mattress and put her in his lap.

“I don't have a TV, but we could watch something on my phone if you want.”

Getting comfortable, Yuna calmed considerably now that they were away from the bustle. “Phon p'ease.”

“Alright, one second...” Roxas mourned the impact this would have on his data as he navigated to a streaming site, finding her favorite cartoon. She made a happy noise and hugged her baton to her chest, and Roxas cursed that he couldn't ever actually be mad at her no matter how she took advantage of him.

The two of them watched a couple of the short shows until sounds of strain approached the open door, Zack and Axel lugging in the computer desk.

“Crowded elevators today,” Zack commented, cheerful if strained.

Aerith followed them in, carrying a couple of stacked boxes which she set down with a heavy exhale. “Still, they did say it was less busy than the official move-in day.”

“I can't feel my anything,” Axel groaned.

“Where do you want this?” Zack asked.

“What?” Roxas sat up a little. “Uh, against that wall, I guess.”

“Sounds good...” Zack navigated that way, and Axel let out a full-bodied grunt as they set it down.

“I can take over keeping her entertained, so you can help out,” Aerith offered, concerned. Roxas inwardly cursed.

“Okay,” he tilted his head and spoke to the top of Yuna's. “I'm gonna get up.”

“No,” she protested, still enthralled with Roxas's phone.

“It's fine, I don't need my spine intact,” Axel wheezed. “We've got this.”

Roxas pointed at Yuna as though presenting her as evidence. “I'm needed here.”

“Might as well let Yuna finish her show,” Zack agreed.

“Alright, but we should try to clear out at least one of the cars before we all take breaks,” Aerith decided.

“Can we do yours first? I want to get the furniture over with,” Axel said.

“I think that makes sense. Ready to go?”

“One second,” Zack said, and leaned over to kiss Yuna's head. He grinned and kissed Roxas's too, before he could protest. “Ready.”

“Da!” Yuna cooed, distracted from her cartoon.

Almost in harmony with her, Roxas groaned. “ _Dad_...”

Zack laughed. “Let's go, Axel.”

Grumbling, Axel went to lead the way. Roxas waited until they'd left before kissing Yuna's head, whispering, “Thank you.”

He started another episode while they were still gone, and hoped no one would notice.

After another twenty minutes, Axel slid in a heavily laden desk chair, commenting, “Dude, some freshman's mom _bit_ me. I elbowed her in retaliation.”

“ _Bit_ you?” Roxas turned his head incredulously.

“She gnashed her teeth at me. I won the elevator space competition,” Axel proclaimed, and rolled the chair over to the desk. “If it happens again, I'm biting back.”

“Oh, no you're not,” Aerith said, following with a couple of bags. “We're still trying to teach Yuna not to bite.”

“She won't be there to witness it.”

Zack followed the procession, barely able to see over a bookshelf. “Still. Be better than that,” he said sternly, and then lowered his voice. “Just kind of... push her away.”

“How is she feeling about her chair moving now?” Aerith approached the bed, a little weary already.

“Mummy,” Yuna greeted, and started to babble about her cartoon.

“Is that so?” Aerith sat on the edge of the bed and brought Yuna into her arms.

Roxas sighed, handing her over. “Traitor.”

Reaching towards Roxas, Yuna babbled at him too, explaining the cartoon as though he hadn't been there the whole time.

“See? She can't be parted from me.”

“Yuna, are you letting Roxas be lazy?” Aerith teased.

“Lay-zee,” Yuna giggled.

“Let 'im, I think we can handle it,” Axel declared. He was sore and tired, but had reached a state of determination that could rarely be contended with when it was reached. He avoiding looking at Roxas when he turned to Axel in surprise, not wanting to be called on the fact that he was going out of his way.

“Uh... Okay, we'll be back!” Zack announced, and followed Axel out.

“Bye, Daddy... Bye, Akel...” Yuna waved her little hand.

“I suppose he remembers what this was like for him,” Aerith commented, equally surprised.

“Yeah,” Roxas replied distantly. “Probably.”

 

* * *

 

By the time the move was over, it was late afternoon. Zack crushed Roxas in a hug, making sure he knew time after time that he was proud of him, and Aerith kissed his cheek before holding Yuna up to do that same. After all the excitement, Yuna had started to wilt on her mother's shoulder, exhausted. As much as the affection and reassurances were embarrassing, Roxas was also kind of pleased to have them.

Axel was having a small crisis as their parents headed out, not sure if he should have gone with them and thinking it was too late once they were out the door. Likewise, Roxas was a tiny bit panicked that Axel hadn't tried to follow them, but was also relieved not to be left alone so soon.

Still... They hadn't been alone together in years. Not like _this_ , anyway, with a bed between them, and an extended promise of privacy.

“... You can use my bed if you need to,” Roxas offered. “You kinda earned it.”

Axel promptly collapsed onto it. “Thank god. I'm in so much pain.”

“You really didn't have to do so much.” Towards the end, Roxas had started feeling guilty and had gone to help heft the last few boxes.

“But now you've got all your energy saved up for unpacking,” Axel snorted. “Sucker.”

Roxas shrugged. “Least I don't have to move furniture.”

“Stop being positive. I'm dying.”

“You orchestrated your own demise.” Roxas cleared his throat. “So, I'm just gonna start unpacking, if you want to chill.”

“Sounds good. I'll need to be buried here.”

“Alright, but I'm going to make the bed over you.”

“I won't fight it.” Axel sounded actually quite willing to become one with the bed.

“I will, you'd be a terrible mattress,” Roxas commented, and ripped the tape off the first box in sight.

“Wow. That's really mean.”

“What? You're all angles.”

Axel paused. “... Yeah, well...”

“I rest my case.”

“Well, fuck you.”

“Doesn't change that your hipbones would be miserable to sleep on,” Roxas remarked.

“I think you're jealous. I've got sexy curves.”

Roxas failed to come up with adequate response for that, and pretended to be distracted by something inside the box.

“Nothing?” Axel inquired. “I came up with a comeback for myself, if you want me to use it on your behalf.”

“Let's hear it, then,” Roxas muttered.

“'Curves' on a stick figure are just called angles,” Axel said promptly.

“I feel like that's reaching.”

“I think I'm brilliant.”

“'Least someone does.” Roxas began putting books away on his shelf.

“My wit is top of the line,” Axel closed his eyes. There was silence for a little while, as Roxas unpacked and Axel rested his sore back.

“... I, uh... I don't know if I told you...”

“Hm?” Roxas took out the last couple of books from the box, mind having been occupied with thoughts of the coming year.

“Saix and I broke up a while ago.”

“Oh,” Roxas said, and tried not to think about _why_ Axel was telling him. “That sucks. Sorry, I guess.”

“I'm over it,” Axel claimed. “I'm holding off on telling Mom until she needs cheering up, she hated him.”

Roxas wasn't sure if he should confess that he wasn't a fan of Saix, either. “... So he's not going to be around much, then?”

“Not so much. We've been attempting the 'we'll just be friends' thing, but we're not great at it. Too awkward.”

“Sounds rough... Exes are like that, huh?”

“In my experience, yeah,” Axel said.

“... You'll find someone else,” Roxas reassured him, slightly dismissive.

“Assuming anyone wants damaged goods,” Axel sighed dramatically. “I'm an old maid. No longer marrying age.”

Roxas shook his head. “Folding at twenty...” he hesitated. “Twenty...”

Axel sat up. “Twenty-one. You _forgot my age?_ ”

“Birthdays kinda meld together at your age, don't they?” Roxas shrugged.

“On the contrary. Every single one counts, in your golden years.”

“I'll try to remember that while I'm still young and spry.”

Axel dropped onto the bed again. “Think you'll start dating?”

“Maybe,” he shrugged. “Probably not, though...”

“Youth is wasted on the young,” Axel sighed.

Roxas grinned, but didn't manage to make it last. “Seriously, though... I wasn't ready to be _out_ in high school, and I don't think college will be any different. I'll wait 'til I'm fully matured to try dating.”

“If that's a requirement, I have to die alone,” Axel frowned. “Fuck that. University's better for finding other gays, at least. Dating aside, you'll probably have an easy time making other homo-friends.”

“Is that true?”

“Yeah. There are clubs, gay-straight alliances... And you're not technically required to show up to their shit. It's a sweet deal.”

Roxas hesitated. “... So, I was right.”

“Huh?”

“I told you a long time ago, that you'd have an easier time finding guys once you were here,” Roxas recalled.

It took Axel a second to remember. “... Huh. Forgot about that.”

“Don't blame you. You weren't in the best state at the time,” Roxas explained, and opened one of the garbage bags full of clothes.

“... Not sure I necessarily chose wisely, regardless,” Axel mused. “Guy from the GSA, or TA in anger management? Hell _yeah_ I'm going for the latter.”

Roxas groaned. “Of course you would.”

“Guess I make my own misery,” Axel pondered, and started to wonder what he was even _thinking_ , dancing around Roxas like he thought anything could happen.

“He was a huge improvement from Marluxia, I'll give him that.”

“Thank you?”

“You're still gonna make me go gray, stressing about your taste in guys,” Roxas informed him.

“Nah... Don't worry about me.” Axel sat up. “Just got to get in the habit of second guessing my taste in men.”

“Meaning what?”

“Meaning... you're right again,” Axel shrugged. “I think this shit takes a little more maturity than I've been showing. Should start thinking it through, before I start fucking around with someone...”

“That... actually sounds like a good plan,” Roxas commented, surprised. “Congratulations.”

“Right? Maybe I'm finally growing up in my old age.”

Roxas snorted, starting to pile clothes carelessly into the dresser with no thought for organization. Axel watched him for a moment.

“Well... should probably leave you to it.”

“... Actually, if you haven't got anywhere to be,” Roxas faltered awkwardly. “... I'm not sure the thrill of independence has hit me yet...”

“And you don't want to be alone?” Axel guessed.

“Yeah, you know, basically,” Roxas mumbled hastily.

“... Hey, how pissed do you think a delivery guy would be if we ordered something?” Axel asked. “Think he'd give up and take the stairs?”

Roxas snorted. “The moms might tear him apart. Let's try it.”

“Doin' it,” Axel dropped back onto the mattress, getting out his phone. “And you get back to work, I want to see you work up a sweat.”

“I'm not here to entertain your twisted desires,” Roxas argued, but returned to unpacking.

“Dance for me.”

“I have a strict fee, you know.”

“I will pay you half my pizza.”

Axel spoke with the delivery place while Roxas started removing his camera case with care, going to set it down on the desk with his laptop. He stared down at them both, then turned back towards the bed and threw himself onto it face-first, almost against Axel's back.

Finishing his order, Axel hung up and glanced back. “Down for the count already?”

Roxas burrowed against him more. “... Can I tell you something stupid?” he asked, muffled.

“Sure.”

“I'm scared.”

“Of school? Or dorms?” Axel questioned.

“School...”

“... I won't lie, it's an adjustment,” Axel admitted, “but you're not alone.”

“How'm I not?”

“ _Everyone_ goes into this scared. No one knows what to expect. You'll figure out who you can turn to... And when in doubt, you've got me,” Axel declared.

Roxas rolled onto his back. “'Least you can drive me to food...”

“Oh, that's all I'm good for?”

“It's probably the thing that'll keep me alive.”

“Let's not sell my moral support short,” Axel frowned.

“You can give moral support while also feeding me, can't you?”

“Nah.”

Roxas's eyes narrowed. “You don't love me, after all.”

“I just did hard labor for you. My love is fucking boundless.”

“You're sure you don't have motives?”

“You're thinking of when I come over to lay some pipe or deliver a package.”

“Oh my god.” Roxas dropped his face against the mattress again. “The pizza thing was all a set up.”

“I'm crafty,” Axel grinned. “Seduced yet?”

Roxas slapped a hand over his face and shoved Axel.

“Ow.”

He was shockingly comfortable like this, Roxas realized. It was as though after years of keeping their distance, they'd picked up their friendship right where it'd left off, with terrible jokes and the occasional lighthearted flirtation. It was easy, and he hadn't noticed how much he'd been missing it for some time.

Roxas forgot to register what was wrong with that.


	45. Chapter 45

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is it - the finale! Thank you all so much for sticking with this fic in all its 45 chapters! We've appreciated all your feedback, your kudos, your fanart(!) and playlists(!).
> 
> For our next long-running fic, we've opened it up to the floor. If you would like to put your opinion forward, you can do so on [this tumblr post here!](http://lanternjawedstudmuffin.tumblr.com/post/157759374947/the-final-vote)
> 
> Thank you all, again! We hope you enjoy the last chapter!

Reintroducing Axel and Roxas to each other's company made the time and distance fade into irrelevance. It could have been hours since they'd hung out instead of years; conversation was easy, teasing each other was natural. They often fell asleep texting each other and woke up to an on-going conversation, making plans and meeting up regularly for food runs.

Eventually, though, the teasing had to stop and a serious offer made. The state of Axel's hair was really getting ridiculous, almost a half-and-half split between his natural brown roots and preferred shade of fire engine red. Feeling that the second-hand embarrassment might kill him, Roxas proposed he come by Axel's apartment with a few bottles of dye to help touch it up. When his generosity was almost brushed aside, he threatened to come and cut the red parts out instead, and Axel decided he'd rather the former.

So, on a day Axel's roommate happened to be elsewhere, Roxas came over with two boxes of hair dye and knocked on apartment number 813.

“Hey,” he greeted, leaning into the doorway and holding up the shopping bag. “I brought the goods.”

Chewing on an egg roll, Axel held up a finger until he could swallow, stepping aside to let him in. “Were you followed?”

“Didn't see anyone, but we should get rid of it quick, just in case – Food?” Roxas's attention found a more worthy place to land. The living room table didn't have even a spot to spare for a plate, but since most of it was laden with fragrant boxes of Chinese take-out, that seemed like the opposite of a problem.

“Kind of took a shot with what you like. Your tastes might've changed, but I'm hoping not.” Axel shut the door, and Roxas dropped the bag on the couch on his way to grab himself one of the hand-me-down plates from the set Aerith had bequeathed.

“My tastes are easy when food is free,” Roxas proclaimed from the kitchen.

“Touche. Help yourself.”

“You might regret that.”

“If you eat everything, I'll have to kill you,” Axel cautioned.

“You'll have to do your hair yourself,” Roxas rebutted, coming back to start loading his plate up with lemon chicken and mixed vegetables.

“Ugh, too hard to get all the roots...” Sitting down again, Axel picked up his own plate, which he'd balanced on top of a small textbook stack. He resumed working on his noodles, watching Roxas from the corner of his eye as he swallowed a piece of broccoli seemingly whole. “Are you remembering to breathe?”

Having not eaten since breakfast, Roxas dismissed that with a muffled, “Not important.”

“I wouldn't dream of questioning your priorities.”

The two of them dug in, and Roxas finished in record time. “Okay,” he announced, slumping low. “Wake me up in a bit.”

“Fuck that, you sit up and start working for your meal.”

Roxas groaned.

“C'mon, hair dye,” Axel prompted, and put his empty plate back on the textbook pile. Getting up, he stripped off his shirt and grabbed the waiting towel, which was threadbare and dye stained.

Grumbling, Roxas picked the boxes back up and followed. “Would this be a bad time to mention I've never done this before?”

“Not a problem. If you miss any spots, I'll dye the rest with your blood.”

“So no pressure,” he summarized.

“None whatsoever,” Axel agreed, draping the towel over his shoulders and standing in front of the bathroom mirror. Opening a jar of Vaseline, he began spreading a thin layer over the patches of skin most likely to be accidentally stained in the dyeing process. Roxas raised an eyebrow.

“I assume this is a necessary part of the process?” he guessed, starting to open one of the dye boxes.

“Unless I want my forehead dyed, too.”

“It could be kind of funny.” Roxas pulled out the various bottles and the packet of instructions. “I had no idea there would be chemistry involved...”

“Simple chemistry. Give me a sec, I'll prep the bottles... You can use that time to reflect.”

“Huh?” Roxas handed them over.

“Things are about to get messy,” Axel told him, passing over the latex gloves before starting the mixing process. “This is when you wonder if you should have worn rags.”

“Oh... Shit.”

“Wanna borrow something?”

“Will this ruin my clothes permanently?” Roxas looked down at himself. He hadn't exactly dressed up, but he was still wearing one of the few pairs of nice jeans that still fit.

“Possibly?”

“Yeah, sure, then.”

Axel twisted the cap back onto the bottle. “Shake this. I'll be right back.”

“... 'Kay.” Roxas began to rattle it hard in one hand, the back-and-forth motion making Axel snort on his way out to find ratty pyjamas. He came back with a pair of long shorts and an old t-shirt, swapping them for the bottle of dye.

“Here.”

“Thanks.” Taking the clothes, Roxas started to strip off his shirt, and Axel – unthinkingly, unabashedly – watched. Ditching his clothes in the corner, Roxas dropped Axel's shirt over his head and was immediately surrounded by a familiar scent.

“How's the dye?” Axel turned to inspect it, rather than give Roxas's briefly-exposed skin any thought.

“Shaken?”

“Good enough.”

“Cool. So,” Roxas looked up at Axel's hair, “if you want to like... sit on the floor?”

“Yeah...” Stretching first, Axel sank down to get as comfortably as one could on cold tile. “I need a bigger bathroom.”

“Here,” Roxas sat up on the counter and patted the space between his legs. “Sit.”

Axel's eyes flickered down between his legs, then he pretended they didn't. He shifted over and straightened his back. “Alright. Make me pretty.”

Roxas pulled on the gloves. “I'll do my best, but I can only do so much.”

“Wow, fuck you.”

“Bring your head over,” Roxas instructed, and thoughtlessly pulled Axel by the hair. Axel's eyes briefly widened, jarred by his body's interest; the tug had felt like a switch being flicked, and it took him a second to remember that it wasn't _supposed_ to.

Completely having forgotten doing that was an issue, Roxas drizzled dye over his roots and started separating the hair to rub it in. He only had a half-formed idea of what he was doing, and decided to just act under the assumption that he was right rather than embarrass himself by asking.

“... So...”

“Yeah?” Roxas tilted Axel's head to one side.

“... How's the dorm?” Axel closed his eyes.

Roxas shrugged. “Like a room with my stuff in it?”

“Roommate around yet?”

“Yeah, he got in the day before yesterday. Seems like an okay guy,” Roxas admitted, despite numerous texts to Axel about how prepared he was to bitch and moan about everything his dorm-mate did.

“That's a bonus. You won't need to shell out cash for a hit man.”

“Yeah, I don't have the income for that...” Roxas applied another thick streak of dye. “Hope we're not gonna run out... You have way too much hair, dude.”

“Didn't you bring a second one?” Axel opened his eyes again, glancing around for it.

“Yeah.” Roxas pushed his head forward. The eyes quickly shut again.

“Then we're okay.”

“I'll get you to prep the bottle if it comes to that,” Roxas decided, and worked his fingers into the base of his scalp.

“Uh-huh...” Axel almost purred.

Roxas hesitated.

Clearing his throat, Axel asked, “... What, need more already?”

“No, we're good.” Roxas massaged the dye up higher and absently licked his lips, which were inexplicably dry. He tilted Axel's head again and dripped the cold, red goop onto him.

The sensation kind of shocked Axel's stirrings of arousal away. “Ugh.”

“Sorry. I bet that sucks.”

“Beauty from pain...”

Roxas tilted Axel's head all the way to the side to rub dye into the hair around his ear.

“So fucking weird,” Axel commented.

“Are you gonna make it?”

“I doubt it. At least my corpse will be sexy.”

“I'm sure they'll note it in the autopsy,” Roxas consoled him.

“I want an open casket. And I want to be buried naked.”

“Please don't actually die on me,” Roxas paused, looking down at his gloved hands. The brilliant red smeared all over his fingers didn't quite look like blood, but it was enough like it to alarm someone who wasn't looking very hard. “If the cops show up with me looking like this, I'm screwed.”

“This would be one hell of a set-up.”

“You don't mean it!” Roxas retorted, and tilted Axel's head as far back as he could manage.

The tug got to him again, and Axel's snicker turned into the softest hiss, trying not to be heard.

“Actually, can you turn and face me?”

“Yeah...” Turning around, Axel was put on face-level with Roxas's groin, and both of them were _very_ aware of it. Two pairs of thought processes stuttered to a halt and took the same detour.

Roxas swallowed, and made himself focus on Axel's hairline. Applying it carefully, he worked the dye into his roots, while Axel wondered how he'd react if he just started feeling his way up Roxas's legs.

“... Need more?” Axel inquired, definitely referring to the dye and only the dye. Roxas squeezed the last of the bottle into his palm and ran it through the strands at random, getting his entire head covered.

“I think that might be good, actually. Agh -” to their dismay, Roxas's hand got tangled. “Sorry...”

“Nah, it's fine,” Axel hissed.

Roxas carefully extracted his fingers. “God, the temptation to drag my hands down your face...”

“I would make sure you go to prison.”

“I'll resist. Think you're good.”

“Gee, thanks,” Axel got to his feet again, stretching his stiff legs. “Got to give it half an hour...”

Roxas slid off the counter. “Don't rub yourself on anything.”

“So tempted to rub on you,” Axel commented, and stopped. “... That's not exactly what I meant.”

“I know what you meant,” Roxas lied hastily, mouth having gone dry. “Am I good to ditch the gloves now?”

“Yeah,” he confirmed, avoiding looking right at Roxas. “I'm gonna put something on to kill time.”

“Sounds good,” Roxas agreed, sliding the gloves off carefully and dropping them into the trash. They adjourned to the living room, where Axel was very conscious of not making too much contact with anything.

Roxas, in particular.

 

* * *

 

Axel took longer in the shower than usual, but having never paid that much attention to Axel's bathing habits, Roxas attributed it to the dye and didn't notice. He'd let himself get mindlessly absorbed in TV, and only spoke up when the bathroom door squeaked open.

“What's the verdict? Are you hideous?” he called.

“Probably not. I haven't seen a mirror that wasn't foggy yet,” Axel replied, still down the hallway.

“C'mere, I'll take a look.” Roxas leaned over the back of the couch, but he was not prepared. For some reason, it hadn't occurred to him that Axel would walk into the living room still dripping and towel-clad.

“Verdict?” Axel prompted.

“... Uh...”

After a second with no elaboration, Axel raised his eyebrows. “Makin' me nervous, Rox. Is there dye all over my face? Brunette patches?”

“I-it's fine,” Roxas replied, turning red, and Axel caught on to the predicament he was having.

“I'll... go get dressed,” he said slowly, starting to turn.

“That'd be good,” Roxas confirmed, burying his face. Mortified, he tried to will the beginnings of an erection away and dropped his head over the couch, not watching Axel go. With a heavy exhale, he stared at the dull carpet in an attempt to keep himself from picturing the way vaguely-tinted rivulets had given Axel's chest definition.

“Oh, god,” he exhaled, and shut his eyes anyway. The carpet wasn't helping.

“... Question...”

Axel had returned half-dressed, chest still air-drying, as something elephantine had wandered into their midst and become more of an immediate concern than clothes.

Without lifting his head, Roxas replied, “What?”

“Is the sexual tension all in my head?”

Roxas let out a long, defeated groan. “I wish...”

“... About that, then...”

Slowly opening his eyes, he lifted his head and let them drag up Axel's body, feeling less need to hide it now that it'd been addressed. “What about it?”

Axel hesitated. “I never really felt that 'closure'.”

“Doesn't mean the rules have changed,” Roxas replied, giving him a hard look. Axel glanced away immediately.

“... Thought I'd bring it up,” he dismissed, trying to sound nonchalant, and turned back towards the hallway to resume getting dressed.

Roxas sat, and warred with himself.

He didn't know whether he'd won or lost when he got up and approached the bedroom.

“Axel?” he hesitated just outside the door, which was open a fraction. Axel paused in rifling around for a shirt.

“Yeah?”

Tentatively, Roxas pushed the door open. “... What are you actually suggesting?”

“... Sex? A relationship? I'm not sure,” Axel sighed.

“You really think that can happen?” Roxas swallowed. “The relationship, I mean. Sex is easy.”

“No one's around to suspect anything...”

Roxas hated himself a little for wanting to be convinced. “... Not _here_ , yeah, but what about at home or... anywhere people know who we are?”

“... I don't know. We hid it for a long time...”

“ _Badly_ , and that was almost a disaster,” he pointed out.

“... It was a dumb suggestion, I know.” Axel shrugged, trying to think of a way to backtrack now that all hope of doing so had been dashed.

“But you actually want to try?”

There really wasn't any going back. “Fuck, yes.”

“... _Fuck_ , Axel,” Roxas groaned. “I don't know what to do with that. After _years_...”

“I know, shit, I'm sorry,” Axel sighed, and he was trying not to panic. Just as things were starting to feel _good_ again, if he'd messed that up -

“I spent forever trying to get _over_ you,” Roxas murmured.

“And... are you?” Hesitantly, Axel approached the door.

“... I thought I was.”

In his nature to act more confident than he was, Axel opened the door the rest of the way. “You're still kind of hard,” He observed, leaning on the frame.

Roxas's blush got much darker. “So...?”

Wordlessly suggestive, Axel moved down onto one knee. Roxas's eyes widened.

“You're not actually suggesting we do this in your bedroom doorway?”

“We could take it into my bedroom _properly_ ,” Axel suggested, uncomfortably aware of how much he was risking in putting himself out there.

But hey, Roxas had done it first, way back in the beginning. It was his turn.

“... Fuck it,” Roxas exhaled, pushing inside and shutting the door behind himself.

Axel got up and backed towards the bed. “If you want to back out...”

“Was my 'fuck it' not clear?” Roxas slowly began to grin.

Axel drew him closer, heart still beating pretty fast, and returned the smirk. “Then let's do this.”

Going to kneel on the bed, Roxas relaxed into their kiss with more assurance than he'd ever had before, more experienced and more pent up from years of wanting this. Intrigued, Axel started to pull him down onto the bed, the kiss only breaking once as Roxas lay back and Axel straddled his hips.

“This is a good angle,” Roxas raised his eyebrows. There was a certain... added element to this, something sexier about knowing he could look and not worry about what looking _meant_.

“Good from here, too,” Axel smirked, and started to drag Roxas's shirt up. “Is it weird to say you got crazy hot?”

Sitting up to let him pull the shirt off him, Roxas shrugged. “I might actually look my age now.”

With a snort, Axel kissed him again. Roxas parted his lips on contact, still trying to shove aside the fear that they'd be discovered and have explaining to do, but it was easier to ignore than it used to be. It couldn't hold up to the fantasies he'd had for ages about sleeping with Axel; the first time he'd tried it again after their disastrous attempt, the thought had popped into his head right before he came about how much better probably would have been if Axel had been inside him.

Kneading down his chest to his waistband, Axel parted from his lips to nip at his jaw instead before he removed them properly.

“... _Nice_.”

Not oblivious to the ways his growth spurt had changed other parts of his body, Roxas smirked. “Glad it gets your approval.”

He decided to show just how much he approved by sliding farther back to drag his tongue up the shaft.

“Nn...” Roxas's hips arched, and he groaned when Axel swallowed him with a purr. “ _Fuck_... your mouth...”

Holding the base of his cock, Axel tongued the head with every draw back and worked to swallow him deeper with each bob of his head.

“Missed this, ngh, _so_ much...”

“Mm-mn...” Clearly, Axel agreed, and put his mouth around the head to suck.

“Shi- _it_...”

With a shudder, Roxas sat up and gripped Axel's wet hair. Moaning to encourage him, Axel was rewarded with a harder tug while Roxas reacquainted himself with what kind of pressure Axel could take. He swallowed deeper, in equal parts appreciation and necessity.

“ _Axel_...” Forget any of the reservations he thought he'd had. Roxas wanted this, all the time, from now on.

“Fuck,” Axel sucked hard before he pulled off him, licking his lips. “I want to just suck you off...”

Briefly, Roxas let pleasure flatten him to the mattress, breathing hard and not yet letting go of his hair. “Hell no, I want to make this worth it. There's time for that later.”

“Yeah – how far do you want to go?”

“As far as you're willing. I'd like to erase the memory of our first time at long last.”

Kissing a path up to his chest, Axel grinned. “Mn... Could've been worse...”

“ _Could_ it?” Rather than wait for an answer, Roxas tilted Axel's jaw with both hands and drew him into a firm kiss. Axel's pants were discarded and the two of them got caught up in touching one another, Roxas exploring his chest and Axel getting distracted by his ass. He groped more roughly when Roxas invited him to, and a moan broke the kiss.

Just as well; Axel needed to find lube as of two minutes ago, and Roxas kissed all across his body while Axel reached for his bedside table. He opened up his sex drawer, finding lube first and foremost.

“Mm...” Roxas murmured, almost too muffled to hear. “Feel like I didn't appreciate this enough before...”

Slicking his fingers, Axel almost laughed. “If it helps, I think I filled out...”

“Only a little... Still look like you'll snap in half...”

He snorted affectionately. “Fuck you.”

Roxas's tongue flicked over a nipple. “Some other time, I'll dedicate a couple hours to what I missed out on appreciating.”

“Fuck,” Axel groaned, the promise of that getting him that much harder. With a quiet laugh, Roxas worked his way back up to his lips and was kissed hungrily, one hand going back around to tease his entrance.

All his former jumpiness was gone. Roxas angled his hips to get comfortable and melted into the kiss, and when there was no hesitation, Axel began to press one finger inside.

They were both more practiced. Sucking at his lower lip, Roxas pressed one leg up onto the bed, opening himself up while Axel found his prostate. His breath caught audibly as it was promptly massaged; after this long, Roxas had nearly forgotten how skilled Axel was at this. He dissolved into a trembling mess within moments, rocking weakly against his hand.

“ _Mmn_...”

Axel's teeth scraped from Roxas's earlobe down his jaw, thrusting his finger in and out in a smooth rhythm once he started to shake.

Roxas's voice wavered. “Holy fuck, Axel, what are you _doing_ to me?”

“Making sure you missed me?” he supplied, voice lowered. He gave a sharp suck above his pulse.

“Really didn't-... _nn_ , need to work so hard for that.” Reaching up, Roxas massaged his scalp roughly, making Axel first laugh and then moan.

As Axel pressed in a second finger, he was honestly starting to worry that he'd come before they even got to the full-on, with all the attention Axel was giving him... but that was a risk Roxas was increasingly willing to take.

“Could always talk, if you _really_ want me to miss you,” he suggested.

“That's right, you've got a thing for that,” Axel purred. “Nearly forgot...”

“Really? I haven't...”

“Think about it much?” Axel went back to his ear, murmuring against the shell and making him shiver. “Hearing all the things I want to do to you?”

The intimacy alone might have done something for him, but coupled with Axel's _voice_ when it was deep and aroused... “Hard to forget all the things you used to say to me...”

Stretching him meticulously, Axel continued to mutter. “Things like... how bad I wanted to finger you open 'til you're aching? Make you want to be _fucked_ so much you can't stand it?”

“Mm, yeah...” Roxas bit his lip and parted his legs wider, inviting.

“I've thought about what it's like inside you...” Axel thrust his fingers against his sweet spot again and circled them, soothed. “Hot and _perfect_...”

“Ngh -” Arching up, Roxas was beginning to reach the point of desperation. “Thought about you, too...”

“Yeah? Tell me.” Axel ran the tip of his tongue over Roxas's ear.

“Kind of... making it hard to think anything...”

Unhelpful, Axel bit down lightly and scissored him open faster. Roxas groaned.

“Thought about... how hot every part of you is, how _good_ your hands are... and your _mouth_ is-... Fuck-...”

Axel growled softly. “How much hotter do you think it feels inside me?”

Totally at his mercy, a deep shudder went through Roxas's body. “Don't make me think about it _now_ ,” he panted.

Snickering, Axel withdrew his fingers. “It's hot with me in you, too. Condom...”

“Oh god, yeah... Did you grab one?”

“'Bout to,” Axel assured him, grabbing one from the open drawer and tearing open the wrapper.

The same sort of feeling settled on Roxas as it had the first time they did this, being nearly bowled over by the knowledge that they were really _doing_ this. “Thought about other things, too...”

Climbing back over him, Axel prompted, “Yeah...?”

“Mn,” Roxas nodded. “Like... being up against someone, even just hanging out... never felt as good with anyone else...”

Grinning, Axel rolled the condom onto himself. “Flatterer...”

“I was just saying,” Roxas rolled his eyes.

“And I like that...” He opened the bottle of lube again. “... You weren't the only one.”

Roxas reddened. “Good.”

“I wanted to be with you... way more than I wanted to admit...” Slicking himself with a tiny purr, Axel dropped the bottle aside and leaned down over him. Roxas kissed his lips quite chastely, especially considering the position they were in, and Axel returned it just as sweetly even as he brought Roxas's leg higher up. Pliant, Roxas let himself be positioned with a sound that was nothing but content.

Axel started to press inside, and went slow just to savor it. The tension was nothing like before; Roxas opened up to him gradually and arched his back right off the bed.

“God, _Roxas_... It's like-... Holy shit, you're so good at taking it, you feel amazing...”

Roxas wanted to say something in turn, something about how amazing it felt to be filled like this as he shuddered and gasped, but his voice died the moment he opened his mouth. He reached up to wrap around Axel's shoulders, experiencing it instead; the satisfying pressure against his muscles, a sort of strain that made him feel relaxed rather than sore, and the easy drag of Axel's cock that reached right into his arousal and soothed it in the most exciting way.

Axel was sounding as breathless as Roxas felt.“Not gonna waste my time on anyone else, like they could even compare, like anything fucking could – D'you hurt, I'll go slow if you need it...”

“I-I'm okay,” Roxas, a little stunned that it was true. “You don't need to go any slower...”

Axel promptly thrust forward into him, and Roxas's head dropped back with a loud, abrupt groan.

“You're tight, too,” Axel said reverently, holding him like he thought Roxas might slip away if he loosened his grip. It was entirely possible this was just an incredible dream.

Fingers tangled in Axel's roots, Roxas's breathing sharp. “God, you're good... _Ah_ , right there, c'mon...”

Blissful, Axel adjusted the cant of his hips to hit the right spot, making Roxas's legs twitch. “Right here? Nngh, want it hard?”

“Bit harder, yeah,” Roxas implored, but he wouldn't have cared if Axel hadn't changed a single thing. He was loving every part of this, the closeness and the pleasure, the way his whole body rocked with Axel's thrusts. He tilted his hips to move with him and untangled one hand from his hair, locking their fingers together instead and squeezing. “Ah _, yes...”_

“Fuck-... Won't be long now -”

“Same... Ngh, Axel-...” Roxas hiked his legs up higher, right around Axel's waist, and that was almost too much for him. Axel was on the brink of climax just because Roxas was so overwhelmingly _hot_.

Guiding their joined hands between his legs, Roxas stroked himself with Axel's and his own hand and began to shake harder, making a keening sound. Axel only lasted a few more thrusts, and he barely had the presence of mind to adjust his grip and touch Roxas right before he was in nirvana.

Roxas's voice broke over his moan, orgasm leaving his blinded and breathless. Neither one of them knew who'd come first, and it didn't matter. They felt highs of the like they'd been wanting for ages, and the afterglow left them drained in the best way. Axel took a moment for his peak to recede before starting to lick his hand clean.

Dragging his eyes open, Roxas hissed. “Rude... Trying to turn me on again...”

Axel smirked. “Missed how you taste.”

“Missed seeing you like this,” Roxas countered, easing back onto the mattress with an air of lazy satisfaction.

“You're pretty sexy like this, yourself.”

Roxas rolled his head onto Axel's shoulder. “M'glad I finally got to know what this is like...”

“Yeah...” Axel shut his eyes contentedly. “Dreamed about it enough...”

“Still?” Roxas inquired, kind of marveling.

“Kind of came and went in stages,” Axel admitted with an unabashed grin. “At first, a lot. After a while, just the occasional sex dream, starring you. Then I helped with the move and it's back up to 'a lot'.”

“My bad?”

“I forgive you.”

“Thanks.” Roxas was incredibly comfortable despite the boniness of Axel's shoulder, until the inevitable wash of reality crept up on him. He sighed. “So, at the risk of killing the mood... what the hell do we do now?”

“No one here knows anything, so... As far as university goes, business as usual, plus going out would be good,” Axel began. “At home... Pretend we found our brotherly bond?”

“Does your roommate know you've got stepbrothers?”

“Nah, we don't talk about family much.”

“That's something,” Roxas pondered. “My roommate hasn't seen my family at all, obviously. Not that I plan on bringing it up, anyway.”

“Shouldn't be all that hard to keep under wraps on campus,” Axel summarized.

“But what do we do at home...?” Roxas cleared his throat. “You know, if this goes on kind of... long term?”

“... We act like we've gotten close in a platonic way, think it's practical to shack up as a couple of single gay bachelors, and hope?” Axel proposed, with the sort of confidence that suggested that he'd already given up on the idea. Roxas was about to automatically agree, but thought it through for more than a second and saw the slew of problems that presented.

“Wouldn't it get kind of hard to hide one day? What if we move in together? Someone's bound to notice if we're sharing a bed or something...”

“Claim it was cheaper to share a one-bedroom?” Axel shook his head, but then paused. “Actually, it _would_ be. I should keep that in mind for future plans. But you don't need to say it, I know that wouldn't go over.”

Sitting up reluctantly, Roxas recalled something Namine had told them a long time ago. “If we get caught, they're going to take it way harder.”

Axel nodded. “... I don't think I could deal with the secrecy again, anyway. It ruined us, last time, which kind of defeated the point.”

Roxas dreaded to even suggest it, but he had to. “Do we tell them, then? How do you even start that conversation – is that one you call about, or is a text acceptable?”

“I think it's polite to tell your parents face-to-face when you're screwing their child. Which applies to us both.”

“I mean...” Roxas groaned, trying to make it okay. “They probably won't break up over it after all this time, and with Yuna. But they might never speak to us again. Which also means we can't see Yuna until she's old enough and decides to come on her own...”

Stretching out slowly, Axel stared at the ceiling and thought aloud. “As far as I see it... We're their babies, _and_ a couple of consenting adults. They're good parents, and they wouldn't risk losing us over this... But they also can't stop us, even if they disapprove.”

“I guess not. Still not exactly the kind of blessing I'd hope for.” Roxas ran a hand through his hair. “Maybe they won't cut us out, but they're not going to like this.”

“... We don't have to tell them,” Axel mused. “I mean, no sneaking around this time, but... Could just... be together and let them find out on their own time.”

“So we do couple stuff and wait for them to ask?” Roxas asked.

“Don't ask, don't tell. Living in the closet taught me well.”

“That's not exactly don't ask, don't tell, though, is it? More like don't tell until asked,” Roxas said.

“It's along the same lines,” Axel shrugged. “It means that if they start to suspect, they have time to get used to the idea before confirming it. Until then, it's not our problem. We can just... be... whatever we want to be.”

“Man, being okay - that might be the weirdest thing I've felt since I met you...”

“I know, right?”

Roxas laughed, a touch of nerves coloring it as he settled against the bed again. “... What about Ven?”

“Ven's pretty relaxed. Even if he thinks it's weird, I doubt he'd give us a hard time.”

“Think we should tell him, or stick to the same policy?” Roxas inquired.

“Maybe stick to the same, just so he doesn't have to keep it a secret from Mom and Zack. He has the _worst_ poker face.”

“Yeah, you're probably right,” Roxas concurred. “Even Yuna can keep her mouth shut longer than him.”

“So, then, we have a plan,” Axel turned over to face him. “A plan with a lot more sex in the future?”

Feeling helpless to the smile returning to his face, Roxas shifted onto his side as well, nose inches from Axel's. “Oh, the plans I have.”

“That sounds promising.”

“Well...” Roxas began counting on his fingers. “We already established that you owe me a proper blowjob, I'm spending as long as I want worshipping your body, and I'll probably murder someone if I don't top soon. Are we making three separate dates, or are we going to try to fit that all into one evening?”

Axel grinned. “Dunno about you, but I bounce back quick.”

With a broad smile, Roxas leaned in to kiss him again, and being next to him was too blissful to worry about anything going awry in the future. It was a nice change, familiar in all the right ways and new in even better ones.

They weren't a secret anymore, and hopefully, one day at a time, one small exposure after another, they would be okay.


End file.
